why aren't apples all the same size!? what's the point? why do the bigger apples think they are cooler then the smaller ones? I don't get it!? help please.
if all apples were the same size, then we'd have to get whole new baskets... the point is usually lost to most people... because the bigger apples ARE cooler then the smaller ones...

if you let a bee sting you does it make the bee look cooler in front of all its other bee friends?
as it dies on the ground... damn straight it does!

whats that white powdery substance under my grandmothers nose?... I asked her and she took out a gun and said "im gunnah fuckin shoot if you don't stop flappin ya gums bizniatch!" i'm scared!
listen to your granny... she's obviously high on powdered sugar... tell your parents... they'll know what to do

Maybe someday people will listen or won't they? Are we waiting in vain?
what? i wasn't listening... anyways i think that sometimes rice cakes aren't given proper consideration when choosing a nighttime snack ... they come in many different flavors now

6 people will definetly come with you if they wanna stay alive so who would they be?
fine... i'd like a clown to amuse me, patton to sing for his supper, stephen hawking to talk to, bob villa to build me a working home, jcp to hang out with and some creepy artist to build me impressive sculptures

So whats the best option then?
i say go with burning the evidence

If you could learn to speak another language what would it be?
japanese

Whats the best way to deal with a stupid person?
distract them with shiny things or talk to them slowly and loudly

How can you tell the differance between stupidity and insaneness? Is there like a fine line between the two?
it is indeed a fine line... so sometimes you can't tell at all until after the consequences

Why do people constantly act stupid?
they're not acting

Is stupidity contagous?
no, its passed down through having children... infecting the gene pool

What ever happened to garfield?
he's sleeping right now... 

Whats your favourite comic book?
hellspawn is wicked... and i have to mention my 2nd fav clerks

Is there a real place called Chilly Beach?
not that i'm aware of... but that cartoon is pretty funny

What things do you while camping?
party... burn stuff... pass out... wake up... burn some more stuff... repeat until you are told to leave

Who do you think is the most insane out of you and jcp?
i'd say i am because she still refuses to use dead rodents as puppets to perform the whole of stephen kings The Stand

Who is the bigger fan of FNM you or Jcp?
jcp... have you seen her collection? she has her own issues... most involving pattons voice

Can I take advantage of you?
sure

Why wasn't Larry happy?
well larry has a stupid life and he knows that he is just pretending to be what everyone tells him to be

Can we do something about that damn neighbour?
yes... THEY MOVED OUT TODAY!!!!!!!!! YEA! YEA! YEA! YEA!

Are you good at massages ? If so my neck needs a rub.
no... how about you show me by doing mine?

Sometimes is it better to just go away?
yes it is... other times its better to start making random noises until the person yelling at you just gets so fed up they stop yelling and leave

Sometimes your completely wrong about me?
sometimes... but not usually

What is this stupidity you speak of?
there's a spaceship parked on your doorstep... rice pieces... it's always this way now

How do you be insane exactly?
it involves bagpipes and glass cleaner... if you can't figure it out then you are not insane 

If you say I can, can I?
no... unless i say you can

Do you run rampant a lot?
yes i do... sometimes nude

I think you need new boots those ones look to christmasy and speaking of christmas its not far away do you have plans and am I going to get a gift?
xmas sucks and i don't celebrate it... in fact i am TORTURED by my family during this time cuz i am forced to hang out with them and endure small talk about the weather, who drives what kind of car and blah blah blah

Where and what year did the "Halloween" movies first take place?
that year in that place... and you know there were rumors that they asked elvis to be in it but found out he was busy

How many movies were in the nightmare on elm street series, who features Freddy Krugar?
too many of them... 

That maths teacher sounded like dickhead , I can't believe you had to listen that crap?
that's the fabulous world of schooling for you... its the only reason i paid attention though

Why do monkies throw their poop and do sock monkies throw poop or do they even have any?
its fun to throw poop and sock monkeys eat their poop... then get their holes sewed up

Why does elton john raise his eyebrow after every syllable he sings??? is it a homosexual thing?
i think you're focusing on his eyebrows just a little too much... perhaps you are afraid of admitting that you are homosexual... but it's ok... we won't treat you any differently... we hate you no matter what sex you like

Have you ever imagined a world were there were no hypothetical questions??
twice and it hurt both times

Are you Jimmy Ray?
yes... oh... no

Are you sting ray?
not anymore

Why do I fart so much?
i'm not sure... just blame it on someone else

Do you think there is an uprising inside the Lesbain community?
i'm not sure.. i'll go check and let you know

now i see where your inspriation comes from. try coming up with someone original once in a while damnit.
this isn't a question... yet it raises many... 

why do british people have such beautiful teeth?
i blame bowie

How many omens were present in the play Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare?
12... and the phantom 13th one is just number 4 in drag

How many days have you been alive for?
at least 30

If 2+2=4 then why does 2+5=7? I don't get math. Could you possibly display some oranges to help me out?
here are 8 oranges... i'm now going to throw 20 more at you... 

How many shreds of cheese do you put on your taco?
lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots

If you can recite the star spangled banner to me, I will make you cookies and give you some milk.
i'm canadian... why the hell would i care what the words are to that song?  how about you sing me a song about popcorn and bubbles and i'll give you a shiny penny

I burped, will I go to hell? - Mzebonga
yes, but only for a second or two

why didn't you answer the questions yesterday were you trick or treatin!?
you are obviously in a different time zone then me... as it is still halloween night as i answer these

 Why do women constatly change their minds to indirectly the same thing?
i think you're confused with (most) men... (most) women constantly change their minds to completely unrelated things and then you're just nodding in agreement to end the conversation

Oh thats good do you get many?
not always, but sometimes i get so many i don't know what to do with them all

Camping must be fun for you then? Who comes with you?
camping is quite fun if you take the right people with you... i would like to go camping again

The nieghbours moved out, congratulations and are you having a party for that, I think it deserves one?
so do i actually... drinks for everyone...

Why are british people whiny ?
tight shoes and elton john are to blame

So what am I going to now?
send me your money

whats the meanest thing you've done to someone?
had them sent to a shrink

Whats the best joke you"ve played on someone?
my dad, brother and i made my mom get out of the truck to see some cows, then drove off

Who do you have the most fun with and whats a fun thing to do?
jcp and a fun thing to do is to take all your garbage and remove it from where you are living cuz then you don't have any garbage

You rock? Sometimes you think you rock and sometimes you do rock,but not today.And why do you think you rock?
i rock because i am a sock monkey

And there are people who find you charming?
not that i'm aware of

What are the fewest words you can use to get out that door?
12

What is a spackle, and how many can you fit in a pyramid? Witto.
spackle is that stuff you use to make walls look strange and i'm guessing 2... maybe 3

Why do biscuit tins have so much space with no biscuits in? Witto.
biscuit companies are CHEAP

I need a date
you need a life as well

Why isn't the moon made of cheese? It should be. Witto.
it isn't? then why the hell try so hard to get there???

i herd there was a nightmare site where is it
yes there is i guess... it's just one page right now... and there is a link to it if you know where to look for it... the older versions of it have been removed for awhile now

what is the point to this website ???
the point is that its all free

will you come over and eat potatoes and tuna with me?
i'll eat the potatoes but i don't eat meat/fish

Can you give us a real reason why you don't like us Americans? You know, we could just run up through your stupid worthless country and take over if we wanted.
blah blah... 

why cant the things that were last weekend have the things that love the potatos and they seem to see that i am NOT THE ONE THAT BROKE THE SOAP NO MOM I DIDNT DO IT so then what would you think of that.
i think that my skin itches and that the spider that i didn't kill the other day is somewhere waiting for me

What the hell did you do to your whinnie to send him to a shrink?
i touched his bottom

Do you know what photosynthisis is? My girlfriend is always talking about it.
say no and run far far away

So if your nieghbours moved out then you might get more bad ones move in then?
shut up if that happens then i will have to beg for a laptop in jail

You look rediculous?
and?

