Mar 17/05
Answered by: Herbert

Why is the sky yellow? Kali
It must be very sunny out if it looks yellow! I have a blue sky with white bits in it and it's cold out. Maybe you live somewhere warmer than I do. I'm in Ottawa Canada and it's still pretty cold. Can I come visit you? We could be warm together then Kali.

Why is the grass purple? Kali
Purple grass! I think that it'd be lots of fun to have purple grass. Unless it was purple from having a smurf throwing up blood and bits of his blue insides. Then that'd be sad.

Why are clouds brown? Kali
When clouds suck up rain and stuff, it also picks up dirt and all the bad stuff that is put into the air. Then the clouds get angry because they're dirty and they have to rain on each other to get clean again.

Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Why do people generally find repetetiveness boring? Kali
Poor Kali. You must be really bored to only come up with these sorts of questions. Repetitiveness is boring because after the first bit, there is nothing new, it's all the same. All the same is boring.

Do you like apples and pears?
Yes I do! They are both yummy. I don't like when they are mushy though. Mushy pears are yucky. Mushy apples are yucky too. If you gave me some nice apples and pears then I would chop them up and share them with everyone and I'd even give everyone peanut butter to put on them.

Wow, Herbert, it looks like you really enjoyed your bath. How long did it take you to get dry? McDiablo
Oh yes it was great McDiablo! I still have lovely smelling fur! It took me almost a whole day to get dry but now I feel fluffier and happy. If you ever feel all sad then you should have a bath McDiablo, it's lots of fun and with bubbles it's even better!

My dad turns 50 today (March 14). Is he going to start making me do stupid things for him with the excuse of, "I can't do that anymore. I'm 50."? McDiablo
Well he might try that but you're super smart so you'd tell him that he needs to do it himself to keep his health up. Unless he goes crazy and wants you to go chug slurpees and fill the trunk with socks. That would be fun and I'd like you to come visit me so I can see all the socks.

Why are women treated like complete objects in Music videos? -Hufflebunny
I don't know but it makes me sad. People aren't objects! You should protest by not watching! Instead, you and I can make up anti-music videos that make people objects. We will show the world that all people can be more than just what they look like! We'll make everyone realize that they need to be smart and fun because brains are sexy. Mmmm brains.

On the tropicana commercial, they say "We only let in the best tasting oranges" for their juice, but how do they know what ones taste the best? Do they take a bite out of them and if they taste good, squeeze them into a container? -Hufflebunny
You're right Hufflebunny! There is no way to tell until you try it. Maybe they have orange testers that jam straws into the oranges and try them before they pass or deny them. I wonder if they need to take special orange juice tasting training. And what if sour tastes the best to one person and not to another? It could all just be more TV lies Hufflebunny!

Is Ti Monkie sad because there is no NHL or Toronto Maple Leafs this year? -Hufflebunny
I sent him an email and he hasn't replied yet. I bet he is pretty upset as it's what he loves to watch. He doesn't watch anything else or talk about anything else except for hockey. Maybe he should start up a sock monkey hockey league! We could all go watch and cheer!

JCP says not to grip old peoples' hands really hard while shaking hands, on the new list, but when I shake an old person's hand, It feels like they're going to crush my hand. Why can they crush ours, but we can't crush theirs? Also, she didn't give any advice on shaking the paws of sock monkeys. Any suggestions? -Hufflebunny. sorry for the 2 questions. *hugs*
Sock monkeys don't shake hands, we hug! Awwwww. And maybe they don't know they're crushing your hand or they're just doing it to be mean! If they start crushing yours then I think it's ok to crush theirs. Then, give them a big hug and crush their ribcage but be careful not to break yours too. I bet that would hurt a lot. Come here and I'll give you a nice hug and then we'll both be happy.

Where's the cheese?-bluemonkeyfearer
It's gone! I bet a mini monkey snuck in and stole it! Thos mini monkeys are tricky like that. You have to be careful with cheese around them.

Herbert I have discovered the wonderful world of alt codes!!! I invite the multitudes to indulge in alt codes!ßthey are fun! by the way if two space monkeys were purple and they genitically modified oranges to be green would they be happy?Thathinguywhois©
Alt codes? I don't know what you're talking about Thathinguywhois. Purple space monkeys! Maybe they would be happy if they did that to oranges. Then they could be given to the testers that Hufflebunny and I were talking about. Maybe one day I can be a tester too and can try the green oranges.

When is your birthday Mr.Herbert? -me*HUG*
It's January 27th! At least that's when I think it is. I celebrate birthdays all the time for people so sometimes I get confused. We should all have parties just for fun. Or maybe unbirthdays like that guy with the hat sang about when that little blond girl visited him. Did you see that movie? There was even a cat that had a big grin and sometimes all you could see was his grin.

who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things, and drink what comes out."? -Hufflebunny
<Giggles> That person would have to be very strange to think of that! I bet they were drunk! People do silly things when they're drunk and that is something I think drunk people would try. I wonder if it's the same person who tried chicken eggs. Who would think to fry up eggs of the chicken out of nowhere? Dead chicken fetuses. No mmmm for them.

