If Jesus is the son of God, but was born from mary and is therfore mary's son too, and mary was married wouldn't that make God an adulterer? Also i do not believe that virgin mary God may be God but i doubt jesus was a test tube baby.
It would make Mary the adulterer, as she is the one who is married... (at least that's how it works in my books).  The term virgin back then was used to indicate a woman that didn't have kids in the first year of her marriage, so the husband could nullify the marriage and choose a new mate to produce kids. (damn breeders)  There was all sorts of shows etc about this.. you should try looking for them or get a book about it (besides the bible).  The test tube theory sounds good, but it would have to be done in a clay pot instead of a tube.  The other thing of course, is that you have to believe the whole thing literally... which is just silly.

Where do celebrities get their drugs?
from celebrity drug dealers... and rap stars.  What would cost a normal person 20 bucks, costs the celebrity 500, so for once, the common person wins out.

My gf has this guy pressuring her for sex. She wants to take the guy and tie him up in a chair facing the bed and make him watch us have sex just to show him what he can't have. Should we do this?
No, as he might enjoy the whole thing and beg to always be tied up and watching.  I would suggest that she kick him in the ass so hard he spits out his pants... or get a restraining order.   If all else fails, get some chick he hates to do the same thing to him.

I am a little freak, drowning in a world of overused and ill-contrived media and material idolatry. All I want is a cheeseburger and to nourish my inner-sockmonkey. Help me! What can I do?? -Daisy
Well, dead cow isn't the way to nourish anything, much less your inner-sockmonkey.  Sock monkeys don't eat meat... so feed your inner sock monkey lots of fruits and juices.  Also, take them out for a swing in the trees, as they love to frolic there instead of watching tv.  Go out, and have some fun like a good little sock monkey.

why isn't Ren and Stimpy on ne more, that was a quality show!
it's on over here in canada... on the teletoon network... maybe you should buy tapes of the show?

my pussy hurts, any suggestions?
get off her tail... and give her some catnip

Please help....im addicted to Boullion Cubes...it's a horrible disorder, i just can't resisst the sweet salty brothy taste of them...oh god please help me
ewwww.... i think that you should lock yourself in a bathroom with nothing but cheerios and toilet paper until the craving goes away.

why is my ass hairy?
because your dads is... and genetics rule.

complete strangers come up to me and start rubing my nipples. How can i tell them to stop, with out being rude? love Rebecca
Print up a t-shirt that says it... that way you don't have to say anything.

who made the first calander? and why is it the way it is?
i can't remember who made the first calendar... probably the chinese or something. But instead of me making up my usual crap... here is a link that helps.

a lot of people ask you questions, but who do you go to ask a question.and are you proud of your "free thinking" abilty?--db"_"
I simply pretend to be someone else and write myself.  Then, when I'm in a different mood, I answer the question.  Yes, I am proud of my free-thinking ability.... i bought it off the crazy man downtown who always wears the purple hat with the pompom.

i killed myself. what should i do now?
I highly recommend sticking around and haunting a few people.   There is a show i'm watching that is trying to record ghost-speak... so try finding them and telling them "the insane domain.com... insanity..."

why do you resent and insult the americans?, we actually dont hate you canadians, and we really don't make fun of you or well..care about you at all (face it, you're dull), you just think we hate you and therefore insult us, sure we did the southpark thing with terrance and phillip..but hell, we accepted tom green when you could no longer stand him, of course we did give him back, and sent that fucked up drew barrymore with him, but anyway, our government is going downhill, true, ANYONE could run for office, but like you said, you didn't give a shit anyway and as i scan through the pages of these questions i see various claims of what scum we are, we are no better than you are, and not all of the americans are the same!!! you're stooping to exact same low that you say we're at everytime you rant us!!! i'm personally offended because i don't fit into any of the stereotypes you have come up with for "all americans" i am not closeminded, i am not self centered, and damnit im not white trash!! or any trash for that matter!! so when you try to answer this with some sort of rambling, remember, you yourself claim over and over you see everyone as equal, but you constantly bitch about the americans, bit of a hypocrite there aren't we?
if you had numbered your questions it would have made it easier... but that's ok cuz you're american.  I resent and insult all people.  Tom green and drew are awesome... so thanks for sending them back and south park rocks.  You see, on this site we make fun of many different people.  We have a whole section on people who suck... you may want to see if you appear anywhere else on the list.  If you don't fit the stereotype, then good for you, you can carry on with your life and not give a shit what a sock monkey thinks of you.  In fact, I don't think you're american at all, but an alien pretending to be an american.  If you are indeed an alien, i would like to see any photographs that you may have of the rest of the universe.

