fell in the middle of a forest, with no-one around to hear me...
would i die from excessive blood loss from a gash in my leg
caused by falling on that damn bracken? hmmm!
Neither. You would die from the silence of
no one giving a shit.
studying the idea of starting a midget farm, i think this is
a very good idea, i would be able to sell midgets to people
that can aford a fair price, these midgets would be peerBreed
cute midgets with cute pet names like "Fluffy" "Rover"
and "Spot". people are often saying how cool it would
be to have a midget, but the thought has accurd what would these
people use these midgets for? "besides kinky sex"
Midgets are great for kiddie pools. They fit
in there nicely. Try it! And sell the pools with
them. I'll take two.
you seen anything on the internet about chemtrails, and have
you seen any evidence of them in your area?
I have seen many ufos around here... but never on
the Internet. Oh wait... chemtrails... i have no comment.
you used to be my hero, but then you had to go and insult my
much bigger hero, Lars Ulrich, so I'm going to have to kill
you now. That's right, I am coming to kill you and steal your
cat and all your sock monkeys. How do you feel about that?
I think it's kinda amusing. Sorry I had to
diss him, but damn... why doesn't he shut up? He should
just play the drums like they pay him to. I'm waiting for you...
are the only mammals with belly buttons. Why dont cats and dogs
have belly buttons?
I've already answered this... I said that their cords
were never cut off, and that that's what their tails are.
Because of this, they do not have belly buttons.
DC, What was your new years resolution? and what do you think
of the word "spiffy", I have used this word for a
long time, and now everyone seems to be saying it..everywhere,
It made me quite paranoid, but now I'm just angry, everyone
always criticized and laughed at poor spiffy, and now everyone
loves it, and abuse it to fit in, when i hear them say it, i
just want to punch them in the face, my mom said it the other
day, and i actually drew my fist back, but she apologized, so
could you please help me come up with a new, BETTER, adjective?
I don't make resolutions. Spiffy is a damn
spiffy word. Hmm... I got called an 'old person' cuz I
used it the other day. Funkliscous is the word I use....
feel free to use it as well.
do chinese waiters and waitresses seem to be pissed off when
I ask for chop sticks? They don't even give them to me, I have
to get up and steal some.
Why not buy your own and take them around with you?
And they're just pissed cuz they don't know how to use them.
you seen any of the Aphex Twin videos like "come to daddy"
or "window licker"?
No, and I've never heard of them. I have however,
heard Acid DC and it rocks. Also, for those who like really
strange and heavy shit... digital hardcore's Schizoid rocks...
for those who need it... http://www.mp3.com/aciddc
gone last weekend and while I was gone my brother let 2 strangers
have sex in MY bed! I'm sooo grossed out and pissed off. The
strangers didn't even clean up their mess and left the used
condoms all over the floor. I made my brother clean up the mess,
but I'm still grossed out and very pissed off. What should I
do? I can't even enjoy sleeping in my bed anymore without thinking
about what those diseased crab infested strangers did. I feel
violated. How could I get back at my brother?
Well I would switch beds with him, or make him buy
you a new one. If neither of those work, have sex
in his bed, or at least leave the appearance of it. Then
paint everything he owns pink and slap NSYNC stickers all over
his car (or school locker depending on his age).
about 'that' old.
we have sex?
probably cuz i told you i loved you... but i lied.
i addicted to this site? - love the new look by the way- i thought
the hitch hikers guide to the universes books rocked - did you?
rock, i mean.
because all good things are addictive. glad
you liked the look. Yes, I just finished reading those
books yesterday. For once, I'm not bullshitting you...
it that the game TETRIS is so fucking stupid, but yet so fucking
adicting?? SINGED: DeadRatMonkey
I'm not sure... if I knew, I wouldn't have over thousands
and thousands of lines done on my game boy...
no idea that the dead puppys quote would be so important to
this site when i submittedit awhile back.acctualy its the title
of a song, dont know the bands name thats why i credited dr.demento.
anyways why is it that people or at least most teenagers wont
shut up about their sexual experiances.sometimes they say something
cool but i only need to hear it once.did you know my girl friend
calls me a slut? also why do i feel a bit uncomfterble if im
not wearing at least 1 artical of black clothing?do you feel
the same way?--db"_"
I don't recall you ever sending that quote in, but
either way, it IS Dr. Demento that does that song, and that
is why I gave HIM credit for it. Teenagers don't shut
up period, so the best way to handle the problem is to steer
the conversation to something you can tolerate.
My monkey is a slut. Black clothing is the only type that
should be sold. I always am wearing black.
shall get straight to the point.For what must be 5 years now
i have been trying to destroy the universe.Sofar i have been
thwarted in every attempt.I was wondering if you good people
at insane domain could help ?
Certainly! Just start up a religion... and after
everyone has joined, have them kill themselves. Or buy
up a McDonalds and continue what they're doing now... don't
tell me that world domination isn't what they're after!
you call me insane if i were to drink my on piss and sky dive
with a bike at the same time? is love really so stupid that
you have to buy it in a box from E-bay? does EVERY ONE really
have a uncle Tom?-it sure seems so SIGNED: DeadRatMonkey
No, I'd call you stupid. Yes. I have
two uncle toms.
people seem to have to fit EVERY swear they can into a sentance
Because they have such a limited vocabulary that
the only words they can think of are those. If you taught
them 10 new words, they'd forget all the swearing. Next
time someone does that, start spewing off different words to
them until they either learn or go away.
Are you Jesus?
Because I firmly believe that you r the messiah.
well i am... but i sure ain't jesus.
I am DC the insane messiah sock monkey.
love me DC I still love you, you should have pictures of you
guys on your site.
of course i love you... and by love i mean give me
your money and i'll pretend to love you in public. And
i think there are a few pictures of us... maybe just one with
jcp & poptart on it though... i'm not sure anymore but i'll
be updating pictures soon anyways.
of the band who who first sang "dead puppies" was
the(drum roll please)......The ogden edsl wahalia bluse ensembe
mondo bizzario band! dont belive me go to the dr.d web site
go to to playlist aug.18 1996.and it was me that sent the quoet
in i know my own bad spelling when i see it. anyways was the
cyclops fighting the 5 headed monster until it cried? doyou
ever wrap yourself up in plasic?i know i do:)boom boom and bye
Good job jr. insane child. Well, I did actually
make the quote up while listening to it, but great minds think
alike... and fools seldom differ. Yes, the cyclops did
cry, but the whole incident ended many years later on a talk
show. I have not wrapped myself in plastic, as i do not
really like plastic. I have wrapped myself in nothing
and ran around though. Frightened my poor cat.
not HIS song but he has sung it.i will find out who sang the
song first.as far i know he just sings songs that are already
out or he revamps them, like that shaving cream song.do you
know wich one im talking about? anyways "love" that
evidende of crying baby found it reminds me of the onion.www.theonion.com(you
can delete this if you want to but i recommend you go there
yourself)ive seen some smart people turn to stupid people why
is it that they choose to become stupid people?stay freaky --db"_"
Ahhh... and here I thought it was his song... I have
been LIED to by TV. I'm glad you liked the crying baby...
and smart people can become stupid people many different ways.
They could be very stupid in relationships, or just think they
are so smart that they don't realize when they've veered off
track. Plus, TV is constantly trying to convince people
to be stupid and to not think for themselves.
every time I heat up a chicken pot pie the middle of it is always
because it has been designed to infururate the common
people of the world. the government is using you in an
experiment... testing the limits of your frustration.
they are trying to figure out how humans think, so they can
create robots to replace us. stay away from those pot
pies... and whatever you do... don't let them get to you.
i really kill, kill, kill the poor tonight?
no way... kill the rich! Start off with any
owners of FOX tv... and anyone who is even thinking of watching
the pathetic survivor rip off that is designed for stupid fuckers
to watch and think "hey! Tempting someone to break up is
a great thing... it's legal prostitution!"... then go to
mcdonalds owners, and kill them. Drop off the heads to
bill gates, and go home. Be sure to send us pictures.
ever i go to visit my granny at the old folks home, i always
have a panic attack, kick her face in with her own orthopedic
shoes, and steal her Rascal and go to mexico to buy Velvet elvis
paintings and crack, how can i stop this...i'm runing out of
Well, I would suggest simply buying your grandma
a computer, having it delivered and installed for her, and you
two communicate through video. That way you can still
get money from her on your birthday, and you can always fake
a computer glitch and ignore her for weeks..
robot keeps stealing my sandwhich, how can i get him to stop?
make two sandwiches, give one to the robot to eat.
Ask it what type of sandwiches it likes to avoid beatings.
is a wish bone mustace?
when the mustache is long enough for two people to
grab an end and pull until the mans face splits in two.
If you have the biggest piece at the end, you get to eat his
brains and make a wish.
ever i eat alot of Shrooms and Cold Ez, i always see a 7 foot
tall Mars bar by the name of Charles, well.....Charles and i
are friends, how can i still visit my friends and not be wacked
out?.......love Beck "may i check your prostate" marie
Well, you could try depriving yourself of sleep for
days, or simply whacking yourself on the head until you do see
have no thumbs how do you hitchhike?---Monkey
Duh... I use my electronic thumb.
wow... 3 monkey butts... you better come up with some good questions
next time to make up for this.
someone with a pen once, have you ever done that? I tried stabing
my boyfriend with a french fried but he tried the same thing.
Anywho, my question is, how can I stop this behavior? Or should
I just give in to it and stab everyone I see... or only stupid
I have been stabbed in the forehead with a pen by
someone once... why would you stop? Stabbing people with
french fries is perfectly acceptable behavior. You can
stab stupid people with the crispy over cooked fries.
why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?---Monkey
This has already been answered somewhere here.
Get more original anyways...
if you stand on a toilet are you high on pot?---Monkey
No, you're some idiot on a toilet thinking about
stupid things and you should have your head flushed down the
if huddle house is open 24 hours a day 7 days a week why does
it have locked doors?---Monkey
I have already answered this too.
custodial engineer hell is a sock monkey
A sock monkey is great for stopping drafts from coming
under the door.
you bastards won't let anyone contribute to people that suck?
Are you afraid I might say you?
No, it's because we don't have enough time to set
up the forms, go through the info and put it online. Plus,
we're funnier then you.
of you here really have sock monkeys your not telling about?
Well I have quite a few... I have a girl one, a boy
one, a small one, an even smaller one and a tree ornament one.
Who cares about anyone else?
really satisfies then why do they make king sizes??
Duh... the king size ones are for the kings... it
satisfies them. They are better then you and I.... didn't
you know that?
a freak yourself
know who i am
no, and nor do I care!
you happen to be in need of a massiah?
Absolutely not. I take responsibility for my
own actions... I don't need you to blame them on.... but thanks
for the offer.
gay? I'm not feeling very gay today, and I scared my cat. What
do you do when you don't feel gay? ~P.N.
Well, I just watch all the Shirley Temple movies
I can find and learn a few of the dances. That always
does the trick.
are for kids, how come there aren't more pimps in kindergarden?
because bunnies are sick and twisted creatures...
besides that... i don't know, kids suck.
and jesus; are they really so different? Both hairy, neither
is/was liked by Jews, they both come alive again a few days
later, despite repeated pokings, and the majority of people
only turn to them in complete desperation... I think I am onto
well let's continue the comparisons... both are sold
to the masses, you really don't want to know the truth about
them, crazy people consume extensive amounts, and those who
stay away from them are usually better off. I think you
are onto something.
my sock monkey is gay, what should i do?
Buy it another sock monkey. Then send them
both to me. Plus, to me gay has two meanings, each completely
different depending on how used.
1.Gay. A person who prefers the same sex as they are as
a mate. Although I don't really care either way what people
like, as long as they leave me out of it unless I want to be
in it, I am sometimes forced to use this word in the context
that I just listed. I know you're asking yourself...
"so what does DC use instead of the word gay?"
Well, I don't use anything. Two people together are two
people together. They each have a name, they can be referred
to as a couple. I don't see the problem people have, but
I'm a sock monkey... so maybe it's a human limitation.
