You clean off your bloody ass in the jug of water beside the altar. You leave the clearing and continue through the jungle. You finally stumble out of the jungle into a small village. The people see you and hide in their huts. One of them notices your ass and yells something in another language.
Everyone comes out of their huts and stares at you. You become frigtened and realize you have no pants or underwear on. You are overcome with terror and shit yourself. Your shit slowly slides down the back of your legs and onto the ground. The village people look horrified. They begin to whisper.
Eventually they take you in and you become their leader. When neighboring tribes visit, you shit yourself in front of them, which somehow shows them your bravery. You ask them eventually about the lap dancing sock monkey, and they bring you a monkey and drop it in your lap. The wounds from the monkey don't heal quite like they should and become infected. You die slowly and painfully. Too bad for you.