Results for June 2009
Awards given out by JCP


What if park benches began calling you up (and emailing you) telling you about all the people who sit on them
and the sorts of things these people talk about?


That would be good you'd hear some interesting stories I love the gossip- sally

ouu. I love the gossip. People always gossip on park benches. They'll officially be my best friends from now on. I'll be getting the dirt on almost everyone. Using blackmail , i'd be rich in no time. I want to own a sticker shop. my dream shall come true now.- prune me

Good Answer AwardBadass! I'd somehow exploit this information and sell it to the papers. Unfortunately, I'm sure the benches would want a cut of my earnings, and everywhere I went I'd be eyed maliciously by the benches, becuase they'd have formed a Bench Mafia of sorts. I'd end up sitting on one one day and it'd break before me and then the shards of wood would stab me to death. - mirror horses

fuck um- k

Calling me up AND emailing me? I would ask them to commit to email so I could file their responses and scan them for relevance to my affairs.- Smiley Jones

I'd get all the dirt on the people who sit on them, and hope that there was some sex involved.- Arthur, King of the Britons

Good Answer AwardI would find each of them, one by one, and set fire to them. The benches... and all the people who sit on them.- bluemonkeyfearer

Take a dump on one- Bugster

I would block its' number- poohole_gasleak

Good Answer AwardI would use this to my advantage. A business I would begin! "Curious what everyone gives a fuck about? Call 888-BENCHES Because they know EVERYTHING." The money would come pouring in... If only because people thought I needed serious mental help. ^.^-

I'd tell them to STFU, and threaten to sit on them after eating a pack of bean burritos. - air_wolf

I would think it was cool for a little bit but then I would cancel my sevice because I would get bored of hearing about all the bums, lazy joggers and fat old ladies who are the only people who use those gnarly things! - If I only had a navel....

delete all emails really who gives a shit- pinky7

Good Answer AwardThat would be kind of cool. People watching is one of my favorite sports. I would be very interested in what the park benches have to say. So interested, in fact, that I would neglect my relationships and my school and work performances would take a hit. And then one day my boss would catch me on the phone at work with a park bench and I would be fired. Then I'd be homeless and I would seek solace in the park sleeping on the benches and I would become one of the people that the park benches talk about. Of course the benches would no longer talk to me since being homeless means I have no phone or computer, so they would talk about me with other people. I thought we were friends, bench! We had a special relationship together! I thought I meant something to you!! I guess not. Next time I come to sleep on you, I'm rolling in dog poop.- narcoticsunshine

Just unplug the phone. How did they get you email adress in the first place? Stalking?- The loser nobody gives a fuck

boner- Zayla

I'd tell them to post everything on myspace or facebook or whatever stupid social networking site all the emos go to.- Xifihas


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