Mon July 19
Answered by JCP

(I am verry horney)What if homosexual kittens took over the world and enslaved us?-BoB_D_Mouse
Well if they were homosexual kittens, then eventually their race would die out unless they could figure out something with the heterosexual kittens to supply them with more. Either way, cats will indeed take over the planet, regardless of their sexual preference.

where have the questions of yester year gone? i was wanting to return and look up the answers of my former humurous glory and revel in it.. Ice Pick Abortions
You are thinking of the Ask DC section which is still located here.

I was playing with my rat, or atleast trying to. Anyway, so I got distracted by something and forgot to close the cage. So I spent about 2 hours looking for him, but I couldn't find him. What should I do? -Skittles
Start a covert operation to continue searching, (so no one else finds out that lives there and freaks out), and be sure to set out some food where you can see it and catch it if it returns. If that fails, buy a cat.

hi jcp how r u? when you are an elephant why do your ears itch?thathinguywhois
I am alright today actually, even though it's a Monday. Although you are able to become an elephant, I have not done this. I become other types of animals, and when I am these animals, their hind legs reach up enough for me scratch any itchy ears I may have. What I suggest to you is to find a tree (either before or after you become an elephant) and when your ears start to itch, go to that tree and rub your head against it.

Are you aware of the ECHELON global electronic spy network? Your next e-mail if included with government red listed "Key words" you could be privelged with there invasion of privacy... I frankly am expanding my vocabulary and are preaching extensive rants about my hatred for americans and the sweet bomb i got brewing in my my bro Kahjah Lesteins Jbud Rosach Basement, I expect a visitation once the people I send these e-mails to stop responding "Wtf? What are you talking bout?!Lol.", Once they are on board then nothing can outmatch my prank... more so Art to me._DelaFlesh_
I'm slightly aware of it, however I do not live in the US, and nor am I a US citizen in any way, so I am hoping that my government doesn't do that sort of nonsense. Keep sending those emails.

Why doesnt somebody think up the idea of making ´´never ending taste´´ chewing gum instead of regular crap that looses its taste after about 2 chews? People (like us students) need it for those fucking long exams they make us do! - The Spanking Mistress
They've come up with it, but why would they do that when they can make stuff to lose it flavor and force you to consume another piece? Also, they don't want to encourage people to chomp on it for weeks on end.

what are your suggestions for a summer activity that involves no work yet is rewarding and not an sport?
Drawing, reading, drinking, throwing stuff at people, singing, and teaching people how to read.

Who in their right mind would name their child "Lance"? - ferretchick
Anyone who is breeding isn't in their right mind, so you can't expect good names either.

what do baby garter snakes eat
Salad, bacon and ranch dressing. Sounds odd but it's true.

How big should fartmonkey owe me for forcing me on a mall excursion with two fellows from her church, one who goes by the name of 'Lance' and whom is younger than me? I think a lot, like an appendige or something but I'd like an expert opinion.... - ferretchick
She owes you 10 hours a week of her time for the next six weeks, as well as free beverages of your choice for a month.

Have you tried the moolattes at Dairy queen yet? :=)
No I haven't, are you offering to buy me one? Just let me put my shoes on and we'll go.

hey just out of curiosity, are you a lesbian? ~seamonkey
No I'm not. I don't usually get along with other chicks very well, certainly not enough to fuck them.

Wed July 28
Answered by JCP

I asked the question about the moolattes on the july 19th questions, I can get you a half price one, how about that? what kind would you like? -Hufflebunny
I'd be happy if it's not a chocolate type. What type do you recommend?

Hey, what does JCP stand for ?
My initials mostly.

When they say that some article of clothing is "one size fits all", does that mean I can sue them for false advertising if me and,say, 28 other people cannot all fit into it at once? FartMonkey
You would think that it's possible, but when you go to complain, they bury you in paperwork and then light that paperwork on fire. I've heard of it happening to several people and they gave up the fight pretty quick. Another person I knew decided to pursue it and each month her parents get one of her limbs mailed to them. It's a warning to all others, so don't say I didn't pass it along.

If them smiley faces keep stareing at me then can i shoot them?
Use the sniper rifle.

who would win in a garden war the gnomes or the pink flimgos with their pointy sticks tink
The gnomes. Those stupid pink pieces of shit have nothing.

My belly button ring is all crusty and red, do you think its a bad thing? -Hufflebunny
I think it's time to take it out and let it heal. Those things get nasty quick, and come on, wouldn't an eyebrow ring be so much better?

do u remember rainbow the tv show? how xtreme is zippy!?! *sultanas*
No I don't, and I think you're just making it up to see if I will agree so you can make fun of me. I'm on to you and your sad little plots, so just stop it already.

if my neibour has a pet ground hog which just digs big holes,and moves into my yard,my felling is to murder the cute furry beastie, well he did it but he ducts in his tunnels,thought about gasoline but i might blow up both houses,now is a good time for a sane idea,how about a carbondioxied exstintuser,i spell how i fell,what should do,do u have a sane idea,im goin insane!!
You call animal control on him and they hopefully do something about it. You can barely type, much less be allowed to touch gasoline. In fact, get someone else to dial the phone for you, and have them explain it to animal control. Also, START TAKING YOUR PILLS AGAIN.

marry me
Stop it Herbert! I've warned you already.

