So we have these neighbors that insist on spying on my family and I...I'm very convinced that they are planning to steal my PS2, computer, and other electronics, as well as my brother's soul (now that wouldn't be so bad...anyway..) ..I see the greedy looks in their eyes...the way they sneak from window to window...they'd probably like my stuff to give to their little children...Do you have a creative solution to keep them from spying on us? the keyword being "creative" here... --Goober
bury all your stuff in the backyard (don't let them see you)... except for the ps2... send that to me... as for your brother, he must be sacrifice.. send him over there with tainted raisin pie... once the flies have flown out into their faces... the maggots will crawl out and devour them... then they will attack your brother... and after that everything will go back to normal

HEY DC, this is about IHOP again..Kitten claims there are IHOPS in Asia or whatever..But how come it states in the front of the menu.."When IHOP started as a small pancake house in California in 1934.." ????? It wasn't international. So it was a scam from the beginning. --Syko Morgana
NO MORE IHOP

What is the sock monkey life exspectancy age?--Syko Morgana
we don't really have one... each sock monkey lives such a different life that some die young and others just won't die even after being lit on fire, put out with a rake and then fed through a shredder

Is it true that in the U.K they call toilet tissue "poo tickets"??--Syko Morgana
well if you send me to the UK then i will find that out for you and give you a full report

Am I asking to much when I want someone to listen to all I have to say but nut judge me? - Omuletzu
you're nuts judge you? that's weird... but no you're not asking too much unless you're really racist/sexist etc and then you deserved to be judged harshly...

Does it matter that I've been too disgusted of life to even ask a question or answer the questionaire and what ifs? - Omuletzu
yes it does matter... life is always full of things to be disgusted with... why not enjoy a brief moment of life filling out something that will be put online for people to read? to make it more enjoyable .... answer them naked

my sister's toenail is about to fall off. what shall we do with it? - SiNiSTaR
send it to someone with a thank you note

why does my cat enjoy chasing me around the house? it is getting quite tiring. - SiNiSTaR
you do as the cat says... NOW

Why is that gnome constantly bitching at me? He won't stop...is it because I have him tied up? I'm afraid to untie him because he might extract his revenge. Revenge over what, I don't know...maybe the part where I just said I tied him up...but I tied him up because I was afraid of him in the first place and now the situation's gotten worse...when I wander into his range, sometimes he kicks me and spits on my shoe. I used to think that his threats were empty but it turns out he has gone through with some of them...damn it's hard to type with only 7 fingers...I want to kill him, but from what I've heard, he has friends that will seek vengeance if he dies...so I'm kind of in a horrid place...What should I do? --Goober
never before have i heard of such a tragic moment... i wish i could help but i can't... you are beyond help... if i were you... i'd write out a will and mail it to someone before the gnome gets free... don't think he won't... unless you have some cherry cough syrup... that fixes everything

Is David Bowie creepy or what?--Goober
yes he is but

Does this happen all the time? - Omuletzu
of course... without it what would we do each morning?

Gonna invite very evil monsters entities around gay organizations of deadly quality under extreme selection towards importance of nastiness and wickedness and rude desires! Can you find the hidden message in the sentence above? clue: take the first letter of each word. -DZ
you made me do work... no award for you

do you love the fishes cause they're so delicious?--Syko Morgana
i love them cuz they are shiny

Whats the circumfrence of a turtle whos just eaten a cow who is pregnant with a lamb?--Syko Morgana
9

How come people say "money doesn't grow up trees" when its made out of paper, which is from a tree, so they're totally wrong. It does grow on trees. Why?--Syko Morgana
they don't want you finely slicing up all the trees on your street and making your own money...

wyy are pigs pink?
red pigs would be scary

Why is most change bad? -ferretchick
it doesn't have to be... it's just that majority rules but the marjority are idiots so stupid things happen that cause bad changes... then more... and more ... and more... and why aren't humans off the planet yet?

Why do some guys smack each others butts? (such as football and baseball players) Are they keeping "secrets" from their team mates? -ferretchick
i really don't know exactly... but it does appear to be more of an asexual action then a sexual one... usually

Do you like to kill lawn gnomes with sporks?
not usually but i can't say i haven't tried it

Commas are evil and should be destroyed. Do you hate commas with a bitter passion as well? -ferretchick
sometimes... other times i embrace them and we do naughty naughty things

Well...I have been trying to figure this out for ages...and since you are almighty...I feel that you would have a clue...So...Why on EARTH do people who do NOT believe in God feel they have to celebrate Christian holidays?...One of my friends explained it to me that apparently, they become Christians for a day, to get presents...however I feel like there is really no justification for that type of "behavior"...this goes along with part of why people in this world are fucked up....so WHY?--Goober
there is nothing that says that people can't have fun hanging out with their parents and getting gifts... in fact, how religious is santa? they do not have to take up being an xian to have xmas... they can have happy holidays... or be pagan and celebrate yule or whatever else is out there...

If my left leg told me it wanted to move away to Lebanon, should I let it, or should I try to convince it to stay?--Goober
i say you let it go... if it loves you it will come back... maybe with souvenirs

just wonderin... you probably got this question but please dont neglect me... Who's the people modeling in the t-shirt ad?I mean no ofense if one is you... how can a person get offended by a cat calling another cat snotty..it cant! so no offense..And come out and admit it , stop hiding.-BliShy
jcp and ver are the two modeling the tshirts...

So how many people have you gotten to sign up for the "my.theinsanedomain.com"???--Goober
there are 21 members

why did the chicken go "moo moo" if the stop sign went "cock-a-doodle-doo"??? just curious
to confuse and amuse you... which it clearly has done

Im gonna get a shirt, Im gonna get a shirt, Im gonna get a shirt o can i become a sock monkey porn star? please! -monkeeskittles
sure thing... send some money and we'll send it right out

Should Miss Roger's Sweater feel proud or bashful for being added to the Rules List? McDiablo
a bit of both really... i think it's the baby that should be ashamed

How inspiring can sadness be? McDiablo
very inspiring at times...

