Answered by: Herbert
why does jello wobble in the
Hmm, I think that maybe it wobbles and wiggles to keep itself
amused. I mean, if you were jello and could wobble around, wouldn't
you? I'd probably jam some bananas in me too. Yum!
where is your penis?
I can't tell you, but I'll show you. Just come over with some
pizza, anything alcohol filled and we'll explore together. I
think that'd be great. I'll be waiting for you tonight.
what do you think about, Herby?
Oh tons of things. My tail, shoes, playing, eating, playing,
my tail, my ass, other asses, other monkeys, my own tail again,
food, shoes, my tail.
Fill in the gaps: Mort is _______
and I'd love to ____him. In my eyes, he is higher than God.
Infact, he IS ____, ____ and ______! I'd love to touch his ________
____. All hail Mort ____ of ______!
Mort is scary and I'd love to touch him. In my eyes, he is higher
than God. Infact, he IS godlike, spanky and playing with my
tail right now1 I'd love to touch his lovely ass. All hail Mort,
ass of mine! Mmmm ass. Ok Mort so come over and we'll play touching
What if I took over the world?
Well, I should really say: When I take over the world, how would
you celebrate and what would you like to be my servant of/work
as? - Mort
I'd celebrate with candy, playing, chips/crisps, and blowing
up chunks of the earth. As your servant, I will let you beat
me, whip me and spank my bottom. Mmmmm bottom. But I'd be your
favorite servant and you'd secretly love me and keep me warm
How is my development coming
along in the feild of ressurection you ask? Well, we are currently
working on the mutagen code named IMP5 (Impulse mutagen progenitor
- five). The first four having... classified effects. Our human
subjects didn't take nicely to the effects that were unpredictably...
disturbing. IMP5 However should overrule the predecessors, and
soon the mother virus will take hold... it is only a matter
of time now. Bow down and all hail enternal existence within
your mind, for the existence beyond it will be far greater than
ever imagined. If you do not wish to witness this day, I suggest
you prepare for your failure of inferiority now. - Mort
I don't remember asking you that at all Mort. Did this happen
when I got all crazy and drunk the other night? I said a lot
of things apparently. Are you drunk too? You seemed to just
sort of rant on there and I'd like to make sure that you're
ok, and more specifically, not about to drive while drunk. I'll
give you a ride.
If you have ever seen a bed,
you'll know what it's for. If you've ever seen me, you'll know
who not to trust. Everything you have been told is a lie. Discipline
= Obediance = Unity = POWER. It is I that shall one day become
God. - Mort.
This has no question at all Mort! You must be horribly drunk.
I suggest you stop drinking and start playing with my tail until
you are sober and calm. Go on, play with my tail, it will all
be better in the morning.
Why docats get smelly when they
I don't know. Perhaps they shouldn't be fed cheese? Or maybe
you shouldn't smell them. You don't sniff cat butts do you?
I mean they're cute and all but you really shouldn't sniff their
I have an eyelash in my eye.
Can you help me?-bluemonkeyfearer
Mmm yes I can. And then someone will walk in and think they're
catching us doing something naughty and won't believe us when
we say there was something in your eye. Then they'll leave and
I'll hug you until you do want to do naughty things with me.
have you ever had a bloody fart
Well the first time I was submissive and allowed someone to
'enter' me anally, well yes, there was a bit of blood afterwards.
It didn't hurt much, but I did fart the once and a bit of blood
came out. I tasted it to make sure.
Is it just me, or do you find
iPods to be a tad bit overrated/overhyped? McDiablo
I haven't seen one in real life, so I'd have to say yes. If
someone gave me one, well then I just might change my mind.
Do you have an extra one to give me?
Do you like chewing gum? McDiablo
Sometimes I do, but other times I forget I'm chewing it and
then it falls in my fur. It's not fun when that happens. Then
I have to cut off chunks of my fur to get it out.
Where do you go to the bathroom?
I'm just wondering if you're a trained sock monkey and use the
toilet, or if you just take a dump wherever you feel like it?
I doubt JCP would like that... McDiablo
Well when I first lived with JCP, she had me using the kitty
litter. I got in trouble after playing in the sand, so JCP forced
me to learn to use the toilet. I now live with Johnny Poptart,
but I still use the toilet. Ok, so sometimes I piss off the
balcony, but I can't resist. They can both be quite violent
if disobeyed, so I'm a good sock monkey.
how does one trak down flaba?
Flaba? What is that? Ok so maybe my butt is a bit more cushy
than usual, but to call it flab is just mean. Go away.
How many people are likely to
be interested in an insane tale of a three-legged frog, moles,
and getting high off of rainbow sponges?-bluemonkeyfearer
I for one am! Then again, I like a lot of things, and most things
that you do. I'm so supportive! Big hug for rainbow sponges.
Hi, I read your article about
plastic bag collecting. I actually have a pretty large bag collection
myself. Do you know of any sites that I could go to to buy and
sell bags to other interested people? Thanks, Allergicdog01
It's not my article, but I'm glad you liked it. Oh wait, you
never said you liked it. Oh well. Where to buy and sell bags?
I have no idea! You might want to check your local paper and
see if there are any postings. If not, start up your own. Also,
you might want to find this
guy and see if he knows of any.