when did boom boom time become so fun? --d`b "_"
when wasn't it?  I mean boom is okay... but without the second boom, fun can not ensue!

i only asked two questions dumbass, can't you count to 2? oh im sorry you're canadian what an immature little shit you are, you're what 23 and you have this whole sockmonkey bit going on, grow up
after 1 it all gets fuzzy... and gee... you didn't turn out to be an asshole american at all!!!  i'm sure glad you decided to show all of us that you americans can be light hearted and have fun too... i think you should be held up as an example of kindness to everyone!  thanks for coming out though, and i think your brittney spears concert is on tv... you don't want to miss that.

hey! im amerikan... well, i live ni in amerika, does that make me american??--Laser-Monkey
no silly, you are sockmonkian... just like all us insane sock monkeys are!

Am i the only person in the world? is everyone else programmed to do what they do and i am the only one that thinks for myself? When i look away does everything stop?, but when i look back it keeps going from a different point in time?. Why am i asking this when i know your programmed to reply in the way you were programmed to? People say they think the same, but i know they are programed to so i don't seem so strange. Finally, why won't they let me outside of this padded room? and why are people scared of me?
No, I'm here too.  No, you are all programmed to serve ME.  Yes, it does... its like the truman show... everyone has their parts.  I am the creator of this little reality, so it is you that doesn't really exist.  The padded room is the best place for you... its all comfy in there and no one is scared of you... its all in your head... or mine... since you don't exist...

for every stupid person in the world, is there always a group to go with him?
yes, always.... and usually a pop album too.

so then there was chesse right?
yes, and believe me, i was as shocked as you were.

why is a computer made up of 1's and 0's who ever came up with binary numbers should be shot. are u going to help us?
well they would have used 2s and 3s, but some of the programmers thought that 3 was an unlucky number.  And no, I'm not going to help you, maybe next time though.

you ever noticed how a lot of chicks seem to think they're cats or something? Its like a bitch gets pissed, HISS!!! shes all over you like white on rice, then they think its funny and blame you when you get pissed and call them a bitch, wierd isn't it....... TSOS
have you ever considered that maybe you're just meeting the wrong chicks? or that maybe you're incompatible with other humans?  its nothing to be ashamed of... but you will have to live in the woods away from everyone else.  Just make sure you get the internet... and every once in awhile go into the nearest town and kill a few sheep.

can you put that birthday message back on? its someones birthday soon, that i don't like.
P.S. Sockmonkeys rock, and i just hope that when i am 23 i am still as immature then as i am now
well it is still under articles... here's the link.  Damn straight sock monkeys rock and because of your immaturity... you are welcome to come back to this site any time you want!

Why is chucky lee a midget?
who the hell is chucky lee??? anyways... maybe he wanted to be a midget... did you ever think of that?

Does Santa Rape his elves?
Yes, that is where all those cabbage patch kids come from.

is joey lee a midget?
only on fridays.

santa is very mean, he is putting my kind to work. It's horrible I tell you. Elves are not really eleves, but short asians who have been abducted from china and forced into manual labor. He has made a super hybrid of strong psychotic sucidal eleves who like shiny objects and pick up things that other people drop. Shuold I kill santa he's a bastard and deserves to die because he has captured many of my kind. Due to the fact that my race is nearly extinct should I have vengeance upon that bastard?
Yes you should.  Be sure to invite the reindeer on your killing rampage, as they can fly, but most importantly they despise Santa and his stupid sleigh.

the new sock monkey is cool, but I think you should post the newer questions on the top, its more convenient that way.
well this way should be even easier for you people... and my mother made me that sock monkey. 

if americans are stoopid then what is george bush for?
he is the living embodiment of stupidity.

