Mar 2/05
Answered by: Herbert

Why does my brain provide me with insane questions any more? Is school slowly squeezing the insanity out of me? I mean, why DOESN'T my brain provide me with insane questions anymore....I think I said "does". See how school affects me?-bluemonkeyfearer
Poor bluemonkeyfearer! I'm going to write you a note so you don't have to go anymore. You can attend sock monkey school with Professor Herbert. I bet you'd do really well, and your brain would be filled with insane questions that everyone else would be jealous of! Have you checked the roof of the school to make sure it's not some brain killing device the blue monkeys have installed? That would be just the sort of thing they'd do.

Could I send something to Canada from the US using one stamp or would I need more?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't actually know bluemonkeyfearer! If it were me I'd slap two on just in case! Maybe if you take it to a fancy mailing place with real people they'll tell you, but I think two stamps would cover it. Maybe your mom or dad has stamps that they're not using they could give you. Are you mailing me a letter? That would be so wonderful! I'd be so happy that I'd send you one back.

Today, I saw this yard of grass, that the snow had melted from, and it said "Keep off the grass." How do you think that sign got there if you can't go on the grass? -Hufflebunny
It sure sounds like aliens to me Hufflebunny! How else could that sign get there unless someone threw it there and it stuck? That's very creepy. I think that every day you should take a picture of it and maybe one day it will disappear completely! Then maybe we'll have photo evidence of aliens coming here! Yay, maybe they'll let us ride on their spaceships! I wonder if they have cute round bottoms or not. Maybe they'd have tails!

Why do I laugh hysterically every - I'm talking EVERY - time I see the stinky moneky butt picture? I'm 30, not 13. PRchick
It makes me giggle too! What I like about it is that it actually has an asshole! I mean, it's all brown and everything! How naughty is that?! I wonder who actually made that though, since it wasn't me. I once tried to put my paw in that bottom but it didn't work and my paw hit the monitor instead. I've had to settle for my own monkey butt instead. Would you like to look at my butt? I don't have a brown asshole or anything, I promise. I'm a clean bottomed monkey.

Are you actually insane or are you just some schmuck with way too much free time on their hands? I hate false lunatics! -IshmuBendat
Well I'm both! Not only am I insane, but I'm some sock monkey schmuck with too much free time! You have a very fun name IshmuBendat, I like it. I've said your names out loud a few times and I still like it. Can I use it sometime? I'll try very hard to not be a false lunatic, just for you IshmuBendat!

no als I cannot send you pikachu dolls for you to molest i am too poor for shipping i also only have one and she's mine! so when you get the urgge to molest dolls you have too find your own ok?thathinguywhois
That makes me very sad thathinguywhois, but I guess I can do that. Maybe someone else will have extra pikachu dolls and send them to me? I'd be happy with any sort of mail really. I never get anything! Well, not to say your questions don't mean much, as they do and I like them! Everyone likes getting presents though, and if they don't, I'll take them! I hope you enjoy your pikachu doll thathinguywhois!

WOW! Herbster, your new porn is truly groundbreaking! You are, without doubt a pornographical pioneer! How can i one day match your status? Superman Dave
<Blushes> Thanks Superman Dave! Sometimes I feel all self conscious about it, so it's really nice for you to write in and tell me how much you like it! The dino wasn't so fun, he had sharp teeth! There are more pictures to be put up soon that I'll bet you like. If you want, I can teach you all I know! Just come here and I'll give you special classes. Then, you too can be on the site showing off your tail!

Herbmeister, I shall hopefully be featuring more on this page again, at a level akin to my previous heyday, because I've quit my job! It was a poo job. Not actually a job with poo you understand, but i worked until 4 in the morning, sometimes 5! Bleugh! My sleep pattern was all over the place, my studies and training suffered, and I had no time to go around drinking and finding people to rub my tail. But all this has now changed! Do you think this is a good thing I've done? (see?! there was a question eventually!) Superman Dave
Wow, good thing you escaped Dave! I'm glad to see you will come back, I had liked your questions! I'm very proud of you and think you deserve a cake with icing and sprinkles and maybe some candles so you can have fire to play with! That job sounds like it was awful and you Dave deserve to be happy! Welcome back, here's a great big hug for you and doing something that will make you happier. In fact, everyone should give you hugs today.

Me and my friends came up with a new concept...kinky fox sex. Three wonderful words. I'm trying to spread the word about KFS but it doesn't seem to be working. Why do you think nobody is interested in KFS?- BoredBlondChick
If you say it as kinky fox sex, then people would be interested! KFS is close to sounding like KFC and KFC is awful. You don't want to get confused with that awful stuff! I say you print up tshirts with 'Kinky Fox Sex' On them and send me one! I'll wear it everywhere I go! Maybe Stunt Fox would even wear one too!

