i see dead propcycles - Fido Dido
NOOOOOOO!

i got your smoke signals, but i dont really think that eating all the yum-yum monsters will really bring us closer to mars, but maybe if i get a little drunk, i could dance it for you - Fido Dido
yum yum monsters are yummy and mars sounds fun so go ahead and dance

¿eat eat eat tae tae tae? - Fido Dido
hsoeka flaieja oales

Prez Shrub sez: Save the country! Do your part! Go to the mall! Spend money on crap you don't need! Support the economy! Hand over your cash! Shop-shop-shop! Hurry! America needs you! We can do it!  Malls and shopping centers: the temples of our culture. Apparently this is where we go to "pray" for a better tomorrow.  I'm staying home.  Meanwhile, the FBI has been saying all along that more attacks are imminent...and finally, just recently, Shrub manages to admit that yes, we are still in danger and that shopping may not fix everything after all. A revelation!  I used to have shrubs in front of my bedroom window. The problem was, it was far too easy to see through them... - Fido Dido
yea we will take anyones cash... and where is your question??? that's it... 40 lashes to your bare ass with a bamboo rod

<html> <B>does this thing accept html?</B> - Fido Dido </html>
what is this html you speak of?

That would right when people like maddonna are naked its cool?
i don't mind

What you didn't invite me to the party?
i did... but you're so STUPID

If wearing a rainbow makes you gay or for gay pride, and wearing a pink ribbon makes you for breast cancer provention, then what does it mean if you wear white shoes after labor day??
wearing a rainbow makes you gay? i never knew it worked like that... and why wouldn't you wear white shoes after labor day? i think that you are just making shit up to try to impress us...

will i ever find love again
who said you had it in the first place

In the WAY you find it? IN THE WAY? When it falls... When it falls to the beach. yes. YES!!!! AND A GIGAFLOP???? The time for me. Yes. Here is one question: Why did Edgar "Eddie Spaghetti" Allen Poe touch dead people in their private holes? Thank you for your time, and your most gracious service as regards this matter. Dr. Phinnaeus Turpentine, Phd
maybe he hid his favorite gum there and didn't want anyone stealing it so he hid it

Is it possible to make a phone out of cabbage? or a house? I thinking about creating a line of clothes made out of cabage what do you think?
yes and yes... and i think it's a great idea... let me know when it's up so i can get some clothes... can i have a sock monkey discount?

If grimace means a facial distortion why did McDonalds name that fat purple thing Grimace?
i have no idea... maybe you should email them and ask... then let us know... maybe they're making fun of fat purple blobs... like all fat blobs are unhappy unless they're eating...

you asked why i didn't say anything when he started greasing her up? well, at first, it was just a back massage. who cares about a little lotion or whatever the fuck he was using. i was just a bit suspicious of his intent, but i figured he wouldn't be stupid enough to actually try anything. as soon as he started greasing her up real high on her thighs, i got pissed. i stood up over him and said "i thought she just said a back massage." he said "no, no i'm mumble mumble." so i went out in the driveway to my car, got my knife, came back in, went to him, and you know the rest. what would you have done had this situation happened to you?
i'd steal their money and leave... then take that money and buy some chips and eat them... then drive around for a bit swearing at people on the street... then go to a public bathroom and shit out the chips... then get a plastic bag and gather up the chip shit... then drive back and rub it in their faces...  oh and why did she let this happen?  i would escape this trailer-trash group of people and find some people with brains... and for those living in trailers all offened by my words... well then of course i'm not referring to you... just your neighbors

So whats androgny anyway?
its when you don't look good as either a female or male

i did ask a question, but you just have to find it.... why?¿hym - Fido Dido
you know... no one is impressed with your stupid little upside down question marks... i mean we can ALL do that and if you think you're special or something well you're not.... so uh... how'd you do that?

ok ok ok I got it together realy i do ok ok yeah owow wow yeah um. ok see i was just wounderin if u could give me some advice help me out here .yeah well i have problems mit not be any that u can help me out with but .i have dreams about gettin raped by guys dressed up like clowns and axe murders i need help cuzz i cant have normal sex with me boyfreind unless i think of him being in a clown suit and even some times being michael myers .i need help 4 real dont wanna become a spasmolytic with cycosamatics and end up in a mental ward cmon can u tell me what i should do about it .thanks
well it sounds like you don't have a problem at all... you have dreams and you have fantasies while having sex... i personally think that the matter of your spelling should be addressed... or buy your boyfriend a clown mask or something... he might be into it... or get yourself a clown

I heard cats are going to conquer the planet... and it seems my cat always steals my socks and hides them in the basement. i found a stash of 10 pairs of socks that he stole. What he hell is he trying to do... should I be precautious?, what kind of matermind plan is he working on right now?
yes they are and if i were you i'd put those socks back and pretend you saw nothing... just leave that area alone and buy more socks... just do what i say and you won't get hurt... if it's not too late

what came first the chicken or the egg and how did it get there ? ? ?
egg? this is the first i've heard of any eggs

where can i find aus rotten lyrics, dammit?!
on that website with the stupid ad banner that flashes

Hey, you seem to like the good books (Asimov,King,etc.), and you have a few(100?), but you seem to have missed William Gibson(Count Zero,Burning Chrome, etc.), so get with it, you need to refine your insanity to a razor-sharp, sarcasmo-the-clown edge....
i have about 400 books... and i haven't heard of that writer but i'll be looking into it now... i've been running out of things to read lately... and if you're into clowns or you are a clown... there is someone i'd like you to meet...

You don't know who Eddie Izzard is? - Mzebonga
no... and i've even looked his name up... so he's uh... funny?

Can we live without it?
usually but sometimes it's not by choice and damnit then it just sucks but the worst is when you are getting it but don't want it from where it's coming from

What was at first, the chicken or the Egg?
egg? this is the second i've heard of any eggs

¿noodles? i am afraid. the worms..... the worms! eat eat eat, they chant, and chant and chant, all day long.... meep? - Fido Dido
worms like to grab people and drag them into the earth to feast on body... that is where all the missing people go

is it true? - Fido Dido
mostly yes... but sometimes no

 let's be honest... who HASN'T dreamed of living in the bowels of a fish? - Fido Dido
only those sick and twisted people who would rather caress the bowels with their tongues... licking at them... tasting them... getting turned on by them... getting naked... up against them... rubbing... rubbing...

will you suck on my toes? -Empriss
hell no toes are just sick

when will my breasts enlarge?! WHEN?! I NEED TO KNOW!
try hitting them with something... swelling should help you out for awhile... 

why do we park in a drive way, and drive in a park way
what's this WE stuff about.. you're the only one doing that shit....

there is a girl i realy like and i dont no what to say to her and we have been freinds for a very long time what should i say to her
how did you stay friends this long without speaking?  just tell her... what's the worst she could do... rip off your dick, mince it up, force you to eat it, then kill you slowly though years of marriage and children?  ugh... that IS pretty bad... but most chicks aren't like that... and if they are... there's warning signs to let you know 

whats the tallest a midjet can be until he is not a midjet any more
i would guess that anything under 3 feet would quality as midget size, for humans anyways... but i don't really know

how many people can fit into heaven until it gets to full and creates a fire hazord ? ?
well about the same amount that can fit into an imagined cube... maybe a bit less...

why are they called goldfish if they are orange?
the gold fish used to taunt the drunken pirates who would look into the water, think it was gold and try to dive in to get it... gold moves fast in the water...