How do I cure the guinea pig plague? Its killing all my Sims!! Biffo35
You put up the guinea pig poster from what I remember.

If u Were a mexican wrestler what would your name be?thathinguywhois
Monstruo Insano, and I'd rip off Bender from Futurama and have my slogan as "Kill all humans." Don't think I'd be wearing some skimpy outfit either you sick freak. I'll be wearing a full body armored suit so I can kick some ass and still take a few bullets.

It's pretty hot here, but I was reading about how cold it is in Europe right now. Weren't some countries in Europe having a crazy heat wave last year at about this time? What's going on here? McDiablo
It was indeed insanely hot for awhile, that really did suck a lot! At least we don't have fires here in Ontario like you over in BC. If you need somewhere to stay to hide from it, the sock monkeys here said they'd be happy to share their beds with you and Emerald. As for what's going on with the weather, I have no idea! Now it's cold, and feels like fall.

What caused my head and nose to suddenly get stuffed up for four days? McDiablo
Evil fire spirits. The only way to combat them is to scream at them incoherently (which will probably end up with you being drugged into submission before your nose clears up) or you can wear a lot of red, as that seems to scare them off.

My friends and I went to a 7-11 in a different city and this one had two Pepsi Slurpee dispensers. Why's that? (Please note that I enjoy Coke more than Pepsi and yet they only had one Coke dispenser.) McDiablo
I would assume that they decide on this due to demand. What you need to think about is if that is the sort of place you want to return to? Obviously those around there are not into the same things you are, mainly Coke sluprees, so who knows what other sort of strange things these people might be into? I'd steer clear of the whole area and hold your Coke slurpee tight.

My sloth is currently working on producing a Cirque de Sloth tour. He's hoping to travel the world performing and raising money to eradicate pumas. Would your sock monkeys like to join the troop? Sloth is especially seeking out contortionists and acrobats.
The sock monkeys say that they don't trust Sloths, but then they laugh and start yelling "Sloth! Sloth! Sloth!" for hours. I'm not sure what the deal is with that, but there you go. Good luck on your tour!

What would it be like if internet became some virtual reality world, and when you surf the internet, you really "surf" it? And what would this place be like? -TommyTheCat-
It'd be plastered with ads until we all went mad and unplugged again. Ok, maybe not, but there would indeed be a lot of ads, of that we can be sure. As for walking around and such, there are already many different pieces of software that let you do that. I would think that within the next 10 years, that this will be a more common way of accessing the internet, if connection speeds can keep up with it. Here is one of the places that do this already.

Do you have to be crazy to run this site?
On most days, I'd have to say more insane then crazy.

I lost my mind, can you help me find it?
What do I get if I do? Last time all you gave me were some melted gummy bears and a piece of wool. That sucked a lot, so I want better stuff this time.

hi there jcp...i was wondering....what is your favorite movie and why? mine's donnie darko.-lafemmecinema
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is perhaps my favorite at the moment. It's hilarious to watch!

what would happen if a car sprouted arms and slapped you?
After getting over the shock of being slapped, I'd try to slap it back, and once I hurt my hand, I'd run away, hoping that it didn't follow me and run me down 'Grand Theft Auto' style.

why are you a sock monkey?
I'm not. I'm a human. Scary but true.

did dc walk into a lamp post while stalking you?
Most likely. He's not the smartest sock monkey ever.

Can you ask DC if he fancies going out for a meal with me?
No. You can buy one for me though.

how to tell if a hemit crab is a boy or a girl
I have no idea. I would imagine that you could easily find this answer by searching with Google.

do chickens FART? and what is th point of that thing under their necks Plankster
Not being a fan of chickens, I have no idea if they fart. I wouldn't want to smell it, that's for sure. As for that hunk of crap under their chins, I once again have no idea. You need to find yourself a chicken and ask it directly.

If gravity suddenly reversed and you started floating up and up and up and there was nothing you could grab onto, how fast do you think it would take you to get to the part where you are burned to a small cinder by the earth's atmosphere? Is this really what "meteors" are anyway? FartMonkey
I'm not even sure where to begin on this one. I guess I'll go with the non-serious answer, as I don't feel like confirming things that would truly happen using science. So I'd say that I'd get far enough up to think "Oh shit, I'm going to die soon, but damn, Earth sure looks cool from up here." As for meteors, here is information on them.

Why do we have every imaginable kind of batteries, but every time I need a certain kind I can't find any of those? FartMonkey
Mostly to make you go mad with frustration! That's right, everyone is plotting against you, even the invisible people you can't see because they're invisible.

Will my little crappy camera ever take a decent photograph of my scribblings for all to see? FartMonkey
No. You'll need to eventually borrow or buy a better one to use, or invest in a scanner for your computer.

