Why would I tell you? You'd write some awesome article about it and take all the glory. And I'm not just saying that because the voices in my head tell me to - I'm saying it because I FEEL it.- Politely Dangerous

Birds are robotic government spies that fly around and listen to your conversations. If they hear you say something like, "I disagree with the government" or "We should all move to Canada!", then it takes photos of you with it's camera-lens eyes (you thought they were just blinking), and sends them directly to the president. What's the president going to do with pictures of you? Masutrbate. That's what he's going to do. Then he's going send orders to the FBI to kidnap and murder your family, and make it look like an accident. The only way to protect yourself is to wear a tinfoil hat. *points to the shiny device on his head.* -Me

In the future, we will have polluted so much that the trees will all uproot and take down human society to repay the favor.-alpha.omega

Big Foot- Face without a name

The entire government is a conspiracy (and it's not crazy)-Loser

The government has this car that runs on water, right? But they can't let us know, because then we would use up the water, right? Then all we would have to drink is beer, and the government knows that beer, sets us free.-InfernoSlam

That EVERYTHING around us is controlled by a drunken alien playing a video game.-Arthur, King of the Britons

I hope the last chick you slept with was a dude!!! I am the greatest HATTER!!! -Slick Willy