Things That Suck About Xmas & The Holidays
Some of the things that make the holidays suck just that extra little bit beyond what it normally does every year.

People who shop in giant packs - bringing their kids and every family member they can think of - and then end up either totally ignoring their brats or yelling at them about everything.

Spending time picking out something nice for someone to suit their individual taste and they give you something they bought a 24 pack of and just slapped your name on it.

Having to cater to people's bizarre requests for toys for their kids - it MUST be a disney product (and that shit ain't cheap!) or they've got so much crap that you have NO idea what to give them.

People buying your kid(s) the noisiest toy possible that requires 20 batteries to run - and they've taken it out of the packaging so you can't return it and the battery door is hidden so you can't possibly tear them out to silence the damn thing.

Commercials for toys that NO kid wants, no matter how many time you show the commercial. I mean really, teapot pigs? Guinea pig racers? Give it up!

People who get all offended by the saying "ho ho ho". GET OVER IT. If you're a ho and you're offended, too bad. If you're not a ho, then don't get offened, as that's not what it means when it's used in this context.

The shoppers. They're armed with giant bags that seem designed to trip both the shopper and everyone around them.

People who force their families into matching sweaters because they think it's cute instead of pathetic.

Obviously photo-shopped xmas photos because they couldn't get their family to all smile at once.

Dealing with cashiers who have endured the worst people on the planet for weeks and are somehow still expected to be 'cheery' by their supervisors. You don't have to fake it for me - we'll just ring through my stuff in silence, I totally understand.

Finishing wrapping all the stuff and then realizing that you didn't put cards/tags on them, or have NO idea what you just gave anyone and having to unwrap it all again.

Family members who think they can bake well and give you a load of horrible cookies/food that even a starving bear wouldn't choke down.

Everyone is buying up a storm in the hopes that having a lot of crap will somehow make them happy and loved.

People who are refusing to buy anyone gifts because the world will be ending on the 21st of 2012. We've got one more year - live it up!

People who think we've only got one year left until the end of the world and are trying to make this the xmas they all remember before they go to hell.

Pathetic holiday shows that air repeatedly.

Remakes of holiday movies that suck even worse than the original.

The malls which become filled with stinky, sweaty, and angry people who are just as annoyed with each other as you are with them.

Kids screaming as they're dragged around by their parents. They see toys they want, and then cry when their parents (who are tired from the bullshit of shopping) snap at them to shut up, and they cry more. Leave the brats at home!

Parents who let their kids run around screaming and getting in the way of others. This sucks all year long actually.

Foods that are artificially colored red and green for the holidays. Is it festive I'm pissing red and shitting green?

The fatter the shopper, the larger their coat which means they block the aisle. Of course, they don't care/notice and stand their open-mouthed staring at the shelves until they're cattle-prodded into action.

Visiting family members who don't really want you there and you end up sitting there in silence for a few hours. Of course, when you are there, they will give you some stupid little gift and make some big scene about it. It's not even anything but them handing out gift cards, which while is nice on some level, you know it's not actually because they're just doing it to show off how rich they are. So you have to have some stupid little gift for them too but it can't LOOK like a stupid gift because if it is they'll give you that look like you're some cheap fucktard, which of course, you are. It's just a big mind game. Maybe I should just buy myself a gift card and forgo all this nonsense.

Buying shit for other people that you would never ever buy normally, like a really shitty DVD or CD by some horrible band/singer. You're ashamed just walking up to the counter and paying for it. When you explain that it's for someone in a gift exchange, the clerk gives you that half-smile to let you know she/he thinks you're really buying that lame shit for yourself.

Christmas music that loops the same damned songs over and over every 20 minutes.

I hate the song "What child is this?" I'll tell you what child is this, it's the child in aisle 3 screaming it's fucking head off and if someone doesn't do something about it soon I'll snap its head off.

Commercials trying to push damn cell phones on you like it's the greatest thing. Make it so each cell phone renders the user more sterile after each use and I might start buying them from everyone.

People that get sucked in by those commercials and you end up getting 4 cell phones as presents, when you don't want any and the hassle of bringing them back makes you wish you had just been shot in the legs a few times instead.

