Jan 15/05
Answered by: Herbert

why does jello wobble in the fridge?
Hmm, I think that maybe it wobbles and wiggles to keep itself amused. I mean, if you were jello and could wobble around, wouldn't you? I'd probably jam some bananas in me too. Yum!

where is your penis?
I can't tell you, but I'll show you. Just come over with some pizza, anything alcohol filled and we'll explore together. I think that'd be great. I'll be waiting for you tonight.

what do you think about, Herby?
Oh tons of things. My tail, shoes, playing, eating, playing, my tail, my ass, other asses, other monkeys, my own tail again, food, shoes, my tail.

Fill in the gaps: Mort is _______ and I'd love to ____him. In my eyes, he is higher than God. Infact, he IS ____, ____ and ______! I'd love to touch his ________ ____. All hail Mort ____ of ______!
Mort is scary and I'd love to touch him. In my eyes, he is higher than God. Infact, he IS godlike, spanky and playing with my tail right now1 I'd love to touch his lovely ass. All hail Mort, ass of mine! Mmmm ass. Ok Mort so come over and we'll play touching games.

What if I took over the world? Well, I should really say: When I take over the world, how would you celebrate and what would you like to be my servant of/work as? - Mort
I'd celebrate with candy, playing, chips/crisps, and blowing up chunks of the earth. As your servant, I will let you beat me, whip me and spank my bottom. Mmmmm bottom. But I'd be your favorite servant and you'd secretly love me and keep me warm at night.

How is my development coming along in the feild of ressurection you ask? Well, we are currently working on the mutagen code named IMP5 (Impulse mutagen progenitor - five). The first four having... classified effects. Our human subjects didn't take nicely to the effects that were unpredictably... disturbing. IMP5 However should overrule the predecessors, and soon the mother virus will take hold... it is only a matter of time now. Bow down and all hail enternal existence within your mind, for the existence beyond it will be far greater than ever imagined. If you do not wish to witness this day, I suggest you prepare for your failure of inferiority now. - Mort
I don't remember asking you that at all Mort. Did this happen when I got all crazy and drunk the other night? I said a lot of things apparently. Are you drunk too? You seemed to just sort of rant on there and I'd like to make sure that you're ok, and more specifically, not about to drive while drunk. I'll give you a ride.

If you have ever seen a bed, you'll know what it's for. If you've ever seen me, you'll know who not to trust. Everything you have been told is a lie. Discipline = Obediance = Unity = POWER. It is I that shall one day become God. - Mort.
This has no question at all Mort! You must be horribly drunk. I suggest you stop drinking and start playing with my tail until you are sober and calm. Go on, play with my tail, it will all be better in the morning.

Why docats get smelly when they eat cheese?bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know. Perhaps they shouldn't be fed cheese? Or maybe you shouldn't smell them. You don't sniff cat butts do you? I mean they're cute and all but you really shouldn't sniff their butts.

I have an eyelash in my eye. Can you help me?-bluemonkeyfearer
Mmm yes I can. And then someone will walk in and think they're catching us doing something naughty and won't believe us when we say there was something in your eye. Then they'll leave and I'll hug you until you do want to do naughty things with me.

have you ever had a bloody fart
Well the first time I was submissive and allowed someone to 'enter' me anally, well yes, there was a bit of blood afterwards. It didn't hurt much, but I did fart the once and a bit of blood came out. I tasted it to make sure.

Is it just me, or do you find iPods to be a tad bit overrated/overhyped? McDiablo
I haven't seen one in real life, so I'd have to say yes. If someone gave me one, well then I just might change my mind. Do you have an extra one to give me?

Do you like chewing gum? McDiablo
Sometimes I do, but other times I forget I'm chewing it and then it falls in my fur. It's not fun when that happens. Then I have to cut off chunks of my fur to get it out.

Where do you go to the bathroom? I'm just wondering if you're a trained sock monkey and use the toilet, or if you just take a dump wherever you feel like it? I doubt JCP would like that... McDiablo
Well when I first lived with JCP, she had me using the kitty litter. I got in trouble after playing in the sand, so JCP forced me to learn to use the toilet. I now live with Johnny Poptart, but I still use the toilet. Ok, so sometimes I piss off the balcony, but I can't resist. They can both be quite violent if disobeyed, so I'm a good sock monkey.

how does one trak down flaba?
Flaba? What is that? Ok so maybe my butt is a bit more cushy than usual, but to call it flab is just mean. Go away.

How many people are likely to be interested in an insane tale of a three-legged frog, moles, and getting high off of rainbow sponges?-bluemonkeyfearer
I for one am! Then again, I like a lot of things, and most things that you do. I'm so supportive! Big hug for rainbow sponges.

Hi, I read your article about plastic bag collecting. I actually have a pretty large bag collection myself. Do you know of any sites that I could go to to buy and sell bags to other interested people? Thanks, Allergicdog01
It's not my article, but I'm glad you liked it. Oh wait, you never said you liked it. Oh well. Where to buy and sell bags? I have no idea! You might want to check your local paper and see if there are any postings. If not, start up your own. Also, you might want to find this guy and see if he knows of any.

