Results for January 2008
Awards given out by JCP

How would you feel if Santa took a shit and piss in a stocking and hung it above your bed (so it soaks through and drips on your face as you sleep)? Would you plot revenge and if so, what would involve?

Good Answer AwardYou know, he wouildn't be the first one to do that to me. I would do the same thing to him that I did last time. I'd plant incriminating evidence on him and inform mrs Claus so that she would think he had a mistress in New Jersey. Then A well placed suggestion would lead her to find some sharp scissors and remove little st. nick from between his legs and take it on a sleigh ride and toss it into a snow bank where a polar bear would eat it. Let's see how jolly he is without mr happy. HO HO HO indeed.- bury me in my own filth

Good Answer AwardWell, it wouldn't be Santa who did this. It would either be my mom or my dad. That's right, kids, SANTA ISN'T REAL. So, if anyone did this, it would be my parents, and that would piss me off a lot. Like, why would they do something so disgusting? You bet I'd plot revenge...or at least wait for karma to do it's thang. Yes, I said "thang."- McDiablo

Good Answer AwardI imagine I would feel smelly and wet and not in a good way. I would also wonder who gave Santa crack for Christmas. I guess that's what happens when Santa divorces Mrs. Claus and marries the crackwhore down the street. Or maybe his elves got him hooked. At any rate I would have to exact my revenge upon the newly junkified Santa Claus. I'm not sure how, maybe tie him to a pole after making sure he's extremely addicted to crack and have him detox slowly while letting his reindeer, elves and crackwhore piss and shit on him.- Arisu

I wouldn't fight in the big Caffeine War but damnit, if that fucker dripped shit and piss on me I'd snap. It would become my life's sole objective to make that old fucker pay. If I couldn't make him pay I'd certainly die trying....nothing scarier than someone who's got nothing to lose ! - Poptart

i shot santa claus- calamity

I would be pissed! Er... very angry! I'd bring forth my evidence to the FBI that I've collected over the years that shows how Santa is an evil son of a gun who needs to be DESTROYED. If the FBI doesn't find my evidence compelling (hey, that piece of stuffing does SO prove that Santa stalked me!) I'll take matters into my own hands. I haven't been building a super missle in my parent's basement for nothing you know. Get ready Santa, you're going DOWN.- narcoticsunshine

I'd spend all year thinking about it and trying to conceive the perfect proportional revenge but, when faced with the ideal moment, I'd bottle it and just scold him in an incredibly naff manner.- Mzebonga

Good Answer AwardWell, first off, I would wait until Spring and leave the stocking out in the sun until next Winter. And so, three seasons (And several reports for that NASTEH smell.) later I would wait for Santa and smack him in the face with a year's worth of vile disgustingness. Afterwards, I would have my house condemned for the smell, but it was totally worth it.- Streak9

of course i would plot revenge!!!! i would help speed global warming so his north pole melts and he will be forced to drown!!!!! of course id save the penguins up there first. they are just innocent bystandards.- bobthemouse09

Hell yeah. I would put a pitch fork in my chimney and shoot down Rudolph when he flies by.- JQ

HOW WOULD I FEEL? WELL, Revenge would start the moment I figured what it was, so, vengeful is how I'd feel. I can't quite spring up a fabulous juicy revenge to something so foul in a mere minutes but it would consist of shin spliting boulders and molars on a necklace para moi.- TheBubble

Good Answer Awardstockings??? Santa?? Wait are you talking about Christmas? I thought I heard you say Santa? Are you telling me that that hellish season of revolting jollity and fake happiness is back again? And I have to go back out and buy shit for people I hate and see family I hate and eat food I hate and be forced to listen to crappy Jesus carols which I hate. ARRGGG I HATE Christmas!! I didn't even have time to enjoy the fun holidays like setting off colorful explosives and hunting for oval shaped things filled with candy, damn this year went by quick... Oh and Santa already learned his lesson for trying to visit my house ..... - If I only had a navel....

Good Answer AwardPractical jokes involving effluvia are disgusting and my wrath would know no bounds. Christmas would die as a result of that act. I would slay Mrs Claus and leave her corpse to bleed out as Santa slept beside her. I would massacre the elves and wrap their evicerated bodies in presents addressed to Santa. I would cruicify the baby Jesus. When Santa was close to breaking point with grief and ready to crack, I would slice open his fat, round belly and hang his lower intestine over his body like tinsel and take polaroids as he slowly slipped off the mortal coil.- Mzebonga


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