Hopefully you've heard of the Taste of Chaos tour? Well if you haven't its the awesomest tour on Earth that involves a lot of my favorite bands. Here's the problem. My mother said the only way I can go is if she comes. I said the only way she's going is if she dresses in black and spikes her hair up. She said fine. Another thing, the tickets I have to buy. They are about $60 for me and my mom combined. Well is it worth it? Especially considering I'd be seen with my mom at one of the awesomest concerts of the year? And what if I buy the tickets and my mom backs out? What then? - plz help! BoredBlondChick
Well make your mom sign an agreement where she CAN'T back out. Other than that, I say you go with her and have a good time! I bet your mom would look fun with spiky hair! What a cool mom you have that she will dress cool and hang out with you so that you can see that tour! My mom wouldn't let me see any concerts for a long time because my older brother was a loser and would do naughty things. He got us both banned and I didn't even get to go! Can I come with you and your mom? I'll buy us food!

should i fuck my dog?
Only if you've asked your dog and it specifically says that yes you can. If you're human, that's just a pretty sick thing to do. If you're a dog, then that should be ok, but like I said, ask first. If you're a dog, you must be a pretty smart one that has managed to find this site and type questions. You should be a dog so I can put a saddle on your back and ride you around.

I have a friend who sayes homo or hobo midgits are going to take over the world ... is this true? "he is a midgit to" -Ishkabilly
Homo hobo midgets? That'd be sad to have hobo midgets, it's sad to have any hobos, unless being a hobo is fun. I'm not sure they're going to take over the world, it sounds like your friend is just trying to scare you into doing what he wants. Maybe it's some sort of role-playing thing where he's the conquering midget and you're the helpless Ishkabilly. Mmm sounds like fun, can I watch?

so one day i was sitting here thinking.. what if we were all mental? what if each and everyone we know is actually a figment of our imagination..and that everyone we are talking to is in our heads.. everything we see is hallucinations? wouldnt that be freaky?! :O
It would be freaky! That could be true, and if we never find out the truth, well then it's the same as it all being real. I always wonder if the people I see on the streets are in fact real, and if everyone else can see them. I would like to think that if I made people up, they'd be happier and want to send me toys in the mail or come over and stroke my tail.

No, im NOT the guy who keeps asking for ways to 'masterbait'. WHY HAS MY SANITY NOT RESUMED!!! and i think im owed an appology for your abrasive tone, or i'll rip the fucking stuffing out your ass you fucking cum-rag. South West Suicide xxx
I do remember answering at least a few questions by you, maybe you just don't come here often enough to see me reply to your answers! Maybe you're lying! Maybe you're just saying all this to mess with me! I like the bad-cop act though, will come over and spank me because I'm naughty? Why don't you come over for pizza (you're paying) and then I'll answer any questions you have in person! That'd be great! From now on I say you come here every day to see if I've answered your questions!

Given the assertions that this site has become something of a wet dish-rag since the departure of DC, would you care to join me in issuing the following statement? "We, those sacred few, who deign to take time to actually keep this site up together as lead by JCP for you, those pathetic few, who deign to read it would like to remind you that DC has been gone for over a year. He is gone. He does not answer questions. He loves you no more. He didn't love you in the first place. It's over, move on. Better yet, die. Many thanks to you all for your continued support, love and kisses: The Insane"
Wow, that's a great idea! I will send it to JCP and maybe she'll put it up! If not, maybe I'll put it up on the 'ask a question' page! We don't need him, you're right, he's GONE! Ok he may be coming back, but NOT to answer questions! It's MINE now! You love HERBERT! I'm the one who gives you hugs and love and wants to spend time with you! And besides, my tail is much nicer.

Oh my word, are the What Ifs dead or something? If so, where can I go and cry? McDiablo
Yes, it's true! Dead! Well ok, there is ONE of them on the Questionnaire and I even noticed there is an extra question. So that's five questions to answer, and before we were answering three questions and three what ifs. We've only lost one question, and now don't have to go all over to answer things! So don't cry McDiablo, things are still good for us all. If you feel you still must cry, come here and I'll hold you. I can even rub your back a bit as you cry if it makes you feel better. Afterwards I'd love to get a slurpee with you, I bet you'd know how to make the best one ever!

Will it be sunny on Sunday? You'd think it would be all the time seeing the word 'sun' is in 'Sunday'. McDiablo
It should be sunny on sunday shouldn't it! I agree with you McDiablo, and we should make our own spaceship so we can fly around and have it be sunny every day, just by pointing our windows to the sun. We could have some great adventures and maybe even write choose your own adventures for others to enjoy! Imagine the fun we'd have! Let's go do that now McDiablo!

