Results for May 2009
Awards given out by JCP


What if bears invaded your home and demanded you cook them dinner each night?



Good Answer AwardThere'd be some ugly scrawny bears watching tv at my place.- jefe

first,i'd stare. next i'd cut fish. Then i eat with them. bears are kinda cool pets.- naked mole man

Good Answer AwardI'd say "Oh hell no, I'm not the one who broke your chair and ate your soup and shit, that's the blonde wench who lives next door, go eat her." - flying buckskin horses

Then I would drill holes in their dicks, so when they piss, they piss in all different directions.- God

I'd poison their dinners, duh. - oxie~tales

Well. Bears huh? I'd cook their one and only meal. put some drugs in their food to make them sleep. since their bears , they're dumb. So after that i'd cut their paws.(it's worth a whole lot in china) and extract their gallbladder juice. I'm gonna be rich soon.- red,blue,white

Good Answer AwardI'd make one too salty, one too sweet and the other just right, just to fuck with their heads.- Mzebonga

Good Answer AwardI wouldn't say 100% no, I would try to negotiate a deal with the bears. In return I would expect them to give me a bowl of porridge for breakfast, let me sit in one of their chairs in the evening and sleep in one of their beds. Each would have to be 'just right' or there would be no deal. Unless of course they were care-bares, now that would change the scenario.- Fredward

Considering the bears are my best friends and I happen to be a ferocious lion... It wouldnt be that hard of a situation to handle. See first I'd strip them of all their dignity and shave them until their bear hides were pink. After I'd sew their lips shut. (that way I wouldn't have to cook for them since they wouldn't be able to eat anyways.) then I would take my squirrel cakes and shove them into the blender. After becoming a fine soup I would cut a whole in their big bear tummies and force a tube fully of squirrel cakes into their system. After the whole ordeal I'd tend to their wounds and send them packing. They'll never show their mugs in this town again.- cash4stogie

I would only hope they like pork chops. They were on special last week.- PRChick

I'd get completely pissed off, get a bomb and threaten that if they didn't leave, I'd throw the bomb at them and make them bear soup each night, except they'd BE the soup. Bears suck.- flying buckskin horses!

As long as my Bears are having a winning season ill cook whatever they want.- iamzbob

i think i'll pretend to die.they leave then good.they eat me,then i guess no more questionnaire like this in heaven.(yes.i'm sure i'll get to heaven ,suckers!)- lollypop ,lick lick

I would and I'd cook them my signiture dish spag bog- Sally

Good Answer AwardI am a bear.- Bhreagh

Good Answer AwardI would be delighted to have someone to cook for! I'm always very obsessive compulsive when it comes to recipies so I always end up with a meal that serves 6-8. Though the fact that I only cook vegetarian food could be problematic. The bears may feel shunned... What a bad host I am. I shall hang my head in shame in preparation for their arrival. - nelsonsentme

I'd lie and say I'm a vegetarian. Then they'd probably eat me. Problem solved...?- McDiablo

For starters I'd probably have to start wearing clothes, and stop touching myself in the kitchen.- Archbishop Shaggy

Good Answer AwardOkay, side note time. I just watched The Happening today (which was wasn't as bad as I thought it would be considering I knew ahead of time that it was *spoiler* plants that were killing everyone *end spoiler*) and there was this part where a guy goes into the lion exhibit at the zoo and lets the lions maul him to death. It was kind of stupid too because he like stuck his arm out and tempted the lions and they slowly ripped him apart (or so I imagine, they didn't show it all) and I didn't find it entirely believable. I mean, if you want to kill yourself, why not throw yourself at the lions and really agitate them? Why slowly taunt them? I don't think they thought that one through. Oh wait, bears. Yeah I think I'd cook them dinner each night because I enjoy living and really would prefer not to get mauled. And really, I don't mind cooking. I hope they like ramen noodles and ham and eggs though. That's about the extent of my cooking skills.- narcoticsunshine


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