My internet connection
was all wonky, so I unplugged my firewall for 30 seconds like
a tech. guy once told us. It usually works after you do this,
but I had to do it three times. Is my computer rebelling at last?
yes it is... you better LOOK OUT
There was a really
bright rainbow outside not that long ago. It was kind of cool.
Do you think I should have looked for a pot of gold at the end
of it? I'm kind of wishing I did now. McDiablo
yes you should have... why didn't you????
So, why is it that
I puke for no apparent reason? It's gotten to the point where
I've nicknamed myself the Unwilling Bullimic. McDiablo
well it could be due to something called acid reflux... try not
having acidic foods all the time... have bread when you start
to not feel so good... eat properly... exercise... ? i'm not yet
a MD... MD DC... that'd be fun
do people point to theire wrist when they ask for the time? sometimes
it makes me want to say "i know where my watch is, dumbass...where
the hell is yours?" it's like pointing to your crotch when
you ask where the bathroom is. why do they do it? are they actually
that stupid?? SilverJackal
ok damnit i've heard this before many times... it's been on tv
and everything else said by different people... come up with your
OH YOUR SO FUNNY!how
dooo you do it?-Zellouses
i just pull funny stuff out of my ass.. it's an amazing talent
Am I putting on the
condom wrong, or is it supposed to turn blue like that?
uh thats not a condom... you really should hold off on 'sex' until
you're at least smart enough to figure out what a real condom
i love u!!!! do u
um... maybe later... i'll let you know
when u have to pee
for a really long time and u keep on holding it in, does it make
u feel horny? mariedk
no... no it doesn't
After seeing the
adorable little monkey George Bush stumble through yet another
speech I began to wonder how on earth this barely literate man
got the idea to run for president. Then it hit me. The words "election"
and "erection" are wonderfully similar, and could easily
be confused up by a man whose worst enemy is any word with more
than two syllables. My theory, Bush never wanted to be president,
he, like his predecessor, merely wanted a blow job! What are your
thoughts on this?
i think that you could have a valid theory... although i think
if we follow the arm that is up his ass and making his mouth move...
we may find out what is really going on
sock monkeys rule! What can you people possibly think of next?!
well it wasn't us who came up with it... jcps mom bought them
What do you think
of lists and list writing? McDiablo
well i'd have to say that for the most part i'm quite for them
unless it's a TO DO list for me
I start work at a
chocolate store in two weeks. I basically help out with the stock
during the busy times (ie: Christmas and Easter). I have to start
thinking about Christmas on November 3. This is going to make
me angry, I know it. What can I do to hide this anger? McDiablo
carefully unwrap a random chocolate and lick it.. then wrap it
back up and put it back.... that always helps me
Is pidge from voltron
a girl or a boy? Thatthingguywhois
uh i have no idea...
Did elvis really
die on a toliet? i think thats funny
i've heard that sort of thing... but don't know for sure... that
would indeed be funny if it is true
Do you use frontpage?
I'm trying to make a form on my site for people to send me stuff
but it just sends you to your mail and makes you write a letter,
which is stupid and unclassy. I'm stupid and unclassy, yes, but
I just want my form to work properly. Actually this question needs
a 5 page answer which I'm not going to get, so how about I ask
you how the weather in Canada is instead? FartMonkey
used to use frontpage but have moved on to dreamweaver... there
are tons of sites around that will tell you how to do what you
need to do... do a search for frontpage resources... and the weather
here has been a bit cold with some rain... but otherwise fine
whos the coolest
have you ever taken
part in drug intake?if so were? and if so how? and if so what
type? and if so, is it a dependancy? or a living? or a social
thing? or a replacement for the days without your precious internet?if
you said no to all can i take it as a lie?do you have a opinon
on drugs?...hmm i want your opinon DC...i demand your take and
im pretty sure this isnt a survey-Supadingy
i've taken a few painkillers this week for neck/back pain... i
took the pills in my apartment under the supervision of my cat...
swallowed them... pills... not dependant... and if my friends
wanted to come over and partake in my painkillers well thats strange
but sure... my opinion on drugs is that no one should let a substance
control their lives...
Is there really such
thing as an inside-out pillowcase violation? McDiablo
in some households yes... so you better look over the rules
If you had a blank
T-shirt and a bottle of fabric paint in front of you right now,
what would you write on the shirt? McDiablo
do i have to wear the shirt then? if i had to wear it then i'd
write nothing... if i don't have to wear it then i'd write DIE
Has this 'put your
clocks back an hour' thing thrown you off, too? McDiablo
it did briefly... now it's all ok
guess what? from
joe momma!!!!!!!! hahaha, i'm a dick head.....and i dont even
have a dick. hahahaha. it got cut off in a tragic accident when
i was just a little boy.........who will ever have sex with me?
well judging from what you've written here... probably not anyone
for a very long time
Does anything insanity
and us run rampant? What other things might be running rampant
at this moment? Wildebeast? IHOP? - Mzebonga
i'd shock you through your keyboard if i could for mentioning
ihop... and dirty socks can run rampant with you and insanity
It says of Ver: "Responsible
for getting my.theinsanedomain online! Oh yea, and JCPs husband."
Did anybody notice that this can be read as "Ver is responsible
for my.theinsanedomain.com and JCP's husband"? What happened
to JCP's husband and how is Ver responsible??? Did he get drunk
and run him down and now JCP has a husband in a wheelchair? Or
is JCP's husband a mechanical creation of Ver's design? - Mzebonga
oh oh... i'll have to tell jcp that you've figured out her dirty
secret... then she can explain it to ver using sock puppets
sexy monkey..can i touch your tail? Ripper
ive heard people
talking behind my back yesterday it was odd and uncomfortable,
they talked about me really disgusted and i havent even seen there
faces before... it was in school so i guess you'd expect to hear
things like that.but.. *sigh*... it was 2 people i walk by the
side of who were female i believe i tryed to get ahead of them
but we seemed to walk at the same pace so i dodged across them
and as i did that they said"ugh she was right near us."
"yes what a wierdo"...HUH?... people sure are strange..who
the hell were they?
who cares? they obviously suck... and when you're out of school
you'll never have to hear their bullshit again...
its hard to get around
with arms..without arms you have no hands and no fingers and no..elbows..or
forearms or..wrists.Damn its a struggle, how do i do it...?!?!anyways,
how is wings replacement to them?poor birdys, HOW?-supadingit
there are lots of people who get by without arms... and i don't
hear them complaining... so stop your whining...
will i ever touch
a fake boobie?
a fake one? why the hell would you want to touch a fake one when
there are plenty of real ones to touch instead?
First, I would like
to thank you for the advice that you gave me the other day. Unfortunately,
I had no idea what the term " masturbate " meant let
alone how I was supposed to do it more often ( pure thoughts remember
). In search of an answer, I asked a pal who explained to me that
masturbating is " flogging the dolphin " or " spanking
the monkey ". Now, I don't know any dolphins, but ... well,
you're a monkey and ... I'll just come right out and say it ...
may I spank you? And are you sure that this will pervert my thoughts
yes you can... and it will pervert you in many ways... i will
then show you how to properly masterbate and you can show a certian
someone else that doesn't know how
DC, why do people
feel the need to always tell me that i'm going to spend eternity
in hell unless i "repent my sins and turn from my wicked
ways"? why the hell can't they all just leave me alone?!
they're rude like that... tell them to SHUT UP
When can I close
my eyes again?
