My friend tried to set me up with a friend of her friend's, out of the blue, and for three weeks I did not call or e-mail this person and now I did and I wish that I didn't now that I've only had to wait one day so far for a reply. I hate this shit. My friend "meant well" but, I take it as her and her friend idiotically amusing themselves with the idea that other people have crotches in their pants, and could possibly be joined at these parts for their bored and married, personal amusement. When it seems that everybody in my life, including my best friends, are painfully inane, I crawl up, like a sick and shameless user, to the keyboard and turn to you, sock-monkey, for arbitrary guidance. So, tell me, do you think that I am entitled to slaughter my friend and her friend and possibly, even, her friend wildly with a cleaver for involving me in their schemes? People say, "Oh listen, it's okay if you're not interested," after they've just hammered into you about "opportunities" and told you that they've already told the other person about you and everybody is expecting your fucken call. It's not okay. Since when has anything like that sincerely been so simple? Neurosis is the golden mean of humanity. What if slaughtering my friends isn't so easy? What if they're large and their skin is tough? I could easily break into a sweat dismembering them for disposal. Then what? Or if I start getting sentimental while I'm scooping out their eyes with whatever's handy, like a garlic press or a melon baller? Would you help me? All you would have to do is mix the drinks and wipe a towel across my brow. I like fruity drinks, daquiris and margaritas. I'll pay for the tequila or whatever, just keep me focused until the bodies are in the river, or the desert, wherever you think is best.
sure thing... and friends can be like that if you don't tell them NOT to ever ever again... people like to play with other peoples lives... either they're doing it because they're bored with their own lives or they are doing it because they think you'll get something good out of it... either way it is annoying... so i'll pour you all the drinks you want and we'll throw things at my neighbors

would u kiss my butt?
hell no but you can kiss mine

What would it take to convince you to come and visit me?
lots of money... some presents and some food

Can I drive your purple-rayed sofa, just down the little street up to the cemetery gates? I think the crows would be really impressed. We could even tie my piano to the back of it, fill it with a couple of bags of ice and some treats, and use it like a trunk with a cooler for the couch/car. We have to have a cooler because it's been hot here, and we don't want the Whoppers to melt. Not the hamburger kind, the malted chocolate kind. Excellent chaser for the fungus required on such missions. Already, there's been fifteen disciples of the All-Seeing -Eye and their moth-eaten, committee women prowling about with their rubber, butcher gloves and filthy, little piles of petunias and geraniums, looking to cement their rape of the land and decorate it with fucking pinwheels and flags. Any spontaneous intelligence reports on your end? Oh, and can you bring some cantaloupe and a couple of folding chairs? It might take a while to drive out the whole parade of bankers, conspirators and other republican warlocks, and we might want to sit down. And no, we can't just drive the couch right into the cemetery because they have it chained off. We'll have to carry our weapons in, or get some horses or something, maybe a donkey.
i already ate the cantaloupe and i guess i wasn't supposed to eat it all at once but it tasted so good and the only real report i have is that the cat keeps sneezing... the trip down the street was ok and funny enough there really is a cemetary there and kitty and jim are there

if you're a virgin and you get raped by a sock monkey... are you still a virgin?
no because you were raped by the sock monkey but sock monkeys don't do that and never will... anyone who does should be raped up the ass with 2x4 that has rusty nails sticking out of it

DC, this is FartMonkey. I feel it necessary to tell you this. Recently I have been just going about my business when there is a strange light and I am a sock monkey(Normally I am human). This soon wears off and I return to normal. But this is happening more and more often and it lasts longer each time. Also constantly have antihuman thoughts and keep leaving myself post-its such as 'wrap human in blanket, secure with belts, and shove into commercial airplane propellors'. Does this mean that I am becoming a sock monkey?
it means that you are evolving to sock monkey... congrats and enjoy the trip

I am now a nice female sock monkey with fresh stuffing...I am very interested in your tail. I also have a wet trembling pussy...all for you. It was some work giving that cat a bath, i tell you, she nearly clawed my eyes out and I spent the evening sewing myself back together. Only, she has been out of the water for six days and is as wet as the second she came out. I have watched her closely to see if she is secretly going in the pool. Then I realized that it was not a cat at all but a pile of monkey feces blowing in the wind. I am sorry, but I will get you a new kitten! Can you forgive me? FartMonkey
perhaps if you buy me enough gingerale and rub my tail nicely for awhile

I have examined cheese very closely, and as far as I can tell, it consists of cheese. I have obtained similar results with celery. Should I write a book? FartMonkey
i think you should... but be ready to defend your highly controversial ideas with facts and case studies to back you up

There are purple frogs all over the ceiling. They urge me to set fire to things. If I obey they reward me with sugar. Often I find myself carrying a can of gasoline and plane tickets to a distant country and cannot remember the last few days. FartMonkey
get an air brush and paint them red... you will find they become much nicer and reward you with coffee grinds

Sanimal, what's all that noise down th-OH MY GOD SAANMIAL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! THAT WAS MY LAST BASKET OF CHEESE FROM GRANDMOTHER AND NOW SHE'S DEAD!!!!I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND STICK IT ON THE TOP OF MY CHIMNEY AND AS FOR YOUR TESTICLES, WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE T-Oh, it's only you , DC. Sorry! The shadows made you look twisted and grotesque..now the light is back and I must say you are quite handsome. Carry on! FartMonkey
this isn't ask sanimal so go away

If train A leaves three minutes before train B, going 60 mph faster, and somewhere in Antarctica someone is playing a Wayne Newton record, and there is a full moon which causes werewolves, but only in months whose name contains a Z, and the only thing keeping you alive is crumbs from cookies you had in your pockets last year that you stole from that old lady that throws onions, and you divide the sum by X, nobody really gives a rat's ass, do they? FartMonkey
they pretend to but ultimately the answer is no

I was reading a story about this girl that got horny during class so she took a test tube (I guess it was science) and stuck it up her pussy and she was about to orgasm and she saw the teacher coming and she snapped her legs together which caused the test tube to break and she had to go to the hospital and get her vagina sewed back up because there was glass up her pussy and she was screaming and bleeding in class and she had to explain to the teacher. Wouldn't that absolutely positivlely suck? Consider adding that to the list of things that suck?FartMonkey
yes it would suck and let's hope she hurt herself badly enough not to produce stupid children

ever stuck your phone up your ass and put it on vibrate?
no i haven't

so whats your story?
if i told you then you'd tell everyone and then that would suck

is Hoyt really a name?
sure... so is Xansia

How come the moon is full and all this green cheese is just sitting around here, not shining down on me from the sky? It's like seeing Santa Claus in different department stores as a child , and then trying to resolve that shit. I'm tired of the mind games!
well being human is all about mind games so either deal with it or get some puppets to take your rage out on

i clean my glasses everynight before i go to bed, and when i wake up, there is dirty stuff in the corners of them, although my glasses are round. can you help me clean them right so they wont get as dirty as my grandmas 3rd nipple?
you have to leave them soaking in the toilet but be sure to remember that during nightly pisses

i opened my bag of doritos, and there was this little packet in there next to the chips. i opened the packet, and to my surprise, i had one a dollar. have you ever found a dollar in your doritos?
no i haven't but then again no one brings me doritos... so that is your job now... where are my doritos bitch?

at what age will my penis start growing? im still in my early teens, but it is small.
try rubbing it... it will probably get a bit bigger

i walked in my mothers room and she was stripping in front of the ice cream man. is this normal behavior for a 37 year old women, that is still married?
sure why not... everyone needs to cool down with the ice cream man every once in awhile

what age did you lose your virinity?
16

my friend got with this girl, and she let him finger her, but when he went to finger her, he missed the hole. after she told him where it was. dont you think that is funny?
sad more then funny

can i buy a domain, and name it theinsanedomain.net?
you could but some other fuckup already has it and it sucks

will you have sex with my 9 year old brother? i already have, so i can tell you its REAL nice.
hell no

Fuck it all. Kill me. Kill me now. Please? - Fido Dido
i told you... i need the proper paperwork filled out in triplicate and sent to my lawyer

Why do people feel the need to call me they're sweet bucket of corn love and proceed to sodomize me with corn and cover my body with cunt juice? -Butter Lumpkins
i'm not sure... is it that you like it and let them do it for free?

could you kill me?
see the question before the one above

There was a man name Bruce whose name just happened to be Carl and he had a cow but we found him with a horse and the cow was there and that was the first time he ever won a race, he crossed the finish line and the crowd cheered and he opened fire on peter pan who killed my granny's sister Elwood the cat. -Jimmy
this isn't a question so shut up jimmy

Do you do any sort of live performances where you live? I would like to see you and your associates put on some sort of show--music, comedy, drama, avante garde, whatever. I see that you have some music but, I haven't got around to waiting for my slow-ass computer to download it yet.
well whenever i go out there seems to be a 'live performance' thing that seems to happen... but offically no and if you would like to see that kinda thing then please send us money for a new server and to cover our bandwidth charges... we do have video but can't do anything with it yet... and the demodemons is the stuff that is the most insane but you will probably hate it because it's insane

What do you want for your birthday?
playstation 2 with grand theft auto 3... um.... some dvds... um... spawn comic books... um... some books

Have you ever studied a martial art? I see that you have The Art of War on the reading list. Have you ever read Bruce Lee's "The Tao of Jeet Kun Do"?
no i haven't actually but i will be at some point hopefully... and no i haven't read bruce lee's book but i will put it on my list of books to read

SiNiSTaR asked you about 5 lire. yes, lire is italian currency, but the smallest you can get is 50 lire, which is about 2.5 cents. if you accept lire, then will you accept the indonesian rupee (115 000 rupee equal 1 american dollar). please? - Foetish
ok as long as the <insert currency here> equals 5 canadian dollars then i will take it... and don't think i won't check to make sure

in the lyrics to "asshole" by denis leary, it mentions "John Wayne", "Lee Marvin", and someone else. who is Lee Marvin, what did/does he do, who is the someone else, what did/does he do, and do you reckon that one day i'll finally get my scanner to stop thinking? - Foetish
i don't know actually but i'm sure that someone like empriss nikon will icq me and tell me what it means so i'll feel smarter

Oh where oh where has my little dog gone? Oh where oh where can he be?
i saw him being taken away by a large bee and it looked PISSED

Why is it that if I were to say to Bob, "Bob, you are a real wise man," it would be a compliment, but if I said "Bob, you are a real wise guy," it would be an insult? Not that people actually take this statement as an insult anymore, but still?
it's all in the ennuciation of the word 'wise' and your facial expression... if done correctly you could say it without having the "Bob" getting offended

Where do babys come from?
mostly from stupid people

If I go up to my fish tank and scream "YOU LITTLE SUCKERS HAVE TO STAY IN THERE ALL DAY AND I CAN GO TO THE MOVIES AND I HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL OVER WHETHER YOU CONTINUE TO LIVE, LOSERS!!!HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!", will they fly out of the water, enter my body through my nostrils, and start eating me from the inside out until I am but a pile of skin?
they may try but let's face it... fish are lazy

why are my eyes all watery and my vision blurry? why are there blueish spots on everything...does my sofa have chicken pox or something? - SiNiSTaR
yes it does... run away! run away!

what's that sniffing sound coming from behind me? i'm scared..hold me.. - SiNiSTaR
thats me sniffing you...

how do you 'screw someone with a spoon'? - SiNiSTaR
well instead of using normal human items to put inside each other, you would use a spoon

how can i overcome my inevitable depression once the world cup is over? It always happens... i feel so empty afterwards, like it never happened... *sniff* - SiNiSTaR
oh it happened... just hold tight to the memories

i have nothing against gay people in fact some of them are good friends o' mine, but sometimes...when they show me their gay porn, i feel ill. a guy sucking off another guy and clamping their balls and using a candle to burn them is just too much, wouldn't you agree? why don't they leave me alone... ArGhHh!! - SiNiSTaR
bring along some of your own porn and show them... maybe they'll get the point or just ask them not to show you

oh also, don't you hate the kind of gays who are so loud and bitchy and have arguments in the streets below your window about ripping their best pants, when all you wanna do is sleep goddammit? - SiNiSTaR
i hate anyone who gets loud in the streets by my place like those damn kids who scream and scream and their parents just sit there like it's ok

i think those gays are trying to show everyone they don't care, what do you think? i think they should care JUST a LITTLE bit about how people do not want to hear about their first fuck and how it went..- SiNiSTaR
yell at them to shut up... unless you're in their house in which case you need to leave

this guy stopped me in the streets and asked me why i;m hiding... what does that mean? hiding from what? - SiNiSTaR
don't pretend you don't know

why do i get goosebumps every time i think of you? - SiNiSTaR
it's my tail... go on... it's ok to touch it...

this is serious, how can i stop my sister from being such a bitch? i can't take it anymore and although i would like to, i can't kill her as it is illegal and i don't have a place to hide out and live as a hermit. - SiNiSTaR
make puppets that look like her... slightly change her name to name the puppet... put on plays in your room loud enough for her to hear... do not portray her nicely... then hang the puppet from your ceiling... repeat

don't you think Pinhead from Hellraiser is sexy? All those pins coming outta his head, oh my god they make me very horny - SiNiSTaR
i hate to admit it but i haven't seen hellraiser... but i know what guy you are talking about and it looks cool

when people say 'bull dyke', what exactly do they mean? is it like rosie o'donell or whut? - SiNiSTaR
i don't know and i don't think rosie is as fat as a bull

Given my track record, wouldn't you have thought I'd've come up with another good question by now? - Mzebonga
well yes but that's ok cuz you've had that whole thing with the cats to deal with... i heard you did well and will be able to join me in the cat administration offices once they take over

If I move my arm - like this -and twist my leg -like this - and then wiggle my hips about - a bit like this - do you think my girlfriend will orgasm? - Mzebonga
i think so... but frankly i think she likes it when you use your fingers and mouth a bit more

Ever seen 'Nightmare on Elm Street'? Don't you think thats some scary shit?
bits of it and i thought it was funny

Ever get your tail stuck between the elevator doors?
yes sometimes... and damn that is annoying

Wow! Did you SEE that? What the hell was that??FartMonkey
it was my brain leaving for the weekend

Where does dust come from? FartMonkey
dead humans

Do you feel murderous rage towards people who constantly say "I told you so"? How about "Talk to the hand", "Hands are not for hitting", or "You ####### freak, put that corpse in the river before somebody finds it"?
yes i do

