Why does every girl i fuck come back for more?
well you're obviously doing something right then... please send all details to me so i can figure it out for you.  if you have pictures, please include them as well.

If i gave you a dollar would u fuck my spider monkey collection??? ( i have 200) and make sure u dont get them pregnant i dont want anymore
yes, and anything (especially sock monkeys) who don't practice safe sex is stupid and should kill themselves... but only after giving me all their money.

Why did my five ton pile of goat meat disappear?????????????????
???????????? ????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????(just a few more)???
i think my flying monkey ate it... sorry

Im having a dillema...what should I do?
i recommend selling the boat, renting out the cottage for a few months and cutting down on the prostitutes.

why? please tell me...why?
when the trees began burning that fateful day, the elves from the forest gathered and knew that something had to be done.  that is exactly why... and the only way.

if not...then...why not?
dropping large boulders out of windows onto people's heads isn't exactly the best career move

What ever happened 2 peter aundre
he ate some fuzzy stuff from my fridge, tripped out and took off ranting about fluff bunnies.

how can i get closer to the lord jesus the christ
kill yourself

Sock Monkey. I have discovered that a sock monkey is dealing in the world of porn. Is this you? Is it now apparent that I also deal in porn?
i can neither confirm nor deny my involvement in porns... but be sure to get my new video called "Spank The Monkey 5 - Soapy Sudsy Tails".  i'm sure you have enough member points to get it free...

I woke this morning and my underware spots of wet stuff on it. How do I know if it's semen?
lick it... then jerk off (or find someone else and jerk them off) and compare the taste.  be sure to interview family members for their opinion on the taste.  bind taste tests also work well.

when you retire... what will you do?
buy land up north (not enough north that it's always winter though), and breed flying monkeys.  

can people send you messages through this thing... cuz you don't have your email posted anywhere...
well, it has been done... but if people want to email me, then use the 'want to interview us' form and usually i will email you back.  we stopped posting our email addresses here because people would sign us up for stupid shit and then we'd have to keep changing our email addresses.

do purple emus fly high in the sky when the goats comes out to play?
only if the yellow penguins have flown over africa without incident.

have you been killed by kai yet?
not yet... but i'm hoping... and waiting...

you should have your own show so you can show the whole world all the insane shit that is out there... go on the road and find us insane shit that goes on.. do it now!
well that's a great idea... we do have a video camera here at the domain... too bad no one will pay us for the time and gas etc to do the show.  if you have this money, then please let us know and we'll start taping.

how did all you guys meet??? and do those cartoons really look similar to the real people?
jcp and dc met in high school... sanimal was found by jcp at work... and cyan was met online (schizoid too) 

In order to make a 2 door canoe into a 4 door canoe, how many more fish will you catch?
8 and a few rubber boots and condoms

are thou jew?
no... i am not any religion... 

i am a gay but now i have a problem my penis pumps out sperms when i am sleeping and is in a sexy mood what is my problem
yea... what IS your problem?  i mean, your dick is having a great old time and all you wanna do is spoil the fun.  your dick is just trying to enjoy it's life and you bitch about dirty sheets... you should sleep more and let your dick do what it wants.

hey this is LIMPBIZKIT and we all thought this site waz on the down so its kool but its all gayish by the way how are you gonna talk to a monkey hey when was the las time you showerd on the pit wes wants to know?
the site is on the down?  i thought it was doing well... and i have no idea what the hell showerd on the pit is... so you can just tell wes that when people speak coherently... then i will respond.  as for claiming to be limpbizkit... if that makes you happy then that's fine... but the only cook thing about limpbizkit is that they opened up for faith no more a long time ago.

Why am I shaking? I wont stop shaking.. HAHAHAHA!! LOOK!! there is a big spider on the wall.. Oh shit.. its coming towards me....
it might be all that caffeine you've been drinking... and the caffeine pills... and the chocolate covered coffee beans... and the expressos... and that spider is actually your eyelashes... try opening your eyes just a bit more and it will all be ok.

in a fight between pamela anderson lee and dolly parton, who would win?
well, first of all, they'd have to use sticks, as their boobs would prevent them from being able to reach each others faces.  i would have to say that dolly parton would win though, as she has some intelligence, whereas pamela is about as smart as her fake breasts.  all dolly would have to do is say "look!  an abusive ugly man!", pamela would look and dolly would take a baseball bat to pamelas boobs.  they would explode, and we could all watch pamela die and be glad that she can no longer breed, do interviews, or fuck ugly rock stars.  way to go dolly!

HEY! where you been all my life?
right here, hiding from you.  i have to go now.

do you believe that sisko is the emisary?
sometimes... other times i think it's just an elaborate ploy to make him seem more important then he is.

Question then comment: what's your favorite book? mine is either "hitchiker's guide to the galaxy" or Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse five"... ok so the first is just funny, the second is really good.
hitchhikers guide is indeed a funny book... it is among my favorites.  i don't really have one favorite book, although it would probably be something from Isaac Asmiov's foundation series.  The dark tower series by stephen king is also good... i have at least a hundred books and have read thousands... so it's hard to decide!

when I am bouncing my rabid mango is it the world moving up and down? - Sal
yes... the earth bounces regularly.

I saw a weird website the other day and I was wondering if you knew the answer to their main question "What's Swahili for 'I Love You'?"
six clicks, and four aficki's... click click click click click click aficki aficki aficki aficki... and a nipple twist is always nice after that too.

You, me, baby oil, candle lit dinner, rampant sex all night. Any questions?
what's for dinner?

How the fuck can you suck your own PENIS????
if i knew that... don't you think i'd be selling the instructions for a nice profit and ditching this sorry ass site?  uh... i mean... lovely site... it's great jcp... just great... no!  not my website privileges, i'll be good!  it's the best site ever!  whew....

would you die for me?
only on a tuesday

Did that senator really wank at that press conference?
uh... sure!  i have no idea what senator you're talking about, but since they're all stupid-ass puppets, i'll assume that anything stupid or moronic can and will be done by them all at some point or another.

So, money for sexual favours? How many figures are we talking? 3? 5? I'll give you 20 bucks.
hmmm... 20 is tempting... but i've been wanting to buy something bigger... if you give me 20000, then i'll send you a list of the sexual favors i would do to earn it... you can always send me your expectations list too... i might give it a glance or two for an extra thousand or so

what kind of lunatic r,u,?
the type that is classified as 'mostly harmless'

paper or plastic?
uh... paper.

if you could slap my ass with something, and you had to choose only one thing... would you choose a)a bat b)a large wooden paddle or c)your tail?
i would choose the wooden paddle.  the bat would do too much damage too quickly, robbing me of ass slapping fun.  the tail wouldn't inflict any damage at all.  the paddle allows me to repeatedly slap you with a considerable amount of force causing me extreme pleasure

are all systems operating within normal parameters or is crew morale deteteriating?
well, everyone is bored, but the lights all just went out so i'd have to say that things just got a bit more exciting

who took all those pictures in th webshots thing? those blured reality things rock
jcp & myself mostly... i think sanimal took a few too... and thanks!
here's the webshots thing link for you freaks who wanna see it

I love to eat poop?
i'm sure you do

what superior, a sock monkey, or a cat.  I think sock monkeys are superior in intelligence, but cats a superior in phsyical prowess. This makes the s.monkey, and the cat, even, and a perfect team, as well. therefore i have answered my own question, and wasted your time. On the other hand you can add to what i've said... or something.-Laser-Monkey, pondering the ages.
well a dead cat is not superior to a sock monkey... but the rest you did answer yourself... so give yourself a good question award

Does the insane domain have an irc chat room??? if not, you should.-Laser-Monkey
no we don't... never even thought of it!!! i admit i know very little about irc... perhaps i can learn more or something???  i'll look into it... or get JCP to !

Is Maboo really a stupid name? I mean after all its not as dumb as SAnimal i mean Sanimal hahaha cmon now thats stupid
i would hope that nobody would give a child Maboo as a first name... it's better as a last one as long as you don't get old, blind and crazy... oh wait... thats magoo.  anyways yes sanimal is a stupid name... that's why i prefer to use 'shithead' instead for him.

why do u think that u r able to answer ev'ry question? coz u r insane? waiting for your pathetic answer......sincerelly yours
i am able to answer every question because as long as i put SOMETHING, then i have answered.  a few of my cuzins are insane, but sadly, not a great amount.  many of them are just stupid 'i'll do whatever society tells me to do without any thought' people.  i hope this answer was pathetic enough for you. 

Why you go snowplough? Go parallel. No go snowplough.
i go snow plough because other people will get the hell out of my way.  if they don't, i'll just plough them over a cliff.

i've tried peeing in my plants to make them grow... why aren't they?
try drinking more water and less beer

does the sound of running water make you want to pee? -slapmonkey
sometimes it does... sometimes it just makes me laugh cuz it sounds like someone pissing

i thought u wer gonna sell stuff?
yes, we're actually working on putting together the store now... it'll be more like a garage sale then a real store online

when i first tried acid, my friend was under the stairs wondering where his chicken was... he sat in the dark yelling about this damn chicken for hours... have you seen his chicken... or have you eaten it?
i don't eat meat and that includes chicken and turkey... but i think i saw it at my parents.  my mother was chasing it around trying to put a hat on it.  if you'd like... i'll catch it for you and return it.

I made a web page and i wanna link to you is that OK?
NO... well i guess... you can get graphics to link to this site here

when I woke up yestrday i had a marshmellow up my ass. I went to shit it out and now it has expanded and become gooey. what shold i do?
you have no choice but to find a campfire, stick your ass in it and then get someone to eat it off once it's been cooked enough for their liking.  if you ask me to do it, i like my marshmallows slightly burnt.