NEVER or the clowns will eat you
Why do I see purple
monkeys when I close my eyes?-eevil tie ninga
is this a bad thing? we all see them
When I fall through
the floor, why do I and up just falling out of the ceiling again?
that's what happens in cartoon worlds... if you don't want that
happening then i'd suggest you stay out of them
I'm just slightly
confused by Marilyn Manson's music. Maybe it's the "Strap-Ons"
attached to his forehead, or maybe it's him acting like a whore
on stage, or is it the odd and sexual theme to his lyrics. Just
looking at him throughout the years brings me to the question...
Why in mighty fuck is he still producing music ? How popular can
this flake be ? I, personaly, do not listen to the music for enjoyment,
but i am here to question why people have for so long. I can not
controll his somehow everlasting popularity popularity with hulking,surly,"depressed"
teenaged scum of today; therefore, I am to be doomed to watch
his retarted career continue , and all i can do is mope,whine,
and hope someone else has the same opinion as I do. Please tell
me you do ! -Dork
strap ons on his head? i've seen mickey mouse ears but not strap
ons... either way i like his music and his lyrics aren't all sexual...
i'd rather hear his music then a second of the drivel that is
being pounded out by the flavor of the month... if you don't like
it, don't listen... people still listen to ozzy and he's the same
thing... same with david bowie and any other performer... that's
what they are... performers... they put on a show and entertain...
who is making you watch him? no one... not like the bullshit of
brittney etc that is crammed down our throats by tv... radio and
media... so in closing NO I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU...
How did Ah-nohld
win the election, was it seriously just because of popularity
of course...do you REALLY think that people win because they'd
do a good job???
what's the point
of cabbage? big dave
there is none that i'm aware of besides to make me ill
can you meke a sock
monkey out of a mitten? although i realise that would be a a mitten
monkey. What about a glove? or a scarf? can i ask more than one
question in a question? what will u do if i cant? why cant my
lecturer get a life? why do i like monkeys so much? can i go now?
a mitten monkey... hmmm... that'd be interesting... as for your
lecturer, they're actually a robot and monkeys are great fun so
most people like them
right.... i have
managed to look at my ass without a mirror by bending over backwards
and doing this wierd jumpy thing, does that mean: 1)my dog smells
of carrots 2)my dad is an australian pole dancer 3)i now have
a strange problem with my back that only a kangaroo with wings
and cabbage smelling BO can cure Damien_gothic
the answer is obviously 3
So, for the past
few years we've been using see-through sheets as curtains for
the rooms downstairs (well, two of them anyway). My mom is always
saying that she will buy some curtains...but it has yet to happen.
Today, she was talking about buying some again--but is she really
going to? McDiablo
i think she's trying to hint that she has no idea which to get
so i say you just go get them for her and end this
My sister and I are
looking into a school called the Art Institute. When you abbreviate
that, it becomes A.I. Should we pretend that we're interested
in developping artificial intelligence that will take over the
world? Maybe people will worship us. That would be kind of cool..
that sounds pretty damn cool... sign me up too
Would you prefer
to smash a pumpkin or stab it a bunch? McDiablo
can't i stab it and then smash it? why should i be denied either?
Nov 3 /03
this girl keeps staring
at me... its creepy-although she might be staring at the invisible
person behind me but i thought i was the only person that could
see him... the other day i found a 13 magazine in her backpack.
should i change skools, tell her to fuck off, or ask her friend
i say do all of the above and also send me some pizza cuz damn
i have a craving for it right about now
DC, should i stay
home this halloween and pass out candy to little brats who don't
even bother to say "thank you", or should i dress up
as some scary-as-hell-nightmareish-kid-hating-beast and jumps
out of trees screaming at the little brats, and taking their candy
when they run away crying? i just can't decide what to do...what
do you think? -Ripper
scare the hell out of them... i mean... why be like everyone else
and give them candy? i hope you enjoyed doing that, and be sure
to send me some candy too
Why would Bill Gates
name his company after two negative characteristics of his member?
Wouldn't this be harmful to one's fragile male ego? ~ Blonde n
not everyone thinks about their dick all the time... most of the
time, but not all
What's the most
pissed off you've ever been at the government, and what did you
do about it? ~ Blonde n Gagged
when they took well over $10,000 in taxes in a single year...
and i bitched about it a lot... that will show them
hey, what have i
well we had the staff party, the 'visitor appreciation' party
and took hay rides around the parking lot...
Did you carve a pumpkin
for Hallowe'en? If you did, what did you carve on it? McDiablo
actually this year there was no pumpkin carving... how deprived
I prefer taking night
courses for some reason...7-9:50 (why they don't go to 10pm, I
have no idea). Today I was thinking that, damn, they go pretty
late. I mean, some people are in bed when I'm still in class.
What is it that makes night classes so appealing, do you think?
well some people learn better at the end of the day... plus you
know then that you'll have none of those perky morning people
that try to sit beside you and act all happy etc... that's just
The weather here
is so weird. We had a drought in the summer and terrible forest
fires, now there are floods. What the heck is Mother Nature up
it's out to get rid of those stupid things that are infesting
it.... wouldn't you?
dont you get a headache
answering these questions? leigh
sometimes yes but only if i'm squinting at the screen
do you know your
IQ rate? leigh
way back in highschool it was 136 but i have no idea what it is
now that i've smartened up
Do the dirty socks
run rampant on people's feet or are they dirty enough to run on
their own? - Mzebonga
most can do both actually... and who the hell are you to stand
in their way with your fancy socks?
Happy Halloween !
.... no socks ?
i have socks on... and yea it was a fun halloween weekend
What would you do
if i said NIGGER !?
well if you were reading out of an older book that used that then
i'd expect the rest of the story to follow...
Can poop fly? What
if it could? Would it just fly out of your ass and hit some innocent
bystander and kill them? BS(bullshit)
yes poop (aka shit) can fly... and yes that's exactly what happens
sometime... haven't you had that happen to you yet?
So, were there any
weapons of mass destruction, or was it just an excuse?
it's all an excuse to do whatever the hell they want
Okay one time i was
trying to commit suicide by jumpin out of a window and I landed
on I bunch of poeple so it broke my fall and i didn't die. The
next time i tried i tried to hang myself and the rope i used came
undone when i put my neck in the noose. When I tried to slit my
own wrists the knife went dull and i couldn't fine the thing you
use to sharpen it. EVERY TIME I TRY IT DOESN'T WORK!! Why can't
i kill myslef? -the queen of all things dark and twisted
how about you put that energy into serving me? i'd like some pizza...
the kitty litter needs cleaning and my truck needs gas put in
why have you been sending me telepathic messages urging me to
kill Britney Spears? Why now?
i've been sending them the whole time but i think your mom was
getting them instead of you
why am i having a
head ache? leigh
you're not sitting up properly...
what's the most stupid
thing you've done while you we're drunk? leigh
if i could remember then i'd tell you... i can show you some scars
though that are probably related to a few drunken incidents though
could it be that
the wall is actually spinning around and not me? and why is it
that my hands are shaking? leigh
damnit you're drunk again aren't you? why is it you have to be
drunk to send me questions?!
what does the DC
stand for in DCshoecousa????
