Sept 7/03

I am sockmonkey_bobo how tall are you?
i'm about THIS tall... yea... like that

How come on the questionnaire results my name got cut off so it says FartMonk? I couldn't have spelled it wrong three times..What's up with that? FartMonk(ey)
i don't know WHAT you're talking about <looks away>

Wow! I got 4 Read heads, 2 for the what ifs and 2 for the questionaires for the August month alone... has anyone got red heads for all their what ifs and questionaires in one month alone? Plus... when are you guys going to organise a flash mob for theinsanedomain? - DZ
i think they have and we're leaving the flash mob organization to you

what's the first thing you'll gonna do if you have a new toilet bowl? leigh
hook it up properly...

my sister's pregnant and we're all happy but everytime she comes to the house and have her morning sickness there it sucks....questions is, how come morning sickness lasts till the afternoon? leigh
damn... that's sick to come here and talk about some pregnant chick... ewwwwwww

How come you never explain to people that it's $15CA and not $15US because that's like £3 in Britain for 3 months or something ridiculous? You ought to offer up price listings. Why don't you do that? How helpful am I being lately? - Mzebonga
you are just SO smart... so we added that thing on the page to help people figure it out... so everyone join already

Why is it that when the Americans make a joke about Canada, we take it with a grain of salt...but, when Canadians make a joke about the States, they start belly aching? McDiablo
they're like that... it's one of the things they do best

Why was my stupid neighbour yelling earlier? Was she even yelling at anyone or just talking to herself really loudly? McDiablo
a little of both actually... it began as yelling at someone and then turned into talking to herself

Will I like learning about Geography? McDiablo
sure, why not?!

why is the crime rate in canada so low when u guys own just as many guns as we do, watch all the same violent movies that we do and the weather's colder in your country which would generally piss me off and make me want to commit more crimes? - Bill Clinton
we're not as PARANOID and crazy... we don't fear each other ... as much

What is the origin of the phrase 'fo shizzle my nizzle' ? Is it a derivative of 'fo sheazy my neazy' and if so whats a neazy?? - SnoopDizzleDeazy
i have NO idea and that commercial bothers me greatly

What is the city in the title banner? Did one of you guy take the photo?
it's ottawa actually and jcp took that picture from poptarts balcony

Have you seen Donnie Darko? What did you think of it? - Bill Clinton
yes i have... and i liked it a lot actually... i have it on dvd

In your opinion, is it sexy for a guy to grow his hair long?
i'm sure it is to some people... i think that at long as someone takes care of their hair etc that it's a good thing no matter if its long or short...

have you ever heard "country death song" by the violent femms? if not you should its a good song--db"_"
no i haven't but i'll find it and listen to it

Sept 10/03

What do you think the meaning of Donnie Darko was?
i think it means that some strange shit can sometimes happen and once in awhile people come up with some interesting ideas and movies for us to watch and think about

Yeah I thought Donnie Darko was awesom even though i didn't really understand it. Anyways, what are your favorite movies? - Bill Clinton
it's good because you can't figure it all out in one sitting... i'm sick of pre-chewed movies that make it so all i have to do is sit and stare... make me THINK... and here is a list of movies

Welcome to my question DC! I will keep this somewhat brief so as not to infuriate you... Why am I still lonely if myself knows that all attempts to make make friendly gestures and comments to people in a pursuing minded fashion will only lead to failure? Why does the world hate me even though I give them nothing but joy, humor, and quiz answers? And why canít I get those repeating things out of my head, even though they bother me all the time?!? -FŽa
well the whole 'meeting people' thing is pretty much what you've described... either you deal with it or you end up alone in an apartment lined with tinfoil while wearing a pot so THEY can't read your mind... as for the repeating things, as long as it's not children's songs then things should be ok... well as ok as they get

why do girls suck -numba1pimp
same reasons guys do...

Do you think David Letterman played the greatest villain ever when he was selling your kind as property like pets? Or slaves?!? in that documentary on cabin-boys...? --G.Rasputin
he did WHAT?!?!

Why are people in movies and other forms of media who are shot or otherwise fataly wounded just sitting there and making sappy comments instead of having sex?--G.Rasputin

they're lazy... you'd be lazy if you were shot... you'd be all 'damnit... now i'm SHOT... if they think i'm getting up and doing shit well they'll just have to do it themselves... SHOT... can you believe it?'

do you want to help conquer the world with me and my pygmy hippo? -sexy leXXXy
sure... sounds like fun

Hello DC, I've been pondering this question alot lately and as of yet I have come up with no plausible answer so yet again I come to you. Would you be so kind as to help me figure out what is the true purpose of underwear? Honestly, we have pants and shorts so why do we need underwear? It's practicality is limited and so far I've only come up with an idea that perhaps it's just for facetious value. It seems like a pointless layer of clothing if you boil it all down. Sure, some would say that perhaps menstruating women need it for their sanitary pads but that's just nasty. That's what tampons were created for after all, any alternative and you're sitting in your own filth - much like baths (but that's a whole other story). So now that I've provided my insight, what's your take on the reasoning behind wearing underwear? - Kitten
it's to stop your pubic hair and/or dick from being caught in zippers... also it assists in keeping your ass slightly warmer when sitting on cold objects... and so when your ass sweats it is soaked up into your underwear and not into your pants where everyone can see it... it also assists in keeping most odors contained in the underwear so you can wear your pants a few times in a row... prevents your ass from eating your pants (instead it eats your underwear which somehow isn't as bad)... need i mention how it keeps things 'in place' for guys? as for chicks... do you really want to stick your pad to the insides of your pants so it can fall out your pant leg when you walk around?