HERBEEEEEEEEEERT I LOVE U UR SO HOT... MY question is why are u so hot?
Awww thanks! <blushes> I think it's my friendly smile and soft tail that makes me appealing to others. If you want, you can come over sometime and we'll hang out. I can get to know you and we can do naughty things all day and night.

I had a wild night lastnight. I went out to a bar, had a few drinks with some friends and wound up leaving with a sock monkey. He looked exactly like you. Was it you? If it was you, why did you fling poo all over my bedroom walls? I spent all of today trying to clean it up. You could have called me or something. Why must you play games with my twisted mind, Herbert? Venomous
Oh my, that wasn't me at all! If I found someone who let me fling poo around, it would take a LOT to get me to leave afterwards. This may seem like a crazy question, but um, was I wearing a sparkly blue jacket? If so, then this isn't the first time I've heard of this happening. I have the sneaking suspicion that it's Dirty Darla doing this. I don't know how, but somehow she's able to look like me and do naughty things, leaving messes for others to clean up. I'm not sure how to ask her about this though, as I'm a little afraid of her. Either way, I'm sorry that happened to you and I hope you're ok now.

what is the dirtest sexuall nicname for me
Cuddles. Ok so it's not dirty or sexual at all, but really, it's encouraging affection and isn't that what is truly important in life? Yes! So cuddles it is. Now give me a hug cuddles.

kermit the frog wants to have gay sex with your tail what do you do? especially when he talks about a threesome with piggie thathinguywhois
I'd get very drunk and go along with whatever they said. They've been at this sort of kinky thing for a long time, so I'll trust them.

Jan 18/05
Answered by: Herbert

I'm addicted to eBay. what do i do? i'm there every fucking hour on the hour buying some horseshit that i don't need. - SiNiSTaR
Oh no that's not good at all. I say you send all your money to me so that I can ration it for you. That way you'll have enough to do something really cool, and can even bring me with you. Won't that be fun? We could do all sorts of things. A cruise, maybe a train ride, imagine! We'd have a lot of fun and you'd never think about ebay again.

another thing that sucks about shopping - salespeople who follow you everywhere with a sour expression, as if you're going to fucking steal their cheap crap! don't you think so? - SiNiSTaR
I agree. Though if salespeople followed me around I think I'd attach myself to their leg. Maybe then I would be given free stuff so that I'd leave. It's happened before you know. One time I was even able to crawl up the lady's leg and into her skirt. She let me stay there for awhile and then I got lots of free stuff. Mmmmm free stuff.

Why does johnny keep recipricating and why does herbert keep trying to lick the hairy part of my toe?
What? I think you're drunk and trying to be funny. Besides, you'd probably like me licking your toe. In fact, I bet you have a foot fetish with johnny. What you might want to try are some fancy shoes on those feet. Shoes are fun! This weekend I had myself a lovely pair of shoes. It was great. In fact, I even got to play with another sock monkey! Dirty Darla was visiting and we had tons of fun.

Hello you! It's been a while, I've been so busy I've not been able to contact you! How've you been? Superman Dave
I've been ok Dave, I'm glad to hear you've been busy instead of drinking heavily. This weekend I had tons of fun, but I've already said that in the answer above this one. I do have to tell you that it's very cold here though and damn my tail is getting frosty. Will you come here and help me warm it up Dave?

i don't understand my homework!
That's too bad! What you need to do is look for help online, or go over to your teachers house and demand some answers. If they refuse, threaten to flood their street somehow and destroy all the stuff in their basement. If that doesn't work, well then just have a huge hissy fit on their front step. If that still doesn't work, ask some puppets, they always seem to have the answers.

Do you ever get tired of the same old assholes asking questions all the time and never going away? - Mzebonga
Not yet, but don't worry Mzebonga, if I do, then it will be you! Awwwww. Hugs for Mzebonga. Hugs and maybe some cotton candy. That'd be fun actually. Maybe the blue cotton candy. You'd have to hold it though, my paws are already quite sticky and my tongue is already sore from the weekend. Unless of course, you'd like to lick my paws clean for me. I bet you would, you're just that kind of guy. Thanks Mzebonga!

beetles are under your carpet and you want some milk from the milkmans wifes tits who are you!thathinguywhois P.S. I Iike to masturbate in my under wear outside in the snow (personally)
What? Under my carpet? There is no carpet here, and it's not mine even if there were carpet. I think that your severe drug and alcohol abuse has perhaps gone a bit too far. Maybe it's your brain freezing while you're out jerking off in the snow. You should really wear a hat when you're out there.

is mercury a metal or a planet or a god or a thermometer or a way to produce cold fusionThathinguywhois
Yes. It is. And it's the name of that guy who saved that dog from the burning planet that one time. He had that strange half-cape that sparkled. One time he even had on disco boots and did a whole episode in 3D. Boy those were some great episodes, I want to see them again! Maybe the library has copies.

Are coconuts fruits, vegetables (grows on trees) dairy products (has coconut milk) or meats and alternatives? -Hufflebunny and Lampjade
You know, now that you mention it, they should have their own category. Coconut the food group. I really like the sounds of that, how about you two? We could make up tshirts to announce the new group and everything! Let's start that tomorrow as soon as we wake up.