HERBEEEEEEEEEERT I LOVE U UR
SO HOT... MY question is why are u so hot?
Awww thanks! <blushes> I think it's my friendly smile
and soft tail that makes me appealing to others. If you want,
you can come over sometime and we'll hang out. I can get to
know you and we can do naughty things all day and night.
had a wild night lastnight. I went out to a bar, had a few drinks
with some friends and wound up leaving with a sock monkey. He
looked exactly like you. Was it you? If it was you, why did
you fling poo all over my bedroom walls? I spent all of today
trying to clean it up. You could have called me or something.
Why must you play games with my twisted mind, Herbert? Venomous
Oh my, that wasn't me at all! If I found someone who let me
fling poo around, it would take a LOT to get me to leave afterwards.
This may seem like a crazy question, but um, was I wearing a
sparkly blue jacket? If so, then this isn't the first time I've
heard of this happening. I have the sneaking suspicion that
it's Dirty Darla doing this. I don't know how, but somehow she's
able to look like me and do naughty things, leaving messes for
others to clean up. I'm not sure how to ask her about this though,
as I'm a little afraid of her. Either way, I'm sorry that happened
to you and I hope you're ok now.
what is the dirtest sexuall
nicname for me
Cuddles. Ok so it's not dirty or sexual at all, but really,
it's encouraging affection and isn't that what is truly important
in life? Yes! So cuddles it is. Now give me a hug cuddles.
kermit the frog wants to have
gay sex with your tail what do you do? especially when he talks
about a threesome with piggie thathinguywhois
I'd get very drunk and go along with whatever they said. They've
been at this sort of kinky thing for a long time, so I'll trust
Answered by: Herbert
I'm addicted to eBay. what do
i do? i'm there every fucking hour on the hour buying some horseshit
that i don't need. - SiNiSTaR
Oh no that's not good at all. I say you send all your money
to me so that I can ration it for you. That way you'll have
enough to do something really cool, and can even bring me with
you. Won't that be fun? We could do all sorts of things. A cruise,
maybe a train ride, imagine! We'd have a lot of fun and you'd
never think about ebay again.
another thing that sucks about
shopping - salespeople who follow you everywhere with a sour
expression, as if you're going to fucking steal their cheap
crap! don't you think so? - SiNiSTaR
I agree. Though if salespeople followed me around I think I'd
attach myself to their leg. Maybe then I would be given free
stuff so that I'd leave. It's happened before you know. One
time I was even able to crawl up the lady's leg and into her
skirt. She let me stay there for awhile and then I got lots
of free stuff. Mmmmm free stuff.
Why does johnny keep recipricating
and why does herbert keep trying to lick the hairy part of my
What? I think you're drunk and trying to be funny. Besides,
you'd probably like me licking your toe. In fact, I bet you
have a foot fetish with johnny. What you might want to try are
some fancy shoes on those feet. Shoes are fun! This weekend
I had myself a lovely pair of shoes. It was great. In fact,
I even got to play with another sock monkey! Dirty Darla was
visiting and we had tons of fun.
Hello you! It's been
a while, I've been so busy I've not been able to contact you!
How've you been? Superman Dave
I've been ok Dave, I'm glad to hear you've been busy instead
of drinking heavily. This weekend I had tons of fun, but I've
already said that in the answer above this one. I do have to
tell you that it's very cold here though and damn my tail is
getting frosty. Will you come here and help me warm it up Dave?
i don't understand my
That's too bad! What you need to do is look for help online,
or go over to your teachers house and demand some answers. If
they refuse, threaten to flood their street somehow and destroy
all the stuff in their basement. If that doesn't work, well
then just have a huge hissy fit on their front step. If that
still doesn't work, ask some puppets, they always seem to have
Do you ever get tired
of the same old assholes asking questions all the time and never
going away? - Mzebonga
Not yet, but don't worry Mzebonga, if I do, then it will be
you! Awwwww. Hugs for Mzebonga. Hugs and maybe some cotton candy.
That'd be fun actually. Maybe the blue cotton candy. You'd have
to hold it though, my paws are already quite sticky and my tongue
is already sore from the weekend. Unless of course, you'd like
to lick my paws clean for me. I bet you would, you're just that
kind of guy. Thanks Mzebonga!
beetles are under your carpet
and you want some milk from the milkmans wifes tits who are
you!thathinguywhois P.S. I Iike to masturbate in my under wear
outside in the snow (personally)
What? Under my carpet? There is no carpet here, and it's not
mine even if there were carpet. I think that your severe drug
and alcohol abuse has perhaps gone a bit too far. Maybe it's
your brain freezing while you're out jerking off in the snow.
You should really wear a hat when you're out there.
is mercury a metal or
a planet or a god or a thermometer or a way to produce cold
Yes. It is. And it's the name of that guy who saved that dog
from the burning planet that one time. He had that strange half-cape
that sparkled. One time he even had on disco boots and did a
whole episode in 3D. Boy those were some great episodes, I want
to see them again! Maybe the library has copies.
Are coconuts fruits, vegetables
(grows on trees) dairy products (has coconut milk) or meats
and alternatives? -Hufflebunny and Lampjade
You know, now that you mention it, they should have their own
category. Coconut the food group. I really like the sounds of
that, how about you two? We could make up tshirts to announce
the new group and everything! Let's start that tomorrow as soon
as we wake up.