Why does the scary Schwans man keep coming to my house late at night? Why do we always end up with frozen peas in our freezer? IM SCARED!
when you leave rotting baskets of meat under your bed, then of course the schwans will show up... and the peas are there as a decoy... toss them aside and you'll discover the TRUE way

Do you feel that the orange fluff underneither the beds in dorm rooms, is a direct result of unwanted roomates?
short answer yes, long answer no with a but...

What do skanks eat for breakfast?
little whiny chumps

Why is my cat always watching CNN when i get home?
your cat is an intelligent blood-thirsty creature... it's either CNN or your face with a cat like yours

Eddie Izzard is a transvestite comedian who is greatly inspired by Billy Conolly. He did a gig in San Fransisco many years back and has had a few film appearances in the Avengers, Mystery Men, Circus and Velvet Goldmine. All his movie appearances were pretty poor, but in terms of stand-up, Seinfeld makes him look like a God (because Seinfeld is wholely the most poor stand-up comedian ever) and he is probably one of the best ones I've ever seen. Do you consider yourself educated now? - Mzebonga
i was educated before this, but now i feel that something important has been pushed aside to be replaced with this new information... but at least now i can say i know who he is

In the question: "which came first the chicken or the Egg?" I think the answer is the chicken, because capital letters weren't invented for many years after the creation of language. Am I right? - Mzebonga
you win!

When are you having holidays?
holidays? i had forgotten about those... hmmmmm

If I want it badly enough will I get it?
probably not... but if you try hard enough, you can trick your mind into BELIEVING you have it... and hey, that's just as good

Can you set me free?
sure but i'd like you to clean the place up a bit before you leave

Can I have the last one?
NO! MINE!

Was today a good day?
i was asleep for most of it so yes it was

So would you be unhappy if I did this to you?
mmm... actually that felt pretty good... try it again... but do it longer

So i thought life was like a bubble bath was I wrong? I like bubble baths and can I blow some bubbles at you?
yes you were wrong and sure but don't get it in my eyes... 

So when are the photos to the school year stuff coming ?
haha... soon i guess... maybe in the next month and we'll let you know

gonna roc around the house tonite. the roc is a myhtical bird. do the carrots ride away in my car at night? i dont have a car. eat eat eat eat eat, thats all they chant, day and night, in and out, upside and the rigth way up. but supposing we DO do the okey-kokey AND turn around, is that what it's REALLY all about? or is there something more? run around, run around, paint the children purple. eat eat eat. ding-dong avon lady. with a hey noddy noddy? ¿eat tae? - Fido Dido
it's the carrots on the weekends, the celery on the weekdays... and yes you but they have it all the time so you didn't notice.  that's ALL it's about if you believe in the existence of the hokey pokey or not... ¿¿¿¿¿¿... 

should I? - Fido Dido
uh...

or shouldn't I? - Fido Dido
i don't think you should do either

Is there a good reason why I should give a rat's ass?
i can't think of any reason... but then of course i just pretended to think about it cuz i couldn't give a rats ass... i'm fresh out

Are you Tony Millionaire, or merely a coincidence?
millionaire? i'm awake! what? oh no... whoever that it... damnit i thought i was getting some money...

where can i buy a sock monkey tee-shirt, please help!!!!!!  Many thanks
well i'm sorry i don't know right now... we're looking into making some but because of the whole wanting money thing these tshirt people want it's kinda on the back burner

Who is that person in the wheelin and dealin picture?
i'm not sure exactly... some people that worked at the bar we were at i think

how come "people" say christopher columbus discovered america if when he got here there was alrdy people here? ? ? ?.......thats like me coming to your back yard kicking u out and then telling every body look at the new land i found.
because people are stupid... have i told you i found some land the other day?  i was just out walking and suddenly there it was so i planted my flag on it and did a little dance... 

where can i find chocolate covered babys ?
at the local chocolate/candy store i would suspect

what do humans taste like i hear they taste like chicken....how come when ever some one dont no what something taste like they say it taste like chicken?
i'm a vegetarian but if given the chance i would eat human... with that aside, people say that because they are stupid and are obsessed with things that taste like chicken

How cool am I? - Mzebonga
about as cold as the crotch of a frozen dead penguin... and just as purdy too...

why do teachers dress up? why don't students dress up and the teachers dress down? IM CONFUSED LIKE A FAT BITCH ON A STICK
its some sort of job thing that we wouldn't understand... and because that would suck... a fat bitch on a stick? they're selling those again?

Why do the older kids kick me in the stomach and call me Nancy?
that's what the sign on your back says you want done to you.... nancy

Will you make me a happy woman and go out with me so I can FINALLY have an online companion?
that depends on where we're going and how much money you'll be paying me

¿¿¿¿¿i dont know anymore????? am i? any one who says "quiet as a church mouse" has never stepped on one - Fido Dido ps ¿eat tae?
all i do is look for mice but it doesn't give me the attention i wanted... what do i have to do to get noticed?  it's just something i do and they squeal and squeal and all the people in the church tell me to put my pants back on and then they throw things at m so no they probably haven't stepped on on... or tried to sit on one...

why don't you just bite me?! i never liked you anyway and i hope you fall off a cliff and die, one less piece of shit around to make my headache worse.
ok... bring it on over and i'll take a nice chunk out of it... 

are you a sock monkey?
of course... didn't you see my picture?

What do you need to turn you on?
some gloves, ropes, a prodding stick, colored beads and plenty of dirty talk

Would you let a soulmate pass you by?
i already have... but the game was on so i couldn't do anything about it

yes? - Fido Dido
sometimes no

u a bitch
damn straight

does the coffee make the office people work? what would happen if all the coffee in the world disappeared? would everything stop? - Fido Dido
yes and if that happened i would have to kill everyone and ground up your dehydrated bodies and put that through my coffee maker instead and if that didn't give me the kick that my coffee does... well then i'll kill myself

you know what'd be cool? - Fido Dido
if someone decided to pay me to do this site, as well as give me enough money to open up and run my own theinsanedomain store, hire me a maid to cook/clean/massage/do laundry/bring me coffee, pay me to write insane books and uh... oh and maybe some extra cash every month so i can buy cds

what i think would be cool would be a)for that forum to be up soon(!) and b) you had an option for the question to have a little icon with it, from a choice of your best ones (like the monkey head) - Fido Dido
a) damn straight b) you people should be fucking happy to get any kind of award at all and if you don't like it then you can lick the monkey ass

So do like Shirly Mansons song androgyny ?I like it
i don't think it's just her song... i'm pretty sure there were others involved... and i don't recall what it sounds like

DC what is the difference between jelly and jam ??
only one feels good on my ass

why did the chicken cross the road?
you have no tangible proof that the said chicken actually crossed this 'road' and those who have claimed to see it have some 'issues' to begin with due to their anti-society view of reality and their unwillingness to just do what they're told and besides we all know the road doesn't exist and never has

what will rule the world after humans die off?
you must be new here... the CATS

Will you have sex with me?
alright

erjngjirtgbro;jwilrgjbiotbntrbjlisrtdamnkeyboardaintworkinghowdoifixititsbeingstupid.... aha! better! "and the great prophet said "lo, ¡d33w"......and the multitude spake thus: "lo, see, the great prophet spakest nonsense"......and the great prophet beat them with his stick spaking "KILL THE PURPLE TREES!!", whereupon the they did.....twits..." - Fido Dido oh yeah, question, erm.... origami?
can anyone actually THROW rhymes?  exactly... and once you realize that this shit ain't what they sold us then you can truly see that origami about about bending your mind and thoughts... the paper is just a physical representation of your inner self as you go through the 'folds' of life and no matter what you do, it always looks like some fucking bird

>eat/\ - Fido Dido | | | kill? | | | graj? | | | insanity  | | | or just surreal? is there a difference? - Fido Dido
this little story should answer your question... there was a little store in a downtown location that spent hours and hours on their window displays.  people would come from all around to see these window displays and it won them many awards.  by capturing the publics attention, the company prospered and decided to open another store.  this time they decided not to spend so much time creating window displays.  the second store was leveled in a fire, and their half-assed window displays were gone forever.