Mar 4/05
Answered by: Herbert

Yes, Pizza would be lovely! and maybe we can ask each OTHER insane questions. AND, if you want, i'll play the bad cop, and after too much beer, i could do more than spank you. would that be fun? South West Suicide.
Oh yum, pizza sounds REALLY good right now! I'll do WHATEVER you say! Yea, spankings, beer and anything else! Mmmmmmm you sound like a LOT of fun South West Suicide. I'm all excited now just thinking about it and can barely hold back from running out the door to find you. Once these questions are answered I'll get ready for you to come and get me! Yay, spankings!

Would you like it if I took you home and put you in my secret meat fridge, tied you to a giant pig and whip you iwth a leather whipe while wearing butless leather chaps with gothic industrial playing in theb ackround very loudly? Or are you not into that?-me*HUG*.....*whip!*
Wow, that sounds like a lot of fun too! I'll come visit you tomorrow night! You people are just so wonderful to open up your hearts to me and spank/whip my bottom as it should be! My bottom will be sore from having fun with South West Suicide, but you won't mind will you? If anything it will make me yelp more! Will you be wearing fancy leather shoes too? I bet you would be, and just not tell me so that I can be surprised! You really know how to make a sock monkey happy!

is a howler monkeys tail as long as his body
Sure, if not longer! Howler monkeys are great fun, sometimes they have blowdarts that will put you to sleep if they get you. It's the purple howler monkeys that are the most dangeorus. You'll be walking along and all of a sudden you'll feel a sharp pain in your tail or neck and before you know what's going on, you'll drop to the ground unconcious. It's very scary. When it happened to me I was really scared, and still have a few marks on me from the things they did. I'd tell you more but I've repressed those memories so I don't wake up screaming anymore.

The worst possible thing has happened.....The Taste of Chaos Tour......has been.....*tear* cancelled in Dallas, Texas (Which is where I live) So I guess I'm not going..... should I write an angry letter to the tour managers?-BoredBlondChick (thanx for the idea about the t-shirts. we made some and wore them at school and now our whole school knows about Kinky Fox Sex)
That's really sad, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll give you a big hug to make you feel just a bit better. I think you should not only write an angry letter, but claim that it ruined a chance to get to know your mom better and send some rotton food with it. I'm very jealous of your shirts, can I have one? Do I have to do naughty things to get one? I will have me and South West Suicide vouch for me!

Why are people so retarded and they ONLY go for looks when choosing a boyfriend/girlfriend? Whatever happened to love? -Hufflebunny
They're just being stupid idiots who watch too much tv and think life works that way too. I like you Hufflebunny, you're one of my favorite people! If those people don't know how cute and fun you are, well they don't deserve you! You and I can make it so none of them can be happy or have kids and then we can rule the world forever! We could put some GOOD shows on TV and make the rest eat mud!

would you like to fuck my wet vagina with your tail? monkies make me horny
Sure! I'll even wash my tail for you, as it's gotten a bit crusty lately. Would you like to join me in the bath? That way we'd both be wet.

my "midgit" friend read your answer on my last Question and he is now saying "evil hobo midgits are gona take over the world with the aid of their mindeless sock monkey slaves" no ofence Herbert-Ishkabilly
Wow, really? Being a slave to one would be great. Is your friend looking for a slave sock monkey now? I'm a bit busy with others for awhile, but maybe next month I can be his slave. I'm such a good willing slave, he'll love me and spank me often. Mmmmmmm spankings from evil hobo midgets.

how do you give someone a static electric shock?
All I have to do is run around on carpet while dragging my feet and then touch them. You might want to put on big wooly socks and do that. Normally it works. Don't touch anything metal before you touch the person or you'll lose the shock. It's fun and harmless!

I'm sorry herbie i am a selfish thing i am even if I am a guy (checks) yup definetly a guy, I will look into getting you a pikachu doll it might double as a back pack though and hav a funny zippered opening at the top behind its head, but thats where you stick your tail.. I would like photos of that!!! mmm...thathinguywhois
Wow, a doll that doubles as a back pack?! That'd be wonderful! I could put some shoes and a blanket in it! If you sent me one of those I'd be just so happy I'd have to dance around for a few hours and maybe even go buy you some lovely shoes to say thank you. I would take photos and everything, both of me dancing, and doing naughty things with the backpack.

Can humans puke up foam?
Sure, if they eat it. Maybe there are humans that puke up foam every day. I haven't met all of you in person, so maybe you are actually a foam puker and just don't want to tell me. If you were, that'd be ok, foam is fun. I can't speak for all sock monkeys, but once I shit out foam. It was light and fluffy, even if it didn't smell so great. Fart foam I'd call it because it smelt like farts.

