And what if I'm just too darn lazy to press the little button?
well then the world will come to an end and ... oh wait... that's something else... never mind

dc, with all the surgerey that goes on, couldn't you just have a dick sewn onto u? irish psycho
i could but then how would my tail feel? well i guess they'd feel the same... hmmm... it'd be like having two tails...

Long time no see, what have you been up to? Do you miss me? I've not been up to much, I did go a holiday that was fun,but it was over way to quickly.Sally
i had indeed wondered where you had gone... a holiday? where did you go? does that mean it's my turn for a holiday?

Tell Jcp I like her nothing really diary. She rocks. Since I haven't been here in months I had a fair bit to catch up on. Why don't you have a diary? Sally
well i figure that i share enough with you all during these questions... and i've passed on your words to jcp...

hey dc i have returned from the great beyond.. have i missed anything important? - Miss Roger's Sweater
isn't it nice to have everyone come back... sure, i was left here alone but you brought me something... right? right?

my work is suppose to go on strike tomorrow, but i just heard on the news that they're negoitating more.. should i just go to work tomorrow and sleep? - Miss Roger's Sweater
well yea go there and see what's up... grab a microphone and host your own tv show... that would be even better and then you'd have your own 'Miss Roger's Sweater - News You Can Eat To' show and everyone will let you do whatever you want...

McDiablo comes home tomorrow! should i throw her a huge surprise party? or just taker her for a slurpee... - Miss Roger's Sweater
i say throw a huge slurpee on her! that is the best of both worlds...

who knew webcams could be so much fun? - Miss Roger's Sweater
well some of us knew... and when will we be able to view this webcam of yours? i heard you do a great puppet show...

why do all tv shows on sunday suck? - Miss Roger's Sweater
they suck every other day of the week too... but yes sunday is the worst... that's when they are trying to make you feel beaten down again for monday when you go back to school or work

Did you know that they separated us at birth because I kept trying to kill you? Anyhow, what were a Sock Monkey and a BogGoblin doing being born in the same place anyway? - Mzebonga
i always wondered why that birthmark looked like a bite mark... and i thought you were told about mom... and that's why you have those webbed feet of yours

Small children came, They came and beated me! Curse them! *points to kids wielding pinata stick* Why are they so twisted that they feel they have to bludgeon me with a stick in order to reap the rewards of my delicious guts??? WHY? -Ferretchick
children are assholes... what you need to do is get an army and bash the kids open to eat THEIR delicious guts

What if you could only say two words to get the cats from ripping you to pieces? What two words would you say?
i'd say 'i've got catnip' but due to only being able to say two words... i'd be dead before the catnip part

Now, I know you're a very busy monkey, but if you were paid large sums of money would you whore yourself out to wealthy old men with withered dicks and make their wildest fantasies (such as dipping you in that green nursing home jello) come true? -ferretchick
change the jello to orange and my answer is yes... tell your grandpa i'll be over later

Get them off me! Get them off! AHHH! What do you think is eating me alive? -ferretchick
fire ants... they're like that

Why are you and everyone else on this message board thing so fucked up? And is goober Michael Goober?
not fucked up... insane... you know... the whole 'theINSANEdomain' thing? maybe you missed it on your way in... and you just wanted to say goober... that is kind of fun... goooooober....

dc, have i called you a devil spawn? leigh
not lately but don't think i've missed the hate letters you've been sending me calling me every other nasty thing you can think of...

why did the broken elephant take my shoe from the naked hobo on the corner of my plate?
broken elephants can do whatever they want... poor elephants... do you know the shit they have to put up with? they deserve all the shoes they want...

I took Emerald camping with my family for ten days. She enjoyed herself. Have you ever been camping? McDiablo
yes i've been camping a number of times... it's something that most sock monkeys love... i'm glad to hear you took emerald... hopefully she didn't cause too much trouble... she gets a bit crazy sometimes...

The pictures of the new sock monkeys are great. I'm curious to know where Casey purchased that straw hat...? McDiablo
i'm not sure exactly... i'll ask her next time i see her...

Why do birds choose to be annoying in the wee hours of the day? McDiablo
if i knew i would be out stopping them... damned birds... they fly by my window screaching and cawing every damned morning that i try to sleep in... they wake me up before my alarm during the week... they follow me around and squawk into my office window... damned birds

is there a way to stop the madness?hes a freak and hes bugging my damn kids!tell michael jackson to get out of my life,how do i do it?jim bibble
ask him NICELY... damnit no one ever thinks to just be polite to the guy anymore...

Why does the cutlery hate me?? It seems to have such a bitter grudge against me, I can't figure out why. Sure I eat with it, but now is the time to bring unity between my spoon. Why doesn't this little bitch just become one with me already?? -Ferretchick
it's years of shoveling the food into your mouth and in thanks you give it some lemon scented soap that it hates... buy something new... maybe then you can repair the damage between you...

