Feb 12/05
Answered by: Herbert

what does a sheeps vigina look like
Oh my, that I don't know. Sheep don't like me getting near them. Normally by the time I catch up with one, the static from both our fur ends up shocking me horribly and I fall to the ground screaming. By the time I stop, the sheep has run too far away for me to catch up. They may seem like nice fluffy things but they're not really.

What if you were scratching your head and you scratched so hard that you eventually reached your brain and that felt so good you couldn't stop?
I would probably have to stop once I scratched through my brain and then I'd have to hope that Poptart or someone came around to jam my brains back into my head and stitch me up. Speaking of stitching up, I've been considering having a vibrator installed into my tail. Poptart says that he'd support me but JCP is refusing to even discuss it with me, claiming that it's self mutilation. What do you all think?

do u eat my cheese? do i eat ur cheese? is cheese still here? it was locked in my basement, but now, i think its escaped! o no! wat can we do? im very scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont want cheese 2 take over again!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!! the_cheese_is_here
Mmmm cheese! I like to eat cheese. It's yummy and brings warm feelings to my tummy. Sometimes to my tail and other bits too, but not as often as other things do that. I found a shoe hidden under Poptart's bed the other day and I'm sure he put it there just for me (isn't he nice?) so I've been getting warm feelings from that a few times a day. I don't mind if cheese takes over. Imagine cheese shoes. I feel a warm feeling now. Mmmmm.

If my friend tate is gay, how can i tell?
Go to a store and buy the 'gay' pee test sticks. If you're a guy and he's a guy and he let's you hold his dick to pee on the stick, then he just might be gay! Just so you know, the test is also for you. If you think the test sticks are too expensive, you could always just try asking him. Valentines day is Monday, you could ask him then! Then, to thank me for helping you clear the air, you can come here and send me messages of love.

Did you know that you said the word "Fun" 9 times, in the last bunch of questions? -Hufflebunny
Hi Hufflebunny! I was in such a happy mood while answering I guess I went a bit crazy with the funs! I had runs of funs! I hope you had fun reading them. Sometimes I feel like maybe I don't give good enough answers but I try, I really do! I think it's nice when people help me out sometimes when I've gotten answers wrong too. You know, if you came over for dinner Hufflebunny, I'd want to sit across from you so I could see your face and we could smile all night at each other. Do you think that would be fun? I do!

I am having some wraunchy burps for about two days now. They are so bad I want to hold them in so I dont have to taste it. What is wrong????
Maybe you are eating nasty things! You should come over for dinner when Hufflebunny does, you can sit beside me. We'll have good food and then you won't have those nasty burps. If that doesn't work, I'll sit with you in the waiting room when you go to the doctor to get that checked out. Does your doctor have toys in the waiting room? If not I'll bring my own.

Let's all be honest here...Where the fuck is DC? I'm sorry I haven't visited the site in about a year +, and this is my own fault and I am ashamed of my self and proabaly deserving a beating or two, but I came back like the Protocol Son hoping DC would be here to answer my insane question but instead I have to ask this replacement monkey named Norbert. A bit outraged, I will continue on with my question..Is the theory about the Cats taking over the world still alive? Because I have some interesting news and I think I was there while they were having one of their meetings. Do we still have a chance??!--Syko Morgana
Hi Syko Morgana! DC isn't here, and he hasn't been around for a year. Maybe YOU kidnapped him and this is just your way of toying with everyone? Oh, well wait, there was this explanation given, and <looks around for JCP to see if she's paying attention> he's coming back, but not to answer these questions, they're MINE now! My name is Herbert, not Norbert (though I like the name Norbert better). Maybe you and I can be friends someday? I have heard a bit about the cats taking over so please tell us if you have any new information. I like cats! They have a tail like I do! How about I give you a big hug? I think we'd both like that. Mmmmm hugs.

are you a cow
No, I'm a sock monkey. There is a picture of me at the top of the page. Make sure to look at the tail. Isn't it nice? You want to touch it don't you? I know you do.

Feb 14/05
Answered by: Herbert

Hello everyone! It's Valentines so I'm taking this chance to tell you all that I love very much and that I will come to each of your houses and give you a great big hug and even spend the night with you, hugging and cuddling and fun stuff like that! Big hugs to everyone!

Where do sock monkeys go when they die? -Enfante Terrible
I haven't been around any dead sock monkeys yet, so I don't quite know. What I figure happens is that we're somehow shot into space where we can find new planets to live on like Deadea. There would be a way that we'd suddenly become alive again and we would frolic in the fields and have fuzzy warm things to hug whenever we wanted!

Did you remember to get rid of the weapon?--waffle iron
Oh yes, I have hidden it in a shoe in my closet. Not just any shoe, the blue one that I found out in the street. It was that night when I had escaped from Poptart's after he had grounded me for doing naughty things in his shoes. There were some garbage cans outside the building, and I was about to go through them when I noticed something wedged in the fence. I went over, and it was this blue shoe! It was so pretty so I yanked it out of the fence and we spent the night running around Ottawa and doing naughty things.

What's in your mouth? --Ferdinand
It's chocolate! I bought some for Poptart (I'm just that nice) and I had to test one to make sure it's good enough for him. It wasn't, so I had to destroy them all by eating them. If you want I can give you a great big kiss and you can taste it too!

Great, now how I am supposed to get down from here? --Gorey Details
Jump! Jumping is fun! Go on, try it! Everyone! Jump! Jump! Jump!

I can't sleep. Would you read me a story? Or hit me with a pan? --Steadily Regressing
If you would like, I could tell you a story about someone hitting you with a pan. Of course, if you want it to be me in the story, I can do that too. I can even draw pictures for you. Do you have any crayons? I can't do this without crayons. I'd like lots of crayons, with all the strange colors they like to call them.