If I were to change the colour
of the background of my sales page - do you think this would
lead to more sales? It is currently blue and I was thinking
of using a yellowy paper effect - what are you thoughts?
I like blue more than a yellow paper effect, but then again,
it depends on if it suits the site or not. I think you should
have a leopard print background. A leopard is a wonderful cat,
and everyone loves them. I wonder if I could convince JCP to
switch to a leopard print background. I think that would look
Do dyslexic agnostic insomniacs
lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog? Superman Dave
Oh I'm sure they do, but if they're lucky, a dog nearby will
bark, thus giving them proof that one does exist and they can
finally get some sleep if only that dog would shut the hell
Let me tell you about my luck,
I go to look around for a PS2 controller for JCP, they have
none. They have this powertools contraption that looks just
like a PS2 one. I bought one for myself and they work really
good. Would JCP like that instead? --Monkeeskittles
If you're happy with it, then I'm JCP would be too. Do you think
I could come over and play PS2 with you? You seem really nice
and I'm sure we'd have tons of fun! I'll bring snacks, do you
like cheese and crackers? It's my favorite. Maybe I could bring
over my sleeping bag and we'd play sleep over! We'll eat cheese
and crackers until we puke!
Have you ever heard of the site
bonsaikitty...cat...kitten...something like that. These sick
freaks takes kitties and put them in bottles and their poor
little kittie bones start to form to the bottle as they grow
and they have to feed them through a straw and they actually
sell them in a few places. My question is, what the fuck? How
can someone actually do that?--Monkeeskittles
That sounds horrid! I would hope those people would get charged
with something and beaten with sticks. Actually, those people
should be shoved in bottles and then thrown into a river to
drown. Yes, let's go do that. I can't stand to think people
are out there doing that. Get your beating stick and I'll find
us a way to track them down.
Can you love a sexy humping
Oh yes, that's what it's there for. I mean, what is a sexy humping
log if you can't hump it? Make sure you read the instructions
when you first get it though. That will save you a lot of pain
and anguish, trust me.
It snowed last week, but since
I live on the West Coast the rain was a-comin'. Now the snow
is all slushy. Will the slush take over and kill us all? McDiablo
It will try. What you need to do is arm yourself with water
guns. I'm not sure what you'd fill them with exactly, as water
won't help you, but damn, you'd feel pretty cool with some water
guns wouldn't you? Who wouldn't? They're great fun and make
you want to assert your power!
Is there one particular
band and/or singer that you really like at the moment? McDiablo
There is a nature station on the tv and I've been listening
to that. It has birds chirping, water running and everything!
It's like really being outside. Ok, so it's not that fun when
the water makes me want to pee all the time, but that's nature
What is the worst typo
you have made? Mine has to be 'abou tit'. McDiablo
That's pretty funny McDiablo! You know, maybe the worst is when
I try to type it's and sometimes type tit's. I know I've done
that at least once when I emailed my mom. That was embarrassing.
Not as embarrassing as the time she caught me in her dress shoes
while playing with my tail, but still, embarrassing. We said
do monkeys burp???
Of course. We also fart and shit. Sometimes we even scream and
yell for no reason at all. It's fun though, you should maybe
try it sometime.
i had a dream about watching
my groceries in wal mart then losing my keys. so all my ice
cream melted and i was forced to lick the plastic bags before
they could be placed in my collection. do you think this is
an addiction? not collecting plastic bags; i don't have a problem
with that, and i'm not in denial. I just can't stop licking
Well Jenoah, I don't see the problem. So what if you lick them?
It's not hurting you is it? As long as you're not licking nasty
things from them then I think it's ok. Just make sure you don't
listen to them when they start telling you to do things like
putting them over your head and tying up the handles. They're
tricky and will actually suffocate you. I know it sounds like
fun but it's actually not.
have you ever had a 14
inch penis shoved all the way up your vagina and then right
before the penis ejaculates it gets shoved all the way up your
Wow, imagine if I had a vagina! I could do all sorts of things
I can't do now. Wait a minute, is this you asking me out? Hmm,
I think I'll have to say no to you. 14 inches is just too much
for me. How about I instead give you 14 inches?
would getting off to
flattened girls sick or fetish
Flattened? As in dead and flattened? Well I would think that
it would be more sick than a fetish. Well, the definite line
over to sick would be to actually seek out real flattened girls.
That's when you know that you're now fully sick and most definitely
twisted. Maybe just looking at photos is a fetish. I don't honestly
know, you should look up the word fetish and see if it applies.
I want to NOW: 1- how do poeple
bring babes???? 2- can u show ME PICTUERS aboat sex ????? (BITWEEN
BOY & GIRLE )
This must have taken awhile to come up with considering how
drunk you are. But yes, I do have photos that you and I can
look at. Come on over and I'll show you them. Maybe we can even
watch videos! And then we can cuddle on the couch and pretend
we're in the videos!
What is your face? -TonTon
Oh TonTon, sometimes you're so funny and make me laugh. Other
times, like this one, you just confuse me and then I have to
wonder if you're crazy or just pretending.
wot is this got to do with peter
Nothing at all! Isn't that great! I don't even know who he is,
that's even better!