I know my
neighbour's cat wants to kill me. I try to postulate what his
plans might be, but the little bastard is always one step ahead
of me! For example, yesterday I saw him eating vomit off of the
sidewalk. Do you have any idea what message he is trying to send?
i say you just give up and turn yourself into the cat now... it's
the only way your death will be quick...
If more people started
walking on their hands instead of their feet.. would they make
shoe's for hands? -infinityw00t
of course... have you seen the sort of shit on the ground? you
don't want your hands or feet on that
wat did u do for
halloween? - the jag man
well went over to julie and reds to hang out... poptart came down
this weekend from ottawa so we hung out with him from saturday
on... that was fun
i had a lot of fun
scaring the children this year. i even made a satanic pentacle
with fake blood and put a bloody baby shoe near it. ahh, the fun
of it all. anyway, on to my question. if people pick up a seashell
and say "i can hear to ocean", do fish pick up things
like cans, license plates (you know, junk that stupid people throw
into the ocean) and say "i hear the land"? -Ripper
good job! i'm very proud of you
Well, I'm back to
being the stocking kid at ye olde chocolate store for Christmas.
At the time I wrote this question, it is November 3. Is it wrong
that they were playing Christmas music in the mall already? McDiablo
they ARE? that sucks... yea i've been seeing pissmas stuff appearing
everywhere... it SUCKS... i was just telling mzebonga how much
i hate pissmas... grrrrrrrr
Why does my creative
writing teacher want Miss Roger's Sweater to include "more
tampons" in her poem? (She wrote one about her period) McDiablo
i'd be very concerned... that's disturbing... and i'm sure she's
talented and all... but do not share the poem with us
Why was that guy
sitting on the bench so bitter? McDiablo
birds peck at his head and he's finally snapped
were is ted with
my chocolate?You'd think the fire would have burned down the pizza
factory by now..
sometimes fire likes to take it's time... you know how it is...
and then when you want it to go away... it eats your house
Oh no!do you think..you
think it could be so..uhh nooo ohhh...has ted been killed by that
stray horse on the loose?-0supaDiong
damn horses... THAT is why they need their own country to run
around in... how long must this violence continue
mister mighty good
looking man..makes you jelous, sick or does it stir something
in your pants?-supadingit
you're drunk again aren't you?
there is a contagious
headache in my household...owww it hurts me...whhyy? oh the devil!!
whhyy?????grrr better not be that dirty monkey... *gasp*my dog
is hiding behind the couch and it has claustophobia!that bitch!ooooo..my
head hurts..whyyy??is it the dog?
its the dog... take some pain killers (from a new unopened bottle)
and once you're better... take him for a walk and leave him tied
to a tree somewhere
yum grapes are on
special at dominion..yum, you shop at the dominion??I highly recommend
and by the way were do you live in canada?my bets is on the yukon,
your lingo is a dead givaway.
the yukon? no... haven't been there either... i'm near toronto
Have you ever had
an homoerotic experience that come onto you by surprise and ended
awkward and made you never speak to that person again?Evertime
he saw you hed stare and so would you and you'd get a queezy feelin
because you know what happened...?and youve never felt more insecure
about my sexuality before.. nothing is ever the same and you fuck
girl after girl...only to feel emptier and emptier... you tell
yourself you dont love him... but you dont know if what you feel
is just friendship "love"well hypathetically...have
no i haven't but i think you should address these feelings you're
having and maybe talk it out with him... so you like guys better
then girls... deal with it... then go get that guy or another
Hi DC, Hows life?
I've got a new email it's <email removed>I was having heaps
of trouble with my hotmail email so I said fuck you I'm leaving
going some place better. I haven't heard from Mzebonga in a while
so if he sees it he can email me thats if DC doesn't remove my
email. You can email me too DC it would be nice to hear from you.
Heaps of hugs because I haven't seen you in a while because I'm
a lousy friend, Sally.
welcome back sally! i forwarded your email address to mzebonga...
i'll email you when i get a moment this week as things are busy
right now... how is angelina doing?
can you explode if
you light your fart up and it backdrafts?
oh yes... it's happened many times before
the cats have taken
my cheese Why?!!!!! thatthinguywhois
oh you know why...don't act like you don't
do you know why the
united states government and the freemasons and illuminati are
taking orders from the cats, and molesting little birds in afghanistan
and bosnia, trying to eat all the souls of the fragrant elephants
in the ghetto, at the same time as masturbating in public? do
they really think they are fooling us?
the cats have NOTHING to do with the US... let's get that straight
kate weird? does she hate me? does liz love good charlotte more
than kate? who loves good charlotte more...amy? mun? nazia?kate?
or liz? please answer me they are arguing about it
all of you SHUT UP
DC The Almighty...
hear my plea. I need advice on whether I should throw the boyfriend
out of the house, or just tough it out until I have enough money
to move and start life over. (It's not abusive or anything.) I
trust your answer Almighty Sock Monkey.
throw him out... nothing is gained by keeping him around... give
him a few weeks but BYE BYE
How many licks does
it take to get to the tootieroll center of a tootsie pop ? This
is an age old question I'm sure alot of people would love to know,
if you could answer this for me, many would bennifet from it.
Just think of all the advandces in medical science this could
it takes 3855 licks... prove me wrong
Wtf? The questionnaire
and whatif results are up (quite a speedy job, I might add), but
my answers are nowhere to be found. Did you delete them because
you hate me? FartMonkey
i emailed you and told you how to send in your answers... i'm
not sure what happened to them as i didn't see any so maybe you
were just dreaming you answered them...
Why did SAnimal
stop answering questions just after I discovered that I could
ask them? And what did I miss? Why do people pick on him? I like
him! ( holds breath and prepares for a tongue lashing ... on second
thought, that sounds rather sexy! )
i think he finally realized how much he sucks... so you didn't
miss much... and people pick on him because it's just one of those
things that you enjoy doing for some strange reason... and come
here.. i'll give you a tongue lashing alright
Ack!! The Mormon
missionaries just knocked on my door!! Help me, DC, help me!!
What do I do?? What do I do?? <breaks down, sobbing> -Ripper
you pretend your not home and if that doesn't work then you run
outside naked screaming about how you're satan and you want to
eat their brains
to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng
is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset
can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the
wrod as a wlohe. Inertsetnig rhigt?
oh you're just too original... i mean... this hasn't been forwarded
to everyone by spamming friends or posted on newsgroups or anything....
why do we live?
so we can die
it didnt work..the
missionaries just stared at me and laughed. then they threw one
of their mormon bibles at me. i said it burned when it touched
me and they laughed even harder. what jackasses, dont you agree?
or am i just crazy and deserve to be laughed at? -Ripper
well they are jackasses... but then again you do deserve to be
laughed at... how about i laugh at you and you kick their asses...
Will you ever give
it's happened once before... so maybe it will happen again sometime...