What's the use? --Jehovah
The use? Of that metal thing I found on the floor the other day? I have no idea. I tried to bite it, throw it, burn it, bend it, talk to it, fart on it, cushion it, tape it, yell at it, rub up against it, lick it and shove it. Nothing! I just don't know what else to do, so I'm going to throw it out. There is just no use for it that I can find.

What makes you smile with your heart? How do you get rid of it? Sorry, that's two but, it won't go away. Thanks. --Clinical
Smile with my heart, hmm. I don't know! Why would you want to get rid of it? I think it's great. How about I give you a great big hug? That should make everything better! If you're still sad after that, we can go play some PacMan!

Is this the ice cream parlor? --namethattune
I wish it were! I could wear a fancy hat and serve everyone their favorite ice cream! Do you want sprinkles? And I'd give you as many as you wanted! Herbert's Ice Cream Shack, that would be wonderful!

What if the sun is God's asshole? --Turpentine
Then I am thanking God's asshole every time I wake up and feel it warming my fur! <Giggles> Don't stare into God's asshole, it will make you blind!

Anyone know the name to the young woman in the Dentyne commercial who brings home her boyfriend to meet her parents and then starts getting on with him in front of them after having a peice of the gum? I think she's really pretty and can't seem to find out who the acress is anywhere bk
Who here wants to bet that bk has somehow gotten the commercial into his/her computer and has watched it in slow motion while imagining that it's them instead of that boy? If I see the commercial, maybe I'll want to do that too! Is this commercial on anymore? Poptart only has a couple of channels on TV so hopefully I can see it.

Does it drive you a little crazy when people spell things wrong? McDiablo
It makes me crazy when they spell things wrong on purpose! Other times, well they should check but sometimes it happens. <I'm all worried that I spelt something wrong now and am driving you crazy! I'm sorry McDiablo! I'm sorry! I try to spell check I do!>

When is it not okay to punch someone? McDiablo
There are many times McDiablo, like when a poor little sock monkey is just trying to spell things right. I'm sure that sock monkeys would never purposefully spell things wrong just to make you go crazy, that'd be mean! I'm sure not like that McDiablo! I'll give you big hugs and everything!

There haven't been a lot of new rules added to the "Insane Questions & Answers" page in quite some time. Could it be that the people are actually behaving themselves? McDiablo
Rules? Oh, they're from when DC was answering, I didn't write them! They are good ones though, and I guess people have been very good! I didn't know that I could add rules or anything. Maybe I'll make it a rule that everyone has to give me a hug. No, that's not fair, some people aren't into hugs, if you can believe it!

hey you thingy what for do you play tail so much smelly thingy? me smell shoes stink shoes thats what you like huh dummymmm me dumbthathinguywhoisn't
This is very confusing. You're like that other guy but aren't. I'm going to hide behind McDiablo while she beats you for spelling things wrong. Whoop his ass McDiablo!

Why life?-bluemonkeyfearer
You know, I was thinking about that the other day while I was playing with that blue shoe I mentioned. After sitting there for a while feeling all questionable about everything, I thought that maybe there is no reason until you go out and find yourself a free shoe stuck in a fence. I mean really, what more do you need in life? Shoes and hugs. If you need either, you're always welcome to run away with me somewhere fun bluemonkeyfearer!

Hey pumpkin pants. I was just wondering..... do you like my watch ?-me *HUG*
<Giggles> Pumpkin pants! I think your watch is super. Super! I'm so glad you're here to give me hugs!

Hey Herby, what's the strangest thing you've ever slept in?-me *HUG*
A DVD case. It was really uncomfortable and I woke up only a few hours later with a horrible headache. I wouldn't do it again, that's for sure! For every hug, I'll give you two back! Awwww!

Hey, know what I realized ? I'm not exactly attracted to feeto r shoes, but I do believe socks are sexy. Don't you think it's hot when your girlfriend takes off her socks for you?-me*HUG*
Oh wow, a girlfriend that takes her socks off for me?! Mmmmmm, now I can't think of anything else! If you hug me now, I might not let go for awhile!

You look tired, would you like to come in for some lemonade and cookies ?-me*HUG*
For the rest of the day, I hope you don't me clinging to your leg in a really long hug!

Have you ever tried putting a rubber glove on your head ? You look silly like some kind of rubber chicken... thing.-me*hug*
Yes I have! Isn't it fun? I've also put it on my tail! I should take a picture of me doing that sometime and show you! It's very funny. I'd show you now but I'm clinging to your leg still.

I don't get much support from my family or my friends, I could use a self-esteem boost if you could supply. -me*hug*
I could climb higher up and hug you there? I like you lots! If you want, I can even go tell your family that you're wonderful and very huggable. Also, you have lemonade and cookies, how can they not appreciate that? They don't deserve you! Come run away with bluemonkeyfearer and I!

Feb 17/05
Answered by: Herbert

Do you ever get the urge to dress up as a troll and prance about in a forest with an axe? -Stunt Fox
Oh yes, I have twice had that urge this week, but it's been so cold I don't want to freeze my paws off! Plus, Poptart has been sorta sick this week, so I've been helping him out. Aren't I nice? Yea, I am. I will just have to wait to prance about with an axe, will you join me Stunt Fox? I'll be looking for you to prance with me!

Is plastic food really food, or is it plastic? Because if plastic food is really plastic, then it can't really be food, can it? How can it be both?-bluemonkeyfearer
Sine you people ask me all sorts of questions and sometimes I'm too dumb to answer them, I'm going to try very hard to learn more so I can give you better answers. It can't be plastic food unless you eat it, so it should be called plastic food shapes. They are plastic, and in the shapes of food. Do you think that would make things easier for us all? It sure would stop me from trying to eat those plastic bananas.