I prefer to use gay in the following way...
2. Gay. Something that is lame. As in, "that
movie was gay". Movies that I consider gay...
Beaches. Any movie with a kid as the star made by disney.
Any movie with an animal as the star. Scream. Blair
Witch. Any movie with a britney spears song in it.
Any movie where some nerd is miraculously made gorgeous and
becomes popular. Did that answer your question well enough?
turns the sock monkey on?
a pile of rotting turkey gizzards and some new stuffing.
puplic service i will teach you to say promisscuous i lin speak.do
you want to learn?too bad.ready?wicked sluty.that clear enough
for you? did you know another meaning for the male belly-button
is sperm bank.ok we all know about stupid people but why do
they exsist?nature or nurture, both, none?how?--db"_"
They exist because they're stupid parents are too
stupid to know that they shouldn't breed. Hold me closer,
keep me near my underwater love. Sometimes death doesn't
mean a thing.
stalked by a gay were-wolf wearing pink spandex. what should
The obvious! Offer the wolf a soy snack and
start a yoga program. Then we'll sue you for using
our idea. Then you'll sue because that's what happens.
Then counter-sue and after our lawyer is done, we'll have the
pink spandex as well as a delightful soy snack.
you ever been tied bent over a chair with a dynamite stick up
your ass herd a match strike behind you and then heard the devil
says "IT'S BOOM BOOM TIME."?also have you ever thought
that all people lie to themselves too much?--db"_"
To the best of my knowledge, I have never spoken
with the devil, much less engage in sexual activities with him/her.
Of course all people lie to themselves too much... most people
actually think that they matter!
the days when we were able to make people's genitals grow wings
and fly away?damb those were good days.....good days......--db
Indeed they were... Sometimes I like to pretend
I'm there again...
the bg deal with christmas. Its a shitsuckers holiday. Why get
more preasants on Christs birthday than on mine. i dont care
if he is the son of god its just not right.
Well, if there wasn't any xmas, can you imagine what
other commercial nightmare they'd force on us in the name of
religion? We're lucky we get presents and not burnt at
we petty americans celebrate thanksgiving? Is it supposed to
make us feel all warm and fuzzy to remenice about how we invaded
this country and killed off all our native americans? sheesh.
That's the american way! Embrace your heritage!
Soon you'll be consuming oil like no tomorrow, carrying guns
around cuz all the 13 year olds have them, and eating as much
McDonals shit you can possibly get your fat hands on.
Also, arrange a skiing trip in July for Toronto... it's always
snowing there! Ahhh... that felt better.
it's funny. People ask you questions like they think you're
God or something and you're just another person and no you're
not a sock monkey you pinhead! I'm so tired of Evolution! One
thing I know is that I didn't come from a freakin' monkey! You
suck! How can you hate Christmas? You must be some kind of retard
to have a website like this! What's worse, is that people actually
treat you like you're superior to them! It feels good to get
that off my chest!
Yes I am a sock monkey, how would you even know if
I was or wasn't? You came from that sticky brown goo found
under rocks. Yes I suck, but only when it tastes good.
Retarded people shouldn't be made fun of... that's just they
way they are. Glad to see you're feeling better... it
was great chatting with you. And for those who do think
I'm god, well that is just not right. It's not my fault
people born to die each day, and that stupid fucking people
come to your door each sunday... I'm just a sock monkey.
baby predators cuter than baby harmless creatures? ~P.N.
cuz stupid humans like the idea of predators being
cute at some point. All cats are gorgeous no matter their
feels the same. What should I do?
Change your routine... and buy new clothes.
is my purpose for being a human?
To die. That's it. We have an article
on what it means to be human... but i'm too lazy to link to
it right now. Go find it yourself under articles.
you ever seen a baby pigeon? where do they come from? me and
my friends have talked about this and still have'nt recieved
a possible answer.layla
no, and i would assume they come from large squids
who shoot out the babies. They then float to the top of
the water, then dry out and fly away to start shitting on buildings.
reason people live is to die, then what about us immortals?
your reason to live is to live. immortals are
more in a hell situation then the short lived ones. life
is a parade of events that whiz by and then suddenly stop altogether.
For immortals, its just one long boring parade.
hell do people ask if you're insane? Can't they read the name
of this web site?
well, people are just stupid. humans are masters
of the obvious, and they never cease to point it out.
chatting shit to my dad one day and he told me that my cheese
had slid off my cracker. But i wasn't eating a fuckin cracker...I
don't even like em!!! Was he hallucinating or is he seriouly
trying to screw with my head, man? p.s. a sock monkey keeps
prodding me in the middle of the night. If you don't tell him
to stop it, i'm gonna get hold of it, cover the fucker with
a pillow and suffocate it until it stops breathing! that'll
teach him...don't ya think??
Did you check the floor for your cheese?
Why do you have problems with the sock monkey prodding you?
If you don't like it, what's it doing in your place in the middle
of the night? Exactly!
do Butlers get paid? I cant find out and its driving me mental.
I honestly don't know... but maybe 15 or 20 cookies
would do it for a day of service.
I'M BACK!! My name is different now. arent you going to kill
-Laser-Monkey, formerly known as GrimmKaos
No, actually I'm not. Maybe some other time.
a question that maybe schizoid should answer. where in hell
can i find CRASS pictures? i've never seen a picture of even
one member, but on the other hand, i don't have all their albums,
so maybe they're in there. please help!
I'll forward that to schizoid tomorrow.
i just like that little fade thing your site does.
thanks... we had forgotten it was there... a little
transition effect from old front page... enjoy
OH SHIT!! Crass
kicks ass! I know a site with cool Crass pics heres the address:
Crass is great! Do they owe us a living?? OF COURSE THEY
-Laser-Monkey, a.k.a GrimmKaos.
Well there you go.
diferent stages of photosynthisis? honestly do you know
The Steps in Photosynthesis
1) The light energy strikes the leaf, passes into the leaf
and hits a chloroplast inside an individual cell.
2) The light energy, upon entering the chloroplasts, is captured
by the chlorophyll inside a grana.
3) Inside the grana some of the energy is used to split water
into hydrogen and oxygen.
4) The oxygen is released into the air.
5) The hydrogen is taken to the stroma along with the grana's
remaining light energy.
6) Carbon dioxide enters the leaf and passes into the
7) In the stroma the remaining light energy is used to combine
hydrogen and carbon dioxide to make carbohydrates.
8) The energyrich carbohydrates are carried to the plant's
9) The energyrich carbohydrates are used by the cells to drive
the plant's life processes.
i wear my black underwear or my green ones?
go for the green if you think or plan on someone
DOES IT TAKE ECSTACY TO GET OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM?
well that depends on how you installed it.
Look for the uninstall program. If you still feel happy
and loveable, then hit yourself in the head until everything
turns black. When you awake, it should all be over.
the deal with old people?
buy one... get two free.
you are messed up! I just wasted about three minutes of my life
on your website! I know you're sock a sock monkey because you
obviously got the ability to type worthless crap on a web page!
I also know that there is a God and I did not come from sticky
brown goo! Well I've just wasted another couple minutes typing
That wasn't a question at all.... but nice to hear
from you little brown goo. Come back again real soon and enjoy
more of the site!
women really get pregnant by having sex with a dog?
i'm not too sure about that... but uh... that sure
would explain a LOT.
prefer carrots dipped in garlic sauce, or roasted elephant tongue?
Carrots all the way... especially since I don't eat
meat... and I don't think elephant would taste too good anyways.
I wonder... if all you fed to an elephant was peanuts... would
it taste mildly peanut buttery? no... i didn't think so
there were reviews for shit and stuff... what the hell happened??
where are they? do you like apple cider?-Laser-Monkey
we still have the reviews... somewhere. we
took them down cuz it was a pain in the ass to update.
we're looking into making it database driven... but we're lazy.
And yes, I do like apple cider.
all and all i wore my red underwear and when my lady saw them
i got the wacky coment of "hey red underwear" i then
had no underwear, so how was your evening?
Fine I suppose, I have a bit of a headache.
i would just like to know why i did not get an abswer to a question
i was seriously asking, not joking kine.
we don't answer questions round here... we just raise
them chickens.... and sock chickens.
I am but one sock monkey, although I feel sometimes,
forced to hang out with my really old grandma for the weekend.
What fun things can I do at my grandmas house?
Hide her medicine... see what family secrets she's
willing to spill to get them back. Record them all...
make a living off the blackmail fees. What an opportunity
do I see so many perfect looking people wearing abercrombie?
Whats up with that store?
huh? never heard of it. and perfect looking
people are always perfect bitches or perfect assholes.
stay away from any brand they wear... it's the tag to a bad
time that only looks good from the outside.
shit would taste like peanut butter. Wow! a new way to make
peanut butter!! -Laser-Monkey
New? how do we know they don't make it that
Macintosh is the spawn of satan, and they must all be destoyed.
What do you beleive? -DS
I believe that spawn is a wicked cartoon, and that
it shouldn't be destroyed. I only know one person with
a Mac, and they love it... but then he is Johnny Poptart Graphic
ARE YOU SAYING
YOU CAN'T IDENTIFY THE BLOOD TYPE JUST BY LOOKING AT IT? HA!
Since I am but a novice... I am still
at the stage where I have to taste the blood found in feces
before I can identify it. And most times I'm wrong and
have to do a re-tasting.
I seriously believe McDonalds is on a conspiericy for world
domination. Do you agree? Damn over-priced bastards.
They are in the business of real estate and advertising.
The whole food thing is just a sham to hold the whole thing
together. If you don't like it... don't eat there and
do people like the taste of blood? Like licking someone else's
small cut???? Why is that almost arousing?
Well, blood is kinda salty... but has a unique flavor.
The human stomach can't handle a whole lot of it, so small cuts
work the best. It's almost arousing because blood is the
essence of life, so by taking in someone else's blood, it's
can be perceived as being quite intimate.... or psychotic...
either way make sure they agree to it before you do it.
are you going to put a picture of yourself DC in your pictures
section, I love you , I'd love to see what you look like. Did
I mention I love you??? love the Ice Pryncess , PS- bet you
thought i had forgotton you, never............
oh yes... pictures. well maybe i will put up
pics sometime. I think only jcp and johnny poptart are pictured
now. No you didn't mention that you loved me... but feel
free to mention it again... with cash and cds... i really like
people who do that for me... I'll even love you back for awhile.
I am really embarrassed to be writing this, but I really need
help. I'm a 30 year old lady that baby-sits two little
kids. One is 11 and the other is 3. I'm in love
the 11 year old. I really love him in a non-motherly way,
but more of a concubine way. I need your help, as I think
he likes another 11 year old.
PS - I'm married and have 13 kids. If you don't
answer my plea for help, I'll start babysitting your kids.
Well, I know one thing is for certain, I sure don't have to
worry about my kids cuz I don't have any. As for your
problem, I suggest you stop babysitting this great big hunk
of a man. Go out and try to find a job at the market or
some store. It'll take your mind off it for awhile.
Try to go for someone your own age next time, or perhaps even
grow better under colored lights? i need a damn answer jerk
it is for my science fair project!!!
well... I have already answered a similar question
to this... and I will copy what I said then and give it to you
know... just so you don't have to waste your time reading through
it all yourself...
Well, as far as what is in "Color Psychology and Color
Therapy" by Faber Birren, experiments were done with plants
and different colors by Dr. Withrow. He found that responses
differed for long-day and short-day plants. In long-day
plants, the greatest response occurred in the red region.
Under yellow, green, and blue the plants did not grow tall or
flower, but the foliage was abundant. A plant treated
under infrared did not flower. With short-day plants,
supplementary red light hindered flowering. Now you don't need
to go to any other site, but you may want to go to library or
get the book I mentioned for more information. Bet you
didn't think I'd give you a real answer...
The whole thing about light and plants responses are in
the book I had mentioned. The whole thing is kinda interesting.
