Oct 26/03

My internet connection was all wonky, so I unplugged my firewall for 30 seconds like a tech. guy once told us. It usually works after you do this, but I had to do it three times. Is my computer rebelling at last? McDiablo
yes it is... you better LOOK OUT

There was a really bright rainbow outside not that long ago. It was kind of cool. Do you think I should have looked for a pot of gold at the end of it? I'm kind of wishing I did now. McDiablo
yes you should have... why didn't you????

So, why is it that I puke for no apparent reason? It's gotten to the point where I've nicknamed myself the Unwilling Bullimic. McDiablo
well it could be due to something called acid reflux... try not having acidic foods all the time... have bread when you start to not feel so good... eat properly... exercise... ? i'm not yet a MD... MD DC... that'd be fun

why do people point to theire wrist when they ask for the time? sometimes it makes me want to say "i know where my watch is, dumbass...where the hell is yours?" it's like pointing to your crotch when you ask where the bathroom is. why do they do it? are they actually that stupid?? SilverJackal
ok damnit i've heard this before many times... it's been on tv and everything else said by different people... come up with your own stuff

OH YOUR SO FUNNY!how dooo you do it?-Zellouses
i just pull funny stuff out of my ass.. it's an amazing talent

Am I putting on the condom wrong, or is it supposed to turn blue like that?
uh thats not a condom... you really should hold off on 'sex' until you're at least smart enough to figure out what a real condom looks like...

i love u!!!! do u love me?!?!?!!!!
um... maybe later... i'll let you know

when u have to pee for a really long time and u keep on holding it in, does it make u feel horny? mariedk
no... no it doesn't

After seeing the adorable little monkey George Bush stumble through yet another speech I began to wonder how on earth this barely literate man got the idea to run for president. Then it hit me. The words "election" and "erection" are wonderfully similar, and could easily be confused up by a man whose worst enemy is any word with more than two syllables. My theory, Bush never wanted to be president, he, like his predecessor, merely wanted a blow job! What are your thoughts on this?
i think that you could have a valid theory... although i think if we follow the arm that is up his ass and making his mouth move... we may find out what is really going on

Those Hallowe'en sock monkeys rule! What can you people possibly think of next?! McDiablo
well it wasn't us who came up with it... jcps mom bought them for her...

What do you think of lists and list writing? McDiablo
well i'd have to say that for the most part i'm quite for them unless it's a TO DO list for me

I start work at a chocolate store in two weeks. I basically help out with the stock during the busy times (ie: Christmas and Easter). I have to start thinking about Christmas on November 3. This is going to make me angry, I know it. What can I do to hide this anger? McDiablo
carefully unwrap a random chocolate and lick it.. then wrap it back up and put it back.... that always helps me

Is pidge from voltron a girl or a boy? Thatthingguywhois
uh i have no idea...

Did elvis really die on a toliet? i think thats funny
i've heard that sort of thing... but don't know for sure... that would indeed be funny if it is true

Do you use frontpage? I'm trying to make a form on my site for people to send me stuff but it just sends you to your mail and makes you write a letter, which is stupid and unclassy. I'm stupid and unclassy, yes, but I just want my form to work properly. Actually this question needs a 5 page answer which I'm not going to get, so how about I ask you how the weather in Canada is instead? FartMonkey
used to use frontpage but have moved on to dreamweaver... there are tons of sites around that will tell you how to do what you need to do... do a search for frontpage resources... and the weather here has been a bit cold with some rain... but otherwise fine

whos the coolest guy around?-supadingit
jombi

have you ever taken part in drug intake?if so were? and if so how? and if so what type? and if so, is it a dependancy? or a living? or a social thing? or a replacement for the days without your precious internet?if you said no to all can i take it as a lie?do you have a opinon on drugs?...hmm i want your opinon DC...i demand your take and im pretty sure this isnt a survey-Supadingy
i've taken a few painkillers this week for neck/back pain... i took the pills in my apartment under the supervision of my cat... swallowed them... pills... not dependant... and if my friends wanted to come over and partake in my painkillers well thats strange but sure... my opinion on drugs is that no one should let a substance control their lives...

Oct 29/03

Is there really such thing as an inside-out pillowcase violation? McDiablo
in some households yes... so you better look over the rules

If you had a blank T-shirt and a bottle of fabric paint in front of you right now, what would you write on the shirt? McDiablo
do i have to wear the shirt then? if i had to wear it then i'd write nothing... if i don't have to wear it then i'd write DIE HUMANS

Has this 'put your clocks back an hour' thing thrown you off, too? McDiablo
it did briefly... now it's all ok

guess what? from joe momma!!!!!!!! hahaha, i'm a dick head.....and i dont even have a dick. hahahaha. it got cut off in a tragic accident when i was just a little boy.........who will ever have sex with me?
well judging from what you've written here... probably not anyone for a very long time

Does anything insanity and us run rampant? What other things might be running rampant at this moment? Wildebeast? IHOP? - Mzebonga
i'd shock you through your keyboard if i could for mentioning ihop... and dirty socks can run rampant with you and insanity

It says of Ver: "Responsible for getting my.theinsanedomain online! Oh yea, and JCPs husband." Did anybody notice that this can be read as "Ver is responsible for my.theinsanedomain.com and JCP's husband"? What happened to JCP's husband and how is Ver responsible??? Did he get drunk and run him down and now JCP has a husband in a wheelchair? Or is JCP's husband a mechanical creation of Ver's design? - Mzebonga
oh oh... i'll have to tell jcp that you've figured out her dirty secret... then she can explain it to ver using sock puppets

ooh..monkey! <giggles> sexy monkey..can i touch your tail? Ripper
sure

ive heard people talking behind my back yesterday it was odd and uncomfortable, they talked about me really disgusted and i havent even seen there faces before... it was in school so i guess you'd expect to hear things like that.but.. *sigh*... it was 2 people i walk by the side of who were female i believe i tryed to get ahead of them but we seemed to walk at the same pace so i dodged across them and as i did that they said"ugh she was right near us." "yes what a wierdo"...HUH?... people sure are strange..who the hell were they?
who cares? they obviously suck... and when you're out of school you'll never have to hear their bullshit again...

its hard to get around with arms..without arms you have no hands and no fingers and no..elbows..or forearms or..wrists.Damn its a struggle, how do i do it...?!?!anyways, how is wings replacement to them?poor birdys, HOW?-supadingit
there are lots of people who get by without arms... and i don't hear them complaining... so stop your whining...

will i ever touch a fake boobie?
a fake one? why the hell would you want to touch a fake one when there are plenty of real ones to touch instead?