When am I gonna get some? -Mzebonga
here ya go

will alex ever like me, serisouly?
no and i'm just making this shit up as i go sometimes... quite frankly i think alex likes me and is just using you to get to me... 

What are the effects of gamma rays on man in the moon marigolds?
well all the tests haven't been completed and analyzed yet but it seems that balding and growth of horns are the common effects... in rare cases (so far) an increase in disco dancing has been noted 

Did you do that just to get my attention?
damn straight i did

Can you dance?
no... i'm not that coordinated

Why do we want things we can't have?
well we don't have them, so we want them... then once we have them, we don't want them anymore

So who is that a picture of in the strange people section of photos with their face covered with their hand and the pictures caption is 'no'?
i'm not exactly sure but it might be ver

Did you know that you're wrong about cats taking over the planet? As a matter a fact...its the worms...You know after it's rained and the worms come out on the path, and they try and get you to stand on them? Those are the worms that have been naughty, it's their punishment don't ya know. And when you walk along the path, they're following you...through the mud underneath. Listen to me, and be warned! -Who?
do you honestly think that the worms haven't been allied with by the cats?  in a secret report that surfaced in the 1970's, a clear connection between the worms and the cats was revealed.... since then the worms have been digging tunnels under all the cities for the cats to begin training their forces...

eat eat eat eat, will they ever shut up? - Fido Dido
no they won't until you kill them all

Why do all the new questions really stink? I mean, it just isn't what it use to be. Remember the time when someone asked:"Hey DC, why does soap feel so good on my tushy, but really really bad in my mouth?" Remember what you said??? Remember? I don't.
i don't remember but i'm sure it was quite amusing for you... perhaps you should send me money to show me how much you enjoy all my answers... and there have been lots of questions... just none that have screamed out for an award

Who is Batman?
that guy who steals my car every time that stupid light shines in the sky

if you had to be bitten anywhere, where you would choose to be bitten?
on the neck cuz it doesn't feel so painful there... more of a painful pleasure

whats the strangest foods you've eaten together?
 peanut butter and pickles

if you could be any cartoon character, who would you be?
spawn

if i decided to tie u up & do anughty things to your body would that b ok with you?
sounds like a fun time... will you be providing the rope or will i?

have you ever upt your fist through a wall?
yes i have but not in some drunken-jock way

what character from your childhood do you still secretly like?
kermit

if you had the choice of having to eat your whole family with bacon or having your skin peeled off slowly, which you would enjoy the most and why
i don't eat bacon (although i would try human) however, i seem to like torturing myself slowly so i'll chose the skin peeling

why do you think you can give out advice to others when you obviously have no life of your own?
well i don't see anyone asking you questions... and sitting in your apartment whacking off to Cat Fancy isn't exactly called having a life either

what color are your socks right now?
one of them is black, the other is grey

Hey look! A Naked gnome! _Dibbley
where?! where?!?! hey... you tricked me!  dibbley... are you related to dwane dibbley??

Can I sell my roommate on eBay? I need the money...
i don't see a problem... but you may want to instead do all the things on our roommate hell list and tape it to sell to some stupid tv station for millions... 

If God were a Republican, would He downsize Heaven to improve His bottom line?
i have no idea... but if it were me i'd be poisoning the air with some sort of agent to make all the employees sterile

PAYING YOU!!!!! NEVER!!!! HAHAHA Why would anyone pay you for anything ? Only because sometimes your a smooth talker.
yea... you know you wanna pay me... go on... whip out that credit card... oh yea... like that... i'm a fucking dirty whore... oh yea... pay me to be bad... i'll let you touch my tail...

Have you got a nice piece of ass?
i did but then i lost it and now i have to find myself another

Didn't you know everyone wants you ,your totally appealing ,I don't know why but everyone wants wants you.Do you know why?
yea i know what you all want me for you horrid people... you want me to perform tricks with my tail for your kids... well forget that shit and i don't care how many sock monkey treats you give me i'm not jumping through that flaming hoop... unless you have a credit card...

I'm sorry to say this but pickles are awful and make me puke?
pickles rock and if you don't like them, then buy a whole bunch of them and send them to me

why does my neutered dog love to be jerked off by me but yet will not even lick my cunt? I am very clean and would really LOVE to be licked by him or have his BIG cock throbbing inside me.
you're probably only good for hand jobs and he's got some prettier bitch on the side that's for fucking

je parler francais very well. ¿eat tae? NO! shut up! stop the voices! crush their heads and lick out the brains! does my bum look big in this? - Fido Dido ps trousers
damn french people should learn to drive! the voices are what keep me warm and secure at night... they tell me to hurt myself and make sandwiches... and uh... your butt? uh... well it looks... uh.... fine?

today, i'll answer your question DC. and the answer is: "damn straight" - Fido Dido
i applaud you

we are not learning, 1939 returning. hows that for a poltical message? - Fido Dido
i personally like "cheese on sticks" better

why did paul ate my foot? why does he always eat my feet? i tell him not to, but he just goes and does it anyway? - Fido Dido
i don't know... i personally would never put anyones foot in my mouth except my own... but ever since i pulled that muscle i can't do that either... try wearing mirror socks... it will frighten him away

If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, ...how cold will it be? If you had a million Shakespeare's, would they write like a monkey? Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? - Fido Dido
it will be twice as cold... and i think so... and yes

So the worms are in on it? Any news on the ducks? How about the ants? How stands things on the invasion front? - Mzebonga
the worms are in on it... the ducks have always been in on it... the ants have a peace treaty and information on the invasion front is classified... instead, play with this shiny ball of tinfoil

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Please. Help me. I'm totally lost....SAVE MY SOUL, YOU PIECE OF MEAT.
well if a woodchuck could chuck would, could he chuck wood all day long or only on the weekends?  once we've determined how much time he could spend towards chucking wood, then evaluate his workflow and determine if anything can be done to improve his efficiency... perhaps upgrade his technology, improve customer relations or even get some upgrading training. once we have done that then we can begin recording how much wood the woodchuck is chucking to work out an average number of how much wood the woodchuck is chucking if he could chuck wood

My hairy aunt told me to not ask for anal sex from a friend's friends. Why is this?
perhaps she wants the anal sex all for herself... or maybe your aunt is offended that you didn't ask her to put on a large strap on and give you anal sex

Why can't I ever get the "oh so grand 'good question award'"? What is wrong with me?! Can you just put the little green monster friend next to my question so I will be content? I love you...I'll be your best friend...
you have issues that quite frankly prevent you from getting a good question award both her and in your real life... but don't worry, some day you might figure it out and then you'll get all the awards you can handle... and if you love me then you'll clean my place and make me some food... oh yea and touch my tail

Why was Cats such a sucess on Broadway?
it was probably due to those delightful little costumes that make you want to go touch all their tails

