Nov 11/04
Answered by: Herbert

wow... I was on just a few moments age, then had to go and send JCP an email...and then the questions are miraculously answered....are you magic?-bluemonkeyfearer
Wow, being a magic monkey, now that sounds like a lot of fun! My magic wand will be my tail and wag it around, spraying everyone with my magicness!

So... since you answered questions before Friday does that mean that you get to keep your stuffing?-bluemonkeyfearer
Yes I do, and even though I'd enjoy a good thrashing from JCP, I don't think she'd be kind enough to restuff me afterwards. In fact, she's the sort of type that would light my inner fluff on fire and laugh as it burnt.

Why did everyone vote for Bush? Why wouldn't they vote for a Tree instead? Oh, i'm funny - Hufflebunny
Not only am I a sock monkey, but I live in Canada, so I don't get to vote on anything. If I could vote, I'd vote for more fun.

What is your favourite colour? What is your favourite number? Kali
Green is such a fun colour, I'd say that's my favourite. Any number that wins me something fun is my favourite!

I qiana an idiot? Is Chanel an idiot? Is Naomi an idiot? Kali
How sad Kali, must you put down others to make yourself feel better? You owe those people hugs for being mean. Then you owe me one too.

Hey there. I thought I asked a question last time, but I guess I didn't. Are you still doing well? McDiablo
Hi McDiablo! You should write me a story to read to make up for your missing question. Just kidding! Yes I'm doing well. This morning I woke up earlier than usual and was able to play with my tail for awhile.

Who is your hero in the sock monkey world? McDiablo
I don't really have specific heros, as I prefer to worship people as my personal gods for weeks at a time instead. I have some space open in December, do you want to be one? I'll build you a shrine and everything!

Do you like cats? McDiablo
Mostly yes, but there are some that are just mean. Mean cats should have signs to warn you that they're mean and may harm innocent sock monkeys who try to pull on their tails.

are we scizophrenic no were not go away!is this the question thingy are you a monkey named herby no I don't want to do this leave me alone wait what color of monkey are you thathinguywhois
I'm named Herbert, but some people call me Herby and well I guess that's ok. As long as someone is talking to me and not calling me bad things then I'm happy just to have someone near me. You probably feel the same way, as your questions seem to be begging for attention. I'll give you a hug too.

WHat happened to the bug monkeys?????? What if I wanted to win a bug monkey????? What if I LIKED the frog monkey? WHY??????????-bluemonkeyfearer
JCP killed them with a swatter. Ok, she didn't. Perhaps the website rejected them because they're so cute!

Why were people being idiots and getting all those monkey butt awards? Is no one in this world original anymore? -Hufflebunny
It could just be an off month for people, but that'd just be me making excuses for them all. Well not excuses, more like a single excuse, but still, that doesn't change all those butt awards. In fact, it reminds me that I'm a bad monkey since I never answered them!

A few days ago, I was babysitting and the kids and I were making things with playdough. I made a Sock Monkey, but its arms and legs wouldn't stay on! How do you suggest I keep them from falling off, next time? -Hufflebunny
I find that, if you're allowed sharp objects, a toothpick works best. You can either snap the toothpick in half and pin each arm to it, or not. Give it a try, take photos and send them in.

i know people mustve asked this a gazillion times now, but you must take into consideration the fact i was 'on holiday' for a few years at this really nice little place where they make you wear these little jackets with lots of buckles on them and no arms, and where you have a nice little room with soft walls all to yourself.. anyways what i wanted to ask was what actually happened to DC? *please dont get mad at me!! i just wanna KNOW!! - SiNiSTaR
You might have seen DC where you were, in fact, how do we know that you're not a spy for DC? Yea sure. Trying to kick me out before my prime. Nice try! As for the story on DC, here is where you can find it.

I say BBQ sause and lick it off monky tail is the best but my pet nome says it sucks and thank brown monkey tail is the best who is right?
Anything that leads to having my tail licked is good for me.

would you ever get your tail pierced, if it promised your partner endless pleasure?? - SiNiSTaR
Since I'm a sock monkey and that sort of thing doesn't actually hurt, then I'd say sure. By making sure my partner is pleased, they'll want to please me, and want to have me touch them many times because I'm so pleasurable to be with, with or without a tail piercing.

did you know that 'dexter' refers to right-handedness and 'sinister' left-handedness?? I'm a lefty btw! - SiNiSTaR
I didn't know, but now I do! Mostly I'm a righty, however, when it comes to playing with my tail, I can use both hands.

When I was in a chat room yesterday, I said, " I like cheese, cheese is orange" in Spanish and they replied to me in spanish and called me an idiot and said "cheese is 'armillo' " which I think was their pitiful attempt at spelling "amarillo" which is yellow. Should I kill them for calling me stupid and contradicting my all powerful knowledge or should I kill them for spelling yellow wrong?-bluemonkeyfearer
Now, now, no need for that. If the Spanish Cheese Monkeys didn't kick your ass for saying things wrong, then you shouldn't be killing anyone for correcting you. If anything, you owe the Spanish Cheese Monkeys an apology. That and some cheese. I'd like cheese too, so if you have any left over, bring it to my place and we'll feast!