First, I would like to thank you for the advice that you gave me the other day. Unfortunately, I had no idea what the term " masturbate " meant let alone how I was supposed to do it more often ( pure thoughts remember ). In search of an answer, I asked a pal who explained to me that masturbating is " flogging the dolphin " or " spanking the monkey ". Now, I don't know any dolphins, but ... well, you're a monkey and ... I'll just come right out and say it ... may I spank you? And are you sure that this will pervert my thoughts suitably?
yes you can... and it will pervert you in many ways... i will then show you how to properly masterbate and you can show a certian someone else that doesn't know how

DC, why do people feel the need to always tell me that i'm going to spend eternity in hell unless i "repent my sins and turn from my wicked ways"? why the hell can't they all just leave me alone?! <sobs> Zpider
they're rude like that... tell them to SHUT UP

When can I close my eyes again?
NEVER or the clowns will eat you

Why do I see purple monkeys when I close my eyes?-eevil tie ninga
is this a bad thing? we all see them

When I fall through the floor, why do I and up just falling out of the ceiling again?
that's what happens in cartoon worlds... if you don't want that happening then i'd suggest you stay out of them

I'm just slightly confused by Marilyn Manson's music. Maybe it's the "Strap-Ons" attached to his forehead, or maybe it's him acting like a whore on stage, or is it the odd and sexual theme to his lyrics. Just looking at him throughout the years brings me to the question... Why in mighty fuck is he still producing music ? How popular can this flake be ? I, personaly, do not listen to the music for enjoyment, but i am here to question why people have for so long. I can not controll his somehow everlasting popularity popularity with hulking,surly,"depressed" teenaged scum of today; therefore, I am to be doomed to watch his retarted career continue , and all i can do is mope,whine, and hope someone else has the same opinion as I do. Please tell me you do ! -Dork
strap ons on his head? i've seen mickey mouse ears but not strap ons... either way i like his music and his lyrics aren't all sexual... i'd rather hear his music then a second of the drivel that is being pounded out by the flavor of the month... if you don't like it, don't listen... people still listen to ozzy and he's the same thing... same with david bowie and any other performer... that's what they are... performers... they put on a show and entertain... who is making you watch him? no one... not like the bullshit of brittney etc that is crammed down our throats by tv... radio and media... so in closing NO I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU...

How did Ah-nohld win the election, was it seriously just because of popularity ?
of course...do you REALLY think that people win because they'd do a good job???

what's the point of cabbage? big dave
there is none that i'm aware of besides to make me ill

can you meke a sock monkey out of a mitten? although i realise that would be a a mitten monkey. What about a glove? or a scarf? can i ask more than one question in a question? what will u do if i cant? why cant my lecturer get a life? why do i like monkeys so much? can i go now? big dave
a mitten monkey... hmmm... that'd be interesting... as for your lecturer, they're actually a robot and monkeys are great fun so most people like them

right.... i have managed to look at my ass without a mirror by bending over backwards and doing this wierd jumpy thing, does that mean: 1)my dog smells of carrots 2)my dad is an australian pole dancer 3)i now have a strange problem with my back that only a kangaroo with wings and cabbage smelling BO can cure Damien_gothic
the answer is obviously 3

So, for the past few years we've been using see-through sheets as curtains for the rooms downstairs (well, two of them anyway). My mom is always saying that she will buy some curtains...but it has yet to happen. Today, she was talking about buying some again--but is she really going to? McDiablo
i think she's trying to hint that she has no idea which to get so i say you just go get them for her and end this

My sister and I are looking into a school called the Art Institute. When you abbreviate that, it becomes A.I. Should we pretend that we're interested in developping artificial intelligence that will take over the world? Maybe people will worship us. That would be kind of cool.. McDiablo
that sounds pretty damn cool... sign me up too

Would you prefer to smash a pumpkin or stab it a bunch? McDiablo
can't i stab it and then smash it? why should i be denied either?

Nov 3 /03

this girl keeps staring at me... its creepy-although she might be staring at the invisible person behind me but i thought i was the only person that could see him... the other day i found a 13 magazine in her backpack. should i change skools, tell her to fuck off, or ask her friend out? -napsterman666
i say do all of the above and also send me some pizza cuz damn i have a craving for it right about now

DC, should i stay home this halloween and pass out candy to little brats who don't even bother to say "thank you", or should i dress up as some scary-as-hell-nightmareish-kid-hating-beast and jumps out of trees screaming at the little brats, and taking their candy when they run away crying? i just can't decide what to do...what do you think? -Ripper
scare the hell out of them... i mean... why be like everyone else and give them candy? i hope you enjoyed doing that, and be sure to send me some candy too

Why would Bill Gates name his company after two negative characteristics of his member? Wouldn't this be harmful to one's fragile male ego? ~ Blonde n Gagged
not everyone thinks about their dick all the time... most of the time, but not all

What's the most pissed off you've ever been at the government, and what did you do about it? ~ Blonde n Gagged
when they took well over $10,000 in taxes in a single year... and i bitched about it a lot... that will show them

hey, what have i missed? leigh
well we had the staff party, the 'visitor appreciation' party and took hay rides around the parking lot...

Did you carve a pumpkin for Hallowe'en? If you did, what did you carve on it? McDiablo
actually this year there was no pumpkin carving... how deprived am i?

I prefer taking night courses for some reason...7-9:50 (why they don't go to 10pm, I have no idea). Today I was thinking that, damn, they go pretty late. I mean, some people are in bed when I'm still in class. What is it that makes night classes so appealing, do you think? McDiablo
well some people learn better at the end of the day... plus you know then that you'll have none of those perky morning people that try to sit beside you and act all happy etc... that's just annoying...

The weather here is so weird. We had a drought in the summer and terrible forest fires, now there are floods. What the heck is Mother Nature up to? McDiablo
it's out to get rid of those stupid things that are infesting it.... wouldn't you?

dont you get a headache answering these questions? leigh
sometimes yes but only if i'm squinting at the screen

do you know your IQ rate? leigh
way back in highschool it was 136 but i have no idea what it is now that i've smartened up

Do the dirty socks run rampant on people's feet or are they dirty enough to run on their own? - Mzebonga
most can do both actually... and who the hell are you to stand in their way with your fancy socks?

Happy Halloween ! .... no socks ?
i have socks on... and yea it was a fun halloween weekend

What would you do if i said NIGGER !?
well if you were reading out of an older book that used that then i'd expect the rest of the story to follow...

Can poop fly? What if it could? Would it just fly out of your ass and hit some innocent bystander and kill them? BS(bullshit)
yes poop (aka shit) can fly... and yes that's exactly what happens sometime... haven't you had that happen to you yet?

So, were there any weapons of mass destruction, or was it just an excuse?
it's all an excuse to do whatever the hell they want

Okay one time i was trying to commit suicide by jumpin out of a window and I landed on I bunch of poeple so it broke my fall and i didn't die. The next time i tried i tried to hang myself and the rope i used came undone when i put my neck in the noose. When I tried to slit my own wrists the knife went dull and i couldn't fine the thing you use to sharpen it. EVERY TIME I TRY IT DOESN'T WORK!! Why can't i kill myslef? -the queen of all things dark and twisted
how about you put that energy into serving me? i'd like some pizza... the kitty litter needs cleaning and my truck needs gas put in it

Just curious, why have you been sending me telepathic messages urging me to kill Britney Spears? Why now?
i've been sending them the whole time but i think your mom was getting them instead of you

why am i having a head ache? leigh
you're not sitting up properly...

what's the most stupid thing you've done while you we're drunk? leigh
if i could remember then i'd tell you... i can show you some scars though that are probably related to a few drunken incidents though

could it be that the wall is actually spinning around and not me? and why is it that my hands are shaking? leigh
damnit you're drunk again aren't you? why is it you have to be drunk to send me questions?!

what does the DC stand for in DCshoecousa????
damn children

I know my neighbour's cat wants to kill me. I try to postulate what his plans might be, but the little bastard is always one step ahead of me! For example, yesterday I saw him eating vomit off of the sidewalk. Do you have any idea what message he is trying to send?
i say you just give up and turn yourself into the cat now... it's the only way your death will be quick...