Miss Roger's Sweater is taking seven courses this semester. How long will it be before she loses her mind? McDiablo
let's face it... she already has... but before she becomes violent you'll want to make sure she's pacified with slurpees and notes written in a coded language

My Geography class is rather dull. What can I do to entertain myself? McDiablo
color in all maps... that's fun... then create your own country... color that in... come up with laws etc

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Do you have any suggestions? McDiablo
hell no... just see what happens... you'll change careers a few times anyway...

are you a single sockmonkey?
at the moment yes

15 bucks!! you gotta be kidding me, why should we pay for the same things that we can get free at 2 million other places on the net? - Umemployed
same? no not the same... and if you don't want to then don't... it's a way for us to make some money to pay for the bandwidth etc without charging you for the content and plastering your screen with ads like 2 million other sites do... it's like going out and buying the album to your favorite band so that your money goes towards something you support instead of just downloading their songs for free...

oooppps...soorrryyy about the pregy thing...i forgot about you sterilization campaign...anyway...have you seen a sock monkey in any movie before? leigh
i think i saw one in monkeybone but then again i might have been seeing things

How can I make Empriss Nikon love me? - Mzebonga
i think that tying her up thing you mentioned would work... she seems to like that sorta thing

hi dc i like your name!!! Well okay here is my pathetic question do u think it is fair for my bf to break up with me b/c i have my friend scotts pic in my locker???
who cares if it's fair... the guy is obviously a fucking idiot... are you both in grade 2? that's the sort of thing i'd expect from a gradeschooler... breaking up because of a picture <rolls eyes> and people wonder what is wrong with those so called reality shows on tv all the time... cuz kids get STUPIDER when it comes to sex and love... as if it weren't bad enough dealing with it all...

Sept 14/03

Paying to join my tid just isn't an option. How will I pass the time? Will you put me out of my misery? FartMonkey
well that's why we have this lovely free site for you to come visit... memorize it all and then you amuse others

yeah, but come on $15 bucks... every 3 months? If it was like a one off or perhaps yearly payment then i'd probably go for it, but unless u you can guarantee a web cam and at least some degree of nudity a think $15 bucks a quarter is a bit rich. - unemployed.
now that this is being asked without being a whiner... i agree and have asked JCP to consider this... i think that $15 for the year is a reasonable amount... only because i know she won't give you any nudity... i will... but then again everyone gets to see me nude for free

didja miss me cuz i missed you.. *waves sack of money in front of you* - SiNiSTaR
<takes the sack of money> oh i missed you so much! i cried while you were away and kept a candle burning to remind me that one day you'd be back...

are you related to stevie wonder..? - SiNiSTaR
no i'm not although that would be great if i were... i could have him teach me how to sing and play songs...

ever played worms armageddon? - SiNiSTaR
no i haven't actually... are you sending it to me? how about a postcard from where you're from??? i've gotten some from Miss Rogers Sweater...

Is she bi or lesbian? FartMonkey
why limit herself to lesbian when she can be bi and have both?

Has a turtle ever come up to you and asked for a raise? FartMonkey
yes actually so i helped it out and then later on i saw it on tv and homer kicked it which wasn't very nice

Where do these crapspammers keep getting my email? I haven't signed up for anything new lately...*numerous profanities* FartMonkey
i have no idea... we get at least 20 to 30 a day on our one email... it sucks a lot and i hate it

Don't forget to put your nickname at the end of your question, you say? Well what if FartMonkey is my REAL name? Can I still put it? FartMonkey
yes... but only because you're so special and have monkey in your real name

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most, how hard would you laugh at JCP if she woke up and her face was painted purple and it wouldn't come off? FartMonkey
10... i'd probably piss myself laughing

My guitar is an Epiphone so there's this big E on it. We've decided to name it Egbert. Do you see anything wrong with this? FartMonkey
it's better then naming it something you always forget how to spell... calling it Emu would suck too

How come our art teacher makes us rate our own work and write what grade we think we deserve? I mean my work is ok but I don't want to be one of those pompous farts and say "Oh yeah I totally rock and I'm sooo better than all of you and I deserve an A+++++"...if I write that I deserve an F, will she give me one? FartMonkey
give yourself an A and never an A+... the A+ shows that you don't think you could have done it any better while the A you can argue is good work, room for improvement, but that you are satisfied with it... it's all subjective... if you don't like how it turned out, then give yourself a lower mark...

They said they needed some duct tape to repair a bag. I wondered what was taking so long. When I got my duct tape back, it was about half as thick as it was before. Then I saw them with elaborate duct tape decorations on their pants. I'm totally in favor of pantal duct tape decorations, but why can't they get their own duct tape to do it with? Is revenge in order here? FartMonkey
i say you ask them to give you a roll to make up for their unwarrented use... if they don't do that then duct tape their hands and feet together and spank them until they cry in pain

When you are unconstipated and are functioning normally, are you supposed to not have any crap inside you until you eat, then that turns to crap, and then you crap that all out so there is once again nothing? Or is there some in there at all times? The Undisputed Turd King
that i don't know... i would think there is always a small amount in there as most people eat throughout the day... perhaps some stuff takes longer to empty out? you should go to your doctor and find out... unless you're in the US or somewhere that you have to pay for a visit to the doctor... if so then we'll get someone from canada to go and ask since we don't pay for that sort of thing...