I had to draw *my kingdom* as
a weekly drawing for art class. It had sporks and chocolate
mountains and mushrooms and my own neon green and purple sporky
palace. What would your kingdom look like?-bluemonkeyfearer
Well I'd have it next to yours, and it would be filled with
people who loved hugging and stuff like I do. We'd all wear
fancy shoes and play all day long. We'd even play with each
other, which is always tons of fun! Your people could come visit
us too, and you can stay in the fancy castle that's reserved
for special people like you!
is it that you answer questions every 3 days or so, and now
you don't. why did you get my hopes up? =( -hufflebunny
Well hufflebunny, let's see if this is true. So far this month
I've answered on the 2, 5, 8, 11, 15 and now the 18th. Looks
to me like it has been every three days or so. It seems awfully
mean of you to say something like this when it's just not true.
Here I am, trying to do the best job I can and it's just not
good enough. Why would you do this to me? I'm going to go cry
now. You've made me very sad.
Answered by: Herbert
I know have an automatic vendetta
against URL posting and diatribes without questions, but I thought
that I'd try this anyway. http://homepage.mac.com/demark/tsunami/9.html
The first photo shows the receding waters. That big wave is
the first tsunami. The following ones show the results of the
three tsunamis from the perspective of a surveillance satellite.
Check out the last set of photos. You wonder why 160,000 people
were killed. - Fish
Well that explains it all! Finally! Being the stupid sock monkey
I am, I had to ask what a tsunami was. I asked my mom and she
said it was pronounced 'Tahoma'. So when I asked someone to
tell me what happened with the Tahoma, no one could tell me.
Now I finally know what this is about! Thank you Fish! You're
like that magic talking fish, all helpful and stuff. I'd hug
you but I don't think fish like that. Are you a fish
on wheels? Do you race around?
can I please manipulate large
piles of dismembered genitals into a lustmonster?(humanoid made
entirely out of genitals) thathinguywhois
Mmmmmm a lustmonster! Do you think you'd give it some eyes though?
Do you really want to drag this lustmonster around, or worse
yet, not have it able to get out of the room when you're done?
It should have wheels or legs or something to move it around.
Unless of course you can get it to use penises as legs. You'd
have to clean it a lot too. A stinky lustmonster isn't something
that you want to lust after. I wonder how you would feed it.
<Giggles.> Nevermind. <Giggles.>
I'm very sorry I rushed you
about doing the questions every three days, and made you cry.
If I give you a hug and touch your tail, will you forgive me?
Thanks Hufflebunny, I feel better now. I try to do the best
job I can, and sometimes it takes me four days, but I give you
nice long answers, tons of hugs and invitations to play with
my tail. Give me another hug and we'll never speak of this again.
Instead, we'll speak of sunshine, lollipops, fluffy clouds,
shiny things, salad bars, gingerale and bottoms. (I said bottom!)
There are two people trying
to operate a vehicle but are unsure how, and the results are
catastrophic. There is some weird reference to an old arcade-style
videogame. What does this mean, oh great and mighty Herbert?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know for sure, but it could mean that in a few weeks
ants will take over the planet and force us all underground.
That's catastrophic. Hmmm, did anyone else notice that? CATastrphic.
That's when the cats take over! And who loves video games, cats!
Oh wow bluemonkeyfearer, we've done it! We've cracked the code!
What do we do now? I suggest we go celebrate with punch and
What is your favorite flavor
I like strawberry jam. Did you know you can get seedless jam?
My mom gave me some and it's yummy! No seeds to get stuck in
my fur! There is even a seedless raspberry jam she said. Awww
isn't that nice of moms to give us jam? Yea, thanks mom!
Once, I wrote a question and
forgot to put my nickname on it. Then I wrote another one to
inform you that the previous question had been mine. And it
is nonexistant now. I've looked everywhere. What happened to
Tee hee! Well if you've done that, I just put your nickname
on the first question and get rid of the message where you say
you feel silly for not putting your name, or merge the two questions
into one with your name at the end so you get credit. JCP is
working on datadriving these questions and answers and wants
people to be able to find their questions by searching their
names so I'm just helping you out. Isn't that nice of me? Did
that sound like I knew what I was talking about? I think I used
the right words and everything! See how smart we are bluemonkeyfearer!
Ok, so I have no idea what the hell it means but I sounded smart
and that's what matters for today.
If you're carrying around a
fork with the intent to stab someone with it,( but nobody know's
that) is would a school/cop be allowed to charge you with possession
of a weapon or something ?-me*HUG*
Hi me! I don't think the cop could be allowed to charge you
until you've stabbed the person. Unless you're in a special
school that is actually a reform school and you're not allowed
any sharp objects at all. Then of course he'd be justified in
taking it away and probably spanking you. It's called tough
love, and you have to pay extra for it.
Oh Herbert, are you insane or
are you InSaNe?!
<Giggles.> You said Oh Herbert! I'm not really totally
insane, just a fun sort of insane where I get to run around
naked and say silly things. If I were really insane, maybe I
could get a job with willy wonka. I bet he'd just love an insane
sock monkey! I'd be perfect! I'd be able to eat lots of fun
types of sugar! Mmmmmm sugar.
HOW LONG AFTER SMOKING MARAJUANNA
DOES IT STILL SHOW UP IN YOUR SYSTEM?