While in the mall I noticed that a gigantic bird was following me around and it wasnt no big bird either... evry time I'd look around to see it, it woudl duck behind some shelves and hide. what should i do to confront it
trick it into a room with nothing in it... then slam & lock the door.   engage the bird in a discussion to determine why you are being followed and when the behavior will stop.  if the bird doesn't answer, or tries to peck your eyes out, you may have to 'break' it by climbing on it's back until it is tamed.  at that point, you've got yourself the coolest bike on the block and everyone will become envious of you.

i think that you give questions good q. awards based on your answer, not the question. ISNT THAT RIGHT!??-Laser-Monkey
well... i have to admit that yes, sometimes i give an award to a question because it provoked a good answer from me... 

do you secretly wish for a happy ending?
on days where the whole neighborhood sucks ass with noise and stupidity, yes... i dream of a house in the middle of acres of land... free of people and barking dogs... maybe some running water and a shot gun to shoot all visitors.

ifyou could tell everyone in the world anything... what would it be?
kill yourself

i know the feeling... it is the real thing... do you know the real thing?
it is the essence of the truth...

evrywhere i go there is shitty music... will i ever escape?
no... you see the Society To Drive Insane People Sane (STDIPS) have been able to convince stores to play the shittest music possible.  Sometimes it's real quiet to lull you into a false sense of security, but it's always there.  right now they are trying to turn your brain to mush by playing shitty destiny's child or some other whining/wailing women.  Resist the music... plug your ears... or sing some other song as loudly as you can until you drown out the shitty music.  If that isn't good enough, then hunt down these shitty artists and put them out of their misery.  Please obtain a full list from me before doing this to ensure that all the proper people are taken out.

if i give you five dollars will you be the entertainment for a kids party this sunday?
well... ok.  i'm keeping the balloon animals for myself though.  my other ones ran away, even the old blind ones.

how do you speed up the process of getting pot out of your system?
why would you want to do that??  but if you did, eat a lot, and drink a lot of water or something.  you could also just not have pot and instead send it to a certain favorite sock monkey of yours!

are you there?
sorry, dc isn't home right now... if you'd like to leave a message, that's nice.

you have visitors?
sometimes. they come and go. sometimes they play with the cat. sometimes they leave food. sometimes they just mess the place up and steal my underwear.

The government says that artificial intelligence doesn't exist yet. Are they hiding something from us? I swear, my computer has a mind of its own. Is it trying to kill me? What should I do? -DS
yes... in fact many of the people you see on tv are in fact robots.  a good example of this is the olsen twins.  they are both robots, and this is why they are so sickenly smiling all the time, don't have minds of their own and do whatever they're told.  as for your computer, the problem you probably have with it is that it doesn't do what you want, hides things on you, takes too long to respond and never seems to do EXACTLY what you've wanted... this is not due to artificial intelligence, but because you probably have microsoft software on it.  microsoft software doesn't try to kill you, just tries to brainwash you into buying more 'upgrades' and is a part of the agenda for the Society To Drive Inane People Sane.

The elves came yesterday, they repossessed my car, they repossed my furniture, all I have is a wooden removal chest. So I'm lonely and I'm hanging out on a street corner looking for somewhere to go. The rain's pouring down and every car that passes washes a huge wave of water in my face. I'm soaked, I'm pissed off and I'm about to cry. Okay, I am crying, now. I gave you all my time and money and you left me, you left me for that slut. I hope you die you fucking bastard, I hope you gay little sock monkey boots shrivel and you are forced to have you genitals removed after a very painful bout of genital warts. DIE ALREADY!! You little shitter. Can I sleep in your garage?
yes you can... but leave my shriveled up boots and sore genitals out of this... unless of course you want to make them feel better... i swear the other sock monkeys meant nothing to me... it was just a one-time drunken orgy

Let's presume i have massive amounts of every mind altering substance in the known universe. Taking this presumption into account, what do you want (be specific) and how much of that would you like?
i would like tons of non-chemically treated pot, and 50 sacks of non-chemically treated mushrooms.  the rest you can destroy... unless it's organic and won't kill me if i have a bit of it.... or if you sell it to all the stupid people and give me half the profits.

I'm disappointed. Laser Monkey and all those people get recognition on your "members" page and I've been coming here for months, I've been asking questions anonymously and I get no recognition. If I were arogant enough to put my name by each question I asked, I think you would find in excess of 50 and I have had a couple of good question awards and a million and one Stinky Monkey Butts. I don't think this is fair. I want my contribution awarded. I say people, stand up against this fascist regime and fight back against this lack of respect for those of us who contribute much more. Are you with me people? (For the sake of being noticed) - Mzebonga
it pays to be arrogant is the moral of the story.  since you seem to be so upset, i have added your name there.  if i don't see any further questions from you though... you will be removed from existence and your life given over to one of the other sperms that just weren't quick enough.

is this real? or is this just a figament of my inmagnation? prehaps its a figament og ur imagination! is it the carrot? argh! i'm being sucked into the monitor! heeeeeeelp! <pop> <tinny voice> groovy. <pop> woohoo! i win! wotd i get?
YOU are a figment of MY imagination... but then again... i am just a sock monkey with a computer... so perhaps we are all figments of some sick individuals imagination.... and... hey! hey!! get out of my computer!!! i don't want you reading that email... HEY!  stop eating my icons!  leave my screensaver alone!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yes or no? love or hate? truth or lies?
no, love, lies... and why won't anyone pay me to do whatever i want?  i'll even tape it and you can make some shitty-ass show out of it like everyone else. if you find temptation island.... BLOW IT UP

how do I find out who killed a man who is contacting me
ask the woman who saw the whole thing or the dog that bit the man that told that man to contact you.

Is it ok if i ask more than one question? have i asked that in the past? does satan have a sock monkey? does a sock monkey have satan?are you my mom? where is my mom? are ALL those women my mom? is this annoying? how about now? why do i think you live in texas? should i stop? how about now? what is the fastest simplist way to kill all the pop stars? will all sock monkeys be ruled by a giant stocking monkey one day? who many questions have i asked?
Yes, no.. satan IS a sock monkey... sock monkeys don't believe in satan, being a mom is not on my list of things to do, your mom has fled the country, all women are not your mom and want you to leave them alone.  You should live in texas to visit empriss nikon and spy on her for her parents...  kill all pop stars by poisoning coke and pepsi... or force them to listen to their own music for 5 years straight.  a giant sock monkey is a good idea to rule them all... you have asked a few questions... but notice... not even one got an award today....

Hey sexy, hows your cat.........Can I have your icq number and I'll give you mine..........Love Sally
my cat is sleeping by the sliding door on her stool... she is quite content.  my icq number is 11163093 and yes, you people can contact me through it but don't send me urls

Hey my young monkey.......I love you...........do love me???
only when you stroke my tail real nice or buy me things.

I just realised you put me in your cool viewers catagory thanx guys your the best , hows your dad?
my dad is alive... and we know we're the best... by the way... you owe us more bribe money for putting your name up there.

I walked down the moonlight path to my house. i could see the light from my window through a break in the trees. i had a suspicion that something was wrong when i saw the headlights of an oncoming car through the outline of the house. i thought "shit, my parents are home". i try to sneak in through the back but my mother is already waiting by the door. They didnt yell at me, they didnt even seem mad. In fact, they told me that those headlights were the new car they'd bought me for my birthday. they said that despite the fact that i was failing out of school and already gotten 3 STD's in the last 4 months that they hadent forgotten about my birthday present. excitedly i ran out to the driveway and there it was. i'd never felt such terror in my life. i felt weak and almost passed out. there it was. the light shimmering off the fake wood paneling. my parents had bought me an '89 STATION WAGON!!!!!! what's the most excruciating pain you've ever been put through?
well i've had to go to a number of weddings... that's torture.  Besides that i'd have to say that living in this white trash kid infested shithole is the most torture i've had to go through... coupled with the fact that i now work part-time at home on the computer and can't escape the never ending white-trash daycare screaming.  can i come live in your wagon?

i recently looked at your pictures DC, a bit of a sockmonkey orgy going on there?Can I join?
yes you may... bring some whipped cream

Do you get prostitutes around???
all the hookers in my city are stupid disease bags... i avoid them

Soooooo you and JCP met at high school. Were you guys lovers, boyfriend and girlfriend,friends,enemies or enemies that became lovers after you both discovered that being enemies was useless because you couldnt fight the attraction anymore???Love Sally
yes we did... not lovers or anything but we have seen each other naked... in fact you all have cuz i never wear anything but my boots... and i only wear them in the winter.  jcp is married so my attraction for her and her husband has had to be reduced to stalking them and dreaming of being their love-child-monkey

What does it take to tick sanimal off?Love Sally
anything that requires logic since he can't grasp that sort of thing...

you need a forum
good question... but yes.. we're actually working on putting together a message board/forum for you freaks

I also looked at anastacias pictures, shes a beautiful, beautiful cat. Is she well behaved?(I'm gathering she is yours DC)
i told her what you said and she was quite pleased... she is the perfect cat and bitchy as hell... yes she is my cat and when she rules the world she will spare you from the kitty-litter mines.

What advice do you have for me on sex???
don't use sharp objects, if you're not making SURE that no kids are the result of your sex, then enjoy it as often as you can, and of course... if you need any hands-on training... i'll be happy to help you out for a small fee.

What do you think of lesbians??
i think that if they are going to use my washroom, they should at least change the toilet paper roll when it runs out.

What do you think of hairdressers?
if any of them EVER hit my ears with a fucking comb again... i'll kill them.  are they trained to cause pain?

<tinny voice> i'm still in ur monitor u know
well i'm using a different computer right now so i'll just sell the other monitor along with you in it.... i'm hoping to get a few bucks for it!

i was walking along the street 2day. will u have sex with my sock monkey? i will send lots of cash.
well ok then... when i get the cash, then we'll arrange a meeting between me and your sock monkey

<tinny voice> i am Fido Dido, n i'm still here in ur monitor. while i'm here, is it ok if c JCP naked? i will send cash when/if i get out.
well maybe i won't sell the monitor... and i doubt you can see jcp naked.... but if you have enough cash.. then we can convince her...