If more people started walking on their hands instead of their feet.. would they make shoe's for hands? -infinityw00t
of course... have you seen the sort of shit on the ground? you don't want your hands or feet on that

wat did u do for halloween? - the jag man
well went over to julie and reds to hang out... poptart came down this weekend from ottawa so we hung out with him from saturday on... that was fun

Nov 6/03

i had a lot of fun scaring the children this year. i even made a satanic pentacle with fake blood and put a bloody baby shoe near it. ahh, the fun of it all. anyway, on to my question. if people pick up a seashell and say "i can hear to ocean", do fish pick up things like cans, license plates (you know, junk that stupid people throw into the ocean) and say "i hear the land"? -Ripper
good job! i'm very proud of you

Well, I'm back to being the stocking kid at ye olde chocolate store for Christmas. At the time I wrote this question, it is November 3. Is it wrong that they were playing Christmas music in the mall already? McDiablo
they ARE? that sucks... yea i've been seeing pissmas stuff appearing everywhere... it SUCKS... i was just telling mzebonga how much i hate pissmas... grrrrrrrr

Why does my creative writing teacher want Miss Roger's Sweater to include "more tampons" in her poem? (She wrote one about her period) McDiablo
i'd be very concerned... that's disturbing... and i'm sure she's talented and all... but do not share the poem with us

Why was that guy sitting on the bench so bitter? McDiablo
birds peck at his head and he's finally snapped

were is ted with my chocolate?You'd think the fire would have burned down the pizza factory by now..
sometimes fire likes to take it's time... you know how it is... and then when you want it to go away... it eats your house

Oh no!do you think..you think it could be so..uhh nooo ohhh...has ted been killed by that stray horse on the loose?-0supaDiong
damn horses... THAT is why they need their own country to run around in... how long must this violence continue

mister mighty good looking man..makes you jelous, sick or does it stir something in your pants?-supadingit
you're drunk again aren't you?

there is a contagious headache in my household...owww it hurts me...whhyy? oh the devil!! whhyy?????grrr better not be that dirty monkey... *gasp*my dog is hiding behind the couch and it has claustophobia!that bitch!ooooo..my head hurts..whyyy??is it the dog?
its the dog... take some pain killers (from a new unopened bottle) and once you're better... take him for a walk and leave him tied to a tree somewhere

yum grapes are on special at dominion..yum, you shop at the dominion??I highly recommend and by the way were do you live in canada?my bets is on the yukon, your lingo is a dead givaway.
the yukon? no... haven't been there either... i'm near toronto actually

Have you ever had an homoerotic experience that come onto you by surprise and ended awkward and made you never speak to that person again?Evertime he saw you hed stare and so would you and you'd get a queezy feelin because you know what happened...?and youve never felt more insecure about my sexuality before.. nothing is ever the same and you fuck girl after girl...only to feel emptier and emptier... you tell yourself you dont love him... but you dont know if what you feel is just friendship "love"well hypathetically...have you??
no i haven't but i think you should address these feelings you're having and maybe talk it out with him... so you like guys better then girls... deal with it... then go get that guy or another guy

Hi DC, Hows life? I've got a new email it's <email removed>I was having heaps of trouble with my hotmail email so I said fuck you I'm leaving going some place better. I haven't heard from Mzebonga in a while so if he sees it he can email me thats if DC doesn't remove my email. You can email me too DC it would be nice to hear from you. Heaps of hugs because I haven't seen you in a while because I'm a lousy friend, Sally.
welcome back sally! i forwarded your email address to mzebonga... i'll email you when i get a moment this week as things are busy right now... how is angelina doing?

can you explode if you light your fart up and it backdrafts?
oh yes... it's happened many times before

the cats have taken my cheese Why?!!!!! thatthinguywhois
oh you know why...don't act like you don't

do you know why the united states government and the freemasons and illuminati are taking orders from the cats, and molesting little birds in afghanistan and bosnia, trying to eat all the souls of the fragrant elephants in the ghetto, at the same time as masturbating in public? do they really think they are fooling us?
the cats have NOTHING to do with the US... let's get that straight RIGHT NOW....

is kate weird? does she hate me? does liz love good charlotte more than kate? who loves good charlotte more...amy? mun? nazia?kate? or liz? please answer me they are arguing about it
all of you SHUT UP

DC The Almighty... hear my plea. I need advice on whether I should throw the boyfriend out of the house, or just tough it out until I have enough money to move and start life over. (It's not abusive or anything.) I trust your answer Almighty Sock Monkey.
throw him out... nothing is gained by keeping him around... give him a few weeks but BYE BYE

How many licks does it take to get to the tootieroll center of a tootsie pop ? This is an age old question I'm sure alot of people would love to know, if you could answer this for me, many would bennifet from it. Just think of all the advandces in medical science this could bring.-off
it takes 3855 licks... prove me wrong

Wtf? The questionnaire and whatif results are up (quite a speedy job, I might add), but my answers are nowhere to be found. Did you delete them because you hate me? FartMonkey
i emailed you and told you how to send in your answers... i'm not sure what happened to them as i didn't see any so maybe you were just dreaming you answered them...

Why did SAnimal stop answering questions just after I discovered that I could ask them? And what did I miss? Why do people pick on him? I like him! ( holds breath and prepares for a tongue lashing ... on second thought, that sounds rather sexy! )
i think he finally realized how much he sucks... so you didn't miss much... and people pick on him because it's just one of those things that you enjoy doing for some strange reason... and come here.. i'll give you a tongue lashing alright

Ack!! The Mormon missionaries just knocked on my door!! Help me, DC, help me!! What do I do?? What do I do?? <breaks down, sobbing> -Ripper
you pretend your not home and if that doesn't work then you run outside naked screaming about how you're satan and you want to eat their brains

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Inertsetnig rhigt?
oh you're just too original... i mean... this hasn't been forwarded to everyone by spamming friends or posted on newsgroups or anything....

why do we live?
so we can die

Nov 10/03

it didnt work..the missionaries just stared at me and laughed. then they threw one of their mormon bibles at me. i said it burned when it touched me and they laughed even harder. what jackasses, dont you agree? or am i just crazy and deserve to be laughed at? -Ripper
well they are jackasses... but then again you do deserve to be laughed at... how about i laugh at you and you kick their asses...

Will you ever give good advice?
it's happened once before... so maybe it will happen again sometime...