"ugly_blue_monkey" got a monkey butt award for last month's What Ifs. Should I chase him/her/it down and kill for using the blue monkeys in his/her/its name or just laugh at his/her/its stupidity?-bluemonkeyfearer
I think this is just a hysterical reaction. You claim you're afraid of them, yet want to kill them? What you need to do is get yourself a blue monkey outfit and dress up in it. Then, once you've lived life for awhile as one of them, you might see that they're not so evil. Sure, they might see you and try to attack you and make you their own, but if that happens, then you've confirmed that they're evil and can now cause trouble from within their ranks. That requires a lot of work doesn't it? Yea, so just laugh at them, that's much easier.

whats the point of doing speed if you can just drink a million red bulls? (and don't say it costs less) -sugar high
There is no point to doing speed if you can just drink a million red bulls.

i was at this mall and some chick comes up to me and my friend with her boyfriend and tell us she wants to make a friend. she then proceeds to talk for about half an hour and at the end i had a strong urge to throw my ice cream at her boyfriends ryan-cabrera like hair. my friend saw the glint in my eye and took my ice cream. wah. they wore bright colors and they scare me. what can i do next time when scary people try to talk to me?--eyewideopen
Run away screaming! No, just kidding. Give them a great big hug and tell them how happy you are to have new friends. If you don't want them to be your friend, send them to me. New friends are so much fun!

What would you do/say if you were trying to quit smoking, and then some pathetic asshole who only started smoking 2 seconds ago says to you "Quitting is for Losers"? - SiNiSTaR
Ignore the idiot. If they continue to speak, spray them with urine.

is DC dead? what happened to SAnimal? i'm really lost - SiNiSTaR
Well there is a link right on the main page of the site isn't there? As for SAnimal, I have no idea, I never met him. I think he just left or something. It's ok SiNiSTaR, I'm here now, you can hang out with me instead, I'm tons more fun! So stop asking about DC and play with me instead.

my friend was telling me the other day about this mythical creature called a 'gorgon' that apparently looks something like a cow. so naturally i asked her if thats where gorgonzola came from and she just laughed rudely in my face. What the--?? - SiNiSTaR
I'd be sad and cry if someone laughed rudely in my face. Tell them how much they hurt your feelings and if that doesn't work, kick them in the ankle until they're crying too.

why is it that when I'M not getting laid, everyone ELSE around me is?? - SiNiSTaR
Invite me over! I'll solve that problem and a few others. All you have to do is tell me when it feels good and trust me when I blindfold you. The safeword is 'aluminum'.

are you thirsty? - Horse
Yes, thank you for asking. Will you bring me a drink now?

there are some people who just pretend to be my friend and then use me for my intelligence to help them with term papers and shit. i'm not stupid, i know they're using me, but i'm just too much of a pacifist to do anything about it and i keep helping these stupid sad fucks get through their semesters in uni. i guess i'm just too nice and kinda don't want to see these morons fail. help me figure out what i should do? this is serious stuff.. - SiNiSTaR
Well I hate to say it, but it's time for you to be a bitch. Tell them that a teacher spoke to you and is onto you, something of the like, or just tell them that you're not doing this anymore and leave it at that. It might suck at first to deal with it, but it's worth it in the long run. It's better they fail now in school then later on when they're doing some job that decides if people live or die etc. Besides, people that do that suck, and that's just not fair to you. I suggest you spit on stuff they like and then come here and tell me about it!

Why why why??? Am I an idiot? I dunno if I already sent you this question but am I an idiot? Kali
Poor Kali, you need a hug too. Come here.

Do you think Im asking a good question?
Um no.

Nov 18/04
Answered by: Herbert

We had to read "The Tale of Two Cities" for English class last year. It annoyed me terribly....WHY do I have the impulse to read it again???-bluemonkeyfearer
I think you might want to live in one of the two cities, is that it? No? Well then, I think you just like saying the word city. Who doesn't? Let's all of us say it together, CITY!

I took a 174 question insanity test that I found on the internet, and it told me I was 60.8% insane. That's not even a passing grade!!! I believe I failed because I did not answer yes to questions that involved things I am clueless about. Should I seek a second opinion?-bluemonkeyfearer
That test was lying! Only 60%? I'd be outraged! Time to go fling your shit at the makers of this test. In fact, they probably only gave out shitty scores like that so that they'd feel more insane, or they just don't know anything about what being insane truly is. On your way over to their place, pick me up, I've got some shit to fling at them too.

My college wants me to be interviewd by mental psychologists and psychiatric experts. This is partly due to my bag being covered in the bones of a cat and two chickens. They'll love the story of how I slaughtered, skinned, dicapitated then extricated the cats bones. Ah, the humanity... I love those white-coated guys. Sometimes I wish they were around all the time. Especially the women. Mmm. Sometimes I dream about them being... *naked*... To what extent am I in love with women in white coats? I do not know. I only know what I tell myself. Afterall, I am not what I think I am... Only who I am. - Mort.
Did you just say that you HURT a CAT? Now I'm truly outraged. I say that you should be gutted and I'll give your skeleton to JCP because she's always wanted one to look at. That way, the cats are safe, and your sorry ass will be used to scare JCP's relatives.

Why do I feel prejudice towards Sock Monkeys? Is it wrong to assume that every single one is consumed by the obsession with sexual deviance? - Mort
If every single one were, I'd be off in a giant orgasmic heap of them instead of trying to hit on all of you in the hopes that one of you will touch my tail. I know you want to Mort, don't deny yourself the pleasure of giving me pleasure.

How come, on that "Dentyne Frost Bites" commercial, the guy takes the package out of his pocket and shares them. but the thing is, he doesn't HAVE a pocket. How can this be? -hufflebunny
Commercials are there to confuse us all! Good thing you noticed the unreality in it, now you can begin to peel away the layers of deception in all commercials. It begins with pockets that don't exist.

Don't you love commericals where the people scream alot? :) -hufflebunny
Commercials are only fun if they're just music and colored shapes. Ok, sometimes they have sock monkeys in them and then it's really wonderful and I must admit I love those.

intergalactic space monkeys are beaming orange cheese into my horse and am getting mad especially since since cheese is yellow! herbert can you speak with them and make them stop beaming cheese into my horse? thathinguywhois
Of all the places to beam cheese and they're beaming it into your horse? How unfair! I want those space monkeys to beam cheese into ME! NOW!