Show up in your system? What system? Like computer sort of system?
I don't know much about computers, so you'll have to look for
help online somewhere else. Another problem you're having is
that all your letters are capitals. I think that's a keyboard
thing though. Sometimes it does that to me too until I hit it
a few times and then it goes away.
Answered by: Herbert
Hey bruv, i came along this
website my mistake, but now that im here, i'll ask a question.
How can you say someone or somthing is insane, when insane is
the opposite of sane, meaning normal, when normality dosent
actually exist, becouse everybody is different. Does this mean
everybody is insane? South West Suicide. Bristol. England.
Hello! I'm glad you did come here, even if it were by mistake.
You know, I do think that everyone is insane. I see people doing
insane things all the time on TV, and that encourages others
to do insane things too. Sure, they may be doing things that
I think are the unfun sort of insane, but that doesn't make
what they're doing sane. And then, if one person is tricky enough,
they can convince everyone that sane now means something else
and then we all have to change our dictionaries again.
what is the history of cookies
Well they are first separate ingredients, and somehow they're
put together and then jammed into the oven for awhile. After
the cookies are baked, then they are taken out, cool down and
can be eaten. Isn't that amazing! Who would have come up with
that on their own? One damned smart monkey, that's for sure.
Why doees sugar dissolve
I think that it hopes to bring sweetness to this bitter world.
Sugar is just so sweet that way, isn't it? Oh sure, that was
a pretty crappy answer in many ways, but you couldn't even be
bothered to put a question mark so I can answer any way I want!
All this talk of cookies and sugar is making me hungry now.
Can I have some cookies? I'll be good!
the adorable sock monkey, I wish to ask you a sweet question
about a stupid matter. Once there was a little girl who had
a crush on cartoon boys. She didn't like to imagine her and
them having sex, though. Instead (And I'm sure you haven't heard
this one before), she got her pleasures from thinking of them
vomiting. Creepy, yes? Why is this so? By the way, I love waffles
just as much as you, Herbert! ^_^ And this should be an honor
to you, as I am obsessive over waffles. Love, GalaxyDancer PS.
No worries about this insane girl, for she loves cartoons, and
you are not cartoon. (suddenly evil) Yet exceptions can be made...
A girl that likes puking cartoon boys. You know, I haven't heard
that before, it's a first for me! I wonder why I never thought
of that though. Where is this girl? Is it you? I could draw
a cartoon of myself vomiting if you want? I couldn't stop myself,
I had to, so here it is. Do you like it? Does it turn you on?
Want me to come to your place and puke in real life? I can you
know. Waffles? Mmmmm waffles.
so you're a sock monkey eh?
What are you stuffed with? - Cineworld Jesus
Fluff and stuff and bits of socks and guts and stuff and other
stuff. At least that's what it feels like. Maybe one day I'll
tear myself open and have a good look just to make sure no one
is hiding things in me.
how can i get a verizon phone
if i just turned 18 and i have no credit
I have no idea. Why do you want a phone anyways? You have internet
and that's just as good isn't it? I've never had a cellphone.
I'd imagine that it would suck though. People would be calling
me when I'm trying to do important things and that would suck.
Then again, I could spend hours coming up with and recording
stupid greeting messages, or finding rings that drive everyone
around me mad. As for the credit, buy me stuff and I'll give
you a letter of recommendation you can use instead of credit.
We just got a female dog and
I fear what my little brother will do to her. Any suggestions?-bluemonkeyfearer
Hi bluemonkeyfearer! Yay, you got a dog, and <giggles>
you can say she's a bitch! As for your brother, I say you give
the dog his room, and put him outside on a leash. That way he
can get some fresh air too, which is important for everyone.
Can I come over and see your dog? I won't be naughty I promise.
What impact did the Phoenicians
have on the Mediterraneanworld?
A short-term one. In fact, I bet in 50,000 years no one will
remember them anymore. Maybe I should have a P in front of my
name. Pherbert. Does it make me look smart? Hmm, I think I like
it. What sort of impact do you think it will have on my life
if I change it? Maybe I will be given a job where I get to wear
a crisp lab coat. Mmmmm that'd be fun.
So you're a monkey and humans
are evolved from monkeys, does that make us related, and does
it make us better than you? I think it does. Because of this,
you should now suck on MY tail BITCH! -Ava Noir
Oh Ava, I like you already! I'll gladly obey unless you want
me to put up some sort of fight so you can spank me. I guess
we are related, but not in any recent way so it's quite alright
for us to you know, play together and stuff. <Starts sucking
on your tail.> Mmmmmm tail.
what the fuck is this?
I can't see what you're pointing at. And if this is one of those
tricks by those weird pens that glow in the dark when I'm not
looking, I must tell you I'm not happy about this at all. Stop
How many bananas do you eat
in a day? ~ Kev-Man (GalaxyDancer's dorky brother)
Well actually I'm not allowed any at the moment. Johnny Poptart
(who I'm staying with at the moment) bought me some a few weeks
ago, but I was being naughty with them instead of eating them
so he took them all away and has said no more bananas until
I can behave.
How many other sock monkies
have you met? ~ Kev-Man (GalaxyDancer's dorky brother)
I've met most of these sock monkeys, and a few out in public.