I cut out britney's
head from a large poster and attached it to a piece of cardboard
for a new dartboard. I still feel like I'm doing something wrong
though, because it's still a picture of britney hanging in my
room. Does it being a dartboard clear me of the charges that I
no actually it doesn't... the only time it's ok to have it up
is when you're actually using the dartboard... if you aren't using
it then take it down so her stupid face isn't up there staring
What would possibly
compel a guy to ask, in the middle of an otherwise friendly, normal
conversation, what it feels like when a girl has her period?
well maybe he has been thinking about it lately and instead of
just opening the conversation with that question... he waited
until the middle of it... as long as he asked nicely and doesn't
appear to be deriving any sort of sexual pleasure from the answer
then i don't see the harm in it
At my school, there
is a mini art gallery in one of the buildings. I often go in there
and look at the exhibit...and this time it's pretty--well, interesting
and gruesome. There are large coloured photographs of animals
that have been hit by cars. Some are very graphic--like, the animal's
insides have become their outsides. What would your reaction be
if you walked into an art gallery expecting some abstract shit
and saw...well, THAT? McDiablo
i'd be slightly amused and slightly disturbed... in all i'd be
happy it's not stupid watercolor flower paintings....
Since you seem to
be quite the cat lover, I assume that you have a pet cat. When
your cat is frisky, do you find that his/her fur appears to be
yes actually... the funniest is when she's angry and her tail
gets really puffy...
Is it considered
child abuse when your mother makes you hold the basket as she
puts lots of vegetables in it, thus making it very heavy and hurting
my arms and fingers? McDiablo
yes it is and you should make her buy you presents so you don't
turn her abusive ass in...
DC, my aunt wants
me to take my nephew to see CarrotTop (fucking scary asshole).
she says that i should take my nephew because i am the only female
she trusts him with (go figure), and he really wants to go see
CarrotTop. What should i do?? I've considered suicid bombing the
venue just to rid the earth of that stupid annoying red-headed
irritation..should i do this, or should i just make his show miserable
and force him into retirement so he wont be able to bug anyone
i vote for killing him and getting it over with... no one needs
that sorta thing on stage for any period of time... that's torture...
any way you can stop him is good
What are the ingredients
in a "Twinkie" ? It's kind of like a small "cream"
filled cake , but then again, it looks like something that grows
behind your couch when you leave too many used tissues behind
your couch for a long time. -Off
baby puke... sugar... ground up garbage... more sugar
Buttt Monkey award
goes to "Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the
rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed
it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter
by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Inertsetnig rhigt?" for
the fact that it was stolen off the BogGoblin forum. What a fucker,
no? - Mzebonga
i know you're brialliant and all... but somehow i doubt that you
came up with it yourself...
Did you think it
would be funny to give no "Good answer" awards for October's
What Ifs? You know good answers are the only thing that keep me
haha damnit so i forgot to update them with awards.. big deal...
um... yea so now they're there... sigh... shutup
What is the
decorous response to the question, " Who's your daddy "
the answer always is 'i'm not sure... why? what have you heard?
daddy is that you?'
are u inadvertantly
telling me to start an avril levigne hate group? why now and how
long have u been making the voices talk? Teh JAg man
if i was telling you to start up a hate group... there are many
other names that i would select from... start up a 'i love DC'
group and send me money... that'd be great... then you can do
what the other voices are telling you...
i have a sudden urge
to...ahh i lost it . what should i do now? The JAg man
do what i told you to do
I'm home alone. What
should I do? I've already spent the past hour dancing naked, and
now I want something else to do. FartMonkey
get out all the books, magazines and other paper products you
can find and have paper mache fun time...
My family, with the
exception of my father and myself, has become a ravenous gang
of ebay freaks. They talk to eachother in their little ebay codes
and keep using terms like "paypal" and "buy it
now", and feelings of hostility are rising within me. What
is to be done? FartMonkey
it's time to delete all their information ... or threaten them
with negative feedback and you'll get them NARU'ed
Doesn't Sanimal realize
it isn't a great loss for us that he's not answering questions
anymore? He only answered like three times, nobody's even going
to notice he's stopped. Is he pretending that he has better things
to do? FartMonkey
i think that since it's never updated... that maybe everyone just
got tired of pretending that he'll update them at some point...
i think it all boils down to being lazy and sucking a whole lot
The thing is due
tomorrow! I'll bet the place is closed, too. Why didn't I do it
before? Should I just fake my death and move to Canada now? FartMonkey
sure... next time plan things a bit better and don't be one of
those people that move here and expect everything to be handed
to you... and leave your guns at the border...
I was at petco the
other day and I wandered over to the cages with the lizards etc.
So I was looking at this cage of little green frogs, and in the
cage next to it there were all these crickets, and one cricket
walked right up to the wall of the cage and like 10 frogs started
launching themselves at the wall. They didn't seem to learn their
lesson, so they kept trying to eat the crickets through the plastic.
Then the cage above them appeared to contain nothing, but upon
closer inspection, contained a spider as big as my face. Don't
you hate spiders? And don't you hate that feeling you get when
you think about spiders, where it feels prickly like there are
spiders all over you? FartMonkey
nice of the pet store to tease the frogs... and i don't care too
much for spiders... though the ones that are as big as my face
scare the shit out of me...
DC, you are almost
a advice column except you are dangerously insane and should either
be institutionalized or put into public office, being as you are
just a sock monkey, why do you think ppl trust your humble if
twisted opinion, or are they just crazzyyee?, or am i crazy for
even thinking that ppl trust your opinion? by the way the squirrrels
are behind the cats as rulers of the universe the cats just rule
the earth thatthinguywhois
being institutionalized sounds like fun but only if i still get
to update this website and have my computer... as for the public
office... that doesn't sound fun at all unless i get to run people
over in the streets... yes you are crazy, but that's a whole different
topic that we can discuss later during visiting hours... and no
the squirrels are not behind the cats as rulers... they're just
I really don't have
any homework to do for English this week. This strikes me as odd.
What am I going to do in the meantime? What is free time??!! McDiablo
free time is the time you use to throw things at kids... get slurpees
and complain to miss rogers sweater that she's too busy to even
hang out here anymore...
What is up with the
music that is played in the mall I work at? Sometimes they play
Christmas music...then 'soft rock'...then Good Charlotte and,
right after that, Shania Twain. McDiablo
they're trying to turn everyone's minds into mush... MUSH!
Well, earlier you
said you had to milk a bag of doritos "quickly" , but
what about a bag of SALSA doritos HMM ? How do you do that one
smart guy !? -is that a bannana in your pocket or are you just
happy to see me-
those you don't milk at all... instead you send them off to santa
and he'll take care of them for you
S, O, ellvee spells
Solve, how do you spell winchester ? -is that a bannana in your
pocket or are you just happy to see me -
what the hell are you talking about?
What wopuld you do
if I gave you a dirty SANCHEZ ???? 'ey ?? Neu'eve
Why do people always
use =),8),^_^, or :) to express happyness while chatting or anything
else that has to do with communication over typing ? The real
question here is what EXACTLY equals ) ?