I'd make a quick trip to the Internet and find some other refrences
too. When you're done, you can come back and read the
rest of all these questions and answers.
see, well as long as you are getting better, remember, practice
Yea, well I try... maybe someday I'll be as great
as you are.
a real ass for a science teacher an I have to do a investigative
science project, what do U suggest? -Pyro
I suggest you test the effects of peer pressure.
Target someone, pressure them into it, take pictures and write
up your report. That or do something that has to do with
testing shit for blood....
are monkey balls?-Pyro
Well, that depends on the monkey and it's genes.
Some monkeys have large hariy balls, other have small less hairy
balls and yet others have strange bumpy balls. Which are
the best? well, that all depends on what you want to do with
is your take on japense fighting fish???
well, although I have personally
partaken in this event, I would have to say that on the whole,
it is a completely barbaric event. I mean, two grown women
in skimpy outfits fighting in a ring filled with mud... it's
just not a humane event... and then calling them fish... and
japenese ones at that! No wonder they're fighting!
DC, looks like your popularity is falling. oh well, less work
for you.Now, on a scale of 1 to 10 what is your knowledge on
I was popular at some point? And I missed it?
Damn! I would have to say that my knowledge is at
about a level 1. I can identify that there is blood in
the feces, but that's it.
how are you?its been a long time since i was here. do you miss
me?ohh well ever been in down town reason?let me go and i'll
love you more said the one armed monkey.why do people constantly
try to be like everyone else? are you scared?--db"_"
welcome back... I've missed your questions.
I've been down town of this city... one armed monkey?
poor thing. Very few people can think for themselves,
so in desperation, they just copy whoever looks like they know
what they're doing. I'm scared that these morons are running
I feel the urge to ask questions just to get the good question
because getting one of them is the ultimate dream
of all intelligent beings.
anyone believe me when I tell them about my fairy? I lost all
of my friends because of this. NOBODY BELIEVES ME!!!!!!
well then they don't deserve to know about them.
Fairies are elusive creatures... so be nice to yours.
it that everyone on the planet is a complete asshole and noone
listens to me so I sit out in the corner and talk to myselF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because most people on the planet are humans... and
humans suck. Get used to it, or shut the hell up and kill
yourself.... or just keep coming here to remind yourself that
insanity is a good thing.
is the importance of non-traditional cheese(i.e. Dolphin cheese,
rhino cheese and the all powerful human cheese) in our society?
well, I honestly can't say... but for myself... I'd
have to say that human cheese has totally ruined my life.
Stay away from it kiddies... it's dangerous shit.
does not taste salty, it's quite coppery and has a "sharp"
taste, i had a friend once who used to bite herself and lick
her blood, she was a dumbass, probably still is, anyways, for
a question..which is the best, honey or cinnamon sugar (graham
cracker) p.s. for the person who sees fairies, is your name
katie, and is your fairy named jake???
I prefer the cinnamon sugar... as
I am a fan of cinnamon.
ask your self the same qustions when they through you out of
Not always... depends on what I'm about to land on.
bad to smell funny?
depends on your definition of funny... sometimes
funny is a bad smell, sometimes it's just different. Also,
if funny doesn't want to be sniffed, then leave her the hell
I think they sell that elephant shit peanut butter at the gecko
licking booth thats about a block down the dtreet from where
Is THAT what I'm licking... damn... i would have
if no plants grew, what would happen to the world
well we sure wouldn't be here... and pretty much
nothing else for that matter. I'd have to say that the
world would just be cold and lifeless.... or volcanic or something.
DO U DO IF YOU CAN'T FIND A LOO IN AN ENGLISH COUNTRY GARDEN?
go in the rosebush.
tell me how to get, how to get to sesame street?
it's somewhere over the rainbow... way up high...
do you fce reality everyday without going totally insane and
uh... i AM insane... and only stupid people should
cat has a rat stuck up it's butt will it immediatly eat it while
it's still stuck in it's butt or will it try to shit it out
It will probably try to pull it out and then eat
you make a voodoo doll?
Uh... that I don't know... and I think it depends
on what type of voodoo you are practicing. I seem to remember
something about a fingernail and a piece of hair... but that
is probably just one form of voodoo. If you're just some
punk kid wanting to hurt some other kid who stole your blankie...
then just give it up... if you're actually interested in voodoo,
then try about.com for information.
Cheese, how does it taste? Don't tell people to kill themselves,
tell them that they have problems and no body wants to hear
them wine or that nobody gives a shit and live with it cuz we
all got problems scary ones!
i haven't had human cheese... so
i can't comment... although if anything like real humans, it
should be filthy and bitter.
can i find information on building a real cherroke indan todem
pole and the meaning behind each section for which they stand
well it certainly ain't here. I would suggest
giving up and just selling your blood on the street.
went out with this girl for like 5 months and i fell in love
with her,we broke up and its been like 6 months and i cant get
over her.everything staied with me and i cant forrget about
it and when i tell her about this she cares but i want to start
over already.what should i do?
Well if she doesn't want to start over, then deal
with it and move on. Try not to send dead animals to her
house either, as that usually doesn't go over well.
blood tastes like friggin doorknobs. God am i the only one who
hates teh taste of blood?? -Lasa-munki
I'm sure that somewhere out there, someone else doesn't
like the taste of blood either.
DC are you ever afraid, afraid of what is behind you? is it
me or your ass, maybe I took it that's right I have you precious
little ass muwahahahahahaha!
My ass is precious and little? wrong ass then
pal... nothing that is a part of me is precious and little!
You might have my cats ass though...
eminem so controversial when he is doing what all other rappers
have been doin for years?
who enema?? rappers... sigh... get off my site....
none of that is allowed here.
friend is a pink fluffy bunny, but he's sleeping w/ another
bunny what should i do?
get them fixed before you are surrounded by little
i gain psychic powers?
you develop them over a number of years. find yourself
a teacher.... and pay them thousands to speed up the process.
In fact, if you send the money to me, i can help you in a few
eaten by a large cheese yesterday and i can't get out can you
you are alive and have a computer... what else do
you need? enjoy!
god make me a midget, did you?
if i could make people midgets, i wouldn't be answering
sock monkeys did u have anal sex with?
what day in specific are you talking about?
wondering why you respond to morons like that guy who asked
why people are assholes and don't listen to him, the answer
is simple, just shut the fuck up and die!
I respond to almost all the questions... although
I have been deleting the 'plants & light' questions lately....
and i answer them cuz that's what this section is for!
is that smell old cheese or ass?
could be both
children seem more evil and sadistic than me, I always wondered
well, small children are getting more evil.
watch their cartoons like pokemon and that sort of crap... then
is casting magic spells on me what should i do?
if they are good, then enjoy. if they are not,
the you can scour the web for ways to protect yourself and drive
yourself crazy... or you can just feel content that they probably
couldn't get it to work even if they did do it right and forget
the whole crap.
monkey sock puppets attack is it very dangerous or just stupid?
depends on the sock monkey puppet and the level of
martial arts training it has. Just kill the person attached
to the sock monkey by the arm... usually the sock puppet dies
people have so much free time that they can sit here and ask
you disturbing questions? My self included.
well, the whole point of life is to do things you
like, and even though society tells you to work and do things
for anything but pleasure, this is one bit of pleasure that
you people get... you finally get to ask those questions that
are too stupid to ask someone in person.
just wondering why my nose bleeds when I shove a small squirrel
up it or a large dog?
because you haven't clipped their nails. do
that before you shove any animal in any body hole.
eat you will you be happy?
depends how good you are.
was just fucked by his mother who was fucked by her mother whose
granpa she fucked and then got raped by barney, what should
Well he should give up on going to family reunions unless he
is a funny word, do you agree?
No. But mitten sure is funny sounding.
each country given a colour...and everything in it would be
that colour, including the people? purple would be good!
yea, but while traveling, you'd stand out against
everyone else... and that would give racism a great big help
too... forget that! I demand to choose my own color!
don't we have magic transporter things soooo that we can just
magically transport to where we want to go in seconds rather
then getting stuck in traffic jams or having to walk.
I ask that every day and NO ONE ever answers me.
If you ever get an answer, you let me know!
really people. How do we know dogs aren't people. Or even the
carnivorous deer in the national parks. Can we really be certain
that humans are people.-DS
humans are not people, but trees are people too.
and some people are aliens.
age is a child declared insane? Does he/she know that they are
insane and different from other children? At what age can a
child be possed by a demon?
any age really... there's no rules. All children
are insane, just the parents suck it out of them so they can
become a boring adult. So if the child keeps some of their
insanity... then they are considered 'insane".
pooed in your mouth would you eat it?
that depends... what did you have for dinner last
cow laphs does milk come out his nose?
nope, it shoots out all her nipples...
those fucking Candians have been pissing me off, they have it
so good. Anyways, I went to a social event, and I realized nobody
there wanted to talk to me for some odd reason. So i reached
up and took a balloon down from the wall and started to talk
to it, but then it exploded! I repeated this process about two
more times when suddenly, some guys surrounded me and said I
spiked the tea! Then, I went home and stared at my ceiling loathing
the very fiber of my being. Why?
canadians don't have it any better... it's just not
as bad as it could be. Well, you popped the balloon who's
been rubbing the head of all balloons.... the remax hot air
balloon. That's why the ass kicking... and your ceiling
isn't really listening to you.
can i get sock monkey patterns for free...much less the socks
to make the with?
if i knew that... don't you think i'd spend less
time answering questions and more time trying to sell them to
will the second coming be?
Depends how good the first one was and how tired
I am afterwards.
a person judge another person to be insane? I mean that person
who thinks that he himself is straight may actually be insane
to the other person who was diagnosed insane
Exactly... you see the problem is that the majority
of humans are insane and it is the minority who is smart.
So the herd (the majority) decides that normal will be judged
as what the herd does... but if the herd becomes totally insane,
then the definition of insane changes... and anything that threatens
the herd must be insane. In answer... I don't think anyone
can truly judge another to be insane... they just have a different
reality then ours.
you! Please go to my website!
Please stop begging me to go to your site.
If you want me to go to it so bad, then send me some money.
Perhaps in the future I will take submissions from people to
see their sites, but damnit I just have too many things to do
already! If I visit it, then I visit it, but don't hound
me about it like an annoying shit.
asked you, have you ever tasted a dick sweeter than mine, what
would you answer? yes or no? ~P.N.
Well that depends on if it was the sweetest or not.
Right now I haven't tasted it, so I can't answer.
did you do
only once... but it was a dare
why did god
curse me with a small dick? from adam morey
are you sure it's really small?
how do you know this? how many others have you compared yours
to? If you're judging by those guys on pornos... they
are NOT all the average.
is a hobo that entered my house. he knows where my forks are.
Does god hate me or what?
what is your obsession with this hobo god?
seems gay to me, should i kill him?
only if he's the happy sort of gay... those people
that country/color idea is pretty good. It might actually destroy
rascism, becuase if you think yer american and make fun of someone
from pakistan, then you come home all pround and white, you
would find out that your granny is irish, and your mama is italian-irsh,
or something. And in multicultural places like new yawk city,
the streets would look neato from a low flying helicopter, cuz
everything would be colory. dontcha think?-Laser-Monkey, lord
of fecal blood.
Yea, most places would look pretty cool if everyone
had the different colors... but wouldn't most people end up
a strange sort of brown due to the mix of heritage? I
still want my own color damnit.
bunnies are scary and spheres are cute. What does that mean?
means about as much as a fancy drawing does to the
i have to look in mirror behind me to make sure my ass is still
there, if i dont check on my ass after a while i get nervous
and start to break down what does this mean and what should
glue mirrors to your hand so you don't have to go
anywhere to check and it will be easy to check anywhere.
That way you won't waste time worrying about it.
it called the stinky monkey butt award?I HAPPEN TO LIKE STINKY
MONKEY BUTTS!!!!!-The child with a fairy.
well then you have a very strange fetish. I
personally don't like stinky monkey butts... so thats the kind
of award I give out to people who ask really stupid questions...
but since you seem to like the butt... here is one for you....
a cow? If so, why arent you in your cocoon?