Why do people call things that make you smart brain food? Your brain cannot physically eat things, and all of this metaphorical nonsense gives me a headache. Please help me. Hugs from bluemonkeyfearer
I think that it's called that because it's helping your body, and by you using your brain to make the good choice, it counts as improving your brain. Good food makes the brain respond better. In fact, I'm going to do that from now on, as part of my whole getting smarter thing. I think I'll go get some carrots.

I'd love to go run away with you and Bluemonkeyfearer, but as sad as it it, I am a blue monkey !!! Don't you think she'll/he'll shit their pants if I came too close ? Maybe if they could get over their fear of bluemonkies, then I could go. -me*HUG*
Oh oh, I don't know! What we might have to do is have two houses. You stay in one, and across the street, bluemonkeyfearer in the other. I'll run between the two! I'd suggest you dying your fur, but that's a lot of work and who am I to tell you to change your fur! Maybe she would be able to handle being near, as you will promise to be a nice blue monkey won't you? You're not one of those mean types?

What is "cool" ?-me*HUG*
It's a temperature, a state of mind, and a delusion. Wow, three answers you got there! We're the state of mind cool, you and me, well, me and me, well you, the one named me. Now I'm all confused again. Good thing you gave me those hugs so I don't feel like crying!

How did Sockmonkies stick it out in the great depression ? Was it hard to get jobs and find dressers big enough to live in ?-me*HUG*
Some monkeys were privileged enough to be the friends of rich kids, growing up in nice big houses. Other less fortunate sock monkeys would take horrible jobs as chimney sweeps. Well, they didn't do the sweeping, they were tied to poles and jammed down into the chimneys and used to clean them. Many got sick and died. Some lost their tails. I had to do a project about that back in sock monkey school, it made me sad to know all that happened to them.

what is a petafile?
I looked it up, and it seems that PETA is a group called "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals". (Shouldn't their name be PFTETOA?) I guess if you have a file with them, you could be one of the animals they want to help, or a person helping, or a bad person they hate for doing bad things. Either way, I think I should join, I'm a sock monkey and should be treated ethically! Same with all other sock monkeys! Actually, what I should do is set up a "Sock Monkeys for the Ethical Treatment of Humans" We'll go do nice things and raise money so that humans can take some training or something so they'll be nicer to each other.

questions are all insane inane and answerable only by questions why would we even be here?thathinguywhois
If I answered with only questions, that would suck! Good thing I write more than just questions. Maybe you should ask people on the street to come up with questions, and then send them in as if they're yours. No one would know!

Where do bogers come from?
I find them in my nose. Normally I find more if I've been in a dusty place. I've seen them be green, white, clearish, yellowish and black! And I think it's boogers, not bogers.

Do monkeys, other than baboons, have butts?
Oh yes, we all have butts! <Giggles> Butts! Bottoms! Rear ends! Asses!

There are alot of signs for fast food restaurants around my town, (you know, the ones where you can arrange the letters..) and they always put letters like "N" and "S" backwards, and most of the time, the "And sign" (&) Why can't people take their time and actually think about what they're posting? is it because people who lack education end up working at fast food restaurants? -Hufflebunny
This took a bit to find out, but apparently it's done to encourage the 'dumbing down' of their customers. By encouraging you to be dumb, you will continue to make bad eating choices and eat there, as well as not think about how they're insulting your intelligence by spelling things wrong. Kids go to school thinking it's spelt correctly and they look dumb, and then yes, end up working at those places being treated like shit for the rest of their lives. Also, marketing people are stupid and think that if they do this, they are creating a 'brand'. What kind of company pays people to spell words wrong and put letters backwards! The more I find out, the more it all doesn't make sense. Donate to "Sock Monkeys for the Ethical Treatment of Humans" and help fight this! Also, go in and ask the manager why this is, or write the companies headquarters and ask why they're insulting your intelligence. I wonder if you'd get a response, and if it would make any sort of sense.

Is it okay to drop Extacy And be on an antidepressant (prozac)
Dropping ecstasy is a dumb thing to do even if you aren't on prozac.

what r some ways to masterbait
Well when I looked up, it said it was a "REDNECK STRIP MALL - SELLING BEER, BAIT AND AMMO". I'm not sure what a redneck is though. I have seen some humans with red necks from being outside all day or wearing itchy wool sweaters. Why would they need ammo? The site was ugly and scary.

I was walking down Bothel street the other day and I noticed a cloud was following behind me. I ran and cut the corner of the street, whilst bumping and knocking an eighty-some-odd year old lady to the ground. Anyway, the cloud continued to follow me and I even began to hear it whisp. Then the unimaginable happened. The cloud began pouring nachos. At first I liked it, eating nachos and all. But then my stomach began to growl and I could feel the up-chuck rising. So I decided to give the intense tacho extravaganza a quit. At this point the cloud began furiously hurling nachos at me, at about 150+mph, it hurt and I got nacho burn. I ran inside and locked my door. The next day I woke up, stepped outside and noticed my house was now a large taco. Attached was a post-it that read; "you deserved it, sistergirl" I am a male, by the way. Please, how do I mend my relationship with the angry mexican cuisine cloud? Sincerely, Sincere human being who wrote this
Isn't it obvious? The old lady you knocked to the ground was Gramma Nacho! The nacho clouds love her and when you bumped into her and she fell, they became enraged and attacked you the only way they know how! I would go apologize and put in some community hours helping out Gramma Nacho in the hopes that the nacho clouds will forgive you and only give you enough nachos to enjoy properly.

Do you think I should one day let Emerald drive the car? McDiablo
Sure! I'd bet she'd be cautious and a good driver! Well, ok she wouldn't be able to reach the pedals, but maybe you could rig something up for her? Or get one of those special cars made for the tiny humans. Maybe she'd like a clown car when you and all your friends can fit in it and then pile out. That'd be funny!