I have at last finished my statistics exam for this semester (YES! no more t-tests, chi squares and ANOVAs for me!), are you excited, titillated, thrilled, stimulated and otherwise generally aroused for me? - Fish
In honor of your last exam, I've spent 10 minutes in the bathroom with my tail. Good times I tell you. Hurrah for us both!

if stereo systems were made of blue squirrles would elephants eat them?thathinguywhois
Oh yes, I'm sure they would. Elephants love to do that sort of thing all the time to blue rodents. That's what they are you know, rodents. I don't like them. They make noises at me and then chase me out of the trees. One time a fat one actually shoved me out of a tree.

How many testicles is it normal to have? - Mzebonga
What, in a jar? In your closet? In your own body? For you, I'd say that at least one is normal. Well, one and a half.

What made Hufflebunny believe that DC could ever defeat me? - Mzebonga
Generally, sock monkeys are better than whatever it is that you are. That would lead her to believe that he could defeat you. However, DC is a mental sock monkey who is probably locked up somewhere being punished for stealing something silly like a giant drum. I cheer for your victory Mzebonga, at least you're a bit more fun to play with.

Why are your ears so big mofo?
They were made that way. My tail is large too.

In "Shrek 2", Pinnochio busts some badass moves. Are you a good dancer? McDiablo
Oh yes I can bust a move with the best of them. I can rock the block and get my groove on all at the same time! I'm not sure how good Pinnochio is though, I haven't seen that movie.

Did you have any pets when you were younger? McDiablo
I had a pet pillow. I'd hug it, sleep on it, rub up against it, put shoes on it and everything. One day it caught on fire and burnt to death very quickly. It was horrible and I cried a lot. All I wanted to do was warm it up in the oven, how was I to know that it'd die in there? I felt bad enough, and when I tried to comfort myself in JCP's boots, she kicked me out.

Do you know anyone who annoys the hell out of you? If so, what is it about them that is so annoying? McDiablo
There aren't a great amount of people that annoy me. Those who try to make eat cabbage annoy me, and anyone who doesn't want me touching shoes is annoying as well. I figure that most people can be turned into less annoying people by simply putting a gag in their mouth, or my tail.

what are the ingrediants in a lava lamp mine needs new stuff jenn
You don't make your own, you go out and buy that glass jar/bottle. It's about $20 to $40 depending on what type you want and where you go to find them.

tampons or pads? which are better
For cleaning up counter messes, pads work much better. For plugging leaks in pipes, or as earplugs, the tampons are my choice. Many more tampons than pads will fit in a pair of shoes too.

What is your favorite Flouride flavor at the dentist.. and Why would they give it to us if we can't swallow it? Will it hurt us? -Hufflebunny
Oh I love them all, but I don't have teeth so I just rub my face in it and enjoy the smells! It's just for the outside of your teeth though, not for your stomach, that's why you don't eat it. I'm sure it wouldn't be so good for you to eat, but I don't know why.

Why is it that everywhere except Prince Edward Island have "slurpees?" We just call them Slushies. -Hufflebunny
I'm not alone! I asked JCP what slurpees were because they're called slushies here too. Now I don't feel so silly.

what does it mean if some one has a lump and flakey suff and a bad odor in the vigina does that mean that this person has std or is it possiable that she can be pregant
Ew, that sounds like someone is infected with something nasty, or very dirty. Either way, get them/you to a doctor and clean that up.

do you look at nude girls every week
Not every week, but say every seven days or so. I look at naked people, animals, insects, everything. Will you come and show me your nude body too?

I'm not sure this would apply to Sock Monkeys, and possibly not even the female of the species either. Why after having a shower/bath/been swimming/watersports/any other water realated activities, your genitals are the very last things to dry no matter how HARD you RUB them? - Mort
I've always found that rubbing something HARD just makes things generally more wet. Most times I don't mind, but the people on the bus do. Either way, don't rub so hard or just deal with being wet. If truly needed, I will lend you my tail to wipe yourself off with. Wait a minute, isn't 'watersports' another term for people who are into pissing on people and being pissed on by others for sexual pleasure?

Did someone jerk off in my hat ?
Oh, that's your hat? Sorry. It was so nice though, and soft, yet sorta hard. Mmmmmm.

sock monkey...theres a sock monkey at my school and i really like him...but i can only talk 2 him on the phone or online because every time he comes near me his tail very scary..please help! should i finish with him as we wil never be able to talk face to face? *star*
Wow, he has a glowing tail? I'm jealous! You should go into a dark room with him and see how much it can really glow. Damn, I'm really jealous.

How long is your tail? - chaos_zero
Didn't I just answer this the last time? Well this time it's 20 inches. I'm not measuring it just for you.

Hypothetically if i were to begin chewing on a sock monkey... would it taste good? howl -wolfman
That really depends on which part of the sock monkey you're chewing on. I wouldn't want you to chew on me, you're a wolf and that would hurt. Then again, might be a good hurt, so maybe if I'm drunk you can chew on me.

Why do sock monkeys have buttons for eyes, and not those googly-eye thingys? Buttons have no pupils. It's just creepy.
The googly eye things are creepy. I'm glad I don't have eyes like that, I'd be forced to rip them off my face and eat them.

Which do you prefer--cooking or baking? McDiablo
I prefer either if I don't have to do it. Other people can make me food all they want! I'm not allowed near the oven anymore due to the pillow incident.

Do you like dancing (or, as I call it, busting a move)? McDiablo
Oh yes! I love it! Would you like to dance, sorry, bust a move with me?

Do you have a favourite Disney movie? McDiablo
Hmmm, I don't know. It's been awhile since I've seen any!

How does the buildup of subunit c of ATP synthase in cerebral neurons cause the subtotal neuronal death exhibited by neuronal ceroid lipofuscinosis? (stupid research) - Fish
Wow, those are a lot of clever words aren't they. Too bad I don't know most of them.