My local grocerie store seems to have stopped carrying Betty Crocker Instant Powdered Femail Dominatrix Mix. Can I have some of yours? Tell them i dont want to go back. I'm frightened. AAAHHHHHHH!!!
hell no it's mine... get your own you little frightened person who doesn't have any mix

When all six Joker's Cards are revealed and the wagons of the Dark Carnival come, will you be transported to Shangri La or the Echoside?
the last time i did it i was taken to echoside but that guy with the hat said that from now i wasn't supposed to go there and if i did then 'bad things would happen' and even though i got a nice tshirt, i must say i was hurt

I have a friend who likes to sautee marijuana in butter and eat it with chips. What's wrong with him? How can i correct this foolish behavior?
i know... why does he do all that WORK?!? just smoke it and shut up

How can I build a spaceship out of two bags of barbecue potatoe chips and rabbit shit?? I need to know right away. This is urgent! The fate of mankind rests in the ballance!!!
if i knew how to do that, i'd be off this planet of stupidity... nothing can save mankind

Oh my God! It's stuck to my head! Why aren't you listening to me? stop poking me with that thing. SHUT UP! AHHHHHHH!!! Kill. Kill. Kill. What's that funny smell? Oooooh, nachos! Hooray for Wienerdogs! Why?
what? i wasn't listening

What is the record for the most eggs shoved in one butthole?
i have no idea... but i'm assuming that they'd have to be hard boiled eggs... and i would guess at maybe 2 or 3... when you finally get that record, you let us know how many you could take

what does "Dolemite" mean?
it's on of those genetic creatures that scientists are playing with... they got some of dole's dna and a termites dna

Who is Hell?
my friends girlfriend

Me and my friend are having an argument. I say God lives in Equador but he says God lives in Hondures. Can you solve this debate for us?
yes, you're both wrong and very stupid so send all your money to me now

Look, ma! Look! I'm running rampant. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! ............ OW!!!  Who put that lamppost there? - Mzebonga
i know... what's it doing here in the wardrobe?  where are we?

Help!!! Help!! My new owner is evil. I'm being mistreated!!! They don't even beat me!!! Will you buy me back? Please!!! - Mzebonga
they don't beat you?! i'm outraged... that was in the contract that you are to receive at the LEAST, weekly beatings... we'll find you a new owner 

So now that you have my attention what did you want?
money, pleasure, maybe a few cds

I don't think you looked hard enough to find it?
i only look until i find it or until i've forgotten what it is i'm looking for

Do you ever give anyone a compliment?
sometimes... but not a whole lot

Is there a glimmer of hope...........at all?
not really... its just your eyes playing tricks on you

Do you have anyone you admire or look up to in your life?
sure i do

Do I have a chance?
well the more money you have, the better the chance

Whats your most prized possesion?
my brain but if you're talking more of an object then my laptop cuz it has all my stuff on it

Who is your favourite person who asks questions here?
well many people don't put their names... so out of those that do i'd have to say i hate you all and always have... haha

Are you biased in some situations?
i would have to say yes

So maybe if you smoke the wacky weed then maybe your not a sock monkey you just think you are?
that could be true... but if thats not my tail i'm touching then why does it feel so good?

Can being committed be fun?
i guess if you find that sort of thing fun then yes... i think it would be fun to be in one of those jackets for awhile... just so i could struggle in a futile manner while screaming

So is passing judgement a good thing?
depends on if you have gotten my approval or not beforehand

Whats the most most creative thing you can do with some rope?
somehow turn it into the medical solution for stupidity

If you were to be stuck on an island with 3 people and 3 objects what would they be?
jcp, mike patton and someone who is trained in making shelter/finding food/survival and medically trained to keep us alive, my laptop, my pillow and lots of drugs (recreational and medicinal)

Does being a sock monkey suck ass sometimes?
yes it does... especially when children pull on your tail

Who asks the best questions on your page?
hmmm... thats tough since there quite a few of you that obviously have issues but don't sign your name for fear the government will hunt you down and force you to make phone commercials... i can't select just one... but the top are Mzebonga, fido dido, empress nikon and sally... oh and gone postal

Whats one thing you can't live without?
oxygen

Who is the driving force in your life?
i am... who the hell else would be?  just because i'm kept in a cage in jcp's garage and only brought out to be whipped and forced to answer these questions doesn't mean i'm not in control of my own life

Are you ever just going to shut the hell up and let me speak?
not likely... i did that once and it sucked

Do you sometimes wish you were somewhere else and where would that be?
i always wish to be taken far far away from this planet to some other planet where all the inhabitants do what i say and i'd like to hand pick all the humans that would get brought along with me... i'd hold auditions...

You need some vitality?
well i did but i got an email from someone telling me that i could have a larger penis in 4 days so i'm focusing all my funds on that instead

Do like to get to first base or all the way?
depends on how old you are, your relation to me and how drunk you are... 

I need a playmate will you be it?
sure, but don't pull on my tail... do it nicely... that's right... isn't that fun?

Whats your favourite board game?
NHL monopoly

Do you like to swim?
yes i love swimming and i want a pool

Can I get to know you better?
sure but how about you buy me some stuff first?

Sometimes I think your just the best thing since sliced bread?
well that's very nice of you... here... you can play with my tail since you're so nice

For some odd reason you have some fluff coming out of your head???
what? oh... i'll just jam it back in there... there... much better

Do you eat chocolate?
sometimes... i'm not a big fan of it... unless it's white chocolate

How come everything is faith no more?
there's no reason why it shouldn't be

Whats with beavers?
they build dams and have sharp teeth... they plan to flood the land so all the humans will die but they aren't organized well enough to actually do it

Go on admit I'm sexy and we belong together because we are both sexy ?
ok i'll go along with that... so you gonna touch my tail now?

Your just weird sometimes?
when wasn't i?

Can you do the macerena or any other stupid dance like that?
no and i refuse to try... even if i did i'm not that coordinated

Why are you the most popular one?
i have the biggest tail and a trusting face

If you could choose one of your question askers here to meet who would it be and why?
i would meet empriss nikon so i could kick her sorry ass (yea you heard me)

Are you any good at telling jokes and remembering the punch line?
i'm more of a situational humor person... or just random insanity... no one else ever seems to laugh WITH me... 

Do you hate give and take?
depends on what it is... i've fallen for that before

Sucky sucky owny 10 dollar??
sure, i'll take 10 for it... go ahead

If I gave you a blow job would you be happy with that?
sure... if you could make me some food before you leave that would make me even happier

Why would you want other peoples bodily fluids at all?
to keep in jars to impress your friends and family then eventually sell it to someone as 'art'

What would you do on a fun day out if I paid?
i'd buy lots of stuff that i wanted online with your credit card... then i'd want to go to a cool concert at night and then perhaps roam the streets for awhile all fucked up and you'd have to buy me lots of coffee the whole time too... oh and ana wants some new toys

What are the best siteseeing spots in canada?
well i haven't seen very much of canada YET but i personally like ottawa the best... toronto is ok but only if you want to see over a million pissed off people who are pretending that no one else around... sometimes that hostility is fun

Maybe I would do it, only if you pay ME?
fine but i've only got 10 bucks and i need 8 of it for food

You know how you say lie ,lie and deny I had anything to do with it well it worked , my husband blames me for it all so I said it was the maid and then he beleived me because I lied and said I didn't do It ,I had nothing to do with it , it wasnt me ever, it was the maid.She chucked out the shaving cream I know it.So he said okay and fired her hehe that was a funny story so the lie always works doesn't it?
sometimes the lies work and when they don't, you better have a sharp object around to do what needs to be done

Sometimes I'm so precious I think I might break into a million pieces?
well that's just too bad...