What is weather really caused by? FartMonkey
me and my mood swings

THis isnt a question i just wanted to warn peoples that if you have a realy bad hangover dont catch slugs and shove them up yur ass
you're lucky you mentioned slugs... but damint people ASK QUESTIONS

OOOOHH NOOO ITS GOT ME DC HELP ME JUST AS I HAVE ALWAYS FEARED THE CATS HAVE COME FOR ME WHAT SHOULD I DO DC HELPPPPP
try the slugs up your ass and see if that helps

I write down all the commercials during all the time I am watching tv. Then I hang a chart on the refrigerator showing which kind of commercial is the most common, second common (car, then lawyer, suprised?),etc. Am I crazy yet? Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I am very very against pens so I write this information with my own blood and/or feces.
that is very interesting... be sure to keep on with your project... then take note of the sexist ones... the ones that outright lie... the ones that make up shit like '7 signs of aging' and such shit... which has 'normal' looking people in it instead of toothpicks and jock assholes... i would like to see the results

Do often have the urge to fling your feces at other people? Or do you openly do this? Are you flinging your fecal matter whilst answering this question? FartMonkey
yes i do... sometimes i do do this... and yes of course

Don't you wish that you could trace back all those stupid chain emails that say if you are the true friend of the person that sent it you will send it back and to 10 other people back to the person who started it and tie them up and set them on fire after removing their eyes and various vital organs with tweezers from a swiss army knife? FartMonkey
i would like to stop spam in all it's many forms by doing that to the people who send it

Why does the stem on the cherry blaster candy taste like the main cherry part?-Feckur
it doesn't you just think it does

Why is that comb missing so many teeth? Vista
i broke it for being bitchy

I'm drawing a blank....what should I ask you? Vista
ask me about my dad forcing me to take the one thing i learnt in highschool that i have used almost every day since... typing... yes on those old electric typewriters like my mom still uses... he forced me to take it in grade nine saying i would thank him later... yea so he was right... i took it and got over 90 in it even though i got bored and typed letters about the teacher being a vampire and sucking the life out of us students and one day while typing one she came and yanked the paper out of my typewriter and then yelled at me for what i was writing and demanded an apology repeating in her high voice "THIS ISN'T FUNNY! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"... but damn i do a lot of typing in a day

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
if you laugh real hard does piss come out of yours?

Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
so you can dazzle your pets with your 'magic powers'

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
getting hit with a gun hurts

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
they are LIARS

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
the world would end... cotton candy everywhere would turn orange and all books would be missing page 29

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
shiny

why do you rock my socks?
it's the tail baby

When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their ass?
they feel it... maybe lick it... sniff it...

Ya know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
go somewhere else until it tells you it's ok... or ship it away and have someone open it for you then return it

I've been seeing a lot of sock monkeys lately! Are you trying to take over the Earth or something? (Omuletzu)
yes but only to hand over to the cats

Why are people so greedy? (Omuletzu)
humans suck... they are greedy... inconsiderate... rude... small minded and bad drivers

Is working for an international multi-million dollar Miami-based fast food Burger company deemed a disgrace by your good self? Mr H
not if you spend your pay on antisocial items

Is Khia the girl who sings my neck my back Dead it is a rumor?
hell no... ask the green rock and it will show you the way

Should I fear the hooded figures that gather round my house at night? FartMonkey
yes... yes you should

If you pull your tail up front between your legs can you use it like a penis? FartMonkey
yes have you not seen my porn page?

Please explain why the hell 'head over heels' is a valid expression? If I am built like everyone else, my heels are down there and my head is up here so aren't we all head over heels all the time except possibly freaks doing yoga?FartMonkey
it is due to people being stupid and tumbling into things without thinking... at least that's how i take head over heels... a tumbling into a deep pit sorta thing

I went TO crazy LAND and I ate IT all AND the GUY came OUT and BEAT me WITH a STICK and THEN i ATE him TOO and JUST then I got THIS craving FOR celery WHAT the HELL was THE point OF this STORY ????
there was no point and you get no points for sharing that with us

How did you get to be so fabulous?
its the tail and my cheery outlook on life

How long have you been a vegetarian?
about a year and a half

People suck so hard that the G force of their collective sucking is about to rip my face off and flush it into oblivion. What kind of cream or strap-on restraint do you, personally, recommend to prevent this from happening?
nothing will prevent it... it will just make it take longer... and i use yarn

Do you realize how much joy you bring to my shriveled, little, misanthropic heart? Naturally, only so much fits but, thanks for your contribution.
how about you send me gifts to thank me? or send me little poems about your table... oh no wait that would suck... little poems are annoying

Is it wrong to put a hamster in the microwave? I'm just keeping the little fella warm!!!
yes it is

George W. Bush vs Bill Clinton in a fight. Who would win?
neither they would just yip about fucking nothing cuz both would be too scared to fight...

Where art thou, Romeo? FartMonkey
dead

I believe I am a sock monkey for good. I have been one for 49 hours without any change. My cats seem to like me a lot more this way. Normally they just come for food then wander off for hours. Now they stick close to me. They really are anti-human! I have three of them. Their names are Randy and Cody. Can you foretell their position in the cat-world of the near future? Will my treatment be less horrible in any way since I am a sock monkey and not a human now? FartMonkey
yes they are... sock monkeys are the cats friends so things will be much better

My head came off and started biting me in the ass .Is this normal? FartMonkey
well not really but there's nothing you can do

Do you also feel murderous rage towards people who severely overuse commas? A comma is not necessary between every lousy word!!FartMonkey
yes, i do, though sometimes i wonder, is it all really ok? i'll go hide in the dunes by the seaside

do you like sabby?you know sabby hes that german wrestler who sing constantly and spends all day on the computer?God...he pisses me off...HES the dude that hangs with homestar...
no i don't like wrestling

If you stuff gum up your ass and fart, can you blow a big bubble?
i haven't tried... can YOU?

Why don't you remove the part under the logo , 'Where insanity runs rampant and so can you'? It gives the feel of one of those stupid ameture sites where they are trying so hard to be funny but its not. This is a great site, and I feel that it does not belong? How about 'No sanity beyond this point'?
how about you just stop trying to be bossy... i think you're right so i'll bring it up with jcp but that doesn't mean that you people can start giving us 'tips' all the time

By John said Paul to George Where'd my Ringo?
<sound of me bitch slapping you>

Why does...naah, don't bother, just delete this one, OK? FartMonkey
what? oh yea ok i will

Why is it difficult to urinate after masturbation?FartMonkey
bodies are strange things

Instead of creating a whole lotta pollution and oil spills and all that, why don't they just make a gigantic boat that runs on baking soda like the ones you stumble upon in cereal boxes? FartMonkey
good idea.. you make plans for those kind of ships and then build them and make lots of money

In the page that you go to after submitting a question, there are the four pictures of you. The two on the left are staring to the right and the two to the right are staring to the left. Is there an invisible being in the center that only you can see? FartMonkey
i can't tell you... if you can't see it then you never will

Was that a threat? FartMonkey
yes

To pee, or not to pee? FartMonkey
i say pee but not in the plants...

Why don't you add to your list of people/things that suck: Elvis impersonators- graduation ceremonies wherein you have to wait to clap for your person, whose last name is Zygren-infomercials where they WILL NOT tell you the price-Regis Philbin/the Millionaire show -shelves of decorative boulders crashing down upon you? FartMonkey
how about you send them in once we have my.theinsanedomain.com set up

I know all to well that birds are capable of depositing fecal matter anywhere, but do birds urinate? If they do, where is the evidence? Huh??FartMonkey
they just release their shit.. it contains all their excess stuff but i don't think birds 'drink' like we do to produce urine

Do you wish that this question were not here because you have a headache or a hangover and there are just so many damn questions to answer? Just be a good sock monkey and delete it, huh? That's better.. FartMonkey
there were over a hundred questions to answer... OVER A HUNDRED... my shoulder is sore now

So, when we all get mesmerized by this question and answer pendulum, the cats sneak right up onto the keyboard and trample out the transefer of all human assets to their Liberation Front Treasury and then ASufgewuguiqde49994uuu23u@999999 99 w, righihttrrrrii iigth?, rrr rt!?! he llplp elpp ?
the cats will bury you alive in the kitty litter mines to die a slow death

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Is the future ours to see? FartMonkey
whatever will be... will be...

Dude, where IS my car? FartMonkey
ok i'm going to hunt your sorry ass down and beat you in a non-fun way

Does the monkey head logo signify that sock monkeys do have teeth? Or is that a non-sock monkey? FartMonkey
that is just a crazy monkey not a sock monkey... if you've seen both naked you'll understand

You know how I said that FrogBladder was my sister? Well it was me...I just thought it was stupid, and I greatly preferred Fart Monkey..can you forgive me? Also I just discovered that I got a good question award for the What If, so thanks for that. FartMonkey
so you're lying now? i see how this is... you better clutch that award tight while you sleep

What is the name for the little thing above your lip and below your nose? FartMonkey
flesh

Am I getting warmer or colder?FartMonkey
colder

Why the hell should I keep sucking up to you?You're a fuckin asshole. -Mzebonga
it's the drugs i've secretly been putting in my emails to you... you are addicted and there is no way out

I suspect that my cat Randy is posessed by Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons. What should I do to tell for sure? FartMonkey
ask him

I just realized something, tell me if you agree! Guns do not kill people, you just happen to spontaneously combust when you pull the trigger! Nobody has ever witnessed the effects of firing a gun! Everybody involved combusts! Im way in over my head FartMonkey
yes you are ... i say stick to the jello shapes

What is the purpose of those little things people put on their desks to look smart? Those things with the metal balls that bang against eachother in a rythmic fashion? Are those just there to irritate me? FartMonkey
it is there to distract you from their stupidity... or to distract the stupid from bugging them

There are you happy now?FartMonkey
no i'm getting cranky actually

Can you list all the cuss words for me? The ones I already know are ass, fuck, bitch, damn, bastard, hell sometimes.
no get your own

What would you actually do to sanimal if torture and death was legal? Here, pretend Im sanimal. What would you say? What would you do? FartMonkey
i'd say nothing just slit your throat open and watch as you bled to death... i don't demand anything more

Where shall I go? What shall I do? FartMonkey
go to the bank... get money and send it to me for answering all these questions

Did you know there is this guy who can make detailed sculptures of animals out of chewing gum, using only his teeth and tongue? - SiNiSTaR
sounds like he has found his unique skill

How do you tell someone that they have excessive ear wax? - SiNSTaR
you have to yell it.. otherwise they won't hear you... maybe email them about it

if a person has a hundred piercings in their head/face alone, does that make them a sponge?
no... if they absorb a lot of water quickly then yes

For snail mail, will you accept lots of colored paper and shiny things instead of five dollars? FartMonkey
yes but you won't get anything sent back to you

what should i do when a pervert on the street says to me "wow, what big breasts!"? shall i just walk off, or say something to him? this has happened a few times and once i asked the guy to watch his mouth...was that the right thing to do? - SiNiSTaR
say 'yea... and before the operation i was a man too.' or 'you say that once more and i'll have you charged' or 'shut the fuck up santa i told you i'm not sitting on your knee anymore' or light off fireworks into his face

Well, mister! You have got a LOT of explaining to do! Well? What do you have to say for yourself? And no more of that 'I was under a curse' shit!
the cows told me to do it...

why do people like pigeons so much? i fucking hate them and want them to DIE!!! - SiNiSTaR
i don't know anyone who likes them

Sanimal has not answered questions since May 25. Tell me the truth. I can take it. Is he dead? No?Dammit. PUT THE BEER AWAY GUYS!!! FartMonkey
we're not that lucky... and he doesn't answer them because he sucks

Why? Why? WHY did she cut off their tails with a carving knife? FartMonkey
she is mean

Whats a hymen!
that thing that is there for some reason and then it goes away

Can I rub your tail? Let me rub it and you can have a nice shiny quarter! FartMonkey
yes and send me the quarter

Does deja vu mean you did the exact same thing in some other life? Speaking of former lives, i think its obvious that Al Gore was, at some point, a slab of Formica. FartMonkey
no and he was a small small rock

if you could take the limbs/organs of 5 people to a desert island, what would the organs/limbs be, from who, and why? - Beck
i'd take the organs of vegetarians and eat them

How to make chew sticks for humens ?
it's called chewing gum

Is blood opaque? FartMonkey
i find that it's mostly an illusion... like those things in the skies that shoot stuff but then when it hits you there is nothing and there you are just standing there like a fool

Would you describe some critical disappointments in life that led to your current level of Mastery in Despair?
well my birth was particularily disappointing... i was expecting more somehow... then there was school and humans just suck so that was a let down... then i moved out and that's fine but there's all this cleaning to be done... i mean who has time to do dishes more then once a month?

Why does everything take so stinking long to load? FartMonkey
well that all depends... perhaps your brain processes things slower then you'd like... perhaps your internet connection sucks... perhaps you're downloading large pages like some of those at this site... either way i say you get some socks that can show you 'the way'

Please explain how you vomit and what causes it, excluding the sight of Britney Spears, Sanimal, etc. FartMonkey
well everything just sorta seizes up and shoots out anything in me that shouldn't be... the main cause of this would be alcohol... besides this stress can cause it... bad cheese... cat food...

