Things That Suck
If you are ever in doubt of something sucking, check this list.
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hockey games where everyone is afraid to shoot the puck

folding chairs that don't fold out

lemurs who sleep during the day

Frisbees

mold in your paper mache bucket

yellow cars and trucks

dull scissors

having a fish shoved up your ass, then pulled out so there are scales stuck in your ass

sitting on a sack of lard and having it seep out onto you

falling into the pit of eternal stench

having walls move around when you're not looking

advertisements where sluts say they've been having sex all weekend, and stupid guys who only drink with other guys

the whole ex advertising campaign

taco bell for selling untested genetically altered foods

voting when there is no one you like but are forced to pick one anyways

soggy socks

going to a club where everyone looks like everyone else

having to hold yourself back from punching someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend out

plants that die simply due to lack of water

loud feedback noises late at night

working for a company that doesn't reward good employees, but instead rewards those  who screw the company over and slack off

local magazines that don't cover any local events

soggy muffins

MP3s that are missing the last minute

having your fingernails fall off

running out of kitty litter and having to use sugar

falling off a piano

wedding ceremonies that last for days and don't have a reception

someone telling you to take a seat

avalanches that bury you face down in the snow and you die there

full two second stops at stop signs

anything having to do with love

company slogans made up by management losers

wax buildup in your ear and it begins to hurt your ear

blood blisters

cold sores that seep out puss for days

your first day at a new job

cat drool dripping into your mouth and you like the taste

someone farting and you lean forward to inhale more because you enjoy the smell

sneezing animals that get snot all over you

trying to pass to someone who isn't there

having your chair pulled out from under you when you go to sit down

choking on your own spit, then end up spraying it all over the person closest to you

finding a parent's sex toy beside your birthday present... and it's still wet

hurricanes on ice

seeing a movie, then thinking that it could all happen to you, then not being able to sleep because you're so
worried and then your whole life suffers because all you can think about is that one day you're gonna die and then what?

rambling sports commentators that can't remember any players names.

unpronounceable last names

wonky spell checkers

parrots that keep talking to you

28.8 modem connections

employers that lie to you

putting on socks that have been sucked on by a cat!

being asked to carry stones around in your pockets

phones that never stop ringing

walls that are so high you can't climb free

worms eating into your brain while you're laying on the grass trying to get some sun

having snot all in your keyboard and keys when you sneeze

stuffed animals that plot against you when you're not looking

horoscopes that are written specifically against you

earthquakes while you're practicing a difficult yoga pose

trying to talk over the sound of a helicopter

being whipped with lots of belts on your ass because you broke a vase

tanks that constantly run over your house

mud that crawls into your bed and plays around for awhile

wet fingers being shoved into your various holes in your body

birds that peck apart your windows so they can fly in and peck out your eyes

having to stand on telephone poles

finding bird bones buried in your backyard

insects that talk to you in high-pitched voices

trying to dig a hole to china and getting your fingers burnt in the molten lava within the earth

feelings

washer fluid that is actually paint

bitchy cats that pull on your hair at 6 in the morning cuz they want their damn food

wrinkly feet

alligator farms as your neighbors

peeing in your own pool

fat bald naked men running around on airport runways.

the word 'cockpit'... do you really want to go up and see it?

losing the remote and finding it covered in cat piss... but you HAVE to change the channel because some horrible reality show is on and you'd rather die then watch even a second of it... 

leaving things exactly as they were before

soda machines that shoot out pop at you

watching the skies for life and being disappointed each and every damn night

eating crispers until you puke it all up

falling off a skateboard

having 'priorities' and having to keep them in order.  i don't even know what they look like.

when people come over, and you want them to leave, but you don't want to just tell them to get out. So then you have to make excuses, or exaggerate yawns repeatedly. Eventually you just have to say "well, i have to get up early tomorrow so..." or "i'll give you a ride home... get your coat." or "fuck off, i hate you"

when you have noisy neighbors and you withhold saying something in fear  that they'll send over their trashy kids to hang out with you for the day.

sawdust toilet paper

finding out you have been under surveillance for the last two years

having old women dig their fingernails into your scalp

picking your nose and having puss flow out of it instead of snot

having your underwear stolen by sock monkeys

Dew

Instructions in a language you don't know

Putting your hand on a hot stove

Sticking your head in an oven, being pushed in and being baked

Head cheese in your coffee

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