What do you think of skid marks?
they are uncalled for

Whats your idea of a good free time?
doing whatever i want and someone else pays

So is the idiot training for me?
you and the others

So if we do that stuff in the in the supermarket we might get thrown out?
maybe... although you never know

Supermarkets suck don't they?
yes

So who wants a beaver?
they use their teeth

There is absolutely no good reason why we are alive. If the only motive to continue living is to procreate my species than i might as well kill myself because theres nothing else to live for. Just take this and shove it in my eye, it'd feel better than sitting her thinking about the meaninglessness of my existence. In the whole grand scheme of things we are nothing, less than a speck, we are the bacteria in the armpits of some quark in space. I am one human being out of 6 billion on this one planet out of 900 trillion in this one galaxy out of an infinite number of possible galxies out there. It hurts my head. i hate speech. penny for your thoughts?
why are you assuming there has to be a point?  and i'd like way more then a penny

want a shag????
ok

If you cross breed a sheep and a kangaroo do u really get a wolly jumper?? I think i've found my calling in life - to test this theory
please do and then send us the results... are they anything like those kangaroo things on tank girl

Have you ever tried to imagine a world where there are no hypothetical situations?
yes but it hurt

Lick my Cat?
how clean is it?

Get real, what would you know?
like whatever

Just deal with it?
i'm trying but it still hurts

If everything is bad for us then why?
why why why why why wah wah wah wah wah wah

Is it alright to come out on a full moon?
yes

Whats makes you so sure?
smoke and mirrors

What makes you so mysterious?
its the eyes

What are you cooking for dinner?
i'm not sure what 'cooking' means but i'm having pizza

Can daydreaming be fun again?
its always fun

So who'd want sex with you anyway?
i'm not sure but if you find them please have them contact me immediately

What do you do to your sockmonkies when they've been bad?
spank their bottoms

What do you do to your sockmonkies when they've been good?
spank their bottoms

What do you do when your socks runaway?
cry and cry until they return

Your a little odd looking sometimes aren't you?
all the time

Well I didn't ask for your second favourite?
i guess not but i have no clue what you're talking about so instead i'll just complain that the bulb in my lava lamp has burnt out

Maybe you can just get out ?
right now?

Can you leave me alone for one minute? And stop doing that its so annoying?
hell no... this is fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

Do we have to play faith no more again?
no... i like them and all but i don't need to hear them all the time

Whats your fav album from FNM and mr bungle?
angel dust and california

I wanted to dress up as you for Halloween but I couldn't find your costume. Where may I be able to find it so I will be the hippest kid circling the block next year.
well we're working on that... a full sized sock monkey outfit is something that takes some planning

<-------- Is that an arrow?
i don't see one anywhere

Is it possible for 2 retarded people to have sex? Or would they just drool on each other all night long?
yes it is and if they liked that sort of thing then perhaps

Did you take the KIND out of kindergarten when you were a younging?
took it out and pissed on it

What's the point? Witto
nothing really

Why are oranges called oranges but pineapples not called ochre? Witto
they are... what the hell is wrong with YOU?

Why are sanimals questions rarely updated? Witto
no one asks that twit questions

Noah wanted a speedboat, didn't he? - Mzebonga
twice

Did you ask Dave Dingle a question,dc? Well, after much delay, the lazy bastard has answered it. You may return to www.mzebonga.com/swahili to see his answer - Mzebonga
i couldn't find it... are you trying to pull the wool over my eyes or has my insanity blurred my vision

Would you jump into a dumpster full of dead hamsters for $10 million?
yes

Some of the kids at my daughters school are talking about the purple monkey.....can you tell me what this is in reference to?
no i can't... and don't you ask her about it either... it will only lead to bad thoughts... if she mentions the purple dinosaur, then you leave with her in the night and never return

Why the FUCK are you such a fucking tool? take my dad's side. i'll show you a bitch.
you're a bratty brat brat brat...

So, it's left at the ranch, then right at the police depot then keep going for about 500 yards and at the end of the road is a place where I can screw all the whores I want for five bucks? - Mzebonga
yes... can you give me a ride?

Will i make color guard?
sure, in face anyone who reads this can make some color guard

what do u do if your gay but you dont want your girlfriend to know
hide your boyfriend under the bed

should i worry that i have a green growth on my third head?
only if it turns purple on thursdays

i want a green dragon
i'd like a red one that grants me wishes and eats stupid people

why does this flurbaby have such a small head? and why is joanna here??
sometimes you need a small head so if they try to put a leash on you then you can just slip out of it and that korn video was on where they all have straight jackets and that's not fair i want a straight jacket too but a black one

has anyone else had problems with their surgically attached penis?
i'll ask around... maybe a few strangers on the street will show me how theirs are

chuck a boom? what is your political thoughts on northern ireland.or don't you care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - keglineq
dum-a-chum but don't get me started... as for ireland i have no political views on them... but that guy that dances from there should be shot in the kneecaps and forced to dance till he dies

why do americans call american football football when it has hardly anything to do with feet. its crazy.
you answered your own question... i mean does any of this really make any sense?

why do my friends always stroke my head?
just be glad that people want to touch you

how come toes look so funny?
i'm not sure... i hate feet and toes... so i don't look at them

some girls have a serious disability: they cannot apply their makeup correctly. i once witnessed a terrible sight... my ex girlfriend has very pale skin all over her body, and sometimes she would cake her face in cosmetics - JUST HER FACE! i thought it was halloween for god sake, take off the damn mask woman! anyway, my question is "why do women do this?"
well not all women do this... so the trick is to avoid the ones that do... i have no idea what possesses them to do so, but at least they are making it obvious so we can identify and ignore them quickly

It's there, in the "How 2" section, under "Wisdom". Can you see? - Mzebonga
oh yea.. my tail was in the way so i couldn't see it... wanna touch my tail?

DO YOU WANT TO SPANK MY MONKEY?
no but you can touch my tail

are you ever branded "crazy" simply becuse you have ideas that are different than everybody else? and if you are crazy is that so bad?some carzy poeple seem to be happy, dont you think?--db"_"
yes... and i don't think its so bad as long as you keep in mind that others have different pain tolerances then you do...and crazy people are just able to enjoy the smaller things in life... the things that most people don't think twice about.. you can be just as happy if you paid attention

is it possible to be addmited to an asylum for retierment?some say it's never too late.how are you feeling today?--db"_"
i'm not sure but maybe i'll look into it... i'm feeling ok today i guess... my feet are cold

Why r men so stupid?
because they are human... its the same reason for the females being so stupid

Aren't you already sick of all the Christmas shit everywhere??
i hate just the thought that it's out there... i have so far steered away from any xmas related items...

