: March 2005

You're out walking around and when you go to put your hands in your pockets, you discover that a family of pocket squirrels have moved into both pockets. Since they are in the nesting phase, they are extremely angry with your 'attack' on their nest. If they all come out of the pockets and attack your face, you'll die within seconds.
What do you do?

Well, it would be essential that the monkeys DON'T attack me, so I would apologize desperately for the nest attack ,and then present the pocket monkeys with a pair of pants that they can nest in.- bluemonkeyfearer

you have to quickly unfold one (only one) of them, upon seeing how utterly easy it is to be destroyed, the others quickly retreat to their nest- Thag

wats wrong with dying via pocket squirrels attacking the face??? i encourage them of course with squeals and grunts in my death throes :)- Quaid

Leave your hands in your pocket and then ask someone to get you something that will poision the squirrels (quickly, as insecticide would do to insects), then remove your hands from your pockets and spray them before they can attack your face.- Kitty

Wiggle my fingers like they're nuts on a tree, swaying on the breeze, in the hope that they just chew my fingers instead of my face.- sarah_the_monkey

open my mouth and blast them with hot garlic and onion breath i'd inevitably have after a generous helping of chinese food. once they're knocked out i'll just pick them up from the ground and pop them into my mouth, and swallow them whole. Being pocket squirrels they aren't very big, so no chewing is required.- SiNiSTaR

put them in my pockets and hold them shut- qualude

Take off my pants and bolt the fuck outta there. I fuckin hate squirrels!- The Bubble

Call Elmur Fudd, he's shit at hunting "Wabbits" but he may have more joy with "Pocket Squiwwels" though I imagine he'd blow my face off in a humourous way, screaming echos of Daffy Duck...- Cineworld Jesus

I'd sic my gingivitis turkeys on them.- j0eg0d

I would just keep my hands in my pockets run home and take off my jeans go out the door lock the door behind me and run to the police. - BoredBlondChick

Keep my hands in my pockets, but very still.- Franny

Die.- Sven the Masseur

kill the motherfuckers using my superhuman strength- pixiepunkgurl

I decide I will cut all the pockets off my clothing. - hulffebunny

staple your pockets to your body- freaky people2

FUZZ FUZZ FUZZ A DUCK, SCREW A KANGAROO, FINGERBANG AN ORANGATAN, ORGY A KAZOO!!!...ha! take that steve erwin- monkeymonkey69

I'd say hey I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. Please don't kill me. *crys* please don't hurt me!!!!!!- Bubblegum

spit nuts in the pockets- redwoxer

first of all why are you in the woods walking? 2nd get them to attack your best friend and RUN...... to bad for your friend though.- shane a.k.a. McClane

Take of my trousers- Heartoman05

Go swimming fully-clothed.- Marky-Mark

Put the squirrels in a paper bag, shake it violently, and laugh a lot.- InstantOatmeal

FEED THEM MY NUTS- ss

If there is more than five, make an allience. If not, sqeeze them until their eyes blow up. - The Teenage Mutant Ninja Gerbil

I see myself finding...myself in a corner, to think about what I had done. - weirdDAR

Find God and pray for redemption... No, really. Heh. No, I'd more likely duck and cover like those adverts said to do in times of crisis.- Mzebonga

take off your pants and run around and scream "THERE BE DEMON SQUIRRELS IN ME PANTS!!"- Property_of_City_Morgue

I would throw off my pants and run, probably screaming!- CountryGal4711

remoce pants quickly,give them blessings on their new home and hope its warm - ntzdrgn

I hold them in there until I find a needle and thread and then sew them in. I proceed to become dictator over their nests and force them to do naughty deeds for a drink of water and a nut.- Turtle