) = smile mouth... and the only way those things are ok is if
they get turned into real face icons but then again they're all
annoying so death to the smileys
DC, i would honored
if you laughed at me while kicking the missionaries' asses! anyway,
my computer keeps making this weird clicking sound. every time
i try to type something, the stupid machine starts clicking at
me! why is it doing this?? could it possibly be morse code from
the little men inside it, or am i just hearing things? -Ripper
last time someone had that problem... it was because they were
piling keyboards on top of keyboards.. then again... maybe i'm
lying and that never happened at all.. it's hard to tell sometimes...
so for now just believe that you're hearing things and maybe it
will all be ok... maybe....
my little brother
(he's 12) has recently started acting and talking like a gangster/rapper.
it wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't white, and it's starting to
piss me off. what should i do?! -Asylum
well white or not it's not enjoyable... i mean REALLY... a 12
year old gangster? how stupid is that... i say you slap him really
hard in the back of his head until that stupid sideways hat flies
off his head
i have a friend who
i belive is loosing his marbles, so much so that he is unable
to function in his own world much less in the world of others.
he's a dear old friend, he's the one who said "fuck human
conclusion, human delusion!". he ask why no one will talk
to him? but when we attempt comunication he simply yells to leave
him alone. i belive that poeple have the right to live in their
own world as long as they dont violate the rights of others, but
my friend dose not seem happy in his new world. so i ask should
i try to help my friend even though he wants to be left alone
or leave him be as he wishes? i do not belive he really wishes
to be left alone but then again who am i to say what he really
wants? what do you suggest i do? sincerely--db"_"
well if he doesn't seem happy even when left alone in his world
then that's shitty and i'd try to help him feel more happier in
his new world... maybe send him some pizza? that always makes
me feel better
would you rather
be forgotten or rememberd? i rather be forgotten because even
when you are rememberd you arent rememberd as yourself as their
interpretation of you, do you agree? reality is preseption.--db"_"
well it doesn't matter really as we'll all be forgotten at some
point... there is no such thing as forever when it comes to humans
how many times where
you dropped on your ehad as a baby? - chocolatez
none that i'm aware of... but then again... i don't remember that
much from then
do you have cooties?
well i've checked and it seems that the cootie collar is working
what do smurfs taste
like? - chuckroast
a bit like blueberries but more like cherries
are some people such scumbags? I was waiting for the train the
other day when out of the blue this guy walks up to me and asks
if I want to suck his friend's dick. What the hell is that?! Do
my heavy winter jacket and mittens scream " inquire here
about free blow jobs? " ? I just stood there and stared at
him like an idiot till he got bored and walked away. What should
I have done?
i think what you did was good... if you're trained in martial
arts then i would have said 'no baby i wanna suck yours but you'll
have to pay me first'... then again you'd have to judge the crazy
look in his eyes... sometimes that sorta stuff doesn't work out
so well when they whip out a hundred dollar bill and say 'is this
Some of the pictures
in the " from our drawings " section are really fucking
good! Who did them?
we're so very glad you like them... some are by jcp and some are
No, no, yes,
perhaps, and yes but you'd have to get me really drunk. What five
questions did I just answer? ( Go hard! I'm pretty much asking
for it! )
that's nice... thanks for coming out
i fall my whole life falshes before my eyes??
you're just one of those people who likes to live in the past
so stop it already and stop falling all over the place
i need advice for
chosing a high school, should i go to Lane Tech. , Von Stubeun,
go there during a normal school day and check out the parking
lot... if there are a lot of suped up cars then do NOT chose that
one... if there are a ton of idiot kids with their hats on sideways
hanging around looking stupid then do NOT go to that school...
pick one you can stomach for 4 years...
am i annoying you
no not yet
did my last question
go through? my computer went bung - sniff
well i don't see one with your name on it so you tell me
do people who work
for telemarketers get phone calls to ohter telemarketers?
you think they're people? i thought they were just annoying robots
designed to invade privacy
i was givin my cat some more hits from our bong, and well she
went crazy and swallowed my cellphone. If i put my cat's ass to
my ear can i still recieve my calls, or should i just get a spork
and gouge it out?
don't be so selfish... you're not so important that you can't
miss a few calls while your cat shits it out normally...
** :: soliloquy
:: I’m curious about these “sexual favors ” that DC talks about,
but lack the fiscal resources that he requires for them ... hmmm,
he is after all a sock monkey ... perhaps I could trick him into
a good groping... ** I just read your and Ripper’s comments about
Carrot Top in the last q&a and they totally reflect my view
on the subject ... so much so that I’m afraid people will conclude
that mine are a mere imitation. I’d like to state that my hatred
for that bastard child of a furball and a drag queen is legitimate
and absolutely, one hundred percent my own ... feel my chest if
you don’t believe me!
fine... bring it on over and i will...
Is there a wrong
time to just start busting a move? McDiablo
in the shower... it can be dangerous... oh... and funerals...
Why does that book
say it's 'restricted' in the USA and North America? Since when
did the USA become it's own continent? McDiablo
don't give them ideas! it's bad enough already... i'd complain
to whomever wrote that and demand it be fixed
How come teachers
in high school didn't cancel classes? Do teachers in college do
this because they know you are paying to get educated? McDiablo
yes... and you should demand your money back for that time...
do you think that a normal worker could just cancel their day
and still get paid?
how do i know that
this world that i inhbait is actually a world at all? how do i
know that i am actually a person? how do i know that i am not
simply a brain floating in a jar somewhere, hooked up to some
insane computer? how do i know that as i type this some lab technitian
is not recomending that i be terminated imediately? TheJman, (or
you don't know and will never know... now shut up or i'll give
your jar a good shake
Sockmonkey, I have
never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not
even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought,
and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against
many. Valor pleases you, so i ask you to grant me this one request.
Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!
praying? no no... just worshipping is fine... um it's a blur up
until revenge... and that's fun so yea
Why is it that all
guys want a big penis, don't they realize that after it gets so
big it is no longer useful? It can never fully get hard. It can
never fully go into a woman, or her mouth for that matter.
well first of all... not ALL guys want a big penis... but those
that do are stupid as they think that their dick is the only thing
they truly have to offer to the world... they should be sterlized
my friend and i always
get into an argument over whether or not carnies are really people.
i say they arent, he says they are. who's right?? -Asylum
some of them are... some of them are not... some of them are the
product of a merry-go-round horse and a real human... so i'm not
sure if they count or not
Why can't I just
finish highschool? Im 28
well... i'd suggest trying to focus a bit more... and showing
up to classes... and not throwing things at the teacher... or
saying 'WROOOOONG... in the REAL world this all amounts to NOTHING'
in the middle of class
Whats your favorite
hmmm... well i'd have to say snot... it comes in a varity of textures...
can be smeared on places... and doesn't stink like shit does...
logic behind your decision to be a vegetarian? Oh, and does getting
a monkey butt award make someone a priority when it comes to your
plans for global sterilization?
well i read some stuff and saw some stuff on the whole meat industry
etc and i decided that i didn't need to participate in any of
it... so i just don't eat meat and it's not hard to stay a vegetarian...
If there are two
men in my bathroom who insist on never leaving the toilet, what
should I do to encourage them to eat soap instead?
well if they never leave the toilet... then that means you have
to bring them food... feed them nothing but soap... if they don't
like it, they can leave
Should I kill the
lil bunnies and all dogs then sautee them in seafood sauce? To
present to our future Gods!!... my future leader..my future guidance
to replace this failure of one..This faceless hope-giver and nothing
more... or should i turn my head away from all religion in entirity?-the
cats have there claws scrapping my spine as a scratching post,
change bunnies and dogs to 'stupid humans' and a big YES to the
Now, see, what I
fail to see is why all of my friends seem to enjoy the company
of this ANNOYING little freshman girl. Can you tell me why? I
fail to see anything halfway interesting about some chick who
carries a smiley face umbrella like she's a six year old in Disney
Land. And why do they like her better than me? -ferretchick
they're stupid... find other people to hang out with...
You know how they
say money doesn't grow on trees? I don't know what they're on
about... take paper money for example- where does paper come from?
