Results for February 2009
Awards given out by JCP


What if any celebrity could kick YOU in the groin (and you can't retailate in any way) - who would you want it be and why?



paris, shes so god damned stupid i could just tell her that my balls are invisible and floating to the side of me- Monoxboogie

i dunno the actors name, but you know the guy from austin powers?the one playing minime? i'd pick him. short people can't reach my groin. die you.- rock cookies

Good Answer AwardThere are a number of ways to break this down; do I go for someone with a small foot to lessen the potential impact? Do I go for someone with a compassionate soul that would likely hold back from kicking me as hard as they could? Do I go for someone full-on mental to get maximum effect? I think the only person who can possibly cover all of these bases is Jesus. I'd let Jesus kick me in the nuts. Hell, maybe he'd even heal the itchy sensation I have under my scrotum.- Mzebonga

Emmanuel Lewis...cause he's too short to reach my groin with his foot.- Poptart

i wouldnt want any celebs to kick me in the groin or i would sue them hardcore- cool kid

Ben Roethlisberger, for many reasons. 1) He's a Steeler therefore he is awesome 2)I doubt he'd kick a girl in the groin heh 3) If someone has to do it, the guy may as well be nice to look at.- oxie "fuck the wind" licious

Dakota Fanning. She's tiny.- Ashwinster

Good Answer AwardSonny Bono. The guy's dead so his kick shouldn't hurt too bad.- Jefe

Good Answer AwardStephen Hawking because he seems like a nice guy that wouldn't do that. He may run over my foot, and I'd be honoured.- Spanky the WONDERHORSE

Good Answer Awardwell personally, who would want to be kicked in the groin even if you are a female? i'd want that Siberian husky from that movie(hopefully you know what the hell i'm talking about) to have the honour of giving me a kick in the groin. The reason for that is quite simple. I've never been kicked in the groin by an animal. i wonder how it'll feel. And i'd get this chance to find out.- frozen capsicums

Good Answer AwardHulk Hogan. The old man would probably have a heart attack trying to lift his leg high enough to hit my groin, almost certainly brought on by his years of steroid abuse. Hulkamania must die once and for all, and all the little Hulkamaniacs need to see the Hulkster perish trying to get Hulkamania to run wild on me. After he croaks, I might as well eat him. No use letting good meat go to waste. Maybe what nutrients are left in his steroid-ravaged heart will imbue me with some sort of magic and it will make me grow in size and talent, as well as improve my ability to grow handlebar mustaches. I shall impregnate his daughter as well. I don't think she's hot or anything, I just need to establish my dominance and force her to bear my child. Gene Simmons' daughter, Sophie, now she's where it's at. She might not have red hair and freckles, which is are characteristics of absolute perfection in a woman, but at least she's pale. - The Reverend Cornelius Spunkwater

Good Answer AwardDakota Fanning. Just so I could say that she did. And then people would be like "Wow, what'd you do to her? You must have done something. Dakota is such a sweet and cute innocent little girl. She'd never do anything like that without good reason!!!" Hey where is Dakota Fanning anyway? The last time I remember her being relevant was War of the Worlds, and that had to be like four years ago. Maybe I should pick a better celebrity who people still care about. Fuck it I've already answered and that's that. Now I'm just kind of rambling. Hey. So what have you been up to lately? You know this is my last question. I answered the survey questions completely out of order. That's right, I mocked your order and made my own! Muahaha. Or something like that. I'm really tired. My turtle is staring at me. I think maybe I should feed him... Okay, I think I'm done now.- narcoticsunshine

I'll go with a 7-year old Dakota Fanning (during her 'I Am Sam' days, which was apparently her breakout movie role). She was short and her swinging leg probably couldn't reach my crotch. Then again, this is Dakota Fanning we're talking about. Nothing about her is normal. Hmm. Oh well, I stand by my answer. I bet she's weak as hell.- McDiablo


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