I'm so very happy you put my question up, now i have a few more for you. 
1. Which is more of a public outcry? Maiming or Killing? I mean, I imagine a God-fearing Christian forced on her knees and shot in the back of her head with a 12 gauge shotgun is " socially unacceptable " but imagine. Every five minutes blow a hostages' extremity off and THEN let them go. You be the judge. 
2. I've decorated my room with a lage amount of index cards with people I don't like on them. There are a lot, and I had to classify them on a rather loose system. Anyways, what else can I do to improve my " decor " i'm thinking blood, but I don't have a good things to write. Help me out.
 3. Lately, i've been walking and i get " cold chills ". It has a lot to do with when i'm angry or thinking " socially unacceptable thoughts ". I think i'm feeling evil in a very pure form. Care to elaborate? -San
1. Well, I don't care what the person being shot believes, it's irrelevant.  I would personally say that the public would be more offended with people having body parts shot off because the media would be able to better hype up the whole ordeal.  If people were killed, then sure it'd be a big deal, but there would be no tear-jerking interviews and updates on how it's affected the victims lives.
2.  Voodoo dolls hanging from your ceiling would look good.  Perhaps various weapons on your wall would fit as well.
3.  I do not believe in the existence of 'evil' because I would then have to believe in a god.  If you feel chills when you think like that, then don't think like that.  Plus, who cares if you think about stuff like that, just don't act on it unless you can deal with the bullshit it will cause after.

if i shoved a hot ironup your ass, shot you in your leggs, then dump off in the middel of the desert what would you do???...gopostal
Well, I'd probably scream in pain from the hot iron, pass out from being shot in the legs, and I'd die in the desert.  That or I'd be pretty pissed and never call you again.

when is the Johnny the Homicidal Maniac movie coming out?
Never heard of it, so I'm assuming by xmas so they can sell more toys.

why do they call it 'the cosby show' when they are the Huxtables? why did harry meet sally? smurfette is such the slutt! why do you drive on a parkway, and park in a driveway? i miss gummi bears animation. daddy, is that you? NO! why is my breed of sock monkeys dying out? shaggy and scoobie doo are smoking pot again. i saw the smoke billowing out of the van. and they have the munchies again. do you know when a door isn't a door? i do. it is when it is a jar! ha, ha! slim shady. yeah, i hear you. (not you, the little voice in my head). do you have any dreams you'd like to sell? nevermore, quoth the raven. i said thier is a fly in my soup goddammnitt! carry your ass out the door. the aliens may see you... yes, i am too sane! i have papers stating it! bambie sue
Because Bill Cosby has such a hang up about his name.  Harry met Sally because Sally was slutty and Harry was horny.  Sock monkeys never die, they just lose all their fuzz.  I have dreams every night, and welcome offers from those who wish to buy them.  (PS - Glad to know you're still alive Bambie Sue)

I'll dye it but I don't think I'll come out purple unless It's a white sock monkey. Have you seen any white ones? ~P.N.
No, I've seen the gray one though... i took pictures of them when they were doing nasty things too.

Who invented the lollypop?
That would be Lolly-ann Pop.  She wanted to lick her candies instead of having them in her mouth.  So she put it on a stick.

Why does my life suck so fucking much. The only comfort I have is my bullet proof vest and a yard filled with land mines. Any other suggestions?
Razor wire around the yard works well.  If you start to doubt your existence, then cut yourself with it to bring you back to reality.  Pain makes you see clearer.  And life only sucks when you work in a job where they treat you like shit, don't give you promised raises, never give you an office, never think you've done well and continue to treat you like shit.

Hi. I wanted to let you know that I wrote something, here it is. Laugh today cry tomorrow die again filled with sorrow leave another touch of death as my heart fails to beat and I began to freeze the depths of hell swallow me and I live again to see tomorrow. I love you dc.
That's not a question, and no, I don't think you do love me.

Sock monkeys do nasty things? Like what? No wait... don't tell me... no ... okay... yeah, tell me.
The hesitant way that you asked proves to me that you are currently unable to handle the truth of the sock monkeys.  You must continue to train from the masters, and one day you will be told the truth.

I gave DemonBoy a cat and now the cat's dead. I'm thinking of cutting off one of his fingers, should I do it? ~P.N.
That all depends on why the cat died.  If it was his fault, then cut off everything, but if it wasn't his fault, then he gets to hurt you.

if i where a dick and you where a mouth what would you do?
I probably wouldn't associate with you because all you'd want to do is silence me.  I'd introduce you to my friend asshole and i'm sure you two would make a great couple.

How do they get the deer to cross at those yellow signs?
Read Killer Deer From Hell in articles... and you'll see just how smart the deer really are... never underestimate a deer.

did you know the lolly pop men are asexual losers they couldnt even steal a piuce of cheese.that lolly pop question was cool,props.will you touch me?i feel lonely,and you still havent given me my wallet back you whore!?i also want a jelly omelet as compensation.john lubits and mark tony eatin' eyeballs and macoroni.expe t a cristmas carol from me.boo boo --demonboy"_"
I will not touch you unless you pay for my airfare to where ever it is that you live.  I told you that I didn't touch your wallet.  I don't celebrate xmas so no carols ever for YOU.