If I were to change the colour of the background of my sales page - do you think this would lead to more sales? It is currently blue and I was thinking of using a yellowy paper effect - what are you thoughts?
I like blue more than a yellow paper effect, but then again, it depends on if it suits the site or not. I think you should have a leopard print background. A leopard is a wonderful cat, and everyone loves them. I wonder if I could convince JCP to switch to a leopard print background. I think that would look great!

Do dyslexic agnostic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if there is a dog? Superman Dave
Oh I'm sure they do, but if they're lucky, a dog nearby will bark, thus giving them proof that one does exist and they can finally get some sleep if only that dog would shut the hell up.

Let me tell you about my luck, I go to look around for a PS2 controller for JCP, they have none. They have this powertools contraption that looks just like a PS2 one. I bought one for myself and they work really good. Would JCP like that instead? --Monkeeskittles
If you're happy with it, then I'm JCP would be too. Do you think I could come over and play PS2 with you? You seem really nice and I'm sure we'd have tons of fun! I'll bring snacks, do you like cheese and crackers? It's my favorite. Maybe I could bring over my sleeping bag and we'd play sleep over! We'll eat cheese and crackers until we puke!

Have you ever heard of the site bonsaikitty...cat...kitten...something like that. These sick freaks takes kitties and put them in bottles and their poor little kittie bones start to form to the bottle as they grow and they have to feed them through a straw and they actually sell them in a few places. My question is, what the fuck? How can someone actually do that?--Monkeeskittles
That sounds horrid! I would hope those people would get charged with something and beaten with sticks. Actually, those people should be shoved in bottles and then thrown into a river to drown. Yes, let's go do that. I can't stand to think people are out there doing that. Get your beating stick and I'll find us a way to track them down.

Can you love a sexy humping log?
Oh yes, that's what it's there for. I mean, what is a sexy humping log if you can't hump it? Make sure you read the instructions when you first get it though. That will save you a lot of pain and anguish, trust me.

It snowed last week, but since I live on the West Coast the rain was a-comin'. Now the snow is all slushy. Will the slush take over and kill us all? McDiablo
It will try. What you need to do is arm yourself with water guns. I'm not sure what you'd fill them with exactly, as water won't help you, but damn, you'd feel pretty cool with some water guns wouldn't you? Who wouldn't? They're great fun and make you want to assert your power!

Is there one particular band and/or singer that you really like at the moment? McDiablo
There is a nature station on the tv and I've been listening to that. It has birds chirping, water running and everything! It's like really being outside. Ok, so it's not that fun when the water makes me want to pee all the time, but that's nature for you.

What is the worst typo you have made? Mine has to be 'abou tit'. McDiablo
That's pretty funny McDiablo! You know, maybe the worst is when I try to type it's and sometimes type tit's. I know I've done that at least once when I emailed my mom. That was embarrassing. Not as embarrassing as the time she caught me in her dress shoes while playing with my tail, but still, embarrassing. We said tit.

do monkeys burp???
Of course. We also fart and shit. Sometimes we even scream and yell for no reason at all. It's fun though, you should maybe try it sometime.

i had a dream about watching my groceries in wal mart then losing my keys. so all my ice cream melted and i was forced to lick the plastic bags before they could be placed in my collection. do you think this is an addiction? not collecting plastic bags; i don't have a problem with that, and i'm not in denial. I just can't stop licking them. Jenoah
Well Jenoah, I don't see the problem. So what if you lick them? It's not hurting you is it? As long as you're not licking nasty things from them then I think it's ok. Just make sure you don't listen to them when they start telling you to do things like putting them over your head and tying up the handles. They're tricky and will actually suffocate you. I know it sounds like fun but it's actually not.

have you ever had a 14 inch penis shoved all the way up your vagina and then right before the penis ejaculates it gets shoved all the way up your ass?
Wow, imagine if I had a vagina! I could do all sorts of things I can't do now. Wait a minute, is this you asking me out? Hmm, I think I'll have to say no to you. 14 inches is just too much for me. How about I instead give you 14 inches?

would getting off to flattened girls sick or fetish
Flattened? As in dead and flattened? Well I would think that it would be more sick than a fetish. Well, the definite line over to sick would be to actually seek out real flattened girls. That's when you know that you're now fully sick and most definitely twisted. Maybe just looking at photos is a fetish. I don't honestly know, you should look up the word fetish and see if it applies.

I want to NOW: 1- how do poeple bring babes???? 2- can u show ME PICTUERS aboat sex ????? (BITWEEN BOY & GIRLE )
This must have taken awhile to come up with considering how drunk you are. But yes, I do have photos that you and I can look at. Come on over and I'll show you them. Maybe we can even watch videos! And then we can cuddle on the couch and pretend we're in the videos!

What is your face? -TonTon
Oh TonTon, sometimes you're so funny and make me laugh. Other times, like this one, you just confuse me and then I have to wonder if you're crazy or just pretending.

wot is this got to do with peter aundre
Nothing at all! Isn't that great! I don't even know who he is, that's even better!