Do you like burning things? McDiablo
Well I did when I was a younger monkey, but I'm not allowed near fire now. It can be a nasty thing sometimes. Fire is fun to watch though. I like watching campfires. They smell good too.

What is something you'd like to purchase right now? McDiablo
Hmmm. I'd like a large fluffy pillow to sleep on that would fit in my closet, as well as some warm socks for my feet and tail.
I'd also like some nachos, as I've been thinking about them ever since that nacho cloud question.

Feb 20/05
Answered by: Herbert

Hello Lord Herbert of Monkeyshire, how are you this fine day? If women like salt, and like to put salt on fries, and if jism tastes like salt, why dont women like to eat jism? Or for that matter why won't women let me cum on their fries before they eat them? Superman Dave. xxx
Monkeyshire! That's funny, I like that. I am ok this fine day, but it's not that fine. It's sorta gloomy outside and that makes me feel less fine. I don't know that all women like salt, and I know lots of men that love salt too. Does that mean all of them have to like the taste of jism too? Maybe if you dried it out and made it available in grain form that people would try it. You could market it, do blind taste tests and everything. Just don't be sexist, make sure you ask men and women to try. Have you tried eating your own jism on fries? You really should just to make sure it's good.

What is the difference between a smelly tail and a tail that smells? Superman Dave. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
A smelly tail is one that doesn't have a good smell, and one that smells doesn't stink, just smell. That makes sense to me in my shoe-loving world, I hope it makes sense to you too Dave! Have you been away for awhile? Maybe I'm hung-over but I don't remember you being here lately. Come here and I'll sit in your lap. You can tell me all about your adventures while you were away!

do you like marilyn manson
He's the tall scary guy right? Sure I like him. He looks like someone I could do a lot of fun things with. Also, he's always got on wonderful shoes and boots. Big shiny boots! Mmmmm. I wonder if he'd let me hang out in his boots for awhile. I bet he would, and I bet he'd want to watch! That's why I like him.

what does a vigina look like
I knew a Virginia back in sock monkey school. She had long pretty brown hair, poofy bangs, soft pretty tail and these hoop earrings that would jiggle around when she'd laugh. I'd follow her around but I don't know if she noticed me or not. Every time I'd go to talk to her, I'd get all sweaty and have to run away.

What causes that lovely smell in the air durin autumn? Is it all the dying plants and leaves ?-me*HUG*
Hmm, you could be right! My favorite smell in the autumn is campfires. That's the time they smell the best! You can be outside and be just warm enough with that fire so you can stay outside. Next autumn, you and I will make ourselves a campfire and enjoy the smell outside for a weekend.

what is a true lava lamp made of
Lava (comes in different colors) and water (also in different colors) are put in a jar and come with a base that lights it up. Now you can make your own! Be careful collecting that lava though. I've heard that volcanos can explode!

Where do sock monkeys go to school? McDiablo
We go to Sock Monkey School. I've sent JCP emails about putting some lessons online so that we can all be better sock monkeys! She's told me that if I get to work writing those up, she'll put them online. The best part of sock monkey school was the juice boxes they'd give us. I wish I had some of those right now!

You seem like a friendly guy, but have you ever just lost your temper and lashed out at someone? McDiablo
Aw thanks McDiablo, I try to be friendly. Yes there have been a few times I've lashed out at someone and sometimes I feel bad afterwards. Other times I think they deserved it and I keep plotting revenge for awhile. When we were younger, DC and I used to get into huge fights all the time. Then again, who really gets along with their brothers/sisters all the time? I'd never lash out at you McDiablo, you'd kick my ass!

why is it that you ar such english spelling and grammar geeks? I am personally surprised that the restrictive language restraints that have so far been imposed on us by the acaedemic politcal machine were definetly enough..Thathinguywhois
Oh Thathinguywhois, why bother talking if people can't understand you? Seems silly to go to the effort of writing/saying something if you're just going to make it difficult to understand.

Are you really just DC on drugs? --Enfante Terrible
No. And who's to say that he wasn't on drugs before when answering questions? Maybe he's in rehab recovering from his addictions and struggling to come to terms with how he's fucked up his life and that his little brother is just so much better than him and that's what he gets for being a jerk to me. Maybe he's just a worn out junkie monkey.

Is this a cult? --Mother
Sure! Come on in Mother and become one of us! We'll make you a fancy sock monkey outfit out of pajamas and then we can dance all night! What fun we'll have!

You're so nice it hurts my feelings. Why are you doing this to me? --Special Victim
I'm sorry Special Victim. If you tell me each time you send in a question to be mean to you, then maybe I won't, just to be mean! Come here and I'll give you a big hug. You just need to allow yourself to experience warmth and friendship. It's ok, you can let go with me, I'll be your friend.

How did you get to be such a slut? --Just Wondering
I'm not! I'm just friendly and cuddly! <Giggles>

Are you easily provoked? --DMIV
Provoked to hugs? Oh yes. I'm easily provoked to that sort of thing! I just like hugging, it brings people close to me and makes me feel all warm.

What's the best way to burst somebody's bubble? --Eyeball
That's sort of a mean thing to do but I guess the best way is to tell them the truth in a way that negates whatever it is they're happy about. I don't think I'd want to do that unless it was to someone mean who deserved that sort of thing. Then I would also go bitchslap them, and it would make them cry.

What is your vision of The Apocalypse? -Katie
The sun gets real big and swallows the planets close to it, including this one. It's a long time in the future. Can you imagine that? The earth, gone. Makes you wonder if humans will still be around then, or be long since gone. If none exist, and everything goes into the sun, there will be nothing of humans left. It will be like nothing ever happened.

Can I break your crayons for you? --Crayon Breaker
If you break my crayons, then I will have twice as many! Thank you Crayon Breaker!

why do we have to let air out from tyres before a long journy
What? I don't think I've heard of that. I've given it some thought and I think that maybe it's because the air in the tires will heat up during the long journey and that would make it expand. If you drove too long and the air in there heated up enough, maybe your tyre would pop.

