Hollywood, my arse and kissing it.
Mar/21/06 - by George -

I haven't submitted a post on here for some time, so I figured now was the time to do it.

I am pissed off with Hollywood. I love the mainstream pap that the city churns out, don't get me wrong, I truly am a bitch to them, however I feel it's time to reveal the double standards I'm sure you have discovered yourselves.

The thing is that Americans are fat. Yep, you travel west from here long enough and the buildings do indeed get bigger. This is to accommodate the collective arses of people who are literally "Fat cats". Americans have the "Supersize me" lifestyle, they want EVERYTHING to be huge, except for their small and inoffensive penises (nice Americans excluded, all four of them). The point of this paragraph is to say that pretty much everyone in America would bounce if they fell off the Empire State. (Hah, fucking Empire, oh where's that?!? Oh wait, you don't HAVE one America! HAH at least we have the Falkland Isles).

What does this have to do with Hollywood? America preaches to it's people that it's okay to be look how you want to look, because you can shoot any bastard that pisses you off, it's true, American judges are stupid. However Hollywood. Hollywood. DAMN HOLLYWOOD. There is a double standard in the United States ladies and Gentlemen, the standard is this:

IT'S OKAY TO BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE UNLESS

  • You're fat (Most kids movies take the piss out of fat people)
  • You wear glasses (All geeks wear glasses in Hollywood movies)
  • You're not American (Oh Saving Private Ryan… Where were the allies?)
  • You're Jewish (Barbara Streisand, just EW)
  • You're homosexual (Excluding Brokeback, gays are used as a humour device)
  • You're not Christian (List way to long to mention)
  • You have a Vagina (mmm objectification)
  • You're Black (Unless It's a Spike Lee film, then you turn it around)
  • You're English (ALL Hollywood Villains are English, fuck you all! We saved your Ass in… the shower… at a UN conference)

To further illustrate my point I'm going to give a pessimistic short review of the films showing at the Cinema that I work in:

  • Big Momma's House 2 - Fat black guy made to look stupid. Dresses as woman for added homosexual undertones.
  • Chicken Little 3D - A pig in this film gets the shit ripped into him the whole film for being fat, and even when he's trying to look cool he's a bumbling idiot.
  • Date Movie - Alyson Hannigan couldn't get a date when she was fat, then she goes to a BLACK MIDGET (Laughed at for his size) to get "Pimped out" and thus she can have any man she wants.
  • Syriana - Oh look, I'm George Clooney, I'm so cool, I hate the president and can look really badass for making a film about how gay the government is, blah blah blah, I suck the penis, blah blah blah. Yes, this film is trying to be revolutionary, but fuck it; it's a propaganda flick, fuck it in its hairy bottom.
  • The Pink Panther - Oh look, aren't French people gay. WE DISCOVERED THAT YOU BASTARDS.
  • The Weatherman - Nick Cage doesn't have a real job, mainly because he doesn't kill anything. Oh isn't life hard when you're rich?
  • The World's Fastest Indian - So Anthony Hopkins ISN'T allowed to use his ethnic welsh accent EVER because they sound like retards? Okay, fair play on that.
  • V for Vendetta - I can't fault a faultless movie.
  • Walk The Line - YOU CAN MAKE IT! If you're American.

Yeah sure my argument is like a bad cake - half baked - but you see where I'm coming from? They're TRYING to make you be something you're not; they're telling you that YOU SUCK. Even saying that America is a good country, not even one percent of their country reaches into the highly set parameters of what is acceptable.

Hollywood may produce some amazing films, but for the love of god, read between the lines before you get trapped.

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