What do good marajuanna seeds look like?
I don't know! Maybe they look nice and round and have a little stamp on them saying GOOD. That would be helpful wouldn't it?

If your walls could talk,what would they say?-me*HUG*
I bet they would say "Herbert we love you! We would hug you but then you'd die!". Maybe they'd ask for me to paint them or to put on the TV so they could watch shows they like. I think they'd like home decorating shows where they could see other walls being painted and stuff.

What is the best pill to OD on?
I don't eat pills so I don't know. Ask a doctor. I bet that a doctor could easily tell you which to take and how many. They learn that sort of thing in school with fancy books. Don't OD though, that'd be sad.

is it normal to wish i was white?
It's ok to want to be other colors. Sometimes I wish I were green like Emerald. You should be happy being your color though since there isn't much you can do to change it. Maybe if you wore white clothing all the time then you'd feel better. When I feel sad about not being green or another color, I just dress up in that color and sometimes even put paint on my face. It's fun but be careful because not all paint is good for you. Sometimes the blue paint will stain your skin/fur too.

Mar 19/05
Answered by: Herbert

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wodchuck could chuck wood?
If a wood chuck could chuck wood it would chuck as much wood as the wood chuck could. That's a lot of wood chucking if wood chucks could chuck wood.

Why is the world round and not square? Don't you think that a square planet would be so much cooler? Instead of a boring old sphere? BoredBlondChick
That would be weird BoredBlondChick! I wonder how we would sail around the world. Wait a minute, would we say things like acube the world? Maybe the moon would be square too. I like the sphere shape though and if I had to vote either way for sphere or cube. Shperes are more fun! Cubes can't roll around like spheres do. If you tried to bounce a cube it wouldn't work very well. Bouncing is important!

Why is everything 3D and not 2d? Wouldn't 2D be better than 3D? We would all be flat like paper! Then nobody would be able to complain about being fat. SexxxiiiiMaMa (aka BoredBlondChick)
You don't like spheres or 3d?! Poor BoredBlondChick, you have gotten bored with all the fun things. I like your first name, the other one is too hard for me to spell! In order for you to become unbored, you should come over and hang out with me for a few days. That way you and I can have fun and you'll be happy with spheres! I will get us some bouncy balls so that you can remember how fun spheres and 3d objects are!

Hey, can you guess what tomorow is ?-me*hug*
Is it your birthday? If so then hugs for you! Many hugs! I'll get a cake and everything. Is that what is it? Maybe you're being tricky and saying that tomorrow is tomorrow because it's always tomorrow tomorrow because today is today. That's a bit confusing to say but it's true! Tell me what! I want to know! Is it Herbert gets a gift day? I'd like that day! We could open it together!

Why does my cat INSIST on sitting on my paper when I do my homework or when I'm reading ths newpaper? -Hufflebunny
Awww aren't you lucky! Your cat loves you and wants to help you. I can make a deal with your cat and it can go sleep on your bed and I will sit on your desk and help you with your homework. Together we can learn about things! We'll be super smart and everyone will love us and want to buy us shoes! We could travel the world and do fun stuff everywhere. I bet we'd find the best fancy hats ever too!

I have two questions. First: does anyone know how to build a hyperdrive so I can recruit the covenant to help me take over the world? Second: does anyone here want to help me take over the world? signed the teenage mutant ninja gerbil.
I don't know how to build a hyperdrive (sorry) but I will help you take over! I say we take it over by giving everyone hugs until they just want to hug people too and then we'd all we hugging and the world would be taken over. What a happy day that would be teenage mutant ninja gerbil! We should make some cake and things now for the big hugging party we could have. We could make everyone have tons of hugging parties! Happy hugging day! Wow, let's start now!

Mar 21/05
Answered by: Herbert

does exctasy give you leg cramps
I haven't been so happy I've hit ecstasy in the last while but I think I'd remember getting leg cramps. So I'd have to say no. Sometimes getting really happy will make my legs wobbly though. Is that what you mean? If so then yes!

Today's my birthday ! Can you guess how many candles are gonna' be on my cake?-me*HUG*
Happy birthday me! Big hugs for you! If you come over I'll make cake! Well buy cake, but it'd be good cake! You must have lots of fun candles on your cake and we will wear party hats and throw glitter and have balloons! We'll make capes to wear and everything! Did you get good presents? You should bring them so we can play!

If ants got in the sugar, and the sugary ants got on your shoes, what would you do?
That would tickle and I'd laugh and dance and laugh and dance! Then I'd lick my feet and giggle more but it'd taste good with sugary ants. I'd have a pair of sugary smelling shoes then too! Wow, that sounds really good!

Is everybody wonder where Mort has gone? - Mort
Hi Mort I just read a list that you wrote with JCP. If I hadn't read that then I think I would have not wondered where you are but since I did read it I was wondering where you had gone. Where did you go? Do you have more fun things to read for me?