I am willing to give myself to the cat campaign. I think I can get the ducks to help. Will I be spared? (I was a cat in a past life) - Mzebonga
Well, you won't be put to work in the kittylitter mines... you may be sent instead to harvest the catnip fields.  The cats only want ducks to eat... so if you can catch them then that'd be great.

just curious, will i be spared from kitty litter mines?? Im special. -Laser-Monkey
perhaps... you'll have to demonstrate loyalty to the cats and you may be put to work with mzebonga or assigned to water bowl duties.

Ahhh I'm guessing you don't like hairdressers then? I'm a hairdresser too but I'm pretty good, I've seen a lot a bad things, cutting ears, making mistakes on haircuts........not good love Sally
i don't like ones that hurt my head/ears... other then that... it's a job and if you like it then great and you should give me some of your money.

I have to call into question the decision by cats to eat ducks, although, I know it may see me sent to the darkest and dankest Kitty litter mines. Ducks on the whole are very muscular and not particularly good to eat, they are however an airforce, a navy and a reserve infantry in one. Whereas cats are the masters of all land terrains, I think the ducks would make useful allies. I think pigeons would make much more sensible meals - their fatter and less toned meaning they are much more tender. I am already trembling with fear for my insubordination, but my wish is only to serve the cause. - Mzebonga.
well... the cats will take these points into consideration... and you may have to spend some weeks in the kitty litter mines but it's not too bad for that period of time.

<tinny voice> rite, if i send $1million now, and give u another $1million when i c jcp naked, can i have sex with her? i will send more cash. - Fido Dido. ps i like ur desktop. i am still in ur monitor.
sure... send that million on over.... uh... but no... no sex with jcp... unless you work out some sort of deal with her.  i'm glad you like my desktop... it's a creepy figure and as you can see... all my icons are personalized.

yay though i walk through the valley of death and smell the stench of death and decay and i wear no gas mask. though the dead have no eyes and stares still penetrate my glazed expressionless eyes. are you still around to see me smile? is it possible for me smile after i've seen what's here?
i would still be around to watch you smile... but frankly i'm not interested in people smiling so i'd be off somewhere else looking for a secluded area to hide in with my cat.  if you can still smile after that... then the drugs your on are definitely worth the money you spent or the actions you performed to get them.

Since you take money for sexual favours would you call yourself a)hooker b)streetwalker c)prositute d)giggalo give me your own opinion of what you think you are. Love Sally
i would call myself a cheap monkey who wants money... and if people want to pay a sock monkey to have sex with it... i don't think that i'm the one with the issues....

<tinny voice> have u been to superbad.com? its a pretty cool site. u dont mind me using ur internet, do u? - Fido Dido
no i haven't... and maybe you should tell them how cool THIS site is... and if you're going to other sites then this... then damn straight i mind you using my internet... to teach you a lesson... i'm going to uninstall all non-microsoft software and leave you with office 2000.

how about i bribe you with those pictures of you i have here of you doing nasty stuff with gummy worms and your ass? oh... no wait... that's not bribing... that's blackmail... now how about YOU send ME money. SAnimal
i know you masturbate to those pictures wishing you were the worms... don't deny it.

dear dc, i am a pathetic sock monkey who has no life besides answering questions. In fact, my answers are usually stupid and make people vomit. Should I just kill myself and save the world from my stupidity? SAnimal
please do kill yourself... but everyone knows you're not cool enough to be a sock monkey.

if a paddle of wood slapped my ass twice, do you think that it would happen a third time if i said nothing the first two times?
i think that it would continue to happen until you spoke up or had your ass split open an then bleed to death.

i have a large red spot on my ass... what should i do?
pick it until it bleeds... everything will be ok then.

Is there really a lap dancing sock monkey to be found??
yes there is... and to be honest... there really IS a secret to the lap dancing story... and if you followed it through to the right ending ... you'll find out what it is.

<tinny voice> ok, the moneys on the way. i have yet to c JCP naked yet, though. i am still in ur monitor, and i'm a bit hungry. would it be possible 4 u 2 feed me once in a while? or even - dare i say it? - let me out? thanks muchly - Fido Dido, possibly #1 fan of this site, possibly #6
well... i only have some catfood, veggie hotdogs and some bread... so you are free to leave my monitor... but you have to come back to this site still or i'll hunt you down and force you into a 286.

I have further pondered the value of ducks to the cat cause and been forced to find another weakness in the plan. With the ducks, the cats (lords of all and supreme beings on this earth) would be able to conquer the air and, their most feared adversary, water but there is still one missing link. The greater enemy of the canine world can still dig. Were cats to resort to the methods of digging and hunting dogs out they would ruin their beautiful fur coats and yet, if nothing were done, dogs could build a worthy and strong restistance to the cats (as in done in many fictional sci-fi series - Cleopatra 2525, for instance). For this reason, I believe it may be necessary for our lords and rulers to ally themselves with a burrowing creature. Moles? Maybe but they are not viscious enough when facing an enemy. Worms? They are resilient and keep going when cut in half but I believe the best ally would be the Ants. Ants are the undeniable rulers of the deep, were the cats to form such an alliance, the ants could get in the dog's fur and make them itch so much they are forced out to the surface and into the kitty litter mines to pull mine carts. - humble servant to the cats, Mzebonga
the cats have taken your points into consideration, however, due to the war of 1988 with the ants, and alliance at this time with them is premature.  the cats have been discussing other means of burrowing etc, and they know that there are machines made to do this sort of thing and until they can replace all the humans with robots, humans will be used to operate the machinery.  dogs will be run over by this machinery, eliminating their threat.  all other details are classified.

Will the cats feed us potatos? I like potatos - fergus o'dimbal
put it on your skills assesment form that the cats will send to you under the "Other Notes" section.

<pop> groovy! i'm out! mind if i crash here 2nite? hey, i'll have this site as my home page. its cool. in fact its insane. can i eat the veggie hotdogs? thanks man - Fido Dido ps wheres sally?
you can stay for the night, just don't bother the cat.  there are a few veggie-dogs left so yes you can have some, just close the bun-bag when you're done.  i'm guessing that sally is at home right now

why the hell does my cat show his true self to me but not to any1 else, why does he not care for other people like he does me? and why does he purrrrrrrr excitedly when I stroke him!?
because he only loves you and likes you when you pet him... you're only there to serve him... be glad you have a happy master

so why are cows black and white?
they didn't like the way pink and white made their asses look

not that im complaining! but wouldnt it be easier to reproduce a-sexualy?
wouldn't it be easier not to reproduce at all?  after a few decades, pollution, war, hunger and everything would cease being problems as the population died off!   but yea... it would be a lot better, especially if you control if you were going to reproduce or not.

which came first the chicken or the egg?
the chicken of course... why else would you be needing an egg to throw?

Why did the giant rabbits take me to the desert???????
i can't tell you... they might come for me.  all i can say is that if you can kill yourself now, do it quickly!

DC, How do you have sex?As in your picture you do not have any sex organs of any type?
did you not see my fairly long tail?  i know you're in denial, but yes i am just that large.  you can touch it if you want.

hey give me all your money haha no who are all your fav bands besides faith and mr.bungle do they have a website
i like pop will eat itself, alice in chains, babylon zoo, lords of acid, and fantomas.... they all have websites somewhere out there!

why do boys like to stick their dicks up girls butts?
well some girls like it that way so they can have two boys in them at once.  sometimes it's just the guy who likes it and the girl is too stupid to say no to it even though she doesn't like it, and sometimes it's because the boy can't find any other boys to do it to.

Hey DC - Do you know when the cats - your cat is gonna take over the world? PS-Sanimal is a TOSSER hahahahaha Love your sweetpea Sally
if i told you when they were planning to do it, then i'd have to kill you.  a tosser?  that must be an australian word because i haven't heard it used before!

Why does Sanimal have to act like such a tosser?hahahahahahhaLove Sally
you'll have to explain what this word means to me!  i'm taking it that it means he's a pathetic loser who has no life, no friends and no brains.

Does it make you happy to spank people?If so can you spank me?
yes... spanking makes a lovely sound.  yes i can spank you... lemme see that ass.... paddle or no paddle?

TOSS: To masturbate with vigourous movement of the lower arm. TOSSER: Someone who exercises the above frequently. I hope this explains the confusion (I believe it is very much and British word) and seeing as SAnimal is male he would exercise his right to do so regularly. However, I guess he is very accomplished at it. Did you know the BeeGees orginally called themselves "The Tossers"? Not only a bad choice of name in terms of marketing but somehow fitting given the band members. However, I have long since pondered: Do the BeeGee's have genitals or were they removed at birth the achieve the falsetto voices?
ahhh i see... i think they were born without genitals... that's what i'm hoping at least.

Given the US's love of dogs, will the Yanks be ruthlessly murdered when the cats take over? Oh, please say they will, please. Er, hang on, given my service, can I keep on or two for my own... personal needs. That Portman girl springs to mind, amongst others - Mzebonga
yes, but not because they love dogs.... yes you may keep two for your own needs.

hey, thanks 4 letting me crash the night dc. i spoke with your cat, and have pledged alligence with the cats. i agree with Mzebonga, and think that ducks will be a worthy ally.... unless cats produce flying machines. these will surely be better than ducks. but the future cat lords know best. i hope that i wont have to spend many years in the cat litter mines. - Fido Dido
there is no question in there! that's it... a spanking for you...

When the cats have full control, will they use us in some ultimate meglomaniacal way like the machines in the Matrix or will they allow us our own strictly marshalled communities where we will be encouraged to pro-create and feed the "workforce" like in Planet of the Apes? - Mzebonga
some of you humans will be used like in the matrix... and pro-creating is NEVER encouraged.

I am worried about my cat it has just grown a fifth leg,is this normal?
you have a male cat and he's just happy.  try not to touch him there but instead get him a female kitty

why do you get muck under your nails even if you only go to the pub?
when you aren't looking pubfairys shove dirt in there... just to piss you off, and hopefully to spread disease.