Why is the belly button fluff you pick out when you're bored not always the same colour as your t-shirt? When wearing a blue shirt it should be blue, so why is it red, when you don't even own a red top, let alone wear one? Witto
bellybuttons are little black holes in your body... they collect small items and occasionally spew out stuff.... since time doesn't exist to these little black holes, it can spew out any colored item it wants at any point in time regardless of anything else going on around it including you and your horrible taste in clothing

r u a faggot
i love you and want to fuck you up the ass

Ok who would win this celebrity deathmatch: Bea Author or Phyllis Diller
bea arthur... i think she would fight dirtier... just as long as they don't fight naked

why does jonathan look like a gay boy and grin at us alllllllll the time like a skull and never stop. i just stare back but then he looks back and i go all ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i had to wash my arm after the air he carries brushed it. i'm gonna be sick. but anyways after you've answered that question answer this almighty DC....how caome , if we evolved from monkeys is there still monkeys running arouynd in monkey form.....is there an evolved form of sock monkeys?-keglineq and pumpkinmuncher
well jonathan has gotten fat from sitting on his ass eating bad food... he grins because he thinks he's all wonderful now, that he can just whine about how love sucks and wah wah he has to fuck lots of willing people... well how sad and maybe you should just beat the fuck out of him to remind him what pain really is again... and sock monkeys are not genetically related to any life on this planet...

how? -keglineq
tell the others... it takes 4

what do u get if u cross breed a sock monkey with glove?- pumpkinmuncher
sock monkey puppet

How come the new questions suck??? Like mine?
well you suck, and like many of the others you don't give me cash which makes you suck worse

I don't like apple sauce. If we can have applesauce, why can't we have cherry sauce? cherry sauce would taste a lot better because cherries are good and more people like cherries. Cherries make us happy. How about we make some cherry sauce together? How's Friday?--Cherry Girl
apple sauce is kinda sick to have all swished around in your mouth... cherry sauce would suck because i don't like cherries that much... but i will make cherry sauce with you on friday... we'll get nice and sticky

the chickens are on fire...and the ceiling is laughing at me...stop it!
the chickens are just messing with your mind and the ceiling needs to be pissed on to shut it up

When is the next Croatian underwater masturbating llama convention, using cheese wire? STE
November 24th, 8PM... bring your own goggles... contact your local leader for transportation and accomedations

Is there anything bigger than a Killion? BARCLAY
a kabilmiltrimibuxhectilfrunkilbillion

why does a woman have a hairy ass?
ask her... for all you know it could be a medical thing and then wouldn't you feel bad? yea me neither but it had to be said

Don't you think that single-sex girl schools produce women who drink from the "furry cup", if you know what I'm getting at? BARCLAY
i knew a barclay once... or was it berkley? either way he had some serious computer addiction problems.... and he became a spider once... but anyways no i don't think it produces women like that, and if they do in your area... then please call me to come down and monitor the situation with webcams

Why does Hannah smell like a burning building?
well first of all i'd like to know how large this 'hood' is and how it is that all these people can fit into it at once

Suzi has a detachable penis, should I be worried?
not at all unless it gets lost on the bus

what if frogs ruled the world and made us eat frogspawn???
as long as i still get my internet and music then i'd eat it

what if my pills ever run out?
we all have to live with that fear... but have faith in the pill-givers... they need us to eat the pills to keep them alive so there will always be pills... always be pretty little pills for everyone to solve everything

So can we go out on tuesday and don't give me that line your busy go out with me dammit?
well i have to make sticky stuff with someone... oh that's friday... then you can come over tuesday but bring some food and coffee and when i get bored of you then i want you to leave as soon as i say to

I'll pay?
sign me up then

If there was an otherside what would it be like?
i always imagined it'd be purple and kinda warm... maybe have some stuff to do... chill for awhile

So if there was the cat and the dog who came next?
the little boy for the dog and cat to feast on for dinner

Will you run rampant with me? I won't go nude though I refuse, and put your clothes on please?
if we're not nude then whats the point... well... a good insanity romp is fun... ok i'll get dressed and go with you

Do I look like a drunken sailor? - Mzebonga
more importantly... do you fuck like one?

Can I stand around with yellow jello on the wednesday?
no... jello is not allowed

Are you good at sex? Like are you good at the positions? And are you good at foreplay and will you hug me afterwards?
i always get an A for effort in 'the positions'... i have practised foreplay but haven't been officially tested so maybe i'll hug you if you agree to point me in the direction of a testing facility... and does anyone want to help me study?

So if it hurt both times then I might do it again ?
probably... i mean sometimes the pain feels good

Sometimes pink spandex is unnessesary?
it is NEVER necessary... and nor is white spandex on axl necessary

And sometimes I go a little bit insane?
but it's so fun... fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

Can I help you?
yes, i would like a large coffee with 2 sugars... can i drive through now?

Sometimes people should just do their jobs?
sometimes? we should all do our jobs... 

Are we pushing the daises?
some of us are... others will do so in a little while

Can you handle boats?
i love boats and can handle them as long as someone else drives them

I need those dust bunnies cleared away again somehow they found their way back? Mysterious isn't it?
they always return... there is no escape... no escape... 

What would you do If you had one day to spend with Mike Patton?
i'd make him take me to the recording studio to see what goes on... then have him record a bunch of stuff for me so i can make my own songs... and i'd buy a copy of tomahawk from him cuz they don't have it at the cd store here yet... oh... and i'd have him teach me how to scream without it hurting

Is there a freaks annonymous place? You know where freaks go to become human?
this is basically freaks anonymous... and a real freak doesn't want to become human...

Sometimes you are just breathtaking?
well who isn't when they first wake up and have no coffee?

Can you give that back, its private?
fine... but i've already showed it to all my friends and family

I think you are great and Jcp is great also when are we going to see more pictures?
thanx!...  jcp has the camera for business purposes so it may be awhile longer... sally has generously submitted some photos to me though and i will upload a few of those shortly

goodbye sober day?
hello milky way

what is your favorite band after faith no more? last time you said... "That's a tough one... among the possible answers are Korn, Type O Negative (although their new album BLOWS), Smashing Pumpkins, Pop Will Eat Itself, David Bowie, Mr. Bungle, Godsmack, Alice In Chains, and plenty others... It really depends on my mood!"   has this changed?
well i don't like type o negative anymore... i've grown weary of them... and you can now add tomahawk to that list... and godsmack is ok but shouldn't be on my fav band list

what's your idea of the perfect job
having one of my favorite bands paying me to oversee their website, create all the content/graphics, write articles for it and interview them and stuff and get all their cds free and get to travel around with them to see the many hotel rooms of the world so i can take pictures and write articles for this site... oh and the band can use any of the lyrics i've written cuz there's no way that i'll ever use them

humans are stupid. i dont want to be human. cani be a cat? or a sock monkey? - Fido Dido
you are stuck being a human until we can free up some more sock monkey bodies... and that is assuming that you'll pass all the rigorous testing needed to become a sock monkey

How much money should I get for sexual favours??? I think I'm being ripped off....
well you come over here... perform all your sexual favors on me and i'll tell you how much you should charge

Are you getting bored of answering the same meaningless questions???
sometimes yes... but if you send me money it will all be worth it

Am I annoying you? What About Now? Or Now?  Now?
yes

Yes, I do fuck like a drunk sailor but only in good ways. I don't suffer from brewers droop as I'm usually sober. Is this satisfactory? - Mzebonga
yes it will do for now but don't get lazy and stop

Why haven't you done the october results. I want to see if I got a good answer award. - Mzebonga
yea yea... i'm getting to it... jcp has been doing it lately and i'm just not as good as her

Who wants to live forever? - Mzebonga
not i

what is sex?
i'm not sure but if you come here i'll show you what i think it is...

What is the biggest mistake i have made in my life?
that time you agreed to eat that pudding even though you didn't know it was not pudding at all

I got a question for ya... What the hell does that woman from "The Weakest Link" have stuck up her ass??? huh??? shes a total hag !
she? oh... i wasn't aware it was a she

If your mouth is a blistering 98% then when it gets cold out couldn't we just stick our hands on our mouth?
do you know how many germs are on your hands? too many to go around sticking them into your mouth...

Why not jello? It's red?
jello is some sick shit

Why do the dust bunnies keep returning and how can I get rid of them for good? Sally
there is no escape unless you lick the floor every day to ensure they don't come back

So how come Sally gets to send in pictures can i send stuff in?
well we're going to start doing that soon... we'll allow some of you freaks to send in photos

If you get your perfect job with the band I want to take the pictures ,can I ? , I like taking pictures. Sally
well no, but only because i want it to be part of my job... 