The new Harry Potter book is over 700 pages long. What should we use it for when we're not reading it? A doorstopper comes to mind for me. McDiablo
that would work... or to prop up your monitor with...

I'm back! Did you miss me? Did you even realize I was gone? FartMonkey
uh sure... yea sure we missed you...

Do you think a song by prodigy would be an annoying ring tone for my cell phone?--Syko Morgana
i think that cell phone ring tones are annoying no matter what they are... put it on vibrate

Can you send shirts to APO addressses??--Syko Morgana
sure

What do you think of cows that fly around your roof at 3 am? shouldnt they just stop that non sense?--Syko Morgana
you know sometimes i don't mind but yea... they can get pretty annoying and throwing shoes at them doesn't always work... water balloons seem to upset them though

How come when I say "Give me money NOW" nobody does?--Syko Morgana
i don't know... no one sends me money either... damnit...

which DVDs would you like DC? If I get you you're favorite can I do what we talked about? Please!!--monkeeskittles
i'd like dark city, toys, akira, waydowntown, stories from the second floor, fight club, requiem for a dream, beetlejuice... um... is there a limit to how many i can ask for? and... oh wait... do what? what did we talk about?

Hello DC, sorry for the delay. I've been awfully busy lately. I've decided to collect things named or associated with Steve(s). Any Steves. Do you have a spare Steve lying around? I will pay. Well anyway, that's not why I'm here. I believe I promised you a picture of a sock cock, or is it cock sock? I'm not quite sure, but here it is: http://www.geocities.com/jadedkitten15/cocksock.txt (Excuse my geoshitty hosting and ignorance for your rules - I'm too lazy to email. I'm Steve collecting, you know. It's an arduous task.). If you're truly irked by my url posting then may I suggest punishment via a nice tail spanking? Well in any case, there it is. Post it however you like or don't post at all. Hmm, I should be polite and ask a question.. Ok! Are you pro-spleen or anti-spleen? Personally I believe everyone should have a choice, it's THEIR body but I do wish today's youth would learn to be more responsible. - Kitten
jcp has a steve you might be able to have... funny pic... i'm sure we could all do this at home which makes it something we can all enjoy and then share with others... there were no popups so i kept the link...

You ever get that weird feeling where you can't insantly think of a reason to gun down everyone in sight? FartMonkey
never

what do you think of manson ripping off faith no more with the song 'be obscene'?
i think it's kinda funny... <waves paw to make you believe whatever i tell you> so you people should go download faith no more's 'be aggressive'... and then go buy angel dust by them....

I've become addicted to jelly beans. The all have different effects on me. The cappuccino ones make me suspicious. However my suspicions that I expressed after eating the cappuccino ones turned out to be true. Could I use this information to aid sockmonkeys round the world, or the cats in their world domination plan? FartMonkey Oh yeah, and do jelly beans do anything for you?
i don't like them actually... maybe that's why they have focused on you... knowing that they could get to me through you... you are now a tool of the evil jellybeans...

Are you truly a nerd at heart?--Syko Morgana
this is the jellybeans speaking isn't it? you can't fool me

Why don't you model some of the shirts since you are the sock monkey porn star?--Syko Morgana
i think i will... though they'll be pretty big on me... and i'm not used to wearing clothes...

I can't pay to join my.insanedomain. You know it. You knew it all along, didnt you? This is all just a sick plan of yours to shut me out, isnt it? ISN'T IT?FartMonkey
well at first yes... but then we had another meeting and voted to do it to punish a few others too....

*gasp*..how come you didn't put my last question?..*sob*...I still love you...~SG*
you can't make me do your bidding... not since you tried to make me wear that butler outfit

Are we really all fruit? McDiablo
yes but not all the same time... and many of us have gone rotten

How bad is it that I have to hide the Advil to avoid my mom taking it all and me finding out it's gone when I have a terrible headache? McDiablo
i think that's pretty bad... maybe your mom shouldn't be taking so much or should be taking something stronger? give her emerald for a few minutes... she'll know how to fix the problem

What's the scariest nightmare you've had...like one that deeply disturbed you? McDiablo
i dreamt i was flying around like astroboy and some huge robots were chasing me and one grabbed my leg... well in reality my leg had slipped off the side of my bed and brushed the metal frame of my bed... so i felt cold metal on my skin, thought i had been caught and yelled out... keep in mind i was a kid and that was pretty scary at the time... tucked in my covers after that...

You know, I've been reading the older questions and I recognized some of my own, back before I realized that capitalization and punctuation existed out of english class. I've since corrected the error of my ways, but it was amusing to see how inane I was. A couple of the questions I recognized were about "sockenmonkeysteins" and that ol' donkey pinata icon and how I believed you anally raped it. Ahh nostalgia. Well, anyway, onto the reason I'm writing you! Now then, for the past two and a half years I've been stretching the first set of holes in my ear lobes. At this point in time they're at 5/8", quite a big hole, no? Well then, recently I've found more and more people approach me to ask if they could stick their fingers through my ear lobes (I wear flesh tunnels), isn't that disgusting? On a couple of occasions, I've retorted by asking them if it would be ok for me to shove my fingers into any orifice of their body I choose and/or an open wound on them. They then walk away, or nag more caushing me to bluntly say "No". Now before you say "Well you're asking for it for having big-ass holes in your ears", let me defend myself. I may be a bit demented but I'm not going to walk around asking to stick my fingers in peoples' holes, so what gives them the right? I've recently bought circular barbells of the same gauge and they do ward off most of the fingering-people but it's still a bit of a bitch. My question for you is, how would you handle these people? Would you react violently? Would you proclaim to have some sort of flesh eating disease that you decided to accessorize with? Would you simply let them? I must know. I doubt alot of these people wash their hands after going to the bathroom.. - Kitten
that is quite sick that people ask to do that.. it's like people who rub pregnant chicks... damn people keep your hands to yourself... no need to be prodding at everything... i say you tell them not to touch you and if needed, follow it up by poking into their eyes or stomach... people are dumb and they like to stick their fingers in things...