So, the cold seasons are upon us once again. What should I do to survive the next nine months or so seeing that I'm one of the coldest people on the planet? McDiablo
you've already got the cold season? i say you move here to ontario as it's still warm here... 9 months? woah! ok i say you move into a sauna... that should help for awhile... you can also try what hans solo did and cut open some large animal and live in it for warmth

What was your favourite book when you were younger? McDiablo
well that depends on what you mean by younger... under the age of 10 it was 'the twits' by roald dahl... between the ages of 10 and 15 it was the foundation books by isaac asimov... between 15 and 20 it was hitchikers guide to the galaxy (followed closely by the talisman by stephen king and peter straub)... and now... hmmm... either a brief history of time by stephen hawking or fight club by chuck palahniuk

Why must people freak out over violent video games? McDiablo
i don't know but if you're talking about grand theft auto then i also freak out

Sept 17/03

Do you know of anyone who gets up and puts on "Saving Private Ryan"? Apparently, my younger brother is one of these people. McDiablo
no i don't... not even poptart does that and he's big into war movies

I feel like dunking my head in cold water to wake up. Should I? McDiablo
why yes... enjoy

Done anything rebellious lately? McDiablo
just screamed out the window at people... other then that... no not really... i'm not sure what counts as rebellious right now

There's this girl who looks a bit like Empriss Nikon where I work... Trouble is, she doesn't fall for my manly charms. Given that I am unused to women who do not fall at my feet and beg me to fornicate with them, how should I go about convincing her to "jump my bones"? - Mzebonga
well first you will want to find her some stuff that will amuse her as you don't appear to be doing so well on your own... perhaps a playstation 2... or a new computer... then once she's all amused with that then you can have a better chance and you can then tell her your idea of having your 'bones jumped'... how did you finally get with empriss nikon? did you have to pay her like i did?

what or who did you most recently call a son of a bitch?
hmmm... i don't really use that term...

If a person is insane, do they exist?
twice actually... and then forever

Is abortion murder? -Ferretchick
yes... but then again life is just one big long murder... for a great many it would have been better to have not existed at all

You should make cat porn, it might be entertaining. How bout it DC? -Ferretchick
um... no... but i will be having more pics taken soon

Do sun glasses make people more intimidating? I mean you can never see their eyes so you never know if they're staring at you or what. -Ferretchick
that's the wonderful part about them... people aren't sure where you're looking... that's right... i was checking out your ass...

People say something smells like a bed of roses. Have they ever smelled a bed of roses? Is it a bed made of roses or a flower bed or something else? Do they even have a clue? -Ferretchick
they are LIARS and are just trying to sound cool.. most of them don't even like roses... next time you call them liars

What if you didn't have to breathe in order to survive, would you breathe to fit in or laugh at others who have to breathe? -Ferretchick
i'd be underwater having a whole different type of life with the fish... damned fish... i'll show them all

What if you were trapped in a room with no doors or windows, just numerous clocks all ticking...But the ticking wasn't even on time so it was just annoying little ticktickticks with no time in between each one? -Ferretchick
i'd have to smash them all...

How come it seems like whores from the 1800s never got pregnant? They didn't have condoms, it seems rather strange... - Ferretchick
hmmm... i think that they did but they probably just 'disposed' of it or ... or? or i just don't know... maybe they were all aliens and couldn't get pregnant but instead just took off to their planet with the sperm...

How come the lady teaching the sewing class was so incredibly boring that she rambled for 2 hours about which fabrics would get stuck in different machines? -Ferretchick
a sewing class? run away... if she won't shut up then jam needles in her eyes and then run away

Why do i find "Hardcore Punk Rawk Day" to be an utterly useless day where punk people get discounts off of things because they're ''dressed up'' and showing "spirit" when they always dress like that? -shatteredglasses
oh so it's only ok for the seniors to get discounts? how unfair is that?

where dose acid rain exisit around the world
everywhere... it's ALL tainted to some degree

I was suprised to see that whilst you included Jackie Brown in the movies list you left out Pulp Fiction, any particular reason for this? - Bill Clinton
i personally liked jackie brown much more then pulp fiction... then again, i can't stand john travolta

Damn JCP is pretty hot, any chance that she'd leave her husband and go out with me?? Is that other guy in the sock monkey t-shirt section her huby? If he is could you please tell her that I'm way better looking than that dude, ergo, she should dump him and go out with me. - Ali-G.
hahaha... very convincing arguement... how could she not agree?

So when someone is being a bitch about having plans canceled because of an emergency, do they or do they not deserve to have flaming poo left on their doorstep? ...Oopa
oh they DO...

Are you a fan of Disney animated films? If so, who is your favourite character? McDiablo
i don't like disney the company... but if i had to chose then... um... oh yea the caterpillar in alice in wonderland... or the chechire cat

Why do milkshakes make me throw up after I consume them? McDiablo
it's all the shaking... it gets into your stomach and shakes itself out... ok damn that was a lame answer... how about you just not have them anymore?

So, uh, my mom has decided to turn on the television which is located behind me. She is going to watch "Canadian Idol". What should I do? WHAT SHOULD I DO??!! McDiablo
scream... run away... throw things... scream... scream... scream...

Have you ever personally met a fangirl (in any fandom)? I have and I think there should be a set hunting season, or at least some anti-pschotic drugs for those chicks. It's like they're permanently trippen. ...Oopa
a fangirl? hmmm... do they come labeled so i know who they are? where would i look for such things?

my studid gay homosexual lover Barry keeps hogging my dildo, what should I do? - Brad
buy him one or buy yourself another one

I caught my son jacking off to gay porn but he swears he isnt gay and that dicks just turn him on. Is he lying to me?
no... perhaps he's bisexual and both turn him on... then he isn't lying to you at all

can i please please get a monkey butt for this question? they make me laugh,... please?? - Woohoo
sigh... fine... just this once

Would you agree that The Simpsons is the greatest show in television history. My stupid friend says that Seinfield is the greatest show ever and my other even stupider friend says that Friends is the greatest show ever. Should i dump these people or simply try to look past their stupidity? Oh and heres a second question which is kind of related as it came out of the same arguement - Does liking the simpsons make me a nerd? Its not like i collect any simpsons stuff, i dont even have any simpsons video's or DVD's i just think its a funny show thats been consistently funny for 10 years - how does this make me a nerd? Heaps of cool people like the simpsons, dont they??- Bob Dole
i say you excuse their ignorance for just a little while longer... simpsons is indeed the best... its a great show... here is a site that has TONS of info on them....

