And what if I'm just
too darn lazy to press the little button?
well then the world will come to an end and ... oh wait... that's
something else... never mind
dc, with all the
surgerey that goes on, couldn't you just have a dick sewn onto
u? irish psycho
i could but then how would my tail feel? well i guess they'd feel
the same... hmmm... it'd be like having two tails...
Long time no see,
what have you been up to? Do you miss me? I've not been up to
much, I did go a holiday that was fun,but it was over way to quickly.Sally
i had indeed wondered where you had gone... a holiday? where did
you go? does that mean it's my turn for a holiday?
Tell Jcp I like her
nothing really diary. She rocks. Since I haven't been here in
months I had a fair bit to catch up on. Why don't you have a diary?
well i figure that i share enough with you all during these questions...
and i've passed on your words to jcp...
hey dc i have returned
from the great beyond.. have i missed anything important? - Miss
isn't it nice to have everyone come back... sure, i was left here
alone but you brought me something... right? right?
my work is suppose
to go on strike tomorrow, but i just heard on the news that they're
negoitating more.. should i just go to work tomorrow and sleep?
- Miss Roger's Sweater
well yea go there and see what's up... grab a microphone and host
your own tv show... that would be even better and then you'd have
your own 'Miss Roger's Sweater - News You Can Eat To' show and
everyone will let you do whatever you want...
McDiablo comes home
tomorrow! should i throw her a huge surprise party? or just taker
her for a slurpee... - Miss Roger's Sweater
i say throw a huge slurpee on her! that is the best of both worlds...
who knew webcams
could be so much fun? - Miss Roger's Sweater
well some of us knew... and when will we be able to view this
webcam of yours? i heard you do a great puppet show...
why do all tv shows
on sunday suck? - Miss Roger's Sweater
they suck every other day of the week too... but yes sunday is
the worst... that's when they are trying to make you feel beaten
down again for monday when you go back to school or work
Did you know that
they separated us at birth because I kept trying to kill you?
Anyhow, what were a Sock Monkey and a BogGoblin doing being born
in the same place anyway? - Mzebonga
i always wondered why that birthmark looked like a bite mark...
and i thought you were told about mom... and that's why you have
those webbed feet of yours
Small children came,
They came and beated me! Curse them! *points to kids wielding
pinata stick* Why are they so twisted that they feel they have
to bludgeon me with a stick in order to reap the rewards of my
delicious guts??? WHY? -Ferretchick
children are assholes... what you need to do is get an army and
bash the kids open to eat THEIR delicious guts
What if you could
only say two words to get the cats from ripping you to pieces?
What two words would you say?
i'd say 'i've got catnip' but due to only being able to say two
words... i'd be dead before the catnip part
Now, I know you're
a very busy monkey, but if you were paid large sums of money would
you whore yourself out to wealthy old men with withered dicks
and make their wildest fantasies (such as dipping you in that
green nursing home jello) come true? -ferretchick
change the jello to orange and my answer is yes... tell your grandpa
i'll be over later
Get them off me!
Get them off! AHHH! What do you think is eating me alive? -ferretchick
fire ants... they're like that
Why are you and everyone
else on this message board thing so fucked up? And is goober Michael
not fucked up... insane... you know... the whole 'theINSANEdomain'
thing? maybe you missed it on your way in... and you just wanted
to say goober... that is kind of fun... goooooober....
dc, have i called
you a devil spawn? leigh
not lately but don't think i've missed the hate letters you've
been sending me calling me every other nasty thing you can think
why did the broken
elephant take my shoe from the naked hobo on the corner of my
broken elephants can do whatever they want... poor elephants...
do you know the shit they have to put up with? they deserve all
the shoes they want...
I took Emerald camping
with my family for ten days. She enjoyed herself. Have you ever
been camping? McDiablo
yes i've been camping a number of times... it's something that
most sock monkeys love... i'm glad to hear you took emerald...
hopefully she didn't cause too much trouble... she gets a bit
The pictures of the
new sock monkeys are great. I'm curious to know where Casey purchased
that straw hat...? McDiablo
i'm not sure exactly... i'll ask her next time i see her...
Why do birds choose
to be annoying in the wee hours of the day? McDiablo
if i knew i would be out stopping them... damned birds... they
fly by my window screaching and cawing every damned morning that
i try to sleep in... they wake me up before my alarm during the
week... they follow me around and squawk into my office window...
is there a way to
stop the madness?hes a freak and hes bugging my damn kids!tell
michael jackson to get out of my life,how do i do it?jim bibble
ask him NICELY... damnit no one ever thinks to just be polite
to the guy anymore...
Why does the cutlery
hate me?? It seems to have such a bitter grudge against me, I
can't figure out why. Sure I eat with it, but now is the time
to bring unity between my spoon. Why doesn't this little bitch
just become one with me already?? -Ferretchick
it's years of shoveling the food into your mouth and in thanks
you give it some lemon scented soap that it hates... buy something
new... maybe then you can repair the damage between you...
I lost my pants,
i think my grandma has been wearing them around the house but
there is a massive gravy stain on her forearm......how should
i wash her?
use the hose... and a long nozzle... but not that long you sick
in all the porn i
see the guys have scary curving dicks, my doesn't do that, its
a long straight penis..is there something wrong with me?
well besides your insane need to star in porn.. no... but to be
sure... photograph it and send it to all your friends
so, gimme a dollar
amount here... how much to just straight fuck you? can i let my
friends watch? what if i threw in some kinky?