Exactly- trees. I do realise that the paper has to go to the printing
thing or whatever it's called to actually make it into legal tender,
so, oh... I just made a fool of myself. Ok, so maybe money DOESN'T
grow on trees... but the materials required to make it do. Apart
from coins, of course, seeing they're made of metal and all. Great
site, DC. Although reading all these letters often made me laugh
(sometimes resulting in falling off my chair and causing minor
injuries), my eyes now hurt like hell. Maybe sitting in the dark
whilst doing so was a bad idea. I'm going to go now... my sock
monkeys need attention. See? I took your advice, took them to
dinner and they love me for it! (I think sock monkey #42 has a
thing for me) By the way, I live in Northern Ireland, and I'd
like to know what the hell is up with the money over there in
the states. It's all the same size, so how do the blind know they're
not spending $20 on some twinkies and no one has the balls to
tell him? It's all the same color aswell! The treasury is so unimaginative
over there. Gibbo
i've found the same thing with their money... it all looks the
same and it's all so boring... then again... look at the states...
should we really expect anything interesting from them? no...
That 'Jack Asshole'
thing was...interesting. Should I just leave a random note like
that one someone's doorstep? What should I write on it? McDiablo
that's quite insane that this is going on... and yes you should...
just write whatever comes to you...
on T.V. are stupid, but why are they getting stupider each year?
well you're in canada so the problem is that there are 'baby boomers'
who are now over the age of 50 and since there are so many of
them, commercials and products are being aimed at them... in order
to get this stupid generation to buy things... they try to make
commercials that remind them of 'the good old days' or some other
sort of smiley faced nonsense that makes the rest of us want to
puke... the more they try to sell... the stupider the commercials
I was just told that
in Britain there is a proposal to lower the age of consent to
12 years old. What do you think of this? McDiablo
i think that's fucked up...
i like beer,but i
have no money to buy beer, how can i get beer?
you go and work... get money... then go get beer
if the mome wraths
and the borogroves fought to thier bloody deaths what would thier
combined bloody pulp taste like? smudge
it would taste a lot like bread with peanut butter
Hey, remember me??--Syko
yes... you're the one with the fancy name
i have neglected
the insane domain for months..do i get a spanking?--Syko Morgana
yes you do but you can't enjoy it as much as usual
what if you told
people you liked clams so for your birthday they bought you a
big tub of clams except only you knew that you were really allergic
to clams....would you refuse the clams or eat them and die? -ferretchick
refuse them and tell everyone that i liked money instead
what about the elephants
yea... WHAT ABOUT THEM? damn elephants
So I recently had a falling out with
my best friend, her favoring a younger friend as opposed to me,
not that she made any effort to be my friend
after meeting this new person. It was a savage fight, and it seems
that making amends is impossible and even if it does happen it'd
be awkward. I hate her new younger friend because she's annoying,
and I'd undoubtedly be forced to hang out with her if me and the
best friend made up. Any ideas on what to do? Make an effort and
make up or forget about it? I'm so confused.
well in order for you to be a good
friend you'd have to put up with her new friend or at least be
civil about it and if that isn't worth it then forget it... or
just leave it where you've made up but don't hang out anymore...
either way... get new friends
Who was the first
person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these
dangly things here and drink what comes out"? - ryan
some sick drunk freak who thought it might be fun
"Why does my
Sock Monkey Porn Star T-Shirt rock so much? why has it made me
so much more popular and cured my parkinsons?" - Empriss
that's just part of what it will do for you... you'll notice that
from now on your shit won't stink and you'll never lose your keys
Hey DC! I'm back..
where the fuck have i been? - Miss Roger's Sweater
welcome back... we heard rumors that you think you're smarter
then us now since you're in school... or did the books come here
and tell us that so that you'd be forced back to them when we
did my increase in
slurpee consumption fact in on the fact that i got sick? - Miss
it should have... slurpees are the unsung heroes of infectious
i went to a new clinic
today and they all spoke with an english accent.. what's with
that? - Miss Roger's Sweater
maybe it was 'english accent day' there... maybe next time it
will be 'spanish speaking' day
DC DC DC DC Why are
the gnus (who, i might mention are fairly new) eating each others
scar tissue? (Why can't I have some?)thathinguywhois
well in order to let you eat theirs... you have to first supply
some scar tissue of your own... you can't get anything for free
that "jack asshole"
thing is hilarious!! i got one of those a few weeks ago..except
it kept telling me that i had better "watch my back or i
would be sorry". nobody believes me that some random person
put it in my mailbox..why don't they believe me, DC?? why!!???
<sobs,coughs,chokes,shifty eyes> -Asylum
well you have to admit that you wrote it to yourself... and those
who know you know your handwriting so you're not fooling anyone...
also, the shifty eyes gave you away
Why won't the Cat
in the Hat visit my house? I mean, it's not that I have too much
fun or no fun at all...but I need to steal his hat somehow. McDiablo
you have to lure him with toronto maple leaf tickets... oh wait
he's got some... ummm... well then something hockey related...
be sure to remind him to bring his hat so he doesn't leave it
at home which would render your plan useless
My mom fed my cat
this morning and she ate all her food right then and there. Is
it safe to say that she was pigging out? McDiablo
oh yes... that happens
Will I pass Geography,
or was I not meant to pass courses like...that? McDiablo
sure you were meant to pass it unless it's about a certian large
country that sucks a lot located below our country...
i'm happy there's
no more "ask SAnimal", aren't you? -Ripper
well i could care less... really
why the hell is there
only one female smurf?? -Asylum
the rest are in denial... and if you watch donnie darko it will
tell you where smurfette came from
could i send you
a coffee mug for xmas? -MorbidJester
sure... as long as there are no hearts on it... i'd
welcome any gifts and if you leave a return address i might
mail stuff back....
What is the best
way to get revenge on your jackass enemies whlie remaining anonymous?
(If you don't know can you recommend some sites that can tell
well that all depends on how you define revenge... here
are some ideas that can be used... although i don't know how
well you can stay annoymous doing them... leaving insane letters
is also a good idea as
*Realmo-K* Religion is cruel because it pray's on naive and inseccure
people. After all don't you think it's strange how almost all,
if not all religions basically state that if you follow this religion
you will have a peacfull after life. And it's not possible they
can be all true because they contradict each other. I also think
it's stange how thousands apon thousands of years ago all this
super-natural, freaky shit happened (example:turning water into
wine) but in recent times this stuff is un-heard of. What the
fuck is going on!!!!!!!!!! do you agree with my little theory?
religion was created by humans... so of course it will never make
sense... you would think that millions of people believing in
a 'loving god' would treat each other a bit better... but what
is the main cause of killings and wars? religion... so it comes
down to humans being cruel and using religion as an excuse to
be shitty to each other
why people should
feed the ducks?
what people SHOULD be doing is giving me
im not bubbly wat
can i do?
stay just the way you are... bubbly is annoying
i've been trying
to find a copy of donnie darko somewhere ('ve been to every video/electronics
store in my town) but have been unable to find it! what should
i do? i was thinking about assuming the fetal position and crying
the next time someone says "i'm sorry, we don't carry that
movie. but feel free to look at our wide selection of other great
movies! have a nice day!". should i do that? -Asylum
i think that will work just fine until you can find one online
and get someone to buy it from you if you don't have a credit
card of your own...
woohoo! would you
like a really big coffee mug so you can have lots and lots of
coffee without having to get up for refills? -MorbidJester
sure that'd be great as long as it's not pink or yellow
Two girls caught
25 frogs. Lisa caught four times as many as Jen did. How many
frogs did Jen catch?