Why are they called buildings when they'er already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?-Lint
They are called that to give homage to the block goddess Buildina.  By erecting these structures, the ancient tribe of the Buildinians believed that good fortune would be given to those who lived in the highest rooms of the structure.  This is why penthouse suites are so expensive.

How come superman could stop bulllets with his chest,but when someone throws a gun at him he'd always duck?-lint
Because guns are bigger then bullets, so therefore they hurt more to be hit with.

Why are farting noises so funny sounding?
Maybe they are only funny to you.  Sometimes gas can be quite painful to release and there you are making fun of a serious problem.  Shame on you and your mother.

Why doesn't tarzan have a beard?-Lint
Because he is actually an alien posing as a jungle human (their terminology, not mine) and he hasn't mastered facial hair.

When I earase a word with a pencil where does it go?-lint
Now if I told you that, I'd have to tell everyone, and what would be the point of an eraser?  Sometimes it's just better if you people don't know the truth.

Why is it so fun to act retarded? Do you like to act retarded? Can you bite your ear or your nose? If I'm retarded (or just want to be) what should I do?
I only found it fun when I was young.  A friend and I would go door to door, her pretending to be retarded, and we would ask people if it was ok if she used their swingset.  Other times I would act retarded and go into stores, with my friend pretending to be my caretaker.  Either way, it may be fun to act like that, but for people who really do have to live with it, they'll know when you're pretending and will kick your sorry ass.  I don't think you have to worry about acting like one though, or even wanting to be like that, cuz basically you already are... so enjoy!

Hey, thanks for the advice about the razor wire. But i don't even have a job. I cut myself, and i can see a bit clearer, but these people keep pressing god on me. Who is this jessus? And what is this Hollie Bibble? -San
Run far away from these people... pretty soon they'll have you killing first borns, slaughtering whole towns and imposing insane restrictions on what you can or can't do.  The bible they talk about is a dead story that these people use to prove non-existent points and provide make-believe 'facts' about our world. Steer clear from these crazy people... they are the worst type.

Let him hurt me!? again? He has cut me, he tried to choke me, handcuf me. I think it's my turn now, don't you think? I also want to cut of his fingers 'cause he killed a poor defenseless weasel while he was sleeping in his room. I think he was jelous of the weasel and his good fortune. ~P.N.
mmmm... handcuffs..... boy does that bring back memories.... and weasels... mmmmmmm

I would put some voodoo dolls up, but I don't want to look ghetto. I spent all my money on Riot Gear and weapons like you said, so i'd have to make voodoo dolls out of potatoes and olives. But then again, i need to eat... Any other decorations you can think of?
Yes, keep some bottled water around.  I would look into getting some skulls or bits of human bones too.  They are fun to play with and make great instruments.

why dose everyone say that being good and happy is good for you when being bad and angry is much easier and more fun?... gopostal
Because happy people become happier when they see that they are annoying others.  Don't believe anything that 'everyone' tells you.  Humans as a group are stupid, yet the individual is a bit smarter.

You guys(and girls) think of some great stuff? But do we ever know when stuff becomes obsolete? Like slinky's, and anything neon?
Why thanks... and nothing on this site becomes obsolete, just stupid or boring.  We decide what we want online, and rip out the rest... we have loads of stuff offline still like the horrorscopes, the reviews, the results of polls, articles, pictures and more.  We add things at random.... and who said slinkys were obsolete???

Do you make your sock monkeys or do you buy them somewhere?
So far I have had them given to me by others who have bought them.

where did the word gibberish come from?did it come from the giber people?--demonboy"_"
I think it came from the Giber colonies.  Back in ancient times, the Gibers were a strong sock monkey tribe who roamed the plains of what became known as Canada.  They used blow darts and trained howler monkeys.  Sadly, they all died at some point or another. And so long lives the word gibberish.

It's been a while now. I have plenty of bottled water now. I chased cats today, but it got cold, then hot, and I realized I was sitting in the grass. Suddenly, the moon came out and It was so big, it felt like I might bump my head on it. My last girlfriend was a Masochist, I almost found out the hard way. I should have listened to my inner voice, eh? People are afraid of me and I'm the whitest person I know. Ever had a grudge that was just insanely beautiful it finally manifested into physical strength and almost to the point where you can do just about anything? -San
Which inner voice do you listen to?  There are always so many telling you so many things... kill the paperboy... eat the gum off the sidewalk... that dog is staring at me... they're all going to laugh at me... eat the gum, go on.... will anyone miss the paperboy if i kill him.... black holes are amazing... what about the dropa disks... jupiter is really big... cool shades of colors... that sun is too bright... that sun is a star.... do i touch the sock monkey there or not.... 
anyways.... i have released my grudges into violent displays of rage and verbal abuse.  That's about all i could do with it.

why the hell am i sending a question, its not like i can concentrate remotely long enough for it to make any kinda coherent sense look it just begins to spiral around and around and around some more for good measure, oh wait its not a question, yes it is, hm well it might be, dunno, questions questions. oh yeah why am i asking this question is the question.....
You are asking because you are seeking guidance in your sorry life.  You have no goals, no future and no hope.  Quite frankly, even your mother has given up on you, she tells everyone you're the exchange student from the Arctic.