$5 million... yes but that's free... and ok but i'm not wearing
fancy shoes or wearing a gag
what the fuck is
wrong with earwigs?! you sick bastard... i thought you were better
than that. way to descriminate cuz they don't have a skeletal
system. fucking bigot. - EmprissNikon
just because you have some sort of sick relationship with them
doesn't mean i have to... i told you before that i wasn't into
those kinda games and you threw me out...
see....what is the weirdest place you've ever had hot monkey sex?
well that one hotel room was weird as hell...
there were exposed wires everywhere... all the walls were a strange
shade of pink... the floor was pink straw... the beds weren't beds
at all... just cardboard replicas... which made it hard to do a
few things as they collapsed when you sat on them... for some reason
the dresser was real... there were no drawers in it... the ceiling
was covered with pages from the bible... the tap in the bathroom
was running, yet when someone went to turn it off, it wouldn't be
running anymore... outside there was a festival going on, and ringing
and other noises from it were easily heard through the walls...
the lights from the games out the front of the hotel flashed all
night long... since there were no windows it was sometimes confusing...
though in a way it made everything that much weird but fun at the
same time... basically i woke up the next day covered in body paint
and paralyzed for about an hour... couldn't speak for a week...
Hey, DC, how long
till the apocolypse?
you missed it... it happened already... sorry you didn't see it..
what if you
run out of clean clothes except for 3 pants, one is polka dot(black
n yellow), then stripes(green n orange), checkered (pink and black),
would you wear any of 'em? leigh
sure i would... well not the pink one though... i don't like the
I went on holiday
to Bankok and Phuket in Thailand, I think it definetly could be
your turn for a holiday ,where will you go? Sally
nowhere as fun as that... i'm hoping to get to ottawa in the next
month or so.... even if it's just for a short visit...
Do you or any other
members of TID have psychic powers? FartMonkey
why yes... but i'm not going to tell you about them... we don't
want you emailing us a million times asking us what your 'numbers'
What if WE asked
YOU the What Ifs ? FartMonkey Oh wait..we kinda do already...well
answer it anyway
well i'd explode... and who says that we don't make up names and
Why won't the fork
keep working? It worked with me just a little bit, then it stopped.
Why won't it keep working? I've asked it nicely and screamed at
it! They're all gonna think I'm lying! FartMonkey
the best solution is to bury it and deny all existance of it...
there is NO other way out...
What, if any, do
you think the message is that's trying to be conveyed to me when
coins start pushing out through the glass of my change jar and
flying at me at extremely dangerous speeds, aiming for my eyes
and jugular? FartMonkey
i would say it's time to roll the little jerks up and cash them
in for some agreeable bills... as clearly the message they wish
to inflict upon you is one of death and ill-will
Ok, now I want to
know WHY in a deck of cards do you have to call the one suit "clubs"
instead of "clovers"? Who would ever think to call them
clubs? They're little pictures of clovers! You can't bludgeon
somebody with them, so they're not clubs! What next, will they
make us call the hearts "candles" or something dumb
like that? Well I've got news for you! I'm no sheep! I'm calling
them clovers! Who's with me? FartMonkey
well it's kind of like the original star trek in that it may have
seemed like a good idea at the time but now that you look back
and see the bad outifts, horrible 'effects' and the bad acting
it's more just something we've learnt to live with... but i'll
protest with you... CLOVERS
The other day i was
hoseing off my little brother in the street when i noticed and
old man with his ass pressed firmly against my windows writing
his name in shit, naturally i chased after him with the nearest
fan belt and paddled down to the hardware store where he was slaping
badgers with knee socks. When i returned home i tried to wash
off his name but it wouldnt come off, how do i wash away "Umberto"
written in shit on my window?!? -Racoon Man
you use your ass... how do you know for SURE that he was writing
it and not trying to help you out by removing it with his ass?
did you make SURE? did you? did you even ask?
i've been housesitting
for my friend and have to go home tomorrow.. what if i refuse
to go home? - Miss Roger's Sweater
you might have to pay rent then... is it worth it?
my work still hasn't
figured out if we're on strike yet.. can i kick someone? - Miss
yes... kick them ALL... that will show the jerks
can i sell you my
soul, so i can get a few thousand bucks to pay for school? - Miss
if i had a few extra thousand then yes... but then where is MY
thousands so i can go to school?
holy shit, it's august!
when did that happen? - Miss Roger's Sweater
it distracted me there too for awhile...
When are you guys
are going to answer the questionaire and what ifs? Or should I
do a forced marriage between JCP and a fat, ugly arab?
well they ARE up... does anyone ever write in and say 'damn, you
people work really hard on this site and i just thought i'd tell
you we appreciate it...' ... no they don't... just whining and
Why do some people
out there feel the need to treat others like complete, utter shit?
i'm not sure... i think it has to do with the 'being human' part
What is Miss Roger's
Sweater going to do with 11 books that she needs for one class?
Quite frankly, I'm scared to find out, but I feel I must know.
well the school has run low on funds for chairs.. so they are
selling books that students pile up and use as chairs...
no, dear, i threw
you out cuz you ate crackers in bed. i asked you REPEATEDLY to
eat your crackers in the living room or kitchen, but you insisted
on eating them in my sheets. now, seriously, was it so hard to
just stop? - Nikon
how can you be like that with CRACKERS? it's what brought us together
and now you banish them from the bed? and what the hell does all
that have to do with people in shampoo commercials... why is it
always girls? don't guys wash their hair anymore?... can i come
back to bed now?
