You live in a one-story house. Everything is purple. What color are the stairs?
well once you decide to add a second story, i'm sure that you would install purple stairs.

ok, so why are your eyes buttons and your sock monkey chick's eyes umm real? i often thought about that human milk thing too, it is possible, but i bet it would be some nasty cheese one last thing... if ethiopians are starving, and desperate for food, then why don't they just eat eachother??? they could pick off the sick and elderly, or even the plump babies!!! then when they are strong again they could migrate to another country where food is plentiful, does this make any sense to you?
well, i have my mothers eyes.  it makes some sense... but it wouldn't work.  the problem is the population... there are too many on this planet... we need to prune.

Hi! just ran into your website. I don't know if this is a stupid question or just inapropriate. Oh well, whatever. Anyway my friend told me about this chick having sex with a dog. Does that ever happen in real life that you know of?(my friend doesn't coun't) I don't mean just porno stuff you can find on the net.
well, i do not personally know of anyone that does this... but yes i have seen pictures on the net (thanks to friends who forward this sick shit to me)... so i'm thinking that somewhere someone does do this for real.

why cant we send all the dumb people into space and keep the insane ones here and why cant everybody help fight the damn system?
the stupid ones should be send up to terraform the planets for us smart people... then we kill them off and populate the solar system.  also, most people don't fight the system because they are part of the problem.

any ways to stop premature ejaculation that really work or are u just stuck with it
uh... i'm not a sex doctor... maybe dr. ruth can help you... or talking sex with sue...

If you believe that everything you say is right, and everyone else is wrong, what happens when someone agrees with you? Do you automaticly become wrong, or do you just kill them to keep yourself as the only one whos right? -DS
i believe that everything i say is right may appear right to me at that point in time... but if i am proven wrong... then i update my thoughts.  i'm not shown to be wrong all too often... only a few times a day.

Sick meand the same thing as gross right? So instead of saying sickening i say Grossening would people think im crazy? Because im NOT CRAZY! But the first sign of craziness is denial. I NEED MY MEDS! And why do the chinese put cats in their food?? If they are such smart immigrants, why dont they know that cats will one day take over the world and eat THEM?!!!
i don't know if grossing is a word... not all chinese put cats in their food... some use dogs.  They don't know because, like most people, they just don't care, or are in deep denial.  the cats will set them straight though... but they wouldn't eat them because they demand the highest quality food.

im 15 and my dick is 4inchs is this small
i'm not sure... is it 4" when its hard?  if so... maybe you're just a late bloomer.

Why's everybody always picking on me?
cuz you're stupid and weird looking.

What do u think about Mullets, are ya rolling 10-90 life or not?
huh?  what the hell is this about?

the atom is considered the smallest thing in the known universe so what is an atom made of? and wouldnt that be the smallest thing in the known universe? -thanks, Dean
its made of sub-atoms... and i think that the iqs of most world leaders are technically the smallest things in the known universe.

Why do belly buttons stink?
i think there are hidden sweat glands in there...

What is four-play?
when four people get together and play cards for an evening.

what makes your nipples go hard, why are they the only part that goes hard (besides your penis)
i don't have a penis..i have a tail... and it's always hard... but that's because there is a wire in there.  nipples get hard because they want to be touched... go on... touch your nipples.. you like it don't you.... oh yea... yea...

If i wanted to send u a sock munky i made (she looks like a hooker!) wear would i send it?
you would send it to a PO box i would have to set up so you wouldn't get my real address and steal my monkeys or touch my tail.

why is the grass green?
because blue would look bad next to all the houses... that and something about chlorophyll.

Do you know of any ways to make a sex toy from house hold item's? If so, let me know
uh... are you male or female?  if you're female... then find bananas or something... and if you're male... warm up a pie and go at it

I keep walking into lampposts. Is there a softer alternative?
try wrapping all the poles up with pillows... they should be softer after that.