I have just recently been introduced to the grunge seen from my older friend how is ten years older than me Iam 17 by the way and Im woundering what the grunge fashion is because I want to fit in I've always been 10 years behind in style doing my own thing. Can you help
Well from what I've been told and seen, it was dark clothing that was layered. So you'd have a tshirt over a long sleeved shirt, and then a hooded sweatshirt over it. Also, checkered flannel shirts seemed to be popular for awhile, as they too could be put over other layers of shirts. Wearing secondhand clothes also was popular I guess. It seemed that no one cleaned their hair very often, so I'd stop doing that if I were you. Big boots are a must as well. Not fancy shiny ones, but dirty clompy ones. Still, they'd be sexy on you I'd bet.

I would wear a 'Kinky Fox Sex' shirt Herbert. It would be wonderful! Do you think there should be naughty pictures of foxes on the front? -Stunt Fox
I'd wear one too Stunt Fox! Wow, naughty fox pictures! I bet BoredBlondChick will agree that that's a GREAT idea! I'd love a shirt like that and I'd wear it everywhere, even in the shower. I think this is a great suggestion Stunt Fox and you deserve some hugs for it!

Mar 7/05
Answered by: Herbert

Why do people try using MSN emoticons on things like Forums and online journals when they obviously don't work? -Hufflebunny
They're just being very dumb and very silly. You really don't like people with the MSN messages and such, so I say you ditch MSN and find yourself a fancy NEW messenger program. That way you don't have to see those people with stupid away messages, and you get a new program to play with! You could even make a Hufflebunny Messenger!

I'm going to New Brunswick next weekend. What sort of present would you like me to buy for you? :) -Hufflebunny
Oh wow, lucky you Hufflebunny! I'd like anything at all if it came from you! You're so good at asking questions and being fun that I'm sure you'd come up with some great ideas! I bet you'll have tons of fun going there. I've never been there but maybe one day I will. I think that'd be great fun! I hope you have a safe and fun trip Hufflebunny!

I was walking up the streest today from my bus stop, and there was an old dirty sock sitting on the side of the road. How do these socks get there? Do people actually sit on the sidewalk, take their socks off, and leave them there, hoping they'll attract a mate? -Hufflebunny
I've seen those abandoned socks as well! At first I thought they were sock monkeys so down on their luck that they had sold all their stuffing, but when I looked closer at one, it gave me shit for staring and informed me it wasn't a sock monkey at all. Some of those socks have been on the streets for awhile and they're mean, so be careful Hufflebunny! I'm not sure how they all get there though, I'm sure there are some very sad stories though. I wonder if there are sock shelters for socks on the street. If not, there should be.

In the Atlantic time zone, it is exactly 12am. HAPPY MARCH 5TH! Just thought it would be fun to celebrate :) -Hufflebunny
Well it's now the 7th, but happy March 5th to you too! Happy March to everyone! If you all line up then I'll give you each a March hug too. I'd wear a hat that said "PARTY!" on it and give out balloons! Then you could fill them with air or water or whatever else you wanted to. Maybe even pudding! Mmmm pudding.

if somehow your silly tube socks were removed, would you: a) commit seppuko b) eat a banana in denial c) hide all of your appendages in one of your orifices in shame d) go to wal-mart and buy more tube socks, hoping no one will notice an animated fluffy creature perusing the aisle
I had to look up what seppuko was and it didn't seem to be any sort of fun so I'll have to say no to that for sure. And since I refuse to shop at Wal-mart due to the mean greeters who pull on my tail. I would have to go with c. It's by far the best option.

Holy crap, Herbert. It seems like you've been updating the questions section like mad. What's with this sudden burst of 'answer question-ness'? McDiablo
Really? Thanks McDiablo! I'm just trying to be the best sock monkey answerer of questions ever! Sometimes I worry that I'm not giving good enough answers but when you come back and ask more then I know I can't be doing too badly. You'll promise to tell me nicely (and with bowls of ice cream) if I'm getting boring, won' t you? I'd trust you McDiablo.

Should I go to bed now? McDiablo
Sure, you deserve it! How about everyone sing McDiablo a good night song. Go to sleep, you little freak, close your little slurpee eyes. I'll even tuck you in McDiablo and give you a kiss on the forehead before I leave. Awwwwwwww

*contemplates before asking*...If a turtle climbs into my window tonight, followed by an ant, and then behind the ant comes a polar bear, which one should I keep? - The Bubble
Well, unless you have a very large room the polar bear isn't really a good idea. I saw on the TV the other night that polar bears are very big, so having them in your room would just make things crowded. They are probably a LOT of fun to hug if they don't kill you, but overall polar bears are just too big. The ant would be small and easy to keep but I don't know how long they live. Also, you can't hug ants, so that makes them quite unfun. The turtle can be hugged and isn't huge, so I would say you should keep the turtle and name it Bauble!

Why do you need condoms when you don't have genitals?
Condoms prevent diseases. Nasty itchy burning diseases on the body. My mom always told me to make SURE I wore one when doing anything sexual, even when I use my tail.