Hey, I decided to write and ask a few more questions. 1. Lately, the sky has been rippling and the lights seem way too bright, what's up with that???? 2. I downloaded the Soviet National Anthem performed by the Russian Red Army Choir and I find it to be rather enjoyable. Namely because I think it sounds pround and whenever I play it in a crowd, they seem to part around me. Why is that? -San
1.That is just the way the aliens would like it for when they take us over.  Don't be worried.  2.Most people are afraid of national anthems due to all the horrible plagues and killing it has caused.  Ignore them.

what is a good age to commit your first murder?
Well, the quality and reason of the murder is more important then the age you are.  Age is irrelevant if the murder is for a stupid reason and done in a un-creative way.

Do you know why is a Raven like a writing desk? ~P.N.
Because they can both be taken apart, ground up and eaten with pickles.

If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic. Right? ~P.N.
Logic is that fuzzy bit of brain that makes it alright for people to do nasty things to one another without having to feel bad about it or responsible for their actions.   Oh... wait a minute... that's religion.

how can you make service apart of your every day life?
You could come work for me.  I would make sure that you wouldn't have to worry about this anymore.  Please forward me your resume, along with a list of domestic skills you have.

are you sure you dont want to see the cristmas carol?it starts off- deck the halls with parts of charlie. ....raise the tree an bring the latter.... top it off with gil's gal blader. so how bout it ?its nice* and gory:) (*)the evil nice NOT the good nice.evr see an evil mantis?P.S. so you are a whore.
xmas sucks.... i guess i'll have to put my sign up again... but gory is fun.  Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun. 

If the word horrible becomes horiffic, why does the word terrible become teriffic? Has the world gone mad!!! donna, uk
The english language has adopted so many words from other languages, that it doesn't always make sense.  English is the hardest language to learn and even those who speak english don't always understand each other!  UK english is different from Canadian, and both of those are different then US english.  Languages are strange... it'd be nice if we all knew the same one, but it'd be a shame to loose all the others.  Either way, the word terrific sucks and should be outlawed because only bubbly airheads use it to describe how they feel.

Why is my brother such a dick 'ed?
Because all brothers are.  And all sisters are bitches.  It's just the way things are.  The trick is to gang up together so the parents can't have majority rule!

does our subconcience comunicate and if so would the word DORG many thing to you
DORG to me means Don't Organize Retired Grandparents.  It may mean other things to other people, such as Donate Organs, Randomly Giggle.  My subconscious communicates all the time with me... I dream every night and remember it, and I am constantly daydreaming.

Humans seem to live to suffer and then die. What is the point in life if we suffer throughout? Are we bred to teach others to suffer? or are we bred to die?
We are bred to live, then die.  You decide how the living part goes, or else someone else will.

If a newborn baby was (for some tragicreason) raised by monkeys and therefore talked their language. Do u think that if we stole it from the monkeys ten years later and taught him english, we could use him to communicate with monkeys? Don't you think the world would be a better place? We could find out why they find bananas so appealing couldn't we? Wonderful!!!
I don't think it'd be tragic to be raised by monkeys... look how some people raise their kids... monkeys would at least love the kid!  The kid would be able to communicate with the monkeys, but not us... and depending on the age of the kid when we found it, the kid may be past the age of being able to learn enough to communicate with us properly.  Bananas are good... why do we have to be monkeys to enjoy them!!!

a conscience dosent stop you from doing bad things, it only stops you from enjoying them.what do you think about this?--demonboy
I think that that is a fair statement.  I like my conscience though... 

where you aware tha DEATH has a horse named binky, likes flowers and kittens, and worked as a short order cook once?kinda puts things in a wierd light dont it? just a little personal note my mom gave me an early cristmas present, a nice white coat with stylish long sleeves and some nice soft walls in my room.i think they go quite well with my MSA* hair style.--demonboy "_" (*)mad scientist afro.
Death ROCKS.... and padded walls are an awesome gift!  Now you can throw yourself against the wall and it doesn't hurt!!!  Try it out!!!  If you want to run head first into it... strap a pillow to your head too!

Isn't the whole point of a Q&A to give helpful information? the only thing more usless than your answers is a paper-mache todem-pole floating in a pool of green jello in New York.
The whole point of this q&a is to ask insane questions (the Q), and to recieve insane answers (the A).  My answers are only as useful as the question calls for.  And I love that paper-mache todem-pole floating in a pool of green jello in New York.... don't you diss it.

Me and a friend of mine are mentally sick! It started off with us screming "nnnnnyyyyyyaaaa!!!" But for the past six months or so, we've become sick and twisted. We talk about scalping chogs and stroking monkeys! What advice have u got for us?
Stroke monkeys with your left hand, and never go against the fur.

what do we do with all the fat people overloading the world with methane gas and killing the ozone?
fat people don't overload the world with methane, people who have terminal gas problems do.  Get your facts straight or I'll send over a fat person to sit on you.  As for getting rid of those methane people... just light them on fire.