I am a female sock monkey looking for love and I think you could be the one for me.I need a big tailed monkey to satisfy all my female needs!!!!
well come on over.... bring some food

Almighty DC, giant battle robots equipped with sock disintergrating lasers are on their way to eradicate sock monkeys everywhere! What will we do?
flee the planet! ahhhhhhhhh

DC, if you are made of sock material and therefore have no muscles, how do you move?
i have wire in my body so i can be posed in many different positions

You asked me a question so I'll answer it for you= a TOSSER is someone who masturbates alot- yeah its an australian term like you would call someone a dickhead or loser.I could imagine sanimal to toss alot because or the dribble that came out of his mouth for his questions. You should ban him from here. To the person who asked where I was I was away with the faries hehe. Better ask a question ummm Why do girls love to shop? I can't explain it myself. Love Sally
now not all girls like to shop... and those are the girls who i would hang out with... shopping should not be fun because it sucks to be around other people

How much do you know about street racing? Do suped-up cars interest you at all?
i know nothing about it but it sounds like people should find more productive things to do with their time.  cars don't interest me in any shape, way or form.  i have a jeep cherokee and that's good enough until i can get a hummer to run all children and idiots down with.

Crazy? I was crazy once, they locked me in a padded room, everyone knows you can't die in a padded room, that is when the worms came...worms drove me crazy.....Crazy? I was crazy once, they locked me in a padded....will the worms help me or just keep talking forever?
waiting for the worms to come... the worms to come... waiting waiting

Can you please do some more photos of Anastasia?Love Sally who is still off with the faires and now eats vegie burgers.
well, she is kinda fed up with the camera right now... but if i can i will... she charges a large sum and i'm not as rich as everyone else pretends to be

You told me you draw can you put some of your drawings on your site please?Love Sally whos back from fairy land.
well i've been playing with a few on the computer... perhaps i'll upload them at some point.... of course if you send me money i'll frame them and send them to you

Wheres Fido Dido? Sally Keeping looking Fido you'll find me.....
he's with waldo... looking for canes

"Where ever I am I'm always looking out a window wishing I was somewhere else" Why do I do that?Sally
probably because you live in a shitty place just like i do where all you want to do is kill everyone, move far far away and never have to worry about money or stupid shit again and all those damn kids outside just keep crying and crying and crying and crying and crying

Why do stupid people keep making stupid balloon animals?
well, stupid people keep asking them to make more... and the balloon animals never judge you... never mock you or call you names, or call you and hang up in the middle of the night.

Do you want a coffee? I know how you take it because I'm psycic-black with 2 sugars?
i always want coffee and i'm amazed that you can read and remember information!  so where is my damn coffee already?

Who invented cheerleaders and their stupid pom poms? They should be shot!
even stupider people who wanted to see dumb bitches jump up and down while being cheery.  damn peppy people make me PUKE

Who has a ferret anyway?
no one i know... but in a dream chris had, ed had one for some reason and maurice couldn't shoot him because he didn't want to hit the ferret.

Why do people blow in your ear when they know its annoying?
they want to see if you have a brain in there or if the air will just come out the other ear

I hate bums, they are the uglyest part of the body, what do you think?
feet are the ugliest part... bums are just function and hold no interest for me.  feet are all bony, vieny and sick

In your people that suck section there is one saying "people who smile all the time" , I have 2 girls at my work who do that , its so disgusting, whats worse (you should add this) they tell me i should smile and if you complain about something say its a quiet day at work they'll turn it into a positive and say oh it will be busy.Anything bad you say they'll find a way to make it positive, its sooooooooooo annoying.What do you think? Sally
you should punch them in the faces and then see what good they can find in that...

Don't people know it's annoying to say pull my finger then they fart? Thats so old.
these type of people should also be punched in the face... see if they fart when you do that

When am I going to be bumped up to the "good friends" catagory?Sally
when i know you in person - face-to-face!

Can I bitchslap you?
yea... i think it need it... i just can't come up with long responses to questions...

What do i have to do to get a fucking drink in this place?
lick the monkeys tail and then give us lots of cash... well.. maybe just two thousand a month.  that's not too much to ask... i'm sure someone out there has some extra cash to throw around

alright, in a fight between me and fuckface who would win? be honest. i mean i've got street smarts, a brain, and a broken bottle on my side. she's got... well yeah. that's about all she's got. with an answer to this question, my tirade will forever end... unless you give the wrong answer. but you won't do that now will you?
hmmm... i'm not sure who would win.  i'd definitely watch though.. in fact we could broadcast it live on this site.  i'm sure sally would challenge you back when she found out you call her fuckface.  let's see what happens now shall we people?  we'll be taking bets soon....

Is there anyway we can send you people to write in your people that suck list or things for your other lists? I know heaps of people who suck especially people who say "smile". Love Sally
hmmmm... well we have been considering opening it up to you people again... so perhaps if you bribe us

How the hell am I supposed to get to Canada to meet you face to face when I live in Australia?Would you actually want to meet me in person?Do you actually want me as a friend? mmmmmmm probably not?Love Sally
usually its safer for people not to meet me... less blood and paperwork for the authorities.

Well I have been a vegitarian for one whole day. I feel good now.Am I doing the right thing?
i think you're doing the right thing, but only if you're doing it for your own reasons. make sure you pay attention to what vitamins etc you're getting so you don't begin to lack.  if you run over cows with your car still, then you still have some decisions to make

Did you look at Perth cam ,where i live?If so do you like it?Love Sally
i've decided i hate it and all of what it stands for... i refuse to accept any of it and am quite outraged.  it's time for all of us to take a stand against Australia and their insistence on parading around the fact that they like bbqs.

Well you have to put your drawings on your site first I ain't sending any money. What do you like to draw? Love Sally
i doodle mostly... it sounds sad and in many ways it is.  its better then scratching my ass with a rusty fork, and seems to amuse the cat

Yay I got 2 question awards. I didn't put name on them, I told you sometimes I surprise you and don't put my name on them. Does that make me ignorant? Love Sally PS-I hate cheerleaders, pomp poms and ballon animals.
i'm so surprised i just pissed the couch... boy is that warm...  cheerleaders should be put to good work cleaning peoples houses... all that waving up and down should be put to good use.

Masturbating, wanking, tossing???Boys and their toys.hahah
my cat has toys too...

Am I a godess or what? Love Sally
you know, i was thinking about the bob newhart show and how much it sucks.  not only is it not funny, but that guy has the personality of cardboard.  that stupid wife of his should have lit his sleeping body on fire ages ago.

Why do things itch so bad after you shave them?
i'm not sure... but there are places that you only shave once before learning your lesson... sure it will make you look bigger, but it's not worth the price

When are you getting up? Why do you always sleep in? Love Sally
i get up all the time and who doesn't enjoy sleeping in!

sanimal backwards is laminas, which i take to mean laminated ass. Internet Explorer plasic covered anus. Will i get a poison coated vulture head because I made fun of sanimal?
laminated ass... thats a good one... but you won't get the award because you asked for it and asking for it makes you untrue and uncool

The "pick a color" part of the site LIES! My rock-with-a-face-painted-on-it left me!!!! You stupid ass! What color is your blood?
my blood is usually blue.. but when i go to take a good look at it, it comes out red.  the pick a color part doesn't lie, you just can't handle the truth... and did you ever think that maybe, just maybe you and that rock weren't meant to be?  it's ok.. there are plenty of rocks in the ocean.

Would you like to join the society for putting things on top of other things? Last year alone, our total number of successful thing-putting attempts was nearly 1!
well, i attempt to put my thing on others things many times throughout the year... but for some reason my things get hit by other things and then bad things happen... so just keep me out of it for now

I am so sorry for not asking you a question, DC. so, i will ask several now. where is fairy land? when do i get into the "Cool viewers that come back for more..." bit? is it still the carrot? can i crash here again? will we loyal sevants of the cats, mightyest and true rulers of the universe, be able to serve them after they take over the universe, or we become slaves also? i do hope my penace for daring to question the cats will be short. - Fido Dido now i know where sally is......
fairy land is in the mists above some moutians in china.  you can get into the list in a few weeks unless you bribe me.  the carrot is innocent, the celery did it.  you can crash if you bring chips.  some of you will become servants and some will become slaves.

What the fuck are you talking about!? The Balloon animals always mock me! Are these magic balloon animals, or are they made by smarter people?--Laser-Monkey
i was talking about bob newhart and his shitty show that i was forced to turn off.  magic balloon animals would be great as we could have them take us far away from this human-ridden planet and to 'balloona", home planet of the balloon animals.

why the hell are you staring at me?
how would you know if i was staring at you if you weren't staring at me?

something is definately wrong here. you think?
usually, but lately i'm been questioning that as just an idea that the white mice have put into my head

Ohmygod!! I'm having withdrawl symptoms. I'm on the vegitarian eating plan and I feel like I'm dying. I'm not used to eating vegitables. Why am I doing this again? Sally
don't ask me... you're the one who decided to do it... i'm just a sock monkey    oh yea... and make sure you remove the veggies or fruit from the branches they grow on... if you don't do that they're hard to eat and will make you feel like you're dying.

I can't believe I'm on your cool viewers list. When did you put me on there and when did I become cool? I wasn't aware that I was. Love Sally Ps was it like a group desiscion who goes on the list or does anyone decide?
you were on it since it's been there cuz you've been coming to the site for awhile.. unless you're a different sally lying to be cool... we wrestle on the ground to figure out who gets in

What was the last movie you went to see?
planet of the apes

I was going through every page of your questions and I noticed the question "are you gay" about ten times, maybe you should include this in your list of rules of things not to ask?
well i haven't had that one in awhile... and you get a good question award for spending the time reading all the past questions

I noticed alot of people ask you questions about sex. Do you hate that? Don't they realise your not Dr Ruth?
i don't mind... i mean everybody in the world thinks about it and although dr ruth is smart, her explaining these things to you is kinda like you're parents telling you how to enjoy sex... you just feel creepy and wrong.  plus sock monkeys are more fun

Do you live in the moment?
depends on the moment really

Whats with navels and stomachs? I think they are so sexy only when they are toned. Love Sally Especially Angelina's!!
i think that navels are just a divet in someones stomach.. and stomachs repulse me if they are large and unclothed.... other then that i don't care about them... i'm not a tummy kinda monkey

Mzebonga said we are arrogant if we put our names, whats wrong with that? Sally
he's just trying to get more popular then you are so when the dance comes around you won't be voted as homecoming monkey instead of him.