I cut out britney's head from a large poster and attached it to a piece of cardboard for a new dartboard. I still feel like I'm doing something wrong though, because it's still a picture of britney hanging in my room. Does it being a dartboard clear me of the charges that I fear? FartMonkey
no actually it doesn't... the only time it's ok to have it up is when you're actually using the dartboard... if you aren't using it then take it down so her stupid face isn't up there staring at you

What would possibly compel a guy to ask, in the middle of an otherwise friendly, normal conversation, what it feels like when a girl has her period?
well maybe he has been thinking about it lately and instead of just opening the conversation with that question... he waited until the middle of it... as long as he asked nicely and doesn't appear to be deriving any sort of sexual pleasure from the answer then i don't see the harm in it

At my school, there is a mini art gallery in one of the buildings. I often go in there and look at the exhibit...and this time it's pretty--well, interesting and gruesome. There are large coloured photographs of animals that have been hit by cars. Some are very graphic--like, the animal's insides have become their outsides. What would your reaction be if you walked into an art gallery expecting some abstract shit and saw...well, THAT? McDiablo
i'd be slightly amused and slightly disturbed... in all i'd be happy it's not stupid watercolor flower paintings....

Since you seem to be quite the cat lover, I assume that you have a pet cat. When your cat is frisky, do you find that his/her fur appears to be fluffier? McDiablo
yes actually... the funniest is when she's angry and her tail gets really puffy...

Is it considered child abuse when your mother makes you hold the basket as she puts lots of vegetables in it, thus making it very heavy and hurting my arms and fingers? McDiablo
yes it is and you should make her buy you presents so you don't turn her abusive ass in...

DC, my aunt wants me to take my nephew to see CarrotTop (fucking scary asshole). she says that i should take my nephew because i am the only female she trusts him with (go figure), and he really wants to go see CarrotTop. What should i do?? I've considered suicid bombing the venue just to rid the earth of that stupid annoying red-headed irritation..should i do this, or should i just make his show miserable and force him into retirement so he wont be able to bug anyone anymore?? -Ripper
i vote for killing him and getting it over with... no one needs that sorta thing on stage for any period of time... that's torture... any way you can stop him is good

What are the ingredients in a "Twinkie" ? It's kind of like a small "cream" filled cake , but then again, it looks like something that grows behind your couch when you leave too many used tissues behind your couch for a long time. -Off
baby puke... sugar... ground up garbage... more sugar

Buttt Monkey award goes to "Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. Inertsetnig rhigt?" for the fact that it was stolen off the BogGoblin forum. What a fucker, no? - Mzebonga
i know you're brialliant and all... but somehow i doubt that you came up with it yourself...

Did you think it would be funny to give no "Good answer" awards for October's What Ifs? You know good answers are the only thing that keep me alive. DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!! - Mzebonga
haha damnit so i forgot to update them with awards.. big deal... um... yea so now they're there... sigh... shutup

What is the decorous response to the question, " Who's your daddy " ?
the answer always is 'i'm not sure... why? what have you heard? daddy is that you?'

are u inadvertantly telling me to start an avril levigne hate group? why now and how long have u been making the voices talk? Teh JAg man
if i was telling you to start up a hate group... there are many other names that i would select from... start up a 'i love DC' group and send me money... that'd be great... then you can do what the other voices are telling you...

i have a sudden urge to...ahh i lost it . what should i do now? The JAg man
do what i told you to do

I'm home alone. What should I do? I've already spent the past hour dancing naked, and now I want something else to do. FartMonkey
get out all the books, magazines and other paper products you can find and have paper mache fun time...

My family, with the exception of my father and myself, has become a ravenous gang of ebay freaks. They talk to eachother in their little ebay codes and keep using terms like "paypal" and "buy it now", and feelings of hostility are rising within me. What is to be done? FartMonkey
it's time to delete all their information ... or threaten them with negative feedback and you'll get them NARU'ed

Doesn't Sanimal realize it isn't a great loss for us that he's not answering questions anymore? He only answered like three times, nobody's even going to notice he's stopped. Is he pretending that he has better things to do? FartMonkey
i think that since it's never updated... that maybe everyone just got tired of pretending that he'll update them at some point... i think it all boils down to being lazy and sucking a whole lot

The thing is due tomorrow! I'll bet the place is closed, too. Why didn't I do it before? Should I just fake my death and move to Canada now? FartMonkey
sure... next time plan things a bit better and don't be one of those people that move here and expect everything to be handed to you... and leave your guns at the border...

I was at petco the other day and I wandered over to the cages with the lizards etc. So I was looking at this cage of little green frogs, and in the cage next to it there were all these crickets, and one cricket walked right up to the wall of the cage and like 10 frogs started launching themselves at the wall. They didn't seem to learn their lesson, so they kept trying to eat the crickets through the plastic. Then the cage above them appeared to contain nothing, but upon closer inspection, contained a spider as big as my face. Don't you hate spiders? And don't you hate that feeling you get when you think about spiders, where it feels prickly like there are spiders all over you? FartMonkey
nice of the pet store to tease the frogs... and i don't care too much for spiders... though the ones that are as big as my face scare the shit out of me...

DC, you are almost a advice column except you are dangerously insane and should either be institutionalized or put into public office, being as you are just a sock monkey, why do you think ppl trust your humble if twisted opinion, or are they just crazzyyee?, or am i crazy for even thinking that ppl trust your opinion? by the way the squirrrels are behind the cats as rulers of the universe the cats just rule the earth thatthinguywhois
being institutionalized sounds like fun but only if i still get to update this website and have my computer... as for the public office... that doesn't sound fun at all unless i get to run people over in the streets... yes you are crazy, but that's a whole different topic that we can discuss later during visiting hours... and no the squirrels are not behind the cats as rulers... they're just squirrels

I really don't have any homework to do for English this week. This strikes me as odd. What am I going to do in the meantime? What is free time??!! McDiablo
free time is the time you use to throw things at kids... get slurpees and complain to miss rogers sweater that she's too busy to even hang out here anymore...

What is up with the music that is played in the mall I work at? Sometimes they play Christmas music...then 'soft rock'...then Good Charlotte and, right after that, Shania Twain. McDiablo
they're trying to turn everyone's minds into mush... MUSH!

Well, earlier you said you had to milk a bag of doritos "quickly" , but what about a bag of SALSA doritos HMM ? How do you do that one smart guy !? -is that a bannana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me-
those you don't milk at all... instead you send them off to santa and he'll take care of them for you

S, O, ellvee spells Solve, how do you spell winchester ? -is that a bannana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me -
what the hell are you talking about?