Why is my favorite radio station playing techno music instead of rock like it's supposed to?!?!?!?!? Runn awaaaayyy!! BoredBlondChick (I decided I didn't like my other name either)
Techno instead of rock! Oh no! Did you phone them, oh no, I mean did you email them and find out what is going on? Maybe they are just doing it to be horribly awful and need a mean email to set them straight! If that doesn't work, you should start your own rock radio station! I'd listen every day and rock out with you!

Ok Edgefest...a huge concert in Dallas, Texas. Well I was trying to win tickets off the radio station. Well apparently the person on the radio is a moron and is giving out the wrong number but thats not the point. The point is that I called the number and I got the operator saying that the number is not in service. I called twice just to make sure and got the operator both times. Then I hung up the phone...and someone called and only let it ring once. I was freaked out because I assumed they were calling back. Just to make sure it wasn't a coincidence I called the same number twice again and got the operator both times again and got a call back again!!!! How is this possible if I always get the operator?!?! BoredBlondChick (sorry so long)
That's really weird BoredBlondChick! (Also that moron was very dumb for giving out the wrong number.) It's good you didn't pick up, it might have been a loud angry noise or something. Maybe it's the operator phoning you back to offer you help, or to maybe to tell you things that will confuse you so you can't sleep at night. That'd be awful! You'd be awake for days and go crazy! Poor BoredBlondChick, I think you should smash the phone so it's not so mean to you anymore.

I read Old People Suck and can't figure out if you are American or English. You talk about standing on queue (English) and then you say a nickel buys this (American). My Q is, Yank or Limey? Are you dudes or blokes. Jolly What or What The Fuck. Is your name Mick or Mike? Yank
I went and read it and when I was done giggling, I looked at the top to see who had written it. It says Mort and JCP. Well if you looked in all about us, then you'd see that Mort is from the UK, and JCP is from Canada. My name isn't Mick or Mike, it's Herbert! It says it at the top. You should really start reading all the words on the page, it makes things make sense! You will be happier with life and then you and I will give each other hugs to give others an example to look to. People could make posters of us!

no matter what tempeture it is, its always room tempeture. what is room tempeture?
Room temperature is the temperature of the room! You're being all tricky with the words but I made it through. Are you impressed? We can hug now!

I was reading the rules on insane questions for fun and I have a few questions about them... In the rules it says no gibberish, do you consider pig latin gibberish? Everybody knows pig latin after least normal smart people do! Also why do you say quantity does not equal quality? I mean the more sugar you eat the better sugar high you get, and that's just one example so yeah. Oh wait isn't that two questions? Now it's three... I'm sorry!!! I'll give you a hug at the end to make up for it! BoredBlondChick *hug* thanx for answering three questions at once!!!!
I don't know pig latin. That makes me sad. I only know one language. I am just not as smart as the rest of you. I'm glad you gave me a hug so I feel better. Do you still want to hug me now that I'm stupid though? I'm just as huggable. And it doesn't say that you can't have lots of sugar, just that you can't send in lots and lots of boring questions at once. To make up for the confusion we can share a bag of sugar! Mmmm licking sugar off my paws. Don't have to be smart to enjoy that!

I don't know but it looks like fun! I'd yell but I feel lazy and last time I yelled then I got yelled at and that made me sad. You're not yelling at me are you Sexxii Loser? That would be mean.

What are the white things that keep jumping around in my pubic hair?
Ew that sounds yucky! I bet it's one of those itchy scratchy burny diseases. You should go get it checked out and stay far away from me and my tail. I don't want to have to shave my fur and all that stuff and not be able to hug anyone.

How has this employment served you and your fancy pants chap?-Bald.
I've liked being here and answering questions, it's fun! I get to meet new people and hug them!

My cooch has gotten loose and I fear I don't know how to restrain it, but if you don't mind, if I may, lay a peice a cheese near your haven?monkey...-gruff
You are confusing me gruff! I'm just a sock monkey who doesn't know pig latin so you're going to have to put things in a more simple way for me. I like cheese though, it's good. I had some today! It was orange and yummy.

My god Look At that! My God would You look at that? My GOD! Did you see that... my god. Hm, I ponder so deeply, so near the pit to my maligent, magma incarcerated core that I fear I fear....I may never discover the best toenail to be chewed first... Can You reach in and bring it to the fore front solider..? Mh, cherry blossoms, mh oozee , ripe bouncey, fruit bobbing from light reflecting bambonian leaves, twirling and surrounding the fruits... cherry blossom tree... Have you been to the mind a of dead man and if so... was there any nice trees as I just described?
This is gruff again isn't it? Now you're just talking jibberish, even if it is pig latin because I don't know it. I think you should stop that, you're just being mean now and you deserve the monkey butt for making fun of me not being smart.