One time I was even ambushed by a rabid monkey out in the wilds
of Ottawa. It was scary, but I survived. Sock monkeys are like
people, they're all mostly different and sometimes very scary.
Like how do you go to the bathroom?
~ GalaxyDancer herself
Well first I have to eat food. Then, I piss or shit out what
I don't need. It works just like it does for most of you, only
that I'm more prone to picking it up afterwards and flinging
it at something. I haven't done that recently, especially since
I don't want Poptart to kick my ass to the curb.
hi, how are you?
Hi! I'm ok today actually. It's a bit cold but I'm keeping myself
warm and that's making me happy. You can come over and cuddle
with me if you want.
What is it like to have
It's great! You should try some of your own! Once you've gone
button, you'll never go back.
herbert I have noticed sometimes
people ask you real questions as if you were going to answer
them with concise intelligent answers instead of silly hilarious
nonsense? those people don't realize that this is a domain for
insanity not a personal help board. would a lust monster only
need to see by heat? then it could find who was horniest an
invade and envelope them. thathinguywhois
I do have concise intelligent answers don't I? Well ok, most
times not, but every once in awhile it's good. Isn't it? If
you sent me my lustmonster already then maybe I'd have more
things to write about and then people could just ask me questions
about that. Mmmm lustmonster. It'd have to have several arms,
six breasts, a nice ass and a candy dispenser.
how do i get control
of my pc
First, you yell at it that it's yours, and no one elses. Then,
you install antivirus software, keep it updated, run AdAware
and stop downloading all those stupid little games you like.
It's fine for you to go find porn, but don't search websites
with zillions of popups, just go to google and do image searches
instead. If that doesn't help, then send it to me and I'll make
it sure it never bothers you again.
what the hell are you, where
am i, what do you want
I am a sock monkey, you're here at TheInsaneDomain and I'd like
some toys, cookies, another blanket, some pizza, fancy pens
to play with, colored paper, a plastic horse, some candy and
a pot of honey.
if questions and answers
can be insane what else is insane? like statements symbols titles
or hang overs?thathinguywhois
Oh yes, all of it! Isn't that great! I have a few insane symbols
of my own. I'd show you but you'd steal them and pretend they're
yours. But we both know they're MINE you horrible stealer you.
Also, give me back my pants that you stole. I know it was you.
Oh yes, shapes can be quite insane too.
Um Have you heard about sock
monkeys in Canada that don't have tails? Canadian Sock Monkey
Do they? Where did their tails go? Did they get chopped off?
I hope mine doesn't get chopped off. I'd cry and cry and cry
until I died. Unless, of course, I could find myself another
one to replace it. Then I'd cry but not die.
mom bought me and my dad some plastic lizards. At first I had
the cool one but then he demanded it and now it's his. I have
a crappy lizard now. This is unfair, don't you think Herbert?
Should I steal it back from him and piss on it to claim it as
forever mine? -Ava Noir
How unfair of your dad! I think you should indeed steal it and
piss on it. In fact, you should piss on everything just to show
how angry you are. Only then can he understand how rude he was
and how he needs to smarten up. Chop the head off the lizard
if he refuses to let you keep it forever. If you can't have
it, NO ONE can.
When you play with your tail,
do you use your right or left hand? Do you have a preference?
Can I try? -Ava Noir
I use both if I can, or switch between the two as one gets tired.
I don't prefer either really, they both are well-trained. And
yes, you most certainly can try! I'll order us pizza to eat
Don't you hate it when random
body parts hurt for no reason? McDiablo
Oh yes, or when parts hurt but you're not sure what parts they
are exactly. The worst is when I get cramps in my tail. That
really hurts and makes me want to cry in the corner until the
world goes away. You and I should cuddle together until we don't
feel anything bad anymore. Oh, and Emerald too.
Are you an expert chopsticks
No, and now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever used
them at all! I will have to go out and find some. Do you have
any I could borrow? Will you show me how to use them? I bet
you'd be a good teacher all nice and insane and stuff. I would
hope that you'd give me a gold star every once in a while too.
Have you stolen anything lately?
Well I did steal one of Poptart's shoes over the weekend, but
I cleaned it out and returned it without his knowing. Does that
count? I do that a lot with shoes. It's why JCP kicked me out
of her place, well that and my constant playing with my tail
while looking at her.
Answered by: Herbert
I moved the cursor down too
fast and suddenly the screen was black! There is a long long
blank inky blackness on the bottom of the question page....
why is this?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know! I think the blue monkeys have poisoned your food
somehow! Oh no! I need more !!!!!!!'s Run away bluemonkeyfearer!
Spit out your food! Come here and live with me in my closet
and I'll keep you safe. Then you and I can bathe together and
get rid of the nasty grime of other people and monkeys we don't
Why don't they make flavored
Any time I've eaten them, they've tasted yummy! I've even had
tasty markers that would smell of things like lemons and cherries
and they were yummy too. You're making me hungry bluemonkeyfearer.
Bring some food with you when you come over!
how do i pierce my pussy
Oh you don't want to do that by yourself. Come over and I'll
help you and make it so you don't have to worry about anything.
I'll even wash my paws and everything just to make sure that
nothing goes wrong.