Why the hell do people like William Shatner? He's fat, he can't act, and he let his wife get drowned in his pool.
People like him because he is the Big Giant Head, and you don't mess with that.

dont you think you should post a "good answer award?" i think some of your answers are dwarfed by the quality of the questions you answer. i would like to know what answers to read and which to skip. my time is valuable and not to be wasted on poop like answers. please dont delete this, i am trying to help you. if you like, you can rip on this question and then make fun of my lineage. Sounds fun, no? also, are you guys Canadian? i see all this UK stuff and i am confused because you say canada leeches off of welfare. i love what you've done with the place.- love, ed romanofv.
My answers are always good... well Ok, so perhaps even I get bored when I'm writing them.  I suppose the longer ones tend to be a bit better, but I don't have much time to answer all these questions, much less rate them. Perhaps someday someone will pay me to maintain this website daily and then I'd be glad to rate them.  Yes, we are all Canadian.  I didn't say everyone leaches off welfare, just some people who ruin it for everyone.  I am unaware if UK has a welfare system at all.  And thanks... we've been decorating for the winter.

last night I had a dream that my arse started singing...does this mean that I should try a career in the music business? p.s. do u think it's time I took a shower?
Last night I had a dream that I was shot just before I was to meet Mike Patton.  Boy was I pissed when I woke up.  Anyways, no you shouldn't start a career in the music industry.  Your ass should, but you stay out of it.  And yes, take a shower.

Why the hell do they but brail on drive-thru ATMs?
So blind people out driving around can get some cash.  Just because they're blind doesn't mean they can't live normal lives.

is sex good therapy for break-ups?
depends on who the sex is with.

i can't feel my heart. Does this have anything to do with too many people to care about?
It might have something to do with the fact that there is a large knife embedded in it.  Just pull it out and you'll be fine.

why do u never update your site?
Well, when it was first built in 1996, there was no need to ever update it because it was just that good.  We've decided to leave it exactly the way it was back then, and to this day have not updated it even once.  Some may say that we're trapped in the past, but we just appreciate our history.  Perhaps someone as observant as yourself should work for the government, as you clearly are able to see through the bullshit and point out the obvious truths of this world.

Many people say that dogs can communicate by barking. If this is true, how did they learn that language? Who taught them if there was no other dog around to teach them?
Barking is not a language.  Humans would still make sounds even if no one taught them a language.  Plus, dogs use telepathy to speak to each other, and they are taught by other dogs through telepathy.  

have you ever licked a gecko? If not, why? it's so much better than getting screwed by a sock monkey.
I didn't know it could get better then being screwed by a sock monkey!  Where do you get geckos or is there a licking booth somewhere?

Is being crazy the same as being insane? If so, how does being insane keep me from going crazy?
Crazy is when you do things and you're too stupid to not know better.  Insane is when your perception of life is quite different then others, yet you don't realize that and think that everyone else is crazy, and they are.

why is it that i scare people without even trying? and why is it that babys stare at me, not the "were babys so we'll stare at anything" stare but the "we know what you are" stare and then start crying?--db"_"
babies are annoying crying machines... ignore them.  As for you scaring people.... quite frankly it's your breath, and that crusted snot that's always on your face... a damp washcloth would help.

is it my imagination, or does creams "white room" have the same basic beat as steppenwolfs "magic carpet ride?"
Now if I told you, you'd never use your imagination again, and quite frankly, I encourage imagination.

do you like george carlin or bill hicks?
I don't know who bill is so I'll go with george.

do you like fucking a mice tight sock monkey ass?
what do mice have to do with it?  That is a completely different night.

so you like the taste of semen in your mouth?
which type in particular?  everyone's tastes different... just like snot.

how do you get a dog hard? its an insane question.
Not really insane... more sick.  I'm sure you would stimulate it sexually to produce a 'hard' penis reaction from the dog.  If you want the dog to get hard muscles, exercise and training would do the trick.

show me the way to the next whisky bod,o dont ask why,o dont ask why, for if i dont find my next whiskey bod i tell you,you WILL die.aNyWAyS if i gave you money then said i fucked your girl friend and your mom,what would you do...gopostal
you're assuming that i have or like girls, and assuming that i was born instead of instantaniously being created like so many believe the world was.  Other then that... I'd thank you for the money.

Can you reffer me to a site that might give me any info on the effects of different colored light on plants?  What effect does different colored lights have on plants?
Well, as far as what is in "Color Psychology and Color Therapy" by Faber Birren, experiments were done with plants and different colors by Dr. Withrow.  He found that responses differed for long-day and short-day plants.  In long-day plants, the greatest response occurred in the red region.  Under yellow, green, and blue the plants did not grow tall or flower, but the foliage was abundant.  A plant treated under infrared did not flower.  With short-day plants, supplementary red light hindered flowering. Now you don't need to go to any other site, but you may want to go to library or get the book I mentioned for more information.  Bet you didn't think I'd give you a real answer...

I like cheese....do you?
I like very old cheese. It's quite nippy.

I took your advice and stroked my gambian tree monkey in the direction of its fur with my left hand. Unfortunatly though, the little b*****d moved suddenly and I stupidly took its eye out! I tried explaining to the monkey that I am right handed and therefore I haven't got good reflexes in my left hand, but he didn't care! He spat a load of verbal abuse at me for, what seemed like, forever! Because of the abuse I was subjected to, I am currently getting help from a group called "Animal Abuse Victims Anon" Basically, my question is....seeing as it was your advice that got me into this mess, are you going to foot the counselling bill???
No, you're the one who poked out it's eye.  Quite frankly, inferior petting is the cause of most monkey abuse cases.  I hope they fry your bad-petting sorry ass.

