Horses are evil.
By JCP Jan 2003

When I was little, I saw horses on tv and thought, 'wow! they look interesting! I'd like a horse!'. What they don't show you on tv is the pure hatred horses have for humans. I can't really blame them, as humans have ridden around on them, jammed spurs into their sides and beaten them with whips... but I never did that to them so they should leave me alone. Even those small horses that look harmless still have a burning hatred for humans.

Campaign Of Death
The horses are smart, as in they make the deaths appear to be 'accidents'. Here is a list of some things they are doing ON PURPOSE!
  • they throw people from them (Christopher Reeves)
  • they bite people (my cousin got bit)
  • they stampede and trample people to death
  • they phone me late at night and neigh messages of death at me
  • they pretend they are walking away, but instead deliever a kick of death to the human standing foolishly behind them
  • they invade dreams (DC once dreamt of being bit on the hand!)
  • they pretend they are going to jump over something but instead stop, causing the human to be flung over them and onto the ground where they can then stomp on them
  • they send me letters with threatening hoof prints on them
Warning signs of an impending attack:
If you're hanging around horses (I don't know why you would), then here are the warning signs to look out for.
  • snorting
  • stamping of the foot
  • flicking of the tail
  • trotting
  • neighing
  • threatening letters or phone calls
How do we stop this?
Short term: If you think there is an impending attack (which there will be at some point) then I suggest hiding from the horses.
Long term: We clear out a huge section of a country and give it to the horses so they may roam in peace. There is no other way without more violence and killings, which would suck.

Anyone who doesn't agree with this is one or more of the following:
  • a horse
  • a horse dressed up like a human
  • in denial
  • under the influence of a horse or horses
  • wants to be a horse

 

Aug28/03
Sent in by a viewer who was forced by the horses to send this in and could leave no name/email:

u stupid asses, u no nothin about horses, for one, there are many reasons a horse can refuse a jump, one it might be to high and you are moving to fast, 2, it might be lame(if you knew anything, lame means where a horse is hurt in its legs.) i would hardly consider trotting off vicios either. equestrian is a sport that is very difficult and takes years of trianing, and it take a team between horse and rider. horses show effection just like other animals do, and if you are talking about horses, dogs could be just as bad, if not worse. and most of the time, its the riders fault. and dont go of saying shit about the rodeo, those horses are abused and only buck because they have rope tied around their abdomen and its iritating, theyre just trying to get it off. and equestrian is the best and most difficult sport out there, and it takes alot of skill and determination. so dont go off saying shit about horses if you dont know anything about them! take it from someone who knows.
Reply from JCP:
Have you heard of this thing people do called "HUMOR"? Seriously, you should check it out.
People who the horses like can come visit them in their country. Since you like them so much, but have no sense of humor, the horses don't want you to visit until you take some time to get one.
It's as fun as horses, and so you know, those horses who I've read this article to found it FUNNY.
Horses - they'd give you the finger if they didn't have hooves

 

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