Will I get lead poisoning
if I chew on pencils? McDiablo
not if you chew on the end with the eraser... or candy that just
looks like a pencil... DON'T DIE WHAT WOULD THE SLURPEES AND EMERALD
DO WITHOUT YOU?!!!
was there ever a
clock that doesnt tick? leigh
well most of the digital clocks don't tick...
why do boys seem
to have a life's goal of seeing how many girls they can make cry?
they don't... some do... but not all... just like how it's some
girls life goal to make guys life miserable... let's face it...
most humans do things just to piss off others and make their lives
What can I do to
keep this mighty evil old man that tries to steal my grilled cheese
out of my dreams? Please help me. -JimBoBob
it's time to TAKE CONTROL... learn how to lucid dream and you'll
When was your last
tetanus shot? FartMonkey
i've never had one? oh oh... now you know
What's the most irritating
product jingle you can think of right now? Where do they get people
willing to sing those idiot jingles? They don't even have tunes
anymore...its just a bunch of words thrown together..FartMonkey
there are so many it's hard to narrow it down... let's just put
all coors commercials in that category of sucking ass... although
teeth whiting commercials are bad...
As if this hasn't
been asked 2400 times, what does JCP stand for? FartMonkey
well maybe not that many times... but it stands for her initials...
her first name is jennifer... now go point and laugh at her...
Does JCP give you
regular beatings? Like on the hour, or every day, or just whenever
you seem to need one? Does she use a whip or a lead pipe or what?
yes she does actually... but doesn't schedule them rigidly so
that it doesn't lose the element of surprise or fear... she's
used a whip a few times... but sticks mostly to rulers, belts,
coffee cups and burning me with lighters... don't tell her i told
you though... i need to go out tomorrow and don't want to have
to explain bruises away AGAIN...
If I bury my best
friends demon dog under an orange tree will the magical citris
make chocolate oranges appear???
you know, i too thought this until i did such a thing and let
me tell you... it's not all like what people say... i mean yea
they're chocolate oranges but... i mean... ok.. so they're chocolate
oranges... now what? what do you do with them? they're everywhere...
you dream about them... you stumble over them... everywhere...
and does anyone want them? no not really... the best you can hope
for is that you can get stupid people to buy them as 'stocking
stuffers' at xmas... so just think about what you're doing before
you do this... is it worth it?
How do you explain
the dancing cows on the side of the street? they keep sayin chikin
to....but i like sock monkeys....what do i do? -SAMDUDE
refuse and throw gummie bears at them...
that will show them that YOU are the boss of YOU... who's the
boss of samdude? SAMDUDE...
now go show them...
is bad breath dangerous
to health...i've been exposed to it since the arrival of my new
colleague...i havent done any moves about telling the guy of his
bad breath...am i putting the whole office in danger? should i
wait for the flies to take over the office before i tell the guy
of his bad breath...leigh
carry around mints and offer them to everyone... maybe they will
take one... or just leave a package of mints on their chair and
hope they get the hint... if that doesn't work then begin a war
of the bad breath...
why is zoltron looks
more like an alien than a robot? leigh
because he IS an alien and NOT a robot
What's with that
freaky lookin doll thing on the main page? Is it holding its stomach,
about to puke? Is that like a cabbage patch kid? I HATE those
it's the head of a cabbage patch kid... and the body of the kid....
sometimes we put strange (and/or
hidden) things on the main page to see if anyone notices...
In recent years a
favorite sport of mine is to torture and dismember those little
cheap barbies you get in kids meals from McDonalds. I've ripped
out all their hair, painted them,split them in pieces, done leg
and arm switches, stretched, run over, dragged, and even burned
one, but the ranger came and yelled at us...what do you think
of this practice? FartMonkey
i think you should photograph your 'sport' and send the photos
to us so we can be happy...
Have I always been
bitter or am I noticing this more now since I have become "old"?
well now that you're getting older... you can explore to a deeper
sort of bitter compared to when you were a kid... it's great really...
music will become better in some cases... you should be proud
of your maturing bitterness...
What was the last
thing you purchased and was it worth the money you paid? McDiablo
um... <attempts to put some thought into this> well besides
food... i bought shampoo... it was worth the money in the sense
that it got my hair clean without making it smell like flowers
or something dumb...
My cat will be turning
one year old in six days. What should we buy for her birthday
catnip toys... some tuna... maybe a special spot in the sun...
Why do so many Blondes
dye their roots black? Krokus
they're actually not blondes if you can believe it... the dark
roots let you know that they're LIARS
Damn, you people
work hard on your site and I really appreciate it. But I work
harder on mine. Mostly because I don't have a job. Are you gonna
help out again any time soon? - Mzebonga
why thank you, and you can't prove that... besides... it's the
summer and you can't MAKE me do anything
could you sympathize
with my pain, im making kraft diner..(kinda its a differnt brand),well
i put water in the saucer and brought it to a boil, when it starts
to boil you put the noodles in so i opened the box and poured
it in along with the package of cheese!! now the thing is soak
and all the cheese is stuck to the packet argh...3rd time happing
to me litterly...can you relate?-SissO
i'm glad to hear it's NOT kraft... and to be honest... i've never
done that before... but i can sympathize with other pain that
i would imagine is similar... i say coffee is needed
Do you know what
"ay yo up" means? McDiablo
no i don't... and i don't really want to know... that sort of
thing might bring down my IQ
My mom has finished
reading the new Harry Potter book. Will her life go on more smoothly
it might... then again.. she might go crazy and decide to find
herself a magic wand and she'll disappear for weeks...