No, but if I was a cow, then i would be in my cocoon
with my laptop. At least this lets me know that ONE person
has at least read that article!
i NOT ALLOWED TO BITE ANYONE? I JUST WANT TO GNAW ON THEIR ARM
FOR A WHILE!!!!!!!!!!
you can chew on people, you just haven't found the
right people yet. Also, try asking before you bite.
are the aliens? I have been looking for them for a long time
and I can't seem to find them under my bed. TELL ME WHERE THE
HELL THE DAMN ALIENS ARE!!!!!!!!!!
I know where they are, but due to various reasons
that I won't explain, it is for your own good that you don't
you have sex? This question I have been pondering for quite
some time & I just can't seem to the answer to it. Please
answer me truthfully. I'll give you a sucker.
How? Well it involves high places, bungee cords
and a safe word.... and of course another sock monkey.
Where's my sucker and it better not be red.
you get a midget out of a tree when he's stuck? Should I throw
things at him?
lather him up well with butter and the midget should
just slip out. By the way, this works for sexual midget-getting-stuck
my butt stink? I clean it thuroughly every day!!!!! I even shove
rags up it to try to stop the smell!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!?????????
light the rags on fire... no smell after that!
MY DICK HAVE MUSHROOMS GROWING ON IT!!???? ITS ANNOYING HOW
EVERYBODY HAS TO EAT OFF IT!!!!
scrape the mushrooms off, find a school and sell
them as if they are magic mushrooms.
am I? Who am I? Who are you? What this long slender thing Im
looking at?? AHHHH ITS GETTING LONG AND HARD!!!!!!!!!
You are there. You are You. I am me.
You are looking at the barrel of a gun... just pull the trigger
and everything will be alright
you get rid of a stalker???!
you stalk and kill them before they kill you
macaroni and cheese
Ms. Marnie Macaroni and Mr. Chicaman Cheese.
They were married in the spring of 1902, and the rest is too
cheesy to mention.
licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop??
too damn many... just bite the damn thing.
I don't have a dick but I'm sure if I had one it would be pretty
sweet and I would teach it to stay. Anywho, which ones are creepier,
Umpa Lumpas or Lollipopmen? ~P.N.
Umpa Lumpas by far... they insanely
wrong hats, they dance and they put white powder into chocolate
for all the kids while singing about how fat kids suck and the
chorus is them singing their own name. Lollipopmen just
do that pathetic dance and hang onto their belts...
humans have to go to school? They're already born with all the
knowledge they need to know.-DS
so they can learn to make fun of others for superficial
reasons, and to unlearn the whole 'thinking for yourself' thing.
the british add "U's" to things(i.e. coloUr ,flavoUr)
do they really need them?
well... I think that they had done that long before
north america was discovered... but yea... i hate those damn
u's everywhere too.
chocalate so addictive? from short guy
it's not, you just like the taste so much you eat
lots of it... and don't eat too much or you'll become short
fat guy who's stuck in his house cuz he ate too much damn chocolate!
DANCE WITH A PEICE OF MACORONI AND THEN FLY AWAY WITH A CHUNKY
BANANA!!!!!!! CAN YOU??!?!
yes, and I do nightly... try going to naples... it's
on a ski trip. I was enjoying myself until my monkey hit a tree
and died. what should I do to the ski resort to make them pay??
ILL KILL THEM IF YOU WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah, just apologize to the tree and get a new monkey...and
tell this one to use it's tail when it sees a tree approaching
to climb up in it.
up last night to a party. A PARTY OF FAIRIES IN MY LIVING ROOM!!!!!!!!
IT SEEMS THAT MY FAIRY DECIDED TO THROW A PARTY AT MY HOUSE
AND INVITED EVERY OTHER FAIRY THERE. I HAVE EVERY FAIRY HOSTAGE
IN MY HOUSE AND WOULD LIKE TO KNOW IF I SHOULD SELL THEM ON
THE BLACK MARKET OR KILL THEM???!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO???!?!!?!?!!
shake them and sell their fairy dust... it's worth
an awful lot! Have some of it and you'll be high for days!
believe the assassination of JFK was done by some insane guy,
or do you think that the CIA plotted the whole thing because
JFK couldn't handle the Cuban missle crisis the way the government
wanted him to?
Well, I think that someone shot him and he died.
I think the whole thing is just a pile of crap, and that the
truth will never be revealed. On the other hand, he's
dead, and has been for some time... so why do we care anymore?
We know the government lies to us, yet we still pick one of
the lying assholes to run the country... the president and priminister
are supposed to represent the people.... do they represent YOU???
to take over the world, but I don't want to do any manual labor
myself and my slaves are on strike. What should I do?-DS
figure out a way to control microsoft... that is
about all you can do until the cats take over.
Brown Goo says: "Whatcha' gonna do when the Hulkster and
all his Hulkamaniacs run wild on you?!"
uh.. well I'd try to get out of their way... other
then that I guess I'd just try to enjoy the ride.
despise Valentines Day as much as I do?-DS
if you completely hate it and think that it's just
a pile of bullshit that promotes greedy girls and tries to make
guys look bad... then yes... yes I do.
are worse, Step-parents or in-laws?-DS
hhhhmmmm.... step parents you have to live with...
inlaws you don't. Although you can tell your parents off
a lot easier then in laws. I would say that in laws are
worse in the long run, but step parents are worse short-term
if you live with them.
listen DC, im going to Santo Domingo for a week, and maybe you
can do me a favor, just take over the possesion of Lord of Fecal
Blood until monday. PLEASE?? thanks, -Laser-Monkey, lord of
fecal blood... kinda
uh... i don't like having blood in my stools... the
doctors stick fingers up my ass when i complain of bloody stools...
so i'll take the title... but no real blood or shit. and
have a nice trip... bastard.
saw the back of your head in a camera, would your mind frap
out? I mean, people used to think if you went over 60 mphs,
your face would fly off!
my face has flown off many a time... much to my embarrassment.
One such time was the day that i had to renew my liscense.
Boy I'll never forget THAT day.
Valentine's day - there's nothing quite like a day devoted to
being a couple to make single girl feel inadequate. All the
people with presents that we have been taught represent love,
but only represent the greedy consumerism of today's culture
that is exploited by greetings card companies make me sick,
and what really gets on my nerves is all the couples getting
in the way while they get it on in every available space. ARGH!!!!
Valentine's Day is one holiday I could do without. Did you have
a nice Valentine's Day? Good, good, now that we have the niceties
over with, here's my next question - why do Americans complain
about the way the British spell some things? (like colour, flavour,
centre etc etc) Come on you guys, the language is called ENGLISH,
so don't complain about the way ENGLISH people use it - you
americans are the ones who've butchered it.
Valentine's was irrelevant.... and yea, the whole
U thing doesn't really matter... as the american version has
butchered it, just like quebec has mutilated the french language...
yet it is still called the same thing.
is a question? How do I answer a question? How do I ask a Question???
Please send your money to me... then I will allow
you to ask a question.
is this thing people keep talking about, god?? What the hell
is a "god". -Kud.
along the same lines as santa claus... only not near
as friendly and the presents suck.
an alien? The reason I ask this is beause that there may be
a race of human looking aliens that are supposed to be really
smart, and you seem to be smart because you answer all these
questions like a "Dear Abby" type of person with an
evil twist to your answers. I want to know the truth.
You can't handle the truth. And I can neither
confirm nor deny if I am alien... but the answer is 'only on
I sold the fairy dust like you said, but I have anoher question.
When I tried to get high off of it, the mushrooms on my dick
grew about three times the size and started talking. I told
them to stop, but then the fairies started screaming, ant the
mushrooms ate my dick. When the mushrooms finnaly ran off, the
fairy sprinkled a pinkish dust and I started flying. The next
thing I knew I was on an island where dicks grew out of the
ground. Here is the question, am I high right now, or am I really
here stealing a replacement dick that I can use???!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!1
You are high right now... enjoy the trip... and whatever
you do... DON'T EAT THE SAUSAGE!
just beat the shit out of himself and he says he wants to kill
someone. Should i sic him on a total asshole?
beat the shit out of himself? were you watching?
is that normal? was it interesting? anyways... yes...
a total asshole or some politician... whatever does the trick.
you get a crossdressing hamster to eat when its sick? Should
I kill it or just leave it?
well take the heels and nylons off of it... then
phone a vet... or throw it out and get a new one.
have ever heard of the band Slipknot, and seen how they look,
would you think that they are a bunch of frauds by hiding under
masks, or would you think that they are one awesome, motherfucking
kick ass band?
yes i have... they kinda look like mr bungle does
with all the masks etc... i like them from what i've heard (like
5+ songs) but of course mr bungle is better.
night I had a dream that I was tripping on acid and I was totally
freaked out. In my dream I saw swirlling bright neon colors
on a dark background when it was daylight out. Now I have never
tried acid, but could this dream have been a flashback from
my previous life? What could this dream mean?
Well, dreams are quite strange... you see your mind
picks up details from around you that your concious mind never
picks up on. While you sleep, your brain begins to filter
through things and ends up giving you dreams. Sometimes
they mean something, sometimes it's just random images. I would
doubt that your dream has anything to do with a previous life,
but maybe you were a hippy who died while on acid. Start
writing your dreams down, then get high and read them again...
maybe they will make sense.
you get a gerbil up yor ass? Then how do you get it out?
use some little gerbil plastic tubes.... and just
pull it out or use tongs.
watch alot of porn alone??
I used to .... but now I just don't have the time...
and I have to admit... those plots are the funniest ever.
separate male and female hampsters when female becomes pregnant.
You should have separated them BEFORE so you wouldn't
have this problem. But I would think you should separate
lean and i cannot wear pants it doesnot suits me tell me what
shall i do.
get jeans... they are much better anyways.... or
Why Don't You Have A Link So That You Ask The Questions And
We Anwser Them?-Pyro
because my opinion means more to me then yours, but
in regards to this site, i will be setting up a special area
for 'market research' and the results will be shared with all.
I went on a
website called "www.blowshitup.com" a couple of months
ago. I have made a big, fuck-off bomb but I'm not certain where
to detinate it. I'm torn between putting it under my boss's
car or in the local pet store. Any suggestions would be greatly
I'd leave the pet store alone...
they are suffering enough. I would suggest going to the
local church, or perhaps even the local highschool, as any damage
there will be attributed to "damn kids". And
if you're a damn kid... well then find the biggest stupid jock
and blow up anything he owns. If you can't find any of
that, well I have always wanted to see a cotton-candy machine
blow up and spew cotton candy everywhere.
thanks. Dont worry, you dont hafta get bloody poo, you get to
inflict people with Bloody Feces Disease(TM)(C)(R). Lucky you.
And you get a REALLY cool gas mask. But only for a week of course,
so dont get used to it.-Laser-Monkey
a gas mask? wicked! i've always wanted one...
do you think of lesbians? Ice pryncess
i don't think about them at all...
you be dissapointed if I decided to become a lesbian? Ice pryncess
not really, i don't really care what you find attractive!
know any cute girls? Ice Pryncess
you please tell me how to get rid of the big giant spider that
hides in my t.v. and every time I turn on my t.v. all I watch
spiders are delightful creatures with interesting
habits. Keep watching and when you know how to kill your
spider, then you are ready for the next bug.
thought about the magic transporter idea i had...why can't we
also have remote controls soooo that if something happens that
you don't like ie embarassing, arguements etc, you can just
hit the rewind button and change that part of the day
but then people would spend their whole lives trying
to make the past perfect... why not just get a job writing history
books and you can just rewrite everything.
oh, this is
a special gas mask, it has sparkle that dont come off!! Ain't
that sumthin'?? -Laser-Monkey
yea! mr sparkle... that's the best....
are soposto be smarter then us why do they upduck the DUMBEST
well, maybe they are helping us get rid of them,
and plus, if you wanted to abduct someone but not have to wipe
their memory... wouldn't you grab the person that everyone is
the least likely to believe?
reflection in the mirror just that, a reflection? Or is it really
my good twin in some other dimension waiting till I fall asleep
to take over my life and make people think that I might possibly
be sane? How do I stop him?-DS
It is your real self looking at you... you are just
the alternate version in the alternate world. You are
not really here, but just some part of that persons subconscious.
cocoons are running rampant around here!!! What should I do?
well cow cocoons can't run around, so they must be
on wheels. Simply pull them over and take away the keys.
what is with
your maniac obsession with monkeys? and get rid of the quotes
submitted by your cult. they suck worse than your monkey stories.
monkeys have tails that help them...
that's why i like them. And your opinion means nothing
to me... so the quotes stay. Also... nothing sucks worse
then my monkey stories.