What the is the most insane thing you did as a kid?
I had drawn buttons on the back of my closet wall, and when I was in trouble, my parents would find me in there frantically hitting the buttons hoping that when I opened the door I'd be somewhere else.

if i put underpants on my head and yealed out a sock monkey war cry what would you do?...gopostal
I would return the cry and instigate a war, as putting underpants on your head and yelling is the global signal for war.  After a few pointless years of fighting, we both go home and continue to write nasty letters to each other.  After another year, we send only ugly postcards to each other.  Once another year has passed, we only send cards on birthdays until one of us dies.

where are the sock monkeys? I see monkeys all over the place but none of them are sock.
Those are monkeys that have not yet evolved to become socks.  Give them time.

Will you have sex with me?
Only if you pay me and if I get to use various foods.

Are you gay?
Why no, I'm not all that happy today.

Are you a gerbel fondler? How about a rodent raper? Hampster humper? Squirrel squeezer? Ferret fucker? Mole molester? Lizard licker?
Uh, no.  I do like eating fruit bars though.  Boy are they good.  Sometimes they kinda melt a bit, but that just makes them more enjoyable.  Perhaps you should stay away from the zoo... they don't like your type in there.

What does toilet cleanser taste like?
Kinda minty... 

If a deaf kid cursed, would his mother wash his hands with soap?
No, she'd force him to sign a million times "I will not swear"

do you consiter your self a whore or just a slut?...gopostal
Depends on the day really... 

How long does it take for a sock monkey to cum?
20 seconds if you're good

?he aedi dooG !yad eht rof sdrawkcab etirw ot enoyreve rof si aedi ehT .egap saedI dna sthguohT enasnI ruoy rof aedi na s'ti ,noitseuq enasni na t'nsi sihT <<<Start here.
Well, that would be extremely annoying.  I would also have to do that to all the stuff I already have and quite frankly that is a big pain in the ass.

who is a good liar?
hmmm... hard to reply... so many liars out there... but so few of them good.  Also, many people are liars, but somehow don't think they are, or that it's ok to lie to get what you want.  Politicians, lawyers, government, technical support, large corporations and the list goes on and on.  Advertising and TV are the best means of lying though.  I'm a damn good liar if I ever say "Hey, it doesn't matter about the environment and I'm thinking of going to McDonalds to eat while I plan to do everything that TV tells me to do."

i hate people a lot.dont you?--db"_"
Yes, yes I do.

why didnt you answer my question about "why cant light escape a sigularity if light has no isotonic mass?" yet you answered the one the one about plants and light?i still want you to answer my light/sigularity question. ohh yha when you commented about me needing help with a shotgun after you saw my tips on violence in the quote section did you mean a shotgun to my head kinda help or shotgun in my hand kinda help? also you told me you were going to do something with the quotes, what happened?--db"_" stay insane
I like plants.  And perhaps I don't want to tell you about light escaping a singularity if light has no isotonic mass.  Maybe you should figure it out on  your own!  And shotgun in your hand kinda help... make sure to take out stupid people only... like that's hard... ha ha!  I'm not sure what will be done with the quotes... it's anther chunk of stuff we're not sure what to do with yet.  They might come back... but not anytime soon.

why does life suck?
If it didn't... what would be the point?

i see villains everywhere.i see them next to me on the bus, i see them on the t.v., i hear them on the radio,i see them walking down the aisle of the market, i hear them trying to push theyr ideas and hearing no one elses.but why should i close MY eyes cover MY ears and shut out the voice in my head that tells me that i shouldnt listen to them?i see villains every where.do you know what i mean bye villains?what do you think about the villains?--db "_"
I think the villains should all be removed... a virus like the one in 12 monkeys to eliminate all of us.  Humankind is vile and lacking any intelligence.  In the meantime, turn off your tv, turn off your radio, and think only your own thoughts.  Just keep coming here... you need some insanity... and sign all your money and cds over to me.

Why does my sister keep banging her head against the wall?
Probably because it feels so good when she stops.

it's time to find the jello hiding in the plants.... don't deny it... i know it's there.  you must keep a box of Yellow Jello in every kitchen's cupboard just for safe keeping  ...gotta have it, it is very important  also, green jello is pretty adequate considering it's green
well, i'm of the belief that the yellow is always bad... and that orange is the wave of the future.  Orange is totally the way. And the green is only for plants, the government just wants you to eat it so they can track you and sell your travel habits to big companies.

Have you ever written in questions pretending to be someone else but really it's just you?
You have no proof and I refuse to respond to these wild accusations.

Have you ever pondered the color green?
Only on Fridays after eating pizza.  I think that green is green because cartoon frogs are green and quite frankly, cartoon frogs don't like any other color.  Kermit also likes green.

Can you name all the planets and identify which ones have rings?
Duh... of course.... Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto (still in debate about if it's a planet or not but they've decided for now to continue to include it as a planet), and Saturn, Uranus and Neptune have rings.  Everyone knows this stuff though.

If I slapped the ass of a monkey named Bob, how would the bus know I was there to pick me up?
The more relevant question is "How did you know the monkeys name was Bob, and what made you believe that a monkey would have a stupid name like Bob?".  The answer to all of it is 42.

What the hell is Nodnol?
It's London spelled backwards... it's a backwards world where santa comes down the chimney and steals all the kids favorite toys.