When you're home
alone, do you often find that that's when your house creaks the
i don't mind the creaking... in fact... it's better then those
noisy people stomping around that normally drowns out the creaking..
What sort of psychic
powers do you and the other members of TID have? -Ferretchick
well i can read some peoples minds and jcp can force others to
do her evil bidding through mind control
Tomorrow is school,
a bizarre sort of imprisonment forcing me to suffer through all
that is dumb and obsolete in the real world (except art). Any
ideas of fun things that I can do to tear myself away from the
everyday monotony that my parents put me through? -Ferretchick
bring a sketchbook (or blank pages) and draw on them as the teacher
is blah blah blahing... just make sure you're listening so they
can't do the 'you're not paying attention' thing...
when will you learn?
it's never going to work between us... you're a sock monkey...
i'm a person. sometimes inter-species dating just won't work.
we're too different... and the cotton tail thing isnt working
for me. i'm sorry. maybe in another life. - Nikon
damnit there is WIRE in there... wire NEVER goes limp... i don't
even have to be AWAKE... but fine... be that way... you'll come
back... they always do... and you're just trying to save face
after flirting with everyone on the my.tid forums... don't deny
it... some of us know the TRUTH
Hi! my computer was
going scewy for awhile there, have you missed me? Ohhhh guess
what? My birthday was Friday! Do i get a present??--monkeeskittles
i was wondering why you had disappeared off the forums in my.tid...
and here's your present...
I like my present
it was the best one i got! Do you have any ideas? any at all?-monkeeskittles
i have lots of ideas all the time and once i put them in a sack
and threw them over the rainbow twice but it kept coming back
so then i had to kick it and i did but it hurt my foot so i stopped
How should I seek
revenge on my english teacher? FartMonkey
learn another language even BETTER then you know english... that
will show your teacher
Do you think they're
ever going to forget that I thought monkeeskittles was a man?
well not for awhile.. i mean... it's hard to tell until you grab
a handful sometimes... but i'm sure she'll hold that against you
until you beg for mercy on the forums
How will I react
when I get my next bank statement in the mail (seeing I've paid
for my courses and books)? McDiablo
well i'd suggest you sit on something absorbant... for when you
piss yourself... and have someone near you to hold you while you
Is it healthy to
be addicted to Playstation? McDiablo
if the game is grand theft auto or any other equally enjoyable
game... then not at all
Will feeding my neighbour's
dog biscuits make her stop barking at us? McDiablo
you can try but i can't promise anything...
Was it just my computer?
i thought so too at first but then i realized that all the power
had gone out in the city
Why did the power
go out? I think it was the governmet and they wanted to shut down
your site. WE MUST KILL THEM!
i know! what were they thinking?! i mean i know they hate us but
to take out millions of people's power just to get back at us?
well let me tell you... it didn't work! we hung out and had fun
and now we're back online... so toooooo bad for you government...
you can't win
How the heck did
we run out of gas? I went to the gas station and they said they
had none. I got the same results from all the gas stations within
a six mile radius of the one that did have gas. Why the fuck don't
they get the city more gas? -Ferretchick
they were just lying to you... they didn't want to sell you gas...
they wanted you to drive around and get confused so they could
laugh at you... go show them... go show them ALL
What do people mean
by "there is nothing to fear but fear itself"? I think
its a completely inane statement that has taken all the fun out
of my life.
i think maybe you have taken it too far... i mean... there are
other things to fear... the constant threat of humans and aliens
is quite a valid fear... in order to bring back fun... i say you
get some fish
So when they say
"tu eres la piche marreno!" very loud, its a bad thing?
i don't know... what does it mean?
Our dress code sucks.
If a millimeter of stomach shows when our shirt hikes up after
we put on our backpacks we're sent to the office. Its 110+ degrees
outside, they should get the fuck off our backs about it. Any
suggestions for revenge while i wait for the preppy-suv-driving-rich-moms
to die? (They run the system, apparently they're oblivious to
the fact that their kids are already unstoppable whores whether
or not they show a millimeter of stomach)
well it does suck that you can't wear clothes that aren't so heat-retaining...
there should be a light tshirt that you can wear that's uniform...
sign petitions or something...
Teacher, can I have
some more paste? Mine's all gone..... -Ferretchick
ok but use a spoon next time... you made a huge mess
DC, how do i get
confused with a man? will you please give Mzebonga a message?
tell him i forgive him and it was kinda funny and all i need is
some popcorn and all is forgiven. Do you think I should as for
something else? Hey, maybe me, you and Mzebonga could start a
riot or something against something dumb, could be fun?--monkeeskittles
i'm not sure how he thought you were a man... maybe he just assumes
that everyone is a man until he's slapped... i'll relay your message...
well ok i won't but he'll read it here... and i'm always up for
a good riot... make sure we ask everyone on my.theinsanedomain
to join in
oooowwwww my tongue
hurts, did you have something to do with this DC or is it because
of that damned piece of metal that was shoved through there Sunday?
I think you had something to do with it and if i find out you
did *shakes fist at you*-monkeeskittles
i think it's the metal thing... no beatings for me today...
