: March 2005

What if you answered the door one day to find Herbert on your doorstep? Claiming that he's been kicked out of Poptart's place for making 'messes' in shoes and in the fridge with his monkey jizz, he asks you if he can live with you for awhile. He has a suitcase full of shoes, two used condoms and a blanket. Do you let him into your home and find a place for him or kick him to the curb (or into oncoming traffic)?

Oooh! Herbert! Sure, come on in, you can live in my shoe closet! I will give you lots of cheese and even more shoes, and I hope you'll be happy here!! Yay Herbert!- bluemonkeyfearer

Well, as much as I feel for poor homeless Herbert, I am not tolerant of messes, so I kick him to the curb.- Thag

invite him in of course..1 he'll make a great addition 2 my cage & 2 who doesnt want their own monkey ...jizz or no - Quaid

I say no.- Kitty

I will put him in my spacious, downstairs, well lit garage and lock it from the outside. When he has died, remove him to bin. What's the sense in having him killed needlessly on the road?- sarah_the_monkey

He can stay with me free of charge, only if he agrees to be a part-time chew toy for my rottweiler REX. Oh, and if he doesn't mind sucking REX's cock once in a while.- SiNiSTaR

kick him to the curb- qualude

I say sure and give him a nice home under my bed. It's so roomy down there. People crash under my bed all the time. Only two rules: Every day he must beat the shit out of my lil sister's guinnea pig, and only allowed to fuck with lil sister's shoes. If he follows the rules, he can stay as long as he wants. ^^- The Bubble

Realising the name Herbert if spelt backwards says Pope Juan Paul (umm) Satre I'd invite him in to talk about the nature of being, pretend to fall asleep (as he'd be used to that) then take him by surprise and suffocate him with a "Bannana" Split condom - oh the irony, monkies love bannanas and now the little bastard had been suffocated for overusing the comunal condom. Bastard Monkies.- Cineworld Jesus

Wow, that has the making of one romantic evening... come on in Herbert.- j0eg0d

Of course I'll let Herbert in my home! He's my friend and always answers my questions so nicely. I would let him in, let him sleep in my guest bedroom and even give him an exclusive Kfs T-shirt!- BoredBlondChick

I let him in with the exception that he jizzes outside.- Franny

If the above options are the only ones available, then kick him into oncoming traffic, but if allowed to do whatever I want, I'd tie him to the clothes-line, spin it around and treat it like a moving pinata, smacking it with a shovel.- Sven the Masseur

i tell him to stop by my mom's place i'm sure they can find a use for him used condoms- pixiepunkgurl

I think i would kick him into oncoming traffic!- freaky people2

you can live in my closet, but i think their might already be something living in there......i swear it's got this funny stench and ew it's just horrible, i think it's the boogeyman O.O- monkeymonkey69

I'd kick him into oncoming traffic. Lol!! J/k I love Herbert. I'd send him to live with my Grandpa!- Bubblegum

Herbert can keep on moving!- redwoxer

hmmmm...... i would give him to the preps down the road. the girls love monkeys.- shane a.k.a. McClane

Kick the fucking shit out of that cunt then fuck off with his suitcase- Heartoman05

Into oncoming traffic.- Marky-Mark

I let him into my house and bring him to school to show all of my friends.- InstantOatmeal

I'd kick him into oncoming traffic(I wonder if sock monkeys bleed MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH)- The Teenage Mutant Ninja Gerbil

I would invite him to wait at the door for a moment, go back into the house and set my video camera up on the tripod. I would then record myself opening the door, turning to let him in the quickly spinning around and punting the little git in front of on-coming traffic then post the video on this here website.- Mzebonga

i would let him in and put him in my stepdad's room with his shoes and tell him to "have fun"- Property_of_City_Morgue

I would not let him in because there was obviously a reason why he was thrown out of Poptart's place. Also seeing those used condoms would scare me. I would definetly kick him to the cub but if he happened to fly into oncoming traffic i wouldn't care as long as he is not in my house.- CountryGal4711

steal his shoes,give them to salvation army for tax write off,throw his monkey ass to the curb,stuff used condoms down girlfriends throat,take a picture for scrapbook.- ntzdrgn