Have you got a MATCH for me?
no just a lighter

hey, how are ya?! do you like horror movies? what do you think of those people who watch horror movies then cover their eyes everytime it gets really scary? leigh
hi i'm tired... and sometimes yes... sometimes no... and i don't get that... if they are watching then watch it... but then again if they're the type of person that can't get images out of their heads or dream about things like that then i can see why they'd cover their eyes but then they shouldn't watch the movie...

i think this is the longest day of my life...its good to have a new job but completing all the reqiurements is very hateful...dont you just hate going back and forth...back and forth...back and forth...up and down...up and down...why cant they just be in one area so it'll be easier for everybody!!! anyway, are you employed? what do you do? how many jobs have you had? leigh
why yes i'm employed... and jobs are rarely organized properly... i think they do it on purpose... right now i do a great many things in my job mostly involving project management and 'computers'... i have had a few jobs, all involving 'computers' and project management...

need help: for like a week now everytime i pass this particular road on my way to the office, there's this lonely pylon which always catch my attention...never a day pass that i never notice it...i feel like i'm drawn to it...its like it wants me to look at it and i'm damn itching to get it...there's just one problem though...i dont want trouble...there's a gov't notice everywhere saying that "a mere possession of road signs, etc is punishable by law"...what should i do? what would you do if you see a lonely pylon on the road? leigh
run it over... if it catches under your wheel and makes it to your house with you, then it's yours...

Wanna write my english paper for me? FartMonkey
that all depends on what it's about

I don't get it. The avoid me online...but then talk to me in person? Wtf? This is all just part of their plan, isn't it? FartMonkey
well yes... it's strange how they do that but that is again just part of their plan...

Are sockmonkey days longer than human days? Why say that the questions will be answered every 2 to 3 days when they clearly never are? Why not just be honest and change the thing and say that "questions will be answered every 4 - 5 - 6 days or whenever I feel like answering peoples pathetic lame questions." at least then we would respect you for being honest.
well mostly they are answered every 3 days but sometimes i slip and let it go to 4 days... i like the beatings that mzebonga and empriss nikon and jcp give me for being late... it just hurts so much it feels good...

Mr Burns, your campaign seems to have the momentum of a runaway steem train. Why are you so popular?
ahhhh simpsons... we all love you

Sept 22/03

I saw The Osbournes cat get rape by their dog! Horrible! we must kill that dog immediatly. Has this been reported to the CATS?
figures they'd put that on tv instead of stopping it... sigh... though i haven't seen it... and the cats are now fully aware of this and will take immediate action

How much did you pay her? What did you get for that investment? How long did it last? - Mzebonga
i think she just took everything... it was hard to remember what went on as i was unconscious for a week... and my memory has never fully come back... if i try to think about it i black out... i think it was well worth it and i look forward to experiencing it again once i am through with the therapy

why, oh WHYYY are cats going to invade the planet? I mean, i'm freaking out in my sad little batman postered walls cryiong, trying to levitate whilst writing this letter. WHY?? what did we dio to them? I'm sure my cat loves me cos it always gets sexually aroused whenn it rubs against me so why would they hatch an evil plot? Did u get this idea from cats and dogs sorry about the multiple questions but i HAVE to know and who is the leader cat evil dictator????????
it's not evil to have the cats take over... look at the horrid job that humans do... so do what the cats say and you won't be forced to work in the kitty litter mines...

Have you ever thought of ol' FartMonkey when not answering my questions? FartMonkey
why just the other night yes... it was great... too bad you weren't there

I can't feel my face. I think there really WAS no cavity. I think he just wanted some cash so he strapped me into the chair and injected strange chemicals into my gums. The voices are back! What did he inject into me? FartMonkey
brand new voices... the other voices got bored with you and wanted someone new to boss around... just do what the new voices say...

Will you pretend to be a chip and dale at my 18th borthday party!?- pinkepiphany
no... those chipmunks were annoying

What happened? I came here yesterday and it was like it has been and I came today and it was different. I like it tho it looks good. YAY! I dont think I have ever taken the time to say thanks to you DC, or to JCP and Ver for the work on this site. Good Job you guys...Did that sound sincere or like I was kissing ass?---monkeeskittles
oh it sounded sincere and i'm wiping a tear from my eye... jcp created the new design.. so i'll tell her you don't think it sucks like i told her...

Is tailgating a symptom of repressed homosexuality? If so, how does one encourage others to open and up and go find an actual ass to ride? Enfante Terrible
no i don't think it's a symptom... but then again i have really researched the whole thing... i say you make it your life's work...

Do you have any sympathy for men who whine about not wanting to use condoms? I don't but, I wondered if you would offer them any intelligent defense. Enfante Terrible
no i don't... i mean come on... the possiblity of a screaming brat that is part of your life forever... or a disease so you can't have sex forever... you can avoid it all by having it feel a little less good but still get off... how the hell does anyone NOT think it's worth it? kid or condom? disease or condom? if a guy won't wear one then he doesn't deserve to even be fucked...