Should I forgive
them or be angry for the next 40 years? - Mzebonga
be angry for 20 and forgive them for 20... that way they can't
accuse you of being one of those people that never let's anything
go but the minute you do then suddenly it's worth a lot of money
and you feel really stupid
My mom always says
she will make clothes for us, but she never does. She said that
she will make my sister her grad dress. Will she? McDiablo
even if she does... your sister should just invest in one she
likes so that she and your mom don't have to stop speaking for
a year... maybe your mom should make sock monkey clothing... less
My brother is only
14 years old and he's already bitter. What will he be like when
he reaches "the golden years"? McDiablo
he'll be incoherent and very happy... well he won't be happy while
he yells at the windows... and the snow... and the leaves on trees...
but other then that... happy
If you had seizures
often or would pass out a lot, would you think that standing near
the deep end of a swimming pool would be a good idea? McDiablo
no i wouldn't... unless i had a death wish... but then i'd go
the full way and just drive around in a car for awhile
oh where, ohh where sould DC have
gone? woewes me! seriously though as i was running rampant on
the fragile strands of "the net"
i found that my line to your enjoyable site had been severed (could
not find server). so i was without for about a week and 1/2.it
feels good to be back.i like the nipple machine idea it will solve
so much. also you promised me more jim stories long time go!i
also ask if perhaps i can take creative liberty and write a jim
story(s) myself and then of course submit them for your approval?
one more thing, what comes to mind when i say "baby pink
lesbian elephants"?back by popular dementia--db "_"
a week and a half?! we were offline for a few days!!! what were
YOU doing? perhaps i will create a few more... will you make me?
and you can write all the stories you want in my.theinsanedomain...
whats more real to
you, the world around you or the world in which you live? reality
is preception dont you think? and how do you fell about people
trying to force thier reality on others? have you ever reached
a point in your mind where all anything is colors sounds and darkness?
i feel that before we can explore the world around us we first
must explore our minds, for if we dont how will we know what we
belive to be "is"? what do you think about that? row
row row your boat gently down the stream merely merely merely
life is but a dream row row row your boat undernieth the stream
ha ha fooled you all im a submarine row row row your boat gently
up the stream if you topple then youll die and life would've been
a dream i hope you understand this poem now--db"_"
the world i live in... yes... i think they suck.. yes... right...
i agree... screw the boat... and you can row row row while i yell
at you to row faster... ROW! ROW!
So, are you being
a good sock monkey and cutting back on your electricity useage?
why yes actually.... ! i've been doing what i can at home and
at work to cut back... does that mean you'll rub my head now?
i like it when you do that...
You're looking hot
in those new pictures, DC. Where did you get the shades? McDiablo
why thank you... and i got them from my mother... she spoils me
Why is it hot? Why
did my air conditioner break? -Ferretchick
the whole 'summer' thing... and you don't need it... get a fan...
ceiling fans work great
I like the sock monkey's
sunglasses on the page where it says 'your message has been sent'.
Are they JCP's? -Ferretchick
no they are mine! jcp has a much fatter head then i do.. they
wouldn't fit her
so, i was doing the
dishes and this hobo walks in and he says "wheres bob"
and bobs my husband and i says "well i dunno where is bob..."
and he says "well...i think i saws bob! i saws bob and he
was with one of them HOOKER GIRLS!" and i says"o no,
o dear goodness" and so i ran down to that corner and sure
enough there was bob with his pants to his ankles getting a willyblow
job from one of them HOOKER GIRLS! so what now?
it's time to rip things off so that there isn't anything for the
HOOKER GIRLS to wrap their nasty little mouths around
When I make a mistake
(which is often), is it best to: a) Own up and apologise. b) Own
up and laugh about it. c) Run away. d) Blame someone else. e)All
of the above? - Mzebonga
well it really depends on what the mistake was and the amount
of people killed by your mistake... if no one got hurt then go
with a or b...
Do you think I'll
get in trouble for adding Metallica to the "People suck"
section? In other words, would stupid people take exception? -
i think they'd be upset if they could understand... but it is
a valid addition to the list...
so my friend and
i were singing to the ice cream man. and he flipped us off. We
dont know what to do with the body. Should we save it or put it
in his ice cream cart? - pink epiphany
yes but make sure you fold it up nicely or it won't fit...
if my best friend
slipped me some kind of truth potion and i blurted out that i
am very much attracted to her, do you think the best next step
would be suicide or try for some great lesbian sex?
well i'd try for option number 2 and if that doesn't work then
find some other lesbian... the whole suicide thing is just being
silly about the whole thing
dc have you ever
no i haven't... i'm not like that
if i lick my grandmas
pussy will i get rabies
well if she has rabies then maybe yes... i'm not sure how rabies
is transferred in humans... make sure she doesn't bit you at least...
so have her pop out her teeth first
How many ways can
you think of to kill somebody with a guitar besides bludgeoning
them with it and garroting them with the strings? FartMonkey
a few ways but what did the guitar do to deserve it's strings
to be ripped off and used in such a manner?
I said, "there IS a lot of cursing and a bad smell coming
from the basement." Oh, but we don't have a basement...what
the devil is going on here? FartMonkey
well you see... sometimes people dig deep into the ground and
hide rooms filled with angry cursing men... then they put houses
on top of these rooms... thus causing the problem
me, aren't they? FartMonkey
we all are actually...
If you sit on the
toilet with a bunch of gallons of water and you just drink and
drink until you have to pee, but you keep drinking and drinking,
will you keep peeing and peeing? FartMonkey
for awhile... and then everything will go horribly wrong... you
know what i mean
Will a time ever
come in my life when a strange old woman appears out of a crowd
and gives me a pocketwatch and says "Come back to me"?
yes... but you'll be too senile to understand and you'll say 'what's
that deary? the train was too loud.'