Did you know that ear-lobes and nipples contain erectile tissue like the penis?
ears?  hmmm.... but no i didn't know that... now i do... and i must go play with my ears now

why do some people use a napkin after every bite out of BBQ ribs you're just going to put them back on the ribs why not wait until your done eating its so much easier isnt it?
because humans are vain little creatures who insist on maintaining this illusion of perfection.  
or it could be that people just don't like bbq shit on their faces.

what do u think santa does on his 300 or more days off?
he abuses the poor elves, forcing them to make toys.  elves should be free to frolic in the forest mists, and santa should be put in jail for his crimes against their race.

if u breed your sock monkey with a real monkey is the baby a monkey or a sock?
it's a sock monkey... but with more monkey tendencies and features.

in a battle between al gore and a wooden puppet who would win?
i would have to go with the wooden puppet.

how much time do you have on your hands?
i don't carry time on my hands... but other then that, not a whole lot recently.  i have a new job.

have you ever tried electric sex?
can't say i have... maybe i will and maybe i'll post pictures

how would you respond to "I told you so." in a smart ass way?
usually a bitch slap to the face stops the whole thing.

Do you know where I can buy a short Phillipino to be my wife?
uh... i'm not sure... 

do u know the lyrics to the baby balooga song if u do send it to datdamngood_05@hotmail.com i got a friend who sings it and i wanna show up wit da lyrics i
no i don't... and if you're above the age of 12... then you need some serious help and you should avoid this friend at all costs.  people like this will fill your life with nonsense about bobo and binky... and before long you're stealing flags and leaving ransom notes.

what was the mailing adress for the insane domain mailing list?i forgot you rejected egroups for their evil dealings with yahoo.db"_"
it's gone for now... but we're working on it... i'll email everyone who was on the original list when its back up

whats the craziest question uve ever gotten
i'm not sure... i would have to say that the best usually have the good question award... but i don't have one favorite.

Is Darth Vader really my father - from "confused Tatooine"
no.  he is a fictional character, and since you are not a fictional character, he is not your father.  these are not the droids you are looking for.

Does she walk? Does she talk? Does she come complete?
yes, no, mostly, but you need to buy accessories.

Gorillas have a two-inch erection. Are you similarly afflicted?
no i'm not.  and if you take the time to read all the questions... you'll see that i have never claimed to be male or female... just a sock monkey.  so perhaps i do not even have a penis... just a tail.

What does "Mind your p's and q's" mean?
hmmmm.... i have the answer to that somewhere... ask me again in a day or two and i'll find the answer.

why doesnt anyone do cocaine anymore, will there ever be a comeback? Like pot
pot is not a chemically based drug.  cocaine is.  i for one hope cocaine never comes back, but have no issues with pot.

I'm always horny and my boyfriend doesn't want to have sexshold i just become a nun!! help!! Friend in need!!Terry
nuns are not the way... just get a new boyfriend.

It was asked before I think, not by anyone here though; it would be too far reaching for Sally or the like. (I was browsing the questions...yikes) who asked the first question....ever?
i'm not exactly sure who it was... i'm pretty sure it was just a random person who didn't even use their own email, because at the time it was emailed to me, as there was no section for questions.  i'm not sure if sally still comes here, but there are a few who still do... such as demonboy... and empriss nikon... both have changed their sigs though.  there may be more regulars, but they don't always leave their names... so how would i know?!

My arse itches, do you have any idea why?
you are sitting on a colony of fire ants.  try sitting somewhere else.

How can i stop eating chocolates
don't buy them.... rid your place of them, and tell everyone you're allergic to it.  if all else fails, fill your tub with warm chocolate fudge and enjoy the calories.

where are your genitals?
i put them away and forgot where i put them.  if you see them, let me know.  in the meantime, i just rub my tail on people.

If you choke a smerf, what color does it turn?
it slowly turns purple... then pink.

this question invole the issue of racism. does it not seem that people who have hate crimes committed against them and ignore them find more success than people who accept the hate crimes and use racism in the world as an excuse. does this then lead to more racism because those who are accept that they are differnt because of race actually use it as an excuse. its a problem of today, not the past because in the past it was just wrong, but im addressing today. does this make sense
nothing in this world makes sense.  basically, everyone just needs to forget the whole thing and start concentrating on getting our sorry asses off the planet.  you see, if we don't leave the planet, the odds increase that we'll be wiped out completely.  by populating the stars, we extend our species life immensely.  so the longer we sit here and quibble over stupid things, let crooked politics run the countries, and let thousands die without purpose... the shorter our species lifespan will be.  so screw personal success, how about some good old-fashion species success?

were the guys in poison idea always so big, or is it the result of all the alcohol and fast food?
the alcohol and fast food... with a dash of hairspray.

i eat my ass out. what should i do?
wash it down with piss

i was supposed to a go to a great party in dallas this weekend, but my car screwed up. how can i get there with no car and a day late?
board a time traveling plane.

dc is a bitch. what should he do?
drink more coffee

ass! Ass! ASS! ass of fire! i can't stop saying that. i've been saying it for months. help me!
you have to say "it's not funny! my ass is on fire!"... that should fix everything.

