- Where insanity runs rampant!
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: May 2004 Results
What if we discovered that humans were in fact a virus?

Discovered? I thought we were already a sexually transmitted disease, and I guess that's like a virus. I'd love to eat a child again. No wait, then I'd be eating a virus, and that would probably suck as I think maybe viruses change you in certain ways. I often think if there are nuclear viruses. A nuclear winter would be cool. A virus wiping out another virus, How ironic. I hate life.- M. Mort

I would infect other non-humans who don't deserve to not be not human!!! Muahahahaha...- InstantOatmeal

Are you stuck in the matrix world again, and secretly watching the film without telling us? Well if we were virus then no wonder the world population is this high, we all got infected, and multiply ourselves.- minimalist

Have you been watching Agent Smith's speech to Morpheus in the first Matrix film again?- Mzebonga

look upon the deep fields of time. Little of any good ever comes across some pieces of this endless land, these pieces broken and battered by greed-lorn souls. In these pieces, these battlefields, dwells humanity, restless and vile, it's roots spreading like plauge, seeping through the untrodden earth. It is this plaugue that seeps so quickly, tainting the earth, the water, the winds, and the former beauty of the land it belched it's bloody remains upon, it's scorched plain of time. Look at this and tell me we are not a virus, tell me we are not a bastardly disease, poisoning all that our choking, gluttonous souls come across.- Morshada

To quote a reliable source (a transexual transylvanian) : You are, so quake with fear you tiny things. (A mental mind-fuck can be nice.) We take and take and take, and leave nothing but the things we can't use. I would take out the social gathering places, so we don't spread. - eva psychotic

I'm not human so I'd have to agree with you.. humans are a virus and are not useful at all other than for their blood..- SG*

oh wow. that would be so intersting. would you look for a way to cure this virus?- keraZie

Actually...I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but I am bad at keeping secrets so I will tell you anyway. One night, I was going to the bodega on the corner to get something for my friends, when I noticed that the freaky Korean guy who usually works behind the counter was not there. Now this was no ordinary "freaky Korean guy", this man was so weird that he would do stuff like shave off his eyebrows and draw them back on with blue eyeliner. And sometime he would talk to his jewelery in weird crackling noises that didn't sound Korean at all. And so I looked for this freaky Korean man, butnd all I saw and heard were these weird clicking noises, so I looked behind the counter. Instead of being a floor behind the counter, there was a long lean staircase leading to an underground room, so I went down and saw the most unbelievable thing my poor innocent eyes have ever seen in my life. It was some sort of alien science lab, and when I went in a saw something that looked like a freaky Korean guy costume hanging on a coathanger. Sitting at a massive computer was a bizarre creature with a huge pale hairy stomach, no genitals, seventeen toes on all twelve of its slimy feet, and about four hundred different eyeballs in assorted sizes and colors placed randomly over his body. He had three large, rather toadlike mouths that emitted a foul stench of used tampons mixed with that fishy water that just sits in the streets of chinatown under the baking sun. When he spoke, both mouths moved at once, and he said, "HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!" in his Korean accent. Taken aback, I said, "Well, I was looking to buy some ice cream and other delicious refreshments from the freaky Korean guy, but now I see that he isn't a freaky Korean guy, but some sort of freaky Alien dude that's come to annihilate the planet. The question is, what are YOU doing here?!" The alien sighed, and used all of his tentacle like arms to rub his sore eyes. "So," he said. "I see you have discovered my secret. But since you have already come this far, I might as well tell you everything." He moved over to the computer and turned it on, causing it to show a map of the world from outer space. "Look here," he said. "It looks like your planet. But this is what it really is," he clicked on the picture to make it back up farther and farther until the planet was about the size of a dime. Suddenly I gasped, for I could see that the surrounding atmosphere were not stars and other galaxies, it was the decaying corpse of some monstrously large alien-like creature. "So now you see," said the freaky Korean-Alien guy, "That humans are actually a virus that feed on the stomach lining of the Jakovasours. I have been shrunk down to your size and ingested by an infected Jakovosoar so I could study and perhaps find a way to eliminate you. My research is not done yet. Now go, and...if you speak a word of this to anyone at all, I will see to it personally that you will be tortured with cold wet pieces of salmon and then killed." I stood there in shock, and finally said, "But you have to tell this to...the general public!" The alien shook his head. "NO!" he cried. "Some of my fellow researchers have concluded that if we were to tell the humans, mass hysteria would break loose, and all shall be destroyed, even the Jakovosoars and the planet Jakov! You must not tell a single living soul, DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOU FOOLISH LITTLE HUMAN CHILD! NOW GO!" So I turned and ran as fast as I could, and just took some ice cream and soda on the way out. And so, now I know that if humans were in fact a virus, mass hysteria would break loose, and all shall be destroyed, even the Jakovosoars and the planet Jakov. So you CAN'T TELL ANYONE!- Ka Ka Chawinga