How come I got so many stinky monkey ass awards? FartMonkey
well you see when a bunch of questions are asked and a bunch of them suck you tend to get those awards... i mean i had to sit there for over a fucking hour answering them so you just deal with it

On the link to this part of the site it says "go to the form and ask away until your keyboard breaks..." Don't you mean forum?
no i mean the form in which you fill out... a forum would mean that i let you people post directly

What's my real name? - Waxter
halkor

Why is it that sports personalities are always put on those stupid ads? It's so annoying! I mean, sure, they may be great at what they do, and whatching them play football or tennis or whatever may be a good passtime, but do they really have to be broadcast all around the world endorsing stupid products in stupid ads? Why can't we keep people in the feild they specialise in? - Waxter
they sell out to the highest bidder... they are commercial whores and i say boycot those companies...

if there was a man who lived in a shoe, how big would the shoe be? -Bearded-
well that all depends on how large the man was, how much stuff he had... if he had a lot of money to afford an expensive shoe... either way i think solar power is the way to go

do you like me? -Bearded-
well i'm not a fan of beards so i'd say no

i know im new. but there's something about you that just makes me come back. it's like pickled ginger. -Bearded-
this isn't a question... since you're new i'll help you out... in this section of the website you ask questions and i answer them... in other parts you just sit there and read... other parts you can look at things while touching yourself... either way there is a lot of red and black... now next time you have no reason not to ask a question

why is it some people dont open their eyes fully? they sort of have this half-open, half-closed look. doesn't that scare you a little? -Bearded-
sometimes... other times i slap them and scream "you damn maylar! get off this planet!" and since i've foiled their plans (they say 'damn sock monkey... foiled my plans.') they shoot off into space with my umbrella and so i stand there in the rain getting soaked

when will we ever stop seeking knowledge? -Bearded-
many people never start this search... but hopefully i won't stop until i'm dead... there is no point if you're not learning anything

why is it that rabbit poop smells worse than chicken poop?-Bearded-
rabbits eat better stuff... chickens are fed really nasty things (then you eat them and eat it too) but anyways rabbits do it on purpose to piss you off

if you are constantly hanging around people who are seemingly insane, does that make you insane too? -Bearded-
no that makes you the designated sane person who is responsible for bringing enough underwear for everyone

how do you cure an hungover cow? i meant a hungover cow...-bearded-
well cows don't get drunk... but for those that are posing as cows... i'd suggest a toothpick

how many sock monkeys are there on earth now? -Bearded-
i can't tell you that... partly because i don't want to and partly because of that offensive yellow color in that painting over the couch

if there are three pom pom girls dancing outside my room, does that mean that your last night with me has side effects? -Bearded-
yes of course... that and the sofa cushions that seem to be hovering by your door

do you have anything against gay people?
i have something against everyone in general... but no specific 'anything' towards gay people... for those that haven't noticed this about me... i dislike humans... i don't care what body color they are... what crap that goes on in their heads or anything unless they inflict it upon me in some way... i find individual reasons to hate individual people...

I'm out of toothpaste. Is it socially acceptable to use ground up Mentos as a tooth-care substitute? -Skittles
well i haven't asked anyone that to see if it's socially acceptable but society sucks so do what you want... but don't buy mentos their commercials make me want to hurt myself... find another mint

If you could rape anyone on this planet, and not get found out... A) would you rape anyone? and 2) if so, who would you rape? - Fido Dido
no i wouldn't i think rape is among the highest degrees of stupidity for humanity... anyone who does rape should be tortured slowly to death... there are billions of people on the planet and i'm sure that there is SOMEONE out there willing to fuck you instead of forcing someone

I asked you more questions than that... This damn form keeps eating my questions... Or is it that you just don't like me? - Fido Dido
perhaps you're not asking questions? perhaps you're not typing them in properly? why not just type a bunch in at once... just add - Fido Dido to the end of each one...

What are dog fart sluts?
i'm not sure but i'm sure it wouldn't smell very good

Those Sock Monkey Stories.. they bring a tear to my eye... I think I'm gonna cry now.. can I have a hug? - Fido Dido
ok but don't be touching my tail unless i say it's ok to

What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me? - BPD
well if you like the dolphin then go ahead... but otherwise i'd suggest using the 'let's be just friends' speach

How do you describe colors to a blind man?
you can't if he has been blind since birth... or if he doesn't have recollection of ever seeing them

is blowing your load on a womans face nesseccery? even if she doesnt know its coming.....lol?
if she doesn't mind then why should you? perhaps she doesn't want it in her mouth...

If you had a choice to either 1: kill all of your enimies or 2: Horribly embarrass them infront of a crowd whitch would you choose?
to truly satisfy me i'd want their existance removed... but if forced to choose i'd choose death...

who do drive thru windows at banks have briale on the buttons? And dont say so they can walk thru cuz ive never seen a person walk up to the bank window. not a blind man any ways
i have answered this before... and i know everyone thinks this is a witty question but let's face it... the 'drive through bank makers' just make these things for the majority of it's use and that would be those that you walk to... and since they are being correct in having braille on it that is how the buttons are made... so why would they take the extra time and money to NOT have them on some of them? it just wouldn't be cost effective...

how come there is a page for good questions? us manic depressive fish who constantly get monkey butt awards deserve some credit. i think u should make a page with just monkey butt awards. and put this question on top.
if you send me money to answer your stupid questions then i will... but i am not going to give you people who get stinky butt awards a special page... those questions suck enough as it is

my leprauchan wants to meet you. he says he likes sock monkeys. do u want my leprauchan?
well i'd have to meet it first...

What are the vaguely round-shaped red marshmallows in Lucky Charms supposed to be? FartMonkey
i think they are balloons? i have no idea cuz i don't eat that shit... ever since that whole 'yellow moon' incident things just haven't been the same between us

Do you know SG* aka Sex God?
no i don't

What ever happend to Vanilla Ice? - BPD
no idea.. probably off thinking 'damn i shouldn't have spent all my money on bullshit cuz i was a one hit wonder and i'll never see that kinda money again'

Why do I hate children, and people in general?
children are annoying because they are brought up by people in general and those people generally suck

why are we here almighty sock monkey??morbidly_psychotic
to live then die...

it's 12:29am on technically monday (by 29mins).. what do i watch on tv? -Miss Roger's Sweater
voyager... undergrads... quads... whatever is on

I keep forgetting to come here and ask you questions.. is my memory failing me cuz of my old age? - Miss Roger's Sweater
yes it is... and you've grown tired of my tail haven't you... just because i let you touch it too much.. i knew this would happen

McDiablo is back from her trip.. how cool is that? - Miss Roger's Sweater
cool but would be very cool if you gave me some ice cream

I just looked to my left.. there's a slurpee cup with melted slurpee in it and in front of it is a bottle of tacky glue.. which do i drink? - Slur-peed Kid
if the tacky glue is chilled then i'd go for that... if not i say you mix them together

i'm building a (actual size) guitar out of popsicle sticks.. is it about time for me to get out of the house and finally find myself a job? - Miss Roger's Sweater
i would have to say yes... but only to finance your guitar making hobby

why is it my car is making funny noises? -Bearded-
turn down the damn stereo

what kind of jobs have you had?
factory... IT office job... computer retail store manager... accounting... website designer... technical support

do all birds have feathers? -Bearded-
no but some feathers somehow find birds and poke into them

if one day i woke up and i was no longer the person i was and have no idea who i will be, what does that make me and how will i ever find out? -Bearded-
you will always be you and just adapt when the body changes... i was a daisy for a week once

why is it when it comes to a point where i'd have to choose to feel depressed or feel happy i choose depression? is it because it's so much easier to feel sad and involves much more effort to be perky? -Bearded-
it's easier to do nothing then something... and if you're not perky then fine don't fake it... i say you send me some money... maybe a few stories and we'll both feel better but not 'normal' cuz 'normal' sucks

Have you ever been to the land of the Lampoolachunks? Mr H.
no but i've heard good things

If North is South and East is West and West is East and South is North..what is 2+2? Richard
it's a cooler full of stinky water from a camping trip taken a few weeks ago

What is THAT? Richard
it's that thing i did that one time but it didn't work out so i slapped some black paint on it

Are you a Mr. Darcy or a Mr. Collins? Richard
i have no idea what you're talking about but i'm a dc the sock monkey

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a...?????????? Richard
it's a cloud.. i'm not going through this again with you...

Why do I have a headache? Where is the Advil? McDiablo
it's all those books you've been 'scratching and sniffing'... and i ate them

Who's on first? What's on second? I Don't know is on third?? McDiablo
i say everyone should get the hell off the field... start a bake sale or something useful

What is that flashing orange thing at the bottom of my screen? Aliens? Bill Gates spying on me?? McDiablo
a bit of both actually

Do you enjoy rasberries or any delisous fruits? If so, do you enjoy them frozen, dry, juicy, wet, smushed, gooey or hard? I enjoy mine wet and juicy and sometimes frozen...;)-kkkkeeelllllyyyy
i like raspberries... strawberries.. peaches... some oranges... pineapple... cantaloupe and honeydew melons are good... watermellons... fresh of course for all... i can handle blueberries only if they are baked into muffins or something... i like green seedless grapes but hate the purple grapes... frozen bannanas are ok...

Are shoes really just a cast of dead frozen peoples feet? and each 'shoe making place' has one dead frozen person for each size? If so, Do you know any place i could give my body to after im dead...please, Im a very strong beliver that feet should be hiden from the world... hideous things...-kkkeleeelkeleklYY
yes they are and simply fill out the proper information the next time you get your liscene renewed (or when you get it depending on your age)

Why must my butt jiggle so loudly?actually, why must my butt jiggle at all?????-GooChy
well if you stopped wearing those bell outfits then the jiggling would be less loud... and if you don't like it bike everywhere instead of walking...

If you are infact a demons child.. Does that mean satan is an sockmonkey? (sorry if you have recieved this question before.. best i could think of...please dont shout at me...)-kkkkellekelkYY
no because i'd have to believe in a god to believe in a devil... and it's just a nickname of course... my real name is 'Ruler of the Sock Monkey Tribe from planet 2821'

Have you gotten a death threat in your snail mail yet? If so, I'd take it serious..If i were yOU!~!!!!hhahahahrhahharshghahHAGFHHEHAHFhrhAAHAHA..HWAW..ooo
no i haven't and i checked today... you might want to send another one

dont i have the most cutest laugh?
i'm going to go with no

you know any GOOF sites?
no idea what you're talking about

How was your Canada Day?-Feckur
it was hot... i sweated a whole lot for my country

Ever been employed?-Feckur
yes and i currently am employeed

What about me? Sally
what about you? oh i see.. here i'm sorry i didn't notice your glass was empty

I'm one of the lucky ones ,I got out right? Sally
of course... escape is not for everyone

Do you have a girlfriend yet?
do stalkers count? if so then yes

You lost your virginity at 16 are you mad?
i wasn't at the time... and i'm ok with it now so no... no madness here

Hows my sweetheart ana going? Tell ana her aussie pussycat friends angelina and jengo are great and are always upto mischief. Also when is ana doing another photoshoot and has she been up to any mischief? Sally
ana is laying in the sun at the moment on her back... she is asleep and very happy... she was ripping up tissue paper the other day... went out on the porch for awhile... general cat things... bitched at me... when she wakes i will inform her about your cats... she is jealous because they have a big home to run around in while she's in an apartment! perhaps she will do a photoshoot soon... i will be sure to send you any pictures from it even if it doesn't go online

Do you take money orders for the insane snail mail?
of course

was it wrong of me to laugh when i watched the exorcist? all my friends looked at me like i was nuts, i'm sorry i do not find it scary i just think it's funny, what with all the jesus-fucking and pissing and vomiting... - SiNiSTaR
no if you thought it was funny then laugh... it was funny

you know, i checked out those 'hanz files' MP3s and i must say there's at least i don't know, 2 or 3 songs that sound the same, and then i can barely hear what the fuckers are saying! all i heard was 'you're a bastard, you're a bastard'. what's the fucking deal here? - SiNiSTaR
haha it's INSANITY... each time you listen you'll hear something you didn't before and go 'what the fuck?'

aahhh..i...ahhh i am ehh hee hee i'm going crazeee...hee...i need ahh...i need football... where's the fucking FA cup... shiitt...where's the freaking spanish football... feed me...feed...ahh, feed me. Please? - SiNiSTaR
there is no such thing as Kroslarsriwels

any good books you can recommend? I am in the mood for some reading, baby. - SiNiSTaR
well i've been reading DUNE but beyond that then anything asimov wrote if you like scifi.... douglas adams always rocks

what shall i eat for dinner? i can't think of anything and i am not too hungry i just dont wanna wake up in the middle of the night with a hankering for a hot tub or something... - SiNiSTaR
i want pizza damnit... and one of those kiddie pools in my livingroom so i can sit in it while i watch tv and have my pizza

What do you do if you can't laugh with or at them, because they have absolutely no discernable sense of humor, not even a shitty, simple one that a young adolescent might have or a vegetative scrap of one that might be found in a greeting card, --and you work with them, and quitting your job isn't immediately realistic? I could laugh "at" them at first but, really, it's just not funny anymore.
get a different job... then you don't have to deal with those people... if not then start using a puppet to talk to them... they'll leave you alone then

what if you are truly insane to the point where you can't read your rules? some bitch
well then i'd be too busy chewing on the keys from my keyboard to care

what is the meaning of life? some bitch
to live and die... and of course... 42

will you give me directions to your house? some bitch
ask that chick that follows me all the time

cn two men's cocks enter a pussy at the same time and explode to gether?
i'm sure it's been done

What did you do this past Canada Day? McDiablo
sweated... hung out with some people... sweated

Miss Roger's Sweater and I are up at 9am...this is a normal occurance for me, but for her it's tough. What should I do to wake her up? McDiablo
coffee... a bitch slap... a puppet show... a stirring rendition of 'twinkle twinkle little star'

I am going on a hike today. Seeing that I don't enjoy hiking all that much, what can I do to take my mind off of it? McDiablo
get something to distract you... like beer or pot and just enjoy being drunk or high while tumbling over rocks and into trees

Why is Aunt Flo such a bitch?? McDiablo
just be happy she only visits once a month

The next 20 hours from when? - Mzebonga
from when i typed it.. but since you don't know when that was it's great cuz there is no way to verify that information in any usuable way... why not just say 'to be updated soon'? or something... well that would be too easy now wouldn't it

Do you like orgy?i like orgy...
yes actually

Does your tail turn you on?it turn me and lotsa people on..hehehe
yes it does and you can touch it if you'd like

How long can you play with your balls for?
well that all depends on what type of balls i'm playing with... those big bouncy ones are amusing for awhile while those small super bouncy ones are kind of annoying and i can't resist just whipping them at someone

if a girl walked up to you on mainstreet threw you down and started fucking you would you yell rape???
no i'd pry her off of me... ask her a few questions to determine if she's diseased or not and then decide what to do from there... i'd let her rub my tail for sure though

Well my cats have done a photo shoot and when I get them delveloped would you like to see them? Sally
sure your cats are cool

I just wanted to let Bearded know that we all have this obsession with DC but he can get over it with lots of help from red jubies and being tied to chair, right DC?Sally
of course... oh and some tv shows on ways the world will end

Do you know who your stalker is? Its not me honest. Sally
well i know of one of them...

where's my hand?SG*
down your pants and that's ok with me

Are you ready for the riots and the looting?
i've always been ready but i'd be getting rid of stuff instead of looting...