Any suggestions as for what to do with my crappy old broken cd player? I was planning to drop it off the 2nd floor balcony at my school onto the cement below, but I just wanted to see if you could come up with anything better. FartMonkey
Skip it across concrete to see it tear apart, and then drop it off the 2nd floor. That's all I've got.

If I take my new, awesome, and expensive guitar to school, will it get stolen? If it does, how many people/buildings should I kill/burn down? FartMonkey
Do NOT take it to school. Seriously. You'll save yourself a lot of tears.

Why is there no award counts for the what-if's?-yo udoy ourj ob
No idea. Perhaps the time hasn't been taken to do them yet? Are you offering?

Why am I half English and half Flying Cabbage? Kali.
Full moon. You already knew that, but there you go, now it's confirmed. I hope you feel better now and can embrace the flying cabbage part of you that you've been denying for so long.

 

Tues August 3
Answered by JCP

What If you snuck out one night and you left your window open and when you got back home there was a homeless bum in your bed?
That's what you'd get for leaving the window open and sneaking away. It happens all the time and next time you will remember to close the window properly.

Why do most people have 10 toes and 10 fingers and Sock Monkeys dont have anything? Does that mean Humans are more powerful or that they just use them for no reason and should just cut them all off?
Each creature is different somehow. All humans are different from each other, so not all have 10 fingers and toes. It doesn't mean anything about how powerful they are or anything.

how crazy can one person be?
They can be completely crazy and that's the craziest they can be.

Please E-mail with a - that is to: <stupid email address removed> Cause I really don't care to go back and see what you may have answered to this following question not ever even then nor after the future... What the hell do you think about this? If a dog goes out to become all painted in my window and the planet is really really really as real as the real road people around is driving on and they all get eaten by a huge alligator hiding down there in that ditch just biting the side lanes out of orbit as u drive around in your shoes with a big satellite floating above you outside whatever you see up there and that is why stuff really really really is bad for this dog just wanted to know what u or whatever thinks then...?
You want me to EMAIL you your answer? I don't think so. If you're too lazy to come back then I'm too lazy to read or answer your shit question.

Our family just bought Brand New garbage cans. How do you suggest we throw out the old ones?
You don't! You cut them up and make them into 'modern art'. You'll make millions if you do it right.

If Identical girls were born, when they're older, would they get their periods around the same time?
I have no idea. Why the hell are you thinking about that anyway?

am i insane
Not today.

Will you go to my website? (geocities website address removed) Kali.
Why should I? You think that by posting it here that you can somehow get people to visit? Not even a description of why I should actually visit? I don't think so. You better not be one of those people who beg for us to link to you when you haven't even bothered to link to us. The other day I even had to write a livejournal user and tell them to remove links to graphics on our website. I mean, it's not like I haven't plastered the whole downloads area with instructions or anything. Why can't people read?

My grandmother once tried describing my grandfather's testicles to me. Her analogy was, and I quote, " Like two watermellons in a tube sock " . I don't know where the conversation was headed, but how does one respond to such ? - Me ( the orginal one that like left for a really long time and just recently came back kinda, fuck any of u who may have used my name while i was gone . )
You run screaming from the room and use it as an excuse to go completely insane.

is there nekkid simes
Yes. There are skins you can download that are of them naked (I'm sure you feel silly for typing it wrong) as well as there being a patch you can install that will remove the blurs when they go to the bathroom or go into the hot tub.

whyhdo squirells have tails
They didn't like having a third leg so it evolved into a tail.

Hey, is it that when a chick sucky my wang, it feels good, but it doesn't feel as good when she sucks anything else. If you think about it, it's just another part of your body, but why is it so damb special? - me
Different parts of the body are sensitive to different things. Blah blah, nerve endings, blah blah, don't be such a dumbass, you know that sexual organs are obviously more sensitive to being sucked on. If that's too much information for you, then consult Google/Yahoo for a better answer

Tues August 10
Answered by JCP

Is it hard to learn how to play a guitar, does it take a really long time?
It takes about 2 weeks, if you are taught properly. Ok, so I'm full of shit, but I don't play guitar and it sounded good. It's like any other skill, it takes awhile to develop it properly. Practice every day, and ignore anyone who says that you suck a LOT. They're just jealous.

Why does chocolate turns white when it gets old? McDiablo
Does it? I rarely have chocolate, and when I do, its the minty kind and I eat it all up. I don't know why it turns white, but maybe it's a type of mold? It makes you wonder if white chocolate is just old chocolate.

Got anything stuck in your teeth? McDiablo
Not at the moment. I'm just about to eat though, so perhaps I'll have something in them later to show you.

What's with this lack of dessert items in my household? McDiablo
Your family has lost their faith in desserts. It's now up to you to re-inspire them. Find a local pastry shop that has some nice desserts and bring them home for the family. After that, they'll start to buy more. If not, move out and never again will you have to share desserts with those ungrateful people.

On the What ifs or questionaire, if we don't fill in one of the text spaces because We don't have an insane answer, will you just delete it, or post the 2 that we did answer? -Hufflebunny
I post the two that you did answer, as long as you included your nickname! Some people also put 'No answer' in there and I remove that as well.