"It is much cleverer to speak nonsense than to listen to it . . . no matter what the public may say on the matter." Was not Oscar Wilde a genius (and not at all ingenuous)? - Fish
That makes sense. I like it. I think he's a genius now too. In fact, if that statement is true, then this website is a shining example of genius.

Whats your Favourite cheese? What do you like to eat with your cheese? NoobyFop
I like cheddar the best, all by itself. Sometimes crackers insist on joining in, but really, who needs them? Cheese is wonderful on it's own.

Are uneven breasts a turn-on for men, ya know like a Bcup and a DDcup?
Well I for one am just happy if a woman has breasts at all. Even just one is fine with me, as I only have one mouth anyway.

Nov 25/04
Answered by: Herbert

Is that what I think it is?-bluemonkeyfearer
Um, well yes. Sorry. I just got so excited I had to express myself.

Should cheese be growling at me?-bluemonkeyfearer
It shouldn't, but since it is, I say you smack it with a bat or hockey stick. That will teach it! Then, eat it all up using a fork. Cheese knows that you're serious when you start using a fork.

If cheese grew on trees, where could I find some?-peanutbutter
Well if it grew on trees, then you'd find it on trees.

Don't worry Herbert, I lied about hurting cats for the purpose of the question. I'm not all that mean. Do you forgive me? And yes, I would like you to rub me with your tail. - Mort
Good thing you were lying, I was starting to hate you. Since you'll still let me rub you with my tail, I'll forgive you this time and hope that you never lie to me like that again. Lies make little Herbert cry you know.

What is the purpose of the funky red stripes on your tail, hands, and feet? Can I touch your pretty red stripes?-bluemonkeyfearer
Of course you can touch them! Make sure Mort is out of the way first though. They're racing stripes to make me quick and smart. Well ok, they're not, but maybe one day!

how do you know if a girl likes you refraineddeath
If she tells you she does, then she might. The only way to know is to ask, or get a mind-reading device. I'd imagine that you could build one into a hat or something, and then go talk to her, seeing if she thinks anything nice about you. Then again, you might discover that she's turned on by smelly farts or something strange, which will make you not like her.

do you like southpark refraineddeath
Yes I do, it can be pretty funny. I haven't seen a lot of recent episodes due to my living with Poptart (he has no cable TV in his place) but the old episodes are funny.

Do you know what an olio is?-bluemonkeyfearer
No I don't, is this another word you made up to confuse me? If so, it worked! If not, just pretend you did and we'll both have a nice long laugh about it. Laughing makes me warm. Sometimes if I laugh too much, it hurts my insides.

In your sock monkeyish opinion, what would be a good writing topic for an insane story? I have writer's block.-bluemonkeyfearer
You should write a story about how I travel the world trying to find more sock monkeys with shoe fetishes like me. I'd like to have my own island where shoes and sock monkeys run free to indulge themselves whenever they want.

how should I go masturbuate?
Why do that when you could come over to my place and play with MY tail?

Are you like me and get kind of annoyed when people spell things wrong? McDiablo
Sometimes yes. If it's a simple word that people are too lazy to spell right, then yes I get angry and fling my shit at them. It will teach them not to do that sort of thing. You should do the same thing, only you might want to wear gloves if you don't like the feeling of shit on your hands.

What are your thoughts on masochism? McDiablo
If both people consent to this and enjoy it, then I don't have a problem. In fact, if you'd like to tie me up and such, I think that'd be great. Will you? Please? Come on, I can take it.

Do you like onions? McDiablo
Mostly yes. There are times I don't like the little green onion things that are chopped up and jammed into my food.

why don't you ask me a question for a change? -pirkapoyzkru
If you wanted me to ask you questions then set up your own website and I'll ask you a few things. Sure, most of the questions will be much along the line of 'Will you touch my tail?' but they're important questions.

Why does it seem nearly EVERYONE except for me got chased by a duck at one point of their childhood, and now they're afraid of ducks?-Hufflebunny
You must live in a duck-infested place. I've never heard of anyone being chased by ducks enough to traumatize them. Tell me where you live so I can come visit. Having ducks chase me would be fun!

Do you think I'm hot ? You were one sexy little monkey, that's for sure. -Herbelina-
Oh wow, *blushes* thanks! If you think I'm sexy, then you're very hot to me. Come on over, I have a tail for you to play with. I kept it warm just for someone like you!

what do i do after DIR?
Um, try MIR.

Can computers kill?-bluemonkeyfearer
Oh yes. One time a computer jumped out a window to land on its owner. Both were killed instantly. Instead of kicking computers, just yell at them. If you kick them too much, they go crazy and kill.

I was wondering why my voice always give out before I have to make a speech. Is this the alignment of the cosmos, or edfellows Kerry and Dubya planning to quiet me? Impart your all knowing-ness stuff, please! - SkyofStluke
Those freakshow people (Kerry and Puppetboy) aren't interested in you. It's tiny bugs that work for a crazy family member of yours. The bugs have been ordered to fly into your throat and cause you to be silenced. To fight this, drink hot tea.

Goat sodomy: a great form of exercise, or blasphemy?
If the goat has agreed to it, and enjoys it, then it's great exercise for you both.

Today on the school bus, we were talking about careers and the subject of Prostitution came up. and we're not sure, but I think that prostitution is illegal. Do you think it is, and would you like to come out on the roads of P.E.I. and help prove me right? People will touch your tail... =) -Hufflebunny
I honestly don't know if it's legal anywhere else, but I'm thinking that here in Canada, it isn't. Sure, people can whore themselves out on TV for money, yet somehow it's different on the street. Either way, you win! I'll gladly go to PEI to tell all those people on the bus how right you are if you touch my tail.