Maybe we should go to otherside together then?
yes... NOW

The ceiling laughs at everyone if you throw a rock at it that will totally shut the wanker up right?
usually... unless it's being lippy and then you gotta slap it silly

whats your favourite position?
in

Some foreplay could involve some rope,whipped cream,chocolate sauce,a leather strap,silk scarf,massage oil,use your mouth and hands alot and and put that tongue in a few places as well.Use you imagination?
i don't want to eat the whipped cream but won't object to it being there... and i ALWAYS use my imagination

I have to ask this what does a drunken sailor fuck like?
well i was drunk at the time so i forget... how about this time you get drunk and report back

So how people go to me your weird then you look at them and think they are weird,why do some people think they are normal and they aren't?
everyone has their own 'version' of reality and most times their version sucks

So how often do you see jcp?
too often for her liking... almost every day

What would happen if you didn't have the internet? Have you ever been without it for a period of time?
well then i'd have to amuse myself some other way like reading or flinging things out my window... yes i have i have been known to be without the internet for up to a week... but that hasn't happened in quite some time

when are the October questionnaire questions going to be answered?
soon damnit

this site is my favourite place on earth. why? -keglineq
well because its a wonderful place to be... and we're working on more stuff (and yes your damned questionnaire results!) so keep coming back...

on the questionnaire answers, in the answers to the question "what's the most insane thing you've ever done while drunk or stoned," ninja x said that he hijacked a plane and crashed it into the pentagon. wasn't that questionnaire pre- 9/11? if so, that's some trippy shit.
i doubt that it is before that happened

the american version of who wants to be a millionaire must be for retards cos the questions are so easy. how come americans seem to be so stupid and had to steal the gameshow. does canada have a version?? -keglineq
i don't know because i don't watch those sort of shows... i'm not a huge fan of television in general

how often should i clean my ears?-the on hoo cnt spel
hourly with sticks

What would happen if you didn't have music?
i would throw myself from a building

can you guess where i am and how come me and my friends always ask questions???
you are in a large box and you ask questions because you can

who is Qbryzan????? -keglineq
he is Qbryzan... insane guy from the outside... we know as much as you do about him

it's cold and the window is open but i can't reach. what should i do? -keglineq
give up and write a goodbye letter in the carpet with your guts

ever had a bikini wax??? would you ever???????????????? that full brazillian one? ow?? -keglineq
no and no

are you sick of me yet? -keglineq
almost but not quite yet... it's fido dido who needs to be beaten

suzi's turning green. is it anything to do with her detachable penis?? did you know she is also pumkinmuncher and that one who can't spell but proved herself wrong when she spelt everything right in her question?
too bad for suzi and i'm not your vet or doctor... instead of talking about a detachable penis, we should be discussing the state of smell today... i mean smells waft by... and then disappear and i'm not even sure what it is i'm smelling anymore

why does joanna chuckle so heartily?
i don't know but its pissin me off

what age are you and are you free on saturday?
i'm 24 and i'm not sure yet... why

when does puberty hit for a sock monkey?
the second our butts are sewn up

Is romance important?
romance? never heard of it

What would you reccommend?
waydowntown... the dark tower series by stephen king and the pasta

So what issues does jcp have with pattons voice?
she seems to really like it and all his music... 

So what does jcp's husband think of her site?
i haven't asked him... i think he likes it though

what is the effect on plants with colored light
a severe beating to you for asking

why does this site suck so bad?
its all that crap that sanimal wrote and that lady in Yukon who writes us letters saying that we have bad manners

can you show me how to make balloon animals
yes... here you go

Why are humans amused by the stupidest things? Is technology making people extremely lazy, causing them to become even dumber than they already were?-Meowmix
humans are just stupid so they're easy to amuse... and some technology is making people lazy... i blame society

Surley there's always room for jello? - Mzebonga
i'm sure there is room for it, but i'm not putting that shit down my throat

I want to be the first person to get a good question award for not really writing a question. So, I have to think up something insightful and interesting to write about. I find myself at a loss. The point is that, I think, te world has lost all its insight and interest, we live in a world dominated by Republicans and NRA members, it's a very scary but also very stupid and dangerous world we live in nowadays. I'm inclined to believe that the stupider an American politician is, the more power he can acquired, do I need to raise the name of Jesse Ventura the senator for Minnesota and for wrestler? What's going on with all of this crap? (Damn! I asked a question. Ho hum, I best cover it up and make it look rhetorical). The point is, regardless of the whos and wheres, things just appear to be finding the lowest common denominator. Like Beavis and Butthead, there are very few advanced principle filtering down to those who are at the lowest level, he politicians keep all the difficult bits and the bits that might not look so good away from the ordinary people and contribute to the "dumbing down" of modern day society. No wonder when I walk down the street, all I see is morons. So, I say, demand more from your politicians and hold them to account, it is your democratic duty. And if you'll believe that, you'll believe anything. I'm a monkey, you're a banana: I'm gonna easy you all up - after I've peeled you. If this gets a long answer I would be very surprised and I may even offer my sexual skills up for a free trial to all regular InsaneDomain visitors. Isn't that kind? - Mzebonga
you'll always find your way through it all, for the wise man is the one who realizes that everyone else is stupid and must be exploited for our own good but at the same time you don't want to do that to people who aren't selfish horrible driving assholes who need to be instead killed with a coat hanger and perhaps some corn flakes and as you can now tell i'm only going to type a lot of stuff that really has no direct connection to what you wrote above so that you will be confused enough to give us all free sexual favors...

Why didn't you give me a good question award? - Mzebonga
well if i just gave it away to any old question then it wouldn't be that great for those who did ask a good question

What the hell I'm not a freak your the freak dammit. I know I'm a bit wierd but only sometimes. I thought I might be special or something?Sally
yes i am the freak... and everyone is special in their own special way... at least that's what my mom says

my friend has a problem with rogue nasal hairs, shes asked me why boys wont talk to her but i dont have the heart to tell her that her nose hairs make me want to upchuck my intestines, what should i do DC??? (ive kinda got used to her webbed feet and i dont think thats why she gets no attention cause they're not that visible)-the on hoo cnt spel
have a sleepover and do them while she's asleep... or sit down with her and tell her... or just reach over one day and give them a nice yank and then say 'oh i'm sorry i thought it was a hamster."

What happen you stop to think for a while... and then forget to start again??
that happens a lot when i'm forced to go to family functions ... my one aunt and uncle live in this rich neighborhood and the stupidity of what goes on is incredible... i'm not sure but i think that each item in the house has been chosen to make you feel uncomfortable... so we sit in their 'sitting room' (a whole room for sitting on horrible furniture) and stare out the window talking about shit for hours until they feed you and you can finally leave... i begin to think again on the way home (for i would never stop thinking completely until i die or i become just like the rest of those fuckers out there that i hate so much) and on the way home i think about how petty most of my family is and what grandma's problem is with fat people

last time i looked i had 10 toes now i seem to be sprouting 3 every half an hour or so how can i stop this visicious circle of sprouting toes?-the on hoo cnt spel
cut them off, put them in jars and sell them to hospitals for all those people who lose theirs at work... you could make millions... so be sure to send some my way (money, not toes)

hail stones hurt...........why?PM
i'm not sure... try catching some of those large ones in your mouth though.. its fun