I'm sorry but they took my credit card away and wont give me another?
then what good are you now?  unless you have lots of cds you'd like to send me

Want, want, want all you do is want?
mostly yes... sometimes i have to give though... sigh

So who went camping?
well there's been no camping lately... sadly enough.. unless you want to go but we'll have to share a tent and sleeping bag

If a tree fell in the middle of the woods, and killed a mime, would anybody care?
only enough to poke at the dead body with a stick and laugh

Do you consider murder a good or bad thing?
depends on the situation really... in most cases i would consider it a mercy killing

hmmmm, could you solve a little porblem of mine? how can i solve 1+1=___? i thought, maybe figureing out the transambuperlation of the pseudo cosmic anti-matter, then using the interquartile hypoteneuse of the third law of thermodynamics, but my friend just says that 1+1=2. how do i do it? - Fido Dido
you don't... you see you have realize that the numbers are only there to confuse and distract you from the TRUTH

slap. ass. dial again please. 8787878390394958. is this right? george bush speaking. no, today is tuesday. not here, but maybe, somewhere else.... the moon insulted me. - Fido Dido is there a cure?
yes and there is no cure yet besides death

/^^\ <-----rock <me> ------> Hard place /^^\- Fido Dido
i know there's no question here but damnit he's rockin out and you gotta respect that sometimes

Larry says, "Look ma no hands!" Larry says, "Look ma no feet!" *thud* Larry says, "Wook ma mo teef!" What is you thought on this?? - keglineq
i personally find larry to be an annoying and unneeded presence here on the site... i will now go on and pretend like it never happened... but deep down inside i know it did

Right now i'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think i've forgotten this before. Which is better, deja vu or amnesia?
well if it's something good then i'll go with deja vu... if its something really shitty then i go for amnesia all the way

what do u think of the band cradle of filth
well i know that schizoid thinks they rock, and i know i've heard it, i just don't recall it at all

whats smarter, a berry or a rock?
the rock

fring-a-ling ping. sing a pig to broadway. hmmm? - Fido Dido
that's it fido dido... there is no way that you are a functioning member of society so you're either another sock monkey or you're locked up somewhere and get time to take off the straightjacket to log in here... i'm hoping it's the second and you can send me one of those jackets... have i mentioned i'd like to just struggle on my floor for a few hours in a futile attempt to escape?  that's some damn good fun

does this girl like me?
probably not but if you pretend not to care then she might

how can u get a girl you really like
duct tape, chloroform and a sack... then take her somewhere to 'just talk'

What has got better healing powers, custard or lima beans???
lima beans... and they slip so well into all those little holes you humans have

tuesday? - Fido Dido
friday

Are the Golden Girls the sexiest women on TV or what?
i'm going to have to go with 'what'... although making that sophia scream my name over and over might be alright for awhile... until i snapped her spine but hey that happens sometimes

how long does it take to make a sock monkey?
i'd ask my mother but frankly i don't want to hear that story

does ur sock monkeys have feelings
yes we're a very sensitive species... and if you want you and i can talk about our feelings some more... maybe you can stroke my tail for awhile too

do u spit or swallow?
depends on what you're paying me

do u have any tattos and if u do what do u have and where
damnit people shut up.... i can't get a tattoo because i'm allergic to the damn alcohol in the ink and on all the instruments... if i was able to get one i would have many and they would be black tribal designs

Ok, so, the answer is 42. (no, this isn't some silly math thingy) I just dont know the question. It's just life, the universe, everything - you know? Twice I've seen it proved that that is the answer - and still no one knows the question it's supposed to answer. So, I'm asking if you know the question to the ultimate answer. I thought it had something to do with frogs, but may be way off here. Do you know the question? -Power Nibbler
the damn white mice won't tell me the question because they claim it would 'be leaked online and spoil the ending'

I need more info on the invasion DC. I knew about the ants, thanks for the worm info - but I'm worried about the frogs. As tadpoles they seem pretty cool, but, you know? - Power Nibbler
don't even LOOK at the frogs... pretend they aren't there... and information on the invasion is classified

Share a tent and a sleeping bag ............ with you.......... I don't think so , sometimes if I ignore you will you go away?
yes i will... but only after about an hour of annoying sounds and things being thrown at you to make you admit that you can't ignore me

So why do you want to kick empriss nikons ass for?
why? so i can KICK HER ASS!  that's all the reason i need... that and it would be quite fun

Sometimes I think you need to get out more?
i think that sometimes too but then the voices tell me that if i go outside bad things will happen and i will meet people who will just hurt me in the end and maybe i'll never come back again which is ok but what if everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong and then it ruins my world forever all because i went outside and so it's much better to just hide under the bed and tremble while the voices scream for an end to it all

Whats typical canadian food?
i have NO idea what is considered canadain food

Because sometimes you just need to be an airhead?
sometimes its all that is required of you... like at family outings

Sometimes your a barrel of laughs other times your not funny at all?
yea it comes and goes... i figure that as long as i'm amused then it's ok... unless you pay me to amuse you

Does it pay to be patient?
not really... but even if you are patient, just look impatient because THAT pays

Sometimes its fun to make milkshakes isnt it especially with me?
only if you stop being so cheap with the strawberries and give me MORE

Sometimes I'm hanging from the rafters?
i do that sometimes until i'm captured and tied to a pole to prevent me from doing it again

Life is full of funny moments?
that and popcorn

Sometimes its just not appropriate to do that?
yea, but other times you just don't fucking care and you do it anyways to see the looks on their stupid faces when you whip it out... they all gasp and grandma just STARES... 

Geez I wouldn't care if anyone had a tonne of the wacky weed and just tiped it in the ocean or whatever the stuff is bad I tell you?
how about you give me that and I'LL take care of it so you'll never have to see it again... oh and call before you come over from now on... just so i can uh... you know... put on coffee... and see now you can focus on getting all those other harmful chemical drugs off the planet... don't dump it into the water because that won't help anything... and who knows what crackhead dolphins are capable of

aRE yOU A vIrGIn?! (just wondering)-Spanky the retarded cat
no i'm not and yes i know that plush animals and dead things don't count as REAL sex...

what is the best way to rid myself of these pesky little rappers? they can't stay out of my way.
run them over

dammit DC, how did you guess? all right, so i'm in a straight jacket, alright? i have no M&Ms will you get me some? i once was in your monitor but now i'm free. but not any more... they found me and put me in here... the walls are soft... when the cats take over, will they set me free? i could serve them. plus, i could be insane at people and make them surrender to the cats. i like ceiling. ceiling nice, floor bad. narf. 123456789blastoff. or should that be 9876543210blastoff? hmmmm. tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky dicky, the crime fighting marshmallow. he tastes gooooooood. i like. - Fido Dido ps ¡tuesday! ¿eat tae? - Fido Dido™ the insane
i want a jacket too... i want a jacket too... i want a jacket too... no ANYTHING till i get one... the cats will only help those that they see fit... and i don't think anyone will vote for you besides your narf... but maybe i'll come visit you to pick up my jacket

alot of these questions arent really questions, but statements with question marks on the end of them? however all the crunchy hippo ¿noodles? - Fido Dido
i've been noticing that... and perhaps i'll have to whip your sorry ass with my tail...

jam. damn. bam. clam. any more for any more? - Fido Dido
pron. not porn, just pron. ¿? - Fido Dido
that's it... 10 lashes... and then 10 with a whip

quite frankly, i think you have issues that need resolving. damn straight. i have answered my own question. burn the squirrels, for they have nickéd the mower of lawns. - Fido Dido waz ere?
i love most of my issues and the rest i squeeze into a tiny ball of rage until it consumes me

How do you find the slope of 18=2x + 3y?
ask it nicely

Do you realise you're supporting the addage, "Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer"? - Mzebonga
yes i do... its pretty obvious...