Herbert how long will you be answering questions?-bluemonkeyfearer
I'm not sure, hopefully for awhile longer! JCP got tired of answering them, claiming she had other things to do on the website, so I took over. I say you write JCP and tell her what a great job I'm doing so she keeps me around forever!

will I be rich?
Sure. Don't forget to share the riches with me.

Nov 29/04
Answered by: Herbert

whay is a zoanthrope? - superman
A what? You're making up words again aren't you? That's fun, I'd like to make up some too! Snonagellas! Zorrak! Hrettyen! Liiwona!

why did i type 'whay' instead of 'what' in my last question? - superman
Well maybe you were just getting so excited about making up a word like zoanthrope that you started adding extra letters to other words? I don't know, it was just a silly guess.

is american football just rugby for little puny men who are scared of a contact sport? and who probably eat quiche? and who wear their mums knickers? - superman
Rugby is much more scary than the football I see on the TV. Then again, I don't see American football, it would be Canadian football, which is probably the same thing. It's almost as good as hockey, the rugby that is; I don't really like football. Quiche? What is with all these Q questions? Oh wait, that was a Z up there. Nevermind. Knickers? You know, I'd like some knickers. Then I could say things like 'Ohhhh loooook! I've shit me knickers!' or 'Wanna go play in my knickers?'.

Why does it seem that when I can't find any good food in my house, theres ALWAYS a cupboard full of dishes, but when theres actually food, and theres no clean dishes? -Hufflebunny
Someone is obviously putting all your food on dishes and feeding it to the dishwasher. After a feeding, there will be clean plates but no food. When it's hungry, all the plates are filled with food.

what's ur game?
Well first I hide something of mine that I know I'll need within the next week. I get horribly drunk, and hide it. Then, when I go to use whatever it is that I've hidden, I end up having to search around for hours. It's great fun! I play another one called 'Hide little Herbert' but that's more of an in-person sort of game.

should i buy cowboy boots? samsamsam
As part of a cosutme? Sure! If not, then you must be a stripper, as only strippers wear cowboy hats in public. Well, cowboys too but how many of them really exist still? Oh, well I guess you could live somewhere where there are lots, and wait a minute, who's to say there aren't cowgirls? How rude of me to assume.

son of a sock factory where is my sweet honey sweater i gave you to lick?thathinguywhois
Lick? Oh. I guess I didn't hear that part. Where can I buy you another?

can dogs understand english?
Some of them can. If they were raised in a home where the dominant language was something else, then they would know that.

What is the oddest item that you have used for a purpose, other then it was designed for? -Hufflebunny
<Scratches head trying to think of the oddest, as there have been so many.> I don't know. There was that time with the coffee cup, but I don't know if that was odd or just sick. That thing with the highlighter? Nah, not odd enough, just odd and bizarre. Hmmmm...I need more time to think. Sorry, Hufflebunny.

Will you touch my tail? -Herberta
Oh yes, and just so you know, you don't have to ask. Just bring it here and I'll touch it all you want.

are you a transexual cuz i'm sure you uised to be a girl ?
You must be confused. Perhaps it was because I wore that dress for you that one time. You wanted to believe I was one, and you did. Just because you were drunk doesn't mean that I don't remember.

I just ate a can of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni. It was somewhat delicious, but not as much as I had hoped. You see, on the can's label it was written that this particular can of Beefaroni, and presumably all Beefaroni to come, contained "tastier sauce." I noticed absolutely no difference between this sauce and the supposed untastier Beefaroni sauce of the past. Anyways... I'm thinking I should have gone with Kraft Dinner. What do you think? Maybe I should beat the truth out of the Chef himself? Maybe can him, feed him to his family, claiming him to be "tastier"? Help, Herbert.. help me decide.
They're outright lying to you, but Kraft isn't any better either. I say you grind up everyone involved on both sides, and make your own Kraft ravoli treats. I'm sure that fat chef would be yummy!

Did you know, Herbert, that there exists a man made of biscuits who offered one morning to make me toast, but he was so afraid of the toaster that he screamed, and his flailing biscuit arms smashed my poor toaster to pieces? I hate that biscuit man. Will you help me eat him? I'll bring the jams and jellies.
Yay! I'll be one filled monkey tonight, and I'm not talking sexually. I'm not big on jellies, but I'll eat the biscuit man and jams. Yum!

How fresh do you think you would have to be for you to be classified "douchefresh"?
Um I have no idea. I've never actually smelt that stuff or anything. I guess that's a good thing. I wonder if they sell ass ones for men?

what is your favorite food other that bananas
Doritos chips. Damn I love those things even though they turn my paws colors. Yummmmmm

How do you keep your tail so limber and sexy?
I give it a good workout each and every day. Sometimes right when I wake up, sometimes on my lunch break, sometimes as I'm watching TV, and other times when I'm about to go to sleep. There are even days I work it multiple times a day. If it's getting sore from all the working out, I let it rest, or give it a nice warm shower. On Tuesdays I get it massaged, and no not a fancy massage, just a regular one.

do you enjoy making people cry?
Some people, well yes. I can't help it. It's the few times you can tell I'm related to DC, as when I feel like making someone cry, I go all out and make them miserable. They sob, thrash around and just generally have an awful time of it while I laugh.

Are you insane ?
There are certian days where I can confidently say yes to that. Today isn't one of them. Sorry, but I feel more fluffy than insane today. Maybe it's because I'm tired, maybe it's because I woke up early today and did some working out, I don't know.

Why did you answer these questions so quickly? Love Herbert
Well, I wanted to suck up to JCP and she won't let me near her to do it any other way.