What happens when a cook at a resturant tells you to go get screwed because you complain about your food?
well i certainly wouldn't demand any food... unless you like the taste of urine.  I'd get out, and then later that night fling eggs at his windows.

didnt marry get pregnant before she got married? like come on here, shes not an adultrice, shes more of a slut, but not a sockmonkey because she wasnt as sexy
i don't know... i know she had other kids... and she's more of a celestial slut... unless she had sex with an alien.  Then she's a galactic floozie.  So you're right, she is no sexy sockmonkey.

people ask me when i'm gonna grow up. I tell them i am grown up. Fuck them.... wait, a question... um ok, Fuck them*?*--Laser-Monkey, Rat Shaped Jester of Red Phosphorus, and Potassium Chloride ( i love being a pyro, i get to confuse people with these big chemical explosive words).
Hmmm... after much thought and deliberation... I'm going to go with Yes, fuck them.  Thanks for the question.

what do I do when my office mate hears voices?
play along... until YOU hear the voices.  Then run away with them and start a voice farm.

have u been chosen yet??
twice, but I wasn't home.

have you given yourself the good question award? and by any chance was that man cheech marlin?ever hear "ear ach my eye"?that is one awsom song.--db"_"
no i haven't... i haven't had a good enough question.  uh... no...

Babies exist to replace us. Don't you think? ~P.N.
damn straight they do, but the people training them all are fuckups.  Plus, how come kids get all the best toys?  What's wrong with playing lego?  nothing... that's what.

I was a weird kid in high school. I would always talk about goats and nachos and sporks. I would always carry a spork with me at all times. The uses of this device were numerous. My group of friends were very supportive and would always ask for spare sporks, and I'd hook them up.  Things were not tranquil forever. There was one, a drama fag named Wade Izatt, who would stand to oppose me. He stood for the things I despised. He was an overachiever, the preppy girls loved him. His sense of humor could be likened to Bob Sagat, and yet he had fans.  So we did battle. In childish and juvenile ways, we took each other to the limits. He would break my sporks at any given oppotunity, and mock me. So one day he brought yogurt to eat for lunch. As he stepped away I stole his plastic spoon, and destroyed it, and returned to my seat with ninja like agility. As he continued with his lunch, he got to his yogurt and opened it. Then he looked around, and said "hey where's my spoon?" I then walked by and said "Gee, wouldn't it be nice if you had one of THESE?" and busted out a spork.   He was pissed. He grabbed his Dr Pepper and shook it so as to get it all over my backpack. This, I decided, was uncool. But now was not the time to act.   Later that week, there was another encounter in band class. I played saxophone, and he played trumpet, and thusly he was behind me. He began to ridicule me and my friend with Sagat quality insult, and I retorted as best I could. Eventually the words became more harsh, and at the end of class, battle begun. I quickly reached for a spork. He made an assinine comment, reached for the spork, stole it, destroyed it. I then reached into my coat and grabbed another and before he could react I struck. Deep into his shoulder with the three white prongs. And back out again. His skin turned red. I had drawn blood. He yelled "you dickhead!". But it had no effect. I exited the room. It was over. I had won.   isn't this a great story?
yes it is.  where do i get a bloody spork... my birthday is coming up and I've been a good sock monkey.

gibberish, there i typed it, and im going to do it again...gibberish, anyways..my sockenmonkeysteins have infact bred, when i awoke this morning i found my paisley female with a litter of sockbooties (a booty is a baby sock, not an arse) three little pink girls with lace, and two little blue and white boys with stripes, they're adorable, however i don't know who the father is, as none of the males have lace or blue and white stripes, so im beginning to think that my female is a lesbian and tried the turkey baster technique, i do have a butch lesbian sockenmonkeystein, shes a bit of a loner, and just sits on the shelfs all day, but who knows!!! i thought about giving them away to the neighbors when they're old enough, but i don't know if they can take care of them properly, do you know anyone who could give them a nice home?? p.s... if you're a sockmonkey, and you collect sockmonkeys wouldn't that make you a sockmonkey owner?, and wouldn't that be slavery??? and if your mom made that monkey featured on the site, then wouldn't it be your brother or sister??? or is that you?? ahh so many questions
well lets do these in order... i don't know anyone besides me or you who would give them a nice home.  I don't actually collect sockmonkeys, i open my home to them for as long as they need.  It would be slavery if i owned them and put them to work like finding all the bows on girls underwear and ripping them off.  Yes, it would be my brother or sister, but alas, it is me. Try not to laugh at my boots.  They have bells on them.  I like bells.  They annoy people.  That's why I like bells.