The voices in my head won't talk to me anymore and my gerbel keeps calling me names. MY NAME IS NOT SHIRLEY!!!!!!!!
Surely it is.... and if you changed the newspaper in the gerbils cage, it would yell at you.  As for the voices in your head, send them flowers and they'll be sure to talk to you again.

was it art that made the fart or the fart that made the art and is that why most art smells?...gopostal
only art can make a fart art but the fart is not made by art, only into art.  And it is not the art that smells, but the environments in which they are in.

if you opened a bar for fags would you call it the bloody butthole or the dirt little sock monkey?... gopostal
I'd call it Sock Monkey Moments and play the coolest music ever.  Opening a bar would be cool... no matter who the clientele was.... but it'd rock if it was a Sock Monkey bar for only sock monkeys.

what smells like pork and has green all over?how can a color have taste?we can associate colors with tast,but colors dont have taste! cryons dont count.also jupiter has A ring.also those are just the planets in this solar system.if you wish to learn about more about some planets that are not in my solar system i refer you to Discover's galaxy guide issue(aug. or sept. 2000 i cant remember).by the way the answer to the 1st question is miss pigy in heat.bye--db"_"
Damn... I thought that the answer to one was my mother after many beers, piles of pork, spinach and some salted peanuts.  Anyways... the answers to the rest...
2.  Take many drugs or eat an orange.
3.  Again, eat an orange.
As for the rest, sometimes rings go loopty loop... and sometimes they just spin around.  According to my manual... it says "Earth: Mostly Harmless"tm.

who famous has ever worn dentures?
Well, I would have to pass on this one as I have no idea.  Somehow I was absent the day they taught this in school.  However, if you get your hands on a list, and any of them are cute and willing to do deeds minus the teeth... let me know.

Have you ever tasted purple? ~P.N.
Yes, and quite frankly, I didn't care for it at all.

why didn't you answer my question about going crazy from isolation, and only cleaning up for my girlfriend?
I didn't get that question.  Going crazy from isolation is kinda fun... and it's your job to clean up after her unless of course she makes you clean up her dirty pads too.

I can't stop masterbating with the neighbor's cat. It wouldn't be a problem except for the hair and scratch marks. They scare my girlfriend.
I'm a bit worried about the cat more then your girlfriend... poor cat!  Just start having your girlfriend treat you rough in bed and you won't need the cat anymore.

I asked if you would have sex with me and you answered that only if I paid you and only if you could use various foods. What kind of food woould you use?
strawberries, honey, pickles and peanut butter.  So where's my money?

My spanish teacher bitches all the time. Is homicide justifiable for irritable school students?
Not yet, but give it a few years.  Just don't go to class... that will show her.

Do sock monkeys have hair inside their ass, what color is it?
They have fluff inside their ass, and normally it's white.

I keep hearing voices in my head telling me to do odd things like swallowing sponges with liquid detergent and making sweet love to my eighth month old brother, not to mention raping my cat up the ass. So my question is should I use a condom?
Leave the cat alone.  What you need is a doll of some sort, as dolls can not have you arrested.  Go ahead and swallow the sponges though... the green ones are the best.

what do you think is the best way to die
in my sleep without pain.

What would you do if you knew there was only one hour until the Earth exploded? And then what would you do afterwards if you found out it was just a false alarm?
I would listen to all my Faith No More songs that I can... phone the people I love and say goodbye, smoke whatever drugs I could find, hug my cat and wait.  If nothing happened... I'd be high for awhile, come down and then get back to work.

My bird died what should I do with it's body. I was contemplating consuming it but it kinda turning green and smells like decomposing jello.
Hmm... you waited too long so you can't eat it... so you'll have to grind it up and put it in fruitcake.  Give it to a hated relative.

My ass is growing green and purple hair about a foot long and it smells like cooked bologna. it is kinda hard to take a shit and all the ferrets are chasing me around. What should I do?
Slice off the hair and sell it to McDonalds.  They'll put anything in their products... as for the ferrets, capture them, train them to do tricks and take the act on the road.

How can I keep my sock monkey from attacking my neigbor's dog's asshole with a spoon?
Well, once they've done it a few times, there is no way to stop it. You will have to move away with your sock monkey to where there are no dogs.

I can't stop drooling on my grandmother. The wierd thing is, I think she likes it.
This isn't a question... but good for you and your grandma.

Are you a homosexual
To the best of my knowledge, no.  But this could all just be a dream and when I wake up for real, maybe I am.

How many sock monkeys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
About four trillion.  They're not that organized and have short attention spans.

i demand to know why up is so uplike when infact down would seem so much more infact.......well like up........
I tried to understand by smashing my head against the wall, and after a short nap on the floor things still didn't make sense.  I figured a drink would due me good, but due to my alcohol allergy, it wasn't all that good.  After the stomach pump and the recovery days, I again attempted to fathom the greatness of your question.  I spoke with the mice and the dolphins, but they were of no help.  So my answer has to be, up and down are relative, and in reality neither really exists at all, but only appears to.

do sock monkies have tight arses? it's just that i'd like somewhere to store my biros!
yes they do, but i wouldn't suggest storing anything there.  Monkeys can't store things very long in their asses due to the fact that they usually pull whatever's up there out within an hour and eat it.