Dec 4/04
Answered by: Herbert

How come American Immigration Laws don't apply to Snowmen?
Oh my, I don't know. Perhaps they dislike water based creatures. Then again, you humans are made from mostly water, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

You answered your last batch of questions so fast that I didn't get the chance to ask any. Did you have an extra bounce in your step that day or what? McDiablo
Well I was trying to kiss JCPs ass but then it all sort of backfired when I didn't answer again for five days. Sigh. I'm so sorry everyone, especially you JCP. Hugs?

At the time this was written, it's still November--so why have there been X-mas movies on T.V. already? McDiablo
The TV is trying to torture us all! Protest! Protest! Don't give in! Although I like those fancy bows that go on presents. They're so much fun. So crinkly, so shiny. Mmmmmm shiny.

I have an instructor who swears at random times. Everytime he swears, the class giggles. What is it that makes his random profanity so funny? McDiablo
He's tricking you into listening to him! Don't you see?! He's got you all listening to every word he says now!

Do you ever wish you could give someone a tapeworm?
No not really. It'd be nice if someone gave me one in a jar though. I could call it Kirk and we could go do fun things like ride the bus and maybe even go ice skating if I equip his jar with some sort of skate somehow. We'd have some good times.

Why is it called a grapenut when it's neither a grape nor a nut?
It sounded much better than calling them GnomeNuts.

If Peter Piper screwed a pack of woodchucks, how many woodchucks did Peter Piper screw?
Tee hee, you said screw!

Can i post a story here?
No, this is just for questions.

Buy my children!??!?!?!
No way! I don't want them running around and pulling my tail.

Ever confuse the butter with the soap?
Oh yes, that's why I lick it first and then I know which is which. They taste completely different, so the taste test works well.

If I payed you five bucks, would you kick me in the grill?
Oh yes, that'd be a lot of fun! When would you like to do this?

Is there anything more refreshing than a cold groin and a hot fist?
Sometimes yes, but most times, hell no! Are you offering? I think you are, and I must say that I accept.

Tell me something to eat. I'm oh so hungry, but oh so undecisive at the moment.
Pizza! Isn't that always the answer to hunger?

Do you think any deep truths can be pulled out of your dreams? ..I mean, do you think that you can actually learn things about yourself from what you dream, or is it all just random bullshit your brain vomits up every time you sleep?
Oh sure sometimes wonderfully enlightening things can come out in dreams, but most times it's just a random mishmash of crap. I like those dreams where I wake up stuck to my sheets. Mmmmmm stuck to sheets.

Ok one time i went horribly angry for an hour breaking everything in sight. I totally went Pink Floyd and built a wall or something. I can't remember to much of what caused it but i was stuck in my head. I used to draw drawings of freaky thngs and they were all in my little world. I spoke to Satan and to Lucipher. I san songs with strange people climbed a ladder to heaven and was attacked byv demons and torchured. I'm never ever going back there. Don't ever buil a wall like i did. It was freaky. It all seemed so real until they rearranged my till i was sane. They made me talk to my best friend. He freed me. I was told in my world that i was dead. I actually thought i was too. They said i was in purgatory. That's why i climbed the ladder but then they said i didn';t deserve to go there. They torchured my by sewing my eye lids open. The demons seemed so real. They looked like real people but with horns. The doctors drugged me and i felt like i could fly until it went away...but anyways i was wonderin if i can somehow e-mail u my story i wrote about my experience in my wall and u can post it with the other stories for me. Can u?
Well sorry but no. All the spots are filled for contributors at the moment, so you'll just have to save it till a spot opens up! I'm sure it's a lovely story. I have some stories too. Once time I did something strange and then things went horribly wrong for awhile, but then it got better and now it doesn't burn so much anymore. Also, I like the color red.

Should i grow an afro?
Sure! They're fun! You can put things in it like um, well your wallet.

will i be caught if i fuck hanne tomorrow?
Oh yes, but that's because you're dumb!

Ever set your alarm clock and woken up two minutes before it goes off, gone back to sleep only to be woken up two minutes later? - Mort
I don't have an alarm clock, I have no reason to. I just go where I want, when I want.

Would you have been upset if I didn't put a question mark at the end of this question? - Mort
Not really. I would be sorta sad to not see one though, as they're fun and squiggly. Then, you get the fun of giving it a dot. It's wonderful!

At life drawing [art class thing] today, this old naked guy had a peirced penis and a tattoo of two butterflies on his arse. Will you sign my chest? - Mort
Why on earth did he have two butterflies on his ass? That's weird. And sure, I'll sign whatever you want. Wait a minute, you're drawing old man penis? Do you draw old women as well? Would you like to draw me naked?

I'd love to discover a new colour never before seen by any human, or sock monkey. I would probably call it Herbert because you make my life complete. If you found a new colour, what would you call it? - Mort
Oh Mort, I'm blushing! You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'd call the new color Slababurt. I wouldn't want to name it Mort, as there can be only one.

Do you consider your self at all insane, and has anyone ever given you reason to think diffrently or doubt your own personal opinion? ::Si
I admit that sometimes I can be insane, and if others think I am, well they're probably just hallucinations. That happens sometimes. It's like when you're on a talk show and suddenly the audience and host disappears only to be replaced with a barking dog.

Will you buy me a christmas present?-bluemonkeyfearer
I'll do better than that, I'll make you one!

If you were sentenced to death, but you were given the choice as to how you wanted to die, what would you choose? Chased by topless women off a cliff? Lethal amount of elephant sex? Do tell.
Elephant sex. How could I say no to that? Their trunks are very funny. I wonder what I'd do with a trunk like that. Ok, I know what I'd do, but I don't want to think about it right now, I have questions to answer.

What are donkey socks? No, really, my real question is: Do you think that Jesus existed? Lotza luv Rebel_Christian
Donkey socks? No idea, socks for donkeys? Sure, I knew him, he worked at the corner store. He used to sell me naughty magazines. Thank you jesus!