Think you'll ever
make a tv commercial advertising this site? Maybe in the not-too-distant
future and it's like the biggest/only website there is...and you
get slave minions and stuff..that'd be sweet..when can I start?
i'd love to make commercials for our site... they'd make people
sit there confused for a few seconds going 'what the hell was
THAT about?' after it was done playing... as for the slave minions...
they can pick up garbage until i think of something else for them
is masterbation healthy?
sure... until you start leaving welts from over-use
Why do men feel the
need to have sex everyday, if not have sex then masterbate? AG
have you asked ALL the men on the planet? so let's just say some
men... and i don't know why the feel the need but my opinion to
option 2 is listed above
ummmm... i have this
weird feeling in my butt. Im not sure what to do. Is there something
wrong with me? - pinkepiphany
well let's be honest... does the stuffed animal really NEED to
be there ALL the time?
who invented cheerleaders?
same person that invented street luge... isn't that weird? yea
i thought so too
My mother always
calls me a demon seed and tells me im a bad kid. She says my daddy
raped her. She used to throw me against walls. She used to make
me eat nasty food that she thought tasted wonderful becuase she
was high on acid. So i never go to ask her where i came from,
Do you know where i came from? -pinkepiphany
you came from that pink light you always see in the sky but are
too afraid to throw things at...
what is "teabagging"?
no idea but i'm sure someone will fill me in cuz you sick freaks
know all that shit ... when you don't invite me that's just RUDE
did you know evian
is naive spelt backwards?
there are a lot of things i know... and let's face it... that's
not worth remembering
What was your first
i have NO idea... i'll have to ask.... maybe it was TAIL
What should I set
fire to? FartMonkey
that pink thing over there.... that's right.... you know what
i'm talking about
my mothers being
a fuckhead. is there anything that can be done to relax her fuckheadedness?
are you in canada? or amsterdam? if not... try some form of alcohol
DC rox my sox! Are
you feelin the whole scene? --SillyBilly
oh billy you are so silly... makes me feel all fuzzy inside
why is my arm sticky?--Syko
lick it and find out what it is...
what sounds better
right now?: Bananna split or a fat sack of chronic?--Syko morgana
i don't like bananas so i'll have to go with the non-banana answer
Why is green achors
the place to be?--Syko Morgana
if someone told you that then it's a lie..
.if you found this out by means of strange drawings on bathroom
ceilings then it's the truth
Why do you have a
face on your arse? - Mzebonga
damnit i said i was sorry i took your hat without asking... damn
you have some serious control issues ...
why do they call
i think it has something to do with being outside and having their
necks burnt but then again i could just be making up shit that
sounds sort of right but really isn't right at all... that's the
chance you take when asking me questions
why is sex so over
it's not... it's just that there are so many people who don't
know how to do it right... it should be about getting each other
off... not just yourself
why is it that time
seems to fly by when your're having fun?
you're distracted by other stuff so you don't notice time passing...
it has something to do with that black hole out there that is
sucking in time...
do women find hairy
men unattractive and if so why?
some do... some don't... EVERY HUMAN IS DIFFERENT
ryt....how long is
a piece of string,really? keli_x_james
well mine is about 6 feet long
what is a klondike?
it's someone with large boots that stomps around with an axe but
doesn't chop anything and when they laugh it's really loud and
no one laughs with them since the boots are covered in garbage
and shit so it smells really bad
the butt wipes arent
wet. What do i do!?!?!?
spit like you've never spit before
You know that song
that goes like..dunna da dunna da dunna dunna doo do doo dodo-do
do..dunna dunna...dunna dunna? FartMonkey
yes... what about it?
Why do I suddenly
have this horrible headache? FartMonkey
it's the wig... it's too tight
So. ... oh yeah,
have you ever had that dream where you are out all day and you
realize to your horror that you're naked? Oh wait..maybe you do
that kinda thing voluntarily..I just don't know...I had a better
question, but I forgot it..dangit ..FartMonkey
no i haven't had that dream actually... i did have that dream
about that duck that followed me everywhere until i had to get
a stick and beat it so it stopped but then all that happened was
that it's wing got kinda mangled... it kept following me around...
dragging its mangled wing behind it
What should I name
my guitar? Its gotta be a guy's name. But not stupid. Can you
believe those tards that name their kids things like "kimberly"?
I mean..what are they smoking? FartMonkey
they are smoking kimberly inducing stuff... and let's face it...
we've all tried it...
i threw up yesterday
and i think the dog maybe ate it. should i pump his stomach and
eat it? cuz i need my protein FAT BEN
once you threw it up... it ceased being yours and became property
of the dog...
i think i killed
my neighbors but maybe it was a dream i'm not sure..can you ask
them for me? FAT BEN
no... i don't like them... i hate them all... they throw things
it was just her and
me sittin on the bench. nobody else was around. i was givin her
a back rub and she had her eyes closed. she was so beautiful.
i smelled her perfume and looked at her shiny hair. i realized
i stopped the massage cuz i was looking at her and she leaned
back and rested on me like a chair. before i eralized what i was
doing i had my arms around her and my mouth on hers. i was horrified
cuz i dream about doing that all the time but i really did and
it was an accident. but she kissed me back and things led to other
things and soon we were naked on the bench eating eachother out
and she was moaning and screaming and humping my tongue. oh yeah
my question is, whats the date today
september 1st 2003
Why is rap awful?
i'm not sure... i've heard a few rap songs i've not hated... but
i'm not a fan in any sense of the word... i guess it's just one
of those things that somehow ties in with the weather patterns
The glass is always
half empty. Why do people even bother to ask? I started with a
full glass and drank half, now its half empty. They should really
get that freaking idea through their head. Why do people always
ask me whether the glass is half empty or half full? -Ferretchick
actually... the whole thing is a sham... it's a plastic cup...
not even glass...