Why some people think romance is important ?
i'm not sure... it's the art of distracting someone into thinking you're cool long enough for you fuck them

define gibberish cause i be thinkin i do gibber-the on hoo cnt spel
gibberish is just crap with no thought... nonsense is when you've said something that others don't want to think about so they say "that's nonsense"

beware the rath of HERILOGRAPS (praise be) cause he is visiting the earth again
this isn't a question... and i will not give praise to anyone who doesn't give me money to do so... unless i like them and think they need praise

how l,ong until you want to beat me?? -keglineq
i've wanted to beat you from the beginning... everyone is on my list of 'To Be Beaten'... its just a matter of where you are on that list

cinematic orchestra?? -keglineq
i've seen many orchestras perform and i would have to say that the flutes bother me greatly

physics is next. what is after?? -keglineq
going home to think about physics and getting off this stupid planet

St Germain???-the on hoo cnt spel
there are lots of germans out there

suzi is cackling insanely while sending questions in for you to answer. should i be scared?? -keglineq
always be scared... i don't know when the announcement came to everyone saying "Everything is great.  No need to worry about others around you or your actions."  I mean of course there is a danger in flying, of course there is a danger in being in a tall building, of course others are out to get you, of course there are religious idiots out there who just want to make things suck for you, of course there are people who's insanity isn't all that funny, of course everyone in the world sucks ass in some way and the odds are the idiots in majority will never really be all that smart... so always be scared

when the when the rythm starts to play will you dance with me and make me sway?
only if you promise to put out afterwards

state the obvious please? -keglineq
the sun is pretty big compared to the earth's size

can we really run rampant here?? -keglineq
yes, but leave your socks on so we don't have to get the floors done again... you know if we ever do get a store or something for the domain in real life, you will be welcome to run around rampantly naked in it all you want

forum? -keglineq
i've heard rumors but you know how reliable those are

messy hair? why? because joanna stroked it......apparently there's a difference between stroking and playing -keglineq
yes there is... stroking is consistent while playing is sort of random... you can come over and do both to my tail

rock, punk or alternative? -keglineq
i'll take all three together

keqlineq is mucho clever, i think u should give her a colum to write in your site.(possibly about the effects of sellotaping your fingers together and trying to type) whad'ya think?-the on hoo cnt spel
well everyone seems to think they need their own column do they?  well if we put everyones stuff online then that would be a lot of work for stuff that isn't ours... but since jcp seems to like you people (i don't know why you're all brats) she says that she'll be making an area to have you people submit your own stuff

guess what i am? -keglineq
a bird

will you beat me now? -keglineq
yes

how many questions are too many questions? well? tell me! how many? are u gonna tell me? why arent u telling me? is this too many?-the on hoo cnt spel
there are so many questions... they haunt me in my sleep... but keep me getting up in the morning

what part of the world would you like to visit?
any part i haven't seen... but if all the stupid people in the planet and shit like that was gone then i'd see egypt, china, england, basically europe and then come back and see the rest of canada... then go see south america and africa.

Is it good to be around the mini bar?
yes it is... all the drunk people end up coming back for more and you just take your pick

Who started stupidity?
the humans

I want to know what the deal with bellybuttons and the lint that they contain is? And who has the sexiest bellybutton? Do you like bellybutton jewellry? What is the best way to get great abs to show off your bellybutton? How does the lint get in there? Do sockmonkeys like to eat the lint out of bellybuttons? Is there a conspiracy about the whole situation?
i already told someone about the lint... check page 30 or 29 for it... hmm... i can't come up with anyone off the top of my head with a sexy bellybutton as i usually aren't paying attention to them... and on some people bellybutton jewelry is quite sexy... i would suspect that working out would get you great abs but i have no further information available on that subject... yes sock monkeys like to eat the lint, but we'll eat anything (well i won't eat meat either but not all sock monkeys are vegetarians) and there is ALWAYS a conspiracy going on about everything

Is nude the best way to go?
sometimes... send me pictures and make sure to keep socks on

Whats the best way for me to embarass you?
this sounds like a trick

Why haven't I got a green Good Question Award yet? Witto
you haven't asked a good question

Why haven't I asked you a question for a few days? Witto
you were out collecting money on street corners to send to me

Why aren't red or grey socks sexy? Witto
sure they are... just not together

What does this do? Witto
i'm not sure but that light went off

How do you do what you do to me? If I knew how you do what you do to me, then I'd do it to you. Witto
well i can tell you how to do it to me

Can I have a sock monkey? Witto
not yet... you haven't gone through the proper training yet

To be or not to be? Witto
if given the choice i'd go with NOT for many people

What for? Witto
well they're stupid and shouldn't be here to take up space and food

Left or right? Witto
right, but i can write with both hands

How big is it? Witto
depends on the day and what i'm thinking about

Is it okay to have a fantasy about hammering Jesus in the doo-doo hole while he masturbates to photos of livestock while you watch Santa laying a turd on a strippers tum? Witto
yes... you are allowed to have fantasies about anything you want

What's that? Over there? You know, that! There look! Witto
it looks like a large pile of shit and blubber... oh no wait... that's the lady from next door

whats the dealio with this site???? are u trying to impress someone??
we're trying to impress our pets, some old people and the wives of rock stars

Vic Reeves or Bob Mortimer? Sausage Rolls or Cheese and Onion Pasties? The theory of evolution for sock monkeys - discuss.
neither cuz i have no idea who they are... cheese & onion cuz i don't eat meat... and i can't disclose that information to you or i will be forced to slap your ass with something nasty (i'm not sure what yet)

Why is it taking so long for the answers to be posted from the questionaire? Also I'd like to know: why they don't make ceiling tiles out a cheese? that way it could age and then they could change them every few months. Why don't they? --InsaneLane
it's done damint so enough already!  as for the cheese ceiling tiles... well if they were cheese then lots of people would be on their chairs trying to get some for their sandwiches and then all the smart people who don't fall off their chairs will be stuck doing all the work

How is it that you work as a computer consultant but somehow can't handle putting the results together? Should I be looking for a new sock monkey to answer questions or can you still handle that? You suck freak! -JCP
grrrrrr.... as if any other sock monkey could possibly do this... you couldn't possibly lure another out of the rainforest to do your nasty website updating

hahaha... you're such a fucking loser! i say you get fired and we get to beat you with bats ... what do you think???? should i enter all my questions in twice in case you lose the first one? SAnimal
i think we should fire YOU ... i certainly don't see any SAnimal section that is getting any sort of visits

if i ate everyone here, would the flag still sing "umpa-umpa", and dance with the midnight president of the mole people? - Fido Dido.
yes, but don't eat SAnimal because he's a bitter piece of shit

can i beat witto? - Fido Dido
only on a friday

eat them all, and is it true? damn them all, and is it false? - Fido Dido
yes and not always... for damning doesn't do the damage that eating does

secs. thats all thats on tv nowadays. secs. and sects. just sects. join the dots to from a person, and eat their bollocks stuffed with a light cheese sauce. yes? - Fido Dido
i prefer a heavy cheese sauce spread across my ass cheeks... what were we talking about? i got distracted by the idea of having heavy cheese sauce spread across my ass cheeks and yes i said it twice cuz that's how good it feels

Hi DC Thanks for the Good Question award!!! i so im friends with those strange people, one of which is keglineg, anywho...i was wondering since u like socks so much for some reason, what is ur favortie kind and where is ur favoorite place to wear then apart from on ur feet?? - Wolfram
people actually know each other and admit to it on this site? how insane... the soft warm type are my favorite and they have to have the shape so i know exactly where my heel goes in it too... i hate those stupid socks that try to be all PC and let me decide where i want my own heel to go but damnit that kind of creativity is just a waste of time... i like to wear them on my hands and put on sock puppet shows

Do you prefere normal socks...or socks with individual toe holes, and why?? - Wolfram
when i am in a 'party' mood i like to wear the ones with individual toe holes... for the average day i prefer normal socks

I saw the link saying to tell you how stupid you are and I could resist. You are the following: Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. That's a whole lot of stupid, which just about makes you normal. Shall we get drunk and kill God? How about just killing the British Royal Family? - Mzebonga
yes i know i didn't mean to delete them... jcp and her big mouth... i will gladly take out the royal family, as we all know they exist right now... well most of them

what is happening to the What Ifs? My can't I find the new ones!!! Is it because my 2 wives are both mad at me? --InsaneLane
they haven't been updated and i refuse to do them so jcp can do them her damn self since she's so perfect at putting together all the answers and stuff so THERE

How can you fuck someone like an animal AND feel them from the inside??
well if you are fucking them, then that means that you have something inside of them that is part of you (unless it's a strap on or something but we'll pretend that this is just involving a guy and girl)... so if the guys dick is in the chick and if the guy can feel his dick then he should be able to both fuck like an animal and feel (through his dick) from the inside... unless this is meant to mean that the fucking happens first, then perhaps the skinning of the other person to wear their skin as a costume... in which case they would feel the other person from the inside too... 