I didn't ask the orgiganal Orgy question, but you so rock for likeing Orgy, they're my favorite. What's you'r favorite Orgy song? -Sparkle Pixie
hmmm i don't know but right now Eva is playing... i like that song

I hate Deadsy or however the fuck they spell their name (Fun fact: I'm drunk weeeeeeeeeeeee). They sound like Orgy but with fuckin crappy lyrics. I hate it when bands turn origelality into a formula. what do you think of them? - Sparkle Pixie (ps: I sooo can't spell right now)
i had a few of their mp3s but deleted them... i don't like them

well actually i don't have a beard. so now do you like me? -Bearded-
if you rub my tail and promise not to grow a beard then yes

i heard this question before and i was stumped. will you answer it seriously? please? "if ignorence is bliss, then why do we seek knowledge?"
well it's not truly bliss... humans are curious by nature and bliss can be quickly turned into hell...

How do I get the Siamese cat to stop howling at my cat from outside at 7 in the morning?
well my parents put their cats in the laundry room at night (with blankets, kitty litter, water/food dish, nightlight) so that they don't run around or cry at night... perhaps you should try that... siamese cat cries are LOUD and annoying...

I know lotsa people w/ blue eyes. i HATE them all. Why??????? some bitch
its the smell

do you have any brothers? what are their names? some bitch
i have herbert... and a few other brothers and sisters...

i cut my hand with a piece of glass and i couldn't stop looking at it until it stopped bleeding. Why do I have an obbsession w/ blood? what should I do about it? some bitch
it's the cool red color... i say collect it in a jar and seal it up so you can always look at it

Why are there so many anti-depressants for sale on TV?
they are trying to convince you that everyone should be happy and instead of making changes in your life you can just pop a pill and somehow that is different then taking pot or some other drug because it comes in a nice little package... only those with chemical inbalances should be taking that stuff... the rest of the population taking that should FIX their problems instead of just hiding the symptoms with chemicals

Why does dried blood look like chocolate milk? -Sammy
i'm not aware of it doing that

Do you agree with this? "Only stupid people breed, because they have nothing better to do." Because it REALLY seems to be the case, at least around here with the stupid little kids always running around...
not ONLY stupid people breed but MOST stupid people do the breeding... they do it because they don't think that maybe they should have their life in order or have something to offer the kids before breeding... don't get me started on this because MOSTLY the wrong people are breeding and don't treat their kids right then wonder why 'society' is going to hell

i want to kill my cousin. should i be worried about my mental health? or should i only be worried when i actually kill him? some bitch
i say just ignore/avoid until it's too much... i'd be worried when all the paintings you see start to look like him

can you please send me a e-mail with picture of you bottum
hell no look at it here

If you can't beat them, but don't want to join them, what should you do? - Waxter
leave them in a pool of lava

When heading towards or out of a seat at a stadium or cinema, is it proper to walk past the other people presenting to them your crotch or your ass? - Waxter
depends on how cute they are and if they look 'receptive'... i slap everyone's face with my tail

Have you or any other sock monkey had their tail cut off and had to sew it back on?And how?-Skittles
yes my brother herbert did but he's ok now

when will khia lyrics for her album "thugmisses" be available ?
next week but then again i'm lying

why hasn't T.I. made a video yet ?
who what? nevermind i don't care

They're quick, but am I much faster? McDiablo
mostly except for that time you were having issues with gravity

The Warped Tour message board is down. I am absolutely addicted to that board...what should I do now? McDiablo
i say you write stories about your time with the board and read this site until it's back online

Speaking of Warped Tour, I was planning on wearing clothes to it...should I go for it or just go without wearing any? McDiablo
well make sure you wear underwear... CLEAN underwear or your mom will be terribly embarrased if you get in an accident

You and Kermit were getting down and maybe even dirty in those pictures...are you guys just friends? McDiablo
yes we're just fuck friends... he's easy and green

Wouldn't it be Loverly?
oh ever so

Promoting insaity appears to be a satisfying occupation; however, one wonders if you would find it more rewarding too apply your richly developed B.Sing skills in the field of politics? - Richard
politics is too insane and contains mostly lies... i prefer to stay away... however if you vote for me i'll send you a cookie

Truth or Dare? - R
truth... at least that way i won't end up naked in the streets singing 'for he's a jolly good fellow'

What do you think of the show "trading spaces"?-Berpee
as if i know what you're talking about... but if i did then i'd say that doug is a stupid fuck and i'd kill him if he even got close to my place...

What movie should i watch tonight? Any suggestions?-Berpee
pick from some of the movies listed here

why are kids run-on batteries?
if you stop feeding them they stop

Why is that if you sleep from 5am-10am people who sleep from 10pm-8am think you're lazy if they're lazy?
i don't know... everyone has different schedules and i say you tell those people to shut the hell up

whats ur favorite band? whats ur least favorite band...and would you sadisticly remove thier hearts if you could...speaking of nsnyc...
hmmm... favorite is hard to choose... my favorite vocalist is mike patton... i guess mr bungle is my favorite band... and since brittney and nsync don't count as bands because they play no instruments i would have to say that i dislike oasis the most... they should die screaming with sharp objects in their heads

my name is peace this is my hour, can i get just a little bit of power? - SiNiSTaR
um no enough of that

little brother, can you hear me? have a heart oh come get near me, misery is not my friend but i break before i bend. what i see is insanity. whatever happened to humanity? whatever happened to humanity? whatever happened to humanity? - SiNiSTaR
enough with whatever lyrics you're ripping off

what colour contacts would be cool? i don't wanna get anything too boring like blue or brown but i don't want anything too freakish like this neon green a guy i know wears... - SiNiSTaR
red is cool... or black... or a dark orange... better yet send your money to me

almighty DC... HAHAH!!! that made me fuckin' laugh.. but seriously, don't you think the sentence "woah, this shit is messed up son" is funny? - SiNiSTaR
no i don't actually

This isn't a juicy question but why does sound come out of your nose when you hum? Try this, hum while pinching your nostrils closed. You'll hear yourself humming for about a second. Then suddenly, Whammo.. The noise hits your closed nostrils. It goes back through your nose and whether or not it makes it past your throat depends on how well your nose hairs can keep sound from traveling. So if someone told you that they ate a song don't call them a fat liar because thery're not lying. They hummed every note to the song and it hust went back to their stomache. Instead, just make fun of them for having thin nostril hairs. Do you ever try to match the breathing pattern with the person sleeping next to you?
thanks for that info... and yes sometimes... other times i kick them and tell them to stop it

Iv'e read 2 of your 30 pages. I'm wondering why you allow questions such as "hey dc what's my question?" and rantings about cheese or any other obsessions that were funny in the 6th grade and the sixth grade only on your site. I can't really say that most of the qestions are stupid just that some of the ones I read have as much creativity as something with no creativity at all. I give you props for taking as many stupid questions as you do and then adding a very funny response . How long does it usually take you to come up with answers to our questions? Just for clearification, I'm not asking how long it takes you to respnd but how long, once you've read the question, does it take you to get an answer? Do you ever come up with two answers and don't know which to post? When I argue with myself I just have spitting contests with other people pretending to be my debating self to determine who's right. Anyone who has a spitting contest by themselves has no idea what they're missing. --hasvient
i usually spend a few seconds to a minute on an answer depending on how much of answer i think it deserves... i have indeed let a lot of shit on here but hey... i just type whatever comes into my head at the time right after i read the question...

why do so many people smoke pot? i mean it seems like everybody does it even people you dont think do it? why i think it's gross
i don't see a problem with it as long as people don't let it control their lives... same goes for drinking... if you choose not to then fine... if someone chooses to then fine... i'm more concerned with those doing hardcore shit like coke and herion cuz that can kill you... hell even smoking tobacco is worse

I wish you were a cigarette so I could puff on your butt and know one would notice. Is this a good thing to say to a very HOT girl to get her to talk to you? LubisKo
no cuz cigarettes suck... although being addicted to a hot chicks ass isn't that bad

Does everyone need a mother fucker? LubisKo
sometimes yes

Britany Spears, rope, car trunk, per dug hole, and no witnesses, need I say more? LubisKo
just tell me where and when

What does it mean when you go to piss and spiders come out instead of piss? LubisKo
it means something has gone horribly wrong

Why is it that sane people think that there better than use? LubisKo
they are stupid

Who do you think is the sexiest women ever? LubisKo
i don't know one to name but any chick who is smart, funny and doesn't do normal chick stuff like shopping, plaster on makeup and shit like that

Are you having a good day, week, month, year, decade? If not then why? If you dont want to tell me why in a public place, then you can email me at givemeallyourmoney@greedyfuckers.com and give me all your money because im sure you know that the love of money is the root of all evil and evil is why you maybe having a bad time lately and I like you to much to see you not doing good. Brought to you by your friends at Greedyfuckers.com -Lubisko
good day, ok week, ok month, shitty year, strange decade... and no YOU give me all YOUR money

I know its OK with you if I give you all my money, but is it OK with me? LubisKo
yes it is

Do I as to many questions? LubisKo
you need to improve the quality of your questions.. however i have seen much worse

If I told you liked you for your mind and not your body would you be offended? LubisKo
of course not... as long as you still rubbed my tail

If you had the chance to kill Barney in any way you wanted, how would you do it? LubisKo
i'd strangle the almighty purple pediphile

Is it wrong to kill cats in humorus ways? LubisKo
yes

Can a hermaphrodite be gay? LubisKo
yes

Which bathroom does a hermaphrodite use or do they have to go out back in the alley? LubisKo
well that depends on if they feel more female then male... or more male then female... or they alternate

i am currently watching "kindergarten cop" do i need to get a life? - Miss Roger's Sweater
yes... that is a BAD movie

my new favourite show is Undergrads, why do they keep putting "for better or worse" in their timeslot? - Miss Roger's Sweater
i know undergrads rocks and for better or worse is for middle aged women thinking back on 'the good old days' when they had brats at home

pepsi, mac and a cheese, hot dog, well balanced breakfast? - Miss Roger's Sweater
only if it's NOT kraft mac and cheese and they ARE veggie dogs

Lately i've been tired all the time.. i go to bed late, but i sleep in.. yet i'm still tired... what the heck is wrong with me? -Miss Roger's Sweater
maybe you're oversleeping... and maybe everyone is boring you so tell them to become more amusing

I am fiunally about to put my death to humanity plans into full swing. Should I target males or females first?--InsaneLane
i say alternate so it's done evenly but if you HAVE to choose then kill off the males first

does my retainer look like a clingon warship to you??? ~bobspenistassleholder
yes it does now that you mention it

i heard once that the stars are gods salt and hes just waiting to eat us? is it true? or will the sun get pissed off and eat us first? please i dont wanna die a virgin! Will somebody save us?? ~ bobspenistassleholder
no that is a pile of crap... except for the sun eating us one day.. that WILL happen

Is it wrong that I am drinking Pepsi even though I am a Coke lover? Vista
i say they are pretty much the same thing so forget them both and become addicted to coffee

Does red = sex? Vista
mostly yes

My tummy is making weird noises. What should I do to cure this? Vista
feed it some bread and cheese

If gold rusts, what will iron do? Richard
fly off forever leaving you alone and scared

Whoso list to hunt? Richard
brittney spears... any boy/girl band that doesn't play instruments... those reality show participants and viewers... anyone who thinks that those stupid 'marriage' shows are interesting... anyone who has ever been on jerry springer

Doth God exact day--labour light denied? Richard
what the hell are you going on about?

Between the emotion and the response falls the...........? Richard
thought... but not for everyone

I have been absent from here for a while, have you missed me DC? For a while I had what some people refer to as a "life." Also, where have they moved the articles written by guy with the Q name?--InsaneLane
qbryzan disappeared off the face of the planet and in the meantime we have removed the articles... they will reappear in the my.theinsanedomain.com once it opens and welcome back

If I, or anyone/thing else, destroys humanity, what being will evolve to take the humans place?--InsaneLane
the cats of course!

Where is the fungus amoung us?--InsaneLane
humans ARE the fungus

"How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" - P.K.
if this is all the creativity you can muster then i'd suggest not trying anymore

Considering that you have sucessfully articulated the minipulation of adolecent minds, do you honestly think that you can simply abandon there corupted little thoughts? Surely you do understand that privilage is accompanied by responsibility! Consider, that when a seed is planted, it will not pursumably turn out to be a rose without the compassionate attention of the gardener. Therefore, by abandoning your masses and denying them the rapid answers that the need in order to flourish, how is it that you sleep at night? - Word
well i dream a lot and a whole lot of money to stay home and answer each question as it's asked would help

For a good portion of this past academic year, the three guys that sat behind me in English class have called our teacher Richard. However, his real name is Tim! I approached my teacher inquring if I was abnormally slow and missed a joke. He proceeded to infrom me that he too was rather unsure about the origins of such a nickname. Following this he asked the three guys where such a name for him could have come from. Lacking verbal eloquence they ardently insisted that he simply looked like a 'Richard.' However, I have a curiosity that cannot be satisfied, so I made a commitment with myself that I should seek the turth behind this mystery. First, I took the initative too discover the actual meaning of the name 'Richard.' Astonished, I learned that 'Richard' is German for powerful ruler! Collapsed in hysterics, I also aknowledged that no indeed, this could not be so! Clearly, by appreiciating that my English teacher failed to assume an authoritative position on many issues throughout the year, I became enlightened. Obviously, the reckless behavior of the imature fellows that sat behind me prooved as an equally important revelation. You see, the endured toleration of my teacher in this situation allowed me to conclued that there was no way he was a powerful ruler. Therefore, I developed a theory that those boys where the very epitamy of saterical geniouses! Corroborating this theory is the evidence that they eagerly insisted that he 'looked like a Richard,' because D.C. you and I both know that the element of satire is exercised to promote change. Clearly, considering that he is an English teahcer, he would have to respect the motive of satire, and see that these boys were mocking him, he would then have to change the error in his ways, and therebye issue punishment. Naturally, I have come too realize that such exploration, and active particpation in B.S. is a gift. Therefore, considering that I am now proceeding to university and lack much direction, could you suggest a career where the application of B.S. is respectable?
congrats on finding the truth and i'd suggest going into politics as it is will be able to fully explore your skills... you might even be president or prime minister some day

aren't you getting crosseyed from reading and answering all these goddamn questions? - SiNiSTaR
yes actually ... perhaps i'll have to change a few things

why does 'i' come before 'e' except after 'c'? - SiNiSTaR
it's all lies and the english language is unnecessarily complicated

why do people only seem to call my cell phone when i'm driving? don't they know it's dangerous to drive while talking on the phone, for fuck's sake? - SiNiSTaR
exactly... i say you show them all by shutting it off while in the car

oh yeah, before i forget is it okay to drive and drink then? - SiNiSTaR
whenever you're done driving then drinking is ok

what do i do if i want to contract athlete's foot? any special procedures? - SiNiSTaR
wear the same socks until you get it... hang out with barefeet at local pool locker rooms

what do you call a drink that includes blended frog bits in it? - SiNiSTaR
frogger

do you think you'd have insane voicemail greetings for us in the future? - SiNiSTaR
perhaps... i'll put it on the list of ideas that jcp forces us to keep and then forces us to actually DO

I put three pairs of socks into my drawers.And the next day there were sock monkeys!Is there some kind of sock monkey faerie thing?-Skittles
yes...