I like to frankly eat ugly things... I mean edible of not... I can't help to indulge... now I can't remove this quentin tarentino between my teeth... and my film making has yet to improve.White out doesnt work eithar, suggestions?
I think you should eat cheese. It's orange and yummy but can also be white and yummy. I think there are other colors of cheese that are yummy but I haven't had them. I am hungry for cheese again now. We can have some together!

ergh, sorry pal.. got a busted nose... blood keeps blocking the keyboard and the buttons won't go down easy... damn white blood cells... gotta make this quick, whats the easy quick yummmm way to fry tofu with monkey legs? my dinner plans must not be foiled.
Tofu monkey legs? That sounds yucky and I'm glad I don't know how to make that. I do not want to go to your place for dinner ever if that is the sort of thing you serve. If you had lots of cheese then I might think things over. Or shoes. Or shoes made to look like shoes! Mmmmmmm cheese shoes.

Mar 24/05
Answered by: Herbert

Could I bounce to the moon on a medicine ball? Just a random thought that stems from sleep deprevation. SleepyBlondChick
I had to go look up what a medicine ball was! I don't think you could bounce to the moon with one though. What you need to do is get a giant elastic band, tie it between two trees and then shoot yourself to the moon. Tell me when you go and I will see if I can see you on the moon waving! I'm sorry to hear you're not sleeping well, you should let me come over and I will hug you to sleep.

I ate a mint..from my ex-boyfriend. It tasted kinda you think he could have spiked it? Because now I feel dizzy..and strange..and my friend Alix tells me he might have jizzed on it...should I be worried? Kinky Vampire Chick
Well him jizzing on it wouldn't make you feel dizzy and strange. If he had put in drugs of some sort then you'd feel dizzy and strange. You should not eat any more mints from him. You and Alix need to run away for a few months and hide in a tree until you feel better. If he won't stop giving you mints then tell me and I'll go spank him until he bleeds.

I think you're just trying to get some attention. And really, just saying LAAAAAAA doesn't mean you're actually singing. La la la is more singing than LAAAAA. So maybe you should find something new to sing and then people will pay more attention. You could also bang pots and pans to get even more attention.

herbert.... i'm sorry your not slaking my thirst for the truly insane, actually the fact that you don't accept gibberish is just pitiful, I mean what is insanity for if not gibberish especially fine well meant poetic gibberish like you gave a but monkey award too last time, I mean that was actual real insanity! but no you ppl want only stupid insanity like cheese and shoes and... wait a minute i am complaining like a whiny little git... and your not really gonna care cause you do as you like just as i do... meh.. you should really try to love a truer form of insanity than the boiled down unfortunate tepid oatmeal of monkey sex and shoes thathinguywhois (true insanity accepts no bounds or rules)
Hi thathinguywhois! You have a special way of being insane but not everyone can be like you. Jibberish is ok sometimes, but how am I to answer it when it doesn't make any sort of sense! People (and some sock monkeys) would get mad if all I did is talk jibberish. In fact, I had tried that for awhile but my mom got mad and told me if I didn't stop then she'd feed me to some sharks. Ok she didn't, but DC did and I was scared of sharks for a long time. Even now I won't go swimming with them. My mom did get mad when I spoke jibberish though and refused to listen to it. It made me sad for awhile. I will try to be more open to other forms of insanity, but remember that I'm just a simple sock monkey. I will always love shoes, sock monkey sex and of course, cheese. If you want thathinguywhois, then you can come over and we'll do insane things together and speak jibberish. Will that finally make you happy? I'll even give you hugs.

Would you consider the sentence "I swear to God, I'm in hell." an oxy-moron considering swearing to God lands you in hell in the first place, and yet the person or persons have still yet to get the clue? - The Bubble
That's why if you believe in Santa. He doesn't care if you say "I swear to Santa." He understands and knows that sometimes things don't go so good and that you need to swear to someone. Then, he brings you presents. Santa is much better to believe in! He's nice and friendly and gives people stuff! The worst Santa threatens to do is to give you coal if you're bad. Yay Santa!

Will I forget to answer the Questionnaire? McDiablo
I hope not McDiablo! I like reading stuff you write. I go to your site and read and I always look here to see if you've written anything new. You should go answer it right now so that you don't forget! I think I will too, and maybe I can get some fancy awards! I bet you've gotten lots. Big hugs for McDiablo!

Do you have some gloves I could borrow? My hands suck 'cuz they get cold really fast. McDiablo
I'm sorry but I don't have any. Poptart does and since he's at work, I can go searching for some in his closet. I bet he's got warm gloves because it gets very cold here in Ottawa sometimes. I will send you all the gloves I find, and if they don't work, I will come over and Emerald can hug one hand while I hug the other and your hands will stay warm! When I can afford my own place then I will have a closet of shoes and another closet of gloves. Then anyone who comes to visit can have warm hands and feet.

What word(s) do you not like saying? McDiablo
Hmmm I have to think about that. I don't like saying "Yo mama." or "spackle" or "linoleum". Words that I can't say very well like "aluminum". Big words are all scary to me but I'm trying to learm them. Having you people ask me questions helps me to get smarter!