Do You Believe In The Theory Of The Matrix?- Pyro
the THEORY? it's the truth.
DC How Much Do You Weigh I'm Only 95lbs.- Pyro
how much i weigh is one of those things that i think
is useless information, so therefore i do not know.
everybody, do you hate everybody? how about zebras?
Yes, and I don't mind zebras. They are just
funky horses with a better sense of style.
time is it?
9:01 PM.... or insane monkey time
sock monkeys going to be extinct i don't see any running around
no... they hide from morons...
it matter what side you get your eyebrow peirced??
I personally preferred the left... but i don't think
there is any rule or anything.
name a murder who skipped jail by way of the insanity plea and
no, and I'm glad I can't. the whole 'justice'
thing never really works does it.
name an insane person?
yes I can, and can name a couple actually.
really necessary to have American schools specifficaly for mexicans?
Why are we giving up our country to them? We fought for it,
it's ours! And why the hell does the DMV offer tests written
in Spanish? If they can't read English, they shouldn't even
huh? damnit people... we are ALL human.
get over it already and welcome to the new millennium.
What you should be pissed about is the quality of the WHOLE
system, not just the color of a couple kids in one of the classrooms.
Know your enemy!
followed by this black thing on the ground. I can't shake it.
It's always there, what should I do? It's laughing at me now.
Make it go away.-DS
You have to catch it, beat it, kill it and then you
will be free. Also, if you stay in the dark, you will
never see it again.
to fractalcow.com, Bert, from sesame street, was the one behind
the JFK assassination. Can this be true? What do I do if he's
trying to kill me now?-DS
Yes it is true... I've read that site before... Bert
is EVIL. You can do nothing except keep a blowtorch handy...
Bert is flammable.
the sky blue? Who decided it would be blue? Why not bright red?
I want bright red. DAMMIT, GIVE ME BRIGHT RED!!-DS
I think it's blue because of water in our atmosphere
and the light going through it or something... and bright red
would be annoying as red is an irritating color. Maybe
you should move to another planet where the sky/atmosphere is
know about a god, but there is God! That is one thing I do know.
I'm tired of the wussies who pull some crap about "if he's
there why can't I see him?" There are things people can't
see but you see the affects everywhere! I take my hat off to
those with enough balls to believe in God regardless of what
happens to them! Because I do!
that wasn't a question at all but a stupid rant about
stuff that may or may not exist, or could just be human kind
wanting to think that there is 'something' up there so we can
not take direct responsibility for our actions. thanks
anyways.. .next time enter in a question
name some fun things to do w/condoms besides sex?
fill them with peanut butter, tie off the end, poke
a hole in the top, and presto, a portable peanut butter dispenser.
like cheese or maple syrup?
I like both, but not together.
playing with scissors and i cut my wrist's i'm bleeding. It
hurts. I feel dizzy. aaaahhhhhhh? help mee!!!!!!!!!
quick! cut the rest of your hand off and everything
will be fine
the dinosaur a gay freak?
yes, yes he is.
a friend who I've discovered is a pathalogical lier. How should
I confront her about this?
sit her down, and tell her that you are concerned.
Tell her exactly what her problem is, and then ask that she
look into counseling. Tell her that you are there to support
her. If she protests, hug her and cry "You poor soul...".
Then, tie her up and take her to the local shrink. They'll
take it from there, and all you have to do is visit once in
awhile so when she snaps she doesn't kill you for abandoning
is in Mcdonalds food?
I have no idea, and quite frankly I refuse to eat
the shit for that very reason. I would certainly imagine
that ground up testicles from recently deceased men is part
of the basic burger...
think there are homosexual minors out there? Not just minors,
kids. You know, 8-11. I know this sounds stupid, cause most
kids have no sexual preference, but please answer my question
because I know this guy who rubs his ass and dick all the time.
Perhaps he just finds it pleasing and it's his way
of showing nervousness, or he just plain enjoys it. Maybe
some know at that age which sex they prefer, and some don't.
This guy could also have fleas or crabs and requires medical
attention. You should offer to examine them and assist
him in scratching or taking him to the doctor.
who are physically attracted to those of the same sex are homosexual,
and people who are attracted to the other sex are heterosexual,
what are people who are attracted to both sexes?
Bi-sexuals. And people who like aliens
are alisexuals. Those who like monkeys are monkeysexuals.
Those who like dead animals are... well fucked up.
What does DC
monkeys everywhere. you only wish you were good enough to be
a part of the porch monkey posse. do you have a real job? cause
your bullshit answers to these bullshit questions are just as
bad as your stories about your puss ridden ass, yo -sw
yes, i have a few real jobs... and thank you!
I'm glad you like my bullshit answers... as well as my stories!
It's so nice to hear someone saying they enjoy my life's work...
the sex drive of an 80 year old grandma. when ever I have sex
I never seem to enjoy it. I just do it because I think maybe
this time I'll actually enjoy it, but I never do. should I just
maybe you're just doing it with the wrong person
or sex.... or the person you are currently doing it with doesn't
know shit from shit and only cares about getting themselves
off. Maybe you should try doing some solo practices...
but be sure to close the doorI would like to know how you know
all about your grandma's sex drive... that could the problem
best friend is pissing me off. She always calls me to blab about
which guy she should like or get ass from. what should I do?
hang up and get a new best friend that isn't boy
crazy. She'll never get better, just sluttier.
do you make a sock monkey?
you buy work socks and somehow sew and stuff them
into the form of a monkey. There are pictures under Downloads
of some of the sock monkeys I have.
said " Who knows? Maybe in your next life you will end
up being a pill bug living on some dog crap." Do you think
this could possibly happen? What if pill bugs are afraid to
die because they think they could come back as a human in their
next life? What do you think is worse? living your life as a
human or a pill bug living on a pile of dog shit.
As with everything... anything is possible.
I would think that the pill bugs have way more to fear by becoming
human... but what could a pill bug do that would be considered
bad? Eat cat shit? I think that certian human lives
are worth less then the pill bugs... but as for the one i'm
living now... I think I'll stay in this form for a while longer
before being a pill bug.
my enemy, or am I?-DS
hmmm... depends on the day really! We'll take
Umpa Lumpas are creepier, anywho, one of my kitties died (sniff)
and I want to give it a decent burial. any suggestions? ~P.N.
have a week-long showing of all of the pictures,
movies and stories of this kitty, and celebrate the life instead
of the death. Kitties are everything, and one day they
will rule the world.
oral sex so fuckin good?
if it wasn't... do you really think anyone would
really want to put any of it in their mouths?
are balloons in the mcdonalds restaurant. Should I buy one,
is it worth it?
it's probably better then the food, so go ahead!
spying on my mommy and she took off her pants and she had some
kind of furry animal between her legs. And sometimes my daddy
licks the animal.What is this stange animal on my mommy?
thats no furry animal junior, thats a disease that
your mommy has. It may look like fur, but it's acutally
mold. Sometimes daddy has to scrape away that mold with his
girlfriend is so fat and ugly and she eats so freakin much.
What the hell should I say to this fat bastard to make her stop
Well stop going out to eat with her, don't have food
in your house, and when she's sleeping, just do some home liposuction
with some scissors and a vacuum cleaner.
me i hav a qweston. My weaner keeps getting long and hard. why
does this happen?
this happens because you are a sick little boy who
has sinned. hahahahaha...
dood, kan yu help me with mi problem? my mom sayed i came owt
from her vagina. didn't doctor soos say i chosed mi parants
and slided down all da way to her. who is wright?
they are both right... next time get them to explain
it and ask for detailed pictures... then show them to all your
hey man can
you answer my question? please say yes or no!
I'm not quite sure...
sayes that i in a speshal class becuz i is smart is this troo.
everyone is special.
speshul becuz i lick wenirz am eye wright ore wot?"
you are owksz.
tells me that you do this because you have no life and choose
to lash out irrationaly at peoples questions. is this true?
I don't think my lashing out is irrational at all.
I do have a life somewhere, I just don't remember where I parked
is "If a dog bites you, bite it back." I've taken
this to include any animals as well as people. Should I also
include my toaster? It has a nasty habit of biting me in the
morning. Do you have a motto? -DS
Don't bite kitties... and yes, bite the toaster,
but make sure it's not searing hot first. I have many
mottos... one of which is "Humans Suck".
kid named Joey is a midget and gets a hardon when he sees Barney
the Dinasaur. What should I do with him?
well when he's watching the show, don't sit on his
lap. You should de-program joey... hire a professional
like the ones who deprogram religious freaks.
Why should I ask you a question? You never answer it intelligently
and have fantasies about being some sort of monkey. I think
you should just stop all this and get a life. You probably spend
hours reading and answering questions when you could be having
fun. And your answers are usually stupider than the question.
Sometimes I answer intelligently... so you can't
say never. I would get a life, but frankly I'm too tired.
I could tell you all the things I do in real life, but I don't
have to. I spend maybe an hour a day on this, depending
on how many questions there are and how good they are.
My answers are usually shorter because they don't need to be
any longer. And I'd rather be a sock monkey then a human...
and this sock monkey doesn't wish to fully disclose anything
about myself due to crazed psychos out there wanting to stalk
others. My site IS fun... I told you I was a geek... I
don't lie to impress you humans.
loompas are not creepy. Their little midgets who dance around
with green hair in a chocalate factory rhyming and getting their
jollies off of saying how bad kids are. Whats so creepy about
it's the dancing that bothers me... everything else
just amplifies the creepiness of the dancing.
im back. It was fun!! There were video games on the plane. Did
you enjoy your Fecalship? Gimme my Gas-Mask back.-Laser-Monkey
Yes, and damnit... i just got it all warm.
midget, I shall call him "bob", won't stop smelling
me and licking me, how do i stop this?
why would you want to stop this?
Many of my
friends are faggets and are ussually mean to me. I come home
everyday with bruises and cuts because of them. All they ever
do is hurt me and piss me off and one day I think that I will
have to kill them, I even think a couple of them are really
gay(litterally). When I tell them this they call me wussy and
make fun of me and say that I wouldnt be able to kill them.
I just want to know, What should I do, Kill them, or move away
and change my name to Mario Mario? P.S. Can you tell them off
in your answer please??!!!
Well first of all, these people are not your friends.
Secondly, those people completely suck. The reason people
do this sort of thing (beating up others and calling them a
wussy) because they know that their futures are already doomed.
These are the sort of people who end up going nowhere in life
and will one day be begging you to hire them at your multi-million
dollar company. Why bother killing them when you can hire
them on as a janitor and have them cleaning shitters for 2 bucks
a day? Killing them would only reduce you to their low
level, and your life is worth more then sitting in jail.
Ignore them, learn a form of martial arts, kick their asses,
and then go on and build your multi-million dollar company.
Don't forget to hire me as an advisor to the board.
do you like to eat more mcdonalds burger king or from your moms
none of the above.
are you and why do you waste your time with these questions?
I'm 23 and this is a lot better then picking my ass
with a red hot poker.
clinton is more of a free man do you think he's sleeping with
that all depends on how good she was... but i think
billy boy is on a short leash now.
your favorite thing to do a)eat b)sleep c)drink d) have sex
e)answer gay questions like mine f)make fun of people probliems
don't ask me why i'm asking you this but i just want to know.