"Why so pale and wan, fond lover?/Prithee, why so pale?" - Dick
anyways... we're gonna have another photo shoot for all the sock monkeys...

O mighty DC, when will the results for June's questionairres and what ifs be up? Thankyou for your time, O mighty DC - Fido Dido
they will be up shortly... at the latest on the weekend

DC, I am back I have been gone for a long time yes, I want to move back to Australia where i belong with my new American wife, is this a good decision? - dane
well how about you discuss it with her and then decide

did you miss me while i was gone DC you sock scrotum? - dane
only the scrotum part

I have a pimple thing actually under my eye lid should i go to the doctor to get some medicine? - dane
try 'popping' it first and if you can't then i guess you probably should see a doctor... if it turns out to be something that turns you into a hideious freak and you end up touring with a freak show i would like free tickets

When i move to australia should i give my pet rat to the lady who gave us the bird or one of my new brothers in law? - dane
i say you ask who would like it and then make them fill out essays describing why they should have the rat

have you heard any of mike pattons bands music peeping-tom? - dane
no not yet... i'm waiting !!!

what material is a sock monkey made of ? - dane
well i'd have to say wool socks

are head jobs better then intercoarse ? - dane
it depends on the person doing it and perhaps the head or hand job because the risk of breeding is obviously reduced

i asked yopu what 8=6 was, was that a smart question ? - dane
no it wasn't so i deleted it

when i move back to the best country in tjhe world AUSTRALIA , ha ha, should i rent or put a loan on a house? - dane
loan on a house... and damnit just do it and shut up already

do you FART ! ! ! !, ? - dane
not just now

why arent any of my old questions been put on the good question award page thingy? , you bastard dont you update your site, i expect my question to be there asap or ill eat my own shit- dane
if you didn't get an award then you don't go on that page...

do you like soup? - dane
yes but none with beef or chicken broth in it

Well... what color is the most popular color around sock monkeys?? Jeppy
blue

Why do some people worship Shakespear... no offence to the old guy.. but come on what is so grreat about him? I really want to know.. i mean ya can't be an english teacher without knowing! Jeepy
well it's just a way for people to pretend they are important and some sick freak forced it upon everyone and since then everyone just goes along with it because they can't agree on what to replace it with

Have you ever made socks in to arm warmers? I havn't but I have a feiend who has.. I dont know if she is cool or werid yet, which do you think she is??
no i haven't... and weird IS cool

Do you think it is wrong to have a friend who is becoming a Metal head after she hangs out with people for so long who like punk.. not POP but PUNK.. just so that you get it right.. some asses think Punk is pop but if you add some ooos to pop you get oooooop! which it is.. but is it wrong of her?? Jeepy
punk is fine and so is metal... does it matter what she listens to if she's your friend? no so i say you go buy her stuff and perhaps some metal cds

Why does my friend's computer keep disconnecting on her? McDiablo
well tell her to stop pulling the plug out of the wall and that you don't water computers like plants

Don't you hate it when a family member is in a bad mood? McDiablo
yes but then i just amuse myself with donkey noises

I think Billy Jo Armstrong is calling me a scumbag...when he sings, is he really speaking to me? McDiablo
no idea who you're talking about but the tv tells me that people are sucky to each other and that horses want to kick me in the head

What am I going to do tomorrow? McDiablo
have a cookie... see that show... do that thing...

if i smoke weed with a goat in a boat and a bear in a chair and a monkie with no hair what will happen?
well first of all you're going to have to share with the goat, bear and monkey

who sings that song that goes "im not sick but im not well"? cuz it is a cool song so do you know who sings it?
no i don't... and now the tv is playing a bad song at me like the radio was doing all day

Do you have any conspiracy theories pertaining to the dreadful rash of wildfires across the continent lately? I think that the World Bank and the Vatican and the Cheney/Bush cartel are phasing in their world regime with terrorism and "disasters" so that they can turn the streets over to FEMA and invoke martial law. At least the Freemasons seem to have left my favorite little cemetery, unless they all just mercifully dropped dead from being a pack of crotchety, old, conservative tight-asses.In either case, I'm off to celebrate with the crows.
the crows don't follow me anymore... and stupid people cause stupid things to happen... and nature was here first so sometimes we have to remember that

my aunt made me burn papers all day.. do you think it's some government conspiracy? -Miss Roger's Sweater
of course it is... and the slugs are involved

is pyro-ness a bad thing? - Miss Roger's Sweater
not always

it's been almost a whole day since i've drank carbonated beverages.. i am tempted.. very tempted.. what the heck should i do? -Miss Roger's Sweater
give in or get coffee

I broke a D string on my guitar. that's not as funny as breaking a G string is it? - Miss Roger's Sweater
not really no... its actually kind of disturbing

why is the weatherman ALWAYS wrong? -Miss Roger's Sweater
it's part of the plot to make humans numb with stupidity

Where the hell is my mother? Vista
um... fine i'll send her home

My dad's work was on fire today. Was he the one who started it? Vista
perhaps... it might have been miss rogers sweater though... she likes to burn things

Do all news anchors in the States wear toupees...even the women? Vista
its a specially designed satellite to gather more shocking headlines

If I were to try to pass some nonsense such as "NOOOOOOOOO YOU FOOL THAT'S THE LIQUIFIED CHEESE SPRAY, NOT THE MOSQUITO SPRAY OOOH NO WERE GONNA DIE AND I NEVER MET SANTA AND I NEVER FOUND OUT ABOUT THE DANCING SOCK MONKEY AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN COMPLETELY WORTHLESS!!!ALSO I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHETHER AVACADOS ACTUALLY EXIST OR ARE JUST A HORRIBLE MYTH OOHNNNOO HERE COMES THE SLEEPING GAS SO SLEEPY MUST BURN HOSPITAL..AA"off as an actual question, would you be forced to delete it? If you don't delete it, please don't give me a monkey butt, and this is not reverse phsycology. Or is it?
it depends on my mood but the odds are it'd be deleted... if i was feeling generous then i'd answer with gibberish

Is it true that if you strike a match behind your butt when you fart, it will catch fire? I have an interesting and short story that I recently found in a book all about farts that I own. I am not making this up. If you want me to post it, include the word 'vinegar' in your reply. If you simply delete the question, I will take it as a no.FartMonkey
as far as i know it is true but a stupid thing to do... i don't need it posted here though

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I think its the chicken, do you agree? FartMonkey
i say both are an illusion and if so then what the hell are eggs coming from?

If you were this guy who was planning for years to run away to another country and you met this girl one day whom you really liked, would you talk to this girl, let's say, 2 weeks before you left? - or would you just leave the whatever relationship you guys had just stranded there? - and why? P.S no one knows you're leaving and you were determined from the start to fulfill this plan of yours.. until this girl came into your life.
i would talk to her and say a goodbye of sorts without her KNOWING that it's a goodbye... then follow through on your plan if you really can't take her with you

Don't you ever get tired of answering all these questions? not that it's any of my business, but you do an absolutely wonderful job at it.
yes i do sometimes and thanx... it wouldn't be so long for me if i had time to do it every day instead of every other or every third day but i have to make money at a job so i can afford to continue living and answering these questions.. if you're rich or have rich friends... have them pay me to update this site and their site (or make one for them) and then all will be well

Is dave the best name ever?
no it isn't

do you like jay and silent bob?
yes of course

inside my heart and buried deep there lies a secret that i keep a secret wish that i've composed a secret wish that know one knows.... guess what it is and i'll give you all my money and my autographed copy of the gunslinger. (roland kicks ass!!!!!!)-MARISSA
roland does indeed kick ass so send me the copy and i know your secret but don't feel its my place to tell people about your feather fetish

hey dc how's it hanging( and by that i mean your luscious, oh so sexy tail) i was thinking of getting a t-shirt with theinsanedomain printed on it and a pic of you on the back. do you mind? is that ok? marissa
my tail is doing well and if you put TheInsaneDomain.com on it instead of 'theinsanedomain' then i say please do and send us a pic of it!

my sister keeps listening to some kind of music called "rap". its really annoying and all the lyrics sound like this." yo yo, suckmahdickmofoshootupniggawhatwhatword, bling bling, slapdahoinherasslethersuckitupandslurpitbitch, foo" and i really cant stand it. what can i do to get her to listen to some GOOD music? (serious question, i dont want a dumbass reply)
rap sucks and i say you smash her cds... other then that there is no way unless you begin to listen to it just to annoy her (i don't know if you can stand that) and sing/rap along loudly so she can't help but hate it

Who knew Black Hawk Down had kick ass music? McDiablo
i didn't but then again i haven't seen it

My dad just dropped a plate...what should I do? McDiablo
scream... SCREAM

11 Days till Warped Tour...what should I do to count down? McDiablo
send me some money... make a sculpture of a table... paint a square... grow some mold

Ska music is delightful...don't you agree? McDiablo
no i don't actually... i had to listen to too much of it a few years ago

The only thing in this world that would make me happy would be if I could go back to November 11, 2001 at around 10:00 a.m. He hates me, and now I hate myself. I'd like to slap the sonofabitch. Am I really that pathetic? some bitch
i say get over it and live ... and send me some books cuz i'm done my last one

how many web sites are in the infamous "internet" that we all use?
millions... but this is the only one worth thinking about right now

why do so many people feel the need to publish they're bullshit on the internet?
because they can

What are your ambitions, if any?
to get paid to do this site... to have a TheInsaneDomain.com store in downtown ottawa... to get paid to update peoples website and do copywriting

How often do you bathe?
i don't bathe i shower... i shower every day

When was the last time you felt really inspired,---by what, who, etc..?
um... i don't really remember... i get inspired in ways every week at least... write things down or add to this site... if you're looking for something deeper then that then i'd say that last night with kermit was inspiring... i could barely walk the next day

What is the most subversive thing you have done that you can tell us without being arrested?
well there was that one time i <remainder of entry removed by government officals for use in trial against DC>

Do you ever cry or are you perfectly insulated from the true horror of reality at all times?
i make notes about it all

What was your last dream you remember about?
last night i was in a room walking with schizoid and it was his apartment but some strange people were there so we had to leave and go down the stairs to where there was a bar but it was empty

Are you receiving my telepathic messages yet? If not, I might need to pull out your tooth and have a look at that transmitter.
yes but the voices in my head told me to ignore it

Have you ever played leapfrog with a unicorn?
no not yet... i don't get along well with unicorns

What happens when you put your sock-monkey in the microwave?
i wouldn't do that

When that pixie that lives in my left pre-molar stops telling me to eat my toes, should I continue my Cocaine enduced Sundance or take a scenic route down the golden river to meet Grandad Tiki?
take the scenic route... but don't stop at those 'antique' stores

Are people who need people REALLY the luckiest people in the world? I say it's actually those who can eat peanut butter directly out of the can. FartMonkey
its either those peanut butter people or the people who made that little thing that beeps

Oh, MAN, why did you do that? Now I have to start all over! FartMonkey
i did it to confuse you

The Hives are Law, You are Crime. True or False? True or false? Just generally... - Fido Dido
i don't like this question

I'm fixing my website now. Don't try to post on it for a while. Okay? - Mzebonga
fine but i'm going to cry now

"You gotta understand, that it's just a matter of fact that you gotta attack, gotta get it while you can." Have you heard this song, and do you like the band that wrote it? - Fido Dido
i don't know who did it so i can't respond

Have you ever read any of these books: 1) anything by Orson Scott Card; 2) Brave New World - Aldous Huxley; 3) 1984 - George Orwell; 4) Without Feathers - Woody Allen; 5) any of Spike Milligan's War Diaries ??? They are all most good. - Fish
of course as well as owning some of them, yes i own it, yes a long time ago would like to own it, never heard of it, and no i haven't but it's on my list

DC, I would like to say that your idea for fish on wheels is great!!!! I have been experimenting with it myself for some time, and it works fantastically!! Already me and my fishy friends the Neil the Eel, Ray the Ray and Terence the Axolotl (okay, but you try and find something that rhymes with fucking axolotl !!!) have tried it, and it works like a dream!! Thank you kindly for your concern for the sadly neglected life-forms of the aqueous persuasion. - Fish
why thank you but it's mostly jcp's idea...

Isn't ENders Game by Orson Scott Card the best book ever? and don't you think anyone who hasn't/refuses to read it should have their skin grafted off a sqare inch at a time? -Sparkle Pixie
yes it's a very good book but not the best EVEr... and not everyone can understand that sort of book... all those WORDS... but torture is always fun

When will this now infamous my.theinsanedomain.com be online? -Sparkle Pixie
well we're hoping to beat the end of the world by at least a week...

am i going completely insane (yeah, i wish) i seem to remember reading this stephen king short story where this guy is trapped on a deserted island, and he's a surgeon, and to keep from starving, he starts to eat himself piece by piece... no one knows what i'm talking about. i love that story...do you know what i'm talking about? marissa
i haven't read that one but there are a few stephen kings i haven't read (speaking of him i'm almost done Black House which seriously rocks)...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!-marissa
thanks

Happy birthday, DC...did I ever tell you that you dont' look a day past 25..like Dick Clark? McDiablo
hmmm... but now i'm more then a day past 25...