What do you think of Micheal Jackson preending to be white?
it's better then him pretending to be an elephant... can you imagine the excuses we'd hear for him having a trunk?  "well it's a rare nose disease that enables me to puck up tree trunks"

Do you miss ciggarettes after sex?
i didn't smoke after sex... i just roll over and go to sleep.

cancer & gemini: These two signs work best when they compliment each others personalities. I add spice to your life and you soothe my life. Love Sally - I like horoscopes do you?
i think that horoscopes are just general statements and that if you twist them in your own mind to mean something then you might at well just send me all your money now...

What happened to Seth and Robin ? They sucked.Were they going out? Sally They deserve each other hahahha
i'm not sure... perhaps they ran off together to the mountains to breed flying sock monkeys... it sure would explain all those sightings....

Am I embarrassing you?
only if you put your hand slightly to the left... oh yea... yea.... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

DC!!!! I am from England and there is a set of commertials on T.V that feature our very own sock monkey! He advertises "ITV Digital" and he has a human friend called Al.Do you have a human friend?and do you know our great famous sock monkey? P.S. Our English sock monkey's name is "MONKEY"!!!!! love from your english chums, whatto!, lardy dar and all that!
cool! that's my cousin Fredo!  i have a few human friends... but none as wonderful as cousin fredo... he just uses the stage name monkey.

so fuckface(sally) what's it gonna be? you gonna leave or am i gonna have to fuck you up?
now now ... anyone is allowed to ask questions until i say enough... sure, it'd be funny to see you two scrap over something silly like this... but let's face it... without the jello it's just not erotic enough.  there's enough sock monkey for everyone...

I wish to discuss arrogance. At no point did I suggest that arrogance was a bad thing, I simply suggested that it was unfair to reward solely the arrogant. In an ideal, non-fascist situation like the one that the masterful DC tries to create (not discrimination against sexual preference) it would be ultimately beneficial to reward those who contribute equally to the question but prefer to remain anonymous. As it is the popularity of being known to fellow Domainers and mentioned in their questions is a wonderful ego trip but on the whole I would never seek to assume greater popularity than Sally, Laser-Monkey, Fido Dido and certainly not the visionary DC. All I seek is to find a place to belong as an equal and while this place is not among the sane, I think I may be able to find it here. What do you say DC, can I keep coming back? Is this a place where men, sockmonkies, cats, ducks and ants can truly be equal or is it just another question and answer page? - Mzebonga, last among equals
yes you may come back at any time... and i promise to spend as much time thinking about replies to humans as i do towards all other creatures... but deep down inside... humans aren't my favorite.

damn, and i was so sure it was the carrot :p. i brung chips. they is oven chips. do you mean chips as in french fries, or chips as in crisps/potato slices? when you say "unless you bribe me..." in reference to me getting on the cool viewers bit, is that if i bribe you i wont get on? this is a cool site. all hail the cats, Masters of the Universe (used with permission (from the cats, lords of the universe)), will the war be come-as-you-are, bring-your-own-guns, the-cats-will-provide, or what? i can get tanks. i do hope my penance for questioning the tatics of the cats will not be much longer in the mines. - Fido Dido ps can i crash here again, i have money.
i mean chips as in you better bring both or i'll bitch slap you with my tail.  i say that i want to be bribed because basically i just want people to give me stuff for free... and if it's money i get for free then all the better.  the cats will supply you with the information you need... only when you need it though.  if you have money and are willing to give it to me, then you are always welcome

are you going to make a message board for your almighty site? i think it would be a good idea. i appreciate the time you invest, and will bring potato salad. the purple cows stand in the way of the cats conquest! - Fido Dido
yes, i have a programmer working on it right now and he's informed me that it should be available soon.  i've told him how i'd like it to look and work and the customization is almost done.  if you bring potato salad, i will hurt you, as i hate potato salad.  just bring the potatoes and leave those poor cows alone

Please help stop bread! More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative: 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread. 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread. 96.9% of all Communist sympathisers have eaten bread. 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident. 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month! Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person. Newborn babies can choke on bread. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. In light of these frightening statistics, I propose the following bread restrictions: No sale of bread to minors. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. No animal or human images, nor any primary colours (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools. Will you support me? Bread is very dangerous - Fido Dido ps i'm sorry 'bout the length.
i like bread and it likes me... if you stop us, we will stuff bread up your ass until you die.  this is almost article length... perhaps someday we'll let others besides qbryzan write articles and we'll add this... until then... just steer clear of bakeries and uh... yea you better be sorry about the length... now i'm tired

Why does Fido Dido keep wanting to know where I am? Hes creepy plus I'm right behind him.Boo. Sally
he likes your bum... unlike a certian someone who wants to kick your bum.  maybe fido can protect you

What is a gerbal? What is the right spelling?(Gerbal or jerbal)Where can I get one?
neither... it's gerbil... i think you can get one from someone's ass if they have a tube coming out of it, or a pet store.  they are little rodents that people confine to tiny cages and force them to run in a little circle thing for amusement. 

So who fought and won to put me on the cool viewers list? Who didn't want me there? Sally
well i put it there along with the rest of the names and no other member has deleted it.... 

I wrote the gay question too, why do I always get a good question award when I don't put my name?
because i secretly hate you and your hair... and it's your fault if you don't sign your name to the good questions!

How would you know???
how would you know if i didn't know because you know nothing

The goddess question was arrogant wasn't it?Sally
in many ways yes, but in a completely absurd way, kind of

Whats your favourite pasttime?
watching hockey... or trying to have sex with something... it depends on what season it is and how well the leafs are doing... so for all of you who watch hockey... you know which of the two has more of a chance of going all the way....

I get a lot of grief from women for going to sleep after sex. I think I've even managed during on one occasion. Is this bad? - fergus o'dimbal
yes, those are indeed bad women.. .unless of course you fall asleep before you roll off of them.

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star? One without a permanent scar? And did you miss me when you were out looking for yourself out there? - Mzebonga
no, i came from my ship... i don't think i have any permenant scars as even my eyebrow ring growing out scar has disappeared after a year... i haven't come back for looking for myself so i'll let you know when i came back

your big toe is talking with you to discuss the possiblity of it getting some time off.  it's been there for you since you came to life and it just wants a week or two to relax without all those little toes looking on. is it really to much to ask?

Are you sure he was calling me fuckface?, I don't fuck anyone so it can't be me.hahahaha Only my b/f when I feel like it.hhahahaaha Sally
it's a her calling you that... and as we all know... girls can easily fuck each others face... in fact i'd like everyone who reads this to take a minute and think about it...

Plus I'm a hairdresser so I have scissors,COMBS and razors. I know how scared you are of the comb???hahahahaha Sally
just leave my ears the hell alone! i know all hairdressers are trained to draw blood from the ears, but damnit i've had enough and will fight you sadistic freaks to the bitter bloody end

You are such a wally aren't you? hahahaa
i'm a DC... and i've never been to wallyworld

You don't scare me that easily DC?
i don't? well i guess i didn't try enough... how is this? or this? or that? scared yet?

hey DC, as long as Fido Dido is crashing at your place, mind if i hang out there awhile? I don't have money, but I have things that look like money.. and i have glitter glue.-Laser-Monkey, Your favorite laser wielding monkey.
well ok but you better have some blue glitter glue and plenty of popsicle sticks... do you know how to build a wicked fort using saran wrap and toothpicks?

So once I was done with the coffee, I found these bags of white stuff at the bottom. My friend Steve said he'd buy them off of me for a fiver each - claimed they were chalk dust and he knew a guy who'd buy them - anyway I sell each of these bags - about 50 altogether, weighing a few kilos each - and the next thing I know, Stevie's left the country and only gone and bought himself a large plot of land in Brazil. He never even told me he'd won the lottery. The bastard. So the point I making, is that the value of chalk dust on the stock market must have shot up over night for him to have made that much. The man must be a financial genius. Do you know of any other products like chalk dust that I could invest in and make my millions - I need to move to Brazil - Stevo still owes me a tenner for a bet on a pool game. - Mzebonga
i have found that cute colored pills make money too... they might be vitamins, but i don't ask those kind of questions.  steve also owes me 20 bucks...

I'm leaving, as if ? You wish ? hahahahah
i do wish... but i wish about money, large fuzzy sock monkey asses and flying dragons.

Shes just jealous because I'm in the list? hahahhahahahahah
everyone is on my list of people to kill... it's just a matter of where you are on that list.  i also have a list of crazy thoughts that i (and a few others have had), and many other insane lists....

was that supposed to be a threat? scissors? bring it on fuckface, if that's the best you can do than i might as well claim victory now. what could a hairdresser possibly have that would intimidate me? hmm? that's what i thought.
there is no question in here for me?  i think that perhaps one should remove the old bloody pad from their panties and bring out a nicer newer one... 

How did you know she was calling me fuckface when she didn't even put name? Thanks that what you think of me hmmmm.
i am psychic sock monkey... and she told me it was you.  i think that a good ass-paddling should clear up the whole situation.... unless you two will agree to wrestle naked so i can show it online

How would I m know what your going to think is a good question? Its usually the ones you don't think are going to get it.
well that's why you need to submit more then one question... it increases your odds

Why do I always get picked on? I didn't do anything wrong. Who is this "person" who wants to fuck me over anyway. They didn't even put thier name.   Maybe I shouldn't come here anymore like the last time.Sally
don't blame an innocent sock monkey for the hatred... it's not me!  how about this... from now on... all such items towards sally will be deleted... besides... this is all about me answering your insane questions, not participating in cat fights...

Am I as pure as an angel?
i'm voting for no.  if i could grind you up into powder i could check for sure...

Lets play hide and seek?
ok... you hide first...