If we discovered that then we would have a major issue on our hands. Should we kill ourselves? NO, because if we did that then everything that is dependent and has adapted to us would die as well. Then the earth would just be coem dirt and nothing more. Ya... Kills us like we deserve to live anyways with the distruction we cause. ~Jeepster

They are - they're an STD. You didn't think of that when you came up with this What If, did you?- Mzebonga

id kill us all.- sammy

Time for a vaccination.- Virnomine

Have you been talking to Agent Smith again? I'm telling you, he's bad news. But, he has some nice sunglasses.- McDiablo

i "thought" this was supposed to be a "what if" (implying that we're not?)- Sven the Masseur

we are, on the earth partition that is- cheese

Nothing would change, we are a virus and there is no vaccine.- jesterozzy

...But we are! A Virus on this planet. So, I hope that nobody discovers the vaccines..or we would all be dead! Deleted! Finished! But who would ever do such a thinG!!! I mean, they would be signing off the whole's like mass murder! *Wow...*cough cough* where's that 6th grade home lab kit again?*- ChunkyFlamingoTesticles

Would be too late; In fact we are a virus, but the patent of the discovery is owned by Warner Bros. entertainment, so, once re-discovered, you would have to pay them rights and stuff.- Franky_TooCoolo

Then wede be fucked- Dave

Hasn't anybody moderately intelligent known that already? Humans ARE viruses, except normal viruses are smarter. If they do their job right they won't mess up their environment so bad that they eventually die from it. Soon we're gonna destroy the planet and kill ourselves off because we're collectively stupid. - FartMonkey

I would run jubilantly into the streets screaming, "I found my cause, I found my cause" over and over again. Then I'd go to the local taco bell and order a dog. Finally I'd find a river where I could wash my clothes because taco bell is messy. And then I'd steer into the driveway with not a care in the world because 7070 is the way to go.- JWOOSTYLE

ill be scared - Starburst

wouldn't suprise me...afterall the human race is a virus on it's self, so it seems fairly logical that we would be a virus to some other species.- RealmO-K

I had already stumbled upon that discovery years ago, ya'll didn't know that?- freak ninja

we would then be a virus- steebs

i'd go around giving it to everyone and everything i can!- chicklett

KILL EM ALL!!!! wait im human, ok first inject me with bug DNA, THEN kill em ALLL!!!!!!- ristixxx

i never thought about it- sushi

That would be different . No it would be awesome biololgy class would be alot more fun . - kandy Melt

we would all be dead jackass- queenjen

we would all die- pitty witty

uh, WE ARE. haven't you seen that movie about that thing that said that we are a virus?- spanky

so who the hell gives a care- eddiot

So what about it ? - slavekandy

than humans must've killed off the good things a LONG time ago- Riku

if humans were a virus than i would rub myself all over that hamster that bit me, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (revenge is sweet)- monkey nuts are awsome

We're not?- spanky the fishmankurtus

Id laugh- doucherboo

gee... we mutate slowly and ineffectually, we must be the least successful virus since... well, ourselves.- eva destruction

a virus can be cured, so can 'humanity' nuke+me=good times- igor

then that would be really werid cuz like then we would think to our selfs what if our virusus didnet kno they were virusus it would be all like wired- ledzeppelinforever

could i still fuck! them? if so then it wouldent really matter.- Billhgates

WE would all die. HAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!- queenjen

I knew that already. Bring me a beer laced with cyanide.- Some Guy

I would seriously rethink public transportation - kandi melt

wait they havent figured that out yet?- spanky_da_biznatch

They are...all of them...they are the lickafeetagrossalickalittlebugatoyasarus virus. Its very deadly, very contagious and its very very bad. from everyone. Run from yourselves- monkeeskittles

I wouldn't be that shocked. Yes I saw The Matrix Trilogy!!- chained

are you so sure we're not?- Calaba

quick, get a serum and wipe them out!- spanky the wonderhorse

certainly explains certain people that i know- turquoiseraven

well, aren't we? if it was official though, then it would be a good thing - the idiots of the world would thankfully wipe themselves out for trying to find an antidote, and bogus pharmaceutical companies acrossthe globe would cash in on their stupidity by selling them industrial cleaning fluids etc. as form of medicine for their condition. the world would finally make sense! i say go for it- turreima

We Aren't i need to have a little talk with Agent Smith he gave me wrong information.- BadassArchangel

we would infect more then we allready have- nullboy

a chainsaw would be the antidote- Tom

Kill them all. That would solve a lot more problems then you think We're doomed anyway.- Krackhead.


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