: March 2005

We're having a TheInsaneDomain talent show. Everyone here has to perform. What sort of talent do you have that you could show off on stage for us all? If you don't have one, or hate performing, what sort of distraction will you arrange to get out of it?

I can perform my talent of all-knowing grammar abilities!!! And then when everyone is asleep, right around the time when I am editing all of the grammar errors in the entire website, then I can escape.- bluemonkeyfearer

I have recently been taken by Aliens, I won't leave a note.- Thag

i can fall down and hurt myself..works for both situations!- Quaid

I'll sing. And I don't suck (at singing), as people ahve told me.- Kitty

Pole dancing. Only done it twice but loved it. (And not professionally!)- sarah_the_monkey

The ability to make an onion cry. REVENGE!- SiNiSTaR

independent eye control.- qualude

i have a special condition that, with stage makeup and props, allows me to be stabbed in the chest in a certain area and is completely real.- eclipse

I'd drop an E pill before the show and bet a million dollars no one stare into nothing without blinking longer then me. muawhahahah *grins*- The Bubble

Well - I look like Jesus (hence the name) so therefore the most obvious thing to do would be to do my impression of a toaster - they have a lot in common, trust me, Jesus would be mighty pissed off if you stuck a fork in him. If I was trying to get out I'd blatently just burn the toast, but make very clear than I'm not doing an impression of a CRAP toaster, so therefore get disqualified for being a liar, and I'd get Iron Maiden played to me... I think I'll perform.- Cineworld Jesus

I can squirt milk out my nipples, but I'm to shy to do that in public, soooo I'd probably wet myself and run out of the room crying.- j0eg0d

Well duh I'm going to be up in the alien spaceship watching you all so I don't HAVE to embarass myself in front of everybody like you simple mortals. I'M the chosen one I don't have to go to talent shows. - BoredBlondChick

O.O and breath very heavily, creepily...- Franny

Play the saxamophone.- Sven the Masseur

i'd sing nursery rhymes horribly out of tune whilst dancing moving my "jazz" hands- pixiepunkgurl

I will pretend aliens attacked me and stuck a probe up my ass so im kinda busy.- freaky people2

i'd lick my elbow ^_^- monkeymonkey69

I'd sing because I have a natural gift of singing and I love singing.- Bubblegum

To get out of it, I would volunteer to be the candy girl for those in the audience.- redwoxer

get the Iron Monkeys to beat you up and take first prize anyway.- shane a.k.a. McClane

I have a huge dick- Heartoman05

I can hang spoons from my nose, but I doubt that's very extraordinary in this crowd.- Marky-Mark

I can sing the song that never ends for 10 minutes.- InstantOatmeal

I would make randomly scary faces until I got slapped over the head with a rabid gorrila or everone ran away.- The Teenage Mutant Ninja Gerbil

I hate to perform, so I'd go with distraction and nothing works better than watermelon juggling clowns I bought off a street corner the other week. But telling you this information decreases any chance of my freedom, now doesn't it?- weirdDAR

I could prove to the world that I am the most miserable excuse for a human being alive. Or I could make a chicken out of a tea towel...- Mzebonga

i go and chew in someones legs for a couple hours and eat his eyes with a spoon. Then for the finisher, i would set some Marshmellow Peeps ablaze in the middle of the flood and say "THE MELTED SUGAR LOOKS LIKE BLOOD!! BLOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!"- Property_of_City_Morgue

Well my talent is riding and working with horses so if i could perform that on stage I would do that. But if I couldn't I would set a animal loose to get everyones attention and while they are chasing the animal I would run away.- CountryGal4711

have my girlfriend come on stage with me, then stab her in the neck.- ntzdrgn

My talent is the ability to do diarrhoea on command. I would whip down my pants and proceed to fountain of unprocessed corn)- Turtle

Slurpee chugging? Ear wiggling? Shoulder checking? Busting a badass move? Take your pick. Too bad I can't do plate spinning. That'd just be badass. I'd steal the show for sure.- McDiablo

i'd shoot myself to get out of it.- yingman09

I can re-animate a dead body. Of course it would have to be under extreme security and I would have to perform this feat under great confidense with the panel of judges for the auditions... When it comes to performing infront of a crowd, I would re-animate several dead bodies and let them loose upon the audience so they get brutally butchered by my beautiful creations rendering them care-free about ethics and other such annoyances of human nature as they would be dead. That will be just the beginning. They multiply fast. - Mort

Well...I'm an actress, so I can dress up like Lucy Liu, cut someone's head off with my samurai sword, and deliver the "Queen of the Crime Council" speech from Kill Bill Vol.1. That should entertain the savages.- idon'tmindthesunsometimes

i could do the numa numa dance- clagsniper.x2

I'd quote the first page book of grade one puns while sitting in a CHAIR, you know to rev up the crowd, then on one foot as I touch a fat mans hairy belly I'd run though the trigonometric functions which I'd make up on the spot... bow out then throw candles into the the crowd to distract them from me escape of being pumuled...... you need both for that kind of act. - Gargling Ingie Ingie

I'd bring my "stunt double" for my "trick" and wait for my "spot", cus I am definatly dieing to perform ... my "actual performance" that is "ready". Then go to the washroom and crap out a few outrageous long diareha interludes... that last the entire show... and i miss my bit... while the stunt double sits.. looking identical to me and one door remains locked through the entire show in the bathroom stall and being so embaressed about my er smell and spillage I climb through the window... after i already missed my bit, of course. - Spitting Tit

 