Well, I promise I will be a nice blue monkey. I'm full of marshmellows and huggles, not meanness and bad. Do you think BMF will believe me, or must I prove myself ?-me*HUG*
Ohhh I'd like to see you prove yourself! I bet you can do amazing things! Bluemonkeyfearer and I could watch you do amazing things and then when we are fully amazed we will hug you and we can all go for some pizza! What times we'll have! I'm already on your side, but I'm sure this will win her over.

I love pretzels. Did you know that ?-me*HUG*
No I didn't know that, and I like them too! We can get a hug bag of them and eat them for days! Do you ever just chomp them up and then breath out and all the bits come flying out of your mouth?! That's fun!

If I quit my job, do you think they'll let em keep this awesome name tag ? -me*HUG*
Leave it at home the day you quit and if they ask for it, claim you've already snipped it in half due to your rage. If they demand it, melt up some plastic or whatever it was and send it to them and they'll be fooled into thinking it was your name tag. Then, you and the tag can be together forever!

Feb 22/05
Answered by: Herbert

Herbi,where is your rectum, do you have any and what colour are your faeces?
My rectum is where my bum is! Silly, where is yours? Faeces? You mean my shit? Well it changes depending on what I've eaten. Don't you find that happens to you too? The weirdest thing is when I eat corn, it comes out just like I ate it! It's all yellow and everything, so maybe sock monkey bodies don't digest corn? I think that's got to be it, otherwise that's just scary.

Hello Herbert! I've made a lovely wallpaper and I just want you and everyone else to know that I will WIN. When I win, will you come over to my house and give me the prize in person? Also I think that you should bring me food of some sort. NONE OF YOU LOSERS ARE INVITED, just Herbert. - Winner of Contests
Hello Winner! I won't give you the prize in person, unless it's the best wallpaper EVER! Those spooky monkeys are funny, I wanted to enter my own wallpaper but JCP said that I couldn't, as I am a member here and will be judging them as well. If you wanted to buy my vote, well I'm sure I wouldn't say no to a nice shiny shoe or two. I hope I get to see a lot of them, looking at pictures is fun!

Can you burp the entire english alphabet?-hufflebunny
I've never even tried to do that! Wow, you should plan parties, you're just full of fun ideas! Hufflebunny's Party Planning! I'd hire you for my parties, well, when I start having them I'd hire you! I'd also invite you!

What will happen if you put the "this side up" side face down while popping popcorn in the microwave? -hufflebunny
I tried that once and it burst into flames and then the microwave blew up too. It was awful and I had to run far, far away. Eventually they found me though and spanked my bottom until it was a most unfun sore. Since then I do exactly what those packets tell me!

have you ever watched a funny part of a movie then rewound it and watched it over and over until it lost its amusement?-Hufflebunny
Oh yes! I've done that several times. Before there were DVDs, I actually broke a few videos doing that. I don't remember what movie it was, but there was a scene where a car was racing down an ally. Well some guy was walking his poodle, and yanks back on the leash, causing the poodle to fly up into the air and then into the guys arms. At the same time, the dog gives a yelp. It was so funny I watched it over and over. Zoom! Yank! Yelp! Rewind! After about a week (and two videos later) it got a bit boring.

what was Captian Hook's name before he had a hook for a hand? Was it george? or maybe it could have even been Herbert!-Hufflebunny
Do we know he changed his last name to be Hook after the accident? Maybe it's just one of those weird things that happen and his last name just happen to be Hook. I never thought it was his first name. Maybe he IS a Herbert Hook!

how many friends are you all in total? I've followed this site since 1998.Soo many years..Hey herb,id like to know who your favorite bands/mucisians are? -Enuch provocateur
How many friends? Well there is an about page right here to show you everyone involved! Since 1998, wow! That's much longer than me! I like lots of music. I used to really like Madonna but then she got all weird. I might try hearing more of her stuff but those cowboy boots really scared me. I like happy music that I can bounce around to. I hope you keep coming back here Enuch!

Have you ever tried to fly? If so could you tell me the story of herbert the flying monkey? -Stunt Fox
Well once I tried to fly off the roof of a building, but it didn't go so well. I think what I'm going to do is try to make some wings. I figure they can be made out of pantyhose and wire. Will you help me bend the wire so the pantyhose will fit over it? I can't seem to get it to bend properly. I'm sure that you, being a Stunt Fox, would be able to help me, and maybe give me some pointers as to tricks I can do while flying.

Were did sanimal go i sorta miss him. He looked like you. cynus was annoying.-by ennuch provocateur
SAnimal? Oh yea, the mean one. He's gone, and I don't know where he is. People should never leave here should they? Oh, well I guess if DC hadn't left I wouldn't be here, but besides that, everyone else should stay forever!

Why don't people look at me when I have a monkey on my back? Her name is Georgette, and she has a "Drug Addiction" sign around her neck, but no one but me can seem to see her... why? - SkyofStLuke
Wow, how did you get her to stay on your back! I wish I had a monkey on my back. Maybe she's a special monkey that only wants you to see her. Does the sign change? Maybe she's trying to tell you something, that you need to either get a drug addiction or fight one. Since sock monkeys are usually nice, I bet she's trying to help you. Talk to her and figure out how to beat it and maybe she'll make new signs for you to read!

Herbert, it says it's the last month for what if's. Are they going away forever? I don't want them to go away. I'll take the job writing the What Ifs. *Sobs* I'm so sad now. Are they ever going to come back?-monkeeskittles
It seems that yes, the What If's are going away forever. I've read that one What If question will be added to the normal Questionnaire, so it's not lost forever! I think you should write other stuff for this site though! I bet you have a lot of fun things to write articles about, do you think you'd do that?! I'd vouch for you! Go here and tell JCP that I sent you and that you can write stuff!