If it is true that Sock Monkies have no genitals, how were you concieved? Were you delivered by a Sock Stork?
i was hatched from a dryer.  little sock monkeys are where all the missing socks go.

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
if you paid me enough... sure

Sprechen sie deutsch?
no

When's your birthday? What's your middle name? Who's your hero? What's your favourite flavour ice-cream? Are you Aeries? Are you on the cusp of Cancer? What? No, it's not a quiz.
7/11/77, fluff, uh... i don't really have one, strawberry, no i'm a cancer, uh... no idea.

do they sell elfs on the black market?
i sure hope not.

am I a freak....or just a confused carnie
a little from column A.... a little from column B

is there a AA for like Freaks...like a FA.....love...hello me name is Monkey (hi monkey!!!!) and im a sock toy
well freaks aren't anonymous.  usually they stand out in a crowd... but there are meetings for freakaholics.

my friend andrew lost his wallet....have u seen it? if not...will u help us look?
it's under his dresser or his bed... he kicked it there without thinking the other day when it feel from the jeans on his bed.  i demand the twenty still in it to as payment.

gibba gibba gibba gibba gibberrish......what does "no mo' jibba jabba" mean?
it means no more jibba jibba.

When commercials say that a new dog food is better tasting, who tastes it?
doggie dog food testers.

Why are more people switching to Geico?
cuz of their cute little tails...

Who is to blame for Apollo 13?
that man who burnt the rice two weeks before the shuttle took off.

Should somebody be made to pay almost half of what he/she just won from the lottery to the IRS?
no they shouldn't.  and speaking of people paying money... all car companies should pay a percentage of the road costs.

Why are you wearing curly elv shoes?
cuz elves shoes are the best.

Who is Anna? Why does she feature on your music? Is she single? Is she as sad and desperate as I am?
anna is my cat... she meows for me... and yes she is single, but seems to be pretty content with her life.

wot r carbohydrates
those nasty nano-viruses that help the government to track you.

What angle does a banana have?
depends on what you're using it for...

If I swung a sock monkey around my head and threw it; how far away would it land?
well, it would land about THIS far away.  unless you throw really badly though...

I'm a guy, I'm 6' 3" and completely straight. Is it okay to shave my legs?
yes it is... in fact, it is ok for anyone to shave their legs.

Do sock monkeys inbreed? That is, if they breed in conventional ways. Would they if they did?
they do... and you need to see the pictures section for pictures of this very thing happening.

Why is it that vaccuum cleaners suck?
because if they blew, that would make them suck

Are arse monkies real or did I just make them up?
they are both real and imaginary... either way, feed them lots of mustard

What do you think about the British Royal family?
i try not to... bunch of useless crap anyways... 

Should I bother?
not today

I think I was a cat in a past life, will the cats be lenient with me?
not unless you can prove it... and they don't have much faith in regression.

Can there really only be one?
on most days, no.

So if I type gibberish here you won't answer it?
exactly... how intelligent of you to take a rule and turn it into a question!

Is it a good idea to squeeze spots? How about other people's?
other peoples spots are much better for you squeeze, cuz if they get cancer or something from it... well you're not the one who has to suffer in the hospital.

Have you ever heard of mind of matter? If our minds had control over matter than wouldn't that mean that matter was only in our minds? Then if matter isn't real, than we don't have matter and therefore aren't real. If this is the case, then wouln't we not have matter to compose brains? and if our brains aren't real then how do we think? Please explain.
well, i'll let you in on a little secret, you don't actually exist at all, as i am just sitting here typing to myself, pretending that this question was asked by someone besides myself.  this site doesn't even exist, it's just the way my mind chooses to display things to me.  so instead of explaining things to myself... i'm going to move onto another self-inflicted question.

Didn't you know that we peoples have about another 3 billion years before the sun kills us all off?
that's only if we don't do it ourselves before then... which of course we will.

As a Sock Monkey, do you pledge allegiance to any nationality? 
Do you have passport that claims you are of a certain nationality?
well, the whole time i've been on this planet, i have lived in canada.   my current passport for earth states my residency as canada. i chose canada because it seemed to be the nicest... and it is quite nice.