If I am here without
you why are you still on my lonely mind? Dammit, solitary just
doesn't work for me. - 9-92
learn to play mah johng then or however the hell that game is
i have a 2 part question
for you today: 1) what is the price of the average adult human
soul on the open market these days, 2) what is the exchange rate
like these days between them and the average infant/unborn human
soul. and any advice you can give me to help me invest would be
deeply apreciated (other than buy low, sell high of course).
1 i have no idea but i don't imagine it's worth much anymore...
ask FOX tv.... 2 see answer one
this year for halloween
i dressed up as the crow but everyone identified me as eather
alice cooper or a wrestler named the stinger (i think, i don't
watch wresteling, and i seldom pay atttention to them). i could'nt
kill them or make them suffer, because they had not contributed
to my death or the misery i suffered in the afterlife. so my question
to you is this: what can i do next year to make sure that everyone
recognises me as the crow (so i don't have to tell them who i
am supposed to be), and how can i punish those who don't?
i say that next year you move away to a place where there are
cool people that know of movies like the crow... or wear a sign
that says 'i am the crow, you know, that movie?'
where can i find
a good, easy to use and free (most important thing) interface
that will allow me to stab people through the internet? i need
it for... umm... stuff, and , well... i gotto go.
if i knew that... then i would be selling it for a dollar to everyone
via SPAM email... that would show you ALL!
if crows carry the
souls of the dead, then why do they always congrigate on the powerlines
in front of my house? they have been doing it for years and no
one here has died yet, i'd have thought that if they were expecting
a pasenger it would have happened by now. and if they are waiting
for me or someone i know then why are there so many of them? there
were at least 10 or 20 last time i checked, and i have seen as
many as 50 or 60.
if you were carrying around souls of the dead, you'd have to rest
every once in awhile... you should be glad they are just there
to rest... just keep your worm and soul collections out of view
and everything will be fine
now i have no problem
with christmas in and of it's self, however it pisses me off to
no end when they start putting up the decorations before they
even start with the haloween stuff, and then leave it up after
new year. do you have any suggestions on what we the people can
do about it? it has to be pretty far reaching and wide spread.
my idea is that people can have a month before hand to set it
up, and a week afterwards to take it down (sound resonable?) but
i have no idea how to get others to do it, especially the businesses
that get so much mony by extending the season aslong as possible.
tear them down and cry... no one likes to deal with a crying person...
who is better: bill&ted
or wayne&garth? who is cooler? who would win in a fight? what
if they had no access to any sort of help or tools or weapons
well i'd have to go with wayne and garth... for all answers...
what do you think
about todays superheros such as The Tick, Earthworm Jim, and The
Ripping Friends? how do they measure up against the more classicle
super heros in you'r book?
i do not like them... they annoy me greatly... the tick is just
wrong... wrong i say wrong
why are the neighborhood
dogs telling me to kill prostitutes?
damned dogs... you should hear what they're trying to get me to
do now... just do not start listening to them because it's NEVER
good enough for them... they'll just demand you do more and more...
ok, we all know that
the cats are going to take over the universe, that's a given.
and we all know that they can't be stoped. my idea, however, is
to hide from them, i have the underground complex fully constructed,
it has a fully self suficient ecosystem to provide food, air and
cleen water, there are suplies and machinery in case the ecosystem
breaks down, there is enough food and water and oxygen stockpiled
to last for over 100yrs into the forseeable future, there are
geothermal setups to provide power and springs to provide new
water, there is room to grow as well as digging/construction equipment
to provide new chambers as the population increases, my word is
already law, and i have already picked most of the 500 people
and animals to join me and become the last of the free human race
(the animals will be human enough when i am through with the selective
breeding programs) as well as plans in the works to breed a superior
human that may one day be able to overcome the cats and free the
rest of humanity (which will then be genetically reengineered
to level the playing field with my superior people). my question
to you is what non-esential items we should bring. i would also
like to know if you would like to join us. if so, then you must
prove your worthyness by finding us, and prove your loyalty with
something i will think of later. but tell me now if you want in
so we can save you a seat.
sure i'll stick around... do i get my own little pod? that'd be
great... be sure to bring some music and coffee... oh and shiny
things... they come in handy...
if there can be only
one, then what happens if it comes down to a point where there
are two left, but they can't get to or find eachother?
well then there is more then just one and they will have to live
in ignorant bliss thinking they are the one until one of them
dies and the other truly becomes the one
why is it that when
you scratch in front of the base of a cat's tale the back end
go's straight up"
well sometimes it turns them on... and other times it's because
it feels good to have it scratched as they can't scratch it themselves...
years ago at school
myself and by two friends (billy and joel) saw this flyer which
said that this new young comedian who called himself "carrot
top" would be doing a free show later on in the week. when
we finished reading it we were all strangely compelled to reach
out and tough the flyer. as soon as we did, we flashed foreward
and saw the future. we saw what he would become. we saw his rise
to power, and we saw how everyone would have to watch him just
about everytime they turned on the tv. we saw his evil. and all
at once, the three of us understood. we decided that we had to
do something and so we put a plan into motion.
we kept watch of the flyer in shifts (there were no others that
we knew of) incase someone else had the same experience as we
did. the thinking was that they might be willing to help, but
it never happened. all the while though we were planning and studying
the layout of the auditorium. we knew every inch, and we knew
that we would never get close enough to be discreet. so we checked
the ventilation systems and the cat walks and the lighting rooms,
and anything else we could find that would give us the proper
vantage points untill we found the perfect ones, and worked out
our entry and escape plans. we knew that we would likely not all
make it out of there, but that was'nt important, "the needs
of the many outweigh the heeds of the few."
joel had managed to get us three .35cal longs with bipods and
scopes, while i had made us each a detachable supressor (any idiot
can make one, and we had been practicing enough to be able to
compensate for the way they would alter the trajectorys). we kept
in comunication through the use of headset walkietalkies (altered
to work outside the usual frequencies) and used a rudimentary
code billy had devised.
when the time came we were already equiped and at our posts. i
was stationed on the catwalk along the back wall, it had fallen
into disrepair in recent years and was in the process of being
restored so there was noone else on it, and i could hide amoung
the stuff the crews had left there for the night. billy was in
one of the air ducts looking out of a vent above stage right,
while joel was in the old left stage lighting booth (also empty
due to repairs) about twenty feet above the crowd. we knew that
triangulated fire was almost onehundred percent effective so the
plan was that we would all cound down together 5-4-3-2-1-bam!
but there was a problem, we started the count togther, but after
three, joel stoped responding. billy and me called off the count
and tried despretly to figure out what was wrong with joel, but
he just would'nt respond. after a few minuts we figured out what
had happened; looking over at him with my binocs (the others had
not brought them) i saw that his safty was on and his clip was
out, yet he had his scope firmly locked on to something. i followed
his line of sight to just behind the right stage curtain there
was this hot freshman chick who odviously had him under her spell.