I had to draw *my kingdom* as a weekly drawing for art class. It had sporks and chocolate mountains and mushrooms and my own neon green and purple sporky palace. What would your kingdom look like?-bluemonkeyfearer
Well I'd have it next to yours, and it would be filled with people who loved hugging and stuff like I do. We'd all wear fancy shoes and play all day long. We'd even play with each other, which is always tons of fun! Your people could come visit us too, and you can stay in the fancy castle that's reserved for special people like you!

Why is it that you answer questions every 3 days or so, and now you don't. why did you get my hopes up? =( -hufflebunny
Well hufflebunny, let's see if this is true. So far this month I've answered on the 2, 5, 8, 11, 15 and now the 18th. Looks to me like it has been every three days or so. It seems awfully mean of you to say something like this when it's just not true. Here I am, trying to do the best job I can and it's just not good enough. Why would you do this to me? I'm going to go cry now. You've made me very sad.

Jan 22/05
Answered by: Herbert

I know have an automatic vendetta against URL posting and diatribes without questions, but I thought that I'd try this anyway. http://homepage.mac.com/demark/tsunami/9.html The first photo shows the receding waters. That big wave is the first tsunami. The following ones show the results of the three tsunamis from the perspective of a surveillance satellite. Check out the last set of photos. You wonder why 160,000 people were killed. - Fish
Well that explains it all! Finally! Being the stupid sock monkey I am, I had to ask what a tsunami was. I asked my mom and she said it was pronounced 'Tahoma'. So when I asked someone to tell me what happened with the Tahoma, no one could tell me. Now I finally know what this is about! Thank you Fish! You're like that magic talking fish, all helpful and stuff. I'd hug you but I don't think fish like that. Are you a fish on wheels? Do you race around?

can I please manipulate large piles of dismembered genitals into a lustmonster?(humanoid made entirely out of genitals) thathinguywhois
Mmmmmm a lustmonster! Do you think you'd give it some eyes though? Do you really want to drag this lustmonster around, or worse yet, not have it able to get out of the room when you're done? It should have wheels or legs or something to move it around. Unless of course you can get it to use penises as legs. You'd have to clean it a lot too. A stinky lustmonster isn't something that you want to lust after. I wonder how you would feed it. <Giggles.> Nevermind. <Giggles.>

I'm very sorry I rushed you about doing the questions every three days, and made you cry. If I give you a hug and touch your tail, will you forgive me? *hugs* -Hufflebunny
Thanks Hufflebunny, I feel better now. I try to do the best job I can, and sometimes it takes me four days, but I give you nice long answers, tons of hugs and invitations to play with my tail. Give me another hug and we'll never speak of this again. Instead, we'll speak of sunshine, lollipops, fluffy clouds, shiny things, salad bars, gingerale and bottoms. (I said bottom!)

There are two people trying to operate a vehicle but are unsure how, and the results are catastrophic. There is some weird reference to an old arcade-style videogame. What does this mean, oh great and mighty Herbert?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know for sure, but it could mean that in a few weeks ants will take over the planet and force us all underground. That's catastrophic. Hmmm, did anyone else notice that? CATastrphic. That's when the cats take over! And who loves video games, cats! Oh wow bluemonkeyfearer, we've done it! We've cracked the code! What do we do now? I suggest we go celebrate with punch and pie!

What is your favorite flavor of jam?-bluemonkeyfearer
I like strawberry jam. Did you know you can get seedless jam? My mom gave me some and it's yummy! No seeds to get stuck in my fur! There is even a seedless raspberry jam she said. Awww isn't that nice of moms to give us jam? Yea, thanks mom!

Once, I wrote a question and forgot to put my nickname on it. Then I wrote another one to inform you that the previous question had been mine. And it is nonexistant now. I've looked everywhere. What happened to my question?-bluemonkeyfearer
Tee hee! Well if you've done that, I just put your nickname on the first question and get rid of the message where you say you feel silly for not putting your name, or merge the two questions into one with your name at the end so you get credit. JCP is working on datadriving these questions and answers and wants people to be able to find their questions by searching their names so I'm just helping you out. Isn't that nice of me? Did that sound like I knew what I was talking about? I think I used the right words and everything! See how smart we are bluemonkeyfearer! Ok, so I have no idea what the hell it means but I sounded smart and that's what matters for today.

If you're carrying around a fork with the intent to stab someone with it,( but nobody know's that) is would a school/cop be allowed to charge you with possession of a weapon or something ?-me*HUG*
Hi me! I don't think the cop could be allowed to charge you until you've stabbed the person. Unless you're in a special school that is actually a reform school and you're not allowed any sharp objects at all. Then of course he'd be justified in taking it away and probably spanking you. It's called tough love, and you have to pay extra for it.

Oh Herbert, are you insane or are you InSaNe?!
<Giggles.> You said Oh Herbert! I'm not really totally insane, just a fun sort of insane where I get to run around naked and say silly things. If I were really insane, maybe I could get a job with willy wonka. I bet he'd just love an insane sock monkey! I'd be perfect! I'd be able to eat lots of fun types of sugar! Mmmmmm sugar.