Have you ever stuck your tail in people's mouths while they're sleeping?
Oh yes. I know I shouldn't but sometimes I just can't help it.

does a girl giving herself an orgasam lead to pregnancy with no man involved
Not at all, so give yourself as many as you want.

I was grounded for losing my temper and throwing my french binder at the wall. For a whole week. Did you miss me? -Hufflebunny
Sorry to hear you were grounded, of course I missed you! I even patted the toy dogs head while you were away so he wouldn't be sad.

My French teacher went away until Christmas and we're not sure why. Did she run off to hide with DC? or was she just sick of our class? -Hufflebunny
Could be with DC! Did she make up some strange story and never return?

Why are the questionnaire answers always "Stupid Answers" according to the grey Buttons but the What ifs are not stupid?
I'm not sure, but I don't think most of the answers are stupid. That's mean of the button to assume. Most of us here are wonderfully bright and gifted individuals.

My great aunt just turned 90, and she lives alone and shes the cutest little old lady ever. As a teen, do you think its strange that I call her, just to make her happy? -Hufflebunny
If she's not a nasty old thing, then it makes you a very nice person and I want to rub your head and give you hugs for being so nice!

Why can't you win the "Bug Monkeys" anymore? I thought they were cute. Did Mzebonga want them all for himself? -Hufflebunny
The bug monkeys don't like to split up, they've gone off to live in a tree or something silly. I might convince JCP to keep their pictures online though, as they are indeed very cute and fun to look at. Mzebonga isn't allowed near us sock monkeys, he does things that sound fun but aren't. He's a very strange boy, into very strange things.

Why is it December 3rd, and here in PEI, We have NO SNOW? -Hufflebunny
Just be happy! You can still play in the dirt!

What's up with the sudden surge of inspiration on the part of Insane Domain contributers? It seems like there are hordes of articles, lists, and stories that have been written and put on the site. McDiablo
Isn't it wonderful! I think it's great, as it gives me something to read. I say we all deserve pats on the back and heads and maybe even our bottoms. Mmmmmm bottoms.

What song gets stuck in your head rather easily? McDiablo
Row row row your boat. It's just so catchy and fun and others can join in!

What should I buy Emerald for X-mas...or should I say, "Screw materialism" and give her a hug instead? McDiablo
Give her a big hug, and then give her some bows off of presents! She'll love them just like I do! *Hint hint

Who the fuck are you and why do I care??????????
Oh you, you know you care!

Why am I bleeding thre ? -me ( no chickennuggets)
That's what happens when you jam your finger in places. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Lucapeme isn't a word. How does one make a word. If I were to desover something, then would i be able to name it, likem aybe some secret continent that everyone ignored ? Could i name it Chicken ? Just flat out, Chicken. Well, maybe not flattened out chicken. But indeed chicken.-me
If you really want to call it chicken, then go ahead. Can I come visit? For free?

JCP has confused me. Are you filled with stuffing or fluff? -Hufflebunny
She's confused me as well, but I like it when she does that. I'm filled with both maybe, is it the same thing? All I know is that I've answered my questions, so she doesn't have to be mean. She can pet my tail though. You can too. You can take turns.

How come the big fat face on the main page has no bottom teeth? -Hufflebunny
Hmmm I don't know! That's scary now that you mention it!

Dec 7/04
Answered by: Herbert

hello herbert, i was just curious why you like haveing sex with stuffed animals that arent of your species. I would also like to know how u screw a pair of heels. . .personally i am not into black heels but if thats the way you swing. yours truely, ashley,cortney,and john
Oh yes I love shoes. I'd have sex with more sock monkeys but the rest sort of don't like me pawing at them all the time. Maybe soon I can convince one to let me touch them again. It seemed they were only willing when DC was involved. That sucks.

Herbert. This is your doctor calling. I'm afraid that lump in your breast we were talking about during your last appointment is nothing more than a simple malignant tumor. Nothing to be too alarmed about. I was curious to know if you'd like to have an STD named after you?
That's great news, and yes I would! It can be called Herbies.

herbert is scuba diving of interest sock monkeys would old shoes from ancient ships interest you? sorry like two questions and stuff,, Thathinguywhois
I don't have a desire to go scuba diving, but those suits sure look like fun! Sure I'd love shoes from ancient ships, who wouldn't?

who is india's prime minister
I'd assume it's a human of some sort, but I don't know who exactly.

Hi, why is the sky red?
You have red colored glasses on, or you just see red everywhere you go. Sounds like a fun time either way, and maybe you can hang out with JCP, as she has red glasses as well.

If the little red eyed night minions asked you to join their mischievius night walkings... what would you do? please reply by the next time the moon is black in the night sky thanx- Wolfman
Oh I'd join in! Nothing is more fun then going out and doing stuff with red eyed night minions! I'd even make a scarf to celebrate. Ok, I don't know how to make a scarf, but nights are cold and I'd need one. I'd probably just buy one, and you know, I'd buy some for you and the night minions too.

I have noticed that girls that play RPG's are highly exalted in Dorkland. Can I apply to have a geek-slave, due to my extreme awesomeness and roleplay master-dom? Eva Psychotic
Sure why not? Where is Dorkland? Can I go there? Will people play with me there? I'll be your slave.

do you have a peeeeeeeenis? or a blagiiiiiiiina?-chaos_zero
I don't have either of those words you said. In fact, I don't think they're words at all.

I love cheese, i could eat cheese all day every day... what would happen if the cheese, ALL THE CHEESE! bonded together to form a super giant mega cheese person? howl. -Wolfman
I'd cry. If cheese became a person then we couldn't eat it (unless it was a female cheese person) and then what would we put on our pizzas?!?!

