: July 2004

The garden gnomes have decided that humans must do their evil bidding.
Do you fight or do you obey them?

MAN... I've always held an endless vendetta towards those little critters... they're not donig that again are they? Looks like it's time for my gno-melter again...- M. Mort

Well, if their evil bidding involves sitting in the garden next to the pond all day, I'm with them...- Mzebonga

I'd obey them in fears that they would schmoosh my Garden flowers- Hufflebunny

gnomes?- qereqw

i'll do both. eventually they'll decide i'm skitzophrenic, and unworthy of their bidding time. they'll put me in a hospital and do crazy experiments on me. [Spleen.] then, i'll magically produe a box of nose tissues, and float away with a gnome. well use a spatula to paddle. flamingos might try to attack us, BUT NO FUCKERS, MY BIG TOE WILL EAT YOU ALIVE AND SPEW YOU AROUND LIKE A COMPUTER MOUSE. then my toe will turn on me, and eat me alive. robin williams will be in another stupid movie and my lawn gnome friend will live happilly ever after and some other dude will drown. [Spleen.]- Morshada

Ask Tony...- stephano spencarno

There evil bidding will probably kill all humans and order to assignate other people while others are out to assignate us. Obviously.Ill Obey frankly, Ive always wanted to be a agent or one of those poeple. People who legally kill or have to do it to protect themselves. In the end most likley ill just go to a mental hospital with my freakin luck. Dammit. The Garden Gnomes have there inconspicious ways, yeah of course Im crazy, course they aint real pleaaassee... They are just patient slowly killing fuckers. Evil im always there.- QuicklyGargle Spit

I'll fight them with a steam roller.- totseloz

I obey them, only to get close to them, and fuck them up with the garden hose/rake.- UndeaD_SOul

No. I'd start an underground rebellion against the garden gnomes. Then I'd kidnap there ambassador "The Roaming Gnome" and threaten to send him to horrible locations that aren't worth vacationing to if they continue to make us do their evil bidding. Then again, why do garden gnomes want to force us to gamble for them?- anthraxboy

Now I've dealt with a similar case before involving Moomins. The trick is to pretend that you will be their slave. If you do everything they say you will end up as chief butler of the "Gnome King". You have to mention to the king the possibility of life outside of the garden. He will just laugh and say "every gnome knows there is nothing outside of the garden". At this point you must lift him and show him your neighbours gardens so that he believes you. The next day he will give a speech to his fellow gnomes about the other gardens. He will then ask you to lift them so they may see. You have to say "no" so that the gnomes start a mutiny. They will anounce you as the new gnome king. Your first and last order, as gnome king, is for all gnomes to stand completely still for the rest of eternity. p.s.It is extremely rare for the gnomes to do this, although it still a risk.- Fredward

Niether. I ally with them to control earth, but secretly, I am working for the hamsters. We shall manipulate the gnomes to do OUR bidding. - InstantOatmeal

hehe gnome.- BEER.

AGAIN? I dealt with those bastardly dastards once before, and it ended quite amicably, unless you consider a wood chipper "unamicable." This time, I would OBEY them, and then follow them to their secret lair, towing my trusty chipper, of course. - wILLies

obey, oh great gnomey one.- cyberwaste

pretty garden gnomes. I like garden gnomes, Id obey them unless its the ones who steal my underwear or unless they said I had to like Avril Lavigne or Britney Spears, if thats the case then Ill need a plastic bag, a pepsi can and a no bristle toothbrush,- Monkeeskittles

I'm sorta in neutral country with them..there's one yard gnome I know but I don't think that one poses much of a threat at all..I used to be sorta scared of them when I was little, things like that creeped me out..then I saw that one in Amelie that went traveling...and others like it *ahem*..that was pretty cool..I guess I really don't care? Evil is bad though isn't it..How about this, I neither fight nor obey, I just sorta sit around and drink coffee? That's pretty much what I do now..excellent.- FartMonkey

I would beat their ass with a shovel!- cutebutcrazy

I've never met a garden gnome. Unfortunately. But if they gave me a lot of money and guaranteed me a protection in case I ever get in prison I guess I would do it.- Such a Beautiful Bitch

well for a start im farrrr to tall to be a gnome or anything like a gnome so id fight them. I could jump on them or sumthin.Duno really.....but i woudnt let them win! No Way would i be ruled by garden gnomes.....maybe if it was fairies at the bottom of the garden then it would be a different kettle of fish!!!Who knows!?!- Keli-Weli

I have a very tall friend called keli weli. So she would kick their arses.lol- field


i will kick the little fuckers in the nut's and tell them to piss right off!- plank

Obey them and do a few forward rolls- TheCady

fight them. lets face it. one kick and that's them kaput..unless they trip you up with their fishing rods..i think i'll dowse them in urine as well- Ice_Pick_Abortions