How often do you bathe? Does it take a long time to dry up because your skin soaks up moisture ?-me*HUG*
I bathe about once a month, but I need some help as I get so full of water that I need help washing and such. Poptart hasn't wanted to wash me in a few months now though (I think he's mad at me for something I did in one of his socks that he didn't notice until he got home from work after wearing it all day) so I'm a dirty monkey, and not really in a fun way. Will you come and help wash me? I have some fun bubbly stuff that we could use too!

What would happen if you pressed Alt+Ctrl+delete, or delete+alt+ctrl ir in some other order? -Hufflebunny
The same thing would happen as what it's really trying to say with the plus signs is to do it all at the SAME time! It's not really an order at all but since we were all trained in school to think that way, it's how we see it! Isn't that mean of the schools to alter our thinking like that forever?

why do i stink so much? is it because im too busy getting all hot and sweaty from looking at you?
Oh wow, really? <Blushes> You know, I need a bath too, would you like to come over and help me and I with the bath?

Where did pretzels originate from?
Prezel land which is right beside Salt land. One day one of the pretzels went over and fell in love with some salt. When they went to kiss, they stuck together and then someone ate them and thought "This tastes really good!" Everyone was happy, as now the salt and pretezel could be together forever! Awwwwww

what if.i killed me and your sperm - nailnine
I'd be really sad that me was dead. Me was so much fun and asked some fun questions and so I'd cry. The dead sperm wouldn't make me sad, I would just make some more when needed, but me, me is something you can't replace. Don't hurt me, I'd be sad. Be nice to me nailnine.

What if you ask a question and aswer it in mid-statement?-me*hug*
I'd giggle and say "Oh Herbert you're so silly!" and then the person I was talking to would laugh too and maybe we'd hug too just because we're happy. I'm glad to see you're ok me, nailnine was talking mean. How about you and I laugh and hug now? We'd have lots of fun doing that!

on't you think it's funny how some people will mention their age in a question to try to look more mature, but you can tell they're lying because of all the grammerical errors, and the fact that mentioning their age had nothing to do with what they were talking about. Maybe it's important to them that they seem older to a sock monkey and people who don't even know his name. Well congratulations buddy, you're aparantly lacking other people to impress.-me*BIG HUG*
I think is really to someone who did this in earlier questions, but I'm too hungry to check and see who did that. Is that gossiping? <Giggles> No, maybe not yet. Wow me, this is a new side of you I haven't seen before. You're all sort of tough and sassy. I like that! Now I can't wait for that bath!

Don't you just LOVE lulling people into a false sense of security and then suddenly throwing them out of it? Like putting thm in a warm bath and suddenly dumping a bucket of cold water all over them. Even little things, like at McDonald's, we decided to go in, and my friend asked me to fill up his cup because he wanted to sit down and start eating. Yes, as my friend of eleven years sat and ate his food, he thought he would be able to get a nice cold cup of coke to wash it down with. That is where he was wrong. I took his cup as I turned a menacing grin. He sat down and I went to the fountain soda machine. I filled it a quarter-full of ice, and i went for the coke, but when i reacehd it, i moved a little more to the left, to the DIET COKE !!! I filled it, and as I filled it, I laughed ! I casually walked back to our table and handed him his beverage. He only looked at it for a minuet, then he took a sip. In an orgasm of deciving fury, I jumped up, pointed at him and screamed, "HA ! Does that Coke taste gooood?" he looked and replied with a yes. "Well that's where you're WRONG my friend! That it not coke. It is DIET coke!" and I broke out into an obnoxiously loud triumphant laugh. Ahh, I love life.-me*hug*
Mmmm bath. You're just so naughty! I'm glad that you did that, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You're wonderful me and don't let anyone tell you any different. If they have a problem with that, I'll write you a note so you can shove it in their stupid little faces. Thanks for being so wonderful me, and I will make you a special dinner when you come over for my bath. I could tuck you in like I did for McDiablo, only I'd change the last part to suit you better. Big hugs to me today! Go on everyone, give me a hug!

Mar 9/05
Answered by: Herbert

Are you seriously going to write me (me) a note? I'd definently make 100 copies and hang them all over my wall.-me*hug* P.S. I see why you get so confuddled with the me thing.
Sure! My writing isn't the best but I'll try just for you! I thought I was pretty clever last time I answered when using your name, don't you? I had to think and everything. I asked some shoes to help me, but they just sat there. If you made 100 copies, maybe you could use them as wallpaper. That would be fun to do and would be different than everyone else's stupid walls! Then you take photos and send me them so I can see.