How do you get pizza sauce out of the carpet?
I just drag a shoe over it, or a rug or something. One time I spilt some on Poptarts floor and when I tried to wipe it away with my tail, it just smeared all over. So I put some papers of his over it and a tshirt that he doesn't wear much. Once it all dried I hid he tshirt and kept the papers there and when he found it, I pretended I was all surprised to see it there so that he wouldn't blame me.

Hi, Herbert, how are you today?-bluemonkeyfearer
I'm ok today bluemonkeyfearer, how are you? It's sort of cold out so I'm a bit cold, and I can't find one of my shoes. If I found it then I'd be happy instead of ok. I was wondering, what color of sock monkey do you like? I know you don't like blue monkeys, but what about um, gray monkeys? I like all sorts of colors of sock monkeys. The blue monkeys haven't really bothered me in awhile but I still don't like them because they were mean to you.

do ants like cheese or sugar better?
I think they like sugar better. One time I left both out for them and they took all the sugar away before the cheese. It was really hard to let them have it, because I like sugar and cheese too, but sharing is fun!

First off, how are you Herbert? Are things in life going well for you? Healthy?...I myself am just fine, things are well, and I'm remotely healthy. On with the question though...if I ask you a question, and I don't think it is insane, but it being asked here means it is insane, does that classify me as insane because I think it's normal and it isn't? - The Bubble
I'm ok but would be good if I found that missing shoe. Life is going ok, I'm saving up to get my own place so I can have a closet of shoes and gloves. I could also run around naked doing naughty things without having anyone telling me to do that sort of thing in the bathroom. I could fill the fridge with cheese and the cupboards with sugar! I'd also have a party and invite all you people over for pizza! You don't have to ask insane questions The Bubble, I liked your questions. You are a fun type of insane, just like me! You and I could go skipping in the park and be insane together! Even your name is fun! Bubbles are fun! Like bubble baths!

How come the more we shave our legs or our arms, the more the hair grows back, but if we pull out all our eye lashes, they barely grow back or even stay gone forever? Now that I think about it, did you pull all your lashes out Herbert and they never grew back? - The Bubble
I never had eyelashes! It does seem weird that hair does that though. You humans have strange bodies that do strange things. Why do you shave your arms? I don't know anyone that shaves their arms, that would be strange. Lots of creatures have fur all over and they never shave! Some people spend hours every day shaving and everything which I think is a lot of time to waste on shaving! Maybe there should be shaving monkeys that go around helping people shave.

If the ground suddenly started jolting to the beat of We Will Rock You would you start dancing?
Oh yes! I'd jump up and down and I'd dance dance dance! Would you dance with me? That'd be fun!

Mar 27/05
Answered by: Herbert

Are cows aliens? Think about it they are the only animal on the planet with three stomachs. There has to be something alien about that. BoredBlondChick (No longer sleepy)
They have three stomachs? Wow! They must be able to eat a lot! I wonder if they'd eat cheese though since it comes from something that comes from them. I wonder if the cows know that we do this with their milk. That would be weird! How could they not know though? Three stomachs. That's very weird! It does seem alien to me too now that I think about it. No wonder they are out there all day eating lots and lots of grass and hay. I wonder if I could fit more stomachs inside of me. I could eat lots and lots then and not worry about puking from being too full! I'm glad to hear you're not sleepy anymore!

Herbert if an horribble accident happened to you and you were in the hospital for months what would the insane domain do without you? The-Mysterious-Non-Mysterious-Person-Thing
Oh no! I would be very sad if that happened. I guess JCP would answer the questions or maybe get someone else to. I'd have to vote no to Mzebonga answering though, he can be very mean to people. I've seen him call people names and everything. Maybe a puppet could answer for awhile until I return. No wait, I would ask for a laptop in the hospital and answer questions from there! I would be on strange drugs and could give long strange answers! Unless I broke my paws. That would suck a lot. I'm going to hope that nasty things like that don't happen to me.

If your thinking what your friend is thinking and she is thinking what her mother is thinking and her mother is thinking what your thinking, than who's idea was the thought? BoredBlondChick
Everyone would share the thought! Sharing is fun and everyone should try it more unless it's something mean. Mean things should be chopped up and buried in the dirt so that we don't have to look at it anymore. Maybe once it's dug up, then it will be good and people will be happy to find it. Thoughts are hard to bury though so you have to write them down and bury the paper. I bet we were all thinking about cheese and shoes weren't we? Or maybe socks. Mmmm socks.

I accidently stumbled onto a vampire website and well I have a few questions. I'll only ask one though because I follow the rules. For now >_> <_< ^_^ Well ne way. My question is, is it possible to be a christian vampire? The site said it was. But if it is than how is it possible? Thanx Herbert! FlaminPyroPrincezz66
I'm just a sock monkey but I figure that people believe whatever they want. To me, I think that being a vampire would be way more fun than being a christian. Being a vampire doesn't have as many stupid rules or weird things that they lie about. Also, I bet that vampires would let me have a nice fancy cape! Both vampires and christians kill people from what I've seen on the tv, so they're both bad that way. I would like to be a shoe vampire so I could go around at night and steal shoes and then make them mine by biting them.