What is the ideal opposite
Ideal opposite of what? Did you die halfway through typing this? It doesn't look like a finished question.

What would you do if, while you were walking along, I drove up to you, slowed down and began honking my horn screaming "GET IN THE CAR, HOOKER!!!"? - Mzebonga
Wow Mzebonga! I'd be so happy that I'd jump in the car right away! I know you love those role-playing games and hell ya I'll be your hooker for the night. Do you want me to wear that outfit you sent me last month? I tried it all on and the genital cuffs are a bit snug, but I'm sure they'd fit you just fine. Wait a minute, you don't drive! I remember that because I laughed at you! Will you be in your bike? It'd have a bell though, and that's pretty hot. Yea, I'll still jump in the basket, just for you Mzebonga.

why is a cloud taking so long to ask me out? -horse
Hi horse! What I think you should do is ask the cloud out! I know you can do it, you just have to be nice and friendly and make sure you smile! Smiles always make people feel better. Also, because you asked the cloud out, it might just be so happy it gives you a hug! You can't beat a hug from a cloud, that's for sure. I hope it works out for you.

why? - chaos_zero
Your question isn't really fun chaos_zero. Boo!

Feb 25/05
Answered by: Herbert

so dc is gone forever?
Forever? Sigh, no. Sadly enough, I hear he will be returning at some point to write articles and stories. I think that if I start a letter writing campaign to prevent his return. I hope I can count on all of you to support me.

how are chiken nuggets made
Well they hack up chickens, remove all the meat, and whatever else is left they grind up and jam into little clumps they call 'nuggets'. At least that's what I've been told. I used to think that they were what chickens shit out and people just called it 'nuggets'. Later on someone told me that no, it's a type of food, and it can be eaten with dipping sauce. I wonder how good beaks taste with BBQ? Probably pretty good. I'll have to go try some.

You are from Canada? Do you live in an Igloo? -DingoDonna
Hi DingoDonna! Yes I am from Canada, in fact I live in the capital! No I don't live in an igloo, though that might be fun! I did see one once but it was a display, not one I could move into. It would have been nice if they had put up a sign saying so too instead of beating me with icicles and dragging me out! I've heard that somewhere they build an entire hotel out of ice!

See, now I'm shocked. I don't know how those genital cuffs fit you for two reasons: Firstly, you're a guy Sock Monkey and I sent them for JCP and, secondly, you actually have no evident genitals. So, just how did you fit them? - Mzebonga
You may try to lie on here and say that Mzebonga, but the package was addressed to ME! I put them on my tail but it didn't work so well. I know you CLAIM that you would rather go after JCP, seeing that she is female, but we both know that you prefer male monkeys. I saw you had posted to DC a lot, and I bet you two were happy little bed friends until he decided to ditch you. Well I'm here for you Mzebonga, I won't hurt you like he did. I'm much more cuddly and everything. Just open yourself up to Mzebonga, and relax so it doesn't hurt so much.

If I had a spork factory, would you buy my sporks?-bluemonkeyfearer
Oh yes! And I'd tell JCP to order some TheInsaneDomain.com sporks to give out on the site! That would be wonderful! I'd be so happy to buy sporks from you bluemonkeyfearer!

How many toothpicks does it take to bribe the African cheif of the Xagawa tribe to let me have his chair ? -me*hug*
Well, I'd guess at least 2000 of them. Bring extras just in case, but don't let him see them. If he knows you have more, he'll keep wanting more until he's got ALL the toothpicks.

one day I fell out of the sky and began to be consumed by little creatures called "microbes" and next thing I knew all of these mammals called monkeys had evolved into "humans" and had infected the planet and were in the middle of dismantling it on a suicidal urge to do something. i hate being trapped in anarctic ice for millenia do you?thathinguywhois
Oh yes, that's so upsetting when that happens! Also, think of all the things you've missed like lunch with friends! You can't put a price on missing those sorts of things, no matter what sort of fancy things the monkeys come up with. And they're not sock monkeys either! They're a whole different type completely. If you want, you can help me build our own little hut to forever hide from everything we don't want to see!

Interrupting cow, MOO !-me*hug*
Hi interrupting cow! I saw you at the side of the road a few months ago! I haven't see you recently, but then again it's been cold. I hope you are staying warm in a huge barn somewhere. Can I visit your farm? That'd be fun!

Why are all these singers going on about how people start rumors or won't give them any privacy? They WANTED and worked to becomes stars. do you think they should shut up and stop complaining? -Hufflebunny
That's right Hufflebunny, but some people in the public just go too far and that sorta thing has to be stopped! I mean, they should hire me to keep others away, and that way it's just ME staring at them as they undress and stuff like that.

Why can't people take a hint? When i'm on msn with my status set to away and people start going "Helllllo? are you there? answer me!" Why can't these people see i'm busy, away or i just don't want to talk to them? -Hufflebunny
They're being rude! Maybe you should put 'GO AWAY I'M NOT HERE DUMMYS!' Does MSN have a feature to make it so they don't see you online at all? That might work best for you.

Why do all my friends call me a hooker? BoredBlondChick5
Well, unless you're sleeping with people for money (or other things) then I'd have to say they're just being mean and they're not your friends at all! You can come hang out with me BoredBlondChick5. I won't call you names unless you want me to. If you want, you can touch my tail until you feel better too.

What is it really like in canada? Is there lots of snow and mooses and guys in red uniforms? -Stunt Fox
Well there has been snow lately, but it's winter! Normally there is no snow where I am and I have never seen a moose! I'd probably piss myself with fear if I did, I heard they're huge! There are guys in red uniforms, but not very often. Normally when they are around, there are also banners and other things going on and I get over stimulated and sort of twitch on the ground for awhile. But it's in a good way, so I'm not complaining Stunt Fox! You should come join me up here sometime when it's not winter and we can twitch together.