Why would I call you "Dick" if your name was Richard? Where in the heck do you get the Dick from???
i have wondered that many times... and the best i could come up with (without actually caring enough to look for the truth) is that the short form for richard is also Rick.  Now if many rick's were dicks, then you can see how the nicknamme of "rick the dick" would slowly just become "Dick".  I only know one rick that isn't a dick... and he's related to me... but all the others have been a dick in some shape way or form.  So i think that most ricks are indeed dicks... and that's why the nickname.

ya know, i love your bells. the add a snappy quality to you and i envy u. alas i would like to know how ur taste in boots became so refined as i would like to build mine
Well, felt is the ultimate material.  It is soft, and comes in many bright colors.  You can easily cut felt and nothing beats the warmth it offers on a cool night.  Red is a basic color, and for many, invigorating.  Green is a nice earthy color, and when you put them together, the only thing better is bells.  They're not in the picture, but i also have a matching hat and shirt.  Perhaps when i'm feeling a bit flighty, i'll take some pictures of them... you know... model them around for you all sexy like.

Why is everyone pissed??? Why am I talking to you??? Where is the wierdest place you've had sex??? Why is Donna so pissed off because everyone's in her house???
they're stupid.  you're silly.  in the underpants drawer.  those people never clean up the place before they leave, and that leaves her with hours of cleaning..

So a hypothetical. You buy a new potato gun from a guy in a new found glory shirt, and he has no pants. The question is, what color should the gun be and why not green? If the potato gun could shoot butterfingers... would they change the name? or leave it the same for copyright and production reasons? its for an essay. THANKSA@! Pudding!
The gun should be florescent orange, and green doesn't match the socks.  Yes, the name would be changed to fingersbutter, and the logo would be similar.  If this is for an essay, then i would also recommend providing purposed wrapper layouts for the fingersbutters, as well as a new bart simpson rip off for the commercials.

Why don't ant sock monkeys run for a polliticaloffice? they could win! unless half the polaticians in the world are sock monkeies in human suits, if so where can i get my sock monkey a human suit?
the trick is for YOU to get a sock monkey suit... you'll find out all you need to know after that.

Where can i get designer sock monkey clothing?
well, at this point i would say that you become a designer of sock monkey clothing... cuz there are no designers right now.

How can i become more involved in this wonderful haven from reality?
lots of money is always welcome... we are working on ways to get some interactivity going... within the next month they should be online.  did i mention lots of money so i can work full or even part time on only this?

Why am i a cheese nip addict why do i feel an urge to destroy all cheese its? what did Nabisco do to me?
they have turned you into a cheese-flavoring addict.  i am afraid the only way out is death.

Will there ever be an insane chat?
there was... but you people didn't visit it... sniff... so we deleted it in shame.

there is water in my water bottle, what should I do about this
drink it... quickly!

do you poo
sometimes daily!

Do you know why poop smells list all the colors of poop
it smells because it wants to, and all the colors of the rainbow.

fly flies away is it flying, or is it just a fly.
its a flying fly.  but if you fling the fly, watch out for your eye

o you have a baseball mit?
i did... i think its still at my parents... it was the oddest shade of green... i don't remember why though...baseball is boring anyways.  i do have a hockey stick though... 

dood, are bunkers real my mama says it is a figment of my imagination.
bunkers are sadly real.  many deny their existence (like your mama) because they do not want to accept the harsh reality of the bunkers.  the bunkers remind them of a more grizzly time, and they hope to eradicate the memory of bunkers by obliterating all reference to them.  keep the truth in your heart, for it will set you free.

can i run rampant?
only if insanity does.

do you take big smelly shits and stink up a miles radius with your shit?
i have not measured the radius, so i can't honestly answer your question.  my friend kevin has been known to wipe out a few species though...

I think my Sock Monkey is having an affair!!!! Everynight he comes home stinking of cheap sock monkey purfume and tequilla. I find sock monkey lip sick on his lil sock monkey shirts when i do his wash....is he cheating?
either that or having one hell of a crazy week.  hire a private sock detective and find out the truth... and if he is cheating, beat the stuffing out of him and rip off his tail, then beat him with it.

did Sid really make the band?
there are two parties of thought on this... and i'm not really well-versed with either.  i'd have to say the socks did.

my hands stuck in the toaster...ow...i smell pork....mmm..ow
this is not a question.  i am mentally sending you nasty dreams.

why did i kill Bob Barker with a shovel? Why are the police coming to my house, why i am in jail, why are people calling me suga bitch and fish? why is that man doing with the soap?
i would assume you killed him because he is annoying.  they are also calling you sweetcakes.  the soap is in case your skin tears... it will help keep the area clean.

why do burps taste beefy???? it's really grosss
 i have burps that taste kinda bubbly after i've had ginger ale.  sometimes they are enjoyable, sometimes they aren't.  but my burps are never beefy... maybe you should stop eating beef.