Do you think that guys who jack off and sell their spooge to vain, middle class assholes, that are so desparate to make new babies rather than just adopt (if they must) spare babies that already exist, are culpable accessories to the crime of mindless breeding? I am hoping this doesn't count as a forbidden "baby question" as it is actually about breeders and my campaign to stop them. Thank you. Enfante Terrible
yes they should adopt... there are plenty of brats to go around...

Disney will soon stop doing 2d animated movies because they believe the money is in 3d. I think since more than half of their ideas are shit to begin with it won't matter what format the movie comes out it. I like 2d animation, but if you're going to put out a movie about cows how can you expect anything more than failure? ..Oopa
disney is just annoying... ignore them... i say you take over and set them straight

Have you ever walked in on a group discussin blow jobs? ...Oopa
yes actually... then they wanted me to join in on the discussion

I entirely made in the USA, can a sock monkey run for president? ... Oopa
why not? i could go run in california

"No Fido! NO! That's a discus not a frisbee!" Have you ever competed in the throwing events for track and field? ..Oopa
yes i did once... but then something got broken and that was the end of that...

Do you have female friends that regularly say things like, "That sucks my bum hole." and "Fuck me up the asshole."? ..Oopa
i used to know a few chicks like that... that time is over...

I once knew a boyscout who owned a solar-powered flashlight. Have you ever bought powdered water? ...Oopa
no i haven't...

Would you get irritated if someone told you to look for a boy/girlfriend for them and you don't have one for yourself?T.P.
i'd laugh at them and say 'find your own you dumbass'... i'm not a dating service...

DC....why does everyone generalize supid people as assholes? I take offense to that... I've been called an asshole my whole life, but I am not a moron like at least 85 percent of the people on this planet.. I think that just because people are morons doesn't make them assholes.. Your thoughts on the subject would be most appreciated......Harbinger
so you're saying that some stupid people are assholes but not assholes are stupid? then saying that some assholes are stupid is correct but all assholes are stupid is incorrect... i see... thank you for clearing that up...

Where should my friend get a piercing? Any suggestions? She isn't sure where. (no, 'down there' is not an option!)
down where? describe it... anyways i say pierce the eyebrow...

Where did all the food in my house go? McDiablo
check your sibling(s)

My mom has a thing against tattoos. I mean, I'm not going to get one because the thought of being poked multiple times with a needle doesn't thrill me, but what is her problem? McDiablo
maybe she is one of those people who got one in a not so public place while she was drunk and wants to make sure you don't get one that way...

Do you like Kool-Aid? If so, what flavour is your favourite? McDiablo
i don't anymore but when i did i liked the orange

What gives with the new page layout? It sucks! The old one was way better. Does this have something to do with the cats? Mzebonga
we love you too mzebonga <gives a big hug> we'll pay attention to you even though we have a new page layout... we can love both of you... now go play nicely with the new layout...

So wait, let me get this straight, there is no MEOW MIX?! -Ferretchick
there was but it's true... there is NONE

Do you think we start dying right after we're born or right after the sperm meets the egg? -Ferretchick
the second there is life is the second death also begins... so when the sperm fertilizes the egg

i've noticed that people go into relationships and stay in them til they realize the other person sucks. Are all relationshiips doomed to be like that? -Ferretchick
most yes... but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy being with them for awhile if they don't suck too bad

Is rain a conspiracy against nature made by the government? -Ferretchick
no... that's what cigarettes are for

DC, why do I like this freshman? I really don't know, is it the younger man appeal? -Ferretchick
age is irrelevant unless one of you isn't legal...

im going to die..*gasps for breath* they tricked me mommy lied...she made me eat meat without realizing it until i was half way done and i was like hey, this tastes funny...the she told me...should i kill her, make her beg for forgiveness, or shove bologna down her throat for 53 days, 18 hours, 33 minutes and 15 seconds?
i say you make her so guilty that she buys you two playstation2s and you send one to me

so, i went to a party last night and there was an ass ws weird, everyone started grabbing everybody elses asses...............would YOU join in an ass orgy..??????it was fun :::) irish psycho
that depends greatly on who else is in the room with me...

how come ppl say that no one is perfect and the bible says we are made in the image of god. Isnt god perfect, which means that if he is perfect then we as the image of him should be perfect? Am i right?
there is no such thing as perfection

i'm positive i won't win the good question award, but what would it take for me to win it short of self desecrating sexual favors?
if the question is appealing to me for one reason or another... some make me laugh and some make me think or sometimes i just give a great answer and want people to read it...

What if 42 really is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything? frolic is a funny word
then that'd be strange... and yes it is

Sept 25/03

When is it bad to procrastinate--or is it ever a bad thing to do? McDiablo
i'm not sure... i'll tell you later

Why do people think that three bathroom stalls are enough in the woman's washrooms? McDiablo
i'm not sure... maybe they are sick fucks? imagine if you had to piss without any stalls at all

Where in Canada do you want to visit? McDiablo
i'd like to go to BC (you can have me over for a slurpee)... see how farth north i can get before i say 'this sucks i'm leaving'... go to alberta and see dinosaurs... and go to cape breton... all the stuff in the middle will be good to see too

Why do people think I am insane? I mean honestly, it's not like I talk to myself or shout at random words like "cabbage!"... much. -frolic is a funny word
and why NOT? you should start so that you don't bring shame to the insane name

I agree with you DC, I think JCP can do better... But I don't want her to hurt me, so you tell her. OKay? - Mzebonga
i fell for that last time and got my ass kicked... she never believes me when i say 'no really, mzebonga said to say it'... ok that's a lie cuz i can't even say mzebonga and in reality i just say mizbonga which sounds a lot like ms bonga... or missybonga or bongaboy... how the hell are you supposed to say that anyways?