I lost my pants, i think my grandma has been wearing them around the house but there is a massive gravy stain on her should i wash her?
use the hose... and a long nozzle... but not that long you sick freak

in all the porn i see the guys have scary curving dicks, my doesn't do that, its a long straight there something wrong with me?
well besides your insane need to star in porn.. no... but to be sure... photograph it and send it to all your friends

so, gimme a dollar amount here... how much to just straight fuck you? can i let my friends watch? what if i threw in some kinky?
$5 million... yes but that's free... and ok but i'm not wearing fancy shoes or wearing a gag

what the fuck is wrong with earwigs?! you sick bastard... i thought you were better than that. way to descriminate cuz they don't have a skeletal system. fucking bigot. - EmprissNikon
just because you have some sort of sick relationship with them doesn't mean i have to... i told you before that i wasn't into those kinda games and you threw me out...

let's see....what is the weirdest place you've ever had hot monkey sex? - GeT_KiNkY!
well that one hotel room was weird as hell... there were exposed wires everywhere... all the walls were a strange shade of pink... the floor was pink straw... the beds weren't beds at all... just cardboard replicas... which made it hard to do a few things as they collapsed when you sat on them... for some reason the dresser was real... there were no drawers in it... the ceiling was covered with pages from the bible... the tap in the bathroom was running, yet when someone went to turn it off, it wouldn't be running anymore... outside there was a festival going on, and ringing and other noises from it were easily heard through the walls... the lights from the games out the front of the hotel flashed all night long... since there were no windows it was sometimes confusing... though in a way it made everything that much weird but fun at the same time... basically i woke up the next day covered in body paint and paralyzed for about an hour... couldn't speak for a week...

Hey, DC, how long till the apocolypse?
you missed it... it happened already... sorry you didn't see it..


what if you run out of clean clothes except for 3 pants, one is polka dot(black n yellow), then stripes(green n orange), checkered (pink and black), would you wear any of 'em? leigh
sure i would... well not the pink one though... i don't like the color pink...

I went on holiday to Bankok and Phuket in Thailand, I think it definetly could be your turn for a holiday ,where will you go? Sally
nowhere as fun as that... i'm hoping to get to ottawa in the next month or so.... even if it's just for a short visit...

Do you or any other members of TID have psychic powers? FartMonkey
why yes... but i'm not going to tell you about them... we don't want you emailing us a million times asking us what your 'numbers' are...

What if WE asked YOU the What Ifs ? FartMonkey Oh wait..we kinda do already...well answer it anyway
well i'd explode... and who says that we don't make up names and answer sometimes?

Why won't the fork keep working? It worked with me just a little bit, then it stopped. Why won't it keep working? I've asked it nicely and screamed at it! They're all gonna think I'm lying! FartMonkey
the best solution is to bury it and deny all existance of it... there is NO other way out...

What, if any, do you think the message is that's trying to be conveyed to me when coins start pushing out through the glass of my change jar and flying at me at extremely dangerous speeds, aiming for my eyes and jugular? FartMonkey
i would say it's time to roll the little jerks up and cash them in for some agreeable bills... as clearly the message they wish to inflict upon you is one of death and ill-will

Ok, now I want to know WHY in a deck of cards do you have to call the one suit "clubs" instead of "clovers"? Who would ever think to call them clubs? They're little pictures of clovers! You can't bludgeon somebody with them, so they're not clubs! What next, will they make us call the hearts "candles" or something dumb like that? Well I've got news for you! I'm no sheep! I'm calling them clovers! Who's with me? FartMonkey
well it's kind of like the original star trek in that it may have seemed like a good idea at the time but now that you look back and see the bad outifts, horrible 'effects' and the bad acting it's more just something we've learnt to live with... but i'll protest with you... CLOVERS

The other day i was hoseing off my little brother in the street when i noticed and old man with his ass pressed firmly against my windows writing his name in shit, naturally i chased after him with the nearest fan belt and paddled down to the hardware store where he was slaping badgers with knee socks. When i returned home i tried to wash off his name but it wouldnt come off, how do i wash away "Umberto" written in shit on my window?!? -Racoon Man
you use your ass... how do you know for SURE that he was writing it and not trying to help you out by removing it with his ass? did you make SURE? did you? did you even ask?

i've been housesitting for my friend and have to go home tomorrow.. what if i refuse to go home? - Miss Roger's Sweater
you might have to pay rent then... is it worth it?

my work still hasn't figured out if we're on strike yet.. can i kick someone? - Miss Roger's Sweater
yes... kick them ALL... that will show the jerks

can i sell you my soul, so i can get a few thousand bucks to pay for school? - Miss Roger's Sweater
if i had a few extra thousand then yes... but then where is MY thousands so i can go to school?

holy shit, it's august! when did that happen? - Miss Roger's Sweater
it distracted me there too for awhile...

When are you guys are going to answer the questionaire and what ifs? Or should I do a forced marriage between JCP and a fat, ugly arab?
well they ARE up... does anyone ever write in and say 'damn, you people work really hard on this site and i just thought i'd tell you we appreciate it...' ... no they don't... just whining and complaining...

Why do some people out there feel the need to treat others like complete, utter shit? McDiablo
i'm not sure... i think it has to do with the 'being human' part

What is Miss Roger's Sweater going to do with 11 books that she needs for one class? Quite frankly, I'm scared to find out, but I feel I must know. McDiablo
well the school has run low on funds for chairs.. so they are selling books that students pile up and use as chairs...

no, dear, i threw you out cuz you ate crackers in bed. i asked you REPEATEDLY to eat your crackers in the living room or kitchen, but you insisted on eating them in my sheets. now, seriously, was it so hard to just stop? - Nikon
how can you be like that with CRACKERS? it's what brought us together and now you banish them from the bed? and what the hell does all that have to do with people in shampoo commercials... why is it always girls? don't guys wash their hair anymore?... can i come back to bed now?

