part six : planning ahead
So maybe I'll end my relationship with the TV. I think I have done this before, yet there it is. Staring, it's glossy screen staring back at me. I thought I had killed you. Either way, this must end. I mean, it lies all the time to me. One time it told me something was good for me, and then when I bought that thing, it tried to kill me. I'd be more specific, but it's happened so many times I have forgotten such details. TV does that too, which is another reason it's got to end. Abruptly.
I've decided that time is the problem. It seems to be only one way for most of us. I've been trying to determine how to break this. If I could just figure it out then I could go explore some things. Dinosaurs would be cool to see. They would probably roar at me and make me go deaf though. Either way, imagine the cool photos I could take. Even if no one knew the truth of them (besides me), who cares? Time travel isn't for everyone.
James had acted like he had known what I was saying but I know now he didn't. he was a smile and nod guy, yet he was able to make even me believe him for awhile. Stars and rocks? Not for him. Not for real anyway.
So Perth Parker (Doesn't that just sound nice? Go on, say it out loud.) has decided that it's time to switch banks. With all this fancy literature from another, and the promise of 'easier accessibility', how could Perth say no? Those automated bank machines are great; such shiny buttons. A breeding ground for germs, sure, but think, there you are typing away and it spits out money. No more small talk with the bored teller. How can that not be convenient? I mean, why should I have to deal with other humans at all? They slow things down. Perth Parker knows what I mean, and not in that fake way like James.
I practice writing with my left hand just in case anything happens to the right one.
It feels like I haven't slept for days. Maybe I haven't. How do you even know if it's a dream of sleep? I don't recall dreaming sleep last night. I remember kicking at a black squirrel as it tried to climb my leg. I remember a second dream that had me waking (waking?) to this reality in a confused state. Things are changing in dream reality. I'm not sure exactly what, but I can feel that it's different.
Was at the bank today. Doug was there. Karen was there. She works afternoons now. Doug asked if he could pay off a bill there. She tells him yes, and asks, "How would you like to pay?"
"You have to pay for it, so how do you want to pay? Cash, VISA?"
Doug looks at Karen and responds, "I understood the question."
Karen finally looks up at him, for the first time looking at the person she is dealing with. She is still waiting for an answer.
She is making a face.
"Can't you just take it out of my account?" He asks.
"I need a check to do that."
"I don't have a check with me."
Karen gives Doug a look, as if Doug is a moron.
Doug does not feel like a moron.
Doug thinks Karen is the moron.
Finally Karen sighs. "I can print you out a check."
Karen goes off to print off a check, thinking about how stupid Doug is.
Doug is waiting for Karen, thinking that the person behind him must understand how stupid Karen is, and that the wait is due to Karen.
This is not Doug's fault.
Karen is the fucking idiot.
Karen is the one who should be found in pieces scattered along some field.
Doug is the sort of guy who can do this favor for the world.
Dealing with humans can ruin anyone's day.
"How does this make you feel?"
"That's the thing, I don't feel any of it anymore."
Imagine if they found all my books. They could piece it all together. They'd know everything, and miss the whole point. It's amazing how humans can miss the point. The human race is like that person you can never joke with because they take everything severely seriously. Like that guy who just couldn't win that game and hated his office worker. It's EXACTLY like that. It's why green bankbooks get burnt on Tuesdays.
If James were here he'd say something to 'lighten things up'.
Fuck being positive.
The planet is a nightmare.
I'm afraid to wake up.
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