What is up with the weather out here in B.C.? I mean, I wake up, look out my window and see a big, black cloud approaching, so I think, 'Ok, looks like pants weather'. I put on some pants and two layers of shirts .... and the sun comes out. Should I maybe watch the weather on the news more often or what? McDiablo
i have found that there is a channel that tells me what the temprature will be in the morning... afternoon and evening... sometimes they lie but it makes me feel like i'm somehow 'informed' and 'prepared'... in closing i'd like to say go for the pants that have the legs unzip into shorts...

Do people on my online class post their assignments in the nude? Miss Roger's Sweater was joking about it, but I'm starting to wonder. McDiablo
at the very least two of them have and laughed while doing it... i wonder how many people have talked to me online or posted a question here while nude... i'm sure mzebonga has...

How long does it take you to digest liquids? McDiablo
i think it depends on a great number of things including the liquid, the person, the time of day and where the moon is

I was thinking about your insane decorating tips for a long time. The other day I was bored so I said You know what? I'm going to hang those socks from my ceiling. I recieved no response, probably because nobody else was there. So I tacked a bunch of socks to the ceiling and named them all. Bernie, Charlies, Agnes..that one in the corner hasn't earned a name yet..we'll have to decide his fate at a later point. I also tacked my converse to the ceiling. I think mommy is worried. What do you think? FartMonkey
i think it's great and where are the pictures??? i'd like some... that's what we do here at we help you find solutions for your every day lives

do you like cheese? david
yes... but in theory no

Why is it called a phillips screw driver? Phillip doesn't own it, its my damn screw driver!!--TL34
i think it's the person who invented that type... most people don't know what a robertson screw driver is... it's a canadian thing i think

Why can't people understand that I dislike this whole "calling" thing, phones frighten me. Is there any way to make this more obvious aside from telling them whenever they ask me to call? -Ferretchick
disconnect it... or break it... breaking it works very well... especially if you can get it to emit loud noises that causes the person calling to cringe...

Why do i find sheep so amusing? -Ferretchick
it's the way their feet jut out of the wool

Do you beleve in time travel
sure but to be honest i only truly believe it is possible for us to go forward... if you go back then you are going along an alternate timeline... then again if there is such a thing as alternate time lines then everything is going on anyways... either way... i say humans can only go forward in time if they ever can at all ... plus time is pretty screwed up due to gravity and such...

what is the word for not liking someone but with not hating them...?because i feel that for you man..harshhhh
i think you're feeling neutral... or you're in complete denial of having feelings towards me... be they pure hate or pure love...

harshhlllyyy..i do not like you but nor do i despies you..but hey you can regain my likeness 4 you by answering this with a nice shiny green monster head by the side.Where has the flowers gone?beneath the willow tree?or lost in the streams?oh where oh where ..have they gone?-pleaseytakey
no award for you... you don't deserve one

ive just thought about you and your life and i wonder....this website...if you wernt doing this right now .i mean at this exact moment as you read these "questions"...what would u be doing instead or has this become like a partner to you and you cant imagine your life without it?(i wont recommend saying yes to that, people will pity then laugh at you, well one person will)anyways i have thoughts and i want answers SO GIMME! -Pleaseytakey(i still do not have an liking for you,but dont let that affect your answers or decision in answering these) could create a new person to fall for that little scam 5$ club of yours....
how nice of you to think about me all on your own... i'd be off being a super hero that did many fantastic things but since you keep writing in then i'm forced to answer which makes it everyone elses fault and not mine... will you still cry for me? instead i'd prefer you send me cash... to be honest i don't know if i have much of a liking for you... maybe you sending me stuff in the mail will help me to begin considering to give you a good question award as it appears you won't be getting it any other way...

Why will my cd player only play one of my cd's (avril lavigne) without having to make those spinny whirring noises for about 8 minutes first? And when it makes those noises what's going on in there? FartMonkey
i think it's time to get a new cd player... just suck it up and go get one... well ok maybe try cleaning it first

Got any ideas on how to attempt to humiliate the pompous oaf who's convinced that I'm in love with him? FartMonkey
is humiliation needed? why not just duct tape over the mouth and a carefully worded threat?

I gave the vending machine money. It made me think the bag was going to fall, but instead it "accidentally" snagged on the coil and got stuck there. So I said fine, I'll have to buy another bag to get the first one. So I put more money in. The first one fell out and the second one snagged. I got frustrated because I had no more money and I couldn't smash the metal cage open and get my money back because the security trolls were behind me. How shall I get my revenge? FartMonkey
karate kick it repeatedly until you realize that you're not doing any damage at all... then write down the toll free number on the side and you phone and tell them your story (minus the kicking... they don't like that) and tell them that its hanging there RIGHT NOW and you want it and that you've stopped everyone from buying until you GET THEM... tell them lots of people are walking away without spending money... tell them you have signs up to boycott them until you get what is due to you...