Will I get lead poisoning if I chew on pencils? McDiablo
not if you chew on the end with the eraser... or candy that just looks like a pencil... DON'T DIE WHAT WOULD THE SLURPEES AND EMERALD DO WITHOUT YOU?!!!

was there ever a clock that doesnt tick? leigh
well most of the digital clocks don't tick...

why do boys seem to have a life's goal of seeing how many girls they can make cry?
they don't... some do... but not all... just like how it's some girls life goal to make guys life miserable... let's face it... most humans do things just to piss off others and make their lives suck...

What can I do to keep this mighty evil old man that tries to steal my grilled cheese out of my dreams? Please help me. -JimBoBob
it's time to TAKE CONTROL... learn how to lucid dream and you'll be set

When was your last tetanus shot? FartMonkey
i've never had one? oh oh... now you know

What's the most irritating product jingle you can think of right now? Where do they get people willing to sing those idiot jingles? They don't even have tunes anymore...its just a bunch of words thrown together..FartMonkey
there are so many it's hard to narrow it down... let's just put all coors commercials in that category of sucking ass... although teeth whiting commercials are bad...

As if this hasn't been asked 2400 times, what does JCP stand for? FartMonkey
well maybe not that many times... but it stands for her initials... her first name is jennifer... now go point and laugh at her...

Does JCP give you regular beatings? Like on the hour, or every day, or just whenever you seem to need one? Does she use a whip or a lead pipe or what? FartMonkey
yes she does actually... but doesn't schedule them rigidly so that it doesn't lose the element of surprise or fear... she's used a whip a few times... but sticks mostly to rulers, belts, coffee cups and burning me with lighters... don't tell her i told you though... i need to go out tomorrow and don't want to have to explain bruises away AGAIN...

If I bury my best friends demon dog under an orange tree will the magical citris make chocolate oranges appear???
you know, i too thought this until i did such a thing and let me tell you... it's not all like what people say... i mean yea they're chocolate oranges but... i mean... ok.. so they're chocolate oranges... now what? what do you do with them? they're everywhere... you dream about them... you stumble over them... everywhere... and does anyone want them? no not really... the best you can hope for is that you can get stupid people to buy them as 'stocking stuffers' at xmas... so just think about what you're doing before you do this... is it worth it?

How do you explain the dancing cows on the side of the street? they keep sayin chikin to....but i like sock monkeys....what do i do? -SAMDUDE
refuse and throw gummie bears at them... that will show them that YOU are the boss of YOU... who's the boss of samdude?
SAMDUDE... now go show them...

is bad breath dangerous to health...i've been exposed to it since the arrival of my new colleague...i havent done any moves about telling the guy of his bad i putting the whole office in danger? should i wait for the flies to take over the office before i tell the guy of his bad breath...leigh
carry around mints and offer them to everyone... maybe they will take one... or just leave a package of mints on their chair and hope they get the hint... if that doesn't work then begin a war of the bad breath...

why is zoltron looks more like an alien than a robot? leigh
because he IS an alien and NOT a robot

Aug 12/03

What's with that freaky lookin doll thing on the main page? Is it holding its stomach, about to puke? Is that like a cabbage patch kid? I HATE those things.FartMonkey
it's the head of a cabbage patch kid... and the body of the kid.... sometimes we put strange (and/or hidden) things on the main page to see if anyone notices...

In recent years a favorite sport of mine is to torture and dismember those little cheap barbies you get in kids meals from McDonalds. I've ripped out all their hair, painted them,split them in pieces, done leg and arm switches, stretched, run over, dragged, and even burned one, but the ranger came and yelled at us...what do you think of this practice? FartMonkey
i think you should photograph your 'sport' and send the photos to us so we can be happy...

Have I always been bitter or am I noticing this more now since I have become "old"? McDiablo
well now that you're getting older... you can explore to a deeper sort of bitter compared to when you were a kid... it's great really... music will become better in some cases... you should be proud of your maturing bitterness...

What was the last thing you purchased and was it worth the money you paid? McDiablo
um... <attempts to put some thought into this> well besides food... i bought shampoo... it was worth the money in the sense that it got my hair clean without making it smell like flowers or something dumb...

My cat will be turning one year old in six days. What should we buy for her birthday present? McDiablo
catnip toys... some tuna... maybe a special spot in the sun...

Why do so many Blondes dye their roots black? Krokus
they're actually not blondes if you can believe it... the dark roots let you know that they're LIARS

Damn, you people work hard on your site and I really appreciate it. But I work harder on mine. Mostly because I don't have a job. Are you gonna help out again any time soon? - Mzebonga
why thank you, and you can't prove that... besides... it's the summer and you can't MAKE me do anything

could you sympathize with my pain, im making kraft diner..(kinda its a differnt brand),well i put water in the saucer and brought it to a boil, when it starts to boil you put the noodles in so i opened the box and poured it in along with the package of cheese!! now the thing is soak and all the cheese is stuck to the packet argh...3rd time happing to me litterly...can you relate?-SissO
i'm glad to hear it's NOT kraft... and to be honest... i've never done that before... but i can sympathize with other pain that i would imagine is similar... i say coffee is needed

Do you know what "ay yo up" means? McDiablo
no i don't... and i don't really want to know... that sort of thing might bring down my IQ

My mom has finished reading the new Harry Potter book. Will her life go on more smoothly now? McDiablo
it might... then again.. she might go crazy and decide to find herself a magic wand and she'll disappear for weeks...