Every time I do something This person thatr was kinda my friend always nags about whats right and wrong. She won't stop fucking preaching shit. why the hell do people do that? She complains about how I'm gonna die of cancer and I'm gonna ruin my life. what the hell I'm gonna die anyways in my life time so why not enjoy myself? Why the hell should I have to be tormented by these preaching idiots? Everywhere I go someone is telling me how I should live my life. What are your thoughts on this situation?
well, some people need to be told what to do in life because they're too stupid.  For instance, if you smoke while you have a kid, or smoke with the kid nearby to inhale it, then you are fucking stupid and should listen up.  But if you aren't, then tell this chick that you have heard her concerns, thank her for them, and that you are choosing not to listen to her advice.  If she continues to preach, then tell her to fuck off and stop hanging out with her.  some people aren't worth listening to, and you need to identify them and remove them from your life.  As for people in general telling you how to live your life, do what makes you happy, but never inflict anything upon others unless you are willing to have the same done to you.   life can't be much simpler then that.  now send me money and you'll live forever.

is your mom single??
no, she is married to my dad.

why arnt cool things cool??
i'm not sure... i think humans are incapable of keeping things cool.  there is also the pesky problem of everyone's idea of cool being different.  bring on galaxia!

whats this thing i hear about witch craft??
you've probably heard that there is actually a real belief system that is called this.  no, not what you see in movies like the craft.  there are different types of witchcraft, and different names.  here is a link with real info... 
and if you send me money i'll put a spell on you to turn into a sock monkey

How far is Mars from earth
from about here...... to here.  not to scale obviously.

How hot is mars
depends on where you are on the planet, and what time of year it is.

r u gay
i'm not particularly gay today.... it's cold outside, so there is no sunlight to encourage my gayness.

why does someone want to masterbate and enjoy talking about it?
why wouldn't they?

why do cheese its have those lil edges on them
because you are using that knife with all the little edges on it.

does Santas elfs have a Elf Union...if so, where do I sign up?
they have more of a mafia. if they want you in, then you'll be invited.

What do sock monkeys eat?
depends on what they are hungry for.  i usually order in.

what is that thing for the good questions, is it a dino or a creeeeeeeeepy sock munky
its a creepy little bird head

how long can under arm hair grow? i hope long, i'd like to make a swing
it grows about as long as any other body hair... maybe a few inches or so, but not longer.  and for you morons... body hair does not include the hair on your head.  you will instead have to somehow bond all the hairs together to create a swing.

what are liver spots, are they made from liver?
yes, purely of liver.  your liver breaks up into globs and travels towards your hands.

why do u rarely give out the ass award even though questions are clearly retarded......
well there is one today... i should give them out more... perhaps i will

What are the words to The Shaving Cream Song?
oh... this is the shaving cream song... the shaving cream song... oh yea... shaving cream

how many presidents has the usa had.
too many... and i don't care... this isn't an insane question at ALL

why do u cal us freaks?
you are a freak... so i call you what you are

Why is Britney Spears such a mokey (not the sock type) . What a bad boob job .how obvious . oh ? from B in NZ
she is a monkey because she has been breed to do tricks and dance around in funny costumes.  Maybe her next show will feature some juggling and clowns.

why do boys have penises and girls have vaginas?
if they didn't, then how would we know if we were male or female?

HOW MUCH DOES IT COST YOU TO KEEP THE INSANE DOMAIN UP AND RUNNING I MEAN THE COST FOR WEB SPACE AND STUFF?-Pyro
well jcp usually handles that stuff for us... the hosting is only like $10 a month or something, and the domain name for two years is the same amount as any other domain.  As for the cost for my time... well no one pays for that except for me!  the web design is done by myself and jcp in our own time too.

my sock monkey's tail busted open, what ever shall i do, theres fluff all over the floor
oh no!  take it to the sock monkey hospital before more comes out!

what are the lil white spots in your nails
i think they are calcium build ups... or little listening chips the government or aliens (whichever conspiracy you like) puts in your nails while you sleep.

Did you have sex with my Mom????
not lately... but she has been phoning so she must be all horny again

why do chicks in the middle east where those things around their faces...thats not cool
well for them it is part of their culture... i'm not sure why though.  hopefully its not some sadistic anti-female thing again.

why does god hate me, and punish me and my spinich kids that live under the sea?
i punish you because you don't leave sock monkeys on my altar.  Your children are unruly... so i punish them as well.