Why must we like him? Why do his friends swear at us? FartMonkey
you don't like him... just the idea of him... and they swear because they truly have nothing better to say

How many hours/minutes a week do you spend answering these questions, on average? ...Oopa
takes 15 to 40 minutes every three days... it depends on the amount of questions... and how many questions deserve answers that are longer then a few words

I really like sock monkeys although I've never made one. Walmart sells a $9.87 kit to make one but to me that's cheating. Where can I get my hands on a cheap pair of those old grey and red socks? My grandma make me a monkey sock when I was very little. I wish I still had the monkey sock...I mean....sockmonkey.I want to make a fancy one with sequins and feathers and such since I have those supplies on hand. Would you like a picture of it if I ever make one? Yours Truly' GG p.s. I really like Curious George too. I wonder what his voice would sound like if he ever spoke. What if he had a real deep voice!!? That would be funny I think!
the cheap part is the socks... stuffing is what costs money so i say you steal a bunch of pillows from a friends house and use that stuffing... then spend as much money as needed to get soft socks to use for making a sock monkey... nothing worse then a scruffy sock monkey

IM NOT CREATIVE,I SURE WISH I WAS ...LATLEY IVE BEEN SELF DOUBTING MYSELF!hmm..sry about that, i guess i just got another person to not like me..wah.. I have no talents..?im lonley..lifes going so slow..i have to keep going..i really cant handle it anymre, i have no were to go.(tear)
this is one of those role-playing exercises isn't it? the type where you pretend to be all 'woe i me' and then when i go to comfort you then you throw paint in my face... yea i know that type and let me tell you i'm not falling for it so just eat your paint and shut the hell up

what will it take to win your first born in a bet? if the leafs will win the stanley cup this season...I can have the first born?-KillingJoy
i do NOT plan on breeding... even the whole 'leafs winning the cup' thing won't distract me...

Reproductin isnt all that can create a humanin your picture!but not by the things you say..but the things you surround it with!or in your case you can create a sock monkey!ooo!Just reveiw your own childhood... things that marked patterns in your life and things you wish you were exposed to and what was off'll change your mind about things believe me!you can do good... if you dont screw up, you could create a little charlie manson, whatever you want:)YAH!- Im so Torn,Why has my brain left me?
all that talk of breeding made your brain run away... mine too... i feel ill now as well... me breeding... not a good thought

Sept 28/03

What if you had TWO tails? Could you sew another tail onto your existing butt? Or maybe like five? Think of it...FartMonkey
now that you mention it... i do have some room for extra tails... what a great idea!

Wouldn't it be cool if I could just kinda space out until tomorrow? Or maybe even tonight? Cuz I have to finish writing this cursed english paper now, and it's gonna be boring as all get out. Speaking of which, what does "all get out" mean, anyway? FartMonkey
yes it would be good but not today... only because today is a sunday... i'd rather space out and miss the week and just wake up on weekends... then again... that's a huge ripoff... why should i have to give up 5 days to work? how unfair

Why does the word bulbous make me laugh? frolic
it's just so fun to say... how can it not make you laugh? well ok it didn't that time... but it will

Why are there so many names for toilets? e.g bathroom, restroom, john, loo, wc, bog, little boys/girls room, le pissoir etc and why do people think girls always need to go to the toilet in pairs? frolic
there are many things that have many different names... take cheese for example... you can call cheese all sorts of names... as for chicks going to the bathroom in pairs... i think it's due to the idea that one girl goes to the bathroom while the other one stands by the bathroom entrance to make sure there are no sick fucks hanging out that get off on the sounds of chicks pissing and shitting...

pleasyTakey has read your answer and unimpressed, do you mean to entartain or create relationships?not that i ask one from you, im words without feeling... i think im gona study you.
you're not the first to 'study' me... one person did some sort of thesis on me... that's beside the point... the point is that no, i will not paint smiles on dolls in your toy factory

I'm doing awful in school this year. What's responsible for my sudden stupidity? -Ferretchick
it's the font used in the text books... retype them all into your computer and set the font to something that is better for learning...

If I were to die or suddenly leave everyone, would they miss me? I highly doubt it as I have never contributed anything good. Bad things yes...-Ferretchick
some of them would miss you... others would pretend to for a suitable amount of time... and there is one person who would decide they can't live without you and so they will pretend to be you for awhile...

His hair is all funny and wooshy, perhaps I should touch it? Or would that octopus come out and try to kill me again? -Ferretchick
it's something that you should be willing to find out... go on... touch it

Why do they always run away from me? -Ferretchick
it's the pins you jab into their eyes to see if they are 'real'

I'm researching a presentation about this serial killer pyscho dude Ed Gein. Do you know anything about him?can you write my presentation about Ed Gein for me ?
do the work yourself... and then send it in to me and i'll tell you if you got anything wrong...

So, my friends and I thought it'd be fun to go through a corn maze at night. It was enjoyable...except we didn't find our way through! We got as far as the second marker, wandered around for half an hour and could not find the third. We decided (after finding the forth one) that we would head back out the way we came. On our way back, we found the third marker. What...the...HELL? McDiablo
that's the sort of thing that happens with corn mazes... sometimes the corn gets extremely violent and will beat people with their cobs and then eat them... you're lucky you survived... that and the markers are in many different dimensions

After reading what I went through in the previous question, how much did my friends and I deserve a Slurpee??? McDiablo
you all deserved free large slurpees

My sister seemed very amazed that I burned two CDs. I guess she was unaware that I did. Or did she think I didn't know how to burn them? McDiablo
next time slap a sign on the door that says 'magic show' and charge her a dollar