I let him in of course. I need some more stuffing for the pillow I'm making. And those buttons will go great where they fell off my duvet cover.- Turtle

I could never kick Herbert into traffic! That's just, well, the opposite of 'nice'. Emerald keeps asking about Herbert 'cuz I think she wants to be his friend. I'm not sure about those condoms, though, 'cuz I don't want Herbert to get any ideas while hanging around Emerald. But, whatever, he'll have to watch out 'cuz Emerald's been taking kung fu lessons. I think her goal is to replace the Iron Monkey.- McDiablo

i'd shoot myself and give him my house- yingman09

Concidering that Herbert will probably look over these answers... of course I'd let him in! Just like old times. Me and Herbert go way back... of course he was under heavy sedation at the time so wouldn't remember a thing... but yes, I knew him back in the day where he was known as Alexander III. The third test subject of my experiments. I'd be happy to welcome him into my home.. I'd be curious to see how my beautiful creation was coping in this world full of humans and other genetically flawed entities. He is the progeny of my madness... Herbert is just one of the superior beings of this planet... Do not underestimate him. We have made him so strong... - Mort

oncomeing trafic- clagsniper.x2

Herbert has an empty bed waiting for him already of course he'd be welcomed... in any bed actually... but i can't promise i'd get out of mine... although he can go in ANY bed... I mean while I'm in that bed I don't mind company, Not to drink tea and gossip but if that does it for him... I mean whomever the company is in my bed, where as herbert can come to bed... in any bed in my home, that contains two beds..I mean I wouldn't kick him out for spilling a little jizz in unconventional place or even conventional ones........ I mean..... heh.... my bed.... heh... herbert?- Gargling Ingie Ingie

only if he'd respect my shoes and avoid staining them with semen, if this isn't avoided, then its out on the tail and pink rectum yet again... but if he does avoid it I just know a love affair will sprout and every night passionate love will be created in the shoe closet with all his shoes! and i guess battling over him masturbating with shows and momma landlord getting some sweet attention.- Spitting Tit

 

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Submitted on: Wed Mar 30 12:47:50 2005
pocketsquirrels: jump in a pond
popcorn: fake a car bomb and strawbery
ironmonkey: walk inside and get my trusty rpg
talentshow: i could do the numa numa dance
herbert: oncomeing trafic
- clagsniper.x2

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 15:43:59 2005
pocketsquirrels: This is my death, my death! what do you think I'd do strip off all my clothes run rampant in the streets with squirrels all over my face, chewing near vital viens and organs I presume... I wouldn't be panicking for anyone to take the squirrels off me... cus i planned on doing this anyway before i died... I'd attack ever pedestrian until I stop a car and hijaack it... crash it, being unable to see with the squirrels and all... continue onto a store eat everthing I can... deficate on the counter and Laugh "Ring mE Up!" at the cashier, then I'd run into a park dig my own grave.. fall in, then realize I wanted to be cremated.. climb back out... go for a nude jog, sit down on a park bench, have a cat nap... wake up ask someone for a light or better yet steal one, then set myself on fire... all the while squirrels chewed at my face... I can do that all in near seconds...
popcorn: I'd be confused as I had none of the things in the allowed item list... them I'd accuse them of demeaning me and spit on thier home planet... but since its a demand... force will be resorted for my chosen oneness is to be ambiguosly important, I could be chosen to be a theater attended and they were short of one bag of flavoured popcorn until the manufactures sent in a new shipment... So I'd bring dill pickle, hydrogenated, with full unorganic butter, and just know those hearst attacks will come in mere moments of there filthy life times.
ironmonkey: I'd ask for identification, certificate of authinticity..... with it not spelling that way on the form..... ask him for proof of the wrestling team.. such as awards or badge, after this interogation the monkey would be confused and feel aggrovated and resort to the only action he knows to resort to which is punishment... hurt... RRAARRR, this is when i respond by running in the streets and screaming, DO YOU HAVE A WARRANT OF MISBEHAVIOUR ON ME?.... over and over until the iron monkey beats me up ...and I file a lawsuit that becomes settled for 2000 rolls of wrapping paper... i didnt say i wasn't interested in the wrapping paper, it was a little over priced though.
talentshow: I'd quote the first page book of grade one puns while sitting in a CHAIR, you know to rev up the crowd, then on one foot as I touch a fat mans hairy belly I'd run though the trigonometric functions which I'd make up on the spot... bow out then throw candles into the the crowd to distract them from me escape of being pumuled...... you need both for that kind of act.
herbert: Herbert has an empty bed waiting for him already of course he'd be welcomed... in any bed actually... but i can't promise i'd get out of mine... although he can go in ANY bed... I mean while I'm in that bed I don't mind company, Not to drink tea and gossip but if that does it for him... I mean whomever the company is in my bed, where as herbert can come to bed... in any bed in my home, that contains two beds..I mean I wouldn't kick him out for spilling a little jizz in unconventional place or even conventional ones........ I mean..... heh.... my bed.... heh... herbert?
- Gargling Ingie Ingie