Everytime i see my ex boyfriend, the one who spiked my mint, he looks funny and that makes me wanna throw up a little in my mouth then swaller it and throw it back up again...what do i do to prevent this?!?!?!?- Kinky Vampire Chick
Don't look at him Kinky Vampire Chick! That's the easiest way to not have to swallow puke. If that doesn't work then just vomit at him and maybe he will stay away so you never feel sick again. You're a vampire, can you tell me if vampires like cheese? If I became a shoe vampire would you show me how to fly around at night and bite shoes while wearing a cape? I bet you have a nice cape. I hope I don't have to make my own though because I'm not good at making capes. I tried once with a bed sheet and then got yelled at.

What Does a vigina suspose to smell like???
I think you mean Virginia. I knew one and she smelled like berries and one time like vanilla. I think she had fancy shampoo and bubble bath stuff. I could smell like that too. In fact, I think I will go out and get some fancy smelling bubble bath so I can smell like berries. Mmmmm berries.

what if you are a turtle?
A sock turtle? Well my tail would be smaller but I'd have a fancy shell. Hmm, falling on my back would suck because I'd need help flipping over. I'd be sad if I were a turtle and I'd miss my monkey tail very much. Please don't turn me into a turtle!

Evening Herbert...I was just watching TV when this thought popped into my head, and when I realized I didn't know the answer, I knew there was only one place to get the answer. So my question tonight for you is, why do sounds like nails on a chalkboard or silverware on a plate only hurt some peoples ears and not others? - The Bubble
Everyone is different, that's the reason. Isn't that good? I know some people that even like the smell of skunks! Those noises don't bother me really but I have sock monkey ears so maybe those sounds just aren't bothersome to sock monkeys. Dogs barking lots makes me cringe though. I'm so glad you came here to ask me The Bubble! It's nice bubbles like you that are fun! Are you a bath bubble? Do you smell like berries or vanilla? As a bubble you must get to float around and be shiny! I wish I were shiny but I'm ok with being fuzzy and warm. That means I can hug you without making you pop!

why does this worl suck soo much?, theres never anything to do, yet there are soooo many thing, why does life suck so much? i find myself very bored very often , what should i do? please tell me, cuz if u dont im gonna end up in the insane house. i really need a life how do i make more friends?
When I'm bored I build forts and play in them! If I'm not allowed to do that then I sometimes go outside and run around for awhile until I fall down tired. If that doesn't work then I go count my shoes and even clean them. Next time you are bored you should come hang out with me and we can play pretend! That's always fun! Insane house? We could go there together! I bet there is lots of fun stuff to do there. I'm sorry the world sucks so much though. It's sad. Making friends is hard but if you hug people then sometimes it's easier. If we hang out together and give out hugs then people will like us and we'll be happy! We could go find a fun place where people like being hugged and be popular. Mmmm hugs.

What is the opposite of sweet? People have been telling me that it's sour but I think that they're lying to me. I think it is bitter but if all these other people think that it's sour, is it a conspiracy? Are they trying to warp my mind into their sweet 'n' sour porky ways? Help me!
I don't think it's sour, I think it's bitter. Those people have been lying to you and trying to warp your mind! You tell them NO and throw plastic bits at them until they stop lying. Then you should go rent movies and turn them up loud so that the people telling you lies can not yell loud enough to be heard anymore and they will go away. I hope that helps!

If you sewed a button to the back of your head, would you be able to see through it, thus being able to watch your own back? If so, why haven't you done this already? Hell, why don't you sew one to the end of your tail so that you can see around corners?
Those are some very smart ideas! I'm afraid that sewing things into me would hurt though. Maybe there is a type of sock monkey sedative so that it won't hurt and make me cry. Seeing around corners with my tail is such a great idea that I think I will ask my mom about it! If anyone knows of sock monkey sedatives then tell me! I could have them on my hands and feet too! No one would ever be able to sneak up behind me and scare me enough to pee myself ever again! I could maybe do secret spy work too with all my eyes!

huberto release the hounds as they pervade my essence with blood and and murder display that elegance without thought shoeing cheese for sugar punks licking sleaze down my spine whats the time to ask you to remove your cowl and howl at the infinite starry moon. Is this alright?thathinguywhois
Sure go ahead thathinguywhois. You always have strange things and ideas so you go ahead and try them and send me pictures so that I can see all the fun things you do. I don't think you should play with fire though because you seem like the sort of guy that would do bad things with fire and probably end up burning your tail off.

Do I taste good? Just wondering because of that Oscar Mayer Song. You know the one. O I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weener. So everyone would take a bite of me!!! I don't know if I taste good or not and I was curious...BoredBlondChick
Is that what the song is? I never knew that! Why would people want to be eaten all up? That would mean all the fun would end once they shit you out and flushed you! I bet you would taste good BoredBlondChick but don't let anyone bite you because they could be a vampire. Oh wait, that would be good! You find a vampire and have it bite you then you and I can be vampires together! I will be a shoe vampire and you can be a normal vampire! We could visit Kinky Vampire Chick and eat cheese and have parties! You two can eat the people and I get to keep the shoes! What a great idea! Let's go do that now!