Do you think Snow Demons controll the amount of snow we get in the winter? Like when nobody gives sacrafice or nobody worships them, they grow angry and don't give anyone snow? Just an Idea from 'Calvin and Hobbs'. -me*HUG*
Oh no, what if that is true! But why must snow be evil? It's not! It makes everything fun to look at, gives trees a chance to rest, and then in the spring it melts and we get lots of mud! But just in case, let's sacrifice a few snowmen. I'll get a bucket of hot water! Then again, our own pee would work, as that's warm! And if we get any on ourselves, it's ok because pee is sterile!

What would you do if I started talking backwards ?-me*HUG*
I wouldn't like that very much, it would take a lot of time for me to figure out what you were saying! Please don't start confusing me, me. Your name already is confusing, I don't need more!

Do you think my brother is ACTUALLY Satan himself ? Every night he talks in he sleep, but he speaks in tongues. So every night I hear, " Rue Garaaag Slophamaatt Jee OrgUUn Daam ! ". It really creeps me out and I'm begining to suspect that is in fact the Devil. Who else speaks that kind of language? -me *HUG*
He's been secretly worshipping Jabba the Hut! Time to drag his Star Wars loving butt out of bed and slap him silly! Tell him he's NOT a Jabba and he'll never have Lea in that wonderful little outfit while tied to him. I've tried and it just doesn't happen! I know it's sad but he need to snap out of it before he tries to gain 500 pounds!

Is there a difference between madness and insanity?-me*HUG*
I think so, isn't there? Maybe there isn't, maybe they're different words for the same thing? I just don't know!

When do houseflys die
They die when they get too old, starve, get swatted by people, eaten by cats, trapped in plastic bags, sprayed with bug spray, caught by spiders in webs, hit with papers by random flying papers, and by flinging themselves into hot lightbulbs.

Wait a minute... Are you guys taking AWAY the what if section ? :o -hufflebunny
I'm not doing anything! Don't blame me hufflebunny! JCP said she was taking away the what if section and putting one what if question in the questionnaire! So make sure when you send hate mail that it's not to me! I didn't do it!!!

Where can I find a Frank the Bunny "from the movie Donnie Darko" Skin for the sims?
I have no idea! You should do a search on Google or something to find out. I don't play with the Sims, they don't make out with each other very much or anything fun and everything takes so much time.

What does juice have to do with African War Beads ???-me*HUG*
Wow, I have no idea! Maybe if you froze the beads they'd work better than ice? No, you'd end up swallowing them. I don't see any reason why juice would be connected with African War Beads!

why are sixth graders geting shorter every year i mean its like walking with midgits if one leans over to pick up a pincel i mean i could SQUASH them i walk around looking down becous i am afraid of steping on one and not knowing it. it is sereiusley creeping me out ~Ishkabilly
I'm not sure what size sixth graders are supposed to be, but maybe it's you who is getting bigger AND you need to escape the little kids. Maybe their parents are feeding them food that does that? I would think that smaller kids means more room. Maybe you can get them all to stay in the closet and you could have the whole room to yourself! Imagine that, all the crayons would be yours! I'd hope you would let me come over and color with you though. I'll be good and I promise I won't let you step on me and feel bad!

Feb 28/05
Answered by: Herbert

why does a root beer candy wrapper smell like a skunk
I haven't had a chance to smell one of those, will you send me some? I think it'd be great to be mailed candy, and toys even! If you left your address, I just might send you a thank you card or package of my own!

I was looking at the answer you gave me about the people on MSN who can't take a hint, and I had really bad deja vu. Do you think I had already asked a question like that? -Hufflebunny Also, I'm sorry if you thought I was blaming you about the What If section, i wasn't blaming you :) -hugs -
Maybe you did Hufflebunny! I'd go look, but then I'd get all distracted from answering the rest of the questions here! Thanks for the hugs! It's ok if you have asked similar questions, at least you're not doing it on purpose! If you sent in that question every day and forgot, then I'd have to come over to your house and help you get better by rubbing your head with my tail.

What is the purpose of leg hair, if people just shave it off?-Hufflebunny
I don't shave mine off! If I did, I'd keep it all and maybe send some of it to my friends. Leg hair is good for putting mud on and having it stick. It also makes for some great scabs when you fall on pavement and it rips out! If someone is being mean, you can even pull on it and make them yell! One time I hid under the couch and did that to my dad. He yelled at me but it was funny.

The Insane Domain has been online for almost 9 and a half years. How many of those years have you graced us with your wonderful presence? -Hufflebunny =)
Wow, that's a long time! I've only been here for a few years! 9 and a half years, that's older than me! I wonder if there will be a 10th year party! That'd be tons of fun! Will you hold a party too and send me photos? Better yet, we could have a huge party and everyone can come and celebrate together! We could wear sock monkey porn shirts and everything! Will you come to the party with me Hufflebunny? I'd like balloons, I'd bet they'd be red and black! Think of all the fun party stuff that we could go get! There would have to be cake too, a party isn't a party without a cake!

Why is it that on PEI, they sell canned juice and whatnot, but they don't sell canned pop? It doesn't make sense to me. -Hufflebunny
Canned pop? You mean they only have the bottles there? Bottles are more fun anyway, as you can seal them up tight! You're in PEI? That's not too far, you should be able to come to the party next year and I'll make sure there is tons of both bottles and canned pop for you!

Is it possible to finish the dancing sock monkey Choose-your-own-adventure story? I just couldn't seem to finish it. -Hufflebunny
Oh yes there is. It took me a few times to finally get it, but I did! Well ok, it took me a number of months before I started crying and begged to be told. No one would tell me so it took another 2 months to get it, but I did! You're way smarter than me, so I'm sure you'll get much quicker than I did.