Do you like writing
rants or stories better?
the stories... that way i don't have to have it make any sense
If i gave you a shiny
nickel would you be my organ grinder monkey?
who would have though
a sock monkey in pants could be that gorgeous...arent you by any
chance contemplating on wearing a tie on your next photos? leigh
nah... i'm not a 'tie' kinda monkey... you have my permission
to print out the color photos and put them on your wall... and
if you join my.theinsanedomain... maybe i'll even reply to your
posts and send you an autograph
who's behind the
"The Secret Of The Lap Dancing Monkey'? Cool...leigh
jcp and myself... mostly jcp...
are you a cop?
hell no or i'd be pulling people over for being dumbasses
why are heavy metal
listeners all pathetic white losers with no sence of rythm? How
can you base an entire genre of music on one emotion, anger? Why
does metal suck?
they aren't... and if you ever actually heard some of the lyrics
you'd know better.. it's all a matter of taste... and i like metal
so you can suck on my ass...
What do you think
of these "Flash Mobs"? Do you think they might have
a sinister agenda behind it? Like it might be a mind control program?
nah i think it's great... a little creative chaos is good
What's wrong with
my hat? Do you think I should get a purple velvet one? I think
there's one worn by Peter Gabriel in the video for "Steam"
with a matching purple suit. - Mzebonga
i think it ROCKS... and get the velvet hat... and the suit...
dc!! there is a pig
shitting in my house and its eating my furniture and personal
items like glue and my legs wot do i do please help guy
i say you plead with it and if that fails... lead it away with
Remember that good
question you answered a long time ago about melting an igloo and
the eskimo comes out, and you said how to kill him etc. and the
result is the best meat you've ever tasted? I thought you didn't
eat meat? Or is this simply the opinion of someone else who you
outright plaigerized? plaigarized..plaig..how do you spell that?
i'd eat human meat... other then that i'm a vegetarian... are
you accusing me of STEALING other peoples content? i'm offended...
i don't know if i want to answer any more questions from you...
that was my new kitten walking over my keyboard, don't u think
How the hell did
I end up here? And, as long as I am here...you seem cool, wanna
help me get a life? - Naked Fairy
sure... we sell them for $10...
I took Emerald along
on yet another camping trip. She lounged around a lot. I was just
wondering if this is a common trait in sock monkeys--to sit around
and do absolutely nothing? McDiablo
of course! that's why we're so great... no pressure to do anything!
how nice of you to take her so many places
My mom is convinced
that this guy I talk to on MSN is Prince William because a) he
lives in England and b) has no job. I think she is wrong. What
do you think? McDiablo
wait a minute... then mzebonga could be prince william... ! it's
true isn't it! that explains it ALL... oh no wait... no it doesn't...
your mom must be mad...
Miss Roger's Sweater
has moved to a nearby city, but it sucks 'cuz she has lived up
the road from me for as long as I can remember. How long will
it be until I break down and start stalking her? McDiablo
let's face it... you already have before i even answered this...
maybe you should just get an RV and park outside her place...
When people describe
something hilarious that happened, and they say it was "funny
as hell", is that even an acceptable measurement system?
I mean, how funny IS hell? FartMonkey
how do i know you didn't steal this question from someone else?
Did you ever get
so fed up with stupid people and their stupid questions that you
asked yourself a question and gave it a good question award? Is
that where that eskimo thing came from? Oh, I'm onto you now!
yes i do get fed up with some people... you're lucky i don't delete
the rest of your questions... luckily for you i'm too tired to
get really cranky about it...
who WOULDNT want
this body? - Nikon
that crazy lady with the broken umbrellas
ive noticed thaet
u ask questions in alot of your responses. and since we haev to
talk in questions only, does thaet maen thaet all of ur questions
aer rhetorical? how aer we supposed to answer them? no dont be
a SAnimal and respond with a question. maybe think up sumthin
your spelling bothers me... and there is nothing saying that i
can't answer questions... and no guarantee that you'll get any
sort of coherent response when asking a question... so beyond
that, i hope they all fall in the water bleeding
Why does FrontPage
hate me so much? FartMonkey
What causes headaches?
Is there a measurement system for how bad your headache is? FartMonkey
yes but i'm not telling you
Did your mom make
those pants too? FartMonkey
no she didn't actually... but she did find them and buy them for
What's your favorite
um... i don't know.. i'm not really a sandwich sort of monkey...
Are you a vegetarian
because you think the taste of meat is gross? I just can't see
you as one of those "save the cows" people..FartMonkey
no i'm not one of those people... and i'm not one of those people
In arguments when
people tell me that I suck, like this is supposed to be some big
argumentive point, I just agree that, yes, I do suck, because
I do. Then they have nothing else to say. Is this a good time
to scream and throw watermelon seeds at them, and make my escape?
yes it's the perfect time to do such a thing... in fact it's the
reason that watermelons have seeds
I know the new questionnaire
and what ifs are up. It's so tempting. Should I send them in now?