she almost got me too, but i was able to pull my eyes away just
intime to keep myself from getting permanently transfixed. i signaled
to billy that it would be up to us to do it ourselves, but i got
nothing but static in reply. you see, while i had been looking
at joel and the chick, billy had kept his eyes on karrottop and
aparently it got to him. as i looked over i saw that he had pulled
his mike away from his mouth and was quietly vomiting down the
vent. he still had his earpiece on so i tole him to hold off as
his hand would'nt be steady after such a tremendous episode. and
then there was just me.
i counted down in my head as i folowed him with the rifle. i had
him deadbang, 5-4-3-2---- then i stoped. he was nearing the end
of his act (someone who had already seen had told us how he ended
it) and i was running out of time, but i stoped. he bent over
to pull something out of his bag, ruining my shot. it was a pair
of clips which he proceded to put in his hair, giving him pigtales.
then suddenly he was gone, replaced by wendy, and i could not
shoot. i knew it was an ilusion, but try as i might i could not
pull that damn trigger. i could not harm this sweet, redheaded
innocent. i could not make dave thomas cry. i could not hurt his
sweet little girl. i knew it was an ilusion, but i could'nt. and
that was his last bit, he walked off without removing the clips
and i was too soft to take a shot at him. one of the others might
have been able to do it, but they were both long since incopacitated.
it was becouse of us that he is still around today. we were given
a chance to stop him, but we failed. in the years to follow, we
tried to warn the world about what was to come but noone believed
us (i suppose i don't blame them though) and he became too powerfull,
and too well protected for us to strike down ourselves. and this
is why i tell you the story now. i beseach your guidence, what
should we do, what can we do to make up for our weakness those
many years ago. we have since grown stronger and harder, but he
is now just too powerfull and well protected. we need your guidence.
by helping us eliminate him, you will inturn help you'r self and
the rest of the world. plese, plese help me.
this was really long... how about next time you go to type in
so much, you instead spend that time taking the redheaded bastard
down... you've got to FOCUS... that's your problem...
when will my tea
not soon enough
did you know that
when the first conan movie came out a major toy company decided
to market conan action figures, but then when someone there actually
watched the movie they decided that they could not afford to be
associated with such sex and violence or to market it to kids,
so they decided to change the figure's hair to blond and changed
the name and invented heman?
i didn't know that and i've made sure not to remember it for the
so i hear you are
a vegitarian, because you con't want to participate in the meat
industry. i would be interested to hear then what you think about
this info then: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Mad_Cow.html
i think that's really interesting and everyone should go see...
my cat farted...it
stinks what should i do?
yell out ewwww and wave your arms around while making a face
From what I could
gather, Miss Roger's Sweater had forgotten to come back to this
site. How could she do something like that? I mean, really? McDiablo
well she did come back the other day unless it was you in some
sort of mental state where you thought that you were her...
What is with those
things that my preschool made us make and eat: celery sticks with
peanut butter in them and chocolate chips? I mean, do those things
really go together or did the teachers just like the sight of
kids vomiting? McDiablo
it sounds like it goes together... well minus the celery... celery
is just wrong
My mom likes to think
that Slurpees have aided my having an upset stomach during certain
times in my life. I think she is just wanting me to not buy so
many Slurpees. What do you think? McDiablo
i think she's jealous that she can't drink as many as you can...
Is it just me, or
is 95% of maths we learn at school just a complete waste of time?
(I'm pretty sure algebra was created to piss people off) I mean
seriously!!- when do we use any of the shit they teach us in every
day life? From ReAlmO-K
well i know that i have to use it in my job... but yea... 95%
seems about right
which band do you
think is better- deftones or system of a down? If you don't like
any off them what's your favourite band(s)/genre of music? ReAlmO-K
i'd prefer system of a down because i don't like the deftones...
i like a lot of music and i have no idea what 'genre of music
i like... here's some
of what i like
If adam and eve were
the first people on earth and they were white, how come there
are so many different races of people? (this question has bamboozled
me for years)
who said they were white? i don't recall anything saying that
they were... but anyways... it's just a story... a STORY... so
obvioiusly it's not true and if you have been questioning that
for years... you've got much bigger problems... oh and there is
NO santa claus either...
What do you do when
one roommate has horrible taste in music, and the other went from
playing the tuba terribly to playing the trumpet even worse?
you move the hell away before you snap and kill them all
Are cats really as
dumb as they seem to be? they have to be, only a moron would keep
doing the same things after they get the shit kicked out of them
for it. Harbinger
you better not be hurting cats or letting them get hurt... they're
better then humans
I found out something
really disturbing. When you write DC the insane sock monkey backwards
you get "yeknom kcos enasni eth CD". What do you have
to say to this DC?
i was hoping you would never figure it out... i must kill you
where are my keys?
under the bed... AGAIN... i told you about that...
DC!! they tricked
me!! they tricked me into eating meat! damn it, they tricked me!
what's going to happen now?? will i ever be forgiven? -CrucifiedAngel
nope... its straight to hell with you
My parents anniversary
is soon and I can't think of a good card..any thoughts? FartMonkey
draw the outline of your hand on the card and color it in... you
can't buy love like that
Have you ever paid
for sex? If so, how much was it? and who was it with?
no i haven't...
if a unicorn offewred
to sodamise you with her horn, while a lepracaune licks your ball
sack what would you say?
i'd have to say no... those horns do NOT look fun
what's your favourite
alcohol? and would you let me lick it off you in a seductive fashion?
from Drupert (realmo-k's other personality)
i don't really have a favorite... and wouldn't you lick off YOUR
favorite since you're the one doing the licking?
Do you think that
the new Prodigy album (being released shortly after new year)
will be a hit or will it be shit?
i have no idea... but when it does you can send me it and i'll
tell you what i think
i have to say the
good question award is looking really spiffy now. Dont you like
the word 'spiffy'? - SiNiSTaR
oh it is very spiffy... and spiffy is just a spiffy word
here's a popular,
annoying question that gets repeated all too foten: Are You on
Friendster? - SiNiSTaR
what the hell is friendster?
What are you supposed
to think when someone says to you, "hey, are you good at
handjobs?" I was helping some people make some crummy artsy
stuff with some hand-painting stuff and the dude asks me that
and i burst out laughing and he tells me not to get my mind out
of the gutter. sheesh - SiNiSTaR
but the gutter is so fun...
Ever played "Oddworld:
Abe's Exoddus" before? I suddenly got hooked on it and am
playing it like, constantly. Help meeeeeee - SiNiSTaR
no i haven't... send it to me... that will help you
Do you like fruitcake?
I hate fruitcake. People who eat fruitcake must be really strange.
Fruitcake is almost as heavy as the oven it is baked in, goddammit!
i hate fruitcake... it's horrible...
How many licks does
it take to win Tiki's favor?
Have you ever wondered
how they make cheerios? I mean, really, what's in them? And why
are they donut shaped? Do they really have tons of cholesterol?
Is this just another krispy kreme conspiracy? -ferretchick
i'm not in the cheerio biz... i say you look it up online and
let us know if it's interesting
Sometimes i wish
i had a bass, don't you? Then we could have a party where everyone
runs through the streets garroting others with their bass strings.
That'd be great...-ferretchick
it would be great actually
On my math book I
realize that it says for enjoyment and challenge. Is there some
alterior race of humans that enjoy doing math problems or is this
just their sick twisted idea of a joke? -ferretchick
yes there is actually... and they argue on newsgroups about 'theories'
... it can be quite scary at times as they call each other names
and throw around numbers