Have you ever been afraid to tell someone that there's something wrong with them because A: you think they'll take it too seriously B: You feel sorry for them and you want to be their friend or C: you thought they'd react in rage and say something nasty?-me*hug*
Oh yes, all of those. I try to be a nice monkey most times, which makes me do B a lot. I like to kid around but do worry about A happening if I am drunk and not saying good things. I'm not really around rage filled people so I don't have to worry about C. Most times I find that a hug is the best option.

When was the first snowmobile invented?
Joseph-Armand Bombardier is apparently the person who made the design that's like the one we recognize today. Some website said 1937 but it could be made up. I've seen lots of things on websites that turned out to be very wrong. That's scary so be careful when you read things sometimes. But not when I give hugs to people. That's never lies.

Why does this berry flavoured drink contain no berry related things at all? It has apple flavouring! ...I am frightened Herbert -Stunt Fox
I'm frightened too Stunt Fox. You should come here and we will hold each other close. Then we can make ourselves some capes using flannel blankets and we'll go fight these non-berry berry drinks! More lies, now on drinks! It's everywhere Stunt Fox, we should make ourselves some swords out of cardboard too to fight the lies. Swords of Truth!

As my girlfriend pointed out, Why do people sleep at night and not day? Night is so much better to run around in -Stunt Fox
People, well humans, sleep like that because they need the sunlight or they go crazy and start doing very scary things. Maybe because you are a fox, you can live the better way like you said. It must be fun being a fox! <Giggles> You get to be foxy! I wonder if there are sock squirrels out there. I will go look for them the next time I'm near a forest.

You seem to know a lot about the people asking questions. Can you tell me something about me? PRchick
I do? Wow, thanks PRchick, it's very nice of you to say that I know a lot. It makes me feel smart. I'm sure you already knew that about yourself but that's a good thing to know and be told. Also, I'm sure you are quite huggable and even if you don't think you are, you don't know that because you haven't given me a hug yet. I'm the best hugger ever!

y is your name herbert
That's the name my mom gave me. I like it. Sometimes I get teased and called "Pervert" or "Pubebert". That makes me sad mostly but sometimes it's sort of funny and I have to laugh.

Yet another MSN question. Someone on my list had the name "El Thong Monkey" Could they be a cousin of yours? -Hufflebunny
Mmmm no, and that's a good thing. Too bad I don't have MSN though. I'm not allowed to chat ever since I got the keyboard all dirty. It's ok though, I have these wonderful questions to answer. Maybe you should talk to them and get them to send you photos so you can send them to me. We could hug and giggle at them together in a fort we make out of cardboard boxes.

What would you do if i showed up at your doorstep completely naked and my tail was wagging? howl. -Wolfman
I'd welcome you in and give you a great big hug Wolfman. Mmmm make sure it's a full moon, that'd be fun. We could howl together!

herbert are you any relation to q-bert?thathinguywhois
Not that I know of thathinguywhois. Have you been playing that game lately? Is it fun? It sounds like it might be fun but I don't know because I haven't played it before. You should send it to me so I can play with it and then I could return it plus some hugs.

once I was flying in a dream and a sextet of sock monkeys tried to make me blue with lotsa dye in a big vat but I refused to become blue i was so mad though I turned red, which scared them away, then I just stood there staring at the blue dye wondering if there was any purple monkeys to dye blue why do you think they wanted me to be blue?thathinguywhois
<Giggles> Sextet. Are you sure that these monkeys weren't the dreaded blue monkeys that bluemonkeyfearer fears? I haven't dreamt anything like that before but if I did I would need someone to hug me until I fell back asleep. Poor thathinguywhois, I hope you didn't wet the bed in fear. That would be very sad but I wouldn't tell anyone.

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers? Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead? How can the weather be "hot as hell" one day and "cold as hell" another? Why don't you ever see the headline Psychic Wins Lottery? I NEED ALL THE ANSWERS. IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER THEM ALL I WILL BE FORCED TO DECAPITATE YOU. - O curious 1
Yes, no that'd just be silly, I don't because the remote was taken away from me last week, hell sucks so it's always shitty as hell, they're liars and fakes, and since I did so good will you now rub my bottom?

Have you ever impregnated another sockmonkey? Have you ever impregnated another species? Do you wear lil' monkey condoms, or are you good at withdrawing? Why are all the questions sexual, hell that's what kind of mood I'm in today.-me*HUG*
No I haven't ever impregnated anything and that's good. I use sock monkey condoms and sometimes human condoms on my tail. It's the good thing to do so you don't get itchy burny stuff or have little monkeys when it's not good to. You should be careful too me, I'd hate to see you be sick or itchy burny because you were unsafely naughty. We might not be able to hug anymore and that'd make me very sad.