Show up in your system? What system? Like computer sort of system? I don't know much about computers, so you'll have to look for help online somewhere else. Another problem you're having is that all your letters are capitals. I think that's a keyboard thing though. Sometimes it does that to me too until I hit it a few times and then it goes away.

Jan 25/05
Answered by: Herbert

Hey bruv, i came along this website my mistake, but now that im here, i'll ask a question. How can you say someone or somthing is insane, when insane is the opposite of sane, meaning normal, when normality dosent actually exist, becouse everybody is different. Does this mean everybody is insane? South West Suicide. Bristol. England.
Hello! I'm glad you did come here, even if it were by mistake. You know, I do think that everyone is insane. I see people doing insane things all the time on TV, and that encourages others to do insane things too. Sure, they may be doing things that I think are the unfun sort of insane, but that doesn't make what they're doing sane. And then, if one person is tricky enough, they can convince everyone that sane now means something else and then we all have to change our dictionaries again.

what is the history of cookies
Well they are first separate ingredients, and somehow they're put together and then jammed into the oven for awhile. After the cookies are baked, then they are taken out, cool down and can be eaten. Isn't that amazing! Who would have come up with that on their own? One damned smart monkey, that's for sure.

Why doees sugar dissolve
I think that it hopes to bring sweetness to this bitter world. Sugar is just so sweet that way, isn't it? Oh sure, that was a pretty crappy answer in many ways, but you couldn't even be bothered to put a question mark so I can answer any way I want! All this talk of cookies and sugar is making me hungry now. Can I have some cookies? I'll be good!

Herbert the adorable sock monkey, I wish to ask you a sweet question about a stupid matter. Once there was a little girl who had a crush on cartoon boys. She didn't like to imagine her and them having sex, though. Instead (And I'm sure you haven't heard this one before), she got her pleasures from thinking of them vomiting. Creepy, yes? Why is this so? By the way, I love waffles just as much as you, Herbert! ^_^ And this should be an honor to you, as I am obsessive over waffles. Love, GalaxyDancer PS. No worries about this insane girl, for she loves cartoons, and you are not cartoon. (suddenly evil) Yet exceptions can be made... PSYCHE!
A girl that likes puking cartoon boys. You know, I haven't heard that before, it's a first for me! I wonder why I never thought of that though. Where is this girl? Is it you? I could draw a cartoon of myself vomiting if you want? I couldn't stop myself, I had to, so here it is. Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Want me to come to your place and puke in real life? I can you know. Waffles? Mmmmm waffles.

so you're a sock monkey eh? What are you stuffed with? - Cineworld Jesus
Fluff and stuff and bits of socks and guts and stuff and other stuff. At least that's what it feels like. Maybe one day I'll tear myself open and have a good look just to make sure no one is hiding things in me.

how can i get a verizon phone if i just turned 18 and i have no credit
I have no idea. Why do you want a phone anyways? You have internet and that's just as good isn't it? I've never had a cellphone. I'd imagine that it would suck though. People would be calling me when I'm trying to do important things and that would suck. Then again, I could spend hours coming up with and recording stupid greeting messages, or finding rings that drive everyone around me mad. As for the credit, buy me stuff and I'll give you a letter of recommendation you can use instead of credit.

We just got a female dog and I fear what my little brother will do to her. Any suggestions?-bluemonkeyfearer
Hi bluemonkeyfearer! Yay, you got a dog, and <giggles> you can say she's a bitch! As for your brother, I say you give the dog his room, and put him outside on a leash. That way he can get some fresh air too, which is important for everyone. Can I come over and see your dog? I won't be naughty I promise.

What impact did the Phoenicians have on the Mediterraneanworld?
A short-term one. In fact, I bet in 50,000 years no one will remember them anymore. Maybe I should have a P in front of my name. Pherbert. Does it make me look smart? Hmm, I think I like it. What sort of impact do you think it will have on my life if I change it? Maybe I will be given a job where I get to wear a crisp lab coat. Mmmmm that'd be fun.

So you're a monkey and humans are evolved from monkeys, does that make us related, and does it make us better than you? I think it does. Because of this, you should now suck on MY tail BITCH! -Ava Noir
Oh Ava, I like you already! I'll gladly obey unless you want me to put up some sort of fight so you can spank me. I guess we are related, but not in any recent way so it's quite alright for us to you know, play together and stuff. <Starts sucking on your tail.> Mmmmmm tail.

what the fuck is this?
I can't see what you're pointing at. And if this is one of those tricks by those weird pens that glow in the dark when I'm not looking, I must tell you I'm not happy about this at all. Stop it!

How many bananas do you eat in a day? ~ Kev-Man (GalaxyDancer's dorky brother)
Well actually I'm not allowed any at the moment. Johnny Poptart (who I'm staying with at the moment) bought me some a few weeks ago, but I was being naughty with them instead of eating them so he took them all away and has said no more bananas until I can behave.

How many other sock monkies have you met? ~ Kev-Man (GalaxyDancer's dorky brother)
I've met most of these sock monkeys, and a few out in public. One time I was even ambushed by a rabid monkey out in the wilds of Ottawa. It was scary, but I survived. Sock monkeys are like people, they're all mostly different and sometimes very scary.