My friend keeps phoning me because he has no other friends? He's an obnoxious fool. How can I get him other friends? Can you also explain why he is MY friend?
he is your friend because you claim that he is... and if you want to get rid of him, instead of going through the cost and trouble of finding new friends for him, just block his number, and ignore him.  if that doesn't work, get some cow carcasses and throw them at his house.

Have you ever poked a badger with a spoon?
yea... once!  it jumped up, bitch slapped me and took off.  not to be outwitted by a bitch-slappin badger, i got on my bike and chased it.  over hills, through parks and a few intersections we went... until i finally hit him with my bike. 

Why?
why ask why?  why not? why wicker? why question? why not?

Did the person that dealt it smelt it? 
Or was it the person who said the rhyme the one who commited the crime?
well, this is a case that is still being debated in households everywhere.  this is a global problem, with no sure answers in sight.

Were you bullied at school?
once... maybe twice.  usually i was too strange for others to run the risk of getting near me and having me snap.

Why why I send a question, do you keep calling me a freak? Don't act like you know me!
what's that freak?  oh... yea, you're soother is over there... just dip it in some peanut butter.

If cats are aiming to take over the world, will they use mobile phones?
they will force you humans to do their bidding, and all of you will be hooked up much like the borg.  in fact, that is where the cats got the idea.  instead of weapons etc on all of us, many of us will have back scratchers, food dispensers, fluffy pillows and catnip treats reserves.

Why does it always rain on me?
that's not rain... and what do you expect when you hang out under outhouses.

Is it because I lied why I was seventeen?
i think the problem has more to do with the perception that orange is a relaxing color.  i personally find it offensive and quite angry.  the fact that it has a fruit named the same as itself is disturbing.  you actually EAT the color orange.  how can anyone trust the whole color wheel now? 

Surely, my time will come?
i hate to say it, but you're parents lied to you about the whole thing.  

When will I be famous?
in your next life... but sort of in an infamous way... you'll be the virus that takes out a large portion of the population on the planet Zryck 2318.

Do you know the way to San Jose?
go just a bit further, take a left, past the fridge, left again, a quick right... and follow the signs.

Did I just say that out loud?
say what?

Are mullets the worst thing a man can do?
the worst thing a man can do is ignore the truth... but that goes for women too.  truth is a diminishing item... think of it... we expect everyone to lie to us.  the next worst thing is wrapping duct tape around his dick without shaving first, binding it up real tight, then ripping it all off, rolling around in lemon juice.

Why does a Sock Monkey have a cat? Or is it that the cat owns a Sock Monkey?
we are roommates... i just call her my cat so those fascists don't take her away before she completes her mission.

My severed foreskin knocks on my window every second night...should I lend him my latest New Scientist edition or give him the money like he says?
give it the monkey, but bargain for some potato chips and shoe polish first.  if it still comes back, give it your collection of pee-wee videos... you can always buy more.

What kind of Music do you like?
lots...  

Can you ask more than one question per post?
 
yes, most people ask two or three... and yet it never seems to really count as even one good one. 

If you do do you get in trouble?
no, but if you really want me to spank you with my tail, i will.

Are you going to hurt yourself?
 
i'm the last one on my list of people to hurt.  

Areyou going to post this?  
i'm not sure... i sometimes have wonky vision. 

Why/ why not?  
exactly.  it's like having someone dance with cheese on your grave. 

was that last question stupid?  
not only the last one... 

is this annoying yet? 
not all that much  

how about now?  
can't say the annoyance has increased any since you last asked 

When someone has you pity do you ask for it back? 
only if i think it's worth something at the time.

I have some questions about traffic jams and as no one else would answer. I'd thought I'd ask you. 
Why is it that when you are late you always get caught in a traffic jam. 
when you're late, that is the only time you care about getting somewhere quicker then possible.  everything at that point becomes a delay, and your own nerves work against you.