Can I buy all the whores for sale? I want them so I can throw rocks at them and so that I can vent all my anger out onto them. Sally
yes you may... i think mzebonga has been returned so i'll give you discount... you may throw all the rocks you want and vent any anger that you've ever felt

Sometimes you just need to be soothed? Butterfly's Crazy
yes i do... would you like to come comfort me?

Sometimes you just need to have a friend?Butterfly's Crazy
sometimes but i can always put my sock on my hand and pretend i have one... or even a girlfriend

Sometimes do you think you give bad advice?Butterfly's Crazy
never

Oh don't be like that? Butterfly's Crazy
too bad for you unless you'd like to comfort me

Don't even bother explaining I still blame you,It was all you ,you ,you? Sally
yes it was me and i admit it... go on... give me a good spanking

That was totally uncalled for? Butterfly's Crazy
i don't see why it wasn't

Would you rather a sockmonkey or a human for your companion? Which is better? Butterfly's Crazy
sock monkey because the body is easier to dispose of without questions... besides... humans talk too much

No its not a trick honest?
yea i just bet

Do you really wanna beat me? Where am I the list I'll just runaway anyway and I don't deserve it. Sally
i want to beat everyone... nothing personal... you're not real high up on my list yet... there is a whole family tree, coworkers and ex-classmates that need to be dealt with before i start tracking down others

have you seen my chip?, last time i looked it was on my shoulder but it seems to have gone missing-the on hoo cnt spel
i think i sat on it... when it works its way out again i'll be sure to return it

How do u find sooo much time to answer all these questions? - Wolfram
i usually answer them when i wake up... i just work the time into my day cuz i'm online at most points anyways

i appear to also have lost my marbles and i have a big match comming up so if you see them can you send them to me pls?-the on hoo cnt spel
yes... i put the marbles up my nose... i'll dig them out later

why are my friends attracted to animated characters or different species? (aladdin and strangely enough simba)

insert green dinosaur/dragon here please?
right.. as if that will work

I've noticed that the "regulars" aren't getting as many good question awards. Have we exhausted all our questions? - Mzebonga
i'm trying to push you to the next level of insanity... i know you can do it

So if there was a pickle on the ground would you eat it?
sure why not

Whatever happened to Kellykins?
kellykins is still around!  she hangs out with jcp and apparently they are 'kidders' and people say they're always 'kidding' around... i'm not the only person here with issues as you can tell...

what would happen if I had un protected sex with a peacock, and I found out I was pregnant afterwards?
well you should know the consequences of having sex with an unprotected cock.. you should get yourself checked for diseases too... and stay away from the petting zoo from now on... 

So the next level of insanity, is that like play station 2's third place? And what is the third place any way? And if the third place is so special, and I pressume the first places is here and now, then what is the second place? Is like the first place a developing place, the third place a developed place and the second place a place with communist government? - Mzebonga
the third place is that uncertain gray area where 1 and 2 didn't seem to fit, but you suspect that one of them was supposed to and that you must be strange for not thinking that it fit right and is there any such thing as a perfect fit anyways and if so... it doesn't last forever... just for that moment of perfection... the communists have nothing to do with it for once

whats worse to eat yellow snow or red snow?
depends on why it's red... if it's just blood then fine... but if some chick has recently given birth in the snow and the little bits that come out with a baby are left on the snow... then i would eat the yellow snow instead

Ok Lifetime television for woman? Isn't also tv for gay men?
well i'm not sure... why do you watch it?  i know that once i came across this show where this stupid chick was trying to fix thing (i think it's called a repair to remember or anything i can do) but this chick has got to be the dumbest person on the planet... why anyone would pay this chick anything to even wake up in the morning is beyond me and you should all write her hate letters telling her how stupid she is... anyways... how can a channel be just for women or just for men?  i mean whoever watches it watches it... 

What does the 'DC' in your name actually mean...?
demon child

Is everyone insane, in one form or another?
most people no... they're just stupid... only smart people are insane because some bit of you has to be insane to deal with all the stupid people...

Who'd win in an Indian leg wrestling match, Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro? Even Robert DeNiro himself couldn't answer this one... can you, almighty DC?
i'll go with robert deniro cuz his mean faces are way more scary then al's... plus i think he'd be more willing to play dirty

i know you think that youve posted the question results...but you havnt. just letting you know... i suppose id better glorify this with a question. i dont suppose you could tell we why faeries insist on inhabiting our pool table? they make playing rather difficult. - frazicus
yes i have... just letting YOU know... and if you would just ask the faeries directly then i'm sure they would reply.. but you think you're too good for fairy folk don't you?  yea that's what i thought... 

is sanimal anal retentive?
he is just a huge asshole... 

To be honest I think if you had any other sockmonkey on here it just wouldn't be the same. Dc Just wasn't thinking I'm sure ,what were you thinking?
no it wouldn't be the same... and i wasn't thinking so shut up... i only deleted about 6 peoples replies and then jcp had to get all yappy about it ... ingrates!

How would you like to be comforted? Butterfly's Crazy?
you can start by rubbing my tail...

Well okay it is a trick but come on humor me here?
well i would humor you but i have no socks on to make puppets out of and perform plays for you

What is the next level of insanity ? I don't think I can do it. Sally
oh i know you can... just a little more sugar and you'll be ready for anything....

why did god put men on this earth
that's like asking why santa made all his elves short

how big is the average dildo?
well i wasn't sure since i prefer the larger ones... so i phoned your mother and she informed me that the average was about 6 to 8 inches and that she prefers the type that have disney characters on them

omg!! i can't beleive you did that :( you lost some of myanswers from the questionnaire :(:( okmaybe it was for the best cos lets face it i'm notparticularly funny but my compis crap and my spacebar is broken andi'm confused!!!! help me? i can get you a tomahawk cd.... -keglineq
i'm sorry i lost your answers... i will gladly help you do anything for a tomahawk cd... i still don't have a copy!

Why is it so damn hot in here?
because you have a fever

Why do some people think they are funny and then they're not?
it happens all the time... they are amused by themselves and don't notice that no one else is laughing with them

If it were okay to bang on drums would you?
yes.. in fact once i have the space to do so... i want to get some drums and start pounding on them

When is it ever okay to get dressed up in a cowboy/cowgirl outfit?
when is it NOT ok?!

You should take a look in the mirror and tell me what you see?
a monkey with an attitude and a lovely tail

So would you go along with that?
maybe... depends on how late it was

So if there was a cat and a dog in a fight who would win and why?
the cat... the dog is just a pawn in the cats scheme to take over the world

You know those damn inbreds from the south they are so tapped?
tapped? i don't know what that term means...