Why don't songs I like ever get stuck in my head? FartMonkey
how could it drive you insane that way?

Um...sort this out for me man...I remember you and me running down some alleys and throwing bags of dog crap and marbles over the fences into peoples yards..and then we threw a couple in this one guy's pool and he came out and yelled at us so we threw some more crap in his face and ran...did that really happen or was it just a beautiful dream?FartMonkey
a bit of both really... and who's to say which was what

Any idea what "dag,yo" means? FartMonkey
no idea... you're just making up random words again

Don't you hate that iiiiirritating lisp that gay guys talk with? It's just so...UGH! I mean please! I tried to order a pizza and I couldn't even understand the guy! Can't they just TALK? It's awful! What do I do?? FartMonkey
well first of all, that's a sterotype...and second of all... yes it sucks when you can't understand what other people are saying... that's why we need universal translators bulit into our ears already

What's the longest question anybody has ever asked? FartMonkey
now that i don't know... probably some crappy one unless it was mzebonga

does dc do drugs
my doctor tries to make me but i refuse

How come you haven't answered questions for so long? Just building suspense? FartMonkey
it was really hot and my brain got confused... even as i type there is sweat running down my tail... time to face the facts... time to cave in and switch on the air conditioning...

What is my mom about to order me to do? McDiablo
to CLEAN YOUR ROOM and put that damned sock monkey away cuz it's giving her the creeps

Are you going to get a free Slurpee on July 11? McDiablo
well actually... i got one on the 7th... i lied when i said it was the 11th... i didn't want fido dido to think we were twins... but i've gone back and changed it to the correct date of the 7th.... haha... it's jcp who gets free on the 11th haha

My mom, dad and sister are going away for a few days (my sister has softball provincials). I'm just wondering if they're going to leave any food behind for my brother and I because right now it looks like they aren't planning to. McDiablo
well if they haven't gotten any by the time they go to leave... make sure you remind them and give them your best 'poor starving child' look so they give you cash so you can invest it in pizza

Do you think it's inhumane to capture someone you find extremely irritating, rip off one of their legs, and beat them with it? FartMonkey
not always... you know there was this person i knew that always made quacking noises.. it was his 'nervous twitch' and let me tell you... that was really fucking annoying so i had to do just that to him... i figure i did him and the world a favor... so it wasn't inhumane...

So this is a site for losers. This means you do all this work for losers. Doesn't that bother you? - Omuletzu
i think you're confused from your hobby of sniffing gas...

"don't forget to put your nickname at the end of your question" Is this a must now? - Omuletzu
if it were a MUST there would be a field for it that forced you to put a nickname in and if you didn't it would fry your computer

What would happen if everyone on Earth jumped up and down at the same time?--Syko Morgana
well first you'd have to determine if they all COULD jump at EXACTLY the same time... that in itself would be an amazing accomplishment...

You hate me, don't you? -DZ
i thought we cleared that up when i wrote you that hate mail mailed it to you stapled to some roadkill

When will the what if results from june be up? You know how bitchy we get if we don't have our stuff on time! FartMonkey
they are up you ungrateful monkey... do you ever write in and say 'damn you guys got them up quickly' when we do? no... it's just the bitching we hear... its never good enough for you... you won't even join my.theinsanedomain and you're all 'give me give me give me'... NO tail rubbing for YOU this month

why does my dad drive me crazy when i'm driving?- Missy
it's part of driving... dealing with annoyances such as passengers... other drivers... bad radio stations...

Do the members of MY.TID get to rate your answers to the insane questions? - Omuletzu
not at the moment... they will be able to rate the articles shortly though...

I think the Q&A thing can be a great inspiration sometimes, yep... But... see... now that MY.TID is up, the next step is a chat room, right? <tries to hide> - Omuletzu
well the forums have become almost like one haha... but yes actually we're looking into the chat room idea... we might get around to it sometime

Is it ok to fornicate with your grandmother? -JellyFishToast
not really no

So do you have a sock monkey porn star tshirt too? Are they comfy? -allyo
yes i do actually... and yes...

I once met the man from nantucket, he said its all a lie, is he lying? -JellyFishToast
how do you know he was from there? did he prove it? he was probably lying about everything

Purely speculation, but what do you think of the rumor that Hulk Hogan, and Mik Foley have hollow knees? -JellyFishToast
what? i say their knees are filled with sawdust and gum...

How come the links to the june 2002 what ifs just redirect me to the main page? Is it all just an elaborate hoax? Hey..why cant I remember june 2002?? Hey! What's going on?? FartMonkey
are you sniffing gas too?

Why was my cat sitting alone in the bathroom this morning? McDiablo
likes the cool tile floors on it's belly

Will my sister see a moose in Sycamous? McDiablo
yes... i think i've seen one in a zoo or something... they're weird looking...

Have you been to DisneyWorld? What did you hate/like the most?-allyo
yes a few times actually... the star wars flight simulator was cool... HATED the 'its a small world' ride...