Like how do you go to the bathroom? ~ GalaxyDancer herself
Well first I have to eat food. Then, I piss or shit out what I don't need. It works just like it does for most of you, only that I'm more prone to picking it up afterwards and flinging it at something. I haven't done that recently, especially since I don't want Poptart to kick my ass to the curb.

hi, how are you?
Hi! I'm ok today actually. It's a bit cold but I'm keeping myself warm and that's making me happy. You can come over and cuddle with me if you want.

What is it like to have button eyes.-maggot_farm666
It's great! You should try some of your own! Once you've gone button, you'll never go back.

herbert I have noticed sometimes people ask you real questions as if you were going to answer them with concise intelligent answers instead of silly hilarious nonsense? those people don't realize that this is a domain for insanity not a personal help board. would a lust monster only need to see by heat? then it could find who was horniest an invade and envelope them. thathinguywhois
I do have concise intelligent answers don't I? Well ok, most times not, but every once in awhile it's good. Isn't it? If you sent me my lustmonster already then maybe I'd have more things to write about and then people could just ask me questions about that. Mmmm lustmonster. It'd have to have several arms, six breasts, a nice ass and a candy dispenser.

how do i get control of my pc
First, you yell at it that it's yours, and no one elses. Then, you install antivirus software, keep it updated, run AdAware and stop downloading all those stupid little games you like. It's fine for you to go find porn, but don't search websites with zillions of popups, just go to google and do image searches instead. If that doesn't help, then send it to me and I'll make it sure it never bothers you again.

what the hell are you, where am i, what do you want
I am a sock monkey, you're here at TheInsaneDomain and I'd like some toys, cookies, another blanket, some pizza, fancy pens to play with, colored paper, a plastic horse, some candy and a pot of honey.

if questions and answers can be insane what else is insane? like statements symbols titles or hang overs?thathinguywhois
Oh yes, all of it! Isn't that great! I have a few insane symbols of my own. I'd show you but you'd steal them and pretend they're yours. But we both know they're MINE you horrible stealer you. Also, give me back my pants that you stole. I know it was you. Oh yes, shapes can be quite insane too.

Um Have you heard about sock monkeys in Canada that don't have tails? Canadian Sock Monkey Dilettante
Do they? Where did their tails go? Did they get chopped off? I hope mine doesn't get chopped off. I'd cry and cry and cry until I died. Unless, of course, I could find myself another one to replace it. Then I'd cry but not die.

My mom bought me and my dad some plastic lizards. At first I had the cool one but then he demanded it and now it's his. I have a crappy lizard now. This is unfair, don't you think Herbert? Should I steal it back from him and piss on it to claim it as forever mine? -Ava Noir
How unfair of your dad! I think you should indeed steal it and piss on it. In fact, you should piss on everything just to show how angry you are. Only then can he understand how rude he was and how he needs to smarten up. Chop the head off the lizard if he refuses to let you keep it forever. If you can't have it, NO ONE can.

When you play with your tail, do you use your right or left hand? Do you have a preference? Can I try? -Ava Noir
I use both if I can, or switch between the two as one gets tired. I don't prefer either really, they both are well-trained. And yes, you most certainly can try! I'll order us pizza to eat afterwards.

Don't you hate it when random body parts hurt for no reason? McDiablo
Oh yes, or when parts hurt but you're not sure what parts they are exactly. The worst is when I get cramps in my tail. That really hurts and makes me want to cry in the corner until the world goes away. You and I should cuddle together until we don't feel anything bad anymore. Oh, and Emerald too.

Are you an expert chopsticks user? McDiablo
No, and now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever used them at all! I will have to go out and find some. Do you have any I could borrow? Will you show me how to use them? I bet you'd be a good teacher all nice and insane and stuff. I would hope that you'd give me a gold star every once in a while too.

Have you stolen anything lately? McDiablo
Well I did steal one of Poptart's shoes over the weekend, but I cleaned it out and returned it without his knowing. Does that count? I do that a lot with shoes. It's why JCP kicked me out of her place, well that and my constant playing with my tail while looking at her.

Jan 27/05
Answered by: Herbert

I moved the cursor down too fast and suddenly the screen was black! There is a long long blank inky blackness on the bottom of the question page.... why is this?-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know! I think the blue monkeys have poisoned your food somehow! Oh no! I need more !!!!!!!'s Run away bluemonkeyfearer! Spit out your food! Come here and live with me in my closet and I'll keep you safe. Then you and I can bathe together and get rid of the nasty grime of other people and monkeys we don't like.

Why don't they make flavored crayons?-bluemonkeyfearer
Any time I've eaten them, they've tasted yummy! I've even had tasty markers that would smell of things like lemons and cherries and they were yummy too. You're making me hungry bluemonkeyfearer. Bring some food with you when you come over!

how do i pierce my pussy
Oh you don't want to do that by yourself. Come over and I'll help you and make it so you don't have to worry about anything. I'll even wash my paws and everything just to make sure that nothing goes wrong.