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 18:31:43 2005
pocketsquirrels: Attack thier faces, now usually i don't practise animal brutality but in a life or death situation, I'd make the exception. I'd probably bite their tiny heads off one by one and then lift the half built nest out and bite it in half then... spit it out, unless it has a good taste, never had squirrel head a la nest, so who knows? Problem taken care of yet again. *pats self on back*
popcorn: I'd argue that "chosen one" shanadigan... as they demanded that i was, I'd insist I wasn't and that they'd must of mistaken me for someone else... and I'm the chosen one for this planet and I came from a differnt planet after being demanded here by the earth people. AND that I am all tired of immigrating through the solar system and had a hard enough time adjusting here on earth.. after the rectal exam and everything. I'd give in after some more whinying and demanding... and whining from me, demanding from them... la da da, until I give in and I "depart to collect my items", then thats when I would jump into a bomb shelter and sit.. wait... sit...and wait for about 3 years.. then return to a new world of complete destruction because since the aliens didn't get the chosen one they got pretty pissed and waged war... so that means I'd have free dibs on all shit and will eat any surviors who get in my way, no rule governing, all how, baby. I would of took nacho if I went... I heard that shit could sustain an enture century without going bad... you know, in case it was a long trip.
ironmonkey: I'd challenge him to a wrestling match and see if he'd know what to do... after it being evident of him not having a clue how to wrestle, since he didn't even go, like I to did and put on those tight tight taunt spandax pants and well top, since I didn't know him that well... It be all to apparent that I caught him at his own game... then buy the wrapping paper anyways since my wall decor is composed of wrapping paper and plastic plates, nails and glass bottles... I like to redecorate now and then, you know, just gotta keep it prim and trim in a none homicidal maniac way. heh. what are you looking at... what...
talentshow: I'd bring my "stunt double" for my "trick" and wait for my "spot", cus I am definatly dieing to perform ... my "actual performance" that is "ready". Then go to the washroom and crap out a few outrageous long diareha interludes... that last the entire show... and i miss my bit... while the stunt double sits.. looking identical to me and one door remains locked through the entire show in the bathroom stall and being so embaressed about my er smell and spillage I climb through the window... after i already missed my bit, of course.
herbert: only if he'd respect my shoes and avoid staining them with semen, if this isn't avoided, then its out on the tail and pink rectum yet again... but if he does avoid it I just know a love affair will sprout and every night passionate love will be created in the shoe closet with all his shoes! and i guess battling over him masturbating with shows and momma landlord getting some sweet attention.
- Spitting Tit

Submitted on: Thu Mar 31 19:27:32 2005
pocketsquirrels: break there necks
popcorn:
ironmonkey:
talentshow:
herbert:
- rizzo