Should I see a movie that is said to be an 'action packed roller coaster ride'? McDiablo
no it sounds like they're trying to make you get pumped for some shitty movie that is really all about stupid people doing stupid shit that no one cares about

My friends got a slurpee without me. Are you as outraged as I am? McDiablo
damn straight i say you slip some acid into their drinks next time and torment them as they trip out like that one time we did that to someone and then shoved them onto a bus and it took them 9 hours to find their way home again but when they did their hair had been dyed red and had no lenses in their glasses anymore

Why is my mom such a dorky Harry Potter fan? McDiablo
it's the wands... they're so long... but all so different...

is it cool if i have a slurpee in honour of your birthday? (i'm gonna have one anyway) - Miss Roger's Sweater
yes please enjoy it

i burned more papers this morning.. is it bad to burn things when it's almost 30 degrees outside? - Miss Roger's Sweater
no it isn't... it's bad to burn things if it stops being fun

my new guitar strings are thin and feel loose, am i just going nuts or are these some creepy strings? - Miss Roger's Sweater
they are indeed creepy stings... they creep out at night and strangle people

i can almost float! will i ever fully learn to swim? - Miss Roger's Sweater
yes you will but don't let that 'instructor' take your bathing suit off... it will lead to awkward positions on the diving board

In order to float i need to relax, does that mean i need to drink or take something to "chill" me out? - Miss Roger's Sweater
that might help... and as douglas adams says... the art of flying is falling and missing the ground

why won't my vcr tape shows above channel 47? i can't tape undergrads :( - Miss Roger's Sweater
your vcr is old and shitty... demand a new one from the parents and if they say no then that means they don't like you so it's ok to steal their money to buy one

If I sliced her face off like a slab of boiled ham do you think she would shut up? You need lips to talk with your mouth, right?
i think you need lips to ennuciate words... they could still speak i'd think just not too well

wots the point of having a guy if they are just goin to make you sad?
if they make you sad then change it so you don't have to deal with them anymore

Schon Geburtstag zu dir, Schon Geburtstag zu dir, Schon Geburtstag zu DC, Schon Geburtstag zu dir. I know it's breaking the rules about no foreign language, but I had to do it and I know all the words are wrong so anybody who wants to correct it can go consume copious amounts of hay. And did you know that Spiro Agnew is an anagram of "grow a penis"? - Fish
none of that was useful to me

Have you or anyone else ever tried playing a two-hour performance on bass guitar with an unstrapped, broken finger? It really hurts! - Fish
no i haven't but that would surely suck

So I have finally fallen in to asking you an "insane" question. Yet this is a time of despair and I have an excuse, one of my sock monkeys committed suicide and his ghost haunts me. I think he took over my cats body because my cat will only eat fried bananas. What on Earth shall I do?
well you should start by doing whatever your cat/monkey demands... try to talk to it to explain that orange isn't a good color for pants... then after reading outloud to it for hours... throw out all the napkins... only then will your sock monkey know peace and leave you the hell alone

Is it left or right after you turn down the treacle mountains towards an insect called Herdert the seventh?
left

Are you waiting for us to ask you, "why don't you change 'last updated June 21st 2002' at the top of your questions page, before you change it?
haha i just saw that today and yea well i'll try to remember... i'm a forgetful sock monkey... i blame the raving insanity and that strong scented candle

How can someone be Tickled Pink? Vista
they get all pink faced from the tickle... as for Pickled Tink... you'd ask my mother... she just about pissed herself saying that one day to a store clerk

I'm bored...is it time to burn the house down yet? Vista
yes but save the animals first

It's 10:24am...time to get dressed yet? Vista
hell no

Happy Birthday DC! I got you this life size plaster cast of an elephant as a present. And the Smashing Pumpkins wrote that song... So what do you think of it? - Fido Dido
thanx... and i'm waiting for it to arrive in the mail... cuz i mean you can just send it to the address for snail mail

Your views on goth's? and why am is o bored?
if they dress up all unable to walk/breathe then i say it's dumb... but as long as they leave me the hell alone (like everyone else) then i don't really care about them... and you're bored becuase you're not gathering money from your neighbors for me

is it wrong to have read more books then your friend, when he said at the beginning of the summer that he was going to read more then you and yet you are kickin his butt?? Jeepy
no it just means that you've chosen really short books or he's just not a good 'reader' like you are

Is it wrong to like a guy that you liked in gr. 8 then you were like whatever and then you saw him like 6 yrs later.. and then you were like whatever cuz you found out he had a girlfriend.. but now a friend is always trying to get you together? Is it wrong for you to think about going out with him??? Jeepy
if you're in highschool then there are 'rights' or 'wrongs'... if not then do what you think is 'right'... so if you do go with him then tape the sex and send it to both the friend and the girlfriend to get their opinions

Do you actually enjoy answering all these questions, just as much as my friends enjoy sock monkey proning me?? Jeepy
nothing beats sock monkey anything...

Is it wrong that m y friends sock monkey porn me and I enjoy it?? Jeepy
hell no why do you think we put it online?

What if a human and a monkey made a baby and the monkey ate the human and went crazy and started eating everyone wearing a pink frilly hat?
as IF a sock monkey would BREED... hell no

Do you like the smell of cunt?
that all depends on whom it belongs to

How long is it?
depends on the moment really

When was the last time you took a shit?
a few hours ago but it's still kinda warm

Is Steve Urkel the coolest guy in the world?
hell no

Whats your favorite flavour condom?
i don't taste condoms

Do you think the Queen is a hot momma?
only the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland

What happens when you jerk off too much?
well your dick might get sore... other then nothing much

Is there something wrong with you when frogs come out your ass?
not if that's where you put them

You know each time we ask a question and submit it... well in the next page you call us freaks! What the hell is that all about?
well you are freaks... what's the problem?

can you speak spanish ? - dane
not as far as you know

now I am back i am going to ask questions frequently, does this please you? - dane
i'd be more pleased if you sent me money and toys in the mail

Who do you think would win a fight between a Lion and a Bear ? - dane
i guess it would depend on what type of bear was fighting... age... health... that sorta stuff

Do you think transgenic organ transplantations should be studied further to become possible there for causing no more needless deaths amoung pathetic humans who die all the time from lack of organs avalibe? - dane
well i would think that is a benefit only if the population of the earth has been reduced so that there are less pathetic people so more smart people can breed... only then is it worth keeping them around longer

I saw willy wonka and the chocolate factory on DVD today, do you like this movie and if so have you seen it on DVD which makes it all the more fun to watch charlie win the golden ticket? - dane
yes i like that movie and no i haven't seen the dvd of it yet

Pizza? - dane
that would rock right about now

should you be aloud to enter and partisipate in the special olympics ( retarded olympics ) i like to call then, if you just have a sprained ankle and cant run in the normal olympics? - dane
no that doesn't count as 'special' however your question is almost 'special' enough to get in a local club

are you canadian? - dane
on this planet yes

Whats some good ways you can cool off if it is terribly hot and all you have is a couple of fans that only blow crappy hot air on you ? - dane
fit yourself in your fridge... fill your tub with cold water and sit in it... whore yourself out to icemen

is it normal that every time you touch your testicles you get an erection? - dane
well if YOU'RE having a problem with YOURS then thats YOUR problem...

ENDOMETRIOSIS:, when cells from the womb's lining migrate outside the womb, because they are still under the influence of the messtrual cycle's hormones they grow and bleed each month, resulting in blood-filled cysts and scaring., do you watch Walker Texas Ranger with Chuck Norris? - dane
no i don't

Why do you think humans must destroy everything and everyone? - dane
that is human nature

why does your home page thing say click here yadda yadda or whatever and it says every question every answered and it is not every question ever answered cause all my old question are not on it ? I demand an answer - dane
yes it is every question ever answered

DC is your name and the first letter D is the first letter of my name, do you think this has some deap and meaningfull meaning that means something meaningfull. ? - dane
no it doesn't... i had no meaning whatsoever so stop following me

if you had to call yourself something besides DC what would your name be mr potato dick ? - dane
no it'd be '49117'

hey my grandparents r having thier 45th anniversary and im planning on renting monkeys..what color should i get them in??..
blue

If I have a vision problem and my parents tell someone who I do not want to know, how do I make them shutup?
scream, then fall to the ground and twitch

when you read to yourself do you hear your own voice in your head?--hasvient
hell no i have one of the other voices in my head read it to me

Can I contribute a story to your site?
once my.theinsanedomain.com is online you may

i can't remember if i've already asked questions, uh did you know today is 7eleben's 75th anniversary? - Miss Roger's Sweatedr
no i didn't but then again i don't care about them... so um yea i'm gonna have some root beer

There is this spider on the wall. He is kinda gettin on my nerves. he just sits there, looking ast me all day. then at night, he disappears for hours. then I look away, and he is back. Where does he go to? Is he participating in a secret covert meeting for some terrorist group? Or is he just eating the cheese out of my fridge(which up to know I've blamed on the Romanian Resistance)? --InsaneLane
he's writing down all the things you do that are 'normal' and of course... to go take a shit... and he only has those meetings once a month... but they are anti-normal meetings

DC, have you ever been forced to wear a tie? If so, what type of tie was it, a bow tie, or a regular tie, and what color/design?--InsaneLane
yes and it sucked so i have blocked all details of the tie out of my mind... after i used it to hang that guy i swore i'd never wear one again

One of my friends happened to experience the condom coming off inside her(wasn't me damn it, no bloody luck). What kind of advice should I give her to prevent this from happening again?--InsaneLane
well they (i'm assuming she is with someone but you can't always assume) should figure out how to use it properly... get a guy with a bigger dick... have the guy hang onto it as he pulls out of her and if all else fails use salad forks to get it out...

If you were growing up a gurkin, in a monkey world, would you buy a flavoured cardboard box?
yes of course i would but i'd never eat it

bibble bobble<---- does that mean anything to you ? - dane
haha it means hours of my life spent watching it

are you going to do this for the rest of your life ? - dane
no i'm using this as a springboard to becoming really famous but really recluse... that way the more i hid and the less i do... the more people love me and want me

if you had to choose one, is it better to be smart or patient ? - dane
smart

will a dog lick its own butt if you put honey all over it? - dane
probably but it does it for free anyways so why waste the honey?

do you like me ? - dane
i don't know you... and i don't like anyone until they pay me too

i asked you why any of my old questions were not on the good questions page thing and you said " well did any of your questions get an award " or whatever the hell you said and the answer is Yes one of my questions did , so why the hell isnt it on there ? , i am hurt - dane
i think you're lying and if not then too bad it will be fixed when this thing gets database-driven

do you beleive in anything you cannot see like god and fairies? - dane
i don't believe in those but not because i can't see them.. if i did then if i went blind then i'd have to disbelieve in everything

if you go to hell cause you kill a human , will you go to hell if you kill lots of tiny animals that would equill the size of a human ? - dane
it's about EVIL not weight... if you believe in hell... hell is earth and being forced to hang out with you humans

do dead babies float ? - dane
only if they have waterwings on

what is your favorite sandwhich speread ? - dane
spread? well mayo is the only thing i really spread on sandwiches... i don't like butter

how do i obtain enough cocaine to fill a pick up truck without having to kill anyone or have sex with people that are the same sex as i am ? - dane
you have to steal a shipment from whatever drug person is having it shipped in to your area

what is the most impressive thing you can do? - dane
think before speaking

do you like vantriliquism ? - dane
it annoys me

what do i say to someone i hate that is suicidal???
don't say anything to them.. you hate them so why have unnecessary conversation?

Where is the Tome of Eternal Darkness?!
i can't tell you... i promised i wouldn't... i'll give you a glue... it's near the tomb of eternal darkness

You have not given out a good question award to recently, where are the good question askers? um that guy who cant decide on a handle.
i'm not sure... i know some people are trying but no one has made me 'amused' enough to give out one lately

If I were a blood sucking hairless cat with an overbite would you have dinner with me? LubisKo
if you're paying then sure

Do you need to get layed as badly as I do? LubisKo
no and that means you are NOT allowed to break into my apartment and undress me in my sleep

What should you do if there is a worm hanging out of your dick hole? LubisKo
well either push it in or pull it out

Will this rash ever go away? LubisKo
not if you keep licking it you sick fuck

Do you believe in the flying weed stealing squerrals form Insanetonya? LubisKo
yes but only for 4 minutes a day

Is it possible to ask to many questions in one night? LubisKo
yes and it's also possible to create action figures out of noodles but you have to be really careful

How much is to much? And how do you know? LubisKo
you just KNOW... and then it hurts...

don't you think that getting paid for your work on the website will make whatever you do seem hollow and forced, because all you'll be thinking about then is the money? - SiNiSTaR
no i'll be thinking about the insanity since i no longer have to be sane for normal work... and since my bills are paid i have no need to think about them so it's just pure insanity for me all day long

Who is the dumbest person in the world? LubisKo
it changes minute to minute

how long can you go without taking a bath? - SiNiSTaR
well i've gone for years... i prefer showers

one guy i know said he wasn't turned on by seeing girl-on-girl porn, but i know he's lying. Why does he have to lie about something stupid like that? - SiNiSTaR
maybe he doesn't like it... maybe he's into sheep on sheep porn... or is happy to just see two people of oppisite sexes fucking... and some people just love lying

If everybody in the world would fart at the same time, would we all die? - C0ckm@ster
no i don't think you all would die

does Tropicana Florida Orange Juice really taste like it just came off the tree?--InsaneLane
the only way to find out is to go there and try an orange right off the tree

When one is told what to do, does that allow them to have freewill ? Being told and carrying it out, does that mean they are no longer doing it out of their own freewill ? In reality, don't we have the freewill to make the last decision in the matter ? - dane
yes we do... but the thing with freewill is that means people can choose wrong... and they do much of the time

What do you believe to be "the common good"? What is the most important task that humanity faces? - dane
well that is all in my report to my home planet but since you don't have access to that i'll sum it up with 'you all need to see past your own foreheads'

i like sandwhiches , do you? - dane
most of the time i don't have many of them... but tim horton's has a really good veggie salad one

1. What are the side effects of the medication I'm currently taking or considering taking?
2. Do any of my medications interact with each other or with other commonly encountered over-the-counter drugs, or even with certain types of food?
3. What alternatives do I have to the medications I'm currently taking? Are there other medications which are newer, cheaper, safer, more effective, or which have fewer side effects? - dane

1.fast hearbeat, nervousness, tremors, headache, difficulty sleeping, or anusea.