I let them fuck me in the ass, then splooge all over them., After that, they love me and we open the largest PORN movie studio in the world.- RipRap

i obey then devise an evil plan to be ruler of all gnomes!!- biscuit

i try to fight them at first but their height proves as an advantage against me. i recieve several painful plaster blows to the groin and then work as advisor for them.- JAG

I take over and become their leader.- Ash

obey them.whoever fights with the gnomes must be fucking insane- The Spanking Mistress


both. i would obey them in fighting the human resistance- sven the masseur

Fight. All garden gnomes should have been destroyed, years ago- .Sheep shagger

I usual Do my own evil bidding as its more cost effective and hypnosis gives me headaches, fucking slackers... The Garden Gnomes are usually very comanding of me like most inanimate objects as the garden hose and cars are. I usual ignore them or whine about people not liking me and repeatidly girlie slap them as I crouch over there sorry lives...although it just makes there voices stronger..and louder...and argghh... what? thats not true!!!!No please don't fill my ears with cheese whiz! Ill kill the mailman, Alright! Just..please...oh..no...*sniff*... Um *ahem* Anyways no I dont do there evil bidding.. but you know an occasional favour that is an disgused evil bid... could be true.. but.. um.. yes I am sorry Ill stop talking about it..Forgiveness... - LAstNightsdiner

fite back- seamonkey

i obey until i get a female alone.............- zeb

Depends. If they force me to have lots of intercorse with the opposite sex to keep the population going then yes, take over my small red hatted friends. But if they tried to make me has sex with monkeys so they could breed a hybrid monkey man, I would say NO... GET YOUR OWN MONKEY MAN HYBRID. Damn gnomes.- Planque

I'd obey them. C'mon -how hard can it be to sit on a rock with a fishing rod all day?! Anyways, I'd much rather do that then fight and get one of them rods shoved somewhere unpleasant.....- Hayz

Fight!!!! Damn gnomes think they own me! Ill school them! They will be just like a 1 leged man in an ass kicking contest against me!- Kino

Disguise myself as a pink plastic lawn flamingo and live in harmony with the evil gnomes. - alisonwunderland

I am a very tall garden gnome. - tink

i make them pull weeds in my garden, !- jimmy

FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- Biffo35

Pshhttt what are you talking about, you humans already obey us. >;]- TommyTheCat

fight- I thought you already knew it

fight! vive la resistance!!!!- la femme cinema

obey for a bit then fight- plankster

As long as they treat the pylons with respect, then I have no beef with them. Although...garden gnomes are rather creepy. I will admit, though, that the Matthew Good Band did a good job de-creepifying them. *Sigh* "Anti-Pop" is such a great music video...- McDiablo

I would make them think I'm obeying them, but im really devising an evil master plan against them.- damyang

obey of course i love my gnomes they r my precious- megica

I throw them in the garbage- Im Coming For You

I FIIIIIIGHT!!!......with tobasco sauce- tobasco_saucer

I remember the Bowie song. If they write comedy prose for radio shows, I'll fight them the whole goddamn way. I'll catch you, Laughing Gnome, if it's the last thing I do!!!- Mzebonga

As if life isnt tough enough, I already got the childhood dolls and paintings evil bidding being depended on me... these inanimateded object resembling something half human have to think of what there doing to me. I mean even if they lack care for my health, they will have to get a little business minded about how this is effecting my missions and outcomes... I mean i can't keep up with the city workers a girl can only upturn so many manhole covers in one night. The garden gnomes have been increasingly abrasive on our usual small chat as I exit the house.. always confiding there problems about how they cant move except when the moon is full and how they doubt they'd be able to get the human race extinct at this rate. So... maybe, I will have to question there methods though... fighting is out of the question because I value or aquainted friendlyness much too much, so hey I guess *sigh*. No more milking cows though... Cabbage patch sally didnt explain how... and well I miss my arm for fucks sake.- Solid Light Cakeyness~~In my Pants.

gno, i don't... i don't even gno them... - ript

i see them everywhere!- bumswipe

I have no idea. Id have to wait till this happens then see what i'd do.- Asshat

I'd pretend to obey all the while acting as a spy for the cat overlords who will soon conquer the gnomes and emancipate the humans/murder them. Either way it's a happy ending for everyone... - ferretchick

AH HAH ! I KNEEWWWW IT ! They all thought I was crazy when I told them the gnomes were gathering secretly in my neighbor's yard at night, putting together battle plans ! I've kept safe a 10-pound Axe , for I saw this day coming from miles away. I will assemble a small army of mexican children, equip with random gardening equiptment to aid me in battle. I will pay them in half-eaten corn cobbs and rat fesces. Maybe I'll get some kinda medal .... -me

I am a garden gnome. Where did you get this information? Why wont you all just DDIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!- cocoplops

obey them- dri_Z

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