Is it a pain to post up the Questionaire/What If's ? What is the process you must undergo?-me*HUG*p.s. , how many hugs have i gived you? ( including the double hugs and the big hugs)
I don't really know. I should ask JCP. My guess is that she gets all the results, puts the nicknames on it, puts them into fancy pages and then gives out awards. She won't let me do it even though I've asked her lots of times. If it takes a lot of work then it's probably best for me to stay away. I like giving out awards here and the best part is that I can give out hugs too!

what should i do if a guy ask me out ? but he lives far away from me my nickname is a li
Did you hit the send button too quick? You are missing an e on the last word. I'm hoping you didn't get hurt or something. If you can't actually go out with him then you should say no. If that makes you sad, you should come over here and we can hug by a warm fire and you can cry your sadness out.

Will I get out of the house today? McDiablo
Maybe! I've heard you've been digging a tunnel and hiding it cleverly with a pylon so those others in the house don't notice. You might want to arrange a get away car to be there in case you don't feel like running down the street screaming "FREEDOM!" while still in your jammies. Mmmm jammies.

Do you like doughnuts? McDiablo
Yes I do! They're sugary and fun! There are all sorts and it's fun to be surprised. I took a sneak peak at your next question and saw Tim Hortons. I like having their Timbits because then I can have all sorts of types. For those poor monkeys out there with no Tim Hortons, Timbits are small round doughnuts (some people say they are the middles from the ring type doughnuts) of all sorts of the same types of the normal big donuts.

Did you know that during Tim Horton's "Roll Up the Rim to Win" contest, 28% of Nova Scotia's garbage is, in fact, Timmy Ho's coffee cups? McDiablo
That's sort of scary! They need to figure out a way to make their cups out of seeds so that when they are thrown away, instead of rotting garbage, some little plants with berries we can eat grows. Same with their trays. Then we could just bury them in the backyard and have Timmyberries! Maybe they'd taste like sugar and be all caffeine filled!

Mar 12/05
Answered by: Herbert

Why does the Sitemeter for my website hate me, Herbert? I know that there have been visits to my site but it still says zero. WHY???-bluemonkeyfearer
Poor bluemonkeyfearer! I went to your website and it still said zero! I think it's being mean to you for no good reason at all. That can only mean one thing, it's the blue monkeys! Scary! I bet they've been waiting for awhile now to spring this on you. Those mean blue monkeys, do they have nothing to do but to bother you? It makes me feel so sad. You and I will get some ray guns and make those blue monkeys stop their reign of terror on you! Then we could build a fancy boat and have little colored lanterns on it while playing 80s music.

Can I have your autograph? Will you sign my shoe? -Hufflebunny
I'd love to Hufflebunny! <Blushes> Wow you'd let me touch your shoes! Mmmmm shoes. I'd even hug them if you wanted. I'd probably even hug them anyways when you weren't looking. Maybe we can start a shoe club where we trade shoes every month or two. That would mean we get mail and it's shoes! That would be wonderful!

what do red sharp tail snakes eat
Snakes are crazy looking aren't they? I wonder what it's like to squiggle around on the ground all the time like they do. Some website says that they might eat slugs. Eating slugs wouldn't be so yummy I would think. Maybe they are? I'll have to catch one and try it. You should try eating some too!

I am from upstate New York, the armpit of the Northeast, and I want out. I am wondering if Canada is for me. Can you help? PRchick
I'd love to help you PRchick, do we have to get married so you can move here? We'd have to learn everything about each other so we could prove that we're married and everything! Think of all the late nights just talking and hugging. Mmmmm hugging. We could buy fancy shoes for the wedding too! What a great idea PRchick!

That's really weird isn't it! I bet it was in one of those funny news papers where they have alien baby cows and stuff like that. I saw one of those and there was a picture of girl with two bums. TWO! Her jeans were all modified and everything! It sure was funny to see but I know that it's not real. It's too bad though. You should remember not to believe that for real.

What's your favortie type(s) of music?-me*HUG**HUG*
Lots of music! Types that make me want to dance or feel things like happy or sad. Sometimes I just make up my own music and dance to it. I bet you do that too! It's fun to just dance around and shake my ass!

What do you think a world without hugs would be like?-me*hug*
It'd be a sad and lonely world where no one would feel really good. Maybe they'd wander around wondering what was making them feel so sad and they would never know. Hopefully an alien race who hugged would come and hug someone so everyone could be happy.

Did you know that the Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game ( MMORPG) EverQuest II has a command that you can type in whilep laying the game that orders a pizza for you? Do you see something wrong with that or is it just me? I can see the delivery man coming do the door saying, "Hello, I've got a pizza for Balmor the Dwarf.".-me*hug*
That's very funny! You must spend lots of time thinking and doing smart things so that your brain always works well. How does the game know where to order the pizza from? Seems weird to think of people who pretend to be a dwarf and can't even leave their place to get food. Hmmm. But now that I think about it, if my computer could get me pizza, I'd be ordering it every day! Maybe I should try this game and see if I can get pizzas sent to 'Herbert the great tail charmer'! I could have a sword!

