Results for June 2007
Awards given out by JCP

You're sitting in your house/tent/box/wherever you live and enjoying a peaceful evening. All of a sudden, a car alarm goes off. You sit there, waiting for someone to turn it off, but no one does. It's getting really annoying and starting to destroy whatever patience you have left. WHAT DO YOU DO? - McDiablo

I'd do what I always do. Hire my neighbor to steal the car and it disappears. No more car, and especially no more alarm. Everyone is happy, except the insurance companies and possibly the prick who had his/her car stolen.- Junkie Deluxe

I take a shit in a plastic bag and twist it up and cut off a corner to make a brown pastry bag. Then I go out and spread my chocolate browny batter on the car doorhandles. I return to my dumpster behind the 7-11, after filming myself doing the aformentioned deed, and wait to film the owner opening his car door in the morning so I can share my vengance by posting my latest entry on U-tube. - Grape Douchebag

be my sef and sit there without saying anything then put on some music to drown it out- Dumbass without a Name

Play live action "The Sims" with the car owner and really suck at the game.- G-Rod

get out your trusty crowbar and BEAT THE CRAP OUT OFF IT- Life Essence

I save my patience from imminent destruction by losing it altogether and detroying the car instead. Otherwise, I go to the pub for a beer. This, of course, results in me getting drunk and, if it's still going when I get back, I probably destroy it anyway. It's just that this way I get drunk too.- Mzebonga

1)Grab a baseball bat 2)Knock on every door in my ten story highrise 3)Threaten to kill their babies unless they turn their car alarm off. Hopefully the owner of the car will be at home, and have children. 4)Breathe a sigh of relief when the car alarm is indeed turned off. 5)Resume ritualistic sex act.- idontmindthesunsometimes

I'd make use of that bazooka that was accidentally mailed to me. I KNEW I saved it for a reason! But, really, why do people have car alarms? Do bystanders actually run up to the car that's making all the noise just to see if someone is vandalizing/stealing it? NO. The bottom line? No one gives a shit about the well-being of your car, so don't install a freakin' alarm. Thank you.- McDiablo

Good Answer AwardKeep the car under constant survailance until the owner eventually shows up. Then I'd beat the crap out of him. After all, it's not the car's fault it's owner is a douchebag.- Archbishop Shaggy

Good Answer AwardFirst I yell out some sort of swear-word, then sit up, growl in anger and get up to go look angrily out of the window closest to the sound so I can see WHO is to blame for this intrusion into my life. It goes from there depending on what I see going on out the window but will probably result in some sort of yelling just so I can vent some of my frustration before going back to bed. If neeeded, I will go take a hockey stick to the car if no one else does anything about it before I truly snap.- JCP

Take matters into your own hands, and shut that alarm up.- agent_of_truth

Call the police and report the neighbor for violating the noise disturbance laws.- emmie

Good Answer AwardI would strip naked and go running from the house and immediately start banging on the doors of my neighbors houses screaming to the inhabitants that the world was ending and to contact their alien in-laws. When people got tired of me and called the men in white jackets to take me away to asylum then I would get put in solitary padded white cell. There I would finally get my peace and quite plus really comfy carpet and walls.- If I olny had a navel....

Good Answer AwardGrab a chainsaw and go crazy. Let ALL of your neighbors feel your wrath.- Cheesy Pickle

I use the same 12 gauge pump and shoot the alarm. - reddnex

I would seize the opportunity, stealing its motor, the gas, and anything else expensive, cause hey if the owner of the car does not care enough to come out and turn off the stupid alarm then he wouldn’t care if I took a few things! - sharpie sniffer

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