I was cleaning out my room the other day in preparation for returning to University when I made a horrific discovery. As I was packing up my AIWA NSX999X hi-fi with 100W speakersand metallic grey finish, I stumble upon a rare breed of monkey. Polystyrene Monkies. Thousands of them. Upon opening the box, the horrid little mites beganing shreiking in high pitched bonechilling ways which set my teeth on edge. They began marching all over me and restrained me like the Liliputians restrained Gulliver. Once I was tied the began screaming in turn into my ears. The ringing is still with me three days later. They left me in my attic and marched out. It took two days for me to break my bonds but I fear for the human race. These monkies were believed extinct, wiped out in a war with the equally deadly Blackboard Monkies, and I've just unleashed a whole colony on the world. Prepare yourselves for the coming invasion, free all cats from catteries and pet store, alert the ducks and call for the ants. Hell is coming and it's coming soon! Prepare for war. THE POLYSTYRENE MONKIES ARE ON THE MARCH!!!!!! Can anything stop them? Yes pray for rain. Pray for rain to wash them into pulp. If they come near you, urinate on them. Don't let them squeak lest you be cold heartedly murdered but don't get caught out while you're trying to piss on them because they will kill you while you have your pants around your ankles. And there's nothing worse than that is there? - Mzebonga
i think that perhaps you should put less story and more question into these entries of yours... not that i don't enjoy the insanity... but damnit everyone is forgetting this is about asking questions!!!!!!!   we'll be having a discussion forum soon so save it for that!  although... i am now living in fear of the polystyrene monkeys... take shelter! run for the hills!

ok..... mr banana split went to the supermarket yesterday and he asked me for a cheese bun and i said fuck you you asshole you're gonna die was i too mean to him?
i think that the asshole comment was a bit harsh, but damnit, i'm tired of him asking for cheese buns... next time peel the fucker and eat his innards.

Hi I'm canadian and I like to hump my bed. Now, normally, I'm informed that there should be another person of the opposite sex in the bed when I hump and ejaculate all my bodily fluids on to the wet mattresses... is this true? Or should I continue with my inane behavior of humping my bed? If you answer this well, I also have a problem with my dog and our neighbor's plants I need to talk to you about.
well... some may lead you to believe that you need another person, but quite frankly, anything that will absorb your bodily fluids is a great idea.  you may find that you go through a lot of bedding... so i suggest that you put down some towels to save you the hassle of having to always sleep on sticky bedding.  now if you can find someone who is willing to lay on your bed to take your bodily fluid away, make sure that this person is above the age of 16, aware of what is going on, and most importantly, make sure that no kids will be a result.  i look forward to your question about your dog and your neighbors plants.

Thank DC, i got blue glitter glue, and PURPLE! And glitter blood glue!!! yup.Fort? out of popsicle sticks? hehe, ill bring LIFE SIZE popsticle sticks. thanks again- Laser-Monkey, Monkey, with a laser...
i build forts in my living room all the time... my cat enjoys playing in them too

what's the going rate for a hooker these days?
depends on the quality... and certain fetishes will cost you more too.  i know a certain sock monkey that charges extra if you want to touch the tail.

i know you've heard this a lot, so bear with me, but i must spew it like a popping zit. music nowadays sucks. punk is now trendy and pussified. all my old favorites have broken up, are on hiatus, or now suck. i keep delving further into obscure music and genres to try to find a good band, but i've realized that to find a good obscure band, you need to wade through a lot of crappy ones. a LOT of crappy ones. i'm very disillusioned. is there any hope?
well, no.  there isn't really a whole lot of hope... your best bet is to find obscure bands who are still producing good quality punk... i'm not the best person to inform you on punk though... try schizoid

whens that massage board gonna b up? n what bout that message board? can i just live here 4 now? i will bring money. - Fido Dido, loyal servant of the cats (should the word "cats" be capitilised, seeing as cats are the rulers of the universe?)
it will be up very soon! i've been told sometime this week but you know how programmers are.  yes, i think that Cats should be capitalized... good suggestion... they'll be some extra catnip in your snacks.

Dc, I once made a sock-monkey out of old socks and i fucked up the tail, and now it looks lke the tail is growing out of his back. well needless to say, when is the best time for eating cheeses? id like to know mostly about pepperjack cheese. thanks buddy.
the best time to eat any cheese is during the full moon.  other then that, any other time of day (except for those moments spent in your shower) is a great time to eat cheese.  now eating the cheese is more important..  you must savor each bite, and delight in each cheesy moment of blissful taste.  feel the texture of it in your mouth, the aged flavor of it and most of all, the aftertaste of it on your tongue.

So I should ask a short, to the point question, not some blathering long tale? But exactly what is the point? I've exhausted all my one line questions, so I go on for hours. How can you do this to me? - Mzebonga
well even though your entries were interesting and all... lets face it... its too long for people with short attention spans... and most importantly... sock monkeys with short attention spans.  when the discussion forum is up... i'm sure that you'll be a valued poster... so quit your day job, give up sleeping and start typing up your ideas for when it's online.

hey DC, i have the same enitials as yourself. and i can't spell very well... think there's a connection?
there could be, but then of course i'm sure there is a connection between having your ass slapped with a raw fish and the mating habits of one-celled organisms.

my shit is nutty, why?
are you sure?  if i were i would have another taste... if it still tastes nutty, start calling all your family members to inform them that you may die in the next few days.

are monkeys the only primate in sock toy form?
so far... there have been sightings of sock crickets and sock snails... there have been rumors of sock children, but no evidence has been found yet to support those claims.

who is "faith no more" i've never heard of that band? i hear their your fav band, whats their sound like? My fav band is the Dead Kennedys, what do you think of the dead kennedys?
faith no more is... well it's a great band and go to www.fnm.com to find out more if you really want.  their sound changes from album to album, my favorite being angel dust which is a heavier album.  they are what corn, incubus, and all those other bands only dream of being.  dead kennedys.. who hasn't heard of them?  i think they rock

why is punk becoming mainstream now? what can I as a punk rawker sock munky do to stop this?
real punk isn't mainstream... and stupid rich kids who think they have life so tough and they walk around with their damn pants to their knees seem to think that their 'hardcore' music makes them cool... try to ignore their stupidity, their stupid bass-pumping cars and hang onto your punk cds until they all go away... then everything will be fine... just fine... just fine...

cam cheese whiz be used as a high powered adhesive?
yes, and a tasty substitute for toothpaste too.

The goverment tells me it's carbonation, but i think you know better, why are there bubbles in my soda, all knowing Dc?
they have enslaved an alien race, forcing them to blow bubbles into all of our beverages so that the government can sell us shitty boy bands and slutty pre-teens until we all choke on the smog that factories spew out at us.  just make your own soda and fart through a straw into it... it tastes much better then you'd think... at half the cost!

where's MY waterbuffallo? why dont I have a waterbuffallo? it's not fair! can i hav a sockmonkey instead?
no... you get a sock cricket... maybe when you're older and have learnt more you can upgrade to a sock monkey.  not just anyone can have a sock monkey you know... they're very selective.

What type of cancer is Lumpas?
i didn't know it was a type of cancer... here i thought it was a group of small humanoids that call themselves Umpa Lumpas.  they're the ones who do those fabulous little dances with the rhyming songs.

So i was thinking that i would sell all my things and abandon all my friends and family to go on a 12 year sabatical into the new russian republic. Do you think my friends would take me back if i brought them a bunch of those little dolls that open up to even smaller ones? you know what i'm talking about. everyone loves those.
those dolls are great... in fact forget all your loser friends and just send me those dolls.  i like to put things in them.  they hold my secrets.  my pretty little dolls hold ALL my little secrets

you know what i read that was total bullshit?
it could be... but MAD Magazine isn't exactly a source of real news.  that alfred guy should be president though

you really love the Dead Kennedys, i'm so glad, Dc...you are the almighty hero to us all  love, tater tot queen
why thank you... uh... but where's the question?

i eat my finger nails, is that sick?
yes it is actually... do you know how many germs are on your fingers?  that and i know you pick your butt... and then put garlic salt on it... i mean garlic salt is just sick to eat off your fingers.

What do i do...what do i do! Oh help me! what ever shall i do! My bike has broken, and theres a pie in the oven, baked with love'n..what do i do!
eat the pie after its cooled down a bit, then fix your damn bike or stop bitching about it.  when you're done, go to your bank, withdraw all your money and send it to me.

why are you sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines?
because i owe that guy coming in the front door 5 bucks... and i think they're his magazines...

Why do people freak out at the site of blood?Its like hello chill out its not that bad!
i'm not sure why... maybe they're afraid of red roses and blood reminds them of that color.  maybe they were hurt by a rose as a child and haven't yet worked out the trauma.  you should comfort them and try to work through their 'issues' by rubbing blood in their face telling them that everything will be just fine.

Why do people freak out at Dc when they realise hes not a sock monkey????
who has freaked out? and i AM a sock monkey... in fact... am i even male?  i'm not sure... what's going on? i think i'm freaking out... aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

what the fuck?
thats what i said... twice.