Every year, at the very start or august, Stores put out Back-to-school Flyers. Like fuck off, we have another month of summer left, These flyers remind me (and probably alot of others..) of going back to school and makes the last month of summer suck. Do you agree that putting these flyers out be illegal? -Hufflebunny
What they're trying to do is give parents a reason to drag their kids to the mall and suck up a perfectly good day of summer by trying on clothes. While you're there, those stupid people who are ALWAYS shopping will get in your way and drag the day out longer. Starting in September, it will be xmas displays that start getting dragged out and jammed down your throat.

what if we didnt have noses?
Well, our sense of taste would be completely different and we'd all have to chew with our mouths open so we can still breathe as we eat. People who like to pick their noses would be forced to pick their ears, teeth and ass. You could also easily kill someone by covering their mouth if we had no noses, unless we had some sort of 'blow hole'.

where would be without our feet?
Crawling around with bloody elbows, and those foot fetish freaks (yes I mean YOU Herbert) would have to find something else sick to fondle.

Why was this page made.
Well it's sort of useless to have an 'ask an insane question' form without having an answer page.

Why do birds suddenly appear whenever you are near?
Birds are stalking me. It's scary actually. They chirp and caw at me all day, then smash into the windows at night so I can't sleep.

what month comes after august ? -me
September, and the reason you didn't know that was due to your deep rooted denial over all things September.

Why did Slipknot decide to sell out and soften up their music to appeal to the masses ? They used to be all like, " FUCK the radio " and all that, and then a year later you hear him singing with a completely different sound ( I mean singing like he sang in Stone sour, if I wanted to hear you sing, i'd buy the Stonesour album, get back to screamn' B****) . Their masks have changed, their message has changed, and their new album sucked. Now when I go back to school, everyone is going to be all dark and sad , and soprtn' cheap ,fake , slipklnot gear from hot topic and calling themselfs " maggots ". I own their first two albums, and they were great, they had insane concerts, fans out the ass, tallented and entertaining music,and they were rolln' in cash, why did they chose this course of action ? Like they were always sayn' " We wouldn't let our money get to our heads, "did they lie ? - me
They lied, but didn't mean to when they first said those things. It happens all too often, and the only way to fight back is to mail them tons of letters telling them they suck and how much they sold out. If you send enough of them, they will snap out of it, and write you a thank you album with cool music.

Where has the results of july been hiding?-T
If I told you then they'd be mad.

jcp, What wildflowers or weeds do you hate ?thathinguywhois
I hate all types of plants that have flowers. If it's just a plant that is leaves and no blossoms/flowers, then I'm happy. Flowers stink!

Is RoM really an alien? ~ Flubble
You're not Flubble, your Mr Flibbles. That gingham dress gives it away every time. Take your hex vision elsewhere, we don't need your sort of insanity around her.

Would you say its Pou-Tin or Pou-Teen? -Hufflebunny
Hmmm, I've heard both. I tend to say it closer to Pou-tin then pou-teen.

If you sent a used port-o-poty into space, would all the shit and things start floating around inside of it ? -me
Of course. If it fell back down to earth, then it would burst into flames and shower us with flaming shit too. Ok, so you'd need a rather large port-o-potty filled with tons of shit in order for some of it to make it back to Earth through the atmosphere, but it'd be funny to see.

When you hear a song from a movie, like My Heart Will Go On, from Titanic, does it make you want to watch the movie its from? -Hufflebunny
Uh, not that movie no. If anything, it'd make me want to puke everywhere. As for other songs from movies, yes, sometimes it does make me want to watch the movie. A song from Fight Club is on right now and I wouldn't mind watching that movie.

will i ever see eastenders again
Is that a show? If so, then yes, you will see it again, but not the way you think.

It's August 8th, 3:15 am and it is now my birthday. I am 19 years old and I would like a birthday gift. What did you buy me?
Same thing you got me for mine, do you like it?

what with the poor state of the economy and all, do unicorns exist?
Not anymore. They were phased out awhile ago. Basically there was a war between them and the evil horses and the horses won because they're smarter. Never underestimate a horse, and never pull on it's tail or ears.

Not many people are aware that groundhogs and woodchucks are the same thing. Even few people are aware of what they actually are. Considering the phrase "groundhog day" and the tongue twister concerning woodchucks, why is it that they remain such a mystery to so many people?
Just using their brain is a mystery to most people, so anything like this is just too much for the average person. You're obviously smarter than most of them since you're here, so I suggest you gather up all the groundhogs/woodchucks and bury them in the ocean floor so we don't have to worry about it. That, or you make up tshirts that say "GROUNDHOGS = HEDGEHOGS"

Why do you run this website?
No reason. I just do. Now send me money to thank me for it.

What is pk porn?
I don't know, and I'm not looking it up for you either.