When you're home alone, do you often find that that's when your house creaks the most? McDiablo
i don't mind the creaking... in fact... it's better then those noisy people stomping around that normally drowns out the creaking..

What sort of psychic powers do you and the other members of TID have? -Ferretchick
well i can read some peoples minds and jcp can force others to do her evil bidding through mind control

Tomorrow is school, a bizarre sort of imprisonment forcing me to suffer through all that is dumb and obsolete in the real world (except art). Any ideas of fun things that I can do to tear myself away from the everyday monotony that my parents put me through? -Ferretchick
bring a sketchbook (or blank pages) and draw on them as the teacher is blah blah blahing... just make sure you're listening so they can't do the 'you're not paying attention' thing...

when will you learn? it's never going to work between us... you're a sock monkey... i'm a person. sometimes inter-species dating just won't work. we're too different... and the cotton tail thing isnt working for me. i'm sorry. maybe in another life. - Nikon
damnit there is WIRE in there... wire NEVER goes limp... i don't even have to be AWAKE... but fine... be that way... you'll come back... they always do... and you're just trying to save face after flirting with everyone on the my.tid forums... don't deny it... some of us know the TRUTH

Hi! my computer was going scewy for awhile there, have you missed me? Ohhhh guess what? My birthday was Friday! Do i get a present??--monkeeskittles
i was wondering why you had disappeared off the forums in my.tid... and here's your present...

Aug 18/03

I like my present it was the best one i got! Do you have any ideas? any at all?-monkeeskittles
i have lots of ideas all the time and once i put them in a sack and threw them over the rainbow twice but it kept coming back so then i had to kick it and i did but it hurt my foot so i stopped

How should I seek revenge on my english teacher? FartMonkey
learn another language even BETTER then you know english... that will show your teacher

Do you think they're ever going to forget that I thought monkeeskittles was a man? - Mzebonga
well not for awhile.. i mean... it's hard to tell until you grab a handful sometimes... but i'm sure she'll hold that against you until you beg for mercy on the forums

How will I react when I get my next bank statement in the mail (seeing I've paid for my courses and books)? McDiablo
well i'd suggest you sit on something absorbant... for when you piss yourself... and have someone near you to hold you while you cry....

Is it healthy to be addicted to Playstation? McDiablo
if the game is grand theft auto or any other equally enjoyable game... then not at all

Will feeding my neighbour's dog biscuits make her stop barking at us? McDiablo
you can try but i can't promise anything...

Was it just my computer? FartMonkey
i thought so too at first but then i realized that all the power had gone out in the city

Why did the power go out? I think it was the governmet and they wanted to shut down your site. WE MUST KILL THEM!
i know! what were they thinking?! i mean i know they hate us but to take out millions of people's power just to get back at us? well let me tell you... it didn't work! we hung out and had fun and now we're back online... so toooooo bad for you government... you can't win

Aug 21/03

How the heck did we run out of gas? I went to the gas station and they said they had none. I got the same results from all the gas stations within a six mile radius of the one that did have gas. Why the fuck don't they get the city more gas? -Ferretchick
they were just lying to you... they didn't want to sell you gas... they wanted you to drive around and get confused so they could laugh at you... go show them... go show them ALL

What do people mean by "there is nothing to fear but fear itself"? I think its a completely inane statement that has taken all the fun out of my life.
i think maybe you have taken it too far... i mean... there are other things to fear... the constant threat of humans and aliens is quite a valid fear... in order to bring back fun... i say you get some fish

So when they say "tu eres la piche marreno!" very loud, its a bad thing? -Ferretchick
i don't know... what does it mean?

Our dress code sucks. If a millimeter of stomach shows when our shirt hikes up after we put on our backpacks we're sent to the office. Its 110+ degrees outside, they should get the fuck off our backs about it. Any suggestions for revenge while i wait for the preppy-suv-driving-rich-moms to die? (They run the system, apparently they're oblivious to the fact that their kids are already unstoppable whores whether or not they show a millimeter of stomach)
well it does suck that you can't wear clothes that aren't so heat-retaining... there should be a light tshirt that you can wear that's uniform... sign petitions or something...

Teacher, can I have some more paste? Mine's all gone..... -Ferretchick
ok but use a spoon next time... you made a huge mess

DC, how do i get confused with a man? will you please give Mzebonga a message? tell him i forgive him and it was kinda funny and all i need is some popcorn and all is forgiven. Do you think I should as for something else? Hey, maybe me, you and Mzebonga could start a riot or something against something dumb, could be fun?--monkeeskittles
i'm not sure how he thought you were a man... maybe he just assumes that everyone is a man until he's slapped... i'll relay your message... well ok i won't but he'll read it here... and i'm always up for a good riot... make sure we ask everyone on my.theinsanedomain to join in

oooowwwww my tongue hurts, did you have something to do with this DC or is it because of that damned piece of metal that was shoved through there Sunday? I think you had something to do with it and if i find out you did *shakes fist at you*-monkeeskittles
i think it's the metal thing... no beatings for me today...