Did you miss me? Or did you even notice that I was gone? --EP
oh yea... boy did i miss you... yea... i missed you a lot

sorry ive been gone for a while but i was off fighting the good war over in france. i was parachuting in to the western front when a strong wind carried me off course about 8 miles (or was it kilometers? idont know. damn metric system!) anyways i ended up landing in the grape orchid of a french farmer. he knew a little english and was very hospitible, he gave me civilian clothing and a bed for the night. in the mornig he came to wake me, he told me to countinue to rest while he saw to food, drink, and a bath for me, and one more thing "the needs of a man" i wasnt sure about the last thing but he seemed trustworthy. he came for me around noon he took me to the household kittchen where i met his wife and his wife's lovly sister annet. we then preceeded to eat lunch.after lunch was done i properly thanked them, he said there was no need for such formalitys he then instructed me to follow annet for she will prepare my bath. i followed annet to the bathroom where, as i sat in the corner, she set the bath the whole time coyly smiling at me. when the bath was ready she then began to unbutton her blouse. what happened after that i will keep to myself for i am a gentelman.when we returned to the kittchen i explained to the farmer and his wife my honest intentions to marry annet, they, including annet, then began to laugh at me for 3 minutes after wich he said " no need, we are french." im still confused about that whole episode.oh well. so did you ever hear "country death song"?did you like it? " what is your name? what is your quest? what is the average speed of a swallow?"--db"_"
your entry is disturbing... i mean... do i take the time to see if that's from something even though i don't care? do i reply to the questions tossed in there that qualifies this entry of yours since it's met my rules? do i just ignore the stream of words that doesn't hold any amusement and even when it does then you won't tell more? i think that i've learnt to expect more out of you... is this a decoy entry to distract me while you go through my closet?

DC, How much monkey poo could a sock monkey chuck if a sock monkey could chuck monkey poo?--TL34
a great amount of monkey poo... about the same amount it takes to build a house of monkey poo....

Oct 1/03

Will Peter Pan ever really grow up? -- Smee
oh smee... my precious smee... no... but he WILL die...

fuck intelectuall property man! why do some people take other 'superiorpeople' 'superior' quotes and gives fuckin-tremendous credit to those 'superiorpeople' when infact i just said the same thing right out of my brain first!!! (last week to be precise!) -deserv5
well your PR people should be fired... i say you get a whole new ad campaign going and start taking the credit you so rightfully deserve

am i being stupid just coz i'm an attention seeker? if so, can i plead insanity if i were to pulp/rape someone for no reason? ( logic:stupid=cant think=maddog insane) -deserv5
yes and yes you can but you'd deserve your ass to be beaten in forever if you go rape someone

u look cool in that shades DC! must be feeling smug right now and always coz alot of people GIVING THEIR FUCKING WORTHLESS ATTENTION AT YOU! dammit... cant you ever stop smiling like that? if you do, can i take over your place? -deserv5
i can stop smiling... and no... you'd be a poor replacement

you like it when i smile at you... that funny feeling you get in your pants is because you like me... that's why you keep staring at me too...

Where did my brain cells go? McDiablo
i think you ate them that day you found something crunchy in your slurpee...

If all the bands I like now decide to tour in 30 years, will they charge a lot of money for tickets? My mom is having this problem right now. McDiablo
yes they will... and when they do... you can think back to this day and think 'damn... dc was right'

Do you like pretzels? McDiablo
yes i do

Have I asked this before? - Mzebonga
so many times that i now am clawing at my own face to try to escape it

After parting with someone on even slightly bad terms, isn't it great to say "If I turned up dead tomorrow, you'd feel just a little bit worse"? I mean even though nobody gives a flyin crap about me, its funny to say though, right? FartMonkey
well first you were asking if it were great... and then funny... and no

What do you think the dumbest method of suicide would be? FartMonkey
crying to death

What do you think of people who shave their arms? How about guys who have really bad unibrows so they shave it off or ..whatever they do about it? FartMonkey
i don't care if people shave their arms... and hey... if that's what they do then whatever... as long as those things don't get done to me

I'm feeling unloved. Here's a shiny quarter! Will you be my fffffrrrrriiiieeeennnndddd? FartMonkey
um... no... but mzebonga might... <glances over at mzebonga> oh... no he won't either... sorry

If Al Gore invented the internet, did he also invent the wheel? FartMonkey
that statement = false

What else could I stick up on my ceiling? The socks are cool but some other stuff would be cooler yet..I keep forgetting to take a you really want a picture or are you just messing with my head? FartMonkey
candy wrappers... strange ads for products you would NEVER use... and yes i would like to see a picture... you can give us permission to put it in the insane decorating article so people can see how to do it

why is it that the guy who wrote the check and forgot his id is always in front of me in line?
there is someone in your life who pays that person to do those sorts of things to you... if you think about all those annoying moments that happen every day you will begin to see that it's all the same person doing it only to YOU

do you think porn is the new national pasttime...or is it online chat?
they are pretty much the same thing

How come superman always flies with his fists out in front of him and subsequently flies forward, but then if he moves his arm out to the side to grab somebody, he doesn't turn that way? Does he HAVE to fly with his fists out in front of him? Wouldn't it be more comfortable for him to fly in a reclining chair with a refreshing beverage? FartMonkey
i'm as stunned as you are that you got the good question award... it's funny how those things happen sometimes... and i think he does that just to look all 'tough' and 'bold' while flying... he's just pushing the wind down his body so the cape looks all 'floating' behind him...

How many pills do I gotta take to die? FartMonkey
take this one and that should do it

How many of my questionairre/whatif answers will get good awards? How many will get monkey butts? FartMonkey
well i don't know... that all depends how funny you people are and if it is jcp or i doing it

I'll make this short and sweet: You want in on my mass production and sales of dartboards featuring madonna kissing britney? For no apparent reason, I feel that you are entitled to at least 20%. FartMonkey
sure... unless i have to do any work

It's OCTOBER and it's still 105 degrees here. Why? FartMonkey
oh big wahhhhh.... just live with it you enjoy being beaten into submission? FartMonkey
sometimes yes i enjoy a damned good beating

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