2. Avoid large amounts of caffeine-containing foods and veverages, such as coffee, tea, cocoa, cola drinks and chocolate.
3. your alternatives are therapy, herbs and dishwashing

is it possible to ever really know you are in love or is it all just chemical inbalences of the brain playing tricks on you? - dane
it's all chemical inbalances of the brain until about a year or two of being together... then it's just sickness

how many questions can you put on one page ? , can you put every single question i have asked since the last latest questions asked page ? and is so will you do it ? - dane
i can put lots of questions on a page and hell no

do i every actually ask any questions that you like answering ? - dane
a few but not many

How did proteins ever first evolve? - dane
i refuse to tell you

So, I went to move my website and it's in transition. But my current hosting company aren't getting back to me to confirm that they're moving the DNS settings, so, bastards, basically. But I have a new look site ready to go. It looks a bit more like your site, though. Will you be pissed at me if I launch it? - Mzebonga
that hosting company sucks... ours rocks (shamelss plug for them in the hopes of getting more space)... and i know you have more then enough imagination to design your own website layout and look without 'borrowing' ours...

Is suicide really painless? - Fido Dido
only if you do it right

. I am deeply perplexed as to whether I seek tantra as a vehicle to experience and satisfy my ardent, erotic, and delightfully sensuous fetishes or as a gateway to unblock my traditionally based sexual desires and societal-acceptable nurtured libido. I have a perpetually ravenous and genuinely wonderful fetish for pretty, well-groomed, soft (female) feet and toes; furry bedroom slippers/fur massage mitts; and sensuous tickling. I dream of sharing and savoring the ecstasy of sensual pleasure with a woman who would agree with my love of this fetish. Am I wrong to turn to tantra for this reason? Do I deceive myself that such a woman partner could actually exist? Have I looked upon tantra in a selfish manner as a prayer answered? - dane
probably but hey do what you want and why haven't you sent me any money or gifts for answering all your damned questions?

When I was a child I grew a mould garden from mashed potato, cheese and vegetable soup, all placed in tightly sealed jar. I was disappointed when it grew only a boring monoculture of short, grey fur. Now that I'm grown up, I'd like to repeat the experiment, but can you tell me DC what I should put in the jar to ensure a more interesting variety of colours and growth? - dane
i'm not sure... i raise them for fun not producing certain colors

Suppose a large ship, such as the QE2, is floating freely alongside a quay and no forces such as wind or sea currents are acting on it. If I stand on the quay and push the side of the ship, will it move, even very slowly and slightly? Or is there some sort of limiting friction caused by all those water molecules around the hull that can only be overcome by a much larger threshold force? - dane
i would say that due to my pushing you into the water that you would drown

If human beings were wiped out by some sort of catastrophe such as a lethal virus, meteorite impact or the effects of global warming, would any evidence of our existence and intelligence remain to be discovered by an intelligent life form inhabiting the Earth 65 million years later? - dane
intelligence? haha there is no proof of that now

what is truth? - dane
there is no truth just perceptions of a persons concept of what 'truth' is

why did my mum and dad name me dane? - dane
they frowned and said 'damn' when they saw your face for the first time and the doctor misheard it for dane

why don't you come up with better questions?
this isn't a form for asking yourself questions

were do girls like it best in the ass or pussey?
depends on the girl and what her preference is

Sorry DC, this isn't a question. I disagree with you and your answer to my question "Where is the fungus amoung us?" Humans aren't a fungus, they are a super-virus.--InsaneLane
why say sorry and then do it... you're obviously not sorry

Wait... is that... is that what I think it is? - Fido Dido
it's me thinking about shutting this thing down and putting up a site about eyebrows

does chemcials in water effect the kind of deceases we get?
yes so drink up

Hurrah! I love you, DC. Can I have your children? - Fido Dido
sick no i refuse to breed

Can I say some bad words or will you wash my mouth out with soap? McDiablo
yes you can say bad words but use them properly and within context

Why are Americans so dumb and say "roof" funny? McDiablo
i have no idea... it sounds like a dog bark...

What's the number for 9-1-1? Hey, didn't Homer Simpson say that? McDiablo
yes he did

Okay, so I'm sitting on my friends steps under the influence of highly wierd drug. I begin in a conversation about a spider with a million legs with a 2x4 post at the bottom of the steps convinced that it was a friend of mine. What would you think if you were that 2x4 and I start screaming and babbering about a large slithering kangaroo underneat a speedbump?
we'll i'd think the same thing i thought last time my mind was warped with a highly weird drug... i'd think 'how long has it been since i blinked? are my eyes dry? watery? how long since i spoke last? is someone speaking now? are they speaking to me? should i say something now? are they all staring at me? what show is this? is that even the tv? what am i staring at? who's duke?'

ok why do insurance companies charge more for a younger person? just cause we are younger they assume we are more reckless but i find more of older drivers are more assholes on the road than younger. they are chargeing us for something that we havent done yet!!!!! i hate that they are raping me up the ass!!! $5500/year!!!! jeeze -
you are more reckless... the older people are just more stupid... none of you should be allowed to drive... and yes they rip young people off... it should be done according to driving record etc

"Roses are wilting, violets are dead, I salted your garden. HAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!" Do you like my poem? - Fish
no... no i don't

Massage my shoulders, please? - SiNiSTaR
no... YOU massage MINE... this is taking FOREVER

A (veggie) burger and a (tofu) shake, please? - SiNiSTaR
make it two

Why does Jesus love Mrs. Robinson more than she would know? - SiNiSTaR
mrs robinson makes really good cookies

What the hell is toe jam tea? Would you eat THAT? - SiNiSTaR
no idea and hell no

Tiaras are fucking stupid... right? - SiNiSTaR
right

How do i tell if i have breast cancer? - SiNiSTaR
i have no idea so go see your doctor or someone who claims to know what they're doing

i can't seem to get the gold in 'gold rush'... is this a conspiracy of yours to make me bald when i tear my hair out in frustration and anguish? - SiNiSTaR
yes it is... NO GOLD FOR YOU

Can i say something? I love you. I have never said that before, have i? well...i mean it. My life would be empty without you my love. could you ever feel the same for me, even a tiny weenie little bit? - SiNiSTaR
sure ... well ok no... but maybe i could like you... sock monkeys just can't love you humans

i feel that the insane domain is a haven for people of MY kind. No longer do i get weird stares, hell there are no stares here but at least i know that people like me are out there and it fills me with happiness and hope...what about you? and, can i just say thanks? - SiNiSTaR
sure and you can send money to get us to mail insane things to you so you feel even more weird...

Why didn't you answer my Pre-molar dwelling pixie question? It's been four days and i'm in the same scary situation. It says that only DC will tell me the right way, but you won't!!!!!!!!! Help! So what should i do? Have yoy ever been in the same situation? When will the sock monky's get here?
no i haven't and i don't like discussing teeth

Ahem. This question is entitled..."Why?" it's not my first question but it is my first w/ this name....Ooogle. And now we may proceed to the question. Apptly entitled..."Why?" This is indeed a pressing question. And now we shall begin.... Why is it that just now I had a reall y weird craving for peanut butter??? I haven't eaten it in ages and suddenly I find myself REALLY wanting to eat pure smooth peanut butter...not on sandwiches or anything but like those dumbass Americans sometimes do on TV, like out of the jar. I've never done that before..nor have I had the craving. And then WHY was the peanut butter hiding from me?? Did it just not want to be eaten?? In which case, why didn't it use the magical powers that all type of peanut butter have and just disappear?? And then when I found it it half empty when before I wanted it it had been full of lucious peanut butter??? Also why was it that when I started eating it I discovered it was out of date?? And not so delious?? And then I couldn't find the other jar so I assumed it had used it's powers and run away, was I right?? And why will no one read this overly long question?? Cuz it's too boring and that red writing makes your head and eyes hurt?? On this note I leave you to run barfoot to the nearest shop (1mile away) for some God damn peanut butter! Thank you for your time..have a nice day! - Ooogle
damnit just eat the peanut butter and if you don't like it then get some new peanut butter... but don't get KRAFT peanut butter... they grind up horses in theirs

Why does Shakira's voice sound so weird?
no idea who that is so i don't care

Why do I feel like ppl on instant messengers are ignoring me?
they are

Why haven't I sent questions in a while??
you've been off coming up with some good ones... so where are they?

What the hell is with that alien in a jar thing? What do you do with it? What DO you DO? - Fido Dido
it sits on my desk... it just sits there doing nothing...

Hey DC i have something amazing to tell you , A long time ago i asked you the question " what does antidisastablishment mean ? " and you said to look it up in the dictionary, well i was bored and i typed that word in the serch bar for something to do and i was looking at the results that came up and one of the results was me asking you the question, It said dane blah blah something about you saying your friends and the word antidisastablishmentarianism and i clicked on it and it took me to the page where i asked you that. 1) isnt that amzing ? 2) how does that happen on the net? , like i mean how was it a link to that word ? 3) who does that? or does it just ordimaticly happen that it is put as a link on the net? 4) did you have anything to do with that?

seriously i want to know i was amazed , i fell so speacial, and by the way it isnt in the dictionary. - dane
that is cool... it happens with spiders... and robots do it all...

did you ever wonder if your mom gave your dad a blow job right before she kissed you good night? - dane
this isn't original at all... at least i don't have to hear that damned little song

do you have a yahoo messenger?, if you do what is your screen name so i can play you at pool one day - dane
no i don't use yahoo messenger... i don't like it... i have icq

will we ever learn? - dane
no

do you think the oompa loompas from willy wanker and the cunt factory had small penises or large penises? - dane
large... and orange

here is my thoughts on love: love is like a fat person, it stinks cause it cant be washed properly cause of all the fat rolls which are loves imperfections, do you agree with this? - dane
no i don't and yes i deleted a few of your questions cuz they were just not questions

which language is the hardest language to learn in the whole entire world of languages? - dane
english because it doesn't make sense

i hate religeon, but does science really prove anything, like do we REALLY know that the world is round and shit like that? - dane
the only way to know for sure is to get into your own spaceship and check

I want to kill every fucking stupid fucker on this fucked up planet , i fucking hate every mother fucking cunt faced fuck head in the fucking world , fuck!,............after getting that off my hairy chest, why do humans actually like the crapy band Hanson? - dane
humans are stupid..

Why are the same people asking different questions?~SG*
well if the same people asked the same questions over and over i'd have to hurt them

I think that you're kind of stingy with the stinkymonkey butt awards and possibly some kind of masochist or saint or both to answer so much dribble. While practicing for such feats of endurance, do you flog yourself with your own tail to achieve nirvana or is it some sort of Shaolin, boiling water on your head, hands and knees balancing trick that you use? Also, although you have told us to, "ask away" have you considered limiting the number of questions per day, per reader? I, for one, would have no objections as I have already paid good money to an actual (kick-ass brilliant) psychotherapist and peruse your site mainly for entertainment and the creative exercise that you offer us, so generously, for free.
i don't know why i'm torturing myself with this anymore... sometimes it's ok when there's thought put into the questions... but lately people just send in sooooo many that suck... i think i may start deleting more questions...

What do you think of Courtney Love? I used to hate her but after a slow, agonizing period of brainwashing, I grew to enjoy her music. Also, if you hate/dislike her, which I dont blame you if you do, why do you not like her? Sincerely MeowMix.
i don't like her music and i don't give a shit about her... i don't like her voice, don't find her songs appealing and know nothing of her as a person to care about her

Huzzah! <cries from the joy of seeing the my.theinsanedomain.com preview> Thankyou.... I have waited long for this day... And now I have seen the light, I wish to see more... Whence I see the finished my.theinsanedomain.com I can die happy... I hope to make an impact once it is finished... Do you think I will? - Fido Dido
glad you ike it and jcp will be working hard to get it going... i'll help link it up etc and then it'll go online... we're hoping to have it for august

do dogs really eat the skin of other dogs?
why wouldn't they? it's flesh

Hey DC i have something amazing to tell you , A long time ago i asked you the question " what does antidisastablishment mean ? " and you said to look it up in the dictionary, well i was bored and i typed that word in the serch bar for something to do and i was looking at the results that came up and one of the results was me asking you the question, It said dane blah blah something about you saying your friends and the word antidisastablishmentarianism and i clicked on it and it took me to the page where i asked you that. 1) isnt that amzing ? 2) how does that happen on the net? , like i mean how was it a link to that word ? 3) who does that? or does it just ordimaticly happen that it is put as a link on the net? 4) did you have anything to do with that? i seriously wanted a question for this answer and you just typed some bull shit about robots and spider can you prett please give me an aner or ill be sad - dane
no i didn't... spiders is a real process... look it up and you'll understand... and i can give you any answer i want

DC I would love to send you money but there is a problem I cant send you money right now cause im moving back home and i am saving really full on and the other is i will only be able to send you money when i get ahead in life money wize that is , and when i do it will be in australia and the australian dollar rate is only half the american dollar so if i send you $200 it will only be $100 which is a lot of money but if i do that then sending it to you would mean while the money goes through the dollar rate preccess thing i would loose half of it , so what should I do ? - dane
just send money and i'll let your damned questions continue to plague me

Have you heard the album Mike Patton did with Japanese band Melt Banana ? - dane
yes i did... the only thing i haven't heard is the big band thing with the melvins

hey you gave me a monkey bum award , seriously i asked for one and you delivered , thank you very much DC even though you gave it not cause i asked but cause you saw fit to do so I will pretend you like me and gave it to me cause i wanted it very much indeed, do you mind if i live this little fantasy for a while? - dane
yes you will have to pretend and stop it

I am obbessed with the following words , i cant stop saying them, ( gimp , pimp , scrotum , puss , cunt , soup , sloth , toast ) , are there anywords which you enjoy saying or are obbessed with ? - dane
bloody, freak, shit, sucks

do you want to know what i look like? - dane
no i don't care and even if you paid me i wouldn't want to know just so it'd piss you off

i just took a crap , i really did , and it wasnt a couple of big logs they where all little bits like the size of marbles, does this ever happen to you? - dane
the next time it does i will package it up and send it to you

Speaking of poo and related thing as such, In Australia mexican food is a rare kind of speciallity thing you can buy the crap to make it with in the stores but you rarely see it as an eat out thing , I have never had it before coming over here and i hated it at first but now i love it , the crap i was talking about in the stores you can get to make i like re-fried beans and stuff are pretty expensive in australia well not that much more expensive then here but it would be an expensive meal to buy heaps of crap just so you could have a couple of bean and cheese buritos and an enchilarda however you spell it , so when i am back there what should i do to keep myself from having mexican food withdrawels and getting the shakes? just so i know aswell is this too much typing for one question? thing i know you said you can tell a little story or whatever with it and thats just what i did, just thought id ask - dane
the last time i had that shit was at a taco hell...