Why is mzebonga flirting with the bad guys...mzebonga u know what i mean and herbert i am sure u can put two and two together...damn mzeboing... whose side are u on anyway? hehe - ver
Mzebonga you whore! You were flirting with me the other day too! Unless, wait a minute ver, I'm not the bad guy am I? You would have said monkey if you had been. So yea, Mzebonga you whore! I shall spank you until you bleed. There should be a disco song called Spank The Monkey and you have to slap your ass when it plays. That'd be great. Mmmmm spanking.

Dear Herbert the adorable sock monkey, thank you so much for answering my question. No it is not me, but I can brain wash myself into thinking it's me if you like. I have another stupid story followed by a question. Once there was a worm that used to live in a tree. That tree was in the middle of a desert. One horrible day, a vulture started circling the tree. The worm thought he had died and gone to Hell!!! But the tree was the thing dieing, as he soon found out. The tree crumpled into a smoldering pile of ash and the worm had to move. He moved underground, and found it to be a great way to tunnel around and eat dirt until he tunnled so much that he accidentally ran into one of his old tunnled and started eating his crap. My question is, why didn't the worm just move into a cactus that was right next to the tree and just as tall? Perhaps the worm is an idiotic dribbling moron. Perhaps. Signed GalaxyDancer. Also, if frogs had wings, would they still have to land on their butts every time they hopped? Or flip themselves over and land on their wings? Until the next question, bye!
Dear GalaxyDancer, Thank you so much for writing in! Well I were a worm, why would I want to hang out in a cactus all the time doing nothing when I can whip around the desert? Sure, eating my own shit wouldn't be so fun, but when I was hungry I'd find that cactus and eat it. Then I'd eat that vulture. Then I'd eat more sand, and maybe my own shit again. If frogs had wings, of course they'd land on their butts, it's the most fun part to land on. Try it sometime! One time I tried it off a couch and landed on some glass. Glass rhymes with ass. I said ass! Thanks again for writing in GalaxyDancer. Love, Herbert XOXOX

On the lovely xanga website maker thingy they had the TID color template and I was sorely tempted to use it...but I didn't. Wasn't it nice of me to be original and not copy the Insane Domain?-bluemonkeyfearer
What is the link to your journal bluemonkeyfearer? You should be part of our community! Go get a banner and then tell JCP to link to you! I think the colors would have looked nice, and proved that you loved our site! I say it's ok for you to use them and feel proud. Is it fun to have a journal? I think if I had one I would put stickers in it. One time I had scratch, lick and sniff stickers. They were fun.

Does anyone have the W for Safeway Bingo? I will give $100 obo to whoever will give it to me. If anyone does, please leave me your email so I can contact you. -RiotGrrl
You're not talking to me at all are you RiotGrrl. That's just mean to not even ask a question to me. I don't like you and I hope you never find your W. I hope you get nothing but Q's. Now give me the $100 and go away you selfish grrl you.

meat things you are all under my control and you now must turn into eegg mc muffins and be eaten by groups of mutant frogs! whay arn't they listening? thathingutwhois
One of the problems is that you didn't say "Please" or "Buttercup". Really, you should try it. "Hand me the peas please buttercup."

Have you ever tasted a baby? And if so, how was it?
I've tasted those I've called baby, sure. But I'm not going to tell you all about them, that's just not very polite of me. I'll just say that they were all yummy and fun. I've had baby carrots too and they're yummy as well. I just might see if Poptart has any in the fridge. He won't notice.

Hello again Herbert. I'm writing and have actually nearly finished another article... It's going to be another really awesome one about things you shouldn't really know about... hehehehaha... are you excited? What did you think of my 'Necropsy' one? - Mort
Hello Mort! I like saying your name, have I told you that? Morrrrrrrrrrt. How can you resist saying it like that? You can't! Morrrrrrrrrrt. Oh I'm very excited Morrrrrrrrt. Your first article was scary, but in a sort of arousing way. Things I really shouldn't know about, it sounds like great fun! I'm glad you're here to show me Morrrrrrrt. When should I expect you to arrive with your new article? I'll make sure there is punch and pie.

If a doctor loses all his patients, does he lost his patience? Thank you for answering, Sincerely, The Blonde Lightbulb
I think that if a doctor lost all his patients, he should not lose his patience, but instead he should get off his ass and go look for them so they're not lost anymore. Then, he should lower their medications and hurt himself for making people get lost. Thank you again for writing in, I look forward to answering more questions in another few days. Awww wasn't that polite of me?! <Blushes.>

Jan 30/05
Answered by: Herbert

why dont eskimos hunt penguins
I bet that they've made a pact of some sort. Maybe they sat down with a map and agreed that eskimos take the arctic, and the penguins take the Antarctic. Then, they wouldn't have to wage bloody wars for hundred of years. I think that so far the pact has worked nicely, what do you think? Also, I think that I'd like to hug a penguin just to see what it feels like. I wonder if they'd be cuddly. Those emperor penguins must be cuddly, they'd be a ton of fun to hug.

one day a giant squirrel came to the forest, but realized that the trees were too small so he went on to the city and climbed some buildings and nested in crystal neo tokyo and then sailor moon started to pe him after she used her moon powers to turn him into a normal sized squirrel. Question why did sailor moon pet the squirrel?thathinguywhois (she's touching his tail!)
A giant squirrel? I don't like the sounds of that! Will you hold me until it goes away? I don't know why anyone would pet that squirrel, and ew, it's tail! Hold me thathinguywhois, hold me until it all goes away.