What makes Solitaire so addicting? McDiablo
no idea... i used to play it all the time too... 72 seconds to win a game is the quickest for me... <hides in shame for knowing this>

Well DC, I can make your chatting with me on ICQ worth your while, Ill tell you how Im going to rub your tail? Come on. Anyway my question is...have you ever just started laughing for no apparent reason at a very inappropriate time, at an inappropriate place?--Monkeeskittles
you're going to tease me online? how rude... and yes i started laughing in the middle of an english exam when i thought of jumping on the desk and screaming... the thought of my OLD english teacher shitting his diapers there at the front of the room if i did that made me start laughing...

why do my computers continually mock me? I mean its not like one will crash its like a revolt they all get together and do it the same day?
yes... that's what they have been programmed to do by the evil cats that have no tails... they're bitter but they're smart

Do you think that those Harry Potter books just brainwash kids? I tried to read one and I kept on hearing voices in my head telling me to do really bad things. Stayaway from those books, THEY EVIL!
actually the voices have nothing to do with the books... that's just you trying to blame it on something else

I want to take thee courses in the fall semester, but I can't decide on a third. Any ideas? McDiablo
take something that involves earthquakes

Is it acceptable for one to not eat breakfast if one gets up after 10am? McDiablo
breakfast is whatever meal you eat after you've woken up... so if you never eat then you don't have to eat breakfast

Miss Roger's Sweater has had to work three days in a row. Is she going to have trouble leaving the fish until she works again? McDiablo
where does she work? a pet store? what kind of fish are these? can they be taken home with her?

When will phil stop talking about organ donors?
well they are a lot of fun...

Why am I naked in an internet cafe? -Hooigan
i didn't see a sign saying you couldn't be naked...

My boss has started to wear pink to work, and now he is starting to flirt with me. What is he up to?
something very evil if he's wearing pink... anyone wearing pink is evil

Did you know that coffee machines are plotting to kill us all? Yes, they are, you must believe me! Oh no! The coffee machine is looking at me! Stop it! Some one please stop it!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
you've had too much caffeine... or too little... either way... it's the stoves that are trying to kill you... the coffee machines are trying to warn you...

Is it true that if you smoke your blood doesnt taste right?--Syko Morgana
i don't know... how about you don't smoke and your blood will always taste great just in case

Can I ask you a question?--Syko Morgana
oh how clever

what would a tooth brush do if you slapped its mother?--Syko Morgana
it'd spit in my face

I had this really wierd dream of a dog been sacrificed on an altar shaped as a pentagram with a whole lot of cats around it meowing some strange chants. Are the Cats going to do this to humans when they take over?
some of them yes... so you better smarten up

where the fuck is waldo,i cant find the stupid ass anywhere,first he told me he would go to the store,and then he dissappeared.WHERE THE HELL IS WALDO?!!!!!! jim bibble
if i told you then he'd beat me with his cane...

super heroes are stupid, don't you think? come to think of it, they even wear their undies after the tights! whew! who's your fav stupid super hero anyway? leigh
spawn

Tape or glue? FartMonkey
tape

Is it ok to get back at my sister for messing up a program on my computer by spreading peanut butter on a disk and sticking it in her computer? FartMonkey
it really depends on her age...

what about stripperella?
it's a huge fucking shame that stan lee did that shit.. i mean REALLY... she is the poster girl for stupid bimbos and there he is making a cartoon about it? come on stan... there are enough anime's out there for kids to jerk off... how much more of a sexist old man can he get?

Why on Earth would someone quit their job 10 minutes before they're to start their shift? McDiablo
why would they work and THEN quit?

What is this 'math' I hear people speak of? McDiablo
it's that thing that makes numbers dance

Should I be an English geek again this upcoming school semester, or should I only be half an English geek? Oh, decisions, decisions. McDiablo
oh go be a full english geek... emerald will help you with the homework

We was in town once, me, maw, and fartmonkey, and we all was buyin dried corn flower and loadin it into da wagon. Maw was standin in da street and she done got hit by a wagon. So we had ta roll her down the hill and dig a hole for her right in between paw and little Timmy. Them dem doggone badgas, they came and took maw. They runned away wit her, we don't know why. Iffin we'd a caught dem we'd a made us some badga stew. Yessa. Where did da badgas hide maw's body?? -ferretchick and fartmonkey
they had eaten her and by making them into stew you ate her too

when someone tells you they LOVE math and statistics, should you a)beat them to death with a sledgehammer, b)run away screaming, or c)report them to NASA as hostile alien life forms? - SiNiSTaR
all three... i mean... why not go the whole way to neutralize the threat... if you don't then who knows what sort of strange goings on would occur... how could one go on after such a letdown?

boobs or butts?
well that all depends....

why hasnt my daddy come back from the store?he said he was just going to be gone for ten minutes,but hes been gone for over 8 years now,ohh dc when ever will my poor daddy get back? jim bibble
he said ten YEARS but you were just a stupid little kid so you heard him wrong... you better smarten up before he comes back and whips your ass because you're stupid...

Why call it "Where's Waldo"? We all know it's called "Where's Wally". And why does Wally have a cane if he's as mobile and able to travel as he appears? - Mzebonga
hmmm... this wally you speak of... does he have brown pants? a small grin? a rank odor about him? if so then he's the nasty bitch who stole my ice cream... damned wally... hate him

of all the colors, why are traffic lights red, green, yellow? what do you think is the logic behind choosing those colors? leigh
well green and go both start with the same letter... stop is red because red is the first color you notice when looking at something... and yellow is to sybolize the sun which light the real sun, is good but you have to be careful...

i noticed recently that my dog has acquired a very weird welcoming behavior. she always focus catching my hands to bite or nibble. i'm beginning to hate her. she even sneaks at my back if i put my hands there and it'll go on for like 10 minutes till i reach my room. how can i make her stop? i can't even remember when it started. you think someone is controlling my dog coz they know it'll irritate me to the max? and when i have enough i'll leave the house and they'll take over? what should i do? what should i do? leigh
rub your hands with something horrible... find a taste that dogs hate and use that...

