- Where insanity runs rampant!
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: September 2004 Results

What if elves stole all your stuff and sold it, then spent the money on wine for themselves?

Damn you Legolas, you thieving drunken bastard!!!! I will hunt you down and cut off your pointy little ears and then I will sell them on eBay to see how you like it!!! Mu ha ha evil plots of doom!!!!!!!!!!!!! Behold the power of eBay.- bluemonkeyfearer

Hmm, that's a question I was asking myself just the other day. I live next to an elf and he always seemed like a trustworthy fellow, but I also suspect that he could very well steal my stuff to buy wine. Now that I see other people are asking the same question it has me worried. I think I will sell all of my stuff tomorrow morning so it won't be stolen and use the money to buy some expensive wine. I'll invite the elf over for something to eat as we will drink the wine during dinner. Once the bottle is emptied and we are both comfortably drunk I will beat him over the head with the bottle until he is dead. The next day I would start to buy my stuff back.- j0eg0d

Stupid elves! I hate them. I'd get a fake beard and dress up as an elf too and then I'd infiltrate their little elf-base and pretend to swig wine from a bottle. Instead I'd smash the bottle on the edge of a table and kill them all with it. Then I'd impale them all on a long stick and stand that up in my front yard as a warning to the rest of those little jerks. Then I'd take the rest of their wine and sell it. Then I'd find where they sold my stuff and rob the place. So in the end I have all my junk still, plus some extra cash and a bunch of elves on a stick. Awesome, I'm gonna go do that now.- FartMonkey

i would sell their soles and by me and my amigos many splended suprisses that i wouldnt even know what they were. wow that would be awesome!!- pinkmonkeybutttons

I have a digital picture of myself, and I look like an elf in that. I thought it was some kind of silly coincidense at first, but now you mention it, everything's making more and more sense. Another crazy thing is, I've recently been visited by elves... wait... bugger! ..That's why I woke up on the streets.- Mort

I would steal the wine and drink it all and then throw the empty bottles at the elves.- Kali

I would take the wine, Finish it before they did, and than like, i would ring their little bodies out so that every last drop of wine left in them was like, in the bottles of wine, than I would take all their clothes and houses and little wannabe smurf hats and put them up for sale on Ebay XD there goes your fun little elves... You dont get to go out and steal MY clothes anymore, you better think twice about trying THAT again.- General Sock Penguin

They best be spending that on something better than wine, fuckin' assholes. - freak ninja

If I'm currently seeing a gathering of alcoholic midgets with pointy ears and a severe case of kleptomania I don't think I'll be in any condition to worry about my stuff going missing.- Fish

I'd go to the north pole with a rifle and hold up Santa's workshop of course. First, i'd laugh at the fact that the elves were drunk, then I'd steal the wine, and return the unopened bottles. With the money, i'd send Santa to fat camp, and have the elves rebuild all my stuff. Once everything was rebuilt, i'd send the elves to china to work in a factory and manufacture kinder suprise toys for low wages.- Hufflebunny

So, they think they're smart do they. Just cuz I steal all their wine and spend it on stuff; doesn't give them the right to steal it back and spend it on wine. Anyway, the best thing would be to wait until they were drunk. Then I would set up an elf kebab stand / public elf toilet nearby. The kebab stand would be unusual because it would not accept money. The kebab stand would exchange bottles of wine for kebabs and bottles of wine. The elves would not be able to turn down such a great offer. The secret is that; I drink the elves wine, refill the bottles from the elf toilet, then give the elves the bottles of piss. This is really funny because I'm drunk and I cant stop laughing at how great they think the wine is. I thought I'd never stop laughing until I woke up next to a fat female elf. - Fredward

I'd find them and steal their wine. Hey, at least I could get drunk.- RachelSometimes

i would think that was completely genius, i would just sit back and laugh- trixie

set my smurf on them then get smurfette to scull fuck them - smurarillian

Cage them up until they lay enough golden eggs to make up for it.- libertarian

I'd seduce a drunken female elf, and make her my sex slave the next day.- Lucar

its ok as long as they go back to Santa all drunk. I wanna see that big fat face go red!!!- loise

A whole room full of hot drunken elves, who could be angry about that?- ArchbishopShaggy

I'd light their treehouse on fire and eat all their keebler cookies.- m k

I'd be fine with it as long as they let me know that they did it and not my neighbor. Honesty is tasty.- Encrusted Ernie

I'd hunt down each and every one of those little fuckers and take them apart. They'd be weak and uncoordinated since they're drunk. Then I'd go to Chinatown and trade their body parts for a gremlin.- Angry Dan

i'd brake chairs over there pointy ear'd blue heads..- MonKeYsPaNkEr2010

DAMMIT THEY SHOULD SHARE THE WINE!!!!!!!!!! kill them!!!!!- Jenna

i would run around sayin "ELVES STOLE MY PANTS!" and i would find the giant magic dingel - barry staff and hunt the elves for their cookies. I would then would then progress to level 5 where i gain the oricle of combination and combine the elf cookies with the giant magic dingel barry staff to construct the elven dingel barry cookie pants howl- Wolf Man

i'd rip their little heads off and shit into their throats.- crack o'the ass

I'd get those elves and shove them into every orifice (yes, every single orifice) in my body and osmosis would mean that I would get my fair share of the alcohol while those annoying little elves get a face-full of ass- Turtle

I'd take the only thing of any meaning in their lives, their shoes/ shoe making tools. -me

Id run, screaming.- Jag

Hmmm thats would be kewl if they spent it on captain morgan or some shit...but wine? come on..- PsYcHoJeFfLoVeR

Those would be some seriously drunk ass elves.......Well hopefully they would at least share some booze with me since they stole my stuff to get it..... you all know you cant kill an elf so might as well get drunk with them- harbingerofhell

I would send them hate mail. - Juniper

I'd find those crazy elves and take all their wine and dump it on their little elfin heads which might make them shrink more and then I would step on them and squish them to midgit elves which would be a cool trick!- HappyAnnie

One, I would personally slaughter all the elves involved. Two, I would get all my stuff back from the buyers, and slaughter them if neccessary Three, I would go back to the elves lair and get all the wine to celebrate- Fleoa

Iwouldnot giv it a shith. all i need is a good night love a sleep next to a pretty lady- munia

I'd find a new dealer.- weird

I would hunt them down one by one. Killing each and everyone of them with style. Not just any style that can be thought of. No no, the style that truely opens up the world to the underlings. A style that is only half as good as the first style. True torment that follows the ever sweet sound of silence.- CorruptedPuppet

How do you know about that?- j0eg0d

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