: March 2005

While sitting at home one night, a huge angry monkey comes to the door to speak with you. Apparently he's an Iron Monkey, bred for the sole purpose of going around and beating up misbehaving humans. He tells you that he's selling wrapping paper and other useless things in order to support his Iron Monkey wrestling team. Knowing that Iron Monkeys don't ever have wrestling teams, how do you respond?

Buy everything I can afford and add it to my junk collection in a pitiful attempt to appease the Iron Monkey. Do I care if they don't have wrestling teams? I care more about my life.- bluemonkeyfearer

I let it beat me up, but then trick it into feeling guilty about it. I then talk to it and make friends with it. By befriending it, I am able to get it to do my bidding.- Thag

i whack him with my tazer and call pest control!...failing that i spose i could do with some useless stuff!- Quaid

Buy soemthing if I want it, don't if I don't.- Kitty

Give him some more wrapping paper to sell 'for the cause' so he can make more money from scared people. And tell him to visit again for a cup of tea.- sarah_the_monkey

I'd help him with his dream of starting an Iron Monkey wrestling team by travelling the world and galaxies recruiting Iron Monkeys, and from there, start the IWFIM (Intergalactic Wrestling Federation of Iron Monkeys) and give WWE a run for their money by introducing ACTUAL death matches - the audience can participate (at their own risk!). Me and Bob (the Original Iron Monkey who came to my door all those years ago) will laugh all the way to the bank making money off all those poor pathetic lives.- SiNiSTaR

Buy the wrapping paper. - qualude

I say I don't know how to use wrapping paper, give him a banana, and send him on his way.- The Bubble

Give him an "Iron Maiden" CD, it's the punishment that I'd issue to any naughty lying iron monkies - it's obvious.- Cineworld Jesus

I would put refrigerator magnets on him.- j0eg0d

Ummm....I thought Iron Monkeys didn't HAVE wrestling teams? - BoredBlondChick

Who are the monkeys on the wrestling team? - Franny

I get beaten up. How else would one respond, apart from all the other responses given on this page?- Sven the Masseur

fuck you iron monkey- pixiepunkgurl

Buy something really cheap.- freaky people2

I'd say yes I'd love some. Please go marry me and then you can beat me up and we can be happy. *weird smile*- Bubblegum

That I LOVE wrapping paper, especially Japanese wrapping paper. I really wouldn't care what he was going to do with the money.- redwoxer

start crying and tell him how all of your stuff was stolen by the preps that are having a party down the road.- shane a.k.a. McClane

Tell him to fuck off- Heartoman05

Tell him my obnoxious neighbor said, "Let's see an Iron Monkey try to sell wrapping paper to ME!"- Marky-Mark

I kill the monkey as I have an unreasonable hatred of monkeys due to a trumatic experience I had in the 6th grade.- InstantOatmeal

I grab a shotgun and blow his head off(shoot first,ask questions later), Iron Monkeys aren't allowed to leave area 51 yet. - The Teenage Mutant Ninja Gerbil

This Iron Monkey would probably take the money I give him and buy crack. Since I'm having a hard time dealing with the pressures of the crack-industry pricing of the modern age, I slam the door in this pitiful money's face.- weirdDAR

I'd become their manager and get them contracts in the WWE and we could have really cool intro music and really gay speedos.- Mzebonga

you go get some duct tape and tape him to the door of the city morgue with a sign that says "Get the ants off me before they eat my Orange Taco Pudding" and staple his top lip to the tip of his nose.- Property_of_City_Morgue

I would buy some of the useless things so the monkey won't get mad and beat me up.- CountryGal4711

spin him around fuck him in the ass dry, then burn his nuts with a blowtorch, kick his ass and tell him to get a fucking job.- ntzdrgn

I push him into my smelter which just happens to be nearby and melt the bastard down. Then I make teeny little suits of armour for the mice that live in my house and train them up for my army so that I can go and take over the monkeys.- Turtle

I won't respond--I'll let Emerald do all the talking. She knows more about "monkey business" than I do (lame joke!). She'd probably be tempted to buy that damn wrapping paper, though. She just loves sticking tape to paper these days.- McDiablo

i'd shoot myself- yingman09

I'd help him out. Recently, I've had a shortage of wrapping paper so I would greet him with thanks. Thanks Iron Monkey. Thanks world - you fuckers. - Mort

Hmm...suspicious. He could be plotting to whoop my ass. In that case, I would whip out my nun chucks and begin a roaring rampage of kung-fu ninja stylings! An Iron Monkey always has a purpose-a purpose that must be defeated.- idon'tmindthesunsometimes

walk inside and get my trusty rpg- clagsniper.x2

I'd ask for identification, certificate of authinticity..... with it not spelling that way on the form..... ask him for proof of the wrestling team.. such as awards or badge, after this interogation the monkey would be confused and feel aggrovated and resort to the only action he knows to resort to which is punishment... hurt... RRAARRR, this is when i respond by running in the streets and screaming, DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT OF MISBEHAVIOUR ON ME?.... over and over until the iron monkey beats me up ...and I file a lawsuit that becomes settled for 2000 rolls of wrapping paper... i didnt say i wasn't interested in the wrapping paper, it was a little over priced though.- Gargling Ingie Ingie

I'd challenge him to a wrestling match and see if he'd know what to do... after it being evident of him not having a clue how to wrestle, since he didn't even go, like I to did and put on those tight tight taunt spandax pants and well top, since I didn't know him that well... It be all to apparent that I caught him at his own game... then buy the wrapping paper anyways since my wall decor is composed of wrapping paper and plastic plates, nails and glass bottles... I like to redecorate now and then, you know, just gotta keep it prim and trim in a none homicidal maniac way. heh. what are you looking at... what... - Spitting Tit

