Results for July 2007
Awards given out by JCP

There are alarms going off, red lights blinking and a computerized voice counting down towards zero. None of the systems are responding, the lights have now gone out, a funny smell is filling the room.
How do you make your daring escape and does it involve lasers in any way
?

Considering that I have no idea what room I'm in, I'll say I'm in the bathroom. I'd use a high-tech laser-wipe to wipe my ass clean. Quickly but accurately, I'd pull my pants up careful not to zipper my balls. As the countdown is far from zero, I'd walk out the door smoothly without bothering to wash my hands. - Donnie

the smell is excrement and the tiny laser pointer isn't doing me much good...though the cat seems very amused...I point the cat out the window..it follows...I scream and yell as many obscenities as I can and hope for the best - Poptart

... How close to zero are we talking, because I still need to check my email before I use my laptop as a brick to break my window and leap out. - oxie, who forgot a nickname

ps x | grep self-destruct | kill 9- jo

Good Answer Awardno lasers, where the fuck am i anyways? the lights are out and someone is in the oven. i dont want to go hungry. ill look for the smell and then eat whatever it is. because if im in a situation like that i definetly didnt bring a lunch. then ill look for some doors. maybe a window or 2. im skinny, maybe a mouse hole or something. follow the rats, they always know the way out.- joytoy

Good Answer AwardI leap from my chair! Trip effortlessly over my pile of papers I should have had done last week. As I run to the stairs...my boss points the meeting laser to the exit. Realizing I might die I quickly give him a piece of my mind. Then as he tells me I'm fiered my instincts take over. I remind myself of the pay raise I didn't get and steal the laser! There take that you bastard! Fleeing down the stairs, laughing and almost to the door, I see my former co-workers gathering outside. As I burst through the doors I yell, "You all suck!, you're gonna die working here Bitches!" Then all the noise and lights stop...people start filing back into the building...and the computerized voice says... "This is a test, this is only a test, please return to the building." - sseedie

I will use my nifty laser gun that I keep with me at all times to burn a hole to my celing, then I will crawl through the air vents in my apartment bulding, doging rats and cockroaches I'm sure, to escape slyly out of the building. Cliche, I know. But it would seem the only logical thing to do.- idontmindthesunsometimes

With my Frikin' Laser Beam tied to my head,I shoot the idiot next to me will anal flatulants and turn the key to secure the systems myself. I then calmly walk out the door where I am carried through a crowd atop shoulders and screaming geriatric patients for saving the walk in freezer at the old folks home! Today was "Icecream Time At 5" day.- Budi

Good Answer Awardwell i dont think lasers are really appropriate in that kind of a situation. it might make me feel like i was under some sort of pressure. any way i would just calmly walk out of the room i was in then run screaming down the hallway and potentially set somthing on fire or trip over something. any way im just not cut out for survival and would end up trapped forever with the bad smell, annoying lights and some lady that counts down from ten then uop to ten then down and- you get the point. i would eventually just starve to death.- bobthemouse09

i make my escape when it dawns on me what that funny smell is,,,,and put it out.and put it out and put it out and put it out and put it out,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,- rayyo77

I contact the interdimensional self-transforming machine elves and request an immediate transport. Now the actually method of transportation could be likened to a laser, but technically travelling faster than light it is not a laser.- agent_of_truth

when im older im going to play laser quest and shoot all my family because they are horrible- leggie

Yes it does involve lasers as a matter of fact. How did you guess. I simply use the laser to laser-port out of the horrible room of TERROR!! MUHAHAHA- Criky

Good Answer Awardsit there and die- lord dhadow

why escape? escape to what? - green

I take off my shirt, urinate on it to create the same filter that Jews surviving the Nazi gas chambers used to survive and place it over my mouth and nose. I would then push escape and start the level over.- G-Rod

Good Answer Award"Nice try Justice Man, but you'll never stop me!" Dr.Doom's leather chair then turns into a space rocket and takes off. Regarding the funny smell, Justice Man has a bit of a hygene problem, he says "Crime doesn't take time off to change it's underwear."- me

figure out what the smell is and eat it- Yo

think outside the box! i keep a special pill bottle handy just for this very event.- snippy

I would reach over and hit the abort button. Turn off the alarms. Turn on the lights. Blow out the scented candle. And get out of bed.- ARVN7

Good Answer AwardAs soon as the countdown hits zero, I puff out my belly and yell "STARE" while a laser of hearts, rainbows and flowers shoots out of my belly button. I use my laser to shoot down the door, and speed out, all the while typing about my great escape to submit to the Insane Domain.- Hufflebunny

I'd use my laser gun and, duh, blast open the door of the garbage chute. After calling some guy a "flyboy", I'd make my way down there, narrowly escape being crushed to death (not to mention drowned by a tentacled creature), and go on my merry way all while thinking, 'I swear this has been done before...'- McDiablo

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