Results for December 2006
Awards given out by JCP

What if aliens came to this planet, found you and demanded you explain humans to
them or else they would tear off your legs and kick you in the head with them?

I'd recommend that they batter my legs in tempura and cook them in oil, then add a burger and a coke: Viola! American Human.- Zombie Sock Monkey

Tell them that humans are stupid.What?Im a human?!- mad_patrol

Good Answer AwardI'd tell them that humans are the most neurotic of the amimal kingdom, and they like to fuck alot.- Erinfuck

Good Answer AwardI'd have to say that humans were just an out of control race of selfish bastards and if they (the Aliens) would exterminate the planet they would be doing themselves a big favor. Oh and please take me away to be the star exhibit in your alien abduction zoo display.- Burnt-out Bill

same thing I told clause, bite my white ass!!- Meenky

Monkey Buttid say, start tearing- wocknhell

Humans sucks- Ginger_girl

id say come with me into this dungeon in my basement the rape them while my grandma records it then call it alien anal expedition #7 this isnt my first my other gilfriend were aliens the sad part was i bend over- pornstar of the ant coloney at 14

aliens already contactd me in my lucid dreams when they were hovering over my house fairly far up and usually they scare me to much and i fly or run away from them and want to wake up but im sure one day we will come to an understanding that im not just to be played around with like some primitive ape.- creepymike

How do you explain the inexplicable? I'm dead.- Angus Purebread

Good Answer AwardI would tell them that they must already know plenty for themselves to be able to communicate with me and understand that my legs being ripped from my body would cause me pain. - Rawrquel

I would slap them. How dare they speak in such a way to their queen???- bluemonkeyfearer

This is a trick question. There is no way to explain humans, no way at all, so either way you go, they're going to tear your legs off and kick your...head.- monkeeskittles

Good Answer AwardI'd ramble on hours noting all the horrific atrocities that mankind has made over its history. Then I'd mutter something about how much aliens look like Martha Stewart and how my house needs a makeover. I'd follow up with a brief presentation of how to scream like a little bitch until you bleed to death from having your legs ripped off.- Junkie Deluxe

"uh, what do you mean by 'explain humans'?"- BIG POPPA

i'd explain humans to them. "humans are scum". with that we'd sit and have pizza.- South-West-Suicide

Good Answer AwardI would tell them that humans serve no purpose to the world other than their ability to fuck things up. I would then explain that maggots serve more of a purpose than we do. Harsh, I know, but the aliens should know the truth. I'm sure they'd marvel over the fact that we humans can adapt fairly well to different environments and situations, but that's really the only "positive fact" that I can think of. Actually, it's more "interesting" than it is "positive". Afterwards, I would then politely point my new alien friends to the direction of Paris Hilton's home(s) and ask them to tear her legs off and beat her with them...for no reason, of course. Woo.- McDiablo

Good Answer AwardI would tell them of humans mindless materialism, selfishness, greed and fornification, then ask them if they wanted some home made sugar cookies with little pieces of mango in them. Then, when they ate the cookies and their face started melting,(Becuase everyone knows aliens are allergic to sugar) I would laugh and try to collect some of their body slime to put on my waffles in the morning. - Rabid Dustbunny

Well, I would explain in plain english (not that they'd understand me) that the human race is a mass of self-loathing yet entirely too narcissistic nothingness.- Epic Epidemic

Good Answer Awardi would say man can be divided into 3 groups the good the bad and the retarded. the bad rule the world the good bitch about it and the retarded are to stupid to care.- grump

I say, explain aliens to me first. If you can explain aliens then I will attempt to explain the stupidity that is the human race. Although I suppose I could explain humans in just a few words. Humans; random, stupidity. (Although this isn't allowing for the fact that there ARE some smart humans milling about on this planet laughing at the stupid ones.) - PyroPrincezz

they r all gay and they need to die because they start to much drama so please kill all mankind- sceneboy

Ask the psychedelic mountain pixies what to do. The pixies ALWAYS know what to do. Or if the pixies are on holidays, Stop, Drop, and Roll.- Anna Phylaxis

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