I just can't seem to get enough of you?
alright... how about you go and get me some stuff then? there's a few cds i'd like...

Why is it so hard to get used to someone elses bad habits when they move in with you and even though you have lived with them a while its still hard?
well it comes down to just wanting to be able to do what we want and since all people suck no matter who  you move in with will always do SOMETHING to piss you off

During the days of my foolish youth, I used to throw things down the stairs, sometimes even myself, simply to see what would happen when they reach the bottom. Often times the things I lobbed would smash themselves to pieces, myself being no exception. Now, as a result, the only way I can stay together is through the magic that is tape and staples.. but tape and staples only go so far. My brain has never been the same, and I fear I am slowly going insane.. just yesterday I found myself discussing my life story with a waffle (a chocolate chip waffle, I might add), and much to my suprise, after about an hour of somewhat one-sided conversation, the waffle finally spoke. It told me that being a waffle isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and that I shouldn't even compare my miserable life with that of a lonesome waffle. I realized the error of my ways and apologized to the waffle, and now it is my friend. My question is this, DC the wise... am I going crazy? Or is this waffle genuinely speaking to me?
you are going crazy but no more then needed as i too would throw things down stairs to see them smash... and yes the waffle spoke to you... those chocolate chip waffles are feisty

Wouldn't you like to be a pepper, too?
hell no they piss me off

Hey DC! It's me your grandma Nanna! I miss you! Please come home! I love you! I want to make you a fruitcake pie like old times.
fruitcake is sick... and i'm not home right now so maybe you should go away for a few more years

are you there
no... but please leave and someone will be sure not to get back to you

if it was not me then why do i feel so dam guilty all the time i only wanted to hurt him how did i know he had a dodgy heart, can you forgive me?
nope... not in the forgiving mood today... can i hurt you for a little bit? that would amuse me for awhile

when i go for a wee it smells like sugarpuffs is this normal?
no its not normal to go around sniffing your own piss... put it in jars and store them in your closet like the rest of us

is the sock monkey a real person?
of course i'm a real sock monkey... didn't you see my damn picture???

why dont you call me anymore?
i don't like you anymore... you stopped rubbing my tail nicely

If roses are red and violets are blue, up is the opposite of down, the moon isn't made of cheese and I can count to 342, what colour pants am I wearing? Witto
you aren't wearing any pants... that's why you were thrown off the bus this morning

What do you thimk? Or don't you think? Witto
i think when i'm paid to

I used to turn to the bottle for entertainment. It was great for awhile, getting tanked every damn day, but now that damn bottle expects me to amuse myself with it every friggin' chance I get. It's even gone as far as to dance a jig at my feet and sing me a song to convince me to give it just another shot. This is getting out of hand... should I give in and smash the f*** out of it, or just continue on with this little charade until my liver starts to go into spasms?
smash the fuck out of it and send in pictures of it's shattered remains

Why does the male seahorse carry the embryos? Witto
to annoy and confuse... i mean seahorses are just creepy to begin with... 

Why aren't men encouraged to wear frilly bras and underwear? Or is it just me who thinks this? Witto
it is just you who thinks it... i see encouragement for that kind of behavior everywhere

Androgyny.. what's the deal? What are they trying to prove?
i know it's just too happy the way they did it... but we'll be doing our own version soon... 

Can I have a stinky butt monkey award please? Witto
um... no

Is there anything smaller than a sand? How about a salt? Or a flour? Witto
i think that an atom is smaller... but i could be horribly wrong causing the world to disappear

How much is infinity? Witto
an awful lot plus a bit more

How low would you go? Witto
depends on my state of mind and what i hope to achieve

I want to break a rule, so the cheque is in the post. Here comes the gibberish bit. Hooby flooby strickle poop. Dunkey slosh fookin mojotspant? Queueueuety ropinhaaz? Witto
fine but i better see it SOON... and i'm only letting it through this once

Have you ever thought about starting a sock monkey training school? If not why not? I'm sure there are lots of people out there who would benefit enormously from gaining the ability to hold a fully licensed and DC endorsed sock monkey. The course could entail things like rudimentary feeding patterns for sock monkeys, television viewing habits and an introduction to sock monkey hygiene, as I understand this area in particular holds some confusion. You could then introduve a more advanced course for multiple sock monkey carers, helping society to become more tolerant of the little fellas. Just a thought, but one I think has great potential. Witto
that is a great idea and perhaps i will take on such a project in the future when i have more funds available unless you would like to donate some to me... 

why has my cat turned into a teridactal and it goes 'ahhhhhh! ahhhhhh! ahhhhhh!' really loud at me
you're cat is just blind and deaf so he screams until someone picks him up to let him know that there are still people out there

What Is Sexual Harrasment?
if you come here for a few hours i'll show you some examples

what is a stroma
that thing that makes noises at night and no matter what you do you can't find it to smash it

If someone with multiple personalites threatnes to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? - Wolfram
well that all depends... you would have to speak to each personality to determine if any of them actually want to live

so who do you like better? me or me?
i prefer me all the way

It's Nanna again! Remember you used to love fruit cake smothered in mustard and oil? What has happend to you? Kiki and Baba miss you. I see you are still wearing the elf shoes I knitted for you when you were just a boy. Won't you please come home?
i have never liked fruitcake and you are just one of those imposter grannies who want to pinch my cheeks

I'm so sorry. I ate a milk carton. The ching chang man told me to play the dictionary. can i eat now?
yes you may... but only another milk carton

how can my site become a link on your site?
you go to this form and request a link... and if you want to give us money (for real) then go here

ok so heres the deal. i forgot to take my pills this moring and right now i am feeling quite bad. but as i am in school i have no access to my home. i could phone my mother but that would mean using precious texting credit off my phone and i am really getting very agitated and disturbed. joanna doesn'yt believe me when i say i take them. is this disturbing and should i phone my mum??
yes you should... unless of course you will go insane and hide all the toilet paper in the school... and i'd kick joanna's ass if i were you

where did you get your funky elf shoes? -keglineq
my mother made them for me... there is a hat to go with it too

is the tomahawk cd not out there yet?? cos it's out here mwhahahahahahahahaha :P -keglineq
damnit... well i am trying to get to the one record store that might have it and if i could find my damn credit card then i could order it online... but sigh... and yes i know its out there... i will obtain it!!! or you can send me your copy

is there anyway that i could send you a link to me and my friends site but secretly so that joanna will never know??? -keglineq
yes... go to this form and don't let joanna see you do it

when someone laughs hysterically is it legal to hit them??
i think it's legal to slap them across the face a few times

what do u do if orange juice starts coming out of ur nose?
get a glass and fill it up... then you've got some orange juice to drink

somebodys poisoned the water hole, what should i do?
piss in it... that will show them all

someone is using my arm against me. they are swinging it to and fro and hitting the desk, me and others wuth. she has just made me touch the teachers bum and he is now looking at me strangely. should i turn violently on joanna or not??
yes... i've already told you to kick her ass damnit!

why do homeless people smell of urine?
to keep those religious freaks away from them

Suzi is a lemming, can we do anything to help this poor creature?
push her off a ledge

My BSB hoodie got ripped. What should I do?
freak out and take out a few houses
i was only informed later that BSB could stand for back street boy and
 in that case i think you should be shot for even coming on this site with that kind of taste

Touchdown Seattle!!! Do you ever think that would ever happen??
well i haven't touched seattle ... so don't blame me... and i would never do that sort of thing

how long is too long for smiling inanely???????
four decades

i keep forgetting to put my name after my questions. is this good or bad? -keglineq
for you it is bad... for me it is irrelevant... although i do want to hurt joanna now

Can sockmonkeys 'keep it up' for long??
yes... and my tail even has a wire in it to keep it stiff even longer

almighty DC - ha ha ha - who are u kidding?
no one i know

i found this in a singles column: ' one sexy knee sock looking for 'sole' mate with preferably less than 2 holes' are you interested? cause i can fix you two up-the on hoo cnt spel
that sounds delightful... i am interested unless it's some granny knee sock

If I stump up 25% of the cash for the sock monkey training school would you be willing to chip in too? What do you reckon the chances of gaining sponsorship deals or gifts of money are? ( I'm not afraid to sell my body either, if you can find someone who wants it that is....) Witto
well we'd still have to find another 75%... i can chip in a few pounds of kitty litter and flaming hoops to jump through... we will sell Mzebonga's body and yours on the site...