What are baby pigeons called?
baby pigeons... or little shitters.... and some are called maurice.

Is it ok to have sex on exstacy
sure... why not?

Why are you guys such pissass morans?
because they are human... and most of their brains are contained in a very small area.

how do I find out if my girlfriend is cheating on me
ask her... or follow her around until she has you charged with stalking.

if people learn from their mistakes, then why do people get punished for making a mistake for the first time
just because you learn from your mistake doesn't mean you don't suffer the consequences.  they learn because they have to live with the consequences... otherwise why would they give a shit?

Can I have a menage a trois with you and your girlfriend?
i don't have a girlfriend... perhaps you, i and a few friends can have group sex.

I saw an Umpa Lumpa toy! What the hell is going on!?!? i'm scared..... ~P.N.
whoa! you should buy one for you and i... then we can have group sex with that!

heres a poem! sock monkey, drinking milk thats chunky, did a dance thats funky, skank monkey skank monkey.
this isn't a question... but that's a nice poem.

Why do i have to change my panties every 3 weeks?
if you turn them inside out you get another 3 weeks... and then put them backwards for another 2.

Does Jenifer Lopez EVER where clothes?
doubtful... she is flaunting it while she has it... eventually she'll become some losers bitch and gain 300 pounds.  boy i can't wait!

which sock munky baby is your fav? Love Maire
i love all my sock monkeys equally!

Can i be your sock munky? love Marie
what kind of socks are you made from?

You taste like yummy cotton candy, how'd ya do that? love the monsters under your bed
i rub myself with cotton candy daily... and i'll see you guys tonite... wink wink nudge nudge... i'll be waiting with nothing but my socks on!

where was the first freaken public library built at? freak
probably at that place that's really old and has shelves filled with dust.

who's to say sane isnt insane, and vice versa?
i am... and since you're just a figment of my imagination you can't argue.

R U GAY?????????
no, today i'm tired.  what is everyone preoccupation with my being happy?  if you want me to be happy then send me lots of money.

are you funky? are you fresh? are you funky fresh? i know i am.--db"_"
yes, yes and not quite yet... you'll have to send some tips on combining the two for me.

the wizard of oz is a cocain addict!theres something "frrreaky" going on with those poppys, dont you think?--db"_" ha ha ha......... ha
the poppies are definitely proof of a opium addiction that Dorothy must battle before she can go to the emerald city.

how do you make acid and meth and crack and coke and pcp and lsd and c4 and atomic bomb and liquid fire and heroin
very carefully.

i see nakie women in the wall but every time i try to fondle them i jam my fingers what should i do
use your tongue instead.

the man behind the tv wont leave me alone n i cant sleep with him looking at me like that how me get rid him
cover yourself with tinfoil and jam.  he won't be able to see you for awhile if you lie real still.

the cigarrete gnome keeps stealing my smokes HELP!!!!
quit smoking and he'll have nothing to steal!

a curly haired frog raped me how this happen without me wanting it
well if you lie around all naked by the pond with frog food sprinkled all over your ass, i don't think you can exactly say you didn't want it.

i got my sister pregnant what do i do
go get a damn job to pay for the kid.  maybe people like you should invest in condoms... they're a lot cheaper then kids.

am i crazy if i always think about screwing cats dogs donkeys dead people babies little children and old people cuz i like my vegatables its a bitch helpin into there wheel chair
yes.  yes you are crazy.  and stay out of my yard... my cat hates you.

I had an eyebrow piercing and it literally lost skin. I had an 18 gauge straight barbell and skin was disappearing. Should I get a 16 gauge curved barbell or should I just go with a hoop? And why the fuck would I lose skin like that? This happened to a few of my female friends. Is it a female thing? (I'm a female by the way) HELP?!
i don't know if its a female thing or not.  i do know that my eyebrow ring did the same thing and i had a small hoop.  perhaps we just have skin that regenerates enough to push out foreign objects quickly?

