Results for December 2006
Awards given out by JCP

How much money would it take to get you to agree to being a mall Santa one year?
(A mall Santa is someone who pretends to be Santa and sits in some stupid area in a shopping mall
so kids can sit on his lap and have photos taken.)

More than i get to peddal tools to yuppies...- Zombie Sock Monkey

100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000$- mad_patrol

$999 billion dollars.- Freaky J

Well, I live in a tiny little province in Canada, where everyone seems to know everyone else, so I don't think I would take any amount of money, seeing as I'd probably be recognized, and poked fun at, even with the itchy beard and hat.- Hufflebunny

You mean I can get money for doing that? Do they run a backround check first?- Burnt-out Bill

Good Answer AwardId do it for free if the mall owners and parents said it was allright to kick the god fearing shit out of the ones who act up or ask for stupid toys, and if one of the uppity little shits says im not the real santa, i should get to swing them around by his/her ankles and throw them against the wall.- Meenky

most kids have mothers, id do it for free,hee hee, i mean hoo hoo- wocknhell

100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 billon $- Ginger_girl

Monkey ButtId do it free. who doesnt like little kids on your lap? with those tight little buttcheeks?(sorry i have to twist my nipples to fight off my demons) when they say what they want for christmas id say i have at santas away from home workshop in the lil boys bathroom. thengive them jesus juice and cookies and have fun allnight while the parents watch like micheal jackson did.:]- pornstar of the ant coloney at 14

ill pay the mall just for the chance to have kids sit on me.. but trust me, its a waste of time because none of them even know their own phone numbers.- creepymike

What the fuck is a Mall? And who wants snotty fucking kids on their lap? Now their mothers? That's a different thing all together; I get a lump in my trolleys thinking about it.- Angus Purebread

$3,245,860.84 because I am a girl and not so much into pretending to be fat or hairy.- Rawrquel

Good Answer AwardIt would take about 60 billion dollars. Then I would wear pants that had built-in needles in the legs so that children would suffer when they try to sit on me.- bluemonkeyfearer

Money? I would just do it for the looks of joy on the...okay, yeah, I can't even bring myself to lie that badly. I have six bucks to my name, if everyone in the world pays me 6 bucks everday, I'm in.- monkeeskittles

Sorry, not enough money. If I want a kid to sit in my lap and shit/puke/piss on me, I can stay home.- Junkie Deluxe

at least three fifty- BIG POPPA

i'd do it for free! the tought of staring at all those hot mothers. Oh yes!- South-West-Suicide

Good Answer AwardNot much, actually. I actually wouldn't mind sitting on my ass for a few hours and smiling for pictures. I wouldn't even mind the crying kids or the pee. Come on, there are worse jobs out there. I'd rather be a mall Santa than shovelling shit. I'd also like to see how much I could get away with. For example, I'd be a total creeper/dick to the very last kid who sits on my lap on Dec. 24. I'd stand up once the kid gets settled on my lap and, once they hit the floor and cry, I'd say, "Ho ho ho, didn't see you there, you little bitch/bastard!" - McDiablo

Roughly 10 Canadian dollars, 4 UK pounds, or 9 USD. The thought of filling my day with something useless in its entirety would more than satisfy- Epic Epidemic

are you nuts? some little brat can claim you touched him or her in the wrong place and the next thing you know you are in prison as a child molester.- grump

More money then you have I'm sure..I'd say about 20 million dollars. I'm such a whore!!! At least I'm an expensive one..Wow, three of my personalities just answered this question. Alix, the practical "normal" one, Sue the impossibly depressed one and Amanda the greedy one. I have many others however....they just haven't graced you with their presence as of yet...- PyroPrincezz

there is no such thing as a fake santa they r all real..- sceneboy

Good Answer AwardI'd do it for free, provided the elves are real and are my slaves.- Anna Phylaxis

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