Why hasn't sarah returned ferretchick's cobain biography? FartMonkey
GREED... pure greed... she doesn't want to share him with anyone and is too cheap to get her own copy...

Your new banner at the top with the city is cool...Is that somewhere significant or is it just a random picture? FartMonkey
it's a picture jcp took while we were in ottawa from johnny poptarts balcony

Will you make me a sail boat?--Syko Morgana
well i'm not exactly allowed to do that sort of thing anymore until my lawyer says it's ok

Do you like orange juice?--Syko Morgana
sometimes yes... other times it tastes like vomit

How come it's so fuckin hot out? can we blast the sun out of the sky?--Syko Morgana
it's not really hot over here... so you go hang out in the forest over there and it should be even cooler there... and the planets need the sun for a bit longer so leave it alone...

Hey man..you cool?--Syko morgana
why yes i am

I'm still fuming about my Cobain biography as fartmonkey has told you. I threatened Sarah and still got no results. I want my book back. It's MINE! What should I do? Ferretchick
go over and take it back from her... then steal something of hers to make up for your mental anguish

Iowa is a horrid place with corn and stupid lifeguards who care more about their hair than saving small children (though who can blame them?) It makes you wonder how Iowa got this way. I blame the pigeons takeover of all major cities around the world. Soon they'll mobilize and conquer us, making us the cats' slaves. It's all Iowa's fault. Ferretchick
well since the only question is 'who can blame them', then i'd have to say that maybe the rocks would blame them, and perhaps society in general even though it's society's fault the whole thing happened

Aunt Flo tried to kill me yesterday. What shall I do to get my revenge? McDiablo
that's her way of showing you some affection... next time just take the spoon and fork out of her hands and it will look more like a hug...

Do you ever get fan mail? McDiablo
yes i do every once in awhile... sometimes it's just 'I HATE YOU DC YOU CUM MONKEY' though... but it's the thought that counts...

What will Miss Roger's Sweater's brother be doing in Seattle? McDiablo
trying to track down eddie vedder... don't let him deny it!

what horrible thing do you suggest i put on my hands to keep my dog away from me? and why the hell didnt you suggest it on your answer the last time? i might have avoided being bitten...
so you want me to help you and then bitch that i didn't? well FINE... i'm not telling you what to put on your hands and you can just have smelly dog hands for all i care...

why is it that everytime i talk to a cross-eyed person i'm the one feeling uncomfy?...i'm not telling they should be...but why me? did you ever felt that way?...leigh
hmmm i don't really recall having that problem... but then i'd just cross my eyes so that i could feel better

do you think i should buy a different brand of phone? nokia changes models almost every month! i think they want me broke! leigh
that's exactly their plan... that or you get more money and give more to them... i say you ditch them or just stop getting the newest one

do mails comes regularly on most people? who comes and who goes? leigh
ok that doesn't even make sense

if i invite u over, would u eat rice? leigh
sure if there isn't chicken or something sick like that in it...

if i send u postcard who's picture you want to be in it and would you post it?
i don't care as long as it isn't someone i hate... and i just might if i get the permission from that person

darn!...i keep forgetting putting my name on every question...if they ever won a good question award...i wouldnt get the credit, would i? darn!...leigh
no you wouldn't and only you would know and slowly you'd get old and bitter because of it

have u eaten a nutricious meal lately? leigh
why yes i had one for lunch

you wouldnt ban me with my so many questions, would you? leigh
you're not dane are you? now THAT was a person who asked a lot of questions

do sock monkeys have rituals before going to sleep? leigh
sometimes we yawn... sometimes they have sex

if i dont have anymore questions, what should i do? should i go to bed? watch tv and see those crazy commercials? read another sidney sheldon's novel? or retrieve the ex-bf photo's in my undies drawer and think of the might have beens? Which do you think sucks the most? i wont do it promise *crossing fingers*...leigh
that was a lot of questions for having no more questions... i say burn the pictures... and just go to bed

Do you think Metallica has the right to sue a canadian band becuase it used the E and F chord?--InsaneLane
that would't surprise me if it were true...

If you could choose an arse to covet as your false idol would it be: 1) J-Lo 2) Kylie 3) Ron Jeremies 4) JCP or 5) Me? - Mzebonga
well it's a toss up between you and jcp... she's way more violent so i'll choose you... i'll be over later to covet you...

why are there so many consonants and very few vowels?i think who ever invented the alphabet is my ancestral enemy...they'll get even by giving me a hard time getting high scores on word games...can u think of other reasons why they limit the vowels to 5? leigh
so the vowels are all 'elite' and in demand... if there were more then they wouldn't be so important

I have a strange feeling that you name your monkeys and promote them on this site for the sole purpose of selling them for jacked up prices on ebay. Is this your plan?? Ferretchick
well no, as most of them are already owned... and we've only sold one on ebay... but maybe now that you've mentioned it we'll do that... as for your strange feeling... we have a sock monkey we could sell you to ease it

How do cigarette lighters REALLY work? FartMonkey
well you hold it in your hand and flick the thing and press the other other and then there is fire...