Should I forgive them or be angry for the next 40 years? - Mzebonga
be angry for 20 and forgive them for 20... that way they can't accuse you of being one of those people that never let's anything go but the minute you do then suddenly it's worth a lot of money and you feel really stupid

My mom always says she will make clothes for us, but she never does. She said that she will make my sister her grad dress. Will she? McDiablo
even if she does... your sister should just invest in one she likes so that she and your mom don't have to stop speaking for a year... maybe your mom should make sock monkey clothing... less work

My brother is only 14 years old and he's already bitter. What will he be like when he reaches "the golden years"? McDiablo
he'll be incoherent and very happy... well he won't be happy while he yells at the windows... and the snow... and the leaves on trees... but other then that... happy

If you had seizures often or would pass out a lot, would you think that standing near the deep end of a swimming pool would be a good idea? McDiablo
no i wouldn't... unless i had a death wish... but then i'd go the full way and just drive around in a car for awhile

oh where, ohh where sould DC have gone? woewes me! seriously though as i was running rampant on the fragile strands of "the net" i found that my line to your enjoyable site had been severed (could not find server). so i was without for about a week and 1/ feels good to be back.i like the nipple machine idea it will solve so much. also you promised me more jim stories long time go!i also ask if perhaps i can take creative liberty and write a jim story(s) myself and then of course submit them for your approval? one more thing, what comes to mind when i say "baby pink lesbian elephants"?back by popular dementia--db "_"
a week and a half?! we were offline for a few days!!! what were YOU doing? perhaps i will create a few more... will you make me? and you can write all the stories you want in my.theinsanedomain...

whats more real to you, the world around you or the world in which you live? reality is preception dont you think? and how do you fell about people trying to force thier reality on others? have you ever reached a point in your mind where all anything is colors sounds and darkness? i feel that before we can explore the world around us we first must explore our minds, for if we dont how will we know what we belive to be "is"? what do you think about that? row row row your boat gently down the stream merely merely merely life is but a dream row row row your boat undernieth the stream ha ha fooled you all im a submarine row row row your boat gently up the stream if you topple then youll die and life would've been a dream i hope you understand this poem now--db"_"
the world i live in... yes... i think they suck.. yes... right... i agree... screw the boat... and you can row row row while i yell at you to row faster... ROW! ROW!

So, are you being a good sock monkey and cutting back on your electricity useage? McDiablo
why yes actually.... ! i've been doing what i can at home and at work to cut back... does that mean you'll rub my head now? i like it when you do that...

You're looking hot in those new pictures, DC. Where did you get the shades? McDiablo
why thank you... and i got them from my mother... she spoils me

Why is it hot? Why did my air conditioner break? -Ferretchick
the whole 'summer' thing... and you don't need it... get a fan... ceiling fans work great

I like the sock monkey's sunglasses on the page where it says 'your message has been sent'. Are they JCP's? -Ferretchick
no they are mine! jcp has a much fatter head then i do.. they wouldn't fit her

so, i was doing the dishes and this hobo walks in and he says "wheres bob" and bobs my husband and i says "well i dunno where is bob..." and he says "well...i think i saws bob! i saws bob and he was with one of them HOOKER GIRLS!" and i says"o no, o dear goodness" and so i ran down to that corner and sure enough there was bob with his pants to his ankles getting a willyblow job from one of them HOOKER GIRLS! so what now?
it's time to rip things off so that there isn't anything for the HOOKER GIRLS to wrap their nasty little mouths around

Aug 24/03

When I make a mistake (which is often), is it best to: a) Own up and apologise. b) Own up and laugh about it. c) Run away. d) Blame someone else. e)All of the above? - Mzebonga
well it really depends on what the mistake was and the amount of people killed by your mistake... if no one got hurt then go with a or b...

Do you think I'll get in trouble for adding Metallica to the "People suck" section? In other words, would stupid people take exception? - Mzebonga
i think they'd be upset if they could understand... but it is a valid addition to the list...

so my friend and i were singing to the ice cream man. and he flipped us off. We dont know what to do with the body. Should we save it or put it in his ice cream cart? - pink epiphany
yes but make sure you fold it up nicely or it won't fit...

if my best friend slipped me some kind of truth potion and i blurted out that i am very much attracted to her, do you think the best next step would be suicide or try for some great lesbian sex?
well i'd try for option number 2 and if that doesn't work then find some other lesbian... the whole suicide thing is just being silly about the whole thing

dc have you ever killed anybody?
no i haven't... i'm not like that

if i lick my grandmas pussy will i get rabies
well if she has rabies then maybe yes... i'm not sure how rabies is transferred in humans... make sure she doesn't bit you at least... so have her pop out her teeth first

How many ways can you think of to kill somebody with a guitar besides bludgeoning them with it and garroting them with the strings? FartMonkey
a few ways but what did the guitar do to deserve it's strings to be ripped off and used in such a manner?

"Yes, McKenna," I said, "there IS a lot of cursing and a bad smell coming from the basement." Oh, but we don't have a basement...what the devil is going on here? FartMonkey
well you see... sometimes people dig deep into the ground and hide rooms filled with angry cursing men... then they put houses on top of these rooms... thus causing the problem

They're watching me, aren't they? FartMonkey
we all are actually...

If you sit on the toilet with a bunch of gallons of water and you just drink and drink until you have to pee, but you keep drinking and drinking, will you keep peeing and peeing? FartMonkey
for awhile... and then everything will go horribly wrong... you know what i mean

Will a time ever come in my life when a strange old woman appears out of a crowd and gives me a pocketwatch and says "Come back to me"? FartMonkey
yes... but you'll be too senile to understand and you'll say 'what's that deary? the train was too loud.'