Iwas having homosexual sex with my partner and he put a mouse up my asshole and now it won't come out and it keeps biting me in there. What should I do? I've tried to shit it out,but it's still in there and it still keeps biting.
Many others would tell you to kill it and pull it out, but I say that you lure it out with cheese.  Put a big hunk of blue cheese on the table, pull down your pants, turn around and have your bare ass facing the cheese.   Pull your cheeks apart and wait for the mouse to come out.

Because you are stupid.

That monkey ass turns me on. What should I do?
Go over to the monkey.  Strike up a conversation.  Pretend to like the same things it does.  Give it lots of liquor.  Offer to drive it home.  Seduce it in the car.  Drive monkey home.

what the hell is this?!
It's it.  Much debate has been held over what 'it' and 'this' refers to.  Many assumed it was sex, but yet others thought it was a reference to some type of drug.  Needless to say, the debate still continues, and the parties involved aren't releasing any insight as to what 'it' and 'this' is.

i love my girlfriend very much. what should i do?
I refuse to answer.  This is a STUPID question... not an insane one.

DC,your music doesn't seem to be music, it sounds like a bunch of unorganized sounds. hell, whatever's "insane" sounding, right?
yes.  the Acid DC part is the REAL music.  insane sounds... imagine.

what's that over there?
a gumball tree.

what the hell is wrong with lars ulrich?
I have wondered that many times myself.  I am not sure, but I'm sure it involves a childhood where he had to compete for affection.  He seems to find a split second in a conversation to interrupt, then dominate by spewing off about whatever his cause is that year.  I think he has gills, as he never seems to take a breath while talking, yet can talk for hours without pausing.

do you think punk is dead (not the music, the ethics)?
Well, I'm not the best one to ask, so I called in our resident "Punk & Digital Hardcore" expert Schizoid... here is his answer....
"Is the punk ethic still alive?  It's all around!  Whether you choose to acknowledge it, or get involved is a different story - In mass/mainstream, or in individual fringe cases here in there across the world, the "punk ethic" will always live on...  Kids will always be trying to organize cool hardcore/indie shows in their shitty white trash towns, making web pages for the bands they like, releasing demos/7"s/etc to their friends and the world, making political/strange opinion zines, sharing ideas that counter the status quo, doing things in 'true DIY fashion' - With the advent of the internet, there is an even better opportunity for the goals and benefits of "punk ethics" to be realized by communicating and consolidating ideas across the web, helping to network and organize punk thoughts and information - as well, the ethos behind the recent upsurge in anti-globalization movements (ie. Seattle '99/anti-WTO movements), -definitely- calls upon many aspects of the overall punk scene's idealogies and concerns (resistance of authority/establishment/control) - the ethics of punk are definitely still alive as a whole, the real question is "Will you personally in your own mind, let punk ethics die?" - Schizoid... (Generation Fuck You & Schizoid.org)

i'm a poser. what should i do?
think for yourself... i know it's hard, and you're not brought up to do that... but give it a try.

i hang out in this little group of about 4 people, but lately, there's been 2 very annoying people who've ingratiated their way into it. we all want them gone, but, as they are nice, but very stupid and bothersome, it would be too cruel to be mean to them. what should we do?
Just don't call them, if they continue to hang around you, fake death until they feel uncomfortable and leave.  If that doesn't work, try signing them up for a student exchange program.

damn, white zombie rocked.
indeed they did.

is this a dumb/retarded question,and will it be deleted or are you going to post this on your sight to show everybodywhat an idot i am?...gopostal
of course... I show all questions as long as they are in english, and make SOME sort of sense.

i read a couple questions.dont you think that the quality of the questions keep getting lower and lower?--db"_"
sadly,  yes they do.  I yearn for the days of quality insane questions... 

correction:it was the march issue.sorry bout that.oh and theres a thoery that earth once had rings as well. anyways,are you using the missisng quotes(you know the ones im talking about)for the insane quote or are you just makeing them up? also how bout having a quoet of the week or something like that and have and have the unfortunite people who come to this site submit a quote you pick one for the week and if theres no worthy quote for the week make one up?thank you for your time--demonboy"_"
Good idea... we may do that in the future.  We're looking to update the look (again), and put some of the info into database driven pages.  Hopefully the quotes can be automated and rotate like how you suggested.  The quotes I am currently using are ones I'm making up... I would put credits for those that are from others if I used them.

San here, after a long period of continual self loathing! Well, I thought my life became a little better than shitty, but it came crashing down again. So now I sit in my closet drinking ethyl alcohol and looking at porn. What am I supposed to do? I don't love her, no I don't.
it's time to masturbate... you've got your hustler and you don't need nothing else...  and that's about it.  Get over it and live your life until you die.  Also, scrape together a few bucks and get some real alcohol.