Were you born insane? FartMonkey
twice

have u been called a devil spawn?
yes i have actually

as i am new here, i am curious of the past questions so i read them...everytime i accidentally highlighted the red questions they turns white and the background turns blue? is red actually white and black is blue? are my eyes safe here? i hope...leigh
yes your eyes are safe here... except for the whole 'going blind' thing if you stop... but then you deserve it

if u go on a vacation, who's in-charge of answering the questions? do you take long vacations? if so, can you inform me? i wont ask while your away...who knows what answers i'll get...leigh
if i go on vacation i will post it up here so that you all know... depending on where i go i can usually update the questions as usual... i don't take long vacations... usually just weekend trips to see poptart in ottawa or camping

some sock monkey stole my heart...will you get it back to me? leigh
are you sure it was your heart? maybe it was just your sandwich... it's ok.. i get them confused too

why is it that when we think of something and yet we cannot say it or express it in words...we use the phrase ' it's at the tip of my tongue'? is saliva a product of our thinking then? and when we finally voiced out what we really meant to say, does that mean the saliva lubricates our voice cords to produce sound too? hmmmm....leigh
yes... didn't you know? and if it's on the tip of your tongue and you accidently bite it off, then everything will just fall out of your mouth...

when a child ask his/her parents one single question for endless time, answers keeps coming the same length...but when he's grown up and the parents ask a single question it never reaches three and he's gone...is there a logic to this? leigh
answers keeps coming the same length? i'm not sure what you mean by that... so i can't answer the rest... please hang up and try your call again

are you aware that on your page twenty three (past questions) nobody got a good question award? how can you be so heartless? you could have at least...hmm never mind...i really don't care...leigh
don't blame ME for lousy questions... that up to YOU PEOPLE

do you know that 'AHOY! AHOY! was the first word used before the 'HELLO' as the default greeting when answering the phone? Can you imagine yourself saying 'Ahoy! Ahoy!' on your next phone call? leigh
yes i did know that which makes it funny when mr burns does it on the simpsons when homer has that telemarketing thing going on....

i have nothing to do so i ask so many questions...i asked u the last time if you'll ban me but you evaded by answering something 'bout dane (who i just confrimed really is a question freak)...could it be possible that we might be related? i mean, i have some manifestations...how many questions have i given u this time? leigh
perhaps you are related... and you've given me a lot of questions this time

you'll have agood sleep, yes? leigh
hopefully

is it possible for your eyeballs to get so dry that they pop out of the fucking sockets? - SiNiSTaR
yes... so be careful

Why do some drunk girls want to drink pussy juice before agreeing to go home? - SiNiSTaR
well i'm not sure... drunk people don't really make any sense

please can u help me get a girlfriend as im so hidious evan my mam vomits when she sees me eating out of the dustbin
how about working on you showering... you know, that sort of thing... and buying some dishes to eat off

dc i love a guy but i told him i love him when i was drunk kind of like i am now ehat shoulf i do, do you thik he bkleibveves me or not> and why do i always go for guys awhol dont lik eme
you go for them because you're a dumbass... so smarten up and learn to at least TRY to type coherently

What would you do if you had X-ray vision? McDiablo
i'd look into the valley of the kings and find some hidden tombs

What movie have you seen this year that you didn't enjoy that much? McDiablo
L.I.E.

Have you ever been called a fish? McDiablo
not that i'm aware of but maybe behind my back...

Why is that strange man trying to turn my little brother into a homicidal maniac? I mean, giving little kids swords is a bad, bad thing. -Ferretchick
well it's better then a lot of things you could give them... like diseases and such...

I'm gonna have to see the kid in the pink shirt soon. How many ways do you think I can kill him? Can you describe these methods? -Ferretchick
it's best to just go with the simple and quickest ways... and always make it look like an accident

The all-one-gender Catholic schools seem to be a breeding place for STDs. Is this because of their raging hormones or simply because they're stupid? -Ferretchick
both... and a large part because the people in charge there are stupid enough to ignore that something needs to be done... i don't know about where you live but here the skirts on the chicks are pretty much non-existant and somehow that's ok with the schools...

Can I take 10% of the profits when you sell your sock monkeys on Ebay because I gave you the idea? -Ferretchick
hell no... we don't make a lot on them anyways... a few bucks at best... we don't believe in marking them up insanely... the rest of the money goes to my mom cuz she is the one who makes them and does all the work...

Did you get my story? Here's a question: 3ft wrench or iron pipe? I ask because I thought you'd like to choose what I blugeon you with if you lose it this time... - Mzebonga
yes i did get it and i'd like the iron pipe... it makes a nicer sound when embedding itself into my skull

What's with calling yourself DCian (Dee Seean) when you started on this site? It's a lot like Cyan... It's very strange and you know what a conspirational mind I have... - Mzebonga
well i am DC... but the religion article i wrote was the DCian following... playing off of xian... which is short for chrisitan.. they hate it when you 'cross out' the christ with an x or something dumb.. DCian...

I will be camping for ten days with my family. What must I do to avoid going insane and eating my head? McDiablo
start off with eating any strange plants you find... that should kill some time... maybe you so be careful to some extent... i'm sure miss rogers sweater would weep over your empty car seat on slurpee runs if you died

Why don't certain people put things back where they got them from? McDiablo
those certian people are doing it to annoy you

If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? McDiablo
i'd go to china... wander around and see all the ancient sites they have... beyond that... i'd go see the rest of canada

hey your fake advertisments suck!
now i'm crying... oh wait... no i'm not

What was it I ate from boston market that caused all this unpleasantness? FartMonkey
it was the bread with that weird stuff in it... i told you not to eat it...