Think you'll ever make a tv commercial advertising this site? Maybe in the not-too-distant future and it's like the biggest/only website there is...and you get slave minions and stuff..that'd be sweet..when can I start? FartMonkey
i'd love to make commercials for our site... they'd make people sit there confused for a few seconds going 'what the hell was THAT about?' after it was done playing... as for the slave minions... they can pick up garbage until i think of something else for them to do

Aug 27/03

is masterbation healthy?
sure... until you start leaving welts from over-use

Why do men feel the need to have sex everyday, if not have sex then masterbate? AG
have you asked ALL the men on the planet? so let's just say some men... and i don't know why the feel the need but my opinion to option 2 is listed above

ummmm... i have this weird feeling in my butt. Im not sure what to do. Is there something wrong with me? - pinkepiphany
well let's be honest... does the stuffed animal really NEED to be there ALL the time?

who invented cheerleaders?
same person that invented street luge... isn't that weird? yea i thought so too

My mother always calls me a demon seed and tells me im a bad kid. She says my daddy raped her. She used to throw me against walls. She used to make me eat nasty food that she thought tasted wonderful becuase she was high on acid. So i never go to ask her where i came from, Do you know where i came from? -pinkepiphany
you came from that pink light you always see in the sky but are too afraid to throw things at...

what is "teabagging"?
no idea but i'm sure someone will fill me in cuz you sick freaks know all that shit ... when you don't invite me that's just RUDE

did you know evian is naive spelt backwards?
there are a lot of things i know... and let's face it... that's not worth remembering

What was your first word? FartMonkey
i have NO idea... i'll have to ask.... maybe it was TAIL

What should I set fire to? FartMonkey
that pink thing over there.... that's right.... you know what i'm talking about

my mothers being a fuckhead. is there anything that can be done to relax her fuckheadedness? irish psycho
are you in canada? or amsterdam? if not... try some form of alcohol

DC rox my sox! Are you feelin the whole scene? --SillyBilly
oh billy you are so silly... makes me feel all fuzzy inside

why is my arm sticky?--Syko Morgana
lick it and find out what it is...

what sounds better right now?: Bananna split or a fat sack of chronic?--Syko morgana
i don't like bananas so i'll have to go with the non-banana answer

Why is green achors the place to be?--Syko Morgana
if someone told you that then it's a lie.. .if you found this out by means of strange drawings on bathroom ceilings then it's the truth

Why do you have a face on your arse? - Mzebonga
damnit i said i was sorry i took your hat without asking... damn you have some serious control issues ...

Sept 1/03

why do they call rednecks rednecks??
i think it has something to do with being outside and having their necks burnt but then again i could just be making up shit that sounds sort of right but really isn't right at all... that's the chance you take when asking me questions

why is sex so over rated?
it's not... it's just that there are so many people who don't know how to do it right... it should be about getting each other off... not just yourself

why is it that time seems to fly by when your're having fun?
you're distracted by other stuff so you don't notice time passing... it has something to do with that black hole out there that is sucking in time...

do women find hairy men unattractive and if so why?
some do... some don't... EVERY HUMAN IS DIFFERENT long is a piece of string,really? keli_x_james
well mine is about 6 feet long

what is a klondike? -pinkepiphany
it's someone with large boots that stomps around with an axe but doesn't chop anything and when they laugh it's really loud and no one laughs with them since the boots are covered in garbage and shit so it smells really bad

the butt wipes arent wet. What do i do!?!?!?
spit like you've never spit before

You know that song that goes like..dunna da dunna da dunna dunna doo do doo dodo-do do..dunna dunna...dunna dunna? FartMonkey
yes... what about it?

Why do I suddenly have this horrible headache? FartMonkey
it's the wig... it's too tight

So. ... oh yeah, have you ever had that dream where you are out all day and you realize to your horror that you're naked? Oh wait..maybe you do that kinda thing voluntarily..I just don't know...I had a better question, but I forgot it..dangit ..FartMonkey
no i haven't had that dream actually... i did have that dream about that duck that followed me everywhere until i had to get a stick and beat it so it stopped but then all that happened was that it's wing got kinda mangled... it kept following me around... dragging its mangled wing behind it

What should I name my guitar? Its gotta be a guy's name. But not stupid. Can you believe those tards that name their kids things like "kimberly"? I mean..what are they smoking? FartMonkey
they are smoking kimberly inducing stuff... and let's face it... we've all tried it...

i threw up yesterday and i think the dog maybe ate it. should i pump his stomach and eat it? cuz i need my protein FAT BEN
once you threw it up... it ceased being yours and became property of the dog...

i think i killed my neighbors but maybe it was a dream i'm not sure..can you ask them for me? FAT BEN
no... i don't like them... i hate them all... they throw things at me

it was just her and me sittin on the bench. nobody else was around. i was givin her a back rub and she had her eyes closed. she was so beautiful. i smelled her perfume and looked at her shiny hair. i realized i stopped the massage cuz i was looking at her and she leaned back and rested on me like a chair. before i eralized what i was doing i had my arms around her and my mouth on hers. i was horrified cuz i dream about doing that all the time but i really did and it was an accident. but she kissed me back and things led to other things and soon we were naked on the bench eating eachother out and she was moaning and screaming and humping my tongue. oh yeah my question is, whats the date today
september 1st 2003

Why is rap awful?
i'm not sure... i've heard a few rap songs i've not hated... but i'm not a fan in any sense of the word... i guess it's just one of those things that somehow ties in with the weather patterns on mars

The glass is always half empty. Why do people even bother to ask? I started with a full glass and drank half, now its half empty. They should really get that freaking idea through their head. Why do people always ask me whether the glass is half empty or half full? -Ferretchick
actually... the whole thing is a sham... it's a plastic cup... not even glass...