People who love getting the damned cell phone and spend two weeks playing with the rings until you snap and smash both their face, and the cell phone.

Stuffed animals that emit xmas songs and do dances. The people who think they're really clever are those who find them in the store, set them all off and walk away.

People who insist that everything have the name CHRISTMAS slapped on it, and then claim it's not a religious thing. It says CHRIST right in the damned word. THAT is religious. If you want it to be non-religious, you say HOLIDAY.

People who insist on calling it a HOLIDAY instead of christmas because it's some religious-tainted word. It's just a WORD, get over it.

Dancing trees and other knickknacks designed to shake/move/sing and blink. A pig that oinks jingle bells IS NOT cool.

Fire hazards like candles in trees, or candles left burning in every room. If you live far out in the country where you can't burn down others places with your stupidity, then go head and be unsafe. For the rest of you, PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BURNING CANDLES.

Getting pink socks as gifts. Or anything pink. I hate pink. Or weird socks that don't fit.

Getting fatter from everyone feeding you food and you can't say no or they get all 'Come on, just one?' until you choke one down to shut them up.

Finally losing some weight but no one notices because you're stuck wearing thick sweaters to keep your scrawny ass warm.

Being given all sorts of food and either hating it all and not eating any of it, or loving it all and eating it all in one night.

Not being given ANY sort of food, and you have nothing to eat because you've been away doing holiday crap - so you're surrounded by stuff, too tired to go get anything, not sure how much cash you've got (you've been given gifts cards for everything but a food place) and starving.

People who insist on a big formal dinner event in their never-used dining room while you choke down their horrible food they say is inspired by some cheesy Food Network special they watched last week.

Cleaning up after dinner when all you really want to do is fall asleep for a week.

Waiting for everyone to shut the hell up and leave so you can enjoy your night in your comfy pants and fart.

Having to drive for a long time and stay over at a family members house for the holiday. Then you have to get home, unload all the crap you got, and get on with your New Years plans. By the time you sober up, suddenly it's back to work/school and you're still not sure what the hell is going on.

People who enjoy singing carols and such but they suck horribly at singing, making the whole experience incredibly painful. When they find this out, they think it's funny and sing louder.

Puking up bad meat as soon as you get home, and spending the rest of the night with horrible stomach cramps. Don't even get me started on the hallucanted elves.

Having to eat horrible cucumber/potato/whatever salad that a family member always makes. Can't they learn to make anything different? Or GOOD?

Having to listen to family members ramble on about how much you've grown and if you're married yet. If you are married, then they pester you about having brats. If you have brats, then when will you have more? If you already have a lot, why did you have SO many?! If they're grown up, why don't THEY get married and have brats?!

If you're single, then they try to fix you up, claiming you need some 'holiday spirit'.

Finding out 'holiday spirit' doesn't mean alcohol.

Pretending to like the relatives you hate so that you don't get accused of 'ruining the holidays'.

Getting crazy shit you can't even begin to comprehend, and no idea where to return it for something useful, like cash.

Watching a family member get loaded and trying to hit on the family dog, and you're not drunk enough to find it funny.

Sending cards and getting them. They're big, they all look the same and they end up in the garbage. Just give me the cash.

People can barely decorate the insides of their homes, and for some reason they're encouraged to show off their shitty taste on the outside. How many plastic fucking santas do you need?!

Getting cards from people who just sign their name and nothing else. What was the point? Why waste money on that?

Having people singing at your door and you don't want to pay them to go away so you just slam the door and they keep on singing, refusing to leave until you pay them.

Having to help make the house spotless so the stuck-up family can't criticize it.

Your whole family is on edge before guests arrive, and then suddenly you're supposed to look like you've had a great day while waiting for them.

People who think they're cool because they used only white lights to decorate, and those damned lit up deer that everyone seems to have.

Getting damn fruitcake every year and hating it, or if you like it, not being given any.

Having to smile at the shitty gifts you get by those who couldn't be bothered to actually find out what sort of thing you liked, and just picked up whatever 'everyone else' likes.