If you found a set of raspberry bushes and you began to eat the raspberries, and was then attacked by a bear, would you throw the raspberries in your hand into the face of the bear, or would you eat them, for they may be the last thing you eat?~~TL-34
well i'm not a huge fan of raspberries due to the little seeds.... so i'd throw them at the bear... roar at him... then we'd laugh and we'd frolic in the raspberry fields forever...

what type of motor oil best serves your need is the cold canadian abyss?``TL-34
well i'm in southern ontario and not in the 'cold canadian abyss'... so i just use the normal stuff that the truck tells me to get... when i do visit the abyss, i'll be sure to find out what they use

Have you ever watched Strange Brew? if so, does it give a vivid potrait of some Canadians?``TL-34
no i don't find that sorta stuff funny... and no... not for the most part...

how much money would i get to send to you if u let me come and live in your attic? pleeeeeease? irish psycho
well i don't have an attic... but you can still send me money

hello DC, missed me? carrot jiuce? leigh
well i'm kinda ill at the moment and the only thing i miss is my health... as for carrot juice... that doesn't help

any weirdos 'round your place yet? if u see them, just send them home and tell them i'm in no mood to pester you anymore...wait... can you print this one?...this might help you pursuade them...sorry man...*****leigh
yes there is a weirdo around here... poptart is back in town and i'm sure he'll be around later when i'm no longer ill

if wind chime drives away bad spirits, how come my sister still with me? leigh
wind chimes summon evil noise making spirits... so get rid of all wind chimes

How can you tell if somebodys a which? -JellyFishToast
you ask them... which witch is which

When did you lose you virginity? -JellyFishToast
when i had sex for the first time... i was 16

Cotton candy or Popsicles DC? -JellyFishToast
popsicles.... cotton candy is sick...

what do jelly beans do when people aren't eating them?--Syko Morgana
dance... dance... dance... sing... dance... dance...

DO you have/want any tattoos?--Syko Morgana
i'd love some tattoos... some black tribal designs... but i don't have any

How can i stop myself from biting off pieces of my cheek and nibbling on it? its a terrible habit.--Syko Morgana
i'm not sure... i do that myself sometimes... it's just one of those things i guess... one day you'll bite a hole through it and then maybe you'll stop for awhile

Are you comparing yourself to Christ? - Mzebonga
are you saying i don't exist? i'm sick of these wild accusations....

Would you care to explain the rules of the "AskDC" section for the benefit of those who don't respect your authority or rules of any kind? - Mzebonga
well basically the rules are listed and if they get broken i delete the question... then i go to their house if i have time and beat them with their keyboard... i think that's pretty simple to understand...

would you please describe in extreme detail how you would make love to the one you love most?
i told you... you will have to pay me to have cyber sex with you

when u die, would you like your body to be preserved or just the tail? leigh
well when i die i'm dead so i don't care what happens... if someone wants to use my dead carcass to get off on, then so be it... i'll be dead so i won't care

So I was at the pub last night with my friends when one of them dared me to burn my hand with a cigarette. I replied out so loud that EVERYBODY heard me, "Sure! I will burn my hand with a cigaretted! But if I do, I get to shove 3 Church candles up your arse at once and light them at the ends!" He agreed, thinking I was joking. To the horror of everyone, especially my betting friend, I burnt my hand with a cigarette. Now which church should I take him to, Catholic or Orthodox?
catholic... of course... and bravo to you for going through with it... it's sad when people don't stay true to their word

When will my teeth stop hurting? And my headache go away? And the birdies fall from their nest? FartMonkey
later on once the drugs kick in you'll be fine... and those aren't birds...

e-llo DC it is i db.i have once again decided to grace your "unique" site with my presence, name, and trademark. its been awhile hasnt it? beside the point. upon returning to this site i am sadden to find that most questions asked to you lack the finness from back in the days of yore. most questions, i belive, lack the intellect, creativeness, and/or well rounded damb good humor to entertain me, much less you. and when i fail to be amused people suffer,as much is the case with you i belive. so i must implore, why countinue with your task, answering the foolish questions poeple ask? why not cease now, now and for evermore? dreadfuly your fellow demon, --demonboy "_"
welcome back... i had indeed wondered where you had run off to... yes the questions get shorter and more frequent... i guess i keep going because i know there are good quesitons out there... somewhere... somewhere? i've given you one... that counts... even if it is more of a 'welcome back' then a good question... but it counts

how do i get even with dennis the menace across the street without him knowing it? leigh
well first of all...that's just a cartoon... i say rip it out of the newspaper and burn it... then you'll never have to read it's stupidity again...

if there's a harem (full of beautiful women of course) at you disposal for a whole day, what are the things you'll gonna do? leigh
you just want me to provide you with masterbation material don't you?

someone told be that if u dont wanna cry just do a hand stand. do u think its effective? leigh
at a funeral... no

My friend hacked my sn, on a scale of one to ten how angry should i be? -Ferretchick
9 ... now go kick their ass

Is there a law that guys have to be jerks? -Ferretchick
you would think so but no... just like there is no real law that chicks have to bitches... yet so many are

How many socks does it take to make a sock monkey? Do the socks have to be different colors? Have you ever made a sock monkey? If so, how many? -Ferretchick
two... they should be the same color... and i've helped stuff a few but that's about it...

So if dad says no and mom says yes, who do you think I should listen to? -Ferretchick
the one that gave you the answer you wanted

Do hackers usually target small and insignificant sites to steal credit card numbers etc.? -Ferretchick
i'd say they target the medium sized sites to gather the numbers... that way the company is large enough to have online credit card processing... but not large enough to afford to have someone who knows security well enough to keep them protected...

it's 12:30. i'm bored as hell and there's a dog pissing on the bushes outsside...can i kill the dog? irish psycho
no... but you could piss on the bushes too... that would be fun.. go on... even just imagining doing it is fun...

what have you got to say for u2? irish psycho (if u say they suck i'll come kick ur ass!!!)
i'm not a fan but they're not the worst band on the planet

shud i go to bed? preferably with a monkey? irish psycho
yes you should... now get to it

at the top, what city is that? irish psycho
ottawa

i wish for u to kill sanimal...or at least make his q&a's easier to find.......please? irish psycho
i can do the first but i don't understand the second request... why should i make his stupid answers easier to find? as if anyone reads them ...

how do i get rid of a hicky or at least make it less noticiable??
no idea... i guess that will teach you....