I think I have legs. I can see them, feel them and can even stand up most of the time. Funnily enough, everyone else can also see my legs and even feel them too, if I let them. I am still not convinced my legs actually exist. Is this all a sign of a collective hallucination, or has a new and particularly virulent form of phantom limb syndrome evolved? - Fish
All I can think about now is my own legs. What if they really are just collective hallucinations?! Then again, it might just be best to just let the hallucinations continue to trick us so we can keep using the legs for awhile. I'm just not sure! I'm going to get a wheelchair and keep it around just in case the hallucination ever fades.

Why is the world round and not flat?
It's flat in areas, but overall, it prefers to be round as it makes it easier to whip around in space and around the sun. Besides almost all other planets are round, and Earth wouldn't want to be the boring old flat one that no one likes

 

Tues August 19
Answered by JCP

if i paint my baldhead with a metallic paint, can i refelct microwaves this way?
Yes, but only if you use the high-gloss type.

Our house is the seventh one down on our street. It seems that cars ALWAYS choose our driveway when they want to turn around. Can't they look ahead and see that our road is, in fact, a no through road? There's two cul-de-sacs on our street that go around in a circle. So WHY do they always choose our driveway to turn around in? McDiablo
That shows you how long it takes the average person to realize that they're on the wrong street, or, the amount they feel is 'safe' for turning around. Some people don't have the whole backing up or turning around maneuvers quite yet, so doing so is a big deal. They want to stay away from intersections, hills and any other area they feel is too 'busy' for them to safely turn around in. Other people are just slow and it takes them 6 driveways to realize they need to turn around and do so in the 7th, being yours.

My mom has been watching "Trading Spouses" lately. She claims it's a guilty pleasure. I watched a bit of the show and think it's lame. Why doesn't my mom think so? McDiablo
Your mom needs a slap in the back of the head. Ask her if being a mom is just a job where people can be substituted for each other, or if being a mom is about deciding to bring children into their lives and love them, as well as be an equal in a marriage.That whole show is absolute bullshit and makes me sick. Each time she's watching it, do anything to distract and annoy her.

Which celebrity, to you, has used up their 15 minutes/seconds of fame (not including reality TV, er, 'stars')? McDiablo
All of them really, I can't even decide on just one. Basically anyone who has been on the cover of any of those stupid magazines that are near checkouts. Sometimes I accidentally look at the covers and see a plethora of stupid faces and retarded headlines staring back at me.

hmm okay, i have a gf...named kat..the thing is..i like this other girl ashley. i love kat, but we never do ne sex stuff..and i also love ashley and we always do sex stuff. the thing is...i cant imagine breakin up wit kat..so should i just cheat or what? -ahhhh HELP
I think you should use birth control at the very least, as we don't need you breeding. As for the rest of the crap, well you ARE cheating on kat, so break up with her already you cheating loser.

why do people ridicule cows so much? Everytime someone drives by cows they make a feeble attemt at a "moo" and they laugh at those poor cows. Someday those cows will get out of that fence and take their revenge on those who laughed and ridiculed them oh so many times. -Hufflebunny
It's due to years of programming by parents who teach their kids to look out the windows and make noises at things. From little on, those kids learn to do this to the cows, thus causing them to go mad. People mooing at cows is where mad cow disease came from. Then again, some people just want to BE cows. That's why they do what the TV tells them, and other silly things. They figure that cows look so happy just standing out there not really thinking, that life must be pretty good for them, and hey, why can't it be good for them too? So they moo in the hopes that someone will come along and tell them what to do and think for awhile until they're led off to be butchered.

How come I only think to ask a question right after you answer a bunch, meaning I'll have to wait the whole time till whenever you answer them next? FartMonkey
The alter personality that you're not aware of is doing this to you. It's also why a few other things happen to you like when you wake up and your hands are stained with blood, yet you don't remember what its from. It's also why, when reading old stuff on this site, that you don't remember writing some of the stuff that has your name on it.

It's been freaky windy lately. But sorta only in bursts. I'll look out and the trees are all blowin around and I'll say hey everybody look maybe there'll be a storm, and then when they go look it's not windy anymore. Why is that? Probably just to spite me. There are also currently huge black clouds around. Should I get my hopes up that it will rain? FartMonkey
It's been doing that to me too, do you live nearby?

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately. You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it. Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men. And here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
Color. You can always bring the photo into a computer and change it to black and white if needed.

Which do you think is worse, chemistry or physics? I'm in physics now because I hated chemistry last year. A lot of people are taking chemistry again though..wtf is wrong with them? Even if they both suck then you may as well come out of highschool able to hate a broader range of science I figure.. FartMonkey
I would take physics over chemistry any day. Then again, I like that stuff. If you don't like it, then don't take it unless you HAVE to.

Whenever people have headaches that's all they think about and they mope and go Oh man! I have a headache! But when they feel fine they almost never go Whoa! I feel good today! People suck. Ungrateful jerks. Care to share any views? I don't really even care if they're related to this subject. FartMonkey
Here is my view on meeting people in real life that you chat to online: Safety first. Meet in a public place and make sure that friends/family know who you are meeting, where, and everything else. If you can't tell people that, then there is something wrong, and you shouldn't be meeting anyone. (Unless you're the type who is into having body parts cut up by a psycho, and in that case, give me a call sometime and we'll meet.)