What exactly causes road rage . 
stupid drivers doing dumb-ass things... all those people should be KILLED

What games do people play to pass the time in a traffic jam, 
I play 'lets see how insane i can act before someone notices'.  usually it takes a few minutes of me dancing in my seat, trying to escape my seatbelt, putting down my window and blasting show tunes etc.

how come my car always stops next to the car with the driver who is picking his nose and 
because everyone assumes that no one else is looking at them because they're not looking at you.  get a digital camera and start getting pictures of these people.

why when I finally get into the faster lane , it stops and the other lane I was just in starts to move. Is it just sods law or am I cursed. 
well, it's not getting faster... it just looks like that.  What it is is shuffling of cars.  you see, many impatient people think that if they spend time weaving in and out of the lanes, that miraculously they'll get ahead of everyone.  but you see, when they leave a space, the people that were behind them move up.  and since there is now another car in the 'fast' lane, it must slow down to include your car.  so the lane you left appears to be moving, but if you keep a close watch on a few cars, you'll notice that half the time you don't really end up moving at all.  the other problem may be that you are driving in montreal, anywhere in quebec, or in naples florida.

Help me please. If I find the answers to just a few of my questions, at least it can help me understand why I spend half my life staring at the car in front in a queue that is never ending.
the way to escape is to get rid of your car.  the stupid are being given licenses for free without testing, so it's better to just stay the hell away from the whole thing.  i know a 93 year old man who doesn't think blind spots exist, can't remember what all those red lights are for and yet every year his license is renewed.

Is it okay to fall in love with someone you've never met? I cybersex really sex?
no and no.  if you think you've fallen in love but you've never met them, then you are just being stupid.  if you meet them after months and maybe even years of virtual contact,  then continue to see them mostly offline, then perhaps you can fall in love for real.  cybersex is not really sex, so if a mate has cybersex online, but doesn't reveal any real information about themselves, and doesn't enter into a relationship with them online (stupid people do this), then it doesn't count as cheating either.  i do know people that have met online, became friends in real life offline, then eventually married.  they are still married now.

What is it about men and breasts?
all men want what they don't have.  fat men don't seem to care about breasts because they have their own and realize they're not all that amusing.

Gay or Eurotrash?
i'm going to go with eurotrash, but only for today

What's the weather like where you are?
we have four seasons, so i only have to put up with snow for a few months.  we used to get way more snow, but that has been rapidly changing.  summers are becoming hotter and drier too.  it's time to move to ottawa!  right now it is sunny but a bit chilly.

Can you dance?
no, i don't even try anymore

Bananas or fluffballs?
fluffballs because they won't rot on the counter into black heaps of fuzzy slimy stuff.

`why did my mom give my lucky cookie to the dog? billy the japan cookie may you rest in peace
because your luck has changed.  it's time to find a new talisman to ward off all the evil directed at you by your enemies.

I was walking down the street....now I can't see, what s wrong?
i think that the fact you can't see is the problem.  you might want to work on that

Would you agree that 7 is a bigger number than 2?
they both look about the same size... but that is more for those mathematicians to worry about.

Are you a lumberjack? Are you okay?
nope, and sometimes... only when the potato people leave my socks alone though.

Does my bum look big in this?
uh... it's looks fine.  i said FINE... i just answered you!  i am so paying attention... no, that one is fine... what is wrong with the word fine?  why are you crying?  what did i do now?  damnit... you asked!  fine... you have a huge fat ass and i have nightmares about it.

Are you dangerous?
depends on who you are and what my mood is.  what if you were told that i, sanimal, jcp and them all are just one person... would i seem dangerous then?  maybe i should kill them all off and eat their hearts, thereby absorbing all their insane power.

Do Sock Monkies suffer rabies and other nasty diseases?
they do not suffer from rabies, but they do experience a de-fluffing over time.

whats a sock monkey? aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
come to bands everyone!!!
uh... ok...

what does the word "that" actually mean??
it means 'that thing that is that."  if you think about it... what does ANY of it mean???

i have some questions that need answers: 1. why are people so patriotic and can't see the bad that our right-wing government does. 2. why did mr. T sell out to that 1 800 thing? and finally, 3. why do people who believe in god not see how cruel this "god" is, and why do people believe in something that they can't possibly know? that was four, sorry if i threw you off with that finally.
1. people are stupid and enjoy being lied to
2.  i'm not sure why... i mean only washed up losers do those commercials now...
3.  somehow it makes them feel better... and many people use it as a way to be incredibly horrible to each other. they sure missed the fucking point of the damn book they believe in didn't they 
4.  faith is like that.  also, it makes some feel better about the fact that our lives are so short that they get lost up in time... and at some point our existence is completely forgotten.  also, many believe that it's ok to be shitty to each other, because all they have to do to feel better is say i'm sorry on their death bed.  actions, not words people!