What happened to Qbryzan? He was sick and twisted and highly desirable. PRchick
I don't know who that is. Are you sure you haven't gone crazy? Then again, maybe he is from before I came to the site. I can be twisted and highly desirable too! Just give me a chance, I'll prove it!

you do realize that since dc left this site has been pretty much just shit, right?
Just because you were in love with DC doesn't mean that you have to be mean to the rest of us. I think JCP would be really sad to hear you call the site shit, and I think my answers are a billion times better than stupid DC. He was all bitter and giving stupid short answers. I think that you are pretty much shit, and you should go away as you obviously don't see how wonderful I am, and how nice the site is without DC.

i have been visiting and writing questions everyday for the past 4 months, but neither have my questions been answered, nor insanity resumed. please tell me, am i a lost cause? South West Suicide.
Are you sure you're sending them in right? Unless you're the stupid person who keeps wanting ways to 'masterbait'. I already answered that question so I'm not going to keep answering it, just read the answer I gave the first time and stop bugging me! If not, well you need to hit the SEND button!

If Jesus is the answer, then what was the question? -Realmo-K
I've never been very good at that game. I used to watch that sort of thing on tv with the wall of TVs but I just couldn't get it. I don't want the answer and then guess that question, that's too hard! Have you ever seen sock monkeys on that show? No, and not just because that guy is scary. I'm sorry, I'm just not clever enough Realmo-K.

why the hell do you love me so much? - boo
Me sends in all sorts of hugs and fun questions! How could I not love me? I know you might be sad and jealous, but don't be! I can love you and your questions too if you just send in some nice ones and give me hugs or other things!

where did amy go? did she die? did she disappear? IS SHE BEING HELD CAPTIVE IN YOUR BED!? - boo
I would never hold anyone captive in my bed! Boo, why would you think I'd do such a thing! I hope she hasn't disappeared, that'd be scary! Maybe she's across the street watching you to see what you do when she's gone? Maybe you do strange things, and if you do, can I watch you too?

if I molest small furry stuffed pikacu dolls does that make me evil?thathinguywhois
What are pikacu dolls? I don't have those, I think you should send me one to molest too! Go on thathinguywhois, I know you want to send me presents! I don't get presents very often, and I try so hard to be a good sock monkey. Will you send me dolls to molest? I'll have pictures taken and everything just to show you how much I enjoy it!

Do you support the game "Spank the Monkey"? If so why? Thank you for answering! *hug*- BoredBlondChick
Oh yes, I like a good spanking! Not all monkeys do though so make sure you ask first! It's just mean to spank monkeys that don't like it or don't deserve it. If you want, you can come over here and spank me. I will tell you I've been a naughty monkey and then you can start!

Look! The Alien worm thing is crawling inside his throat!! They're invading arent they herbert? -Stunt Fox
I think they are! Lots of things are invading! I would like an alien worm, I could keep it in a jar and call it Melvin. Melvin and I would travel the world, him in his jar and me in my fancy traveling shoes. I could even come watch you do stunts! That'd be a lot of fun for me and the alien worm, I bet it's never seen a fox perform stunts before.

Um er, um excuse me sir but could you kindly mention to jcp that theres is an error regarding the photos in the what-if results from last month.. I've noticed this for quite awhile and have refreshed the page at least 20 times a day waiting it to be fixed but to no avail ...er... I wouldnt want her to be disrupted by any means and I will send her chocolate bees in apology, I respect all the work she does... and and plesae dont let her be mad,,,,,,,,, please... -Tumble weed.
Poor JCP. She tries so hard and then people just sit and wait for her to notice things instead of being nice and telling her! She doesn't like me much, but she is nice and isn't mean to those who try to help her without rubbing rubbing themselves on her feet. She wouldn't be mad if you just tell her nicely! There is a form for that stuff too! Here it is. As for the chocolate bees, I'd like them! I like chocolate way more than she does! I wonder if you'd eat it and the honey from in the bees would mix with the chocolate. Now I'm all hungry!

Holy smokes, my soccer team won a game today. What happened that made us suddenly do that? McDiablo
I bet it's because you're a great player and Emerald was cheering you on! Have you two been practicing? Has your whole team? I bet that it was special slurpees of pure sugar that did it! Did you get awards and everything too? Wait a minute, it's cold outside, are you playing in the snow? Maybe you have fancy indoor places to play in, I've seen that before. I'd come watch you play McDiablo! I'd cheer you on!

Have you ever wanted to learn another language? If so, which one? McDiablo
Oh yes! I'd like to learn other languages, any of them! I guess if I had to pick one, I'd learn French. Things sound so impressive in French. And sexy. Sexy and impressive. That's something I need to learn so I can go impress everyone and make them feel all special when I spoke to them. Could I impress you with my French McDiablo? I'd still answer questions in English though, French isn't as lovely when it's written down.

Where do houseflys live? From Bla bla Bla
They live in houses silly! Barn flies live in barns, apartment flies live in apartments and so on! If a housefly goes outside, then it's an outhouse fly and needs to find an outhouse to live in.

Can you juggle? I've always wanted to see amonkey juggle !-me*HUG*
I've tried but it all ends up a mess on the floor! I'm not sure how it's done, it looks so easy but it's not! Why?! I tried for a few hours once and it just didn't work! If you sent me to juggling classes, then I'd be able to juggle for you for hours!

Hey, I've realized that my questions aren't pathetic anymore ! Ever since DC stopped answering questions, the "Send your pathetic question" bar was changed to "Send you question". Are my questions seriously not pathetic, or are you just telling us that?-me*HUG*
I think your questions are great! See, DC was so crusty and mean he thought everyone's questions were going to suck. Doesn't that show everyone how much better I am!? You and I make a good team me, we should join forces somehow and take over some place of fun! We could have cotton candy and prizes!

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