I magically whip a Slurpee straw out from behind my ears. I then tempt the rabid, face biting squirrels with it and pull it away just as they begin to show hints of interest. Patience, young Jedis, patience. I tempt them with the straw again until, at last, they bite onto it. Now they're at my mercy...but, uh, I don't know what to do next. I guess I'll just fling them in the air and give new meaning to 'flying squirrels.'- McDiablo

shoot my self- yingman09

Did you know there was a kind of frog called a squirrel frog? Well this is totally irrelivant to the question! ... ... I'd partner every pocket squirrel up with a squirrel frog and then they'd all make love, and not war...- Mort

uh run? yea run ! run for you dear life!- XMEX

I would find the nearest large body of water and proceed to dive into it immeadiately. I figure this way all the evil baby squirrils will drown. Sure, it's a damn shame, but that's life. However if there is no water available for diving, I suppose I'd just have to face my impeding death by squirrels.- idon'tmindthesunsometimes

Slowly I take my hand out of my pocket and make haste in sewing the opening of the pocket closed. Now that I am safe I can go on with looking 'normal'as to not draw attention to myself to the Secret Detective Mission F.B.I Officer in Comander Agent that has been following me for 7 streets- Nosepickingsnoteatingdumbasswithnoname

jump in a pond- clagsniper.x2

This is my death, my death! what do you think I'd do strip off all my clothes run rampant in the streets with squirrels all over my face, chewing near vital viens and organs I presume... I wouldn't be panicking for anyone to take the squirrels off me... cus i planned on doing this anyway before i died... I'd attack ever pedestrian until I stop a car and hijaack it... crash it, being unable to see with the squirrels and all... continue onto a store eat everthing I can... deficate on the counter and Laugh "Ring mE Up!" at the cashier, then I'd run into a park dig my own grave.. fall in, then realize I wanted to be cremated.. climb back out... go for a nude jog, sit down on a park bench, have a cat nap... wake up ask someone for a light or better yet steal one, then set myself on fire... all the while squirrels chewed at my face... I can do that all in near seconds...- Gargling Ingie Ingie

Attack thier faces, now usually i don't practise animal brutality but in a life or death situation, I'd make the exception. I'd probably bite their tiny heads off one by one and then lift the half built nest out and bite it in half then... spit it out, unless it has a good taste, never had squirrel head a la nest, so who knows? Problem taken care of yet again. *pats self on back*- Spitting Tit

break there necks- rizzo

 

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Submitted on: Wed Mar 30 12:47:50 2005
pocketsquirrels: jump in a pond
popcorn: fake a car bomb and strawbery
ironmonkey: walk inside and get my trusty rpg
talentshow: i could do the numa numa dance
herbert: oncomeing trafic
- clagsniper.x2

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 15:43:59 2005
pocketsquirrels: This is my death, my death! what do you think I'd do strip off all my clothes run rampant in the streets with squirrels all over my face, chewing near vital viens and organs I presume... I wouldn't be panicking for anyone to take the squirrels off me... cus i planned on doing this anyway before i died... I'd attack ever pedestrian until I stop a car and hijaack it... crash it, being unable to see with the squirrels and all... continue onto a store eat everthing I can... deficate on the counter and Laugh "Ring mE Up!" at the cashier, then I'd run into a park dig my own grave.. fall in, then realize I wanted to be cremated.. climb back out... go for a nude jog, sit down on a park bench, have a cat nap... wake up ask someone for a light or better yet steal one, then set myself on fire... all the while squirrels chewed at my face... I can do that all in near seconds...
popcorn: I'd be confused as I had none of the things in the allowed item list... them I'd accuse them of demeaning me and spit on thier home planet... but since its a demand... force will be resorted for my chosen oneness is to be ambiguosly important, I could be chosen to be a theater attended and they were short of one bag of flavoured popcorn until the manufactures sent in a new shipment... So I'd bring dill pickle, hydrogenated, with full unorganic butter, and just know those hearst attacks will come in mere moments of there filthy life times.
ironmonkey: I'd ask for identification, certificate of authinticity..... with it not spelling that way on the form..... ask him for proof of the wrestling team.. such as awards or badge, after this interogation the monkey would be confused and feel aggrovated and resort to the only action he knows to resort to which is punishment... hurt... RRAARRR, this is when i respond by running in the streets and screaming, DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT OF MISBEHAVIOUR ON ME?.... over and over until the iron monkey beats me up ...and I file a lawsuit that becomes settled for 2000 rolls of wrapping paper... i didnt say i wasn't interested in the wrapping paper, it was a little over priced though.
talentshow: I'd quote the first page book of grade one puns while sitting in a CHAIR, you know to rev up the crowd, then on one foot as I touch a fat mans hairy belly I'd run though the trigonometric functions which I'd make up on the spot... bow out then throw candles into the the crowd to distract them from me escape of being pumuled...... you need both for that kind of act.
herbert: Herbert has an empty bed waiting for him already of course he'd be welcomed... in any bed actually... but i can't promise i'd get out of mine... although he can go in ANY bed... I mean while I'm in that bed I don't mind company, Not to drink tea and gossip but if that does it for him... I mean whomever the company is in my bed, where as herbert can come to bed... in any bed in my home, that contains two beds..I mean I wouldn't kick him out for spilling a little jizz in unconventional place or even conventional ones........ I mean..... heh.... my bed.... heh... herbert?
- Gargling Ingie Ingie