I have a sprained ankle and the cat keeps rubbing against it and it hurts , what should i do to stop it from rubbing against it and causing pain ? i dont want to hurt it just stop it - dane
just shut the hell up and take the pain you big whining baby... you deserve it

how the hell could you not like butter on your sandwhich i like a thick layer on both bits of bread , when I went to Japan all theri food on the plane was shit orthentic Jap crap the on thing i would eat is the butter so i just ate the whole tub thing on its own , butter is yummy , you butter hating bastard, how is it possible to not like butter on your sandwhiches ? - dane
i don't like butter and that's just the way it is

since I do not beleive in god can I look up to you as a godly figure so to speak? would it be too much responsibility for you ? - dane
no it wouldn't and i command you to make an ark NOW

hey instead of money for now or for a long time untill i am able you would like toys yes? what kind of toys i have lots of DC and Marvel figureens and sponge bob square pants and powerpuff girls toys do you like any of these ? - dane
yes send them and maybe i won't hate you so much

would you send a squirell through customs to australia for me ?, Im not there yet but if you send it shipment it will take 1 or 2 months to get there i want one as a pet i will be the only person there with one cause well... they are not there, if you put enough nuts in the box with it it might live i guess - dane
no squirrels

ok the squirell in exchange for toye or money yes ? - dane
no you send money and toys and that's it

do you own one computer or two like i do? , ha ha i am kidding i only own one i am not a hoytie toytie rich so of a..... - dane
i own 2... and a laptop

why do nerds always smell like fart ? - dane
it's you who smells like fart all the time and mistake it for nerds

I am trying to think of questions that will give me good question rewards but i cant think of any , only shit questions , why is this ? , and please dont make your answer an insult to me - dane
then i can't answer

I am listening to fantomas's second album while asking these questions and the CD ended and it went to my wifes Fiona Apple CD and i actually dont mind it , it isnt a typical popular poppy type cd it is intersting to a certain point, what is your opinion on her? - dane
everything was fine until fiona apple was mentioned... i do not like many female singers and i do not like her

why do fat people breath heavy and loud?, you can hear it more then normal people in saying that im not saying that fat people arent normall well you know what i mean anyway - dane
they have more to move around and their lungs have more work to do

have you ever held a frog in your hands? - dane
yes and i got sent home once for having one in my desk at school

Do you have a family tree? You know, those diagrams showing your ancestors and relaitions. - Fido Dido
yes i do... the oldest parts were drawn using bananas way back before we stole pens

why does a spoon full of sugar help the medicine go down ? - dane
of course... and some beer

do you make love to humans or other sock monkeys of the female gender ? - dane
depends on my mood and what's available

Can we ever escape our past, or are we doomed to a future of biobabble? - dane
our past is what makes us what we are

Would an extra-terrestrial civilization develop the same mathematics as ours? If not, how could theirs possibly be different?, I mean their number could be writen diferently but shurely it would be the same wouldn't you think so? - dane
i could tell you but i've promised not to tell

DC i want your serious insight on this , Mathermatic, how do we know that mathermatics that we humans have invented is correct or just correct to us ?, I mean it could be totally wrong, it works for us, but with using our mathermatics, do you really know how far the next sollar system is? and even if we can work out correctly how much fuel it would take to get there using our mathermatics, which is right to us could it in fact be wrong? . - dane
yes but everything is wrong... if it works we go with it is the basic human idea

do you eat tuna? just wondering cause my wife does but she is a vegitarian, which avoids the whole point of being a vegitarian i suppose but it is the only animal product she will eat - dane
no i don't that is not a vegetarian... to me a vegetarian doesn't eat any meat including seafood, chicken and turkey

I really want to know what it is like to kill someone, what do you think would be the closest way to feel that feeling without actually killing someone? - dane
kill yourself

with apparently greater opertunities avallible to people these days in any chosen feild, why are fewer people not acheiving greatness to the required and the individual want level compared to many years ago, do you think it could be that there are way more opions and those opions are more difficult to get these days? - dane
fewer people are achieving greatness because more people are being told what to do and not to think... they are scared to try things, don't think for themselves and can't live without the tv...

did you know on willy wonka and the chocolate factory when the cast walked into the world of imagination room on the movie the cast where actually seeing it for the first time so their reaction to the amazing set was real? - dane
no i didn't know

DC what is your actuall job? , i mean you cant survive on this so what do you do to make a living? - dane
i could tell you but you wouldn't believe me... so i'll just say 'computers'

are you proud of me? - dane
no i have no reason to be

what do the sock monkeys do when another sock monkey dies? , what is the funeral like ? - dane
i can't tell you that is a secret that only sock monkeys can know

inisiation doesnt only restric itself to humans DC, did you know that squirells have inisiations too? where the squirell has to put as many nuts in its mouth all at once and some squirells have been found with deforemed mouths because of it, isnt that funny? - dane
kind of but not really.. not as funny as that crow with telephone poles for feet

I know you dont like people using your magnificant Q&A page to put links on but can i put this link on your page ? its just one of my favorite pages and it would be cool if i could share its beauty with other pathetic people such as myself - dane
hell no... if you know i don't like it then DON'T DO IT... do you really think i'm going to keep letting your questions through if you do shit i don't like?

you did give me a good question award dam it, the question was about why do people ask how are you , i really dopnt think they care , so pull your socks up DC dam it - dane
no and i'll make sure it never gets to that page just to make you cry

i think maggot is a funny word dont you? - dane
yes

do you own a digital camera? - dane
no jcp does

Why do so many people hate tomatoes? They don't even taste like anything.
i don't know anyone who hates them ... i like them

DC i saw a question someone asked you where to find the G-spot on a female and you said you were not quite sure and told them to finbd out and enlighten you well ill do it for you so here it goes, Most people think the G-spot on a female is the clitorus but they are wrong , the clitorus is like a penis it is just a feel good organ the actuall G-spot is located on the upper wall of in iner vaginal hole as you may want to call it , it is about the lengh of your middle finger in and if you stick your finger in you might be able to find it on the top wall it feels like a little pebble hard but not as hard as a rock, the male has three G-spots and they are all in the rectum. I hope this may come usfull to you - dane
thanks for the update

how are you today DC? - dane
bitchy

how come every thing in life seems to go wrong for me? - dane
that's just the way it is for someone like you

why did they call the adams apple the adams apple? - dane
you mean you don't know? hahaha

would you consider a man that takes up knitting as a hobbie cause he has nothing to do , to be rather homosexually oreintated to the max or maybe just to the xam? - dane
how does knitting make someone homosexual? are you saying only chicks can knit? that's damned sexist

DC spelt backwards is CD like CD's that you play on your stereo, isn't that fasinating? - dane
no it isn't

do you often simmer through old questions you have answered and chuckle at your responses? - dane
not anymore...

although "spontainious humam combustion" is considered to be very rare , should i be worried that it could happen to me at all ? - dane
no i say to taunt it and douse yourself in gas and sit by some candles just to scoff at fate

when the planets line in perfect formation willthe earth open and reveal a hell firery extant death that will be the end of all man kind ? - dane
no that will just be a brief setback

does the effect of the suns blazing rays mean that if i go outside i will be vapourized into ash? - dane
not yet give it a few hundred years more

is it gratuitous to exept free drugs or free drug money ? - dane
yes so send them to me

what if you where the one asking the questions and i was the one answering them? - dane
the questions would be well thought out, intelligent and amusing and the answers would be skipped

Why are websites www. why are there 3 w's? - dane
world wide web

I hate it when you click something on the computer like restore your desktop and it says " are you sure you want to restore your desktop " , how stupid , have you actually ever clicked a button and it said blah blah are you sure then you thought well now when i come to think about it i dont ? - dane
it asks you because people are stupid and need to be asked ARE YOU SURE?

I didn't get any awards on the Questionnaire. I'm crushed. Am I not as insane anymore? McDiablo
sure you're insane... i'm just prompting you to push that insanity to new heights...

I have chicken breath....what should I do to get rid of it so I don't scare away vegetarians and what not? McDiablo
brush your teeth and have a few green peppers

Why is my sister's room clean? This is truly a first.......... McDiablo
she is trying to suck up before asking your parents for something big

why do we masterbate
cuz it feels good

I just got invited to play in the band at the premiere of the film "Dirty Deeds"!!! We get $120 an hour, get introduced to the stars, and get to see the movie and unlimited food free!!!! Is that not most royally cool? - Fish
that is very cool and would be even cooler if you sent me some of that money

This is freaky!!! I did a survey of the Year 7/Form 1 students just coming into our high school for the past few years, and I found that they are getting shorter!!! The average height for year 7's is getting smaller by approximately 2cm a year!!! At this rate, in 50 years they'll be so small we accidentally tread on them!! Should I capture year 7's and have a tug-o'-war with them to make them longer? - Fish
year 7 form 1? i'm thinking thats a uk school system type of thing... ? and yes people are getting shorter and stupider

Where the fuck has my nose gone? It was here a minute ago, and now its disappeared! Is it off sniffing the cat again? - Fish
yes... and i'd give them a few minutes alone before barging in

I've noticed that you haven't given out any good question awards in a long time. Why is that? And don't say that they wern't worth it, coz I've seen a number that were up to the standard. -Waxter
well it's my opinion that matters when it comes to giving out awards... and i don't think that many have deserved them lately... or perhaps the good are getting lost in the many shitty ones making me bitter towards all the questions in general

My girlfriend is terrified of clowns, ventriloquists dummies and spiders. I want to make her watch the movies It (with an evil clown), Childs Play (with an evil ventriloquists dummie) and Eight Legged Freaks (with evil spiders) so that she will be able to face her fears, but she refuses to see them. How can I get her to watch them with me (no physical violence of course)? -Waxter
pay her lots of money and promise to pick up your socks

On the topic, what are you scared of? - Waxter
badly written stories... rocks that bite... horses

I am capable of lifting my own weight. I am also capable of lifting a chair. I am also capable of lifting my own weight puls the weight of a chair. So why then, am I unable to get myself off the ground when I sit on a chair and lift? - Waxter
you need to work out more... gravity is kicking your ass

Have you ever heard of the author Philip Jose Farmer? If you like good sci fi like enders game, I would really reccomend anything by Farmer. - Waxter
no i haven't and i'll add that to my list

Wouldn't it be cool to be able to give someone an orgasm just by looking at them? I reckon it would, you could embarass the hell out of anyone! (while also giving them a good time) - Waxter
yes and i'd have people pay me to look at them

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? - Waxter
time travelling

Shinigami means God of Death.Do you know what means Goddess of Death?-Skittles
JCP

are there ghosts?
sometimes yes but other times no

how do you measure your weight?kilos?pounds?
pounds

do you know where i can find a borderland? i want to go to the Territories. perhaps i should follow the Beam.-marissa
i would give up everything to go there and i've booked it for after my death

what do you think about stem cell research?
i think it could be good but since it's humans who are doing this it will go horribly wrong

how do you cope up with all these questions? -Bearded-
i have no idea... and i deleted a whole bunch of them this time too

Do you actually have to think up good answers to each of the questions? -Bearded-
i give as good as an answer i think it deserves... if the question obviously has no thought behind it then i put no thought behind my answer

what would you do if someone broke into your home and stole your most prized possession? -Bearded-
well i'd be dead after they stole my brain... and i'd be mighty pissed if they stole my pillow

Dont you just hate people that rip off your ideas and try to make themselves look as cool as you ? -Bearded-
yes i do

is there such a thing as a love potion? -Bearded- do all old people smell funny? -Bearded- if someone came up to you and said, "why the hell are you stepping on my fucking toes!!!", what would you say? -Bearded- Would you own up for something you did even though someone else would gladly take the blame? -Bearded- If you had a deepest, darkest, secret, would you tell someone about it? and that someone is a person that you could trust with your life? -Bearded-if i were scared to be alone, would you come and sit by my side? -Bearded- if the was one place you could choose to go, which place would that be? -Bearded- why did you choose a dinosaur head for the good question award? -Bearded- Would you leave your sock monkey companion for better sex with a human? -Bearded- do you even have a sock monkey companion? -Bearded- how long is your tongue? -Bearded- do you ever feel that time is passing by too fast? -Bearded- do you prefer curly or straight hair? -Bearded- if someone dared you to wear a turban for 20 days staright without taking it off, would you? -Bearded- would you jeopardize your career to pursue your dream? -Bearded- do you believe in ghosts? -Bearded- Do you believe in soulmates? -Bearded- if soulmates were indeed a fact, would you ever find that person? and if you did, would you tell the person how you felt, even if you may be rejected? -Bearded-
ok thats just too many and i refuse to answer ... i should have just grouped all of danes together too and given one answer

It's late and I'm tired, I have lots of work to do, but I could do it tomorrow. Should I go to bed? - Waxter Am I cool? Why is it that the later it gets and the more tired I get, the more insane I become? - Waxter Aren't cockneys cool? I think they rule! If you see a cockney, tell him he's cool. - Waxter Oops, that last question rhymed. And I know how much you hate little poems. Silly me. I'm feeling quite foolish. I'll just go off to bed now. Will you read me a bedtime story and tuck me in? - Waxter
no

Please DC, tell me I'm cool. Please oh please tell me I'm cool! - Waxter Think about this. You have never seen the outside. You have spent your entire life up to this point locked in a single room. One day, the door is unlocked and you wander outside into the middle of a bustling city. What would your first reaction be? - Waxter
i'd piss myself

I saw my cat sniffing toothpaste....Theres something wrong isnt there?What should i do?-Skittles
i'd give the cat more tuna treats

So, I did a lot of work and I brought it back to life. BogGoblin has returned. Admittedly, I accidentally wiped 3 months of the "Cats Are Saints" section and I'm not sure how to tell Sally or the Cat Higher chamber. Are you glad to have BogGoblin back? Do you think the cats will forgive me? - Mzebonga
i will have to check that out and i won't tell sally if you don't want me to... and i think the cats will forgive you

How can I have a major impact on the world?
wipe out a species


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