I would have to say that sleeping
is my favorite thing to do. That is because I dream every
night (yes I know all people do) but I remember every dream
and can remember it better then real memories.
do you consider a good question? how do you get the good question
I decide which question actually made me think, had
a good point, or something i just enjoyed answering... sometimes
I do it just so you can all notice my brilliant answer.
I need to know somthin why do people have to be so perverted
all the time? how do i get them to stop?
they won't stop. try wearing less revealing
clothes and move somewhere cold so you're under layers and layers
is a bllon machine in the mcdonalds bathroom. why is it there?
can I have have a quarter? Is there one in every bathroom? Why
arn't they in stores? I never see them anywhere but the bathroom,
why is that?
It is there for you to get balloons out of.
I don't have any quarters right now.. I need them for laundry.
No there isn't one in every bathroom... sadly. They should
be stores, but the stores are mean. They are in the bathroom
so it is easier to fill them up with water.
i go about killing everyone i meet???
well, you would be caught after awhile... so I would
recommend carefully selecting your victims. I personally
suggest brittney spears, micheal bolton, and barney. If
you're going to take someone out, you might as well make it
you? do you go to a school in a little town called Llano?
never heard of the place... and I'm DC... duh
in my pants is growing. What do I do?
stop watering it.
bob is sending you stupid questions (he's the one talking about
killing his friends and naming himself mario mario) an heavily
offending me and the rest of my friends! He's really serious
about what he's sending you! We need to make him stop. I need
to make him stop. How do I do this? he's no longer anyone's
friend because he says we all suck and annoy him even though
we're thrying to help him change his wierd ways. He always talks
about nintendo and mega man. he has threatned to kill himself
and all others! He also lies all the time to his friends and
family. He even sent an instant message to someone saying he
would kill the persons family and rape their sister. This isn't
half of the crazy and mindless things he's done. How can we
make him stop these crazy ways.P.S. This message is not only
real but serious. so please post this!
How about the whole gang of you get on a boat with
no supplies, go way out into the ocean, and the last one alive
gets to come back and live like a normal person. If he's
a mental loner, then just stay the hell away from him, don't
pick on him, bully him or anything of the sort. If he's
the total fuck up instead of you, then he needs to get a fucking
grip and should go get some help. Enough already kiddies.
cracker is a cracker then what is a dolphin?
it's a cheese. no wait.... this is a trick
question isn't it?
you think is gayer tom cruise or elton john
well gay happy... i'd have to say tom. gay
gay I'd have to say elton john because he is admittingly gay.
a boy or a girl
I'm an adult now, so neither term applies.
llama swims then what are fins for
to impress the crazy monkeys who catch them for food
the least popular person in my grade how do I get the hottest
girl in my grade to go out with me?
you don't, and besides she's probably the biggest
bitch. You should thank your lucky stars she doesn't like
"INSANE" AND STUPID ARE YOU "CRAZY"? AND
IF YOU'RE "INSANE" AND SMAET ARE YOU A "GENIUS"?
Yes. You've got it exactly right!
THEY PUT ROUND PIZZAS IN SQUARE BOXES? -Pyro
They're just fucking with our heads, cuz only totally
fucked up people would think of this instead of just saying
"I think it's just easier to create square packaging".
Monkeys have dicks or pusseys?
Depends on the sock monkey and it's maker!
Some have neither.
can I find a sockmonkey of my own. Can I have you?
I'm not sure where to buy them... some lady named
carrol devall or something had them on a show of hers... and
no, you can't have me until i see a 2000 income statement.
white people who think and act like they are "ghetto".
How do I deal with these people.
they are beyond reaching... all you can do is steer
clear and hope that one day they wake the hell up. Now
if they really are ghetto and aren't acting, then carry on as
people piss me off. I am God do u agree?
People piss you off because most people are stupid.
Although sometimes the stupid person is always pissed off because
everyone else is always so much smarter. And no, I don't
rid of crabs do you recomend burning off pubic hair?
tweezers and some lemon juice will do the trick nicely.
the last few months I have found myself watching pornos including
monkeys. At first it was humans and monkeys together but now
I find myself watching she-male monkeys with monkeys that have
breast implants. Nothing else turns me on anymore. What can
I do? --Chris Markas
I have no idea about your 'problem', however... where
the hell do you find these pornos? I mean she-male monkeys?!
damn! is there a mailing list or something? that'd
be some pretty sick shit to check out...
does one seduce a homosexual transvestite, skitzophrenic, tight,
loosed panty, furry, tall, strong, sexy, and incredibly randy
Monkey who doesn't like humans?
well... i don't know if you'd really have a chance.
I mean, a hot item like that is hard to keep satisfied for long.
I'd just give it a bit of grope and run like hell.
WOMEN DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH AT ONCE -Pyro
I'm not sure if they were women... they were sock
monkeys though... and there were at least 20 of us.
Monkeys have sex and if they do how? -Pyro
yes, and its quite complicated and involves balancing
noticed squirrels have been very active lately. Some follow
me around and when I walk under a tree they pelt me with nuts.
Why are they doing this? To stop them do I have to killl every
single squirrel on the planet? What would you do? Please help
You are the anti-god of squirrels. What you
must do is find the secret stones of the squirrels and enchant
them to become your slaves. Ask the golden gnome for the
crystal goblet and all will become clear...
crawl up gayguys ass cracks???its a known fact i think
some do... some don't... it depends on where those
little tubes lead to.
is big how do i impress girls??????
you impress them with your wit and intelligence.
If that fails, then you are stupid and only deserve stupid girls.
will happen if the islamic people judje the world ?
Well, many people will dispute their judgment just
like they do when the catholics judge us. I would personally
rather be judged by an islamic person.
me Chris Marks again. One day after watching a porn about monkeys
I found a transvestite monkey that really turns me on. This
monkey is really great but for some reason it won't go home
with me. How do I convince this stunning and sexy monkey to
Well if it's on a porno, it can't hear you through
the tv. You convince it with money and promises of more
money.... some nice monkey chow works too.
exzactly is a sock monkey and what does one look like?
There are pictures
of four of my sock monkeys.
because that's what happens when you mix all the
colors of all the food you've eaten...
while now an Oompa Loompa has lived next door to me. Every nite
I hear strange chantings about an oopity doo or something. Also
I have noticed many children in my neighborhood have been disapeering.
What is hapening? How can I stop him from chanting?
He is slowly killing all the children... so why would
you stop him? Now you'll be able to sleep any time of
the day without children screaming outside.
mayn is bodderin mi. he tells me i'm stoopid becuz i spel things
rong is he rite?
yes he is... enough with shitty spelling... i'm deleting
anything further like this.
DC really stands for Dum Coward or Dysfunctional Crotchlicker.
Nope, pretty sure it stands for Demon Child.
Thanks anyways, and next time try to put it in the form of a
tell me if sock monkeys are real, they float around all day
and piss me off am i insane, or are they real?
Yes they are real and yes you are insane. Lucky
for you, the sock monkeys aren't trying their "Anal Baby"
theory... boy does that smart.
have any more pictures of sockmonkeys? They turn me on.
working on it... until then just use a normal sock
and paint a face on it.
know any monkeys that are into bondadge? I really get turned
on by whipping naked monkeys. -Chris
I personally don't know any except for Madam Sock,
but her client list is full. Go to your local downtown
and check all the dumpsters... you'll find one for sure.
know the corperate number of arbys restruant chains
Sorry, I had it written down somewhere but can't
stick my finger up my butt? and then i pull out an elephant
does that mean i have herpes?
No, it means that you can hold an awful lot up your
ass. You should consider smuggling drugs for a living,
or start up some fetish website.
times can a monkey cum?
depends on the moment really.
a monkey or a cat?
a cat, although at times she sounds like a monkey.
a question about the meaning of life the universe and everything.
We have many religions about a god, and many scientists saying
evolutions and BIG BANG theory. So tell me this. How come I
can't ever find a matching pair of socks in the morning. If
the world is so carefully designed through evolution, why can't
I ever find that purple sock on the days when I want it. And
why do I always find it on the days when I don't??? Please help.
This question has been bothering me ever since a few minutes
ago!!!! I need an answer. ( p.s also along those lines why is
there always a teaspoon left over when you are washing up..
How does it hide in the bowl where you can't find it untill
you've tip the water away.).
You see, we aren't really in this reality... we're
in the matrix. so all of those annoying things are just
to keep you from thinking that life is a little too perfect
and you'll wake up out of the fake reality. So as long
as those things keep happening, then you'll know that you are
still in the matrix. If any of that isn't true, then life
just plain likes to fuck with you.
we live in igloos and wear them fluffy eskimo boots in Britain?
i would personaly find it quite amusing towalk round the streets
wearing tennis rackets on my feet....it is something i would
Who says you can't? You just have to build
another building that keeps the igloo cold and away from the
rain. There is no one stopping you!
I killed the golden gnome for food last week, but he didn't
mention a crystal goblet. Do you know anything about it? And
how much thought do you actually put into the better questions?
I have a crystal goblet... but I lost it in my last
move. I put as much thought into questions as I deem necessary...
and sometimes I am just to tired to be long-winded. You
have to admit... not all of these questions asked really require
any sort of brain-power to answer! That's what insanity
is all about.
people mean? The other day I was walking and I heard this old
lady say to a kid "in hell, that's were you belong".
It made me laugh but I still think it was a little mean. Are
all of them like this? ~P.N.
Not all old people are mean. The one you overheard
wasn't being mean, but was speaking the truth.
the feeling you and SAnimal don't like eachother very much.
Do you think you're better than him? If you do, why? -DS
You are correct, and of course I am better then him.
I am intelligent, insane and a sock monkey. He is human.
So obviously I am, and always will be better then him.
OWN sockmonkeys... isnt that slavery or something??-Laser-Monkey
it's only slavery if i put them to work!
can i find more abaout my 'Sea Monkeys'
not sure... try yahoo!
D.C., I have
a question. You know those people who wrote about me and you
told them to go on the boat with no supplies? well DONT YOU
THINK THEY ARE ASSHOLES??!!! I THINK THAT I SHOULD SERIOUSLY
KILL THEM!!! IF THEY DO ONE MORE GODDAMN STUPID THING TO ANNOY
ME OR PISS ME OFF, IM GOING TO TEAR OFF THEIR PENISES AND SHOVE
THEM UP THEIR ASS, THEN I WILL RIP OUT THEIR LIVER AND SHOVE
IT UP THEIR THROATS, THEN I WILL HANG THEM BY THEIR INTESTINES!!!
WHICHEVER ONE OF THOSE ASSHOLES WROTE THAT, BETTER NOT EVER
TALK TO ME AGAIN, AND I WILL FIND OUT WHO DID!!!! D.C., do you
think that I should shut them out or kill them, or hire them
as employees at my "soon to be multi-million dollar corperation"???????P.S.
WHICHEVER ASSHOLE WROTE THIS BETTER NOT EVEEERRR SPEAK TO ME
Blah blah blah... how about the lot
of you just stop thinking about each other so much... unless
you both have crushes on each other.... in that case you should
get married and live together on a secluded island where you
can kill each other and no one else has to hear about it.
hear about that lady who went to bite into her Mcdonalds chicken
sandwich thing or whatever and discovered it was a deep fried
chicken head? Yeh that happened a few months ago in Virginia
or some state, Do you think this could of been the prank or
even a SIGN...OOOOO KOOOKYYYY...of some sort of Chicken-Fetish/Satanic/STINKY
cult? I do..it's funny though, yah, k..i know you like kitties,
so I figured you'd know a little about kitties so I'm going
to ask you something serious, I have a cat (well 2..but one
is fairly norm) who is a bit bitchy and spoiled, now I lover
her to death, and I spoil her rotten but sometimes when i go
to pet her she literally draws her head back and sprays my hand
with spit, then she takes off and hides in the hamper until
its dinner time, I never knew cats could spit, I've tried to
get friends to capture it on film, but she's just too damn fast!!!