 

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Submitted on: Wed Mar 30 12:47:50 2005
pocketsquirrels: jump in a pond
popcorn: fake a car bomb and strawbery
ironmonkey: walk inside and get my trusty rpg
talentshow: i could do the numa numa dance
herbert: oncomeing trafic
- clagsniper.x2

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 15:43:59 2005
pocketsquirrels: This is my death, my death! what do you think I'd do strip off all my clothes run rampant in the streets with squirrels all over my face, chewing near vital viens and organs I presume... I wouldn't be panicking for anyone to take the squirrels off me... cus i planned on doing this anyway before i died... I'd attack ever pedestrian until I stop a car and hijaack it... crash it, being unable to see with the squirrels and all... continue onto a store eat everthing I can... deficate on the counter and Laugh "Ring mE Up!" at the cashier, then I'd run into a park dig my own grave.. fall in, then realize I wanted to be cremated.. climb back out... go for a nude jog, sit down on a park bench, have a cat nap... wake up ask someone for a light or better yet steal one, then set myself on fire... all the while squirrels chewed at my face... I can do that all in near seconds...
popcorn: I'd be confused as I had none of the things in the allowed item list... them I'd accuse them of demeaning me and spit on thier home planet... but since its a demand... force will be resorted for my chosen oneness is to be ambiguosly important, I could be chosen to be a theater attended and they were short of one bag of flavoured popcorn until the manufactures sent in a new shipment... So I'd bring dill pickle, hydrogenated, with full unorganic butter, and just know those hearst attacks will come in mere moments of there filthy life times.
ironmonkey: I'd ask for identification, certificate of authinticity..... with it not spelling that way on the form..... ask him for proof of the wrestling team.. such as awards or badge, after this interogation the monkey would be confused and feel aggrovated and resort to the only action he knows to resort to which is punishment... hurt... RRAARRR, this is when i respond by running in the streets and screaming, DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT OF MISBEHAVIOUR ON ME?.... over and over until the iron monkey beats me up ...and I file a lawsuit that becomes settled for 2000 rolls of wrapping paper... i didnt say i wasn't interested in the wrapping paper, it was a little over priced though.
talentshow: I'd quote the first page book of grade one puns while sitting in a CHAIR, you know to rev up the crowd, then on one foot as I touch a fat mans hairy belly I'd run though the trigonometric functions which I'd make up on the spot... bow out then throw candles into the the crowd to distract them from me escape of being pumuled...... you need both for that kind of act.
herbert: Herbert has an empty bed waiting for him already of course he'd be welcomed... in any bed actually... but i can't promise i'd get out of mine... although he can go in ANY bed... I mean while I'm in that bed I don't mind company, Not to drink tea and gossip but if that does it for him... I mean whomever the company is in my bed, where as herbert can come to bed... in any bed in my home, that contains two beds..I mean I wouldn't kick him out for spilling a little jizz in unconventional place or even conventional ones........ I mean..... heh.... my bed.... heh... herbert?
- Gargling Ingie Ingie

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 18:31:43 2005
pocketsquirrels: Attack thier faces, now usually i don't practise animal brutality but in a life or death situation, I'd make the exception. I'd probably bite their tiny heads off one by one and then lift the half built nest out and bite it in half then... spit it out, unless it has a good taste, never had squirrel head a la nest, so who knows? Problem taken care of yet again. *pats self on back*
popcorn: I'd argue that "chosen one" shanadigan... as they demanded that i was, I'd insist I wasn't and that they'd must of mistaken me for someone else... and I'm the chosen one for this planet and I came from a differnt planet after being demanded here by the earth people. AND that I am all tired of immigrating through the solar system and had a hard enough time adjusting here on earth.. after the rectal exam and everything. I'd give in after some more whinying and demanding... and whining from me, demanding from them... la da da, until I give in and I "depart to collect my items", then thats when I would jump into a bomb shelter and sit.. wait... sit...and wait for about 3 years.. then return to a new world of complete destruction because since the aliens didn't get the chosen one they got pretty pissed and waged war... so that means I'd have free dibs on all shit and will eat any surviors who get in my way, no rule governing, all how, baby. I would of took nacho if I went... I heard that shit could sustain an enture century without going bad... you know, in case it was a long trip.
ironmonkey: I'd challenge him to a wrestling match and see if he'd know what to do... after it being evident of him not having a clue how to wrestle, since he didn't even go, like I to did and put on those tight tight taunt spandax pants and well top, since I didn't know him that well... It be all to apparent that I caught him at his own game... then buy the wrapping paper anyways since my wall decor is composed of wrapping paper and plastic plates, nails and glass bottles... I like to redecorate now and then, you know, just gotta keep it prim and trim in a none homicidal maniac way. heh. what are you looking at... what...
talentshow: I'd bring my "stunt double" for my "trick" and wait for my "spot", cus I am definatly dieing to perform ... my "actual performance" that is "ready". Then go to the washroom and crap out a few outrageous long diareha interludes... that last the entire show... and i miss my bit... while the stunt double sits.. looking identical to me and one door remains locked through the entire show in the bathroom stall and being so embaressed about my er smell and spillage I climb through the window... after i already missed my bit, of course.
herbert: only if he'd respect my shoes and avoid staining them with semen, if this isn't avoided, then its out on the tail and pink rectum yet again... but if he does avoid it I just know a love affair will sprout and every night passionate love will be created in the shoe closet with all his shoes! and i guess battling over him masturbating with shows and momma landlord getting some sweet attention.
- Spitting Tit

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 19:27:32 2005
pocketsquirrels: break there necks
popcorn:
ironmonkey:
talentshow:
herbert:
- rizzo