What wopuld you do if I gave you a dirty SANCHEZ ???? 'ey ?? Neu'eve
i'd complain

Why do people always use =),8),^_^, or :) to express happyness while chatting or anything else that has to do with communication over typing ? The real question here is what EXACTLY equals ) ?
) = smile mouth... and the only way those things are ok is if they get turned into real face icons but then again they're all annoying so death to the smileys

Nov 12/03

DC, i would honored if you laughed at me while kicking the missionaries' asses! anyway, my computer keeps making this weird clicking sound. every time i try to type something, the stupid machine starts clicking at me! why is it doing this?? could it possibly be morse code from the little men inside it, or am i just hearing things? -Ripper
last time someone had that problem... it was because they were piling keyboards on top of keyboards.. then again... maybe i'm lying and that never happened at all.. it's hard to tell sometimes... so for now just believe that you're hearing things and maybe it will all be ok... maybe....

my little brother (he's 12) has recently started acting and talking like a gangster/rapper. it wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't white, and it's starting to piss me off. what should i do?! -Asylum
well white or not it's not enjoyable... i mean REALLY... a 12 year old gangster? how stupid is that... i say you slap him really hard in the back of his head until that stupid sideways hat flies off his head

i have a friend who i belive is loosing his marbles, so much so that he is unable to function in his own world much less in the world of others. he's a dear old friend, he's the one who said "fuck human conclusion, human delusion!". he ask why no one will talk to him? but when we attempt comunication he simply yells to leave him alone. i belive that poeple have the right to live in their own world as long as they dont violate the rights of others, but my friend dose not seem happy in his new world. so i ask should i try to help my friend even though he wants to be left alone or leave him be as he wishes? i do not belive he really wishes to be left alone but then again who am i to say what he really wants? what do you suggest i do? sincerely--db"_"
well if he doesn't seem happy even when left alone in his world then that's shitty and i'd try to help him feel more happier in his new world... maybe send him some pizza? that always makes me feel better

would you rather be forgotten or rememberd? i rather be forgotten because even when you are rememberd you arent rememberd as yourself as their interpretation of you, do you agree? reality is preseption.--db"_"
well it doesn't matter really as we'll all be forgotten at some point... there is no such thing as forever when it comes to humans

how many times where you dropped on your ehad as a baby? - chocolatez
none that i'm aware of... but then again... i don't remember that much from then

do you have cooties? - chuckroast
well i've checked and it seems that the cootie collar is working

what do smurfs taste like? - chuckroast
a bit like blueberries but more like cherries

Why are some people such scumbags? I was waiting for the train the other day when out of the blue this guy walks up to me and asks if I want to suck his friend's dick. What the hell is that?! Do my heavy winter jacket and mittens scream " inquire here about free blow jobs? " ? I just stood there and stared at him like an idiot till he got bored and walked away. What should I have done?
i think what you did was good... if you're trained in martial arts then i would have said 'no baby i wanna suck yours but you'll have to pay me first'... then again you'd have to judge the crazy look in his eyes... sometimes that sorta stuff doesn't work out so well when they whip out a hundred dollar bill and say 'is this enough?'

Some of the pictures in the " from our drawings " section are really fucking good! Who did them?
we're so very glad you like them... some are by jcp and some are by me

No, no, yes, perhaps, and yes but you'd have to get me really drunk. What five questions did I just answer? ( Go hard! I'm pretty much asking for it! )
that's nice... thanks for coming out

howcome everytime i fall my whole life falshes before my eyes??
you're just one of those people who likes to live in the past so stop it already and stop falling all over the place

i need advice for chosing a high school, should i go to Lane Tech. , Von Stubeun, or taft?
go there during a normal school day and check out the parking lot... if there are a lot of suped up cars then do NOT chose that one... if there are a ton of idiot kids with their hats on sideways hanging around looking stupid then do NOT go to that school... pick one you can stomach for 4 years...

am i annoying you yet?
no not yet

did my last question go through? my computer went bung - sniff
well i don't see one with your name on it so you tell me

do people who work for telemarketers get phone calls to ohter telemarketers?
you think they're people? i thought they were just annoying robots designed to invade privacy

last night i was givin my cat some more hits from our bong, and well she went crazy and swallowed my cellphone. If i put my cat's ass to my ear can i still recieve my calls, or should i just get a spork and gouge it out?
don't be so selfish... you're not so important that you can't miss a few calls while your cat shits it out normally...

** :: soliloquy :: I’m curious about these “sexual favors ” that DC talks about, but lack the fiscal resources that he requires for them ... hmmm, he is after all a sock monkey ... perhaps I could trick him into a good groping... ** I just read your and Ripper’s comments about Carrot Top in the last q&a and they totally reflect my view on the subject ... so much so that I’m afraid people will conclude that mine are a mere imitation. I’d like to state that my hatred for that bastard child of a furball and a drag queen is legitimate and absolutely, one hundred percent my own ... feel my chest if you don’t believe me!
fine... bring it on over and i will...

Is there a wrong time to just start busting a move? McDiablo
in the shower... it can be dangerous... oh... and funerals...

Why does that book say it's 'restricted' in the USA and North America? Since when did the USA become it's own continent? McDiablo
don't give them ideas! it's bad enough already... i'd complain to whomever wrote that and demand it be fixed

How come teachers in high school didn't cancel classes? Do teachers in college do this because they know you are paying to get educated? McDiablo
yes... and you should demand your money back for that time... do you think that a normal worker could just cancel their day and still get paid?

how do i know that this world that i inhbait is actually a world at all? how do i know that i am actually a person? how do i know that i am not simply a brain floating in a jar somewhere, hooked up to some insane computer? how do i know that as i type this some lab technitian is not recomending that i be terminated imediately? TheJman, (or subject 133789g42dddl336549s?)
you don't know and will never know... now shut up or i'll give your jar a good shake

Sockmonkey, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, and why we died. All that matters is that today, two stood against many. Valor pleases you, so i ask you to grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!
praying? no no... just worshipping is fine... um it's a blur up until revenge... and that's fun so yea

Nov 16/03

Why is it that all guys want a big penis, don't they realize that after it gets so big it is no longer useful? It can never fully get hard. It can never fully go into a woman, or her mouth for that matter.
well first of all... not ALL guys want a big penis... but those that do are stupid as they think that their dick is the only thing they truly have to offer to the world... they should be sterlized

my friend and i always get into an argument over whether or not carnies are really people. i say they arent, he says they are. who's right?? -Asylum
some of them are... some of them are not... some of them are the product of a merry-go-round horse and a real human... so i'm not sure if they count or not

Why can't I just finish highschool? Im 28
well... i'd suggest trying to focus a bit more... and showing up to classes... and not throwing things at the teacher... or saying 'WROOOOONG... in the REAL world this all amounts to NOTHING' in the middle of class

Whats your favorite body fluid?
hmmm... well i'd have to say snot... it comes in a varity of textures... can be smeared on places... and doesn't stink like shit does...

What's the logic behind your decision to be a vegetarian? Oh, and does getting a monkey butt award make someone a priority when it comes to your plans for global sterilization?
well i read some stuff and saw some stuff on the whole meat industry etc and i decided that i didn't need to participate in any of it... so i just don't eat meat and it's not hard to stay a vegetarian...

If there are two men in my bathroom who insist on never leaving the toilet, what should I do to encourage them to eat soap instead?
well if they never leave the toilet... then that means you have to bring them food... feed them nothing but soap... if they don't like it, they can leave

Should I kill the lil bunnies and all dogs then sautee them in seafood sauce? To present to our future Gods!!... my future leader..my future guidance to replace this failure of one..This faceless hope-giver and nothing more... or should i turn my head away from all religion in entirity?-the cats have there claws scrapping my spine as a scratching post, blishkelly
change bunnies and dogs to 'stupid humans' and a big YES to the religion thing

Now, see, what I fail to see is why all of my friends seem to enjoy the company of this ANNOYING little freshman girl. Can you tell me why? I fail to see anything halfway interesting about some chick who carries a smiley face umbrella like she's a six year old in Disney Land. And why do they like her better than me? -ferretchick
they're stupid... find other people to hang out with...