Does it annoy you when people ask you lots of questions in one go? - Mzebonga
So, does this question annoy you? - Mzebonga
How about this one? - Mzebonga
Does this one annoy you? - Mzebonga
How many questions would I have to ask before you got REALLY, VIOLENTLY annoyed? - Mzebonga
Do you ever wonder what people who ask questions on this website do with their lives? - Mzebonga
Does the amount of questions on this site placed by me help answer the previous question? - Mzebonga
Would it be a good idea if I shut up now? - Mzebonga
Are you aware that I've been drinking? - Mzebonga
Is this getting tedious? - Mzebonga
Would you be happy if this was my last question? - Mzebonga
Will you ever forgive me for all this questions? - Mzebonga
Well, it gave you something to do, didn't it? - Mzebonga
you're going to get a whipping after fido dido does... 

Oh oh oh! Pick me! Pick me! Ooo, you smell nice. is it safe to come out yet? Why won't he touch me? If he's mad about the thing with the Couscous I pinkypromise i thought it was an animal. he knows my heart goes out to him, especially after I found out about his problem with erections. Wait a minute, How does he know hes gay if he's never had a hard on?! Is he just using me for the sex or is it because of my sexy Muppet lunchbox?I had a lunchbox with Buddah on it once. I sure do miss that lunchbox. It was shiny and new until they took it for evidence. OW! I poked myself in the eye. how is it that your hand lands on any random space in the world and it happenes to be your eye. That's not random at all, is it? Anyway, on with the questions: A.Do you have itchy, burning sensations in your private Areas? 2. how much will you pay me to massage your ears? D. Up and downvs. Back and forth vs. in and out real slow? and finally: 3. What's that smell? _Dibbley (Buddah Told Me To) P.S. Howdy!
A. not usually but sometimes yes... and sometimes it feels good that way
2. nothing
D. i don't know.. keep doing it all until i decide which one i like best
3. dead worms
can i see your muppet lunchbox?

I hit the button twice. I'll have to rape him with a fork now.... Y Tu? _Dibbley (I didn't know you could legally do that with a skwerul in 4 states!)
make sure it's a rusty fork

He can TRY to kick my ass, but seriously kidz, he's a monkey and i'm a bitch. who's gonna come out on top in this scenario? -Empriss Nikon
they all know i can kick your stupid ass while having someone suck on my tail... in fact maybe that's what you should be doing instead of trying to dream up impossible scenarios where you inflict pain upon me in a way i don't enjoy... 

will you fetch me a crocodile hunter?
do it yourself lazy ass... well what you've got to do is sneak up quietly behind him...

If you could go back in time and prevent the filming of one movie what would it be?
Annie... i hate that little orphan bitch and i think daddy warbucks shoulda fucked her till she split open and her dumbass mutt could eat whatever is left of her body and choke to death on it

maybe you and empriss nikon have something going on together since you want to kick her ass isnt that a romatic gesture,and is she your sock monkey fuck slut?
yes, in fact you'll ALL my little sluts... 

you should have an insane quotes section?
we did have one but it got to be a copy of insane thoughts ....

I have tattoos "pokes tongue out"hehe I'm not allergic to anything "does a dance". Am I a tad bit rude?
only slightly... mostly childish... no one cares about your stupid tattoos... HATE you.... 

I'm a fan of chocolate milkshakes myself you can have all the strawberries you want?
well then get to it... i'm hungry damnit

You live in canada yet you have no food thats symbolic of canada, thats bullshit there must be something?
you just want to put people in tidy little categories don't you? well fine... if i had to pick foods that i think are 'canadian' then i'll say maple syrup and tim hortons coffee... for more fabulous canadian info... see our canadian site

Sometimes your advice is quite crappy?
yea well look what i have to work with sometimes... i think that you should send me money so i feel better

Are you a bit of a try hard sometimes?
a 'try hard'? it sounds like way too much work

Are we there yet?
damnit... don't make me turn this site around... cuz i will damnit and then NO ONE will have fun EVER again and when we get home i'm going to beat your ass in so hard that you'll think it's somehow romantic

Are you almost finished yet?
yes... thankfully... my head is beginning to get sore...

Meerkats are cool little creatures aren't they?
i have no idea what they are but they haven't bothered me so i'll go with yes

What does a fun day out with you and Jcp involve?
her taking my ass somewhere cool and i don't have to pay for it... cds... some masks... a few odd items to throw at pedestrians... some colored sunglasses and a sack of money to spend... 

Can toilet humor be fun again?
when did it stop? i mean REALLY stop?

i have problems, what should i do?
keep coming back here and get a few more

If the world was made of cotton wool and the sea was made of condensed milk, would the sea be soaked up by the eartj???- lover of all things round
no, because all the birds would rip apart the planet to make nests and then the condensed milk would just kinda hang out there until it got bugs and had to be tossed out

Why is it that whenever I cut myself there's this substance that comes out of my body that is red? -Nicole-
i'm not sure... keep going until you get another color...  

If it happened once can it happen again?
maybe... and then even again

why do they call those white shirts wife beaters... do abusive men wear them or something?
i'm not sure what the deal is with that referal... i suppose it is to imply that those who would beat their wives would also have no concern for their outward appearance, caring only enough to put one of those white shirts on

is masterbating with water dangerous
i can't see why it would be... 

why do my books never balance its those damn kitties they keep buying treats, adam is pissed the books don't balance? help dc?
you are beyond help... and your books don't balance cuz when you're not looking the kitties steal some numbers

why is the sky blue when my shits green?
well the other way around would just be stupid

that monkey on your logo looks like my cousin?
maybe it is...

why is everyone afraid of anthrax? i like it on my toast.
well enjoy your meal

can i have your web site for my own sexual enjoyment?
you can only read it for your sexual enjoyment... its OURS... 

is it true that the song "i've got the power" is the theme song to all successful business woman wearing shoulder pads? why?
yes and if you watch the video backwards you'll understand that it doesn't really matter at all

what the fuck!? -Crazy Chris
everything is just a fucking mess... 

ok it's on bitch. i'm taking you down. and you even try to stick your little bitchass tail in my mouth and i'll bite that shit off. yeah i will. i wasnt aware that my intense hatred for you was actually interest in you. think we could work with that? maybe we should just join forces and beat up the little shit that's asking these stupid questions in the first place.
insanity is always attractive... unless its the type that makes you pray and buy britney spears albums... let's go kick their asses

you whipa me fora being insane? why? damn that coffee, and those lousy red ones - Fido Dido
yes... bring me more coffee and maybe i won't hit you as hard as i can... 

I have M&Ms , I might share if DC appologizes for calling us all sluts? hehe Sally
well... i apologize for calling SOME of you sluts... but the rest of you know that you are sluts and that you'll never be anything but a dirty slut the rest of your life so why don't you touch my tail?