I hate to waste them on the first day they're up because then
I have a whole month to wait until the results. What should I
sure send them in now... and answer them at the end of the month
When you're answering
the questions, and you haven't answered them for an extra day
or so and there's a whole lot of them, do you ever just get fed
up and do some and delete the rest? FartMonkey
no i'd leave them unanswered until the next time i updated
If I met you on the
street and introduced myself as FartMonkey, would you suspect
I was an elaborate robot built by the government and try to kill
me or run away, or would you shake my hand politely? Or fling
feces at me? FartMonkey
yes... yes i would... and then i'd hang onto your leg for awhile
until i decided not to and then the park would be fun because
there are swings there... swings are fun
Is a canadian weekend
longer than a normal weekend? The weekend ends on sunday! today
is tuesday! where are my fucking answers!! I want answers!!!!!
why are the new questionaires
up but last month's responses are nowhere to be found? Is this
part of your plan to drive us insane because its fucking working!!!!
how about this... you PAY me and i'll do them right away each
month... until then you'll have to wait a few days so stop your
whining you ungrateful brat
So..... How was your
it was quite good actually... went camping with friends and had
Hey guys, thanks
so much for your hard work you have put into this site! Now, can
I destroy the world?
you are quite welcome... and yes
Do sock monkeys get
'boners' too? If so, HOW? - Evil Bob
yes... same way you do... well ok maybe not how YOU do... you're
into some sick shit... but besides that... it's pretty much the
same sort of thing
Donkeys vs. Chipmunks
in a fight! Who would win and why?
donkeys... well maybe the chipmunks... no wait... i forgot about
the donkeys secret weapon... donkeys would win
Why can I not log
into the Creative Writing website? This has never happened to
me and it's making me become increasingly violent. McDiablo
can i watch you get violent? send me your username and password...
i'll see if i can get on from here
Do you make up words
and, if so, how do you go about creating them? McDiablo
yes i do and i just make noises that sound good together... or
letters that look like they belong together... like kranbur...
Is my cat secretly
glad that everyone is going back to school and work? McDiablo
very much so...
dc, the results,
u said will posted shortly...how long is the word 'short' to you?
its been there for like three days!...:) leigh
since when is 'the
end is near' there at the bottom of ur main menu? sorry but i
never noticed it before...have i known i would have...never mind...i'll
let you guys in a big secret though...whoever is whispering to
you have whispered to so many people before you or even before
your parents and they failed...are you really that susceptible?
finally someone speaks up... now i can remove it... sometimes
we put things on that page to see if you people are paying attention...
it's been there for awhile...
WHAT TYPE OF HAWIAN
FISH IS ? HUMU HUMU NUKUNUKA APU'AC ? THANKS -MTS (MARKTHESHARK)
damnit i told you the answer yesterday... and the day before...
and the day before that... damn sharks...
if u don't believe
in god and instead worship satan, when someone sneezes can u say
to them "satan bless you!"??? irish psycho
well i guess you could... but why should anyone say anything?
is warren zevon dead
yet? it'd be sad if he is dead...hes cool.......... irish psycho
so, i was walking
down the street when i came upon a piece of pizza. it looked very
sad and lonely sitting there all alone...so i ate it...now i am
having massive digestive problems.....WHAT THE BLOODYFUCK DID
I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? all i was doing was trying to help a slice
of pizza in need....what the bloodyfuck did i do to deserve this?
i think the world is trying to fuck with your head... and your
body... and not in fun ways... so it's time to start chopping
do u ever watch the
simpsons? irish psycho
YES... how can anyone NOT watch them?
i just went to a
youth program focusing on GOD GOD and more GOD.........the whole
thing screamed CONVERSION.....what type of punishment do these
people deserve? would u like to execute that punishment with me?
the punishment requires careful planning... of course i'll help
If I wrote in just
to tell you that I appreciate you doing a nice job of getting
the monthly results up quickly, which is true, would you think
I was just sucking up? FartMonkey
well i'd say thanks... and maybe invite you over for some hot
tub fun... you can suck up in there some more
Those things on the
sticks are nasty and hurt my teeth. She bought a whole box of
them. Was it just to spite me? FartMonkey
of course it is... that and the other thing you don't know about
I'm such a tard!
I wrote the next chapter of my story over the old one and failed
to save it under a different title. Can I bribe frontpage to give
it back to me or do I have to..like..remember it? I hate thinking...FartMonkey
i HATE when that shit happens... perhaps it's in a temp file?
but i think you're screwed if you didn't have a copy elsewhere
of the chapter you overwrote... sigh... i wonder how much really
important/good stuff has been lost that way...
when is thursday
in canada because it thursday tonight in australia and im stll
waiting to see my freakin questionaire results!
you are 12 hours ahead of us... so unless you'd like to fly me
over there so i'm on your time... SHUT UP
How are you? Evil
feeling better now that i see i'm almost done here
How big is 'IT'?
a lot of pages... the paperback version is pretty big indeed
Has it ever happened
that when you sit on the toilet and shit, the water splashes up
on your ass? The Dude
yes it has and i dislike it very much
its friday in australia, whats the deal?
Where is this plane
they speak of in spain? And why does the rain there stay mainly
in it? Is there a plane flying around spain and it's constantly
raining inside? FartMonkey
it's all lies... LIES... just like santa being a lie... that's
right... a LIE... they LIED to you!
Who wrote leaving
the coffee shop? FartMonkey
What's my topic gonna
be for my english paper? FartMonkey
7 wonders of the ancient world... send me a copy when you're done