Saying "adult community"

Cats that ignore you

Cows sleeping in your bed

Dogs with sharp teeth that bite your armpits

Inhaling bits of leaves and having them catch in your throat.

soggy underwear bunched up in your ass

lime green tshirts with the word "hooligan" on it.

junky vans driven by freaky drivers in suits

blankets with crumbs in them

broken chairs

dancing with bare feet on sawdust and wood chips

those messed up christian sitcoms where everyone smiles all the time

astro-turf

passing out and then falling down a flight of stairs

being promised something but then finding out it was just a way to talk you off the ledge

My ass on a rainy afternoon.

wrapping yourself in a blanket that your cat has pissed on.

waking up to the smell of cat piss

Drinking your tap water and dying after shitting out blood

licking someone's asshole after they've taken a bloody shit and still have bloody bits hanging off their ass hair

leaving pumpkin bits on the floor and stepping in them with your bare feet first thing in the morning.

kissing your cat on the nose and getting shit in your mouth because it just finished licking its ass.

rubbing your ass and finding out it is covered with ready to explode pimples

having to break off a friendship due to business matters

working so hard you forget your name and end up in a strangers bed

using a kazoo

National Boss Day

coffee that has been left in a mug for weeks and is now covered with mold so much that you can't even scrape it off

having someone else clean your fingernails

accidentally drinking sour milk and having to throw it up

rough patches of skin on your face

legwarmers on fat kids who think they're dancers

watching those fat kids dance at a recital

having to watch videos of family outings right after you made them

having a fax machine constantly phoning your house and screeching at you

trying to give yourself oral sex and getting lock jaw

the word 'adequate'

trampoline jumpers who have motion sickness

calendars who lie

being all in a huff

phoning rude people who scream at you

coat racks that fall over if you put your coat on it

the government telling you that they are looking out for you when they are actually lying and only pretending to care

watching two retarded people try to have sex

overflowing kitty litter and you are the one who has to clean it while the cat watches.

taking cantaloupe pieces and shoving them up your ass

someone hog tying you, stripping you down and putting their dirty thumb up your ass.

having to slice off your fingers because there is nothing else to eat

public spanking elderly people until their diapers explode

little forks

farting in your cubicle and it stinks so bad you have to vacate the area

shitting your pants at work during an important meeting and your pants get so soaked you get stuck to the chair

falling asleep during a meeting, having a wet dream and moaning your fellow employee's names along with 'spank me baby..."

having to piss so badly while on a long trip and you're on a really bumpy road

listening to a song entitled 'Suck A Cheetah's Dick'

having your internet connection go down when you are doing something important and
 then the ISP pretends that nothing is wrong and starts to blame you

having to pay for sex

having sex with someone who won't make you a sandwich before they leave

waking up to children outside your window

flames shooting at you from the depths of hell scorching your ass

having the ventilation system break down and start shooting out dead bugs at you

having to phone tech support for the phone company, an ISP, a computer software or an insurance company.

taking the biggest dump of your life and realizing there is no toilet paper and then seeing a sign that says "Toilet Out Of Order"

taking a big bite out of a muffin and finding someone's finger

anxiously awaiting for work to be over, then finding out your clock is broken and you've been there an hour too long.

having water dumped on your head every time you say the word "water"

being woken up by having your cat or dog pissing on your lap

having to watch the whole Olympics

having brittany spears ruining a whole episode of the simpsons

having kid rock ruining a whole episode of the simpsons

having to hear a christmas compilation of brittany spears, kid rock, mariah carey, jewel,
the kids who did mmmbop, whitney houston, vanilla ice, goo goo dolls, tragically hip and celine dion.

hearing mike patton say metallica is his favorite band

scooping out your ear wax and eating it with ice cream

finding the cameras the government uses to watch you

licking a popsicle and finding out it's really frozen saliva

finding out that someone has been taking pictures of you while you sleep and are selling these pictures online

being invited somewhere only to find out that you are to participate in various murders and twisted games

having paint applied to your ass in a color you don't like

having your calendar lie to you about what day it is

constantly forgetting how to spell calendar

playing monopoly with drunk people who try to cheat, but are so obvious it's just stupid

strange guitar noises in the night

badly played saxophones in your bathroom

ranting madmen who actually make sense

dolls that turn into children

crusty bits in your hair

soggy shoe inserts

weird al's mustache

certificates of appreciation

not being able to get a snot ball out of your nose for days

sink drains filled with rotting bits of all the meals you've had in the last two weeks

having to clean out those drains without gloves or a nose plug

tribal drums pounding away that no one but you can hear

shrill ladies who like to tell you what to do

Madonna wearing a brittney spears shirt

dumping out a garbage can and somehow a dirty pad smears you with blood

having to pack up all your shit and move

glass cleaner that smells like lemons

radio shows that have announcers who think they are funny and then all they play is shitty music.