All these hate words between Dc and empriss nikon,it's so obvious your hot for each other, just admit it?
what does that have to do with my kicking her ass? feelings are irrelevant when there's an ass kicking to be dealt out

You should have a thing where you have all our icq numbers because some of us question askers might want to get to know one another when we aren't thinking up insane questions for you and quite frankly I'd like to get to know some of these people?
well start putting it after your names (just the icq number, nothing fancy, no sigs or websites or nothing) and then when there are quite a few then we'll put them online

Ok so I am sittin on the couch playin video games and i see the two cats makin out...All of a sudden i hear a crash from outside. I ran out and there in my very yard, the Juiceman had crashed into my tree. I ran up to him and helped him. But he needed no help for he was the almighty. So i brought him in and talked to him. We watched cartoons and channel 6. Then as i was sittin there and now heres my question. Do u think those cats are gay? JellyFishToast 
those cats may have been gay, but does it really matter when those cats are just puppet decoys to distract you from what's REALLY going on??

How come im so fantastic?
that's just what your mommy tells you... you're nothing special

the other day someone told me to eat shit and die. Is this possible? -ZIMIAN
well both are possible, and i'm sure if you ate enough shit or choked on the shit while eating it then you could die

my goosh ran off.... do you have rex the runt over there? he is funny, but not as funny as vince. if i paid you money would you bitchslap? BEEP. hmmmm. press the donkey, an the hey noddy noddy runs away. answer this almighty DC: why exactly did the dish run away with the spoon? - Fido Dido
rex the runt? no... not here.... and i don't care much for vince... i will bitchslap anyone for money... and i told you.... you have to realize that the spoon isn't there to begin with...

eat the plastic pot plants. are the flies allies of the almighty Cats? they could be useful spies. or how about spiders? - Fido Dido, servant of the Cats (and DC on tuesdays, and frumlashdays. for competitive rates call me now on: 666 FIDO-DIDO)
flies are an alien species that are just studying us along with the white mice... and spiders are the transmitters... they spin their web and then transmit the information

Do old people really shrink? Or is it that we, as a species are getting progessivly larger and will run out of room for our massive bodies in the year 2033?
i think that many older people may lose an inch or two as their bodies 'settle' but i haven't been out measuring them all since they caught me trying on that one old ladies diapers... and i think the real reason that people will have massive bodies by 2033 is due to fast food and people being too lazy to get off their fat asses for even 10 minutes of exercise a day... 

What will we do when the earth is to small for us in 2033? - BuddahDUck
i say leave it like we should be doing anyways... i think there might be enough room out there for us... but if we don't get off the planet soon then humankind is as dead as the dinosaurs

What's love got to do, got to do with it? -BuddahDUck
nothing... no matter WHAT anyone says

Can we do it again?Just because its so insane to do that. Sally ,My icq number =125620848
maybe again... and then twice... maybe a few times on the way home too

Can i mess with your head for a bit?
sure... just don't start cutting things

For the water question, water is not damaging at all the only thing that is damaging is if you actually have sex with someone in the bath of water because well its damn uncomfortable and your knees bang on the bath and it hurts and your head bangs on the bath and it hurts. But having sex in a spa is completely erotic and fun as long as your both sitting up and if your on your own it would be even better with those bubbles bubbling against your skin.uh bubbles.................hmmm I think I might go find a spa want to join me? So water isnt damaging.
sure i'll join you... and i think we should videotape the whole thing and post it here so that others can see for themselves how to do it properly

Spa baths are cool arent they?
i don't know... i haven't been in one yet... 

Everyone knows it , that hatred is just your cover , well its both of your covers, you'll be getting it on soon, you and empriss nikon. And feelings have everything to do with it. Ass beating is a romantic gesture everyone knows it.So thats it
well thanks for the update... you know your hostility is quite enjoyable as well... would you like to spank me?

If I eat 17 nachos can develop an alien's set of fang's?
i've tried that and it doesn't work... instead i just went to the road, scraped off some dead thing from it and took its teeth... then i made my own little type of 'braces' system to hold them in place... i practice growling in the mirror for hours in case burglars ever come and try to steal my light bulbs

So if I put whipped cream on you and licked it off would you comfortable with that?
yes... but just to make sure... do it again

Why do I feel compelled to bite you? If someone bites me I hate it Why?
and where exactly do you want to bite me??? 

Do you have regrets and what are they?
those white birds that fly around in florida?  if i had any then ana would eat them... oh no... i thought you mean egrets... oh... well i have a few regrets... mostly for stuff that i should have done but didn't for some reason or another

I don't think you should take care of the wacky weed because well you'll probably smoke it. So I will burn it then?
i think that that's exactly why i should dispose of it

Yeah people who rock are cool,I rock am I cool?
anyone who says they rock isn't cool... 

So which friend has the hellish girlfriend you speak of?
well more of a friend of a friend... and i'm so sick of hearing about it that i don't even want to think about it anymore... the problem with giving people the right to choose what they do is that most people choose wrong

Okay you can have the peasure but not the money and I don't think you would like my cds,is that okay?
i'll take pleasure anytime...

Okay so what question asker would you meet for a good reason ?(kicking ass isnt a good reason)
i rarely have good reasons for doing anything... in fact most times i don't need a reason at all... but i guess i would choose to meet that jack-o-lantern that wrote in that one time... 

What if people grew on trees?
i'd be in favor of cutting down the rainforests

Oh please don't do it again?
fine but the next time you want to do that then you let me know...

What whores do you have for sale at the moment? I'm interested in getting one
mzebonga is for sale... but you have to promise to beat him... and not just weekly...

what do you think of Mike Patton's new band? -keglineq
which one? i can think of at least 4 you could be talking about...  you know i seriously think that people should look into getting some DNA from this guy and seeing if he isn't just some sort of music-robot designed to just sing and spew music all the time... not that i'm complaining

No ,no,no you got all wrong I don't want you to perform tricks for my kids you know I don't have any, I want you to perform for me because I'm selfish and I don't like to share. Will you jump through the hoop, come on just once to satisfy my ego? Sally
sigh... fine but you better be rubbing my tail for a while then... and no flames... 

How bad can you be for me?
how bad can you handle?

I want you for my viewing pleasure, what will you being showing today?
well it's kind of cold today so you can only see from the waist up unless you agree to warm me up... then you can see everything but the feet

If we sell Dc on ebay we might get enough to run the site for ourselves?
you really think you'd get that much? i didn't know i meant that much to you all... i'm touched... truly touched

So how and why did you put your fist through a wall? This should be interesting?
well it was 'one of those days' and i was arguing with my mother ( i lived at home at the time) and had been doing so for about an hour or two...  i'm hungover from the night before... then the batteries started to die on the smoke detector so it started screeching... i had to get a stool to reach it... so i'm up there with it blaring in my ears... my mom is still screaming at me... the cover wouldn't come off the smoke detector and it keeps going and then the cats start yowling because of the noise... the smoke detector sliced open my finger somehow... and to make a long story story it ends with a hole in the wall and a broken smoke detector 

Quite frankly, I think your over doing it and would like to come over and be your servant, is that okay?
sure... i've been saying that for years...

I was out for my walk today and dammit a child came past running and screaming I look back and the father is just wandering along not a care in the world .Why do people let their kids run riot?
because people are STUPID and they think 'hey.. why not let my brat run around screaming because who cares about anyone in the area that might not want to hear this?  why teach my kids to think about others when they can just be little assholes' and those some stupid people wonder why everyone else is so rude all the time

Can we build snowmen together?
no... but when you're done... call me and i'll come push it over

Is it alright for a human to be seen out with a sock monkey?
yes... especially if the human is just running errands for the sock monkey or cat race

Wouldn't that look a bit a strange?
not really... i mean if tom green can rig up that sausage eating contraption in his living room then damnit i mean anything is possible and its time we start doing this stuff...  i'm sure some freak would discover a way to cheaply get us off the planet and living in space... the freaks are the future...