You know how they say money doesn't grow on trees? I don't know what they're on about... take paper money for example- where does paper come from? Exactly- trees. I do realise that the paper has to go to the printing thing or whatever it's called to actually make it into legal tender, so, oh... I just made a fool of myself. Ok, so maybe money DOESN'T grow on trees... but the materials required to make it do. Apart from coins, of course, seeing they're made of metal and all. Great site, DC. Although reading all these letters often made me laugh (sometimes resulting in falling off my chair and causing minor injuries), my eyes now hurt like hell. Maybe sitting in the dark whilst doing so was a bad idea. I'm going to go now... my sock monkeys need attention. See? I took your advice, took them to dinner and they love me for it! (I think sock monkey #42 has a thing for me) By the way, I live in Northern Ireland, and I'd like to know what the hell is up with the money over there in the states. It's all the same size, so how do the blind know they're not spending $20 on some twinkies and no one has the balls to tell him? It's all the same color aswell! The treasury is so unimaginative over there. Gibbo
i've found the same thing with their money... it all looks the same and it's all so boring... then again... look at the states... should we really expect anything interesting from them? no...

That 'Jack Asshole' thing was...interesting. Should I just leave a random note like that one someone's doorstep? What should I write on it? McDiablo
that's quite insane that this is going on... and yes you should... just write whatever comes to you...

Christmas commercials on T.V. are stupid, but why are they getting stupider each year? McDiablo
well you're in canada so the problem is that there are 'baby boomers' who are now over the age of 50 and since there are so many of them, commercials and products are being aimed at them... in order to get this stupid generation to buy things... they try to make commercials that remind them of 'the good old days' or some other sort of smiley faced nonsense that makes the rest of us want to puke... the more they try to sell... the stupider the commercials will get...

I was just told that in Britain there is a proposal to lower the age of consent to 12 years old. What do you think of this? McDiablo
i think that's fucked up...

i like beer,but i have no money to buy beer, how can i get beer?
you go and work... get money... then go get beer

if the mome wraths and the borogroves fought to thier bloody deaths what would thier combined bloody pulp taste like? smudge
it would taste a lot like bread with peanut butter

Hey, remember me??--Syko Morgana
yes... you're the one with the fancy name

i have neglected the insane domain for months..do i get a spanking?--Syko Morgana
yes you do but you can't enjoy it as much as usual

what if you told people you liked clams so for your birthday they bought you a big tub of clams except only you knew that you were really allergic to clams....would you refuse the clams or eat them and die? -ferretchick
refuse them and tell everyone that i liked money instead

what about the elephants ?-schizo
yea... WHAT ABOUT THEM? damn elephants

So I recently had a falling out with my best friend, her favoring a younger friend as opposed to me, not that she made any effort to be my friend after meeting this new person. It was a savage fight, and it seems that making amends is impossible and even if it does happen it'd be awkward. I hate her new younger friend because she's annoying, and I'd undoubtedly be forced to hang out with her if me and the best friend made up. Any ideas on what to do? Make an effort and make up or forget about it? I'm so confused.

well in order for you to be a good friend you'd have to put up with her new friend or at least be civil about it and if that isn't worth it then forget it... or just leave it where you've made up but don't hang out anymore... either way... get new friends

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? - ryan
some sick drunk freak who thought it might be fun

"Why does my Sock Monkey Porn Star T-Shirt rock so much? why has it made me so much more popular and cured my parkinsons?" - Empriss Nikon
that's just part of what it will do for you... you'll notice that from now on your shit won't stink and you'll never lose your keys again...

Nov 19/03

Hey DC! I'm back.. where the fuck have i been? - Miss Roger's Sweater
welcome back... we heard rumors that you think you're smarter then us now since you're in school... or did the books come here and tell us that so that you'd be forced back to them when we rejected you?

did my increase in slurpee consumption fact in on the fact that i got sick? - Miss Roger's Sweater.
it should have... slurpees are the unsung heroes of infectious disease fighting

i went to a new clinic today and they all spoke with an english accent.. what's with that? - Miss Roger's Sweater
maybe it was 'english accent day' there... maybe next time it will be 'spanish speaking' day

DC DC DC DC Why are the gnus (who, i might mention are fairly new) eating each others scar tissue? (Why can't I have some?)thathinguywhois
well in order to let you eat theirs... you have to first supply some scar tissue of your own... you can't get anything for free from them...

that "jack asshole" thing is hilarious!! i got one of those a few weeks ago..except it kept telling me that i had better "watch my back or i would be sorry". nobody believes me that some random person put it in my mailbox..why don't they believe me, DC?? why!!??? <sobs,coughs,chokes,shifty eyes> -Asylum
well you have to admit that you wrote it to yourself... and those who know you know your handwriting so you're not fooling anyone... also, the shifty eyes gave you away

Why won't the Cat in the Hat visit my house? I mean, it's not that I have too much fun or no fun at all...but I need to steal his hat somehow. McDiablo
you have to lure him with toronto maple leaf tickets... oh wait he's got some... ummm... well then something hockey related... be sure to remind him to bring his hat so he doesn't leave it at home which would render your plan useless

My mom fed my cat this morning and she ate all her food right then and there. Is it safe to say that she was pigging out? McDiablo
oh yes... that happens

Will I pass Geography, or was I not meant to pass courses like...that? McDiablo
sure you were meant to pass it unless it's about a certian large country that sucks a lot located below our country...

i'm happy there's no more "ask SAnimal", aren't you? -Ripper
well i could care less... really

why the hell is there only one female smurf?? -Asylum
the rest are in denial... and if you watch donnie darko it will tell you where smurfette came from

could i send you a coffee mug for xmas? -MorbidJester
sure... as long as there are no hearts on it... i'd welcome any gifts and if you leave a return address i might mail stuff back....

What is the best way to get revenge on your jackass enemies whlie remaining anonymous? (If you don't know can you recommend some sites that can tell me?). cheers!
well that all depends on how you define revenge... here are some ideas that can be used... although i don't know how well you can stay annoymous doing them... leaving insane letters is also a good idea as shown here...

My thoery.......by *Realmo-K* Religion is cruel because it pray's on naive and inseccure people. After all don't you think it's strange how almost all, if not all religions basically state that if you follow this religion you will have a peacfull after life. And it's not possible they can be all true because they contradict each other. I also think it's stange how thousands apon thousands of years ago all this super-natural, freaky shit happened (example:turning water into wine) but in recent times this stuff is un-heard of. What the fuck is going on!!!!!!!!!! do you agree with my little theory?
religion was created by humans... so of course it will never make sense... you would think that millions of people believing in a 'loving god' would treat each other a bit better... but what is the main cause of killings and wars? religion... so it comes down to humans being cruel and using religion as an excuse to be shitty to each other

Nov 22/03

why people should feed the ducks?
what people SHOULD be doing is giving me some pizza

im not bubbly wat can i do?
stay just the way you are... bubbly is annoying

i've been trying to find a copy of donnie darko somewhere ('ve been to every video/electronics store in my town) but have been unable to find it! what should i do? i was thinking about assuming the fetal position and crying the next time someone says "i'm sorry, we don't carry that movie. but feel free to look at our wide selection of other great movies! have a nice day!". should i do that? -Asylum
i think that will work just fine until you can find one online and get someone to buy it from you if you don't have a credit card of your own...