Why is my mother not my father??
well, she could be with a few operations!  Then your dad can turn into your mom with an operation too!

what's the adress of this site?
I'm not sure... i wrote it down but seem to have lost it.

why do women havew to be suck fucking bitxhes......is there a way i can kill my girlfriend and not get put away for it....please help.. JIm
How do we know that YOU'RE not the problem?  Anyways... however you kill her, eat the body.  Eat all the flesh, then grind up the bones and drink them down too.  Let us know how it tastes.  For more rants about women... check out the Chicks Suck page under Stuff That Sucks.

did the dolphins ever come back?
To the best of my knowledge, no they never came back.  I don't blame them though... and it was nice that they formed the "Save The Humans" group.  They are very thoughtful.

if the mice were so smart, why didn't they see it coming?
because life likes to kick you in the teeth every once in awhile... just to remind you that you're not really in charge.

what should I do if I find that I am dead
go out and enjoy life, the universe and everything.  Don't forget to bring your towel.

ha ha ha! that's really funny!
good question... and I'm not sure I agree.  Doesn't it seem a bit odd that we're trained from little on to buy certain things, to do the 'right' things when in fact no one is really having any fun at all?  How can life be only to trudge through it thinking 'someday I'll enjoy it...' when in fact that day is guaranteed not to come as long as you think about it instead of doing something about it.  Why wait to get old to enjoy life?  Damn fools, the lot of you.

frankly, all new music "is like a bad laxative, it just doesn't move me"(credits to jello biafra for the quote). hardly any new bands or music really fucking MOVE me. they don't stir my soul, throw my body around, etc. even the bands i've long held dear have sold out, or i just don't like the new records. i feel like an old man criticising the current generation's music. shit, amn, i'm only 18. am i starting the old-man cycle early?
No, you are exactly on schedule.  You will notice that from now on, all new music sucks ass (unless Faith No More freezes hell by getting back together and releasing an album) and that everyone is copying everyone else who was original.  Get used to having people look at you all blank eyed when you tell them what music you listen to, and don't bother getting bitter with the endless parade of puppet-singers and pathetic boy or girl bands.  Get a sock monkey, he'll understand.

What is the number one stolen thing?
well it'd be one of these.... time, kisses or looks.  Time-burglars are the worst.

Dear DC,  I have friends who hate some of my other friends. I have friends who do drugs. I have friends who don't don't do drugs. I have friends who drink. I have friends who drink alot. I have friends who don't drink at all. I have friends who are dirty little bastards. I have a friend who is a virgin. I have friends who I've know since 1978. I have friends who I met last week. I have some ugly friends. I have some super sexy friends. I have married friends. I have friends who are single. I have friends who love to give head. I have friends who don't give head at all. I have friends who piss me off. I have friends who never piss me off.    Which one should I give anal sex to first???    Master J    fert
Well, I would do the ones who do drugs first.  No reason, I just would.   Then I would do the one who is a virgin, and afterwards never speak to them again, as they obviously need to be traumatized to fit in properly with society.   I would leave the ones who drink, as they are moody and may not be all that fun to have anal sex with.  The ones who don't drink at all, you should buy gifts for, but no anal sex.  I would also do the friends that piss you off, then never speak to them again.  And shouldn't that be fert fert instead of just fert?

I'm like a hardcore Punk, it pretty much comes with the attitude of not caring. But I do care about my futre and stuff, the thing is even though i try i still can't seem to do good in school or any thing, and also my ex-chick has been playing mind games, leading to the same problem, lack of concentration, suggestions? M_TEE_6
Ignore the chick, and realize that high school is a waste of time.  Learn a skill, get a job and learn computers.  High school isn't the future, it's a way to get you out of the house and teach you to hate others.  If all else fails, hack into a large corporations computer system and they'll hire you.

I'm really pissed off because my so called 'friend' and his friends smoked all of my beloved expensive kind bud behind my back! what should I do? How could I possibly torrment them?
Well, hide it from now on.  And NEVER share with them.  Then find all theirs and smoke it in front of them.  Then send them home.  Afterwards, tell their dealer that your 'friend' has dissed them, their product and their mate.  If the dealer is male, be sure to mention 'small penis' or 'cock sucking faggot'.  Be sure to leave your friends address with the dealer.

My boyfriend broke up with me to go out with this bitch and I'm feeling upset and very evil. what should I do?
Have a nice bubble bath.  Be sure to get some candles and soak for hours.  When done, empty the tub, dry yourself off and get it through your head that it's not worth doing anything.  Relationships occur, then dissolve.  If it's really bothering you that much, then make a voodoo doll of him and learn the art of voodoo.  It's quite rewarding.

Why are we here?
To read my answers to questions.  Doesn't anyone read and comprehend anymore?

why is it that no matter how long holidays are, students always leave the work / revision 'til the last couple of days and the kick themselves when they have saty up 'til 3 in the morning the night before school?
Because students are dumb.  People are dumb.  These are the people who will end up saying "would you like fries with that?".

What is a good question?
Any sort of question that results in my having to think, or money being sent to me for free.

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Because if it didn't, then why would super markets even put it in a refrigerated case, and if they didn't do that... where would all the butter go?  Sometimes the frozen section is lonely, but damn it... that's the life it chose.

why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
It does, it just doesn't harden in there.

ONIONS ARE OBVIOUSLY EVIL! Why can't anyone see this?? They are the only vegetable which makes you cry (which is their poison gas entering your brain) and they grow underground to avoid sunlight! They are responsible for such abominations like pokemon, and infomercials on Saturday Morning instead of cartoons! What are we going to do about these awefull, evil, vile, carnivorous beings??!!??
I didn't realize the threat they were until now.  Let's put on space suits, hunt them down, and burn them all.  We'll salt the earth so they may never grow again, and kill anyone who currently knows how to grown them.  That should work.

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