Results for March 2007
Awards given out by JCP

Someone you know is writing a horrible story about a priceless diamond stolen from a princess, who sends out some dude to get it back, he gets captured and because he's her true love, she goes and rescues him, but now that they're on their way home, they realize they've gotten a fake diamond from the evil dude. They can't figure out if they should turn back and get it, or simply pretend it's the real one because it's pretty close to the real thing. That's right, they were tricked. What do you suggest the ending should be?

Good Answer AwardEveryone gasps! A fake! Oh no, whatever shall we do?!? "Let's just go," the 'true love' begs, "It looks real- isn't that good enough??" "NO!" shrieks the spoiled and creepy princess, "I want my diamond, and, as the male, you are my bitch and you will go and get it for me while I sit on this stump and cry!" So the man runs off to do the princess's bidding, only to be be gruesomely murdered. The princess wastes away, crying on her stump.- bluemonkeyfearer

Find a guy with a real big diamond,hit him with the fake diamond until he dies and steal him his diamond,then go back and pretend it was the real diamond.- mad_patrol

That they both die in a failed attempt to MAKE A GOOD MOVIE.- idontmindthesunsometimes

They go back get the real diamond, but are given another fake diamond. They realize its fake too, but they can't decide to go back or not..- Streak9

Good Answer AwardThey should fight over going back to get the diamond, she calls him a bastard, he calls her a whore, and then a 15 minute gunfight occurs following with the death of the princess. The dude gets 5 life sentences for capital murder and the diamond thief gets to relax in Cozumel for the rest of his life. Which happens to be 3 days before the cannibals find him. Everyone lives happily ever after.- No name the nameless

Stop reading the book and beat up the stupid one who wrote it.- mad_patrol

they both fukin die- losingsanity13

i suggest they go to get ice cream. that stuff makes everything fun! on the way back they should go to the evil mans house and ask for it back.if he doesnt give it back they should refuse to give him any ice cream. then they should promply chop his head off and get it back by force.- bobthemouse09

Good Answer AwardShe would start nagging and complaining that he's a dumbass for being duped!! They fight, never make up and go their separate ways. That would start a part 2 to the story where they both go back unknown to each other to get the real diamond. A very War Of The Roses scenario unfolds but with a whack load more oral sex. - Poptart

They shud take the fake one home and someone else goes to get the real one but the fake one is the real one!!...??- Lucy

Good Answer AwardThey should go home and bang the heck out of each other. What good is a diamond anyway? I suppose they have their use in industry and science, but diamonds are basically useless baubles. The heck with the evil dude, let him choke on his compressed lump of coal.- Cessna

Good Answer AwardI'd say screw that entire story because it's so trite and hackneyed and do a completely original one of me meeting Roger Waters. - oxie

maybe a good old fashioned caning, but thats me i like the old school punishments- beavis'sbutt

Good Answer AwardI wouldn't even suggest an ending. I'd just say, "Hey, you know what would be fun? Burning your story." We'd then set the pages on fire and do an awkward choreographed dance routine around the flames.- McDiablo

A big red spotch, that came from the author committing suicide with a magnum 44. Because after all, people who write that kind of crap lead bleak and unimaginative lives, and they're stealing all my oxygen damnit.- Archbishop Shaggy

Good Answer AwardHMMM...sounds like the makings of a highschool-made porno to me. i would suggest that they go back...have the guy pull some indiana jones shit while the princess makes out with the evil dude (its a lame story anyway) take the real diamond and everyone lives happily ever after. you know i might even suggest that this story be submitted to some lame producer who is accustomed to having all his work go from production to immediate dvd release...kinda like what most new disney movies do when they make sequels to classics. god i hate that. they ruin classics. little mermaid 2...cinderella 3...5 new friends and 8 new songs...i hate new friends. - Dougy Fresh

They fuck and have malformed babies.- biillyyzz

go get the thing back. After all wouldn’t that diamond what signified her as her status?- Ishkabilly

Good Answer AwardDishonor! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your family, dishonor on your webpage, dishonor on your cow...- LostinthePurple

Princesses and pretty rocks and true love..... And as all cheesy stories they would go off in the sunset and have not a care in the world and love each other forever! That would be nice but that would not be fair. So I think the diamond that is fake should really be the real one, yet they give it back to the "evil dude" because they are not that intelligent (they are left empty handed! he he) and they would hopefully live in poverty for the rest of their lives and be on the level of the dog that I kick when I get angry. (maybe I'll just kick them!) The "evil dude" would rise to power and would reveal himself to be liberator of all people who vomit at the hearing of revolting love stories.- blonde hair, pink Freak

First off, the guy needs to sell his bitch so that he can get a cute little boy toy cause females allways do stupid shit anyway. Second, he must turn around, and beat the hell out of that little punk ass evil cock mongrel. Then he will sell the fake diamond and have his new butt toy boyfriend get his penis pierced so that the diamond will be hidden in a safe place forever and ever.- Lovin the butt sex!

They go back and get it and on the way there he gets eaten by a dragon and she marries the evil dude.- Your Name Here

id go back and chopp of his head- Jay Killa

Good Answer Awardi suggest that the evil dude tortures and murders them for their lack of common sense and exstreme stupidity. then the evil guy should get aten by monsterous tulips and they should steal the dimond and give it to their leader who happens to be a retarded monkey with a festive straw and unbrella up his/her butt. who throws it at a random hobo from new jersey who dies. then the dimond gets picked up by a jewler who sells it to another princess so the cycle repeats..- 6inchhookerheels

Monkey ButtI really don't care.- Fuckwit

they nuke the bastard- doesntreallymatter

they go back get the real one and give the fake to the king keeping the real on for themselves- ape

if she is a princess she shud have enough money 2 buy a new diamond i think that the princess shud get naked and have a mass orgy with a bunch of amputey midgets - EsKEmO

Their car/chariot/horse/stagecoach goes into a ditch, which sends them both flying out of their vehicle*(see above)--and no, they weren't wearing their seatbelts, this is pre 1985(??)--so either tragedy ensues, and both are killed outright. Or you can have a happier ending with the princess and her beau ending up either amnesia(can't remember how to talk let alone what a diamond or a ring is) or ending up with the IQ of piece of gum, leading right back to how to talk, etc...! The End (anyone need a tissue?)- ivydiamond

Revenge evil dude for the real deal.- audiominer

The dude has disappeared and they should go on home.- hector

They blame it on the Saudis.- Guava

They say screw it and go home and make many babies.- beerbad

Well...first of all I suggest to my friend that they end their spiralling writing career. But I suppose in the interest of answering this question I suggest the ending to their story be that the two people turn back in the hopes of getting the real diamond, only to walk into a trap. They are both captured and told that the diamond they thought was fake, was really the real one and they turned back for nothing. Then they are killed by the bad guy. The End! This way the story is more true to life, there are rarely happy endings in real life! Cheerful eh?- Pyro Princezz

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