why are pennies bigger than dimes....but dimes are worth more?
well, i shouldn't be telling you this, but... pennies were just a joke.  the whole thing started off as a bad joke, and instead of just owning up to it, the whole thing was covered up. nickels, dimes and quarters are the only REAL coins... that's why the penny isn't silver and shiny like the others are.

how long does it take for ecstacy to get out of your system
uh... out of your system?  it doesn't quite leave... it finds a home somewhere in your body and comes back when you least expect it.

this is outlandish!that p's & q's question was oringnally asked by me way back! it got to the point to where i was obsessing about it so how dare someone else ask it again?any ways the best theory i've been able to come to, is way back to shakespearian time when there was a play craze.when an actor spoke out of turn the director would respond "mind you p's & q's!" in other words keep your mind on your prompts and ques.i hope this has helped.bub-bye.db"_" 
i say you hunt the lying question asker down and beat them up.  the truth of the matter according to....http://www.wordorigins.org/
Mind Your P's & Q's

The phrase dates to the late 18th century--at least 1779. The exact origin is unknown, but several competing hypotheses seem to be the most likely.
  • The first is that it derives from the phrase p and q which was an abbreviation for prime quality. This English dialectical term dates to the 17th century. So to mind your p's and q's would mean to be exacting in detail and ensure high quality.
  • The second is that it refers to difficulty children had in learning to distinguish between the letters p and q, being mirror images of one another. To learn one's p's and q's is a phrase meaning to learn one's letters is first recorded around 1830--somewhat later but not impossible as the origin. Often this explanation is identified with printers and distinguish between a p and a q in type, but the early use exclusively deals with children, not printing.
  • The third, first suggested by Farmer and Henley at the turn of the 20th century, is that the phrase comes from the practice of maintaining a tally in pubs and taverns. Marks under column p, for pint, or q, for quart, would be made on a blackboard. To mind them would be to watch to ensure that the bartender did not misattribute someone else's drinks to your tab or to mark a pint as a quart.
  • The last is from the world of printing. Typesetters had to be skilled in reading letters backward, as the blocks of type would have mirror images of the letters. The lower-case letters p and q were particularly difficult to distinguish because they are mirrors of one another. Typesetters had to be particularly careful not to confuse the two.

what is a way by yourself other than masterbating to get sexual pleasure i am a man ps this is just a dare)
yea sure it's a dare... is that your excuse for your lame haircut?  and you could view porn online, watch porn vids, or hire hookers to dance for you, or just go to the strippers...  but let's face it, masterbating is the most fun.

Why does my cousin rape my cat and then make out with knicknacks? Oh yeah, and will he grow out of this stage?
your cousin has 'issues'.  i highly doubt he will grow out of it, so i suggest you move away, not inform your family where you are to prevent him finding out, and replace all your knickknacks.

Is knawing on the crouch of a Depends something to worry about. 
not unless you're having company over.  if you are, i would suggest having a bowl of them so everyone can have one.

What is your favoite color and would I look good wearing your carpet? 
black if you accept black to be named as a color... if not, then blood red.  perhaps you would look good in this carpet, but it is a horrible cream color.

Is there really a present time? If the past is the time before the present and the future is after the present time then when is the present time? Every second the passes becomes the past. 
i'll refer you to my friends issac asimov and stephen hawking to discuss this more thoroughly with you.  since issac is dead and stephen is in such demand... just grab a few of their books.  they can sum up the whole thing better then i can... my explanation is "exactly except when it interferes with that law i made up".  They'll just put that into 'layman's' terms.

From the moment we are born we are slowly dying right?
well... some of us aren't slowly dying... but yes we are all dying.

Is evil a conception of realities or a reality in its own respects?
evil is that crazy man with the purple hat who goes around muttering.
sometimes he takes the hat off, but never for long.

If someone is paid to be your friend then they aren't your friend are they? I mean they get paid for being a fake.
no they aren't your friend for real, but if you aren't aware of the payment, then to you they are your friend.  what do you need to worry about... your friends are paid quite well to be your friends, and they don't hate you too much.

why have you not brought my family honor!!!!!!!! Dc, my cricket....bring us honor...avenge my death!!
uh, isn't that why you got a dog?  dividers aren't all that fun anyway.

if u could sleep with any woman/man/munky who would it be?
hmmm... angelia jolie, mike patton, that cute sock monkey i saw yesterday with the nice tail.

why do we exactly have to waste time going to the loo??? wouldn't it be much easier if our waste evaporated from our bodies during sleep??
yes, but then our blankets would stink, and its easier for us to shit then do laundry.