Why is mzebonga flirting with
the bad guys...mzebonga u know what i mean and herbert i am
sure u can put two and two together...damn mzeboing... whose
side are u on anyway? hehe - ver
Mzebonga you whore! You were flirting with me the other day
too! Unless, wait a minute ver, I'm not the bad guy am I? You
would have said monkey if you had been. So yea, Mzebonga you
whore! I shall spank you until you bleed. There should be a
disco song called Spank The Monkey and you have to slap your
ass when it plays. That'd be great. Mmmmm spanking.
Herbert the adorable sock monkey, thank you so much for answering
my question. No it is not me, but I can brain wash myself into
thinking it's me if you like. I have another stupid story followed
by a question. Once there was a worm that used to live in a
tree. That tree was in the middle of a desert. One horrible
day, a vulture started circling the tree. The worm thought he
had died and gone to Hell!!! But the tree was the thing dieing,
as he soon found out. The tree crumpled into a smoldering pile
of ash and the worm had to move. He moved underground, and found
it to be a great way to tunnel around and eat dirt until he
tunnled so much that he accidentally ran into one of his old
tunnled and started eating his crap. My question is, why didn't
the worm just move into a cactus that was right next to the
tree and just as tall? Perhaps the worm is an idiotic dribbling
moron. Perhaps. Signed GalaxyDancer. Also, if frogs had wings,
would they still have to land on their butts every time they
hopped? Or flip themselves over and land on their wings? Until
the next question, bye!
Dear GalaxyDancer, Thank you so much for writing in! Well I
were a worm, why would I want to hang out in a cactus all the
time doing nothing when I can whip around the desert? Sure,
eating my own shit wouldn't be so fun, but when I was hungry
I'd find that cactus and eat it. Then I'd eat that vulture.
Then I'd eat more sand, and maybe my own shit again. If frogs
had wings, of course they'd land on their butts, it's the most
fun part to land on. Try it sometime! One time I tried it off
a couch and landed on some glass. Glass rhymes with ass. I said
ass! Thanks again for writing in GalaxyDancer. Love, Herbert
On the lovely xanga website
maker thingy they had the TID color template and I was sorely
tempted to use it...but I didn't. Wasn't it nice of me to be
original and not copy the Insane Domain?-bluemonkeyfearer
What is the link to your journal bluemonkeyfearer? You should
be part of our community! Go get
a banner and then tell JCP
to link to you! I think the colors would have looked nice, and
proved that you loved our site! I say it's ok for you to use
them and feel proud. Is it fun to have a journal? I think if
I had one I would put stickers in it. One time I had scratch,
lick and sniff stickers. They were fun.
anyone have the W for Safeway Bingo? I will give $100 obo to
whoever will give it to me. If anyone does, please leave me
your email so I can contact you. -RiotGrrl
You're not talking to me at all are you RiotGrrl. That's just
mean to not even ask a question to me. I don't like you and
I hope you never find your W. I hope you get nothing but Q's.
Now give me the $100 and go away you selfish grrl you.
meat things you are all under
my control and you now must turn into eegg mc muffins and be
eaten by groups of mutant frogs! whay arn't they listening?
One of the problems is that you didn't say "Please"
or "Buttercup". Really, you should try it. "Hand
me the peas please buttercup."
Have you ever tasted a baby?
And if so, how was it?
I've tasted those I've called baby, sure. But I'm not going
to tell you all about them, that's just not very polite of me.
I'll just say that they were all yummy and fun. I've had baby
carrots too and they're yummy as well. I just might see if Poptart
has any in the fridge. He won't notice.
Hello again Herbert. I'm writing
and have actually nearly finished another article... It's going
to be another really awesome one about things you shouldn't
really know about... hehehehaha... are you excited? What did
you think of my 'Necropsy' one? - Mort
Hello Mort! I like saying your name, have I told you that? Morrrrrrrrrrt.
How can you resist saying it like that? You can't! Morrrrrrrrrrt.
Oh I'm very excited Morrrrrrrrt. Your first article was scary,
but in a sort of arousing way. Things I really shouldn't know
about, it sounds like great fun! I'm glad you're here to show
me Morrrrrrrt. When should I expect you to arrive with your
new article? I'll make sure there is punch and pie.
If a doctor loses all his patients,
does he lost his patience? Thank you for answering, Sincerely,
The Blonde Lightbulb
I think that if a doctor lost all his patients, he should not
lose his patience, but instead he should get off his ass and
go look for them so they're not lost anymore. Then, he should
lower their medications and hurt himself for making people get
lost. Thank you again for writing in, I look forward to answering
more questions in another few days. Awww wasn't that polite
of me?! <Blushes.>
Answered by: Herbert
why dont eskimos hunt
I bet that they've made a pact of some sort. Maybe they sat
down with a map and agreed that eskimos take the arctic, and
the penguins take the Antarctic. Then, they wouldn't have to
wage bloody wars for hundred of years. I think that so far the
pact has worked nicely, what do you think? Also, I think that
I'd like to hug a penguin just to see what it feels like. I
wonder if they'd be cuddly. Those emperor penguins must be cuddly,
they'd be a ton of fun to hug.
one day a giant squirrel came
to the forest, but realized that the trees were too small so
he went on to the city and climbed some buildings and nested
in crystal neo tokyo and then sailor moon started to pe him
after she used her moon powers to turn him into a normal sized
squirrel. Question why did sailor moon pet the squirrel?thathinguywhois
(she's touching his tail!)