I'd like to know what could of drove this cat to such psychological
fucky-upness..shes never been abused, she just has horrible
manners p.s. you really need to get your pic up, i've visited
here for months to read your questions..hey it passes the time,
and i'd like to know what a demon child sock monkey looks like...
I didn't hear about that... but I'm surprised they
actually use a real chicken! Ha ha ha... yes cats can
spit. Sometimes cats (like people) just want to be left
alone. So don't try to pet her after she's done that.
If you have any serious concerns, obviously speak to your vet.
And I'm glad you enjoy the questions! Maybe some day they'll
be a picture of the demon child sock monkey... but certainly
not for awhile.
Loompa is getting louder at nite and there are more of them.
They keep rolling around the yard and chanting at nite. I complained
to them but they said something like Oompa Loompa oompity doo
if you complain we will atack you. I called the police and they
said they'd look into it. How do I make em stop?
Since oompa loompas have been roaming the country
since theirs was destroyed, it is probably easier for YOU to
move then them. Pack up your stuff and move away to a
colder climate... they hate the cold. If that doesn't
work, they are small and you can beat them with golf clubs.
I get in touch with a mistress monkey when I'm in Japan so I
can get spanked while I'm naked?-Chris Marks
That I do not know. I would suggest asking
many people, and offering them cash as well for the deed.
I'm sure you'll stumble across someone who will spank you.
Gates a a demented mutant that grew up next to a power plant?
Or is he just a really lucky human? -DS
I don't think he's either. He's a guy who started
a business, hit upon something the public needed, then eventually
made the public want his products. He's smart if anything!
One day my business will be that large too... but you'll know
that I am just a lucky sock monkey.
this irritating roommate. He makes those fuckin' irritating
sounds whenever he's eating.That's because he chews with his
mouth open. I just can't stand ittt!!!!!!! Why can't he just
shut the fuck up while eating!! Can you help me end this hell
torture?? I'd like to do something so that he won't notice that
it's me. Arrraaghhhhh!!!!
Well start doing even more annoying things then he...
then he will move out or go crazy.... here
is our list of things to do to annoy your roommate... and
if you do any of them... try to take pictures of it and send
them to us. If that doesn't work, throw out all the food
and only allow soup. If he doesn't keep his mouth shut,
he won't be able to eat, and will starve and die.
Made you and SAnimal Hate eachother?
Well, it started waaayy back when sanimal and I were
just little tykes... he was an asshole then and still is now.
That's about the short and long of it. If it wasn't for
JCP keeping us both in check, he'd be in tiny pieces all over
my front lawn for the wild dogs to eat.
guy with the elephants in his ass: I you can pull things out
of your ass with just 1 finger, you must be really talented.
Sorry that there was no question...--Laser-Monkey
hmm... well I'll let this go through cuz its you...
but next time i beat your ass with a paddle.
monkeys so much i go around raping them. Is this normal?-Chris
No, it is not. The petting zoo is not for that
type of behavior. Please go to Disney World to do this
from now on.
eskimoes have sex with the baby seals they club?
I would hope not... but if they are fucked up enough
to beat a seal, then you never know. I don't think it's
the Eskimos (i think they are Inuit) do that sort of stuff anyways.
have cold pusseys?
If they get outside of the igloo, they will be.
move and I don't have any golf clubs. Are Oompa Loompas flamible,
or should I blow them up? I NEED HELP!
ps are oompa loompas related to those little assholes from phantasm?
They are more easily blown up then lit on fire, however,
they do haunt people once dead... forever singing their shitty
songs. I don't know their lineage... sorry
monkeys does it take to make a gorilla cum?
We're still testing... so far the answer seems to
wrong with being gay?
happy people are annoying. That is what you
you tell if a person is insame? i think my dad is insane and
never to be lock up. he talk to himself all the time like 24/7days
a week.he come out and yells about knowing. i want to know how
to put him away. thanks for taking the question.
Why would you put him away? Next time he starts
talking about knowing, get more details. How do you know
that he's completely correct? Let us know what he says
and then we can figure out if he's insane.
stupid, DC. I sent a girl I really liked a tape of all my private
thoughts and she watched it with a crowd. Then she turned it
into the office and now I'm facing charges. WHat should I do?
Well I certainly wouldn't send her anything else.
Why would you send a tape anyways? If you find yourself
harassing someone or sitting in your car late at night outside
their house... then maybe you have a problem and should get
help. Get counseling.
up. im having a problem ejaculating when my girlfriend in wacking
me off. then i try and it dosent go either so if you would give
me some tips on it. thanx
well maybe it's just not good enough on it's own.
It only gets you so far, and if you don't have any psychological
problems then you & her should get into oral sex.
And yes, I do mean BOTH of you. That way there are no
kids popping out, and both of you are satisfied. If that's
not good enough, then figure out why you can whack off alone
and be satisfied yet not when she does it.
how is it that
we can get music played off of little lines burnd in to a round
peace of plastic (CD's) iv never really figuerd it ot yet, my
theory involes small gnomes and lots of bubble gum, am i on
the right track?? ----DeadRatMonkey
I personally think that you are!
But this is a good question... so let's see if i can scrounge
up the right answer.... and damn it's a little long... so
here is the link... and did you know that every music cd
has subliminal messages on it telling you to buy more stuff?
Now you do.
rephrase that last question… What's wrong with being a homosexual
nothing to the best of my knowledge. Now if
it's a male human, then the fact that he's human is the problem.
Those pesky humans are annoying.
in the hell is that damn "any" key on my keyboard???
actually, if you're running windows 95 or 98, then
to get the any key you have to press Ctrl+Alt+Del at the same
time... and do it twice. That should take care of any
problems you're having.
chris love me?
I sure hope not.
found goal in life is to win one of your good question awards.
What's your's? -DS
To travel around the world, see the earth from space
as i blast far away and to open an insanedomain store.
cd stuff was really intersting , i still like my gnome and bubble
gum idea... it seems more praticale then lazers and plastic
Yea, it was cool to read... and your idea was better.
Maybe you should patent it and sell it.
ways, whay will happen to my friend if i put him under the car
hood and then procide to drive on a long trip with him under
the hood?? ---DeadRatMonkey
Well i don't know if you'd be able to get the hood
shut. You'd have to tie it down and even then, will probably
get pulled over by the cops. As engines get hot when running
for awhile, I would say that your friend would get burned eventually.
It's easier just to run him over a few times.
have nipples? If so, how many?
I thought they have like 4... isn't that where milk
we drink is from?
have any friends my only friend is my penis and sometimes it
squirts me in the eye does it hate me too?
No, it's blowing you a kiss!
is your dick, mine is six feet
I have a very long tail... I can swing from branches
my grandma touches me in special places. so I bit her is this
That depends on where you bit her... and how you
define special places. If she went to hold your hand in
disneyworld, then no, you shouldn't have bit her.
is with chris marks obsession with raping monkeys and talking
about monkey prostitutes?
Well he obviously likes monkeys. There
is nothing wrong with that.... unless of course the monkeys
are howler monkeys... they don't respond well to that sort of
thing. They have awful blow darts that hurt quite a bit
before you pass out.
a monkey prostitute and I'm very offended by your site your
a meenie and you should die!!
That's not a question... silly monkey. And
if you really are a monkey prostitute, then you should be happy
because I have a guy who's interested in hiring you for awhile.
And yes, one day I do plan on dying. It's bad enough I've
had to spend 23 years with all you humans, I sure as hell ain't
sticking around forever.
is stuck in my eye, can you help me pull it out?
I refuse to touch your wiener. Hire a monkey
in my moms bush. I bought a computer just so I could ask you
how to get out. So do you have a map I could use to navigate
my way back to the woods?
No map, just find the tunnel of light and follow
that out to the bush.
raped by a hobo who used a plastic bag for a condom. is that
safe? I think I'm pregnant because i feel bindle stick poking
at my womb?
He's moved in. Once you get your period, he'll
leave. After that, don't sit on public benches.
head is stuck in my vagina. he's been eating out for quite a
while should I pull him out?
If you're enjoying it, then why bother? Just
don't let your parents catch you.
bobbet came over last night and insisted for sausage. should
I run away?
no, offer her sausage. She's been through enough
already, she needs to eat too.
think that putting salt in someones dick is an effecient way
I haven't tried it, so I wouldn't know. How
about you find out and let me know.
are over I hear a clatter in the night is it santa come early
or my grandparents having an orgy?
It's both. When you're old enough, maybe you
can hold santa's bag too.
do you think of when people shit on each other during sex?
I personally don't care for that, but if two (or
more) people like that sort of thing, then good for them.
Just stay out of my place when doing it cuz shit stinks.
what the hell doies that mean>?
its used as a sound to indicate kinky sex or two
women fighting. Once it was even used to describe the
sound of a force feild around a lamp post, but you wouldn't
know anything about that.
i make a balloon animal, i just wanna a freakin balloon dog
and i need instructions...nick
full and complete instructions are found here....
exactly do you tell if you're insane? Is it something you just
know, or does someone have to tell you? It works either way
for me, but what about others? -DS
I had this discussion with someone the other day,
but we were talking about the difference between 'mad' and 'insane'.
So to answer your question, you don't tell at all. It
is all a matter of perspective, and since you are insane, eveyone
else appears insane to you, while you remain sane. Let
me explain this further with a true-life story. There
is a man named Jack who is about 93 years old. He lives
alone in a house. His house is filled with newspapers,
garbage and unopened presents from friends. He won't open
the presents because he is saving them. They have been
there for at least 5 years. He goes to the nearest fast
food place, orders 15 hamburgers, brings them home and freezes
them. When he wants one, he heats it up. In the
winter, he wakes up at 1am and goes out to his driveway to start
clearing away snow. If anyone walks on his snow, he yells
at them. If his neighbors try to help him out by shoveling
his snow, he comes out and screams that they are fuckers and
need to get the hell off his property. He goes up onto
his roof with a broom so he can sweep away the snow. Each
summer he drags his lawn mower out onto his driveway and takes
it apart. At the end of the summer, he puts it back together
and back into the garage it goes. His toes are turning
black because of poor circulation, and he refuses to see a doctor.
He thinks the doctors will give him germs if he goes and then
try to swindle him out of all his money and his house.
To me, Jack is insane. To Jack, I am insane. We
are both right, but Jack thinks that there is nothing wrong
with him. Now is this all due to old age in Jack's case?
Not according to those that have known him for the last 40 years.
Is the snow responsible for this insanity? I think so.
So the moral of the story is, snow sucks.
DOET IT TAKE FOR ECSTACY TO LIVE YOUR BODY ONCE YOU TAKE IT?
hmmmm... that i don't know. If you have to
think about if you're back to normal, then assume it hasn't
left your system yet.
to drink then what do you eat?
solid forms of water.
monkey can climb then what is my moms dicks purpose?
to also climb trees and hang from them. Some
monkeys also use blow darts to capture prey.
wee man named bob is small then what are mokeys for?
for hanging from trees and making loud noises.
some monkeys howl and are called howler monkeys.
man named jim went for a swim he started to piss in his mouth
his dick shot cum asked if i wanted some he then shot some at
me do you like my poem?
not really no... there are no monkeys in it.
man named steve slept in his sleave would you sleep with him?
no, for i do not sleep in sleeves but instead in
trees all i please.
is a human, then how does he make chocolate with his ass?
by eating plenty of coca beans and sugar.
built a nuclear bomb out of some Q-tips a flashlight and two
rabbits, i belive it to work quit well. you have any sugestions
on what to do with it, or any inprovments??---DeadRatMonkey
Sounds good.. you might want to add an anti-human
slogan on the side of it... but other then that... good job.
Actually, an anti-Earthling statement... I forgot... not all
humans are earthlings.
this goat and i turnd him into coffee, you think i can markit
it over E-bay?? or you got any other sugestions??---DeadRatMonkey
Forget that... open up a swanky coffee shop and have
funky goat paintings on the wall. Push a cool logo on
everyone, then eventually sell it once it's worth something,
then relax for the rest of your life.