I was discussing band names with my band today. My kerazy bass player is adamant in calling us either Steve French, The Darryl Strawberry Cocaine Orchestra, or Ebonotron. As amusing as these names are, they're just too bloody silly for a death thrash metal group. Do you have any suggestions?
I like Strawberry Cocaine Orchestra (Yea, I dropped Darryl.) or Ebonotron. Those names are just more interesting. Plus, strawberries are fun. They're also red. Here is a list of band names.

how to ask a woman to eat her pussy
Well you ask her very nicely. If you mean pussy as in cat, then you shouldn't be eating them.

What word do these letters spell:a,a,i,i,i,o,c,c,f,l,n,s,s,t?
Why oh why are you making me prove how dumb I am? I'm just a sock monkey? <sobs> You just want to seem all smart and worldly compared to me. Well good for you <sobs> I hope you're happy.

how much can you yield in wheight in indoor canibis
I have no idea. Why don't you ask Ricky and Julian?

For the last few months, I have been very confused at my trigenometry gobbledegook. Suddenly we are working with "cis" which is supposed to be a formula involving the addition or multiplication or something of sine theta and cosine theta, I don't know if I am spelling theta right, it's the greek letter that looks like an O with a line through it that symbolizes angle measurements. After being lost for many weeks, I suddenly understand "cis" and I can do it and get it right. I am not sure how this is possible. If you understood a single word that I just wrote, please tell me how it is that I can instantly comprehend my trigenometry. -bluemonkeyfearer
Um, you lost me at confused. Then I became confused. This all sounds very fancy and I'm quite impressed, but this question also made me feel stupid. I'm trying not to cry, but I'm not holding it back very well. Hold me and tell me that it's ok I'm dumb.

Why, because I have a full length black coat, do people assume that I am assuming the position of the sci-fi hero 'Neo'? It's a fucking coat for Satan's sake, I didn't buy it to be cool, I bought it because I was cold. Fucktards. Upon stating this, why do people then shut up and looked stunned even though it was blatently obvious in the first place? Is it becaue they are totally stupid? They're the illiterate, under-educated, inferior peasants of socioty too... wait... I think I just answered my own question. - Mort
Coats are for keeping warm? Who knew?! I thought people bought them so they could fill the pockets with garbage, then ditch the coat for being filled with garbage. I guess I was wrong. Your coat sounds very warm, is there room in it for me?

True or false: Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words.-bluemonkeyfearer
I have no idea and I'm too scared to look that word up. I think you made it up, well at least the hippo part. Unless of course the hippos made this word. That could happen. So I vote FALSE.

Out of nowhere, I remember asking if you knew what an olio was. Indeed, now I shall tell you that the dictionary says an olio is a "group or assortment". I do wish I had the largest olio of cheese on the planet, don't you? Isn't olio a fun word?-bluemonkeyfearer
Olio. Hmmm. It sounds made up but isn't. Then again, maybe you're lying to me so you can point and laugh! But yes, lots of cheese would be good. Mmmmmmm cheese. Mmmmmm olio's.

Will DC ever come back? Is he in trouble? Do you think DC is out there somewhere, being raped by rabid baboons? If he was, do you think you would go rescue him? Or is he just off snacking on painkillers and doing sock monkey porn photo shoots?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know if he'll ever come back. I do hope he's being raped by rabid baboons, as if he returned, I'd be pushed to the background again with nothing to do. Then I'd be sad.

You say you would name a tapeworm in a jar KIrk. I have a brother named Kirk. Did you know this when you made that statement?-bluemonkeyfearer
No I didn't, is your brother a tapeworm? Will he fit in a jar? Can I have him?

Are mattresses ever NOT on sale? -Hufflebunny
Oh probably not. You know, I've heard of a planet where these grow. They flop around and bother robots.

Know what bothers me ? Some times when we ask you guys question on the Insane Q&A, you guys will respond with a question that we are unable to answer, but somewehrein the back of your mind, you have a faint desire to answer it, but it' just be akward or just seem silly to either send the answer in another uestion or like write to you with the answer, cuz it' not really that important.... ok, maybe it's NOT important, and maybe I'm not asking a question, but this is a not-so-serious problem that's been going on for many years ! ***Question Time*** How many calories are in a 10pc McDonald's chicken nugget MEAL. ( diet soda). I will donate 10 bucks to this site if you answer correctly. ( Oh, and beleive me, I do have 10 dollars to waste). HOW ABOUT ANOTHER QUESTION!!?? What's in penut oil ?
Why are you unable to answer? Can't you write your answer along with a new question? I don't think I ask too many questions, do I? I'd suggest you NOT eat any McDonalds 'meal'. It's awful crap, and if you don't believe me, see that 'Super Size Me' movie. I say you spend your ten bucks on renting that, and then save yourself a lot of damage by never eating another McDonald crappy meal ever again. Peanut oil is in peanut oil.

What do you look like on the inside ? MInd if come over and seE ?
I have fluff, stuff and stuffing. At least that's what I saw the last time I got hurt and tore my outer layer of sock. I passed out right after, so I'm not so sure.

What do Japenese people sound like when thy try to speak mexican ? I know they sound funny as hell tying to speak english, but I wonder if they have the same complications speaking Mexican. I wonder if the Asians think WE sound funny when we try to speak their language with an American accent.
Oh I'm sure all you humans find ways to laugh at each other. I see it all the time, yet somehow when I point and laugh, they get angry and chase after me with torches.

Why is EverQuest so addicting ?
This game I haven't played. You should send it to me and then I will and I'll tell you all about it and maybe even find you and play with you! Mmmmmm playing with others.

Do you think I should go with the DK2s or the TRS Alphas ? SHould I try Xsjado frames or just stick with the Able Jaren Grob2 Pro frames ?-me
I say you go with the Jaren TRS Alpha DK3's.

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