woohoo! would you like a really big coffee mug so you can have lots and lots of coffee without having to get up for refills? -MorbidJester
sure that'd be great as long as it's not pink or yellow

Two girls caught 25 frogs. Lisa caught four times as many as Jen did. How many frogs did Jen catch?
5

If I am here without you why are you still on my lonely mind? Dammit, solitary just doesn't work for me. - 9-92
learn to play mah johng then or however the hell that game is

i have a 2 part question for you today: 1) what is the price of the average adult human soul on the open market these days, 2) what is the exchange rate like these days between them and the average infant/unborn human soul. and any advice you can give me to help me invest would be deeply apreciated (other than buy low, sell high of course).
1 i have no idea but i don't imagine it's worth much anymore... ask FOX tv.... 2 see answer one

this year for halloween i dressed up as the crow but everyone identified me as eather alice cooper or a wrestler named the stinger (i think, i don't watch wresteling, and i seldom pay atttention to them). i could'nt kill them or make them suffer, because they had not contributed to my death or the misery i suffered in the afterlife. so my question to you is this: what can i do next year to make sure that everyone recognises me as the crow (so i don't have to tell them who i am supposed to be), and how can i punish those who don't?
i say that next year you move away to a place where there are cool people that know of movies like the crow... or wear a sign that says 'i am the crow, you know, that movie?'

where can i find a good, easy to use and free (most important thing) interface that will allow me to stab people through the internet? i need it for... umm... stuff, and , well... i gotto go.
if i knew that... then i would be selling it for a dollar to everyone via SPAM email... that would show you ALL!

if crows carry the souls of the dead, then why do they always congrigate on the powerlines in front of my house? they have been doing it for years and no one here has died yet, i'd have thought that if they were expecting a pasenger it would have happened by now. and if they are waiting for me or someone i know then why are there so many of them? there were at least 10 or 20 last time i checked, and i have seen as many as 50 or 60.
if you were carrying around souls of the dead, you'd have to rest every once in awhile... you should be glad they are just there to rest... just keep your worm and soul collections out of view and everything will be fine

now i have no problem with christmas in and of it's self, however it pisses me off to no end when they start putting up the decorations before they even start with the haloween stuff, and then leave it up after new year. do you have any suggestions on what we the people can do about it? it has to be pretty far reaching and wide spread. my idea is that people can have a month before hand to set it up, and a week afterwards to take it down (sound resonable?) but i have no idea how to get others to do it, especially the businesses that get so much mony by extending the season aslong as possible.
tear them down and cry... no one likes to deal with a crying person...

who is better: bill&ted or wayne&garth? who is cooler? who would win in a fight? what if they had no access to any sort of help or tools or weapons or anything?
well i'd have to go with wayne and garth... for all answers...

what do you think about todays superheros such as The Tick, Earthworm Jim, and The Ripping Friends? how do they measure up against the more classicle super heros in you'r book?
i do not like them... they annoy me greatly... the tick is just wrong... wrong i say wrong

why are the neighborhood dogs telling me to kill prostitutes?
damned dogs... you should hear what they're trying to get me to do now... just do not start listening to them because it's NEVER good enough for them... they'll just demand you do more and more...

ok, we all know that the cats are going to take over the universe, that's a given. and we all know that they can't be stoped. my idea, however, is to hide from them, i have the underground complex fully constructed, it has a fully self suficient ecosystem to provide food, air and cleen water, there are suplies and machinery in case the ecosystem breaks down, there is enough food and water and oxygen stockpiled to last for over 100yrs into the forseeable future, there are geothermal setups to provide power and springs to provide new water, there is room to grow as well as digging/construction equipment to provide new chambers as the population increases, my word is already law, and i have already picked most of the 500 people and animals to join me and become the last of the free human race (the animals will be human enough when i am through with the selective breeding programs) as well as plans in the works to breed a superior human that may one day be able to overcome the cats and free the rest of humanity (which will then be genetically reengineered to level the playing field with my superior people). my question to you is what non-esential items we should bring. i would also like to know if you would like to join us. if so, then you must prove your worthyness by finding us, and prove your loyalty with something i will think of later. but tell me now if you want in so we can save you a seat.
sure i'll stick around... do i get my own little pod? that'd be great... be sure to bring some music and coffee... oh and shiny things... they come in handy...

if there can be only one, then what happens if it comes down to a point where there are two left, but they can't get to or find eachother?
well then there is more then just one and they will have to live in ignorant bliss thinking they are the one until one of them dies and the other truly becomes the one

why is it that when you scratch in front of the base of a cat's tale the back end go's straight up"
well sometimes it turns them on... and other times it's because it feels good to have it scratched as they can't scratch it themselves...

years ago at school myself and by two friends (billy and joel) saw this flyer which said that this new young comedian who called himself "carrot top" would be doing a free show later on in the week. when we finished reading it we were all strangely compelled to reach out and tough the flyer. as soon as we did, we flashed foreward and saw the future. we saw what he would become. we saw his rise to power, and we saw how everyone would have to watch him just about everytime they turned on the tv. we saw his evil. and all at once, the three of us understood. we decided that we had to do something and so we put a plan into motion.
we kept watch of the flyer in shifts (there were no others that we knew of) incase someone else had the same experience as we did. the thinking was that they might be willing to help, but it never happened. all the while though we were planning and studying the layout of the auditorium. we knew every inch, and we knew that we would never get close enough to be discreet. so we checked the ventilation systems and the cat walks and the lighting rooms, and anything else we could find that would give us the proper vantage points untill we found the perfect ones, and worked out our entry and escape plans. we knew that we would likely not all make it out of there, but that was'nt important, "the needs of the many outweigh the heeds of the few."
joel had managed to get us three .35cal longs with bipods and scopes, while i had made us each a detachable supressor (any idiot can make one, and we had been practicing enough to be able to compensate for the way they would alter the trajectorys). we kept in comunication through the use of headset walkietalkies (altered to work outside the usual frequencies) and used a rudimentary code billy had devised.
when the time came we were already equiped and at our posts. i was stationed on the catwalk along the back wall, it had fallen into disrepair in recent years and was in the process of being restored so there was noone else on it, and i could hide amoung the stuff the crews had left there for the night. billy was in one of the air ducts looking out of a vent above stage right, while joel was in the old left stage lighting booth (also empty due to repairs) about twenty feet above the crowd. we knew that triangulated fire was almost onehundred percent effective so the plan was that we would all cound down together 5-4-3-2-1-bam! but there was a problem, we started the count togther, but after three, joel stoped responding. billy and me called off the count and tried despretly to figure out what was wrong with joel, but he just would'nt respond. after a few minuts we figured out what had happened; looking over at him with my binocs (the others had not brought them) i saw that his safty was on and his clip was out, yet he had his scope firmly locked on to something. i followed his line of sight to just behind the right stage curtain there was this hot freshman chick who odviously had him under her spell. she almost got me too, but i was able to pull my eyes away just intime to keep myself from getting permanently transfixed. i signaled to billy that it would be up to us to do it ourselves, but i got nothing but static in reply. you see, while i had been looking at joel and the chick, billy had kept his eyes on karrottop and aparently it got to him. as i looked over i saw that he had pulled his mike away from his mouth and was quietly vomiting down the vent. he still had his earpiece on so i tole him to hold off as his hand would'nt be steady after such a tremendous episode. and then there was just me.
i counted down in my head as i folowed him with the rifle. i had him deadbang, 5-4-3-2---- then i stoped. he was nearing the end of his act (someone who had already seen had told us how he ended it) and i was running out of time, but i stoped. he bent over to pull something out of his bag, ruining my shot. it was a pair of clips which he proceded to put in his hair, giving him pigtales. then suddenly he was gone, replaced by wendy, and i could not shoot. i knew it was an ilusion, but try as i might i could not pull that damn trigger. i could not harm this sweet, redheaded innocent. i could not make dave thomas cry. i could not hurt his sweet little girl. i knew it was an ilusion, but i could'nt. and that was his last bit, he walked off without removing the clips and i was too soft to take a shot at him. one of the others might have been able to do it, but they were both long since incopacitated. it was becouse of us that he is still around today. we were given a chance to stop him, but we failed. in the years to follow, we tried to warn the world about what was to come but noone believed us (i suppose i don't blame them though) and he became too powerfull, and too well protected for us to strike down ourselves. and this is why i tell you the story now. i beseach your guidence, what should we do, what can we do to make up for our weakness those many years ago. we have since grown stronger and harder, but he is now just too powerfull and well protected. we need your guidence. by helping us eliminate him, you will inturn help you'r self and the rest of the world. plese, plese help me.