You want me to buy the Umpa Lumpa toy so you could have sex with it? Or did you meant me? or both? I hate Umpa Lumpas, they're creepy!!! ~P.N.
both really... and yes, i think they are creepy... but their bums are kinda cute when they dance.

why is it when somthing goes up everyone expects it to come down?  jeff
because humans like to put all their faith in this thing they call 'gravity'.  i don't know about you, but it sure sounds like a bunch of propaganda.

how should you ask someone if they are a pathalogical lier
well if you just straight out ask, if they are, they will lie.  if they aren't, they won't lie.  but you won't know if they're lying or not... so basically you just have to ask them a bunch of obvious questions, and if they lie for them all, then they are.
  smashing open their skull and digging out their brains with a spoon sometimes works... but not very well.

Where can I see porn? I am a fouteen year old male.Please help me. I am very perverted and need something to look at while I jackoff.
the best option for you due to your age is in your own head.  just imagine whatever your perverted little mind can think of.  and if that fails, get a friend with one of those 'special' cable boxes and any time after 11pm, start scanning the pay per view channels for some porn.

we'll be wating.....chomp chomp bam...love the monsters under your bed  ps...try rubbing your self in honey mustard
this isn't a question... stupid monsters.  i think i'll wet the bed through to you tonite...

im glad u liked my chunky milk monkey poem
this isn't a question either... i'm gonna have to start spanking you stupid monkeys and monsters with bamboo rods.

Is the Gap owned and operated by evil groupie robots from mexico?
yes.

if i had sex with my granpa my grandpa has sex with my niece and has a child the child has sex with my brother what do i call my brothers kid
brat... or maurice.

i caught my best friend humping my pillow repeatedly...what i do
well i would highly recommend changing your pillowcase before you go to sleep tonite.

how do i make a sock monkey.....with bells
you pray to the monkey gods to leave you one on your doorstep.  making one is a lot of work.

Can I man's eyes die and the rest of the man keep on living? I thought of this question while I was in the stage between dreaming and awake. And about that Umpa Lumpa toy, it's gone, I guess someone likes Umpa Lumpas after all. ~P.N.
i think that the answer is yes... simply because people have lost eyes and continued living.  and we must find this umpa-lumpa loving person and destroy them.

i have three cats and i take care of them and when they take over will i be spared?
you will be put to menial manual labor... nothing back breaking.  if you build them little tunnels and cat houses before they take over, then you may be given the prestigious job of kitty-litter scooper!

I am an alien from a far away planet and I have realized that you and this site is the most intelligent thing on this planet of stereotypes and "bullshit" I hope to conquer your planet and make you the king of earth so that you can stop other fools from making stupid mistakes.
finally some recognition!  but alas... no title such as king or queen for me... i prefer DC Ruler Of Insanity And All Things Jiggly.  boy... if i could take over the earth... sigh... and uh... can i see your spaceship?

Okay, why is it that socials teachers (especially the abnormally hippie type ones) won't show videos with indians drinking, or even say the word indian, yet when the bastards will show films of scottish people always drunk, even going so far to laugh when they say something along the lines of "But we have never seen Angus MacPherson sober"...?this seems like such a double-standard, and i as a scottish-canadian am very offended.
that is a good question to ask your teacher.  i think you should ask your teacher and tell us what they said.  it is a double-standard...

give me some pictures on photosynthisis with light and one without
no

I had a dream that my brother had a baby called Eric with spiky blonde hair. What does this mean? p.s. He took him swimming, hmmm...
well, the fact that your brother could give birth is interesting in itself.  besides that, the blond spiky hair means rough times ahead and swimming means that you'll be forced to pee in a pool. 

is it possible for someone to cum while masterbating if they have'nt hit peuberty?
uh... i don't know.  how about you give it a try and let us all know.

where do sock monkeys come from?
from stores, sock monkey trees or my mother

how are cabage patch kids grown?
if i told you, then you could grown your own army of hugging children... and quite frankly, i don't want to take that risk until mine have been properly trained to fend off such an attack.

what is your favorite band? do you listen to them while having sex?
do monkeys march in a line when the circle is broken?
mr bungle or faith no more... not lately... and yes they do.

do robots dream?
i think that some do... kryten the mechanoid dreams of gardens that he grew all by himself.

is it fashion or disease?
i'd have to say a little of both... with a dash of stupidity.

what color are your eyes?
usually blue... sometimes they're grey.

do you know daneel?
not personally, as he will be built in the future along with giskard.

if i leave out my socks for the sock fairy... will he turn them into a sock monkey?
only if you've been a good little human and gone to this site at least 40 times.  
If you haven't, then he'll fill your socks with shit.

what was the last one you went to... a funeral or a wedding?
a funeral.

how many parts of your body do you shave?
depends on my mood really...