Can you really absorb someone's insanity by killing the and eating their hearts? What if they're sane? Does that cancel out your own insanity? -DS
i'm not sure... you'd have to measure your insanity before eating their brain, and then again once you've consumed the brain.  i would think that just the act of eating human brains would up your insanity, but other then that i think that it would increase your insanity.

it seems u have the ansewer to everything...but where do YOU the great mighty god like Dc go for ansewers?
i go to my many books and cds and the answer will appear.  if it doesn't, i forget what i'm asking and get absorbed into the book or cd.

I fucked my eye with an eraser. Oh, yea, question? Oh, ok. Uh, which was the 'real' gay one, Bert or Ernie, they both seemed pretty queer for puppets.
hmm... i would think that it would be ernie.  he seemed more in touch with his feelings and who he was as a person.  bert was in denial.

Do female hampsters eat the babies after they have them
i'm going to go with the $50,000... i'm just not willing to risk it.

i don't i could make it thought high school and i have a really bad feeling about it 
uh... this isn't a question.  but if you can't make it through highschool, then damnit drop out.  highschool is a big dumb joke anyways if you're smart.  go start your own business, and give me a percentage for inspiring you to greatness.

how do you get a feces stain out of clothing?
listen, if i could pull buffalos out of my ass and turn a profit, i would.
but i can't, so can't we just move on with our lives?

pictures steal our souls, so why can't i get rid of mine? i have a very good camera, but i think they are avoidant of those who know their secrets. is it that obvious? would you like my soul????
ok, send it on over... i could always use an extra soul or two.

Why are drugs good for you but people say they arent?
some drugs are good for you... but nothing is good for you if you start living your whole life around it and forget everything else.  some people can handle the 'lesser' drugs in their lives, and they should be allowed to do so.  Those who can not function with these drugs, much like alcohol, should avoid them.  any of the chemically based drugs are just stupid... so just stick with your pot, enjoy it, read this site, have a snack and you'll be fine.

People call me you. I call me me. I call you you. You call yourself me. This is what's wrong with the world today.
this is not a question dumbass... and i don't call you, no one calls me and i sure don't call anyone.

Is it me, or are traffic cones trying to take over the world? I see them every day, lined up on the side of the road, and I am terrified they will try to jump in front of my car. What should I do?
now that you mention it... i have noticed more and more of them lately... i think you're right.  i say we run them all down so they can't take over.

How do you explain negative numbers with apples? If I have two apples, and I take away negative one apples, how many do I have? See!! Am I just crazy, is this worth killing everyone over, and what IS the capital of Assyria?
there is no such thing as negative numbers... it's just what they've brainwashed you into thinking.  i mean really... why do you need apples in the first place.  it's not worth killing over... yet.  i have no idea about assyria...

How come I never see sock monkeys in elevators? Do they have a fear of them? How do they get to the tops of buildings? Do they fly? Can you teach me how to fly? -DS
they do not like them due to elevator doors closing on their tails.  they will go on elevators only if others pick them up and hold them the whole time on the elevator.  so if you see one nearby, pick it up and help them out.  they only fly if you throw them out windows... and even then it's just for about a minute.  flying is simply the art of missing the ground.  there are detailed instructions on how to due this in one of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy books by douglas adams... but the whole series is quite spectacular so read the whole thing.

will you please give me a dollar?
not unless you give me ten.

if u go into a bowling alley, and ask the dude behind the counter if he has 14 pound balls, is that rude, the guy always beats me about the face and sticks my head in the "ball o' shine" when i ask...please help
he is just sensitive about his losing a testicle.  go to another alley.

whats the best way to cure sanity?
start doing the opposite of what your tv tells you to do and of course, come to this site daily.

my sock munky is hooked on crack rock, whatever shall i do?
unhook him/her carefully, fix whatever holes there might be and keep them away from the rock.

hi my name is sharon and i have a question otherwise i wouldnt be asking now would i?! anyways what is a good way to get rid of my mom so that i dont get in trouble shes just a big inconvienence in my life.. recently she had a tupperware party *of all damn things a tupperware party* and made me sit there and pass out the tupperware. i wanted to burn it. but no! i couldnt do THAT either! so should i put her in a box and ship her to egypt? *considering thats where carmen sandiego's hideout is mayb shell do something bad to my mom* or should i do something else?
well, you could get a job and move out... that seems to be the best way.  and tupperware is great... you can grow really funky mold in those things.  at least she wasn't having a sex toy party... imagine having to pass a greased up dildo to your mom's friends as your mom says "doesn't it feel real?"