Dont you think that it would be quite humorous if a rather large fellow with large man-bosoms entered a wet T-shirt contest. MR. NATE
Yes I do actually. Is that your plan for the weekend? If so, tell me and I'll come cheer you on.

Why do people keep looking at me like i'm a freak? Kali
Most people don't keep birds on their heads. So, they stare.

I like playing with insects are you in love with praying manti? (i heard that you were and it was because you believe they were praying to you)Thathinguywhois
You heard wrong, and you can tell those lying squirrels to just shut the hell up or I'll stomp on all their nuts.

Can you explain this whole "PWNED" and "OWNED" Concept to me? I don't get it at all -Hufflebunny
PWNED? Is that a misspelling of the word Pawned? I'm not sure what you're talking about either, if you gave me a bit more info then perhaps I could make something up.

Why did Kamakaze pilots wear helmets? Pall
To hide their bad haircuts.

what if the sun, refused refused to shine
It'd go dark and laugh as life on Earth died. It would take us 8 minutes for us to notice that it went out though.

what if ALL the mountains FELL IN THE SEA???!!!!!!???
The sea level would ride and more land would be put under water. Then we could all build elaborate racing boats and have grand races.

WHAT IF ALL THE HIPPIES CUT OFF THEIR HAIR?
Well some do go get it cut every few months to keep it good, and as for the rest, well I guess they'd have shorter hair. Just because you are a hippy does not mean you have to grow your hair long, and having long hair does not make you a hippy.

you said all that so i'd have to MASH ANOTHER BUTTON??!!!!!!! no wonder you"hidin,,, out"yes i did read the whole thing
Is it so hard to just come up with something coherent?

where's my t shirt? yes i read th whole thing
What are you on about? I know, how about you not give me your name or anything to indicate what the hell you're talking about or who you are, that way, I don't have to actually answer your questions.

What is in your pocket right now? -Hufflebunny
Nothing, they're all empty today! Yesterday I had money in my pocket.

Given that the laws of gravity are none existent. Given that our corporial time is none existent and you existed where all parallel universes colide into one. Given thatyou are all knowledgable and know the meaning of life, what toppings do you like on your pizza? :P
I like cheese the best on my pizza. After that, I like mushrooms, and sometimes I will agree to other toppings that are non-meat. One thing I can not stand on pizza are olives.

What do you think about the meaning of life? what do you think it is? Have you ever thought that you were the only true person on this pathetic world and everyone else was pre-programmed to amuse and entertain you? if this whole world were like the trueman show and as the above question, would you really ask the meaning of life? what would you ask god if that were the case?
I don't believe in a god, so that takes care of that question. The point of life is to live it and then die. Whatever meaning you get from it is your own. If everyone else is preprogrammed to amuse and entertain me, they are doing a piss-poor job of it and I demand they all be fired.

If your cell phone exploded inside your pocket and the metal and plastic started to melt rapidly inside your pocket, would you say to yourself "Shit! That just ruined my new jeans!" or, "Oh my god, it burns! It buuuurns!"
I do not have a cell phone, nor do I want or need one. Nice try! I know you're the person who was sending me emails about the 'low low rates' but I told you NO! I refuse to buy your exploding cell phones, no matter how cool they sound.

Y Is It Called A Blow Job If U Dont Blow? Sapphire
Only dumb people call them that. Smart people call it 'sucking off' someone. Then again, blow job sounds a bit better somehow, even if it is technically wrong.

What if you had a monkey named Spank that was a transexual and drunk with 4 boobs and 2 penises and 2 viginas?
Well I guess I'd have a monkey named Spank who would steal and stretch out my clothing with it's tits and such. It could also go fuck itself which might be interesting to watch once or twice.

what if we lived in a world of peace and happiness and all the squirrels made love with the flowers and bees and we had flowering squirrrel bees?thathinguywhois
I'd be very angry, thus ruining the peace and happiness.

Why do my credit card bills keep on rising? TY
Well it's not from buying ME stuff that I want, it's from being greedy and buying yourself stuff.

With regards to the Insane Postcard Contest....how sad is it that I'd rather win the insane envelope more than the Sock Monkey Porn Star T-shirt? McDiablo
Oh, so you don't LIKE the shirts? I see. How rude! And hey, write on the postcard that you don't want the shirt and you might win the envelope instead!

What new slang word has wormed its way into your vocabulary recently? McDiablo
Hmm, I do have a new phrase, but not a new word. The phrase is "I'll gut you like a fish and dance in your blood."

Do you think pants are over-rated? McDiablo
Oh yes, jeans are the way of the future. Pants are OUT.

If ferrets fought in a big enough pack they vould probably be able tokill a bear. How many ferrets do you reckon that would take?- CJ
At least 300. I know next to nothing about ferrets, so maybe they are more dangerous then I think and less of them would be needed, but bears are pretty nasty when angry.