A giant squirrel? I don't like the sounds of that! Will you
hold me until it goes away? I don't know why anyone would pet
that squirrel, and ew, it's tail! Hold me thathinguywhois, hold
me until it all goes away.
When was the first time you
tried Anal Sex? Did you enjoy it? Did it hurt at all? DingoDonna
I don't exactly remember, as I was sort of drinking heavily
at the time. I remember feeling sorta scared at first, and then
was told to relax or it would hurt. So I think I passed out,
and when I woke up, my bum did hurt for a day or two. I wouldn't
suggest it to everyone, as there are many who just do not find
that thing appealing in any way. Always ask before you do that
sort of thing, it's the polite thing to do.
Does Sock Monkey cum taste the
same as human cum? I like both male and female cum, yum yum.
Maybe you could send me some of yours in a zip lock bag? DingoDonna
Everyone tastes different. A zip lock bag? I think a plastic
container would work better, so it's easier to mail to you.
I'll start working on that tonight for you. Well, ok maybe this
afternoon. <Glances at the rest of the questions.> In
about 30 minutes. What is your address?
I guy I met on the internet
has asked me to masturbate while wearing a pair of my panties.
Then after I've soiled them, I'm to send them to him. He said
he'll pay me $50. Should I do it? And if so, should I tell my
If his screen name is seXXXymonkeyzSPANK, then yes you should
do it for free. <Giggles.> If not, then I guess that depends
on how old you are, and if you really want to do that sort of
thing. Also, for him to send you the $50, that means you need
to give him an address of some sort, and maybe he's an insane
freak who will come hunt you so he can use your dead severed
hands to jerk himself off at night. Don't think he won't.
have you had sex
Oh yes, but if you want, I can pretend it's my first time, and
then you can seduce me and corrupt me and mmmmm we'd have fun.
Dear Herbert the adorable sock
monkey, I forgot to thank you for the picture you drew me. It
was very nice. You should consider taking art classes on planet
Uranus. Anyway, there is yet another matter on my mind thank
I would like to question you about. There was an old woman of
long ago who . . . sewed the gardens to the sky to keep the
blooms from wilting, sewed the land to the cresent moon to save
the world from tilting, stitched the trees onto the clouds to
keep them all from bending, and kept her needle and thread close
at hand for needlework and quilting. My question is, other than
why the hell does that story rhyme, how is it possible to sew
the land to the moon to keep the world from tilting if in reality
the world tilts anyway? The Earth spins on an axis but is tilted
towards the sun slightly for a reason. If it were to be completely
straight up and down, then that would throw off its revolution
cycle around the sun and cause it to slingshot around the sun's
gravity and fly off into space until it got sucked into a black
hole and ended all life as we know it. Also, if she sewed the
land to the MOON, then the world would start spinning insanely
because the moon goes around the Earth not the other way around.
So in conclusion, we would start spinning insanely until we
got so dizzy that we would make purple-flavored cake, and then
fly into a black hole and get compressed to the size of a dust
mite. I'm alergic to dust mite shit. Love, GalaxyDancer. PS.
On another note, how many tennis balls would it take to fill
up a red wagon? Not a blue on, if you were to get the two mixed
up or anything. A red one. Bye!
Oh you're so welcome for the picture. I had fun drawing it for
you. Um, as for the sewing and the moon stuff and stuff, well,
I have no idea what to say. You're too clever for me. How about
I just whatever you say? Do you want me to organize your shoes?
Rub your feet? Rub your back? Your bottom? Both our bottoms?
And it takes about 44 balls. <Giggles.> Balls.
Why do some singers use "la
la la" or "na na na" in songs? Are they that desperate to make
a song longer than 2 minutes or what? McDiablo
Oh yes they are, and maybe sometimes it's because they're drunk
or too stupid to come up with other words. Let me try it out
in my answer here. La la la. Did it make my answer better? I
don't think so. La la la. It's sorta fun though. La la la.
Have you ever witnessed a sock
monkey knife fight? McDiablo
Twice! Once it was very scary but the other time it was very
fun and I even got some caramel popcorn. It was yummy and I
shared it with a pretty girl monkey I saw there. It's not somewhere
I'd let Emerald go though, she's much too pretty to be in those
sorts of places. In fact, I should move in with you two and
give her full time protection. I'll be her bodygaurd. What do
What do you do in order to relieve
[physical] pain? McDiablo
I take pills that will get rid of it, I scream, I play with
my tail and I sleep. If my head hurts I just curl up in a ball
and hope I die until it goes away. Are you feeling pain McDiablo?
I'll come and cuddle you and wipe away your tears.
Just curious, why are you called
"sock monkeys" if your not like... socks. Are you made out of
the sock material or something ?-me *BIG HUG* (i've been gone
for a while)
Well I am made of socks, two of them in fact. Look carefully
at me! (Tee hee, don't stare at my bottom, you can look at that
later.) I'm glad to see you're back, I was beginning to worry!
Were you off having adventures? Will you tell me about them?
Are groundhogs and hedgehogs
the same animals?
I don't know, so let's pretend they are! Maybe I should go dig
up the ground outside and find out if there are any under there.
They'll tell me the truth and then I can tell all of you. We'll
all be smart together! Group hug everyone!