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Submitted on: Wed Mar 30 12:47:50 2005
pocketsquirrels: jump in a pond
popcorn: fake a car bomb and strawbery
ironmonkey: walk inside and get my trusty rpg
talentshow: i could do the numa numa dance
herbert: oncomeing trafic
- clagsniper.x2

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 15:43:59 2005
pocketsquirrels: This is my death, my death! what do you think I'd do strip off all my clothes run rampant in the streets with squirrels all over my face, chewing near vital viens and organs I presume... I wouldn't be panicking for anyone to take the squirrels off me... cus i planned on doing this anyway before i died... I'd attack ever pedestrian until I stop a car and hijaack it... crash it, being unable to see with the squirrels and all... continue onto a store eat everthing I can... deficate on the counter and Laugh "Ring mE Up!" at the cashier, then I'd run into a park dig my own grave.. fall in, then realize I wanted to be cremated.. climb back out... go for a nude jog, sit down on a park bench, have a cat nap... wake up ask someone for a light or better yet steal one, then set myself on fire... all the while squirrels chewed at my face... I can do that all in near seconds...
popcorn: I'd be confused as I had none of the things in the allowed item list... them I'd accuse them of demeaning me and spit on thier home planet... but since its a demand... force will be resorted for my chosen oneness is to be ambiguosly important, I could be chosen to be a theater attended and they were short of one bag of flavoured popcorn until the manufactures sent in a new shipment... So I'd bring dill pickle, hydrogenated, with full unorganic butter, and just know those hearst attacks will come in mere moments of there filthy life times.
ironmonkey: I'd ask for identification, certificate of authinticity..... with it not spelling that way on the form..... ask him for proof of the wrestling team.. such as awards or badge, after this interogation the monkey would be confused and feel aggrovated and resort to the only action he knows to resort to which is punishment... hurt... RRAARRR, this is when i respond by running in the streets and screaming, DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT OF MISBEHAVIOUR ON ME?.... over and over until the iron monkey beats me up ...and I file a lawsuit that becomes settled for 2000 rolls of wrapping paper... i didnt say i wasn't interested in the wrapping paper, it was a little over priced though.
talentshow: I'd quote the first page book of grade one puns while sitting in a CHAIR, you know to rev up the crowd, then on one foot as I touch a fat mans hairy belly I'd run though the trigonometric functions which I'd make up on the spot... bow out then throw candles into the the crowd to distract them from me escape of being pumuled...... you need both for that kind of act.
herbert: Herbert has an empty bed waiting for him already of course he'd be welcomed... in any bed actually... but i can't promise i'd get out of mine... although he can go in ANY bed... I mean while I'm in that bed I don't mind company, Not to drink tea and gossip but if that does it for him... I mean whomever the company is in my bed, where as herbert can come to bed... in any bed in my home, that contains two beds..I mean I wouldn't kick him out for spilling a little jizz in unconventional place or even conventional ones........ I mean..... heh.... my bed.... heh... herbert?
- Gargling Ingie Ingie

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 18:31:43 2005
pocketsquirrels: Attack thier faces, now usually i don't practise animal brutality but in a life or death situation, I'd make the exception. I'd probably bite their tiny heads off one by one and then lift the half built nest out and bite it in half then... spit it out, unless it has a good taste, never had squirrel head a la nest, so who knows? Problem taken care of yet again. *pats self on back*
popcorn: I'd argue that "chosen one" shanadigan... as they demanded that i was, I'd insist I wasn't and that they'd must of mistaken me for someone else... and I'm the chosen one for this planet and I came from a differnt planet after being demanded here by the earth people. AND that I am all tired of immigrating through the solar system and had a hard enough time adjusting here on earth.. after the rectal exam and everything. I'd give in after some more whinying and demanding... and whining from me, demanding from them... la da da, until I give in and I "depart to collect my items", then thats when I would jump into a bomb shelter and sit.. wait... sit...and wait for about 3 years.. then return to a new world of complete destruction because since the aliens didn't get the chosen one they got pretty pissed and waged war... so that means I'd have free dibs on all shit and will eat any surviors who get in my way, no rule governing, all how, baby. I would of took nacho if I went... I heard that shit could sustain an enture century without going bad... you know, in case it was a long trip.
ironmonkey: I'd challenge him to a wrestling match and see if he'd know what to do... after it being evident of him not having a clue how to wrestle, since he didn't even go, like I to did and put on those tight tight taunt spandax pants and well top, since I didn't know him that well... It be all to apparent that I caught him at his own game... then buy the wrapping paper anyways since my wall decor is composed of wrapping paper and plastic plates, nails and glass bottles... I like to redecorate now and then, you know, just gotta keep it prim and trim in a none homicidal maniac way. heh. what are you looking at... what...
talentshow: I'd bring my "stunt double" for my "trick" and wait for my "spot", cus I am definatly dieing to perform ... my "actual performance" that is "ready". Then go to the washroom and crap out a few outrageous long diareha interludes... that last the entire show... and i miss my bit... while the stunt double sits.. looking identical to me and one door remains locked through the entire show in the bathroom stall and being so embaressed about my er smell and spillage I climb through the window... after i already missed my bit, of course.
herbert: only if he'd respect my shoes and avoid staining them with semen, if this isn't avoided, then its out on the tail and pink rectum yet again... but if he does avoid it I just know a love affair will sprout and every night passionate love will be created in the shoe closet with all his shoes! and i guess battling over him masturbating with shows and momma landlord getting some sweet attention.
- Spitting Tit

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 19:27:32 2005
pocketsquirrels: break there necks
popcorn:
ironmonkey:
talentshow:
herbert:
- rizzo