I had a dream last night where spiderman jumped through my window and turned into Johnny Depp. Then Johnny Depp kissed me and turned into Ronald Mcdonald. Ronald Mcdonald killed me and then I woke up. Why did I wake up? Kali
You woke up due to your mind being angry at having some idiot corporate tool to sell kids crap show up in your dreams. Be glad you didn't wake up screaming with a Happy Meal prize jammed up your ass. I'd suggest you stay away from the TV and driving by Mcdonalds for awhile.

Could you share with us some of your favorite techniques for culltivating and serving fine hatred? --Enfante Terrible
Keep journals of your hate. Each day add something new, and go over past hates. This allows you to keep current, and allow you hate a wide spectrum of things. If that doesn't help you enough, turn on the tv and watch a 'reality' show. If that doesn't help refine your hatred for others, nothing will.

When I stroke the grass in my nice back garden during lunchtime, the blades flick back after my fingers has finished with them...But for some reason, when I do this in the night, I can't see a thing so have no idea if this still happens. I took a torch out the other night but the batteries went flat, so still no luck. Help?
Get new batteries, or steal some from something else in the house that has them. You could also get a candle, but I can't be sure that you're allowed near fire. I'll just tell you that it still does it at night and you'll believe me. That makes it easier.

AAAAAAH! DC is back. I have been unable to get online for way too long. I am deprived of the Insane Domain. Did you miss me? - bluemonkeyfearer
DC was back, but seems to be offline again. I get emails every once in a while complaining of bad internet connections and such, but I guess that's the way it is when you're on the run from those who are trying to lock you up. Also, I have a feeling that Herbert is trying to turn him in, so I don't want to reveal too much about DC.

Why do all those pictures of cheese depict cheeses with the swiss-like holes in them? Why don't they make pics of cheese without the holes??? -bluemonkeyfearer
Without those holes, many people would refuse to believe that it's Swiss cheese at all until the holes were put back in. As for digging holes in non-Swiss cheese just for the sake of pretending it's Swiss, well that's just wrong and those people should be prosecuted for crimes against cheese.

Wed August 25
Answered by JCP

What's your direct feeling about television as a whole entity? I know thats vauge but to percieve television use to our advantage instead of the companies and money milking... wouldn't it arouse the thought process even though its tough to be objective and ignore its daily trash cycle of reality shows with no point and bloody advertisments that make me go balistic. It seems like a pretty bright invention although... lots of pictures getting shown at such a rapid pace that it fools the person into thinking they are actually living... brillance. Excellent world domination opertunity as the movie industries reciprocates over and over... But excusing the curruption and "dull entartainments", there has to be some good... some good... except for fakely ignoring people and saying every bloody show is my favorite program to get out of chores or annoying outtings ... to just be plain lazy. -manoman
As a whole? Hmm. Well it could be used for more good then it is already, that is for damned sure. Most of the shit on TV is just there to distract people from having lives of their own. I mean, there will always be an amount of shit on TV, but it doesn't have to be 95% shit. There are many interesting channels out there, but I don't want to have to pay to get the good ones along with all the shit ones like FOX. I just want the channels I like and that's ALL, but oh no, they want to force the bullshit ones down our throats too. So I guess TV is like everything else, it could be good but too many people abuse it and fill it with shit.

Well, I tend to speak without previously thinking of the reporcussions...what i say is prettty much of a negative nature and ... well... how do you feel about people self amusing all the time? I do it alot, make jokes I laugh at... and no one else gets but I dont seem to mind and I'm not a conceited person... I tend to have a low self-esteem and negative warped self-perception, i dont masturbate even... thats deprevation exspecially not being sexual active for a long period of time. I just find my jokes becoming more and more unattentive to others and how they would be entartained... blasphemy... also how do you feel buying someone for there forgiveness, well, more specifically a t-shirt so they'd feel a little better about accepting me back in there life after i pretty much told them off... and belittled there life. -POpGarGleSwooP
I laugh at my own jokes, but then again, I spend too much time alone. You don't masturbate? Maybe you should try that a few times and you'd loosen up a bit. Buying a shirt might help you out, make sure you say sorry to their face if you actually mean it. Other than that, get used to being alone, or try to be a bit nicer to a few people you decide to have as friends. You have to give back at some point, or else you suck a lot for being a selfish friend. You can buy me stuff too if you want.

Do you ever secretly, or perhaps openly, want to hurt Mzebonga? FartMonkey
Of course I do. I even email him directly and tell him of my plans. When he was here I even tried to kill him a few times, but decided against it, as who would I annoy then?

The seat of my new chair tilts if you sit on the very edge of it, but it doesn't actually tip the entire chair. My old chair was just a normal old fashioned non-tippin' sittin' chair. How long will it take me to stop freaking out when it tilts because I think the chair is tipping over? FartMonkey
Probably about a week or two, however there will always be moments that you panic when that chair tips, so enjoy it and yell out "Weeeeee!".