Mar 29/05
Answered by: Herbert

Have you ever searched the word "Google" on
I didn't until you asked this! Nothing fun and fancy showed up though. I thought maybe it would show something fun and secret but it didn't. They should have balloons float on the page or something fun like that! Or maybe a secret game that you can play. A game where you have to pop balloons would be fun!

I really like that Dangly Sock Monkey. Does he have a name? If not, can i name him Wilbur? :) -Hufflebunny
Wilbur is a great name for him! I think it suits him well. Wilbur the dangly sock monkey. I wonder if he can dance, I bet he can! I'm going to email JCP and tell her that we've named it Wilbur. I've heard that she's sick so it might take awhile but we'll all know he's called Wilbur from now on! Good name Hufflebunny!

Have you been into the mind a of dead man? - Mort.
I tried once but then he woke up and started yelling at me because he wasn't dead. Then he started chasing me with the fork I had put in his ear and I had to run away and hide under the bed. He tried to pull my tail and stab me but I was able to stay out of reach until he got tired and left. Now I shake people before trying to dig into their minds.

do ants like cheese or sugar better?
You're very stupid to keep asking the same question over and over. I already answered you on this page. You should stay away from ants and everything else. Stupid people are a danger to others and if you can't see that I've answered you already and keep sending this in every day, you shouldn't be allowed near computers. You would probably make a really good foot stool though. I need one of those. That would make up for you asking this over and over and never reading the answer.

Those Peeps things are indeed quite scary. How would you kill them? McDiablo
I would hug them to death but I guess they'd stick to my fur. Hmmm. I guess I would hit them with a shoe until they were all mushy and then throw them in the garbage. I hope they would jump up and try to jam their mushy beaks into my face. They don't look like they'd be very friendly at all. Eating them would be scary. I was in a store and saw a fuzzy basket that was shaped like them too. We should gather them all up and make sure they can't do mean things to anyone!

Do you like soup? McDiablo
Sometimes I do. Most times it's not all that fun and I don't feel full. I do like smushing up crackers and filling the bowl with them so it's more like cracker stew! Crackers are fun and taste yummy even without soup. My favorites are the white square crackers that have salt on them. Mmmm crackers. Now I want to go eat some McDiablo! Do you want some too? I can get us some cheese and we'll have cheese and crackers. That's the most yummy meal ever!

Have you got any AA batteries? McDiablo
Well not really. I steal them out of the remote control for the TV when no one is looking. Do you need some? I bet I could find some for you and no one would notice they were missing. I'm sneaky like that sometimes. My paws are all fuzzy so I don't make noise when I creep around.

how long does marajuanna really stay in your system
Well I looked it up online and it said 'Effects last about 2 to 3 hours'. It didn't say how long it stayed in your system exactly though. There is lots of info online about it but there is a lot that conflicts with each other. I'm not sure what to believe! I had looked it up on

I like all colors of sockmonkeys, Herbert. What color of humans do you like? I don't think there are grey humans..unless they're really old and carry canes to whack people with.-bluemonkeyfearer
Anything that carries canes to whack people with is mean! I like lots of colors of humans. I met a purple human once and when I licked them they tasted like grape. They got mad I licked them but it was worth it. Since then I haven't seen any purple people. Wait a minute, you don't like blue monkeys though do you? Or you do like them but fear them? Maybe not all blue monkeys are to be feared, maybe just the mean ones are. That must be the case because you're so nice bluemonkeyfearer. I'm sure you wouldn't hate nice blue monkeys. I should have suits to wear so that I can be different colors! I could have a nice green one and a red one and even an orange one!

why dosent the moon fall on earth
It's not allowed to! Well ok the truth is that it slowly is falling towards the earth. It will take a long time before it actually does so you don't have to worry about it happening to us anytime soon! Too bad we can't get a space ship and go forward in time so we can watch it smash into the earth! Imagine how that would look. We'd have to watch from far away with popcorn and everything. Of course we'd make sure all the sock monkeys and people we like are in a safe place far away though.

Mar 31/05
Answered by: Herbert

I haven't written anything weird and wonderful for the Insane Domain in quite some time. If you weren't answering questions, what would you write for the site? McDiablo
I'd like to see more stuff from you McDiablo! You're fun! Maybe I can help you with something. I don't know what I'd be doing, it took me awhile just to get JCP to agree that I could answer questions. I'm not very good at writing articles and lists so I think I'd just be doing the photos. I'm glad that I can answer questions here and I hope DC never ever comes back to answer them. I would feel lonely and sad if I had to go away and I'd miss everyone terribly.