this was really long... how about next time you go to type in so much, you instead spend that time taking the redheaded bastard down... you've got to FOCUS... that's your problem...

when will my tea be ready?
not soon enough

did you know that when the first conan movie came out a major toy company decided to market conan action figures, but then when someone there actually watched the movie they decided that they could not afford to be associated with such sex and violence or to market it to kids, so they decided to change the figure's hair to blond and changed the name and invented heman?
i didn't know that and i've made sure not to remember it for the future...

so i hear you are a vegitarian, because you con't want to participate in the meat industry. i would be interested to hear then what you think about this info then: http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Mad_Cow.html (scroll down)
i think that's really interesting and everyone should go see...

my cat farted...it stinks what should i do?
yell out ewwww and wave your arms around while making a face

From what I could gather, Miss Roger's Sweater had forgotten to come back to this site. How could she do something like that? I mean, really? McDiablo
well she did come back the other day unless it was you in some sort of mental state where you thought that you were her...

What is with those things that my preschool made us make and eat: celery sticks with peanut butter in them and chocolate chips? I mean, do those things really go together or did the teachers just like the sight of kids vomiting? McDiablo
it sounds like it goes together... well minus the celery... celery is just wrong

My mom likes to think that Slurpees have aided my having an upset stomach during certain times in my life. I think she is just wanting me to not buy so many Slurpees. What do you think? McDiablo
i think she's jealous that she can't drink as many as you can...

Is it just me, or is 95% of maths we learn at school just a complete waste of time? (I'm pretty sure algebra was created to piss people off) I mean seriously!!- when do we use any of the shit they teach us in every day life? From ReAlmO-K
well i know that i have to use it in my job... but yea... 95% seems about right

which band do you think is better- deftones or system of a down? If you don't like any off them what's your favourite band(s)/genre of music? ReAlmO-K
i'd prefer system of a down because i don't like the deftones... i like a lot of music and i have no idea what 'genre of music i like... here's some of what i like

If adam and eve were the first people on earth and they were white, how come there are so many different races of people? (this question has bamboozled me for years)
who said they were white? i don't recall anything saying that they were... but anyways... it's just a story... a STORY... so obvioiusly it's not true and if you have been questioning that for years... you've got much bigger problems... oh and there is NO santa claus either...

What do you do when one roommate has horrible taste in music, and the other went from playing the tuba terribly to playing the trumpet even worse?
you move the hell away before you snap and kill them all

Are cats really as dumb as they seem to be? they have to be, only a moron would keep doing the same things after they get the shit kicked out of them for it. Harbinger
you better not be hurting cats or letting them get hurt... they're better then humans

I found out something really disturbing. When you write DC the insane sock monkey backwards you get "yeknom kcos enasni eth CD". What do you have to say to this DC?
i was hoping you would never figure it out... i must kill you now...

where are my keys?
under the bed... AGAIN... i told you about that...

DC!! they tricked me!! they tricked me into eating meat! damn it, they tricked me! what's going to happen now?? will i ever be forgiven? -CrucifiedAngel
nope... its straight to hell with you

My parents anniversary is soon and I can't think of a good card..any thoughts? FartMonkey
draw the outline of your hand on the card and color it in... you can't buy love like that

Have you ever paid for sex? If so, how much was it? and who was it with?
no i haven't...

if a unicorn offewred to sodamise you with her horn, while a lepracaune licks your ball sack what would you say?
i'd have to say no... those horns do NOT look fun

what's your favourite alcohol? and would you let me lick it off you in a seductive fashion? from Drupert (realmo-k's other personality)
i don't really have a favorite... and wouldn't you lick off YOUR favorite since you're the one doing the licking?

Do you think that the new Prodigy album (being released shortly after new year) will be a hit or will it be shit?
i have no idea... but when it does you can send me it and i'll tell you what i think

i have to say the good question award is looking really spiffy now. Dont you like the word 'spiffy'? - SiNiSTaR
oh it is very spiffy... and spiffy is just a spiffy word

here's a popular, annoying question that gets repeated all too foten: Are You on Friendster? - SiNiSTaR
what the hell is friendster?

What are you supposed to think when someone says to you, "hey, are you good at handjobs?" I was helping some people make some crummy artsy stuff with some hand-painting stuff and the dude asks me that and i burst out laughing and he tells me not to get my mind out of the gutter. sheesh - SiNiSTaR
but the gutter is so fun...

Ever played "Oddworld: Abe's Exoddus" before? I suddenly got hooked on it and am playing it like, constantly. Help meeeeeee - SiNiSTaR
no i haven't... send it to me... that will help you

Do you like fruitcake? I hate fruitcake. People who eat fruitcake must be really strange. Fruitcake is almost as heavy as the oven it is baked in, goddammit! - SiNiSTaR
i hate fruitcake... it's horrible...

How many licks does it take to win Tiki's favor?
just one...

Have you ever wondered how they make cheerios? I mean, really, what's in them? And why are they donut shaped? Do they really have tons of cholesterol? Is this just another krispy kreme conspiracy? -ferretchick
i'm not in the cheerio biz... i say you look it up online and let us know if it's interesting

Sometimes i wish i had a bass, don't you? Then we could have a party where everyone runs through the streets garroting others with their bass strings. That'd be great...-ferretchick
it would be great actually

On my math book I realize that it says for enjoyment and challenge. Is there some alterior race of humans that enjoy doing math problems or is this just their sick twisted idea of a joke? -ferretchick
yes there is actually... and they argue on newsgroups about 'theories' ... it can be quite scary at times as they call each other names and throw around numbers

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