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 18:31:43 2005
pocketsquirrels: Attack thier faces, now usually i don't practise animal brutality but in a life or death situation, I'd make the exception. I'd probably bite their tiny heads off one by one and then lift the half built nest out and bite it in half then... spit it out, unless it has a good taste, never had squirrel head a la nest, so who knows? Problem taken care of yet again. *pats self on back*
popcorn: I'd argue that "chosen one" shanadigan... as they demanded that i was, I'd insist I wasn't and that they'd must of mistaken me for someone else... and I'm the chosen one for this planet and I came from a differnt planet after being demanded here by the earth people. AND that I am all tired of immigrating through the solar system and had a hard enough time adjusting here on earth.. after the rectal exam and everything. I'd give in after some more whinying and demanding... and whining from me, demanding from them... la da da, until I give in and I "depart to collect my items", then thats when I would jump into a bomb shelter and sit.. wait... sit...and wait for about 3 years.. then return to a new world of complete destruction because since the aliens didn't get the chosen one they got pretty pissed and waged war... so that means I'd have free dibs on all shit and will eat any surviors who get in my way, no rule governing, all how, baby. I would of took nacho if I went... I heard that shit could sustain an enture century without going bad... you know, in case it was a long trip.
ironmonkey: I'd challenge him to a wrestling match and see if he'd know what to do... after it being evident of him not having a clue how to wrestle, since he didn't even go, like I to did and put on those tight tight taunt spandax pants and well top, since I didn't know him that well... It be all to apparent that I caught him at his own game... then buy the wrapping paper anyways since my wall decor is composed of wrapping paper and plastic plates, nails and glass bottles... I like to redecorate now and then, you know, just gotta keep it prim and trim in a none homicidal maniac way. heh. what are you looking at... what...
talentshow: I'd bring my "stunt double" for my "trick" and wait for my "spot", cus I am definatly dieing to perform ... my "actual performance" that is "ready". Then go to the washroom and crap out a few outrageous long diareha interludes... that last the entire show... and i miss my bit... while the stunt double sits.. looking identical to me and one door remains locked through the entire show in the bathroom stall and being so embaressed about my er smell and spillage I climb through the window... after i already missed my bit, of course.
herbert: only if he'd respect my shoes and avoid staining them with semen, if this isn't avoided, then its out on the tail and pink rectum yet again... but if he does avoid it I just know a love affair will sprout and every night passionate love will be created in the shoe closet with all his shoes! and i guess battling over him masturbating with shows and momma landlord getting some sweet attention.
- Spitting Tit

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 19:27:32 2005
pocketsquirrels: break there necks
popcorn:
ironmonkey:
talentshow:
herbert:
- rizzo