Okay, point taken. So, I was wondering: Is this burning an eternal flame? Or is it just a nasty case of heartburn? Not knowing whether or not the evils of Atomic Kitten have reached your shores: Is there a nasty fate awaiting them? - Mzebonga
it is indeed an eternal flame that is burning and it is caused by your poor eating habits.  i told you to stop eating those insanity peppers if you weren't going to eat bread with them.  there is a nasty fate awaiting all who come to this planet

glad to hear about the message board. i think u should bitch-slap the programmers to make them work faster. will we loyal servants of the Cats serve them even after the great war when they take over the universe? when can i get onto the cool viewers bit? - Fido Dido, "there are many intelligent species in the universe, and all of them are owned by cats"
well i think you've earned being added to the list... and the cats appreciate your loyalty and to reward you, you will be assigned the job of food preparation for them.  after a few years, you may progress to Food Bringer.

wot da fuck is the meaning of life?
42... doesn't anybody READ anymore?  well... 42 and maybe some naked bodies... or 42 naked bodies....

does Satan have acsess to the internet and if so does he visit porn sites.
if he exists then i'm sure satan would go online... but he would probably visit all the xian sites to have a good hard laugh at them.  why would he download porn when he could just go do it himself.

this is for shizoid- what do you think of gg allin?
Schizoid says.... GG Allin is cool because he would play naked and piss and shit into his hands, and then fling it at the audience - any band that does that is cool in my book. Plus, someone told me the band Anal Cunt got their name from a GG Allin song, though AC totally deny it."

i've got purple glitter! i've got green glitter! i've got a fucking aneurysm from listening to all this babble. how do i get from 4th to Main?
you take a left on 3rd... drive for 20 minutes... then turn around and come back

will jordyn and i ever get married?
well, after consulting with various people on the subject, it appears that you'll get married, but then have a bitter drawn-out divorce.  it will be all your fault and you'll get NOTHING.  on the good side, you'll win an award for your wonderful garden.

how hard is the postal service exam?
depends on if you can follow sidewalks, reach into bags, and of course, how well you can handle a gun

42, eh? then what's the question? that's only the answer...
well we're working on the question... those mice will let us know when they get their question

i read! 42 is the meaning of life! i'm in the cool viewers bit! i might be a Food Bringer! whoohoo! life is great! or at least mine is! or at least it is now! anyway, my question(s).... why do most americans hate forgieners? are american kids taught stereotypes in school? blur lyrics: "there must be more to life than stereotypes". Dr. Pepper is nice, do you like Dr. Pepper? hey, i still havnt seen JCP naked. i sent u lots of money. mayb you should do a porn section? - Fido Dido, all hail the Cats!
americans are rude and arrogant.  they are taught it from birth through tv and everything else they see.  dr pepper is not a favorite of mine.  if you did send in money and could convince a few of your friends to, then yes we would put a porn section on here.

carrot? i dare say it is. or do i? - Fido Dido
i can't believe you actually said that.  i'm stunned.

Why is it that 27 year old men date 15 year old girls? What can they possibly get from the relationship besides a prison sentence, a sexually naive partner and a hell of a lot of hassle from an immature girlfriend? - Mzebonga
you mean there is MORE?  i thought that WAS it... that and people are just stupid. since they are stupid, they want someone around who's stupider to make them feel smarter.  the only way they can do this is by getting stupid little teenyboppers who don't know enough yet.

why is the alphabet in that order? is it because of that song? - Fido Dido
yes it is because of that song.  it gained popularity in the 1800's and since children had it all memorized, they decided to build a cult of sorts around it... the whole alphabet thing is a plot to kill us all.

How can I KILL! barny the dinosaur without any one knowing that it was me?
the only reason anyone would care if it was you would be so that we could create a statue in your image and dedicate a holiday to you.

Is barny the dinosaur trying to take over the world
no, he is trying to get into children's pants

im a girl teach me how to masterbate
you have to buy me dinner first you demanding bitch

hey, i was looking through the past questions and on page seven u said: "Cats already have taken over the world, they just use us as puppets to do their bidding. Sure, they let us go around and do what we want most of the time, but when it's time to eat... you better believe we're gonna hear about it" i am devasted! how am i to show my loyalty to the Cats if i cannot fight in battle? have you been lying to us when you say that the Cats are going to take over, when they have already? or is this a test to show our loyalty? ah! thats what it is! its good to hear that the forum is gonna b up soon! - Fido Dido, dogs have owners, Cats have servants
if i told you the truth, it would ruin the whole thing.  so instead i'd like to share my feelings on carrots and mayonaise.  i personally don't care for the combination.  i also feel that if a carrot approached me in the forest with a knief, that it would try to injure me.  damn carrots.  oh, and monkey bone is a wicked movie.

are these really the rules: "No gibberish. No repeating the same question over and over. I will NOT answer any more questions about photosynthesis or the effect of light/color on plants. I require great amounts of money for sexual favors. If I think you're using someone else's name to ridicule them, I will alter or remove the name. No making this your personal messaging board. URLs to your stupid and sad sites will be removed from your message, along with email addresses. telling a short interesting story is ok... just make sure you ask a question along with it.
  I can be bribed to let you break any of these rules if you give me any or all of the following: great amounts of money, mr bungle / faith no more items, leaf tickets."? or is it the guidelines? - Fido Dido

damnit fido dido... don't make me beat you with your keyboard... you're just copying text i've already written to try to make your questions look interesting... that is why you get the stinky butt.  those are some of the rules... the rest are in my head and you won't hear about it

how can we destroy the alphbet? is this evil concoction going to try and destroy the Cats, true rulers of the cosmos? - Fido Dido, ps the carrot has risen and is going to kill 26 children, in Aberdeen, Scotland before trying to kill Bush
you can't destroy the alphabet, just destroy those who use it.  no.  and i told you about those damn carrots already.  and now i'll warn you about stool pigeons flying in the skies... 

Why isn't there a national nude day? In fact, why isnt everyday national nude day? Of course, for you every day is nude day because all you wear are thos little boots but what about the rest of us?
you can choose at any time to go naked... there are even colonies of people that do that... send me pictures and i'll tell you if you should go naked or not... 

k ߵh. h! g m g hŮé ص ? h LL @ ހ?F Сؙ1 - Fido Dido
you don't have a job to go to do you??  perhaps i should send you some string to amuse you for awhile... would you like red or green string?  another butt is awarded to you to go with the first one...

i have formed this list of things to watch out for: anal rape quicksand body lice evil spirits gridlock acid rain continental drift labor violence flash floods rabies torture bad luck calcium deficiency falling rocks cattle stampedes bank failure evil neighbors killer bees organ rejection lynching toxic waste unstable dynamite religious fanatics prickly heat price fixing moral decay hotel fires loss of face stink bombs bubonic plague neo-Nazis friction cereal weevils failure of will chain reactions soil erosion mail fraud dry rot voodoo curses broken glass snake bites parasites white slavery public ridicule faithless friends random violence breach of contract family scandals charlatans transverse militias structural defects race riots sun spots rogue elephants wax buildup killer frost jealous coworkers root canals mental fatigue corporal punishment sneak attacks peer pressure vigilantes birth defects false advertising ungrateful children financial ruin mildew loss of priveleges bad drugs ill-fitting shoes widespread chaos stray bullets runaway trains chemical spills locusts airline food shipwrecks prowlers bathtub accidents faulty merchandise terrorism discrimination wrongful cremation carbon deposits beef tapeworms taxation without representation escaped maniacs sunburn abandonment threatening letters entropy nine-mile fever poor workmanship absentee landlord solitary confinement depletion of the ozone layer unworthiness intestinal bleeding defrocked priests loss of equilibrium disgruntled employees global warming card sharks poisoned meat nuclear accidents broken promises contamination of the water supply obscene phone calls nuclear winter wayward girls mutual assured destruction rampaging moose the greenhouse effect cluster headaches social isolation Dutch elm disease contraction of the universe paper cuts eternal damnation the wrath of God americans nuclear war syphillis HIV AIDS are there any more that need adding?that one 'bout things to watch out 4 was from me. erm... i better ask a question..... carrot? or is it purple? or is it <insert random noun here>? - Fido Dido
thats the last long random message allowed through... i'm going to have to chop off your tail now and report you to the cats.  they have strict rules and you have broken them once too many... you will most likely be sentenced to life working in the shit fields, clearing away shit with your hands and sampling it for the cats amusement.

it seems to me that you are giving out good question awards at an alarming rate. if you look at the past you will note that there is not a qood question award on every page and those pages hold quite a few questions, where as now there is at least one every time you update the questions. are the questions getting better? are you just lowering your standards as to how good the questions have to be to reviece one? is it maybe that fuckface is offering sexual favors in return for the ugly green turtle head? any help on this matter would be greatly appreciated. thanx.
i think my standards have been lowered... sometimes i'm just happy to get a question i can actually give more then a few word answer to.  sometimes i'm just giddy with awards... and some are actually good questions... other times the cats force me to give them out to amuse them.  sexual favors?  well ok, but i demand dinner first.  then you can spank me baby... oh yea... just like that... oh yeeeeaaaaaaa

Why am I asking a sock puppet questions?
there is no arm up my ass! i am no puppet!  sure i may enjoy fisting every once in awhile but who doesn't?

What is the answer to all lifes problems?
alcohol, pot, time and food.

What am i saying right now?
you're saying 'gee i'd love to get a good question award but i just don't have the brain for it.  perhaps i should go next door and steal their brains, hook them all up together into my brain and start asking good questions"

If Jesus is dead then how come he is standing infrount of me?
your mr potato head is NOT jesus... at least thats what mine says...