PAK CHOOIE UNF- Dou You Have Stairs In Your House?
i do not have a house.  i do not have stairs.  my cat has a house.  her house has stairs.

what the fuck is this shit
This is not insane just stupid!

will u be my sock munky bride and bring my family great honor...we have cheese wiz if u come along for the ride
do i get a pretty dress and fancy boots?  and those boots better have bells on them damnit.

do sock munkys drive cars, i've never seen one behind the wheel? do they always fail their drives ed tests? can they move the wheel with their tails?
they have drivers... they can drive if they choose to, but most do not get licenses.  sock monkeys are easily distracted and like to fling themselves out open windows while driving, so they are not very safe. the turn indicator clicking terrifies most of them too.

did u piss in my prom dress, it's all stinky
i had wild sex on it with a blowup doll and some fish juice.

when is it time to taste what you to taste what u most fear? When can we go on a Holiday in Cambodia?
it is not time yet... and if you are paying, then right now.  

THESE WERE SUBMITTED THROUGH ISSUES (form to report website issues here on TID)
i actually have no issues(ok, some i lie).........i just am curious as to how old you guys are, and you have no place where your email is posted (why i ask?), so you're getting this question in the computer trouble section, and it's your own fault. that's it. bye.
we are all between the ages of 23 and 28.  we do not post our email due to spam.  if we post our email, there is software that can pick it up.  even if the software doesn't get us, stupid people with too much time decide to sign us up for shit... so we have to hide it.  we figure if someone wants to contact us, there are a few forms on this site to do so.  we have made sure the 'issues' section now points you here to ask me the almighty these sort of questions.

i cant remove the turnip from my ass, how do i get it out?
push hard while squatting... if that doesn't work, then get someone who likes turnips to eat it out of your ass.

why Iam so mad
you are mad, not so sad but kinda glad that mad wasn't bad.

do I HAVE power
you have the power to shut the hell up... go on and use that power.

how can I make my bestfriend do what ever I want
give them treats to encourage them to do your bidding.  when they do a good job, reward them and show happiness.

There was a question about Sally I'm Sally and I haven't been hear in ages (sorry), the other name I used was Ice Princess but you can call me Sally. Heres my question -DC can we have soft'n'fluffy munky sex. Please??Hows your mum?(I'm an Aussie sock monkey nice to meet ya hence the u in mum not an o in mom) I missed you DC can we cuddle together? Can you rub my tail?(I'll rub yours........)We have to get together soon because the estrogen we be flowing next week and ya know what that means bitch, bitch , bitch............... Love Ya DC Sally(aka Ice Princess)
hello again sally... i was wondering where you went... i'm also wondering where empriss nikon went.  i suppose we can have sock monkey sex, but i don't want it to be soft or fluffy.  cuddling is only ok if i'm asleep for it.  yes you can rub my tail, and i'll rub yours.  estrogen flowing... is it going south for the winter?

can u show me how to makea sock puppet, perferably one that can hold a sword?
put the sock on your hand, pick up a sword with the hand that has the sock on it. there you go!

r u canadian and r u a rocker
yes, and depends on the day

Why is it when people say one thing, they mean another. And why when you change things to please them, they prefer the original. And why, after you've totally compromised your ideas, do they like something completely different
all people suck, that's just the way it is.  so do what you like and if they don't like it, too bad for them.

Why do only songs i hate, get stuck in my head so that all I keep singing ALL DAY LONG is that bloody awful tune.
well you see, that is the curse of bad songs.  the worse they are, the more you remember them.  stupid humans... your brains FAIL you... oh... sorry about that.  yea, it sucks when that happens.

what is happiness. Is it the opposite of sadness. Why are there times when everything seems the same. Why can't I be happy all the time. If I was happy all the time and there was no sadness, then I couldn't be happy as there is nothing to compare it to when I wasn't happy. I think I'm going to cry now because at least when I finally stop, I can be happy again.
this isn't really a question... so i'd recommend you send me presents and money so i'm happy.

why do i lick my own ass?
because it tastes sooooooooooooo good

if i were me what would you do?
not too much... maybe send dc some money


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