When was the first time you tried Anal Sex? Did you enjoy it? Did it hurt at all? DingoDonna
I don't exactly remember, as I was sort of drinking heavily at the time. I remember feeling sorta scared at first, and then was told to relax or it would hurt. So I think I passed out, and when I woke up, my bum did hurt for a day or two. I wouldn't suggest it to everyone, as there are many who just do not find that thing appealing in any way. Always ask before you do that sort of thing, it's the polite thing to do.

Does Sock Monkey cum taste the same as human cum? I like both male and female cum, yum yum. Maybe you could send me some of yours in a zip lock bag? DingoDonna
Everyone tastes different. A zip lock bag? I think a plastic container would work better, so it's easier to mail to you. I'll start working on that tonight for you. Well, ok maybe this afternoon. <Glances at the rest of the questions.> In about 30 minutes. What is your address?

I guy I met on the internet has asked me to masturbate while wearing a pair of my panties. Then after I've soiled them, I'm to send them to him. He said he'll pay me $50. Should I do it? And if so, should I tell my boyfriend? DingoDonna
If his screen name is seXXXymonkeyzSPANK, then yes you should do it for free. <Giggles.> If not, then I guess that depends on how old you are, and if you really want to do that sort of thing. Also, for him to send you the $50, that means you need to give him an address of some sort, and maybe he's an insane freak who will come hunt you so he can use your dead severed hands to jerk himself off at night. Don't think he won't.

have you had sex
Oh yes, but if you want, I can pretend it's my first time, and then you can seduce me and corrupt me and mmmmm we'd have fun.

Dear Herbert the adorable sock monkey, I forgot to thank you for the picture you drew me. It was very nice. You should consider taking art classes on planet Uranus. Anyway, there is yet another matter on my mind thank I would like to question you about. There was an old woman of long ago who . . . sewed the gardens to the sky to keep the blooms from wilting, sewed the land to the cresent moon to save the world from tilting, stitched the trees onto the clouds to keep them all from bending, and kept her needle and thread close at hand for needlework and quilting. My question is, other than why the hell does that story rhyme, how is it possible to sew the land to the moon to keep the world from tilting if in reality the world tilts anyway? The Earth spins on an axis but is tilted towards the sun slightly for a reason. If it were to be completely straight up and down, then that would throw off its revolution cycle around the sun and cause it to slingshot around the sun's gravity and fly off into space until it got sucked into a black hole and ended all life as we know it. Also, if she sewed the land to the MOON, then the world would start spinning insanely because the moon goes around the Earth not the other way around. So in conclusion, we would start spinning insanely until we got so dizzy that we would make purple-flavored cake, and then fly into a black hole and get compressed to the size of a dust mite. I'm alergic to dust mite shit. Love, GalaxyDancer. PS. On another note, how many tennis balls would it take to fill up a red wagon? Not a blue on, if you were to get the two mixed up or anything. A red one. Bye!
Oh you're so welcome for the picture. I had fun drawing it for you. Um, as for the sewing and the moon stuff and stuff, well, I have no idea what to say. You're too clever for me. How about I just whatever you say? Do you want me to organize your shoes? Rub your feet? Rub your back? Your bottom? Both our bottoms? And it takes about 44 balls. <Giggles.> Balls.

Why do some singers use "la la la" or "na na na" in songs? Are they that desperate to make a song longer than 2 minutes or what? McDiablo
Oh yes they are, and maybe sometimes it's because they're drunk or too stupid to come up with other words. Let me try it out in my answer here. La la la. Did it make my answer better? I don't think so. La la la. It's sorta fun though. La la la.

Have you ever witnessed a sock monkey knife fight? McDiablo
Twice! Once it was very scary but the other time it was very fun and I even got some caramel popcorn. It was yummy and I shared it with a pretty girl monkey I saw there. It's not somewhere I'd let Emerald go though, she's much too pretty to be in those sorts of places. In fact, I should move in with you two and give her full time protection. I'll be her bodygaurd. What do you think?

What do you do in order to relieve [physical] pain? McDiablo
I take pills that will get rid of it, I scream, I play with my tail and I sleep. If my head hurts I just curl up in a ball and hope I die until it goes away. Are you feeling pain McDiablo? I'll come and cuddle you and wipe away your tears.

Just curious, why are you called "sock monkeys" if your not like... socks. Are you made out of the sock material or something ?-me *BIG HUG* (i've been gone for a while)
Well I am made of socks, two of them in fact. Look carefully at me! (Tee hee, don't stare at my bottom, you can look at that later.) I'm glad to see you're back, I was beginning to worry! Were you off having adventures? Will you tell me about them?

Are groundhogs and hedgehogs the same animals?
I don't know, so let's pretend they are! Maybe I should go dig up the ground outside and find out if there are any under there. They'll tell me the truth and then I can tell all of you. We'll all be smart together! Group hug everyone!

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