So if you don't say something to a chick you like you might be letting a good one get away?
exactly... welcome to one of my regrets

Where would you like to go on holiday to another country?
well minus all the shit going on right now in the world... i guess i'd want to see china or maybe egypt

So which chick singers do you like then?
well that chick from garbage is ok when she's being all dark and twisted... uh... and... well i guess that's it

So is it worth getting sick to have a drink of alcohol?
not the way i get sick no... 

You had a babysitter? ahahahahhaha I would have thought you could look after yourself?
well i think everyone has had a babysitter at some point... and when i was in my early teens the parents didn't think i should be left in charge of my younger brothers life for some strange reason... and feared for the safety of their home

If you were to be left on the planet with 6 people who would they be and why? Because everyone else got shot into space to die just like you wished for.
no it's ME who wants to go into space... and i guess i'd keep whoever i could think of at the time... i doubt that those six people would want to stay with me though hahaha

What happens when YOU get high?
usually i just get a bit relaxed and can focus on accomplishing something... or sometimes accomplishing nothing

We are obsessed with your boxers , what kind do you have on today?
you're assuming i'm clothed when answering these questions

Spiffy? i don't like the word spiffy, it's annoying don't you think?
spiffy is a word you use with your parents when they want you to say something about some little thing they've done and so you say 'spiffy' so they feel good and stop bugging you

Why do you always have to be right?
its just easier on us all if i am... 

Does your mom and dad visit this site and what do they think of it?
i know they've seen a few articles that i've written (remember i'm not the only one working on this site)... but i am not aware of them reading beyond that... my mom really liked the shopping bag article and the cow cocoon idea actually began with my father telling us that when on a long drive somewhere... 

Sometimes do you wander around the carpark looking for cars?
well i call them parking lots... but not usually because there are lots of cars there... so i just wander around looking at what people keep in them and taking notes/pictures

You should kick that programmers sorry ass from here to kingdom come , we want a forum, we want a forum. What are you gonna do about it?
i'm going to send them hate mail and pictures of dead animals... and then they will sever my connection to the internet by beating my head in with my laptop... they're in a programming gang... 

I saw you sneak in the back door?
yea? so?

Why does everyone do it with the postman? Plus he must have tonnes of kids?
because he's prompt, courteous, and efficient... 

Would it make a differance if you had a shower first then had a bath?
baths aren't needed... i'm not a bath person

given the chance, what would you do with a backstreet boy?
i would brainwash him to rape and kill the other backstreet boys, brittney spears, and the cast of all reality shows... then come back to me so i can beat him to death

Can I have a little green head to mount on my wall? -BuddahDUck
no... MINE

Why do people mount dead rotting animal heads on their walls? -BuddahDUck
i have NO idea... but maybe we should all start hanging our 'food tropheys' on the wall... i'll start stapling those tv dinner containers to my wall... at least that doesn't stare back at you

What are the little green things in the spaghetti sauce? -BuddahDUck
uh... i didn't see any in mine... but if it kills you can i try eating some of your flesh?

Why do people put those stupid little sweaters on their dogs? It's STUPID LOOKING AND IM SURe thE DOG AINT TO FOND OF IT EITHER, -BuddahDUck again.

How come Micheal Jackson miraculously changed colour?
damnit... what color is he NOW?

Why, if you are happy as larry, was larry happy?
larry wasn't happy at all

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
they want to peck my eyes out and leave me to die as they fly over my body squawking

Mike Patton's Tomohawk band? Shirley Manson looks like shit now do you agree?? keglineq
well i've heard a few mp3s and i'm pretty sure that they are indeed real songs by tomahawk as i can clearly hear patton... and from what i've heard it sounds pretty good... i will be purchasing the album... as for shirley manson... i haven't seen a picture of her lately

Is it okay for a sock monkey to marry a human?
sure... 

Hell yeah I'll spank you , Where and what with?
whoo hooo! on my ass and use your hand for now... and tell me what a bad monkey i've been

I like to bite your arm please I'll try not to draw blood?
leave my arms alone... you can have my neck or shoulders... 

So how many good chicks have you let get away?
i don't know... i don't keep a list or anything of 'lost loves'... 

How are you sorting through your issues?
what? when was i supposed to start doing that? i must have missed that meeting

when will i get a job?
3 weeks from now

If nobodys perfect, and practice makes perfect, then why bother your ass with practicing?
well sometimes you just need something to do for a while

If you mix an oxo cube with laughing cow cheese do you get a laughing stock?
you get dead cow with stuff that used to be in that cow

hare hare DC,DC DC hare hare. is there a fan club of yours that i can join? your magnificent
a fan club? i don't think thats the sort of thing that i should have to do for myself... but you can go right ahead and start one up as long as you send me some free stuff...

hhhhow come the nnnnnice pppeople in my hhhhouse issssist on strrraping me uuuup sooooo tight?
so you feel all warm and snuggly and if you don't like it... send ME the jacket... damnit i want one!

when are the superoir race of alien chipmunks going to take of the word again? (you may not remember the first two times cause they wiped your brain obviously, mines immune)
that's just a rumor the cats started to weed people like you out....

how many minutes or hours a day do u spend on the web site answering questions
well that depends on how many questions have been asked and how much of an answer each question deserves...

And the was light? And it was good? I'm inclined to disagree, if there was no light I wouldn't have seen what I woke up to yesterday morning. - Mzebonga
it was good? who says that? can light be good or bad? aren't those human concepts?

am i the only one who eats frozen peas? -keglineq
yes

You said it was O.K. for a sock monkey to marry a human. If this happens, and they have children, what will the children be? Can I buy one? And this is a little off topic, but do sock monkey vampires exist and where could I find them? -gone postal
they shouldn't be having children... no one should be... and yes sock monkey vampires exist but they suck the fluff out of other stuffed animals... you can find them in large department toy stores

Do you like exstacy
sure, if someone would do something to bring it upon me... you can start but rubbing my tail

Fine I'll bite your neck but don't blame me if I sever an artery?
thats fine

Issues? You have many, many issues but we still adore you, but you do have to work them out ,the meeting is every Friday are you coming?
i guess if i have to... do i get one of those jackets that make me hug me? can i have a black one?

You must be stark raving mad to do THAT?
yea... but it's kinda fun sometimes

Why do people collect fridge magnets?
they have been brainwashed to do so because those magnets are actually little microphones used to spy on you

Why do some people have rediculous doorbells?
they are ridiculous people that buy ridiculous things...

If two people with aids got their freak on would the disease inside them become double its impact like the perfect storm, or would they cancel out like the blood of the outbreak monkey being the cure of a spreading plague?
i think i'll choose option 2... they will cancel each other out like the blood of the outbreak monkey thing

on airplanes why do they bother teaching somewhat educated people how to use seatbelts? why?
and exactly who on the plane are the educated people?  you can't possibly mean the everyday public because they're idiots who have to be told everything... for those of us who really are smart we know to tune out cuz we've already got our damn seatbelts on and have demanded a pillow

what is the difference between a terrorist and a freedom fighter??
the monthly cost and the membership card

is there any gay sock monkeys ? ?
yes, as well as some bisexual ones... basically sock monkeys will have sex with anything willing... and then there are those sock monkeys that prefer to suck their own tails even if someone else offers to do it for them for free...


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