Do you like writing rants or stories better?
the stories... that way i don't have to have it make any sense

If i gave you a shiny nickel would you be my organ grinder monkey?
damn straight

who would have though a sock monkey in pants could be that gorgeous...arent you by any chance contemplating on wearing a tie on your next photos? leigh
nah... i'm not a 'tie' kinda monkey... you have my permission to print out the color photos and put them on your wall... and if you join my.theinsanedomain... maybe i'll even reply to your posts and send you an autograph

who's behind the "The Secret Of The Lap Dancing Monkey'? Cool...leigh
jcp and myself... mostly jcp...

are you a cop?
hell no or i'd be pulling people over for being dumbasses

why are heavy metal listeners all pathetic white losers with no sence of rythm? How can you base an entire genre of music on one emotion, anger? Why does metal suck?
they aren't... and if you ever actually heard some of the lyrics you'd know better.. it's all a matter of taste... and i like metal so you can suck on my ass...

What do you think of these "Flash Mobs"? Do you think they might have a sinister agenda behind it? Like it might be a mind control program?
nah i think it's great... a little creative chaos is good

What's wrong with my hat? Do you think I should get a purple velvet one? I think there's one worn by Peter Gabriel in the video for "Steam" with a matching purple suit. - Mzebonga
i think it ROCKS... and get the velvet hat... and the suit...

dc!! there is a pig shitting in my house and its eating my furniture and personal items like glue and my legs wot do i do please help guy
i say you plead with it and if that fails... lead it away with crackers

Remember that good question you answered a long time ago about melting an igloo and the eskimo comes out, and you said how to kill him etc. and the result is the best meat you've ever tasted? I thought you didn't eat meat? Or is this simply the opinion of someone else who you outright plaigerized? do you spell that? Whatever.. FartMonkey
i'd eat human meat... other then that i'm a vegetarian... are you accusing me of STEALING other peoples content? i'm offended... i don't know if i want to answer any more questions from you...

ffffffffffffffffddddddddddddddffffffffffffffffffvef that was my new kitten walking over my keyboard, don't u think thats cute?
uh... sure

How the hell did I end up here? And, as long as I am seem cool, wanna help me get a life? - Naked Fairy
sure... we sell them for $10...

I took Emerald along on yet another camping trip. She lounged around a lot. I was just wondering if this is a common trait in sock monkeys--to sit around and do absolutely nothing? McDiablo
of course! that's why we're so great... no pressure to do anything! how nice of you to take her so many places

My mom is convinced that this guy I talk to on MSN is Prince William because a) he lives in England and b) has no job. I think she is wrong. What do you think? McDiablo
wait a minute... then mzebonga could be prince william... ! it's true isn't it! that explains it ALL... oh no wait... no it doesn't... your mom must be mad...

Miss Roger's Sweater has moved to a nearby city, but it sucks 'cuz she has lived up the road from me for as long as I can remember. How long will it be until I break down and start stalking her? McDiablo
let's face it... you already have before i even answered this... maybe you should just get an RV and park outside her place...

When people describe something hilarious that happened, and they say it was "funny as hell", is that even an acceptable measurement system? I mean, how funny IS hell? FartMonkey
how do i know you didn't steal this question from someone else?

Did you ever get so fed up with stupid people and their stupid questions that you asked yourself a question and gave it a good question award? Is that where that eskimo thing came from? Oh, I'm onto you now! FartMonkey
yes i do get fed up with some people... you're lucky i don't delete the rest of your questions... luckily for you i'm too tired to get really cranky about it...

who WOULDNT want this body? - Nikon
that crazy lady with the broken umbrellas

ive noticed thaet u ask questions in alot of your responses. and since we haev to talk in questions only, does thaet maen thaet all of ur questions aer rhetorical? how aer we supposed to answer them? no dont be a SAnimal and respond with a question. maybe think up sumthin unique?
your spelling bothers me... and there is nothing saying that i can't answer questions... and no guarantee that you'll get any sort of coherent response when asking a question... so beyond that, i hope they all fall in the water bleeding

Why does FrontPage hate me so much? FartMonkey
it's microsoft

What causes headaches? Is there a measurement system for how bad your headache is? FartMonkey
yes but i'm not telling you

Did your mom make those pants too? FartMonkey
no she didn't actually... but she did find them and buy them for me...

What's your favorite sandwich? FartMonkey
um... i don't know.. i'm not really a sandwich sort of monkey...

Are you a vegetarian because you think the taste of meat is gross? I just can't see you as one of those "save the cows" people..FartMonkey
no i'm not one of those people... and i'm not one of those people either....