why dont you tell ppl what your sex is? i know your not a monky
yes i am a monkey... but it doesn't really matter what sex i am does it.

if you could be anyone in the world... who would you be?
i'd be myself... i'm already used to this body and it would be a bitch to figure out a new one.

what do you see right now?
i see my monitor, a painting on the wall, a tree, and a window.  my cat is also licking her feet.

what cd have you heard the most in the last week?
California by mr bungle.  its quite insane...

what was the last movie you saw?
meet the parents... it was ok... but i'm glad i didn't have to pay to see it.

do you find that organs are creepy?
depends on whose organs they are and how well they keep them cleaned.

are u gonna have mor surveys and stuff soon?
yes.  we're changing servers and we'll have way more space.  i'll be putting together some insane surveys, and jcp will be making some forms for various things.

do you spy on your neighbors?
i used to... but these neighbors are boring.  they have a very large dog though.

i like drawings... can i have a drawing from you?
sure, download it from the downloads section... some of my doodles are there.  if only there were a market for paintings... cuz we've got some cool ones here.

flowers stink. do u agre?
yes.  lilies are the worst.

whats inside a bowling ball? jello? brains? what is it?
i'm not sure... drop one from the top of a large building and make it split open... then let us know what's in there.

what makes a freak? when do u become a freak, is there like a test that goes along with it, what if your a freak and don't know it, what if your not a freak, and don't know it...why does cody spray me with the butter scotch spray paint....so on a so forth
i'm not sure exactly what makes someone a freak, as it depends largely on the perception of those around the so called freak.  for instance, in a society of insane people, the sane person is the freak.  if you think you're a freak, maybe you are just wanting to be a freak, which in a way makes you a freak, but not the freak you wanted to be.  and cody does that so he can lick it off you...

I'm sure this has been asked, but, can cheese be made from human milk ?
i don't think this has been asked yet.... i think i'd remember it.  i don't know, but find a lactating chick and milk her (i'm feeling sick just thinking about it), then try to make cheese. report back to us on how it went... and what it tasted like.  maybe you'll find a way for all those chicks that do nothing but shoot out babies all day to make some money and actually contribute more then another fucking brat to society.

Do you have your own ideas of what's right and what's wrong? Sometimes I say something and people say "that's wrong!" But to me it's right. I only know one person who has his own ideas of right and wrong. ~P.N.
p.s. I'll try to find this Umpa Lumpa loving freak
yes i do have my own ideas about wrong and right... usually i voice them... but have tried to keep them from being inflicted horribly on this site.  so now you know a guy and a sock monkey that has their own ideas.  i usually get that 'you're not right' speech too... so then i just bitch slap them and they suddenly go away.  and who says having sock monkey sex is wrong?  they're consenting!  what's the problem?!  they like it when i tie them up!

WHY IS ESTROGEN USED AND WHAT IS IT?
it is used as an excuse to be a complete bitch every month... oh... no that's not estrogen.  estrogen is that stuff that makes girls isn't it?

why does this little pink fairy vfollowing me? dO YOU THINK THAT HE'S GAY AND WANTS SOME ACTION?
he likes you... and i'm not sure if he's gay or not... you should ask him... but tell him that a friend of yours is interested.  then you can decide to pursue him or not

WHAt ARE SOME REALLY BAD CURSE WORDS THAT ARENT USED OFTEN
all the curse words are overused anyways so you're reduced to sub-cursing.  I use words such as twit, dirty-whore, fuck-up, primate, dick-lick, cock-breath, ass-lick, and various groupings of these words.  It isn't just the words you're saying... its the intelligence (or lack thereof) behind it.  Insulting is more of an art then cursing is.  Most people just curse to show their lack of vocabulary... 

WHY DO GUYS SHOW EVERYONE THEIR THING!
somehow they think that if they show off the goods, that it will attract more shoppers.  all it does is amuse the public and scare away whatever clientele they may have gotten. 

WHY DO LITTLE CHILDREN LIKE TO RUN AROUND NAKED?!?!?!?!?
little children? don't we all want to run around naked?  we're just not free enough anymore because we've gone and grown up... damnit... i think i'll go run around naked right now

HOW DO U HAVE SEX?
depends on the day and the partner... sometimes i like to tie up my sock monkey lover and whip them with my tail... other times i like it soft and fluffy... other times i invite over a whole sock monkey tribe and we all go at it for days. and sometimes i like to take pictures of it all... here is the gallery...