PEOPLE! don't you? ~P.N.
I hate earth-people! Swarming mindless masses!
Get off the damn planet already!
do people that don't like this site keep on coming back? ~P.N.
because deep down inside they love me and yearn to
hear what i have to say next. quite frankly they hate
to love me, but can't help it cuz i'm just so wonderful.
and yes, i do accept cash donations to keep my sock monkey collection
penis's get into a fight, and one goes down after a hard blow.
will the injured penis reflect on his life and try to relize
if he was misused or beaten
I would think that you are correct. I've seen
some shows where penises have been near-death, and they claim
to have seen a pink tunnel of light beckoning. There is
no proof either way, but the stories are pretty convincing.
Maybe it's just chemicals in the dying penis, maybe its the
maths teacher who said all that stuff my math teacher by any
chance? Cuz my math teacher, Mr White, is totally like that
- he has these little phrases, like "boogie boogie disco
boogie" and "make it beeyootiful - I want you to show
all your working and I want it to be beeyootiful." and
so many more that would never fit onto this page, and I wouldn't
have the time anyway.
Not the same teacher, but you should write what your
teacher says down and save it. That's what I did... and
if he ever freaked out and killed someone, I had plenty of evidence
to show his insanity. Boogie boogie disco boogie... that's
had a colony of monkeys living up my ass for some years now.
Is there an easier way to feed them, rather than stuffing bananas
Try eating lots of bananas. They are ass-monkeys,
and therefore like digested bananas. You'll find they
scratch less when you feed them this way.
man comes into my bedroom every year at Christmas and empties
his sack. I think its my dad. What should I do?
Be good all year round... and be sure to leave out
cookies, milk and a condom.
says a clean penis is a healthy penis. She cleans it with her
tongue. Is this normal?
Well that is a creepy saying, but yes I suppose it's
normal.... my parents cat Eddie cleans his own penis... so be
glad you don't have to do it yourself.
says I have to have sex with her. She says this is what other
kids do. Is this true?
Ask the other kids... I find it hard to believe that
your grandmother is having sex with ALL those kids.
takes pictures of me naked. I'm only 11 years old. He says I
could be a model. Do you think he is telling the truth?
Well I don't think he can tell if you can be a model
yet. Try to set up a webpage with those pictures or you'll
never see any real money... and that is what it's all about.
And be sure NOT to send me the link... I don't find kids appealing...
in fact I hate them all except for Marley (the daughter of a
friend) who writes about wolf attacks taking the baby away in
is an alien. Do you think I could sue. Due to breach of copywrite?
Doubtful... or everyone could sue that movie "Reality
my accountng teacher insane
two reasons... 1. this person is a teacher.
2. They teach accounting.
are the humens going to die out,,, and when are the sock monkeys
going to take over?
well the humans die out in the next million years...
then the cats take over "felis sapiens" and rule for
about 10 million years, and then the sock monkeys will
herman always sniff my ass? how can I get him to go way?
stop hiding raw meat in your ass and you'll find
that many things leave your ass alone.
smells like fish the most? a) mikes mom, B) Adam, C) a small
squirrel, or d) princess diana
I'd have to say mike's mom, for obvious reasons.
uncle mikey have a small penis?
genetics...all the men in your family have this problem.
Ya know, ive been coming here for a long time, andyet i have
only gotten a reward once or twice! well i think its about time
i get one! here is my question! DO YOU LIKE SALTY PEANUTS, OR
Well my friend... if I just GAVE them away then they
wouldn't really mean anything would they? I prefer unsalted,
but you're going to have to try again for an award! I'll
keep my eye out for the award-winning question from you.
I get a major credit by the time I turn Eighteen?
Send all your money and any sock monkeys you have
to me and I'll take care of it for you.
site came up while I was searching on Northern Light for bamboo.
Who in the hell are YOU? If I plant you in my yard, will you
bamboo? hmmm... and yes, I will grow in your
yard, but not very quickly. Once the maggots develop,
then I will grow quicker. Be sure to water me twice a
day, and I need direct sunlight for at least 2 hours.
am Dr. SockenMonkeystein I can create sock monkeys, and I have
a large assortment of colors, i love it, but the trouble is
when i wake up in the morning my sockenmonkeysteins have dirt
and grass on their little sockenmonkeystein feet, and a strange
reddish brown stain around their mouth and on their hands, my
neighbors (or what neighbors i have left, they keep abruptly
disappearing, how odd) now keep insisting on executing me, and
i am pelted with rotting fruit and old hamburger when i try
to go out, i wonder why this is, do you know how i could be
a better neighbor? and why are my sockenmonkeysteins expressing
such odd behavior? could they be becoming sexually mature? perhaps
i should separate the adult males from the juveniles? or should
i have them fixed? i take good care of them, and i make sure
to pair only the most compatible and matching sockenmonkeysteins
together, and i only use the softed and most top quality stuffing,
but yet they are still wandering at night, perhaps when i create
more i will use 100% cotton socks only..
You can be a better neighbor by giving all your neighbors
one of your sockmonkeysteins. Your sockmonkeysteins are
behaving as young sockmonkeysteins do... so yes they are becoming
sexually mature. You need to separate the younger normal
ones from the older crazy ones. If you have them fixed,
then the problems will stop. I'm glad to see that you
take good care of them and insist they have a proper diet.
You can send a black sockmonkeystein to me just to be sure though.
no, that is some chapstick you put in your pocket
will the mothership come and take us away?
not soon enough... and quite frankly, I'd like to
see who's coming on board before I decide to leave.
you ever experienced lesbian sex if not you should its grrrreat
to the best of my knowledge, no, not directly.
Good Question Award is awarded to those with good questions
then why didn't I get one
you haven't asked a good question... and you didn't
even remember to include a question mark!
ask just any stupid question you've got unless it's a good one.
you get out of my head?
because you haven't put up the tinfoil wallpaper
yet... until you do I can hear all your thoughts.
human culture can be very annoying at times, especially the
children and the old people. Someone told me that ants have
a much more complex culture than humans, but I don't find them
nearly as annoying. Why is this. -DS
Because ants can't drive cars and cut you off.
Ants can't call you up in the middle of the night with a wrong
number. An ant doesn't do stupid things like start wars
or form governments and religions to control your every waking
moment. And you can fry ants with magnifying glasses without
being put in jail.
would you call a person who whats to be like someone else real
bad and they steal because of it?
why would they steal because of this? Obviously
they don't have much intelligence. Give them a britney
spears cd, the latest fashions, and sign them up for some retarded
reality show. This will ensure that they never have to
think for themselves again, and will have no time to think about
copying someone else.
do grandmas try to pinch cheeks? It hurts!
trying doesn't hurt... only when they succeed.
To get away, simply bite them and spit out anything that falls
off in your mouth in their face.
Why are so
many people obbsessed with sex?
Those who don't get any like to complain
and think about it all the time. It's sad, I know.
right for me to want to completely exterminate the human race?
I tried it once with the bubonic plague, but that didn't work
as well as I wanted it. Is there any thing else I can use instead?
Sure it's right, and try renting the 12 monkeys.
Make sure any virus you spread is quick-killing, but not so
quick that it won't spread.
You know all
those "Reality" shows where you get a bunch of people
together with no one else around? I'd like to know how they
got the camera there. And have you ever tried living on a diet
of bugs and sea water? Its not that great, in fact, I wouldn't
do it again even if the entire human race agreed to become my
Well they bring in the cameras various
ways... but no i haven't tried living on bugs and sea water.
And those shows are just bullshit anyways. They are getting
worse and worse. Instead of hating characters in shows,
we can now hate real people. We can see people suffer,
and wonder what else they will do for money. That temptation
island bullshit is unbelievable... what an example that was
to teens everywhere. They put sluts and fuckups on the
island and tempt them with sex. Pathetic and they should
kill everyone who watched it too. If humans agreed to
be my slaves, I'd eat bugs and then have them all kill themselves.
I hope that this answer has brought sunshine into your life!
Im just curious about what your opinion is, Do you think the
american government is a democracy, or an oligarchy? I think
the latter, even though every ignorant amerikan claims its democracy.
Ever see a bum running for office!? Im voting Biafra.-Laser-Monkey
I would like to see a bum run for office too.
I honestly don't care what the american government is... it
will eventually fail... not that we already see this happening!
Maybe you should run for office, I'd vote for you if I was american...
but luckily I'm not.
hehe, thanks... i might run... if i
grow up. i am an anrachist on the other hand, so the fat ignorant
asswarts wont vote for me, cept for the punks... we can always
rely on them ;)-Laser-Monkey
have really smart people in the world, why dont we control their
minds and make them make smart pills so we can all be smart?
First of all, we have to find a way to control their
minds. While TV is usually a good way to do this, the
smart people will be too smart to sit for hours watching it.
Secondly, if there were smart pills, then millions of people
would suddenly realize how incredibly stupid they were, and
how they have destroyed their world, their lives, and others
lives... and they would kill themselves... hey... that's not
so bad... start producing smart pills!
you think will will be the first to take over the world: Canadians,
Microsoft, McDonalds, or aliens from some other planet? -DS
I've already covered this!!!! Microsoft already
did it along with McDonalds... we must fight them! Don't
let them brainwash you and feed you their products or food!!!!
The cats will ultimately take over, so you be nice to them and
maybe buy them catnip and treats so they don't make you into
kitty-litter cleaning slaves.
time?, is it safe? , will it hurt?, are you going to hold my
hand?, thanx your the best
Not it's not time, no it's not safe, yes it will
hurt an awful lot, and no, I don't know where your hand has
been. I know I'm the best... but thanks.
you think its about time for you to ask the questions??
Yea, but no one ever gives me believable answers...
or they say "no one knows that" and then push me away.
keller was psychic, would you say she had the fourth sense?
I wouldn't say anything really because I don't think
some people enjoy eating each other's shit during sex?
because it turns them on... duh! The question
is... can they tell what the other person ate the day before?
illegal to charge an admission fee to a free-for-all?
Yes, but charge double for the drinks, and water
them down. Put out pretzels, it makes them more thristy.
mother walked to the mall there was a man in a schnazzy shiny
jacket she paid him 10 dollars and he brought her into the broom
closet what the hell is she doing in there?
Organizing her broom collection. That man was
a prominent broom-dealer.
oral sex so stimulating, you got some chick sucking you with
a mouth full of cum, sick, sick shit.
That's the way it is for males receiving oral sex.
If is the female receiving it, then it's different. Basically,
whoever is on the receiving end is the lucky one... unless it's
a 69 deal... then it's winners all round. And if you don't
like it... send the person over to my place.
in a magazine that dolphins are very horny and they wrap their
penises around people and drag them around the water.
I have never heard that... but that sure would explain
all those flipper episodes...
has humped his mom once again, how do you get him to stopp!!!!
who are you to tell him to stop? if his mom
doesn't like it, then she'll ground him. Keep your nose
out of it.
type in gibberish or just plain retarded questions, they will
be DELETED and receive no reply. alright?
dont have a question. i just wanted to tell u that i hate u
and everyone else and i wish that we would die already and get
ot pver with. and if it doesnt happen soon i will make it happen.
Excellent! Good luck on your mission.
are you from? Is there any spaghetti there? -DS
Canada, and yes. My mother makes the best spaghetti,
but I can no longer eat it.
ANY GGOD MANUALS ON WOMEN AND HOW THEY THINK IF THERE ISN'T
YOU SHOULD GO UNDER COVER AS A GOOD SOCK MONKEY, LEARN THEIR
WAYS, AND PUBLISH A BOOK ABOUT IT. P.S. YOU COULD MAKE MILLIONS
AND FREE ALL OF THE SOCK MOKEYS OF THE WORLD AND HAVE THEY LIVE
WITH THE ALIENS. -Pyro
manuals on women that are useful? hardly.
And there are none on men either. You see, everyone is
different. I know the ways of all humans... and for a
certain amount of money I will share this information with you.
I would love to make millions, but so far no one seems to want
to give it to me! Everyone should send me money and sock