In arguments when people tell me that I suck, like this is supposed to be some big argumentive point, I just agree that, yes, I do suck, because I do. Then they have nothing else to say. Is this a good time to scream and throw watermelon seeds at them, and make my escape? FartMonkey
yes it's the perfect time to do such a thing... in fact it's the reason that watermelons have seeds

I know the new questionnaire and what ifs are up. It's so tempting. Should I send them in now? I hate to waste them on the first day they're up because then I have a whole month to wait until the results. What should I do? FartMonkey
sure send them in now... and answer them at the end of the month too

When you're answering the questions, and you haven't answered them for an extra day or so and there's a whole lot of them, do you ever just get fed up and do some and delete the rest? FartMonkey
no i'd leave them unanswered until the next time i updated

If I met you on the street and introduced myself as FartMonkey, would you suspect I was an elaborate robot built by the government and try to kill me or run away, or would you shake my hand politely? Or fling feces at me? FartMonkey
yes... yes i would... and then i'd hang onto your leg for awhile until i decided not to and then the park would be fun because there are swings there... swings are fun

Sept 4/03

Is a canadian weekend longer than a normal weekend? The weekend ends on sunday! today is tuesday! where are my fucking answers!! I want answers!!!!!
shut up...

why are the new questionaires up but last month's responses are nowhere to be found? Is this part of your plan to drive us insane because its fucking working!!!!
how about this... you PAY me and i'll do them right away each month... until then you'll have to wait a few days so stop your whining you ungrateful brat

So..... How was your holiday? -DZ
it was quite good actually... went camping with friends and had fun

Hey guys, thanks so much for your hard work you have put into this site! Now, can I destroy the world?
you are quite welcome... and yes

Do sock monkeys get 'boners' too? If so, HOW? - Evil Bob
yes... same way you do... well ok maybe not how YOU do... you're into some sick shit... but besides that... it's pretty much the same sort of thing

Donkeys vs. Chipmunks in a fight! Who would win and why?
donkeys... well maybe the chipmunks... no wait... i forgot about the donkeys secret weapon... donkeys would win

Why can I not log into the Creative Writing website? This has never happened to me and it's making me become increasingly violent. McDiablo
can i watch you get violent? send me your username and password... i'll see if i can get on from here

Do you make up words and, if so, how do you go about creating them? McDiablo
yes i do and i just make noises that sound good together... or letters that look like they belong together... like kranbur... sarlina... berwor

Is my cat secretly glad that everyone is going back to school and work? McDiablo
very much so...

dc, the results, u said will posted long is the word 'short' to you? its been there for like three days!...:) leigh

since when is 'the end is near' there at the bottom of ur main menu? sorry but i never noticed it before...have i known i would have...never mind...i'll let you guys in a big secret though...whoever is whispering to you have whispered to so many people before you or even before your parents and they failed...are you really that susceptible? :) leigh
finally someone speaks up... now i can remove it... sometimes we put things on that page to see if you people are paying attention... it's been there for awhile...

damnit i told you the answer yesterday... and the day before... and the day before that... damn sharks...

if u don't believe in god and instead worship satan, when someone sneezes can u say to them "satan bless you!"??? irish psycho
well i guess you could... but why should anyone say anything?

is warren zevon dead yet? it'd be sad if he is dead...hes cool.......... irish psycho
who? what?

so, i was walking down the street when i came upon a piece of pizza. it looked very sad and lonely sitting there all i ate i am having massive digestive problems.....WHAT THE BLOODYFUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? all i was doing was trying to help a slice of pizza in need....what the bloodyfuck did i do to deserve this? irish psycho
i think the world is trying to fuck with your head... and your body... and not in fun ways... so it's time to start chopping off limbs...

do u ever watch the simpsons? irish psycho
YES... how can anyone NOT watch them?

i just went to a youth program focusing on GOD GOD and more GOD.........the whole thing screamed CONVERSION.....what type of punishment do these people deserve? would u like to execute that punishment with me? irish psycho
the punishment requires careful planning... of course i'll help you

If I wrote in just to tell you that I appreciate you doing a nice job of getting the monthly results up quickly, which is true, would you think I was just sucking up? FartMonkey
well i'd say thanks... and maybe invite you over for some hot tub fun... you can suck up in there some more

Those things on the sticks are nasty and hurt my teeth. She bought a whole box of them. Was it just to spite me? FartMonkey
of course it is... that and the other thing you don't know about yet...

I'm such a tard! I wrote the next chapter of my story over the old one and failed to save it under a different title. Can I bribe frontpage to give it back to me or do I have it? I hate thinking...FartMonkey
i HATE when that shit happens... perhaps it's in a temp file? but i think you're screwed if you didn't have a copy elsewhere of the chapter you overwrote... sigh... i wonder how much really important/good stuff has been lost that way...

when is thursday in canada because it thursday tonight in australia and im stll waiting to see my freakin questionaire results!
you are 12 hours ahead of us... so unless you'd like to fly me over there so i'm on your time... SHUT UP

How are you? Evil Bob
feeling better now that i see i'm almost done here

How big is 'IT'?
a lot of pages... the paperback version is pretty big indeed

Has it ever happened that when you sit on the toilet and shit, the water splashes up on your ass? The Dude
yes it has and i dislike it very much

now its friday in australia, whats the deal?

Where is this plane they speak of in spain? And why does the rain there stay mainly in it? Is there a plane flying around spain and it's constantly raining inside? FartMonkey
it's all lies... LIES... just like santa being a lie... that's right... a LIE... they LIED to you!

Who wrote leaving the coffee shop? FartMonkey
i did

What's my topic gonna be for my english paper? FartMonkey
7 wonders of the ancient world... send me a copy when you're done

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