Do you have knees Herbert? What about elbows? Or do you not have any bones at all? That would be cool, You would be very good at stunts if you had no bones -Stunt Fox
I haven't really thought about it. I bend all sorts of crazy ways that I just assumed they were elbows and knees like normal and that maybe I was just talented. I am good at stunts now that you mention it! I know I could never be as good as you Stunt Fox, but I bet we could have some good times! You could show me some simple stunts and then I could put on shows for my friends and family!

Won't you take me to a funky town?
Yes! I just got some funky boots and if you just let me go put them on, we can go! I've been waiting for a long time for someone to ask!

Mar 14/05
Answered by: Herbert

Look at my bath photos! - I took a bath on the weekend and now I'm all clean!

Is it possible to have a life that is TOO busy, with too much going on? BoredBlondChick
Oh yes BoredBlondChick, some people just have so much they do that they go crazy and then need to spend a few weeks in a padded cell before they're ok again. I've seen it happen a few times, even to sock monkeys. I like to relax and enjoy my life which is why I like giving hugs. It makes people stop for a moment and feel good. Awwww, isn't that nice? Rubbing my tail is always enjoyable too.

Why do some people have to be so bitchy to one another? McDiablo
Are people being bitchy to you McDiablo? Bitchy people aren't fun! I know we aren't happy all the time but when people are bitchy they should stay at home in their room alone or just try to not be so bitchy. You just tell me who the bitchy people are that you're having problems with and I'll give them a good spanking until they leave you alone!

How come I wasn't allowed to wear my headband for my passport picture? McDiablo
Maybe they thought you had fake hair on the headband to fool them! No, that's silly. Maybe the person taking the photo wanted to see your pretty hair? Did they give it back? Maybe they just wanted the headband for their own greedy needs. I bet that's it! I bet now they are making one of their own at home using a kit or something like that. Maybe they have a whole wall of them because they really like them like how I like shoes. Maybe!

Do you happen to have shampoo that smells like mint gum? It clears your sinuses, too. McDiablo
That sounds like it'd be nice McDiablo! Too bad I don't have any though. If I do find some then I will send you some! I want to go to a store that has lots of types of bubble bath. Walls with glass shelves to the ceiling filled with all sorts of types, and they all come with free puffy ball things that you use to scrub yourself. You and I could go shopping and skip along all the aisles with baskets!

how do you wank with no hands ?????
I have paws silly! Sometimes I call them hands but mostly they're paws. I saw a movie where some guy yelled at a fake monkey to get his paws off him. Maybe it was a cartoon though, sometimes I get confused. Paws are fun!

One of my friends wants to take me and one of my other friends to six flags. The problem is my mom doesn't want me to go. Should I sneak out and go anyway? BoredBlondChick
Why doesn't she want you going? Maybe there is a good reason like last time your leg fell off and they had to buy you a fancy new one that cost a lot of money! Tell your mom the stuff that will make it ok for you to go so that she doesn't worry or whatever. If that doesn't work then try hugging her lots until she's so happy you love her that she let's you go. Sneaking out might be fun but when you get caught then you won't be able to go to more cool stuff next time and that's not fun. If you could make a double of yourself then you could cover for each other and everything could work out fine! If none of that works, have your mom take you all to six flags and buy her a funny hat to wear. Do they have funny hats there?

Have you ever seen the movie A Clockwork Orange?
No I haven't but I do sort of like clocks so maybe I should. Clocks are fun to look at but not fun to hear tick when I'm trying to sleep. Clocks can sometimes be mean and move too slow or fast. I don't like when they do that.

If I turned into a turtle and named myself Bauble, would you keep me as your pet? - The Bubble
Sure I would! I'd buy you a big fancy place for you to crawl around it and even a little pond for you to swim in! Shell warmers for the cold nights and everything you would want as a turtle. Do you think you'd want a fish? I could get you one of those too. Some nice rocks out in the sun for you to lay on. You'd have to tell me what to feed you though since I don't know what turtles eat. We'd have lots of fun!

If Angelina Jolie donated her gorgeous plentiful lips to to make an Angelina Sock Monkey, would you make "Angelina the Sock Monkey" your sock monkey girlfriend? - The Bubble
If she were really nice then yes I would! We could have lots of fun going to shop for bubble bath and shoes. I wouldn't stop answering questions though, so don't worry about that Bubble! Angelina doesn't need to tear her lips off to sew on a sock monkey though, I'd be happy with normal lipped sock monkey girlfriend too. Any girlfriend really.

how long are elephants pregant
I don't know and I don't want to go find out. I don't think I'd want to see a pregnant elephant. Ok, today I don't want to see one. Maybe next week. Elephants are not close to where I am though so you'll have to send me money to fly and see one to ask it for you.

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