Do I have to ask a question? Oh wait, that Is a question.... Aha! Got it, I'm going to make a statement. Thanks for the good question award, it means a lot to me. I'm sure everyone remembers their first one. I know I will. Witto
yes you do have to ask a question... and i always remember the first one i got too

My toaster has started to beat me. It started off with him being generally abusive when he was drunk. Then one day he got home and saw that the raw toast came in a packet labelled 'Bread'. On seeing this he just went mad, throwing waffles, teacakes and crumpets at me. Then one day he raised his.... flex... I'm sorry, this is difficult to talk about... and he ......HIT me. Now it is a regular thing, he'll go out, get tanked up on electrons, come back and threaten to toast me, while beating me around the head with his crumb tray. I'm at my wits end, I don't know what to do. Or which way to turn. Can you help? Witto
i suggest that you unplug the little bitch and then beat it to a pulp with a baseball bat... sometimes thats just the way things need to be handled... have i mentioned that my friend has a girlfriend who should be removed in such a manner???  and if she reads this... then YES you stupid bitch i'm talking about YOU so DIE already

If you fart, and smell it, and someone says 'The one who smelt it dealt it', and you come back with: 'The one who said the rhyme comitted the crime' he can retort with 'The one who denied it supplied it' But what can you use to get out of that one? Witto
your fist repeatedly smashing into their face tends to end the conversation

Can you get arrested for molesting sock monkies? Witto
only if they don't like it or you don't pay them

Why do americans call toilets John? Why not Derek, or Freda? Witto
there is a real story about this but i don't know it and am too lazy to go find it... so i'll just say that some guy named john made the whole thing up to feel special

How much do you charge for sexual favours? How much for an hours naked jelly wrestling? Witto
depends on what you look like, how diseased you are and how lazy i'm feeling... but if money is no object then i'm all yours... i don't care much for jelly so i'll charge you 75 per hour including clean up time

Why do americans wear big girly pads, helmets and body armour when playing rugby and call it football? Rugby is a real mans sport. Not meaning to offend anyone you understand.... Witto
rugby is far superior to american football... i mean those rugby players look like they could kick over concrete buildings... but i don't watch either sport because it doesn't appeal to me

How can I donate an insane story to your goodself? Witto
go to this form and request to be contacted about your story... be sure to give us a bit of what its about or something... be sure to put that you've mentioned it to me here cuz i'm not always the one who answers these forms

Is it feasible to make waterproof tea bags? Mine leak brown stuff when they get wet. Witto
mine did that until i dunked them in hot wax before hand... let it cool... then you can float it in your tea... just don't heat your tea up with the bag... 

Whats the best way to milk a cow?
well i think tom green has found the most practical way by just sucking on the cows teets

Why does my girlfriend walk all over me?
if you wouldn't lay on the floor and bitch about the ceiling then she wouldn't

is there anything bigger than a kabilmiltrimibuxhectilfrunkilbillion ? ? *G*
yes, but only by an inch

in the toy story, if buzz lightyear tyhinks he is the real thing y does he always lay down and shut up when eva that little boy comes into the room ? ? *G*
everything in that movie is a horrible lie and its wrong that we were lied to like that... 

y do sprouts taste so nice ? ? *G*
its the sugar

what is my name ?
holar from the planet Krisme

y do u always wear odd colour shoes ?
those are the only shoes i have

y is john on a popstars website ? ? *G*
i have no idea... but then again i have no idea what john you're talking about

why r clouds white? ? *G*
they're not... what the hell is wrong with you?

y when u r talkin about the creature mouse do u say mice, but when u r talkin about a computer mouse do u say mouses? ? *G*
no... you say mice and if they don't work then they are called stupid pieces of shit

i make joanna sound really mean. she's not really that bad. she just controls my arm too much. what way should i kick her ass?? -keglineq
i would take your arm back and beat her with it.... then rip off your leg and boot her with it a few times

what would you do if i told you that i don't like mike patton or faith no more and that i would never ever send you the tomahawk cd? -keglineq
i would say 'ok' and carry on with my life... i certainly don't expect everyone to have the same taste as me... however you should buy the cd for me because i'm so tolerant

y does witto ask dumbass questions ? ? *G*
why does anything really happen? that's right... for no reason at all

do you have HMV? -keglineq
i don't personally own one but there are those that do near me

could your mum make me elf shoes?? -keglineq
i'm sure she could... but she won't

if you were put in the washing machine would you die? -keglineq
well if you never let me out then yes i would die

i didn't phone my mum yesterday so i went rampant and locked the toilets so ppl couldn't go all day ha ha. did i do good?? -keglineq
yes you did wonderfully... now onto step 2 of the plan...

a few questions in one!. 1. y do u wear lipstick ? 2. whats with the big gloves ? 3. and....r u gay ? ? by.. j.rennocks
1. not usually  2.  keep my fingers warm   3.  only if you're offering to come over and fuck me

Is it likely we're gonna kick Bin Ladens ass all over the world? Then move on to the Israel/Palestine and the Northern Ireland conflict?
i say we take out ALL the humans... then everything will be just fine... 

why does what everyone wants, only pay their workers a measly 2.50 an hour? ? ?
i blame the increase in feather use

why do u spell 40 as forty and not fourty ? ? i mean y wud u take out the 'u' its stupid ? ? *G*
that is the reason... cuz it's stupid

DC, r u an elf ? ? no ? ? then y r u wearing little tiny red and green elf shoes on for ? ? *G*
my mom made them for me and they keep my feet warm... don't make me kick your ass in them too

y in tennis do they score the points as 15, 30, 40, then won, ? ? *G*
i wasn't aware they did the scoring like that... sounds stupid

y do babboons look the same from both ends ? *G*
to confuse and delight each other and you

I am Joanna. Should I plot sweet revenge on keglineq now??? And she touched Mr Booths ass off her own accord!!
videotape any revenge you bestow on keglineq and i'll be happy

ok heres the deal. every lunch time me and my friends end up getting covered in cream. this is beacuse the school sells these little cream filled donut things and everytime one of my wee group of friends tries to eat one another person wil shove the donut in their face (once i got blackcurrent all over my face and neck but that was really quite fun cos it looked like i was bleeding to death and i used it to my advantage) it is my aim to have more harmful substances but into these cream filled goodies but no one else agrees with my views. is there any way that i could do this without getting found out and then getting done for possible murder?? -keglineq
well i'd have to way more details then i'm willing to listen to about where these items are made... so instead i say you just do it and accept the consequences

why is stephen such a plank?
so people can walk on him

My penis is on fire! My penis is on fire!
piss it out

Fur. Do you like Fur? I do. Fur is cool. Will you buy me a fur coat?
no i don't like fur unless its on a living animal or some roadkill... or bits of it on my tires... and no fur coats are sick

Why am I becoming addicted to asking you insane questions, then feverishly waiting for the replies? Witto
cuz you're insane and i'm encouraging you to do so

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