Results for August 2008
Awards given out by JCP


You're in a cage at the bottom of the ocean and sharks are swimming around.
What DO you do to escape (before your oxygen runs out) and does it involve pulling down your own pants?


Good Answer AwardWell, I guess I don't have much chance at living since at 23,000 ft beneath the surface I'd not only run out of air pretty quick but I'd probably be crushed the the size of a grape. The bottom of the ocean is pretty deep you know. If I was still alive and there wasn't any submersable rescue vehicle nearby or a cleverly hidden spare air tank beneath the cage I'd go for broke and use my diving knife to pry open the cage and attack the sharks. "They are cowards at heart and depend on their fierce snarling teeth to frighten their prey." I know this because of the nature shows always show them snarling fiercely and only attacking from behind. After killing a few sharks I will cut open their internal air bladders and breath from them until I reach the surface.- Stange odor t-shirt guy

Swim!What did you expect me too do walk home?- JuggaloBob

Good Answer AwardFirst I tell the boat attached to the cage to lift me out of the water. Then I tell them to give me the phone, which I call my neighbors kid with. The neighbors kid gets his deadbeat dad to drive him to the airport, from which he hitches a ride on a helicopter to my location. Upon his arrival, I tell him that 1)there is gold at the bottom of the sea, and 2)if he gets all the gold I will stop calling him a pussy every time he falls down on his skateboard. Of course I am lying about that, but hey, it's the neighbors kid. Then the neighbors kid will hold on to the cage while it gets lowered back to the bottom. I will tell the neighbors kid that the sharks must have eaten all the gold, but he's being a pussy again and holding onto the bars of the cage. Using my trusty pocketknife, I would cut the neighbors kid's fingers off so he can't hold onto my cage, and he drifts off towards the sharks. Finally, while the sharks are distracted I will jimmy the lock open using nothing but the change in my pocket. Once the lock is open, I will swim safely to freedom without even a scratch on me. p.s. I might have to use the neighbors kids skin to hold enough air for me to make it back to the surface. Maybe I could flay him alive before the sharks get to him?- Rattlehead

My don't know about you but i can't recycle oxygen through "my pants", so i would poop and drive the sharks away that way.- iamzbob

Good Answer AwardI think I would squeeze out a big-old turd and shape it like a fish (not a remora)then when the sharks chased it I would make a bee-line in the other direction. So yes, I guess that would involve the lowering of my pants.- Cessna

I would cut myself somehow, not too bad and soak my pants in them and throw that the opposite way of my swimming and if I were attacked I'd beat the shit out of the shark.- kmizzz

i die.- no named loser

i would try to fuck one of the sharks and make him happy so he could tell the others that i was cool and theyd let me go- prisazzz

relax because sharks rarely attack people, slowly make my way to the surface to avoid the bends, and i would only pull my pants if the water was relatively warm.- dogmanto

Take of my diamond bracelet and saw the bars off and then give the sharks happy pills so I can swim upward to FREEDOM. I saw it on a Monk episode. Sorta. - bottled dragon water

Good Answer AwardFirst I'd check to see if there are any Lawyers in the cage and if so push them out of the cage so the sharks eat them and leave me alone. Then, Assuming I'm in a shark cage and not just a trap to keep me locked in, and Assuming that I have some kind of a scuba air tank on so I have a few minutes to work with, I'd pull off my pants and tie knots in the leg cuffs and holding the pants upside-down fill them up with exhaust air from the scuba mask. Having created a workable floatation baloon I'd step out of the cage and float effortlessly to the surface while trying to discourage any remaining sharks from nibbling on my dangling tender bits, since I am no longer wearing any pants.- SaintBartleby

Good Answer AwardI bite a chunk of my arm off and let the blood spill out around. Hopefully the sharks smell it and begin to wreck the cage. Once they bend a big enough hole, i squeeze through and punch a shark in the gills. While its dazed i jump on its back and hold my bloody arm in front of its nose so it chases it and swims to the surface.- Quell

pull down my pants and fart, then grabbing the tail of a dead shark as it floats to surface.- frybrain

I would try to make this answer more interesting, but I just honestly wouldn't survive.- p3n0rm0nst3r

pants, hahahaha pants are for assholes, republicans and your dad. nay nay i wouldst leave the cage and proceede to teabag every shark that comes to close.- shwartzie




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