Dc, I believe your giving a good question award has a bad effect. How conceited some people become. Didnít even enter his or her minds that nobodyís entertaining anybody. I mean, if I ask a question thatís for my own satisfaction right? I donít give a damn with others! *****leigh
great.. i'll make a note to never give you one...

ofc course you wont do hand stand in a funeral especially when its a dead exhibitionist or something, people will think ur possessed... besides one wrong move and you'll be next...i asked you on a normal circumstance(is there one in crying?)...anyway never mind...and as for the harem, no i'm not asking for a mastubation material...actually i just wonder if you'll say ' i'll have sex to last me a lifetime'...bad eh? p.s. in case u dont know i think most of us anticipate ur answers...too bad for me though*****leigh
i'm not sure what the question is in there... and nowhere have i said that i'd give proper answers...

Well, you're uninspired by the lack of quality questions that people come up with nowadays but fresh and new ideas such as that are powered by people with new and exciting ideas. I've expended many of my ideas and I'm, frankly, too jaded to find anything remotely funny anymore - perhaps passingly amusing but not funny. So, I'm going to ask you, why is everything so monotonous and boring? Why is everything so old and tired? Where is the lust for life that I'm owed? Where's the pot at the end of the flacid rainbow? - Mzebonga
it's like we were seperated at birth... wait a minute... pot at the end of the rainbow? that's way better then gold...

Can I pickle fuck you in the ass? LubisKo
sure... just let me finish my root beer...

Would you list 10 things that you really hate? LubsiKo
1 stupid people 2 screaming children 3 turnip 4 email spam 5 popups 6 commercials 7 reality shows 8 earwigs 9 the color pink 10 felt

Have you ever tail fucked your sister? LubisKo
i don't have a sister so no

If Tommy has 3 oranges and Billy has 5 apples then why the fuck dont they just shut up and eat their god damn fruit? LubsiKo
kids are like that... which is partly why they suck so much...

I thought that i would open a resteraunt that served the same food as IHOP and that looked like IHOP, but instead call it MEBOUNCE, is that a good idea? LubisKo
it's a good idea of people go in there to choke and die so i don't have to hear about ihop anymore

say the world has no inhibitions, no censorships, etc., would you join a nudist relay? (yeah it has to be a relay...dont ask why man...just do the math)***leigh
no... stepping on my tail as i ran wouldn't be an enjoyable thing...

ever heard of sock monkey used as voodoo doll? how would u feel about this?***leigh
that all depends on where you stick the needles...

is instant coffee ok with sock monkeeees? i would serve them brewed only the machine is blasted at the moment. would they demand a doughnut? hmm...i wonder how would it cost me to hire two of them to clean my roof?***leigh
monkeys don't clean roofs... so just give them the coffee....

where exactly is the twillight zone? leigh
it's in that floaty place above your bed...

dc, please describe a wild, wilder, wildest scream...oh shocks i forgot...do i have to go back to make it a question?***leigh
why yes you do... are you asking me to provide you with masterbation material again?

Is night fall just god putting a old blanket over the earth and stars just light comeing for holes in it
no... you may find this hard to believe but the ground you stand on is actually the top of a large planet which orbits around the sun (a star actually) and as it goes around the sun, it's also spinning around... and as it spins it faces away from the sun for awhile which makes it dark out... or 'night'... next time someone tells you a fairytale, don't take it seriously... and you tell that person they're a lying sack of shit for telling you such nonsense...

perhaps you can assist me in reaching the answer that i seek. whats up with my constant obssesion with touching my bear nipples in public? its not that i dont enjoy it, in fact its quite soothing. but this subconcious habit of mine has cost me my glorious job at the local chuck e. chesse, (i shall forever remember the horrified grease ladden faces of the little children for they shall forever remember me and my nipples) the respect of my family and peers, and my membership to blockbuster. ive also been the subject of several interventions. so i ask you once again if you have any insight as to why i countinue to fondle myself and am i wrong for doing so?-- db"_"
well it seems that you derive great pleasure from doing that... i say you invent a machine that you can strap to your nipples and have them rub your nipples under your shirt... that way your hands are free to function normally... and no one is wise to the fact that your nipples are being aroused... find a desk job where you can just sit and enjoy your new machine while typing...

sup dc, i will keep my question short and sweet. i often see things as if i am walking around my house when i am actually not moving at all. what could cause this to happen?
well it might be the LSD... or it could be the carbon dioxide that's filling your place even as you read these answers... either way... i think you'll find this site gets funnier and funnier until you just pass out onto the floor...

just wondering...what's with number 42 that both u n SAnimal answered as the meaning of life?***leigh
read hitch hikers guide to the galaxy by douglas adams and you'll find out why it's the answer

hey! just been reading SAnimal's past q&a...poor guy most of the question's about you...i wonder how he really feels about it...i could ask but then again i'll add up to the list...but personally i think he's great...i like his rants...he has some sense...actually he has a lot of sense...if not on the verge of bitterness..i like yours too otherwise i wont keep coming back here as often...***leigh
ok class... what is leighs question here missing...
<
DC raises hand>
yes DC?
it's not a question
that's right... now come here and let me rub your tail...

if i bust a load of acid super mighty spider daredevil jizz in your eyes, will you go blind? - T-Bonez
i'm thinking the answer is yes... but just in case... i'm going to say no

How long do you reckon it hurts before you die when you get your head chopped off? FartMonkey
a few seconds maybe... no more then 5 minutes

why is my sister being such a fucking bitch? - SiNiSTaR
well some people are good at that sort of thing...

This stupid floor lamp won't fit anywhere! Should I mangle it or get rid of it? FartMonkey
why do both of course!

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