Being forced to join in on the singing and just moving your mouth to the words isn't tolerated.

People pretending to be Santa and being all friendly when really all year they're nasty bastards.

People who cover their whole house with stupid decorations, blinking lights, flood lights, plastic statues, banners, and everything else they can slap onto their house.

Having neighbors who have contests or enter decorating contests, so they come over and bug you to decorate when you don't want to. So you wake up to find your damn house decorated by that crazy lady down the street who's into christmas, even though you told her NOT to touch your place this year.

Xmas lights from neighbors houses that blind people driving by so they smash into your house.

People who spend a ton of money on bows and wrapping paper, yet can't spare $20 to go to a food bank or some other helpful place like a shelter that needs it during the holidays.

People driving around really slow because they're out there to see the stupid decorations.

Getting invited to cool things when and you can't go because you have to go to family xmas crap.

Getting invited to cool things and not being able to go because of horrible weather.

Egg nog.

Candy canes made into hearts and other stupid shapes. Everyone seems to have candy canes but who actually eats them? Can you even tell if they've gone bad? Do they go bad? What if you're eating a five year old candy cane?

Having to share chocolates with everyone when you're given them.

Having everyone give you chocolates and you can't stand them.

People who take a bite out of a chocolate and then put it back in the box because they didn't like it.

Stale gingerbread houses.

Having to "dress up nice" for family or other events.

Elmo and whatever stupid shit he's doing now.

People who shop at the last moment at a gas station for your gift. If that's what it's come to, just give the cash.

Always getting someone shitty as your Secret Santa and you end up with some sort of fucked up 'gift basket' full of shit you'd never use like scented soaps shaped like roses but they stink like farts.

Really dry and sick sugar cookies.

Kids that are given really loud toys and they purposely put them in your face and have them go off a million times but you're not allowed to yell at them to shutup.

Stupid xmas cards that say "May you understand the gift of Christ."

Getting coal in your stocking from your parents.

People asking you what you want and then getting the exact opposite.

Having to see your stupid relatives and hear about how great they are and how you're putting on weight.

Cheery people who give everyone a small present that you can't use or even know what the hell it is. Normally they make these little items themselves like potholders, knitted squares with a snowflake pattern on it, or a christmas pin of some sort.

Having to choke down your moms horrible Christmas cookies and having to take some home with you, so you throw them out the window as you're driving home.

Sitting at the kids table because there is no room for you at the adults, even though you're in your twenties, or thirties.

Commercials trying to sell you shit that you don't need and don't like.

People who only go to their religious centers/churches etc during the holidays so they can feel 'good' and the rest of the year they're complete assholes.

Whatever the latest craze is for this season.

People who dress up their pets with those stupid antler things and make you look at them. You have no choice but to smile and nod or make some sort of sarcastic comment before they let they poor creature run off to hide in shame.

People who dress up as elves because they want to, not because they have to or get paid in any way.

Stupid people making stupid centerpieces and then saving them forever as some sort of trophy.

All the wrapping paper and cards that get thrown out each year, helping to reduce our resources and creating more landfill waste.

Cards that people spend hours picking out, and expect you to cry when you read them.

Having to give people cards because for some reason they can't accept a gift without them.

Wrapping paper with dumb sayings on it like "Joy" or "Santa Loves You"

Having to go to dinner after dinner just so someone doesn't get bent out of shape because you didn't see them for the holidays.

Crappy xmas cookies that everyone brings into work.

Festive stamps for letters.

Companies who plaster their products with pathetic christmas theme pictures until you want to vomit.

Commercials who insist you must find THE PERFECT GIFT for someone, or suggest extremely sexist ideas. Not ALL women want shitty perfume, useless jewelry or more damned slippers. Not ALL guys want aftershave, useless gadgets or more damned underwear.

People who put bows on everything. EVERYTHING.

Everyone kissing and hugging you when you show up at events and then right after tell you their ill.

Family members who have 'issues' with others and you have to deal with their shit all day long. brings out pathetic no cheer here bullshit articles and lists just like shitty holiday decorations each year.

Getting gifts that SUCK.

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