Which kind of screwdriver would you prefer to use to stab someone you hate? I was thinking phillips would more resemble a point, plus you have the fun little grooves too, but a flat one is more like a blade, except not sharp, which would make it all the more painful...plus it would be an effective gouging tool...I just can't decide, what do you think? FartMonkey
The first thing I'd think about is the ease in which I could remove the tool and stab again. With the slotted, I think it could easily be pulled out once stabbed into someone, and the slotted end to it should make it easier to puncture the persons skin etc. The phillips just might work (its the star pointed one for those who don't know) but I don't know how easy that end would make for stabbing.

If you took the lighter fluid out of a lighter and replaced it with gasoline, would it explode when you lit it? Also speaking of explosions, wouldn't it be cool if there was a teensy little bomb that was disguised as a pill, so you could give somebody their "vitamins" and then a few minutes later they'd explode? I suppose it would be a lot less trouble if it was just plain ol' poison, but that's just not as fun as explosions..ok I'm done now. FartMonkey
I don't have the time to look it up right now, but I have a feeling that gasoline would not work in a lighter. It's your job to find out why and report back to us about it.

Why does no-one understand me and why is this turnip licking me? Kali
Other people are just stupid, and you're probably living in a place filled with these stupid people, so of course they won't understand you. That turnip is licking you because it thinks you taste good. If you don't like it, tell it to lick higher up, or simply hack it up with a knife.

Why are there two 'L's in Llama, but not in Lemon? - Mort
Lama wouldn't look near as cool as Llama. Plus, different people named them, and the lemon person didn't like the look of Llemon.

Why is it illegal to immolate animals and/or humans? Is it still illegal if the victim were to approve of it? - Mort
I would think that if the victim approved that it would be ok, but as for the animals, leave them alone. They do not agree with your ideas about torching them to please your make-believe god, so instead go to the local church and find willing victims there.

What is your full name, age and telephone number? - Mort
So you can sacrifice me? I think not. Find yourself another victim.

Regarding the notion that numbers are believed to be infinate; how come we are able to get from one number to the next, say one to two? If numbers are infinate, then surly the gaps between numbers are also infinate. Not only does this prove that mathematics is wrong, but it leads us to question our existance. We use numbers everyday in life, and it's wrong. The leads us also to question; is anything we do in life ever right? And how can that be proven? This is why I cant believe more and more people do believe in solipsism like my solipsist self. - Mort
Numbers is something we've established to help us quantify things in a way we can understand and work with. Sure, it may all be crap, but it's working for now, and until a better system comes along, it seems like a good idea to use them. Of course we can all say that we don't believe in anything but our own mind, but the reality is that we must live within this world and saying the use of numbers is wrong will get you nowhere.

In the music video, "Brother down" they're all trapped in a boat, and are dying of hunger, so they eat their drummer. but in the backround, you can hear drums. how is that so? -Hufflebunny
They have outright LIED to you and don't even bother to hide basic things like that. They think you're so stupid that you won't catch on. How does that make you feel, to know that they think of you in this way? I'd be outraged if I were you, and I'd make your own video where each of the instruments stops playing as you wipe out each member of the band.

When you poo do you like to look at your work before you flush ? -cack-n-bulls-
Only if I question what was truly accomplished while there.

<-------------Isnt this monkey butt prettyful!!!!!! Kali
Poor dear, you really thought that would work? <Points and laughs at you for wanting a monkey ass.>

what would you do if your balls got chopped off and someone used them as a back massasurer? ----Roxy
Pretending I have real balls (Not the pretend kind like when people say "Damn bitch, you've got balls.") I would have to be angry if they used them on anyone but me. How rude would that be to remove my balls and use them on someone else? Very rude.

What if you woke up to find yourself covered in dog semen, what would you do? Fleoa
I'd have to kick the ass of the dog who did that, after I washed it off of course. I just might vomit as well, depending on how sickening the experience truly is.

what would u do if u got ur willy stuck in a bottle, and how would u get it out? plankster
Well I'm a chick, so I'd simply remove the strap on. If I were a guy, I'd rub ice on my dick until it shriveled up and the bottle fell off.

Why are some people stupid? jjs
Some? MOST! I'm not sure why, if I did then I'd be out doing something about it.

What does the "O" in the "No" mean?
It doesn't mean anything, it's just the part that is fun to yell really loud when angry. That's it's purpose.

i am writing all over from Pakistan.My problem is that i want to fuck my mom ,well she dont have drinking problem and none other than taking any drugs ,otherwise i would fuck her up when she ll be unconcious..so please tell me how to fuck her up ..and yea she wont flet me fuck her up caz she is not horny..its like around 3 years i want to fuck her and due to this i have got myself in masterbuating..please help me ..i really wanna fuck her out... ..motherfucker....
You're writing all over? Sounds fun. As for the rest, I'd suggest you get a knife (or any sharp object really) and then cut your dick off. You'll find this solves most of your problems, as well as the problem of you potentially breeding.

Why am I running out of insane questions? Kali
You've been uninspired lately, which is ok. Just take a breather, read the whole site over again, and by then, you'll have a fresh new batch of insane questions.

Is this a question? Kali
Technically it is, but it's most definitely not an interesting, original or thought-provoking one.

 

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