How long is a peice of string?
about this long... no wait... this long... no that's not right... hmmm... this long maybe

Will a girl ever queff in my face?
maybe... start saving your money now

in the future will i run away from home and go to detroit to fullfill my life goal.
no... but only because you can not shove an elephant up your ass and survive... and there's not a lot of elephants in detroit

how do you empersonate a bag f chips?
stuff yourself with chips and just sit on a shelf until someone opens you

could you tell me how long should the hair for dreadlocks be
uh... i'd think at least 6 inches... but hell i haven't done it so i have no clue

whats the deal with ovalteen, the mug is round, the tin is round, why dont they call it roundteen?
if i were you, i'd write the company and DEMAND an answer

thanks for the statue in my image and i am looking forward to that holiday P.S. should i go ahead with my plan to kill that friggen purple dinosaur?
you only get the statue if you kill the dinosaur... otherwise, NO statue for you

At what point in the process of things do we know that we've fallen in love? Is it possible to fall in love twice? Isn't it more than likely that love is simply a state of europhoria we achieve when eating chocolate and drinking coffee or taking illegal substances? If it is, then does love really exist or is it just another petty addiction for human beings? What if love is simply the state of compromise - that we simply fall in love with someone for the sake of not being alone even though that person doesn't meet our vision of the perfect mate? Isn't it likely that if even a meagre percentage of the population had the integrity to say they'd not wish to compromise their expectations of the perfect mate then more people would die bitter and alone? Do you think it is likely that there is someone for everyone on this planet? Is there anyone for me? - Mzebonga. PS: What becomes of the broken hearted (who had love that's now departed)?
you know, with all this talk of love and stuff... let's just face it... sometimes you fall in love, or you THINK you're in love but then suddenly you're not anymore or the person you love is saying they don't love you and then it's tears and then the phone call of apology that leads to another few weeks of bliss then terror as the whole thing happens again and each time you feel less and less in love until you are just bitter drunk and alone thinking what a fuckup that person was and if there is anyone out there for you but who needs that sort of shit anyways when you've got friends and they're much better then the mind-fucking you get from dating

am i going crazy?
no, you're not crazy until you understand all those cartoons on tv

Why aren't children destroyed once they are delivered?
the parents should be destroyed to prevent the whole mess... in fact all you pesky humans should be destroyed

and more importantly ...........how did you become an amotron?
i wrote in to the company and they sent me a membership card to carry in my wallet

I don't think pot is the answer to anything. Potheads need there head red for using that shit or anything else.Neither is alcohol. Time can be. Food isn't either it will make you fat.Depending on what and how much you eat. The answer to everything is sleeping, time, angelina jolie, magazines, money and tv.For me anyway. Sally Plus hows your cat?
potheads are fine as long as they don't let it control their lives, it's all those OTHER drugs that suck ass.  TV is the PROBLEM to most things and sleeping just leads to dreaming dreaming and more dreaming.  my cat is sleeping.

Why aren't you funny? Isn't this website supposed to be funny?
i am funny, you just need to read things a bit s l o w e r  so you can understand it.  only bits of this site are meant to be funny... can you guess which ones?

So I got to thinking... What amount (as an approximate percentage) is sex a key factor in believing we're in love? Is it solely our unbelievable desire to procreate that causes us to enter into relationships? So, given the process of natural selection, we look for the best looking and "strongest" partner so we have attractive, strong and, hopefully, successful offspring. But not all of us get this, as much as I would love to procreate with Natalie Portman, I guess she has bigger fish to fry (so to speak). For this reason, we just find somebody, someone as close as we can possibly get. Because we're settling we end up miserable and it's the increase in "teen idols" that's leading to higher expectations and an increase in divorce rates. I think you're right, friends are better, they don't expect you to call the next day. Wouldn't it be great if you could have places like gyms where if you fancy a "workout" you could hire a room with another individual who wants to "workout" and "workout" together as both a fitness and social event? So if anyone wants to hire a room and workout, just say so. Are you willing to be my pimp, DC? - Mzebonga
sure, i'll pimp your sorry ass out... anyone wanna buy mzebonga for 5 bucks an hour?  i'll throw in the whipped cream for free...

Evening. I was wondering if you could remove all Emus and Pelicans from this world as I believe that they have no use whatsoever and I become quite irate when they appear on my Great British television. They all smell, every last one of them!!! (the animals, not the televisions) From the Shifty Coconana in the sky.
pelicans are indeed useful as they gather up fish in their cool pouches/beaks.  i will just prevent people from putting them on your tv.  in fact, send me your tv so i can rid it of all 'evils'.  as for emu's, ever since one started following me around and the emu government did nothing, well i fully support any program to stop those foul birds... if that's even what they are.

Do you wash? Shifty Coconana
yes, once a year if i need it or not

so who really did shoot JFK?
no one.  it was all just an elaborate plan to confuse the public and stop JFK from going to the moon to plant trees.

which do you prefer more? the term hooters, tiggo bitties, coconuts, ta ta's, breasts, titties, or squishy squishy flesh mounds.
hmmm... hooters sounds dumb, tiggo bitties i've never heard before, coconuts sometimes apply, breasts are when you're just talking about them instead of admiring, titties sounds too highschool, and that last one is just plain silly.  i use whatever words seem to apply at that moment... i guess i'd go with breasts.

Why do so many people have the last name Smith?
because lots of smiths are breeding... i know of two smith families.  that and i suppose the whole 'smith' legacy of bananas... everyone wants to be a smith.

How many bananas are in a banana bunch?
about 14.  sometimes they grow on trees.

If someone farts and makes everyone in the room have to evacuate how do you get the refreshing smell into a perfume bottle?
have them fart into a bottle next time.

If an apple is eaten how many grape fruit can be tossed into a banana bunch on tuesday?
4 on a really good day... 2 on a bad day. 12 if you're in alaska on a tuesday.

How can you tell the difference between a snort and a grunt if one tries to look like a smith?
the taste is slightly different... and the color won't last as long in the sun

Can you tell me what a good book to read in the bathroom is?
i've found that the Red Dwarf books are good while pinching off a few... as well as anything by Douglas Adams because he is so wonderfully insane.  Lately i've been reading about 'many worlds' theories in a Discover Magazine.

Why is there no square mile on land without a person with the name smith?
sure there is... i would think that somewhere... SOMEWHERE up the articic there is ONE square mile withone someone named smith... how about you pay me to go find out?

why did the wombat eat my pants?
well when you leave tasty pants like that out, what the hell did you expect... and uh... i ate them

If understanding all those cartoons on tv makes one crazy, what does understanding all the sitcoms do? Is it insane or just plain pathetic? -DS
if someone out there understands all the sitcoms, then i would like to personally kick their ass.  i've been watching some sitcoms and have found myself yelling at them so much for their stupidity that i have had to refrain from watching them at all

if jackalopes really are imaginary, who's been doing my laundry all these years
probably my mother... she seems to do everyone's laundry at some point or another... just tell her NO in a firm voice.  as for that whole jackalope thing... well that's classified.

if mice truly are the smartest creatures on earth then comes dolphins, then finally humans, and cats will someday rule the computer that will give us an explanation to 42... where do sock monkeys fit in?
sock monkeys are free roaming creatures who don't wish to be categorized with any of earth's creatures.  the cats are rulers of way more then the mice.  earth is just a small percentage of what's out there... the cats will take over when they can free up more resources.

If X=Arse and Y=Mongoose then who invented the whoopie cushion? I bet it was you, wasn't it? Shifty Coconana.
no... sadly enough it was invented instead by a Mr. Whoopie of the Fat Ass Corporation.  rumor has it that they used to be made from goat stomaches.

can i really buy mzebonga for $5... and if so would that require i feed and shelter it? cause im just looking for cheap slave labor
only 5 bucks... no shelter, just some food and water.... be sure to give it regular beatings, but not to the point of death or it will be added to your bill.

wheres a good place to find bongs
the friendly stranger is a place in toronto that sells them... and while you're there, pick up a copy of waydowntown the movie.

where can i go to find some good sock monkey porn.. none of this amatuer stuff.. but real sock monkey porn?
i would tell you, but then you'd probably be kidnapped by the sock monkey porn police, forced to reveal where it can be found, and then i wouldn't be able download all the sock monkey porn i want, and my part-time job as a porn extra will be cut.

why do people feel it is their obligation to give me their opinion, when it is obvious that i neither care about it or want to hear it?
that is a question i ask every day... so far the only answers i have received are "Whales." "Red Sweater" and "Shut Up"

Had any good offers for me recently? I've got to be worth more than five bucks. - Mzebonga
so far five bucks is it... now get back in your cage bitch until it's feedin time

Theres nothing wrong with emus,useless animals would be rabbits because they breed to much?
breeding is overrated.  in fact i think a stop to all this breeding should fix up a few problems with humanity.  all those who wish to breed are now required to send me the proper documents pleading their case.

Can boom boom time be fun again?Sally
yes... yes it can... can i film it?  usually that puts the spark right back in any relationship

fear less, hope more whine less, breathe more talk less, say more hate less, love more
that isn't a question, and quite frankly, without anything about fish and peanut butter, i can't take any of it seriously

Does life go on?
sometimes... other times you just get so out of it that you disappear into another reality.

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously?
true.  just like how if you give someone free will, that means you're giving them the right to choose wrong.

Is the entire sum of existence the magic of being needed by just one other person?
i would hope not

Why do I get bored easily? Sally
because of your caffeine addiction, the sugar you claim to be 'just friends' with, and of course, the absence of my tail for you to rub

Do you like breasts then?
some of them... others are just not meant for viewing.

Why is sex always on the minds of guys damn it?
i think that it's just the lonely 'i'm only online because i can't hit on people in real life' crowd that you're bumping into...

There was a question where someone asked is it okay to fall in love with yourself and you replied there is no one else who will know how to satisfy you as good as you do, the question is can you satisfy me as good I can?
no i can't, but the only way to prove that is to have sex with me and my sock monkey friends for a few days.

What happened to the doughboy?
i'm not sure... i didn't get any memos on it.  somebody send me a memo on it.

Can you do us all a big favour? Fuck SAnimal off so you own and run the site.We hate SAnimal.
yes, sanimal sucks, but sanimal doesn't own the site, JCP does.  since i am an accomidating sock monkey though, and since i like to bring joy to those who have none, i will attempt to kill him in order to please you all.

Hows your neighbours?
well it's been a bit quieter lately... i think they're away or something.  their stupid dog still barks... it's name is abby.  i hate abby.  abby should shut up.

What are your website privledges?
i get to browse almost any webpage i want!  i click and more pictures keep appearing with more words.  when i am bad, my mouse is taken away.

Can we have a party at your house? Sally
maybe next weekend... i'm busy

Why is Dr Pepper awful?
i think it has something to do with the migrating pattern of geese.

Whats wrong with dreaming? Sally
nothing is wrong with dreaming unless you're one of those people who remember all their dreams, and they have about 2 or 3 dreams every night and every day they wake up feeling like they haven't slept at all because of the stupid dreams

Actually, I shot JFK 2 years after the so called "assassination" while he was sleeping. Anyway, how have you been to that totem pole floating in a pool of jello in New York recently? I hear they put christmas lights on it.
no i haven't, but now that there are lights... you bet my fluffy ass i'll be going....

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