Have you ever applied for a passport? I got all that crap done today and, dang, it was un-fun. McDiablo
No I haven't actually. Are you going somewhere? Does Emerald have a passport? I don't know where I'd go if I had a passport. I don't think I'd need one to stay within Canada, and there are lots of places in Canada I'd like to see. If I came to BC where you are, would you and Emerald want to see me? Would we go out for slurpees? I'd be so happy if we did that!

Would you like some Jelly Bellies? McDiablo
I don't know what those are but they sound fun so sure! My belly isn't jelly quite yet, maybe when I'm older and lazy it will turn to jelly! Then I could jump up and down and it'd jiggle and I'd giggle!

What do u do when a guy friend keeps trying to hug u and pat you on the ass and stuff lik that when youre a girl and u don't want them to but don't want to have him not be ur friend anymore and ur seeing thieir best friend?
That's sad to hear that is happening! Next time they try to hug you, tell them you don't want to. You don't have to hug anyone if you don't want to! If they try to pat you on the ass, you tell them NO. It's them who should feel bad for doing that to you and shouldn't be doing that if you're seeing their best friend! Some people think they can do whatever they want to others but that's not nice at all. If you want I will go kick their ass for you! If they can't learn to keep their hands to themselves and to not treat you like that then you need to stop being their friend and tell their best friend what is happening. That person isn't a friend if they don't stop.

Since JCP is sick, Can you tell her I hope she feels better? :) -Hufflebunny
Sure! I heard that she has been away from work for almost a week and her eyes are all pink and everything. I would go give her hugs but she is a 5 hour drive away and I can't drive a car by myself! Maybe if we send her happy thoughts she will get better soon. Being sick is never fun. Maybe I will send her stuff in the mail to make her happy. She likes getting mail. Who doesn't!

Are there earthquakes on the moon? -Hufflebunny
I don't think so Hufflebunny. From what I've read, it's not an active moon. It gets hit with things and craters appear but no quakes. I guess they'd be moonquakes! That almost sounds like something you'd eat. Mmmmm moonquakes. I wonder what it feels like though. It must be scary to have the ground shake under you. Maybe I will go somewhere that has them and see what it's like.

Hey Herbert! Whats up? How are you? Nothing here really I just got done watching a new horror movie called Saw. It is extremely scary/sick/horrifying/etc. Well anyway my question is if you were locked up in a bathroom and chained to a pipe would you cut off your own foot or paw, just to escape? (Thats what the dude in the movie did....sickening huh?) Well thanx for being here and answering!!! BoredBlondChick
Scary movies are scary! I don't watch them much because then I can't sleep for many nights! I guess that I would have to do that if the person who chained me up was being mean and not feeding me and stuff. I hope you don't have bad dreams or anything! If you do then you can call me and I'll come hug you to sleep and make sure that bad things don't come into your room while you sleep. I'd miss my paw if I had to chop it off. I would have to bring it along and maybe it could be sewn back on so I wouldn't have to be pawless on that arm or leg.

wow, this site has changed, i was here a while back ago , but the us navy kidnapped me, now im over by vancouver. oh yeah, did you ever meet jasper the sock monkey? hes here too!! hes sitting on my desk drinking a beer and eating some cheetoes. he's hit a bout of depression lately, but hes coming back from it. anyways, heres my question of the day: why do aircraft carriers remind me of rubber duckies? and is there a job more screwed up than being a cook in the military? until later - monkie boy
Hi monkie boy! Welcome back! I did meet Jasper actually, he was lots of fun! Tell him I say hi! I'm sorry to hear he's been sad, is there anything I can do to help? Send him hugs for me so he will be happier. I've never seen a real aircraft carrier, just the ones on tv. They look huge! You're a cook? Wow! You must make lots of food because those things look like they'd hold a lot of people. Do you get to travel around the world? Is it scary? Does Jasper help you cook? You could escape to Canada with him! You could open your own restaurant or pizza place and call it Jaspers Place! I'd come visit when I came to visit Emerald and McDiablo! We could have a sock monkey reunion!

what happen make better in food webs?
I'm not sure what you're asking. You should spend more time thinking about the question and then reread it before you hit send. I don't have any food webs, but spiders have webs that catch food. They eat things like flies though and I don't want to eat those.

Why does hot water make skin itchy like on your back and the back of your head when you get into a bath or hot tub? -Hufflebunny
I don't know Hufflebunny! Maybe it means you need more bubbles and nice smelling things so that your skin is happy and doesn't feel all itchy anymore! Vanilla is a good scent. It's warm and makes you feel all relaxed. Also, it's yummy to smell! You should try it sometime!

Isn't it really all about me?
Sure! Actually, you've made me wonder where "me" has gone. I don't see any questions lately from them. I hope that "me" is ok. I'd be sad to hear that "me" is sick too. Maybe JCP has infected others with her illness! Oh no! I could put on a special plastic suit and give hugs to all the sick people and monkeys out there.

Why does the spider have eight legs?
So they can run around really quick and balance. I don't think I've ever seen a spider fall over and I bet it's because of their eight legs! If I had eight legs I could run really fast too, maybe even up walls! I'd be a spider sock monkey! That would be lots of fun!

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