The great toilet paper debate.
By JCP
Is there a RIGHT and a WRONG way to put the toilet paper roll in its holder?
Never again will this problem plague the households of Earth.

The debate has raged ever since the invention of the toilet paper roll holder, a time when it was no longer considered "decent' to simply tuck it under your arm or set it on a shelf. A better solution was demanded by the people and they were answered. Thousands of years later we still use toilet paper roll holders, now available in plastic, metal and other various substances. Styles of holders range from simple to elaborate, from the plastic spring-loaded roll to the musical air-freshening roll.

Regardless of what paper is used, for some roll holders there is indeed a right and wrong way of using it. (The type of paper used is another debate, separate from the roll holder debate.) While some may argue that it ultimately doesn't matter for ANY roll holder, this article will hopefully correct this grave error in judgment.

Why does it matter?
What most people fail to realize is that if the paper is brushing against the back of the holder or the wall it's attached to, germs that almost never get wiped away (who else, other than OCD sufferers, really takes the time to wipe down the holder each time a new roll is put in?) now have a direct route to your ass by way of attaching to the paper. When you think you're wiping your ass (or other areas) clean, you're actually smearing them with more germs. These germs can cause the growth of strange black hairs, stinky bits that dirty your underwear and in some cases, a fatal strain of swollen ass disease which causes you to fart blood.

As well as for health reasons, properly hung paper will ensure ease of use and in some cases, reduce the amount of paper used per visit. Late night visits are also easier to endure when your half-awake brain goes to instruct your hands to grab paper, as the paper will flow easily towards the user and cause less stress.

Case #1

Inset/recessed roll holders are among the top designs that require a right way of hanging the paper.

Since they are in the wall, there is a greater chance that the paper could brush along both the holder and the wall.

Case #2

This style of holder holds the roll out enough for it not to matter, but to be sure, try it both ways with a full roll. If there isn't much clearance between the wall and paper, either buy smaller rolls or hang the roll correctly, towards the person instead of away.

Cases #3 & #4

The first, while a good idea, actually presses down on the paper roll and if not cleaned properly, will cause as many problems as it solves.

To ensure that the guard is effective, the second is a good example of protecting the roll while still leaving it untouched.

Case #5

The first may look fancy, but a good 1/4 of the roll is touching the wall while at rest, much less when you're pulling. Do not be fooled by shiny finishes and low prices, these are not the roll holders you're looking for.

The second is a similar but better design, as it actually lifts the paper away from the wall. Note that both demand a forward facing hang.

Cases #6 & #7

These are similar to #2 but show more variation. The first is a far cheaper holder but gives more clearance for the paper, allowing for hanging of the roll in either direction.

The second shows that while being far more expensive and fancy, it doesn't allow for a clearance for the paper, making roll hanging important.

Take the time to test.
Spending an extra 10 to 20 seconds to determine which way to hang the roll is worth it. Make sure that you can fit (at the very least) your baby finger between the roll and the wall/holder. If there isn't much room, make sure to hang the paper correctly. If there still isn't much room, get smaller rolls or purchase a better holder. Once you've got it figured out, you'll spend your life with a happy ass.

Fight the good battle for all humankind.
Getting some people to replace the roll on the holder at all is difficult, much less trying to convey the idea of there being a "right" way, so to get the stubborn jerk/bitch in your household to obey these rules, you may have to ration the paper they're allowed until they learn, or simply make them go outside in the garden if they can not be taught. Showing them this article may help convey to them how important this is, as well as provide them with a few real-world examples that they can draw upon. Be assured that you are not alone in your quest to rid the world of mis-hung toilet paper rolls. We can all do our part by ensuring that our homes are safe for all our asses. If all else fails, remember that it takes more time to bitch about it than to simply fix it yourself.

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