Oct 12/04
Answered by: Herbert

Hypothetically and with as much imagination as you choose, how can you drive a truck to the moon? This question was asked of me by a teacher.
Well I'd build myself a ramp to it and drive on over using the steering wheel etc. The road would be elastic though and be able to deal with the spinning of the Earth and all that fun stuff.

What would you do if i decided to invade the world with my russian army and killed every1 in sight who i didnt like!? Forkorc
Hasn't someone already done this sort of thing already with the Russian army? I say you come up with something new and fun like elastic roads to the moon.

How the hell do you answer questions? Your a falking sock monkey, and have no brain. I'm not trying to insult you, but you're an inanimate object. - Chaos_Zero
You come to my place and I'll show you just how animate I can be. I'm able to bend and twist like you never could, and I can get very excited indeed. No inanimate object can rub its own tail.

Hello, my name is shpankey, I'd like to know the real reason people watch teletubies? theyr brain washing AREN'T THEY?
Hi shpankey! I wonder how many others will say your name outloud to get what it says? I don't think that people watch teletubbies, but kids do. Kids watch a lot of very stupid and pointless things, maybe we should blame the parents for sitting them in front of the TV watching something dumb?

Last week, I gave you a shoe and asked if you'd answer the questions. then that day, you answered. Was it because I gave you that lovely shoe? -hufflebunny
Of course! I'm hoping for the matching one soon.

Will "My The Insane Domain" ever be back??? I must expose all to my corrupting tales of doom and blobs.-bluemonkeyfearer
Hmm, I did ask JCP about that. She said she's thinking about it, but is currently working on a mailing list sort of thing for updates etc since someone wrote in and reminded her to do it.

Have you ever been to the ranisaince festival ? Dude, that place is the shizzle. You go there, and everyone's either a massive D&D dork or a whiney Goth. Either way, it's fun to see them get a dressy and try to role play. Then you got the freakin' food man. Get all high, and suddenly , fried cheese becomes very appealing. Do you think I'd look sexy in tights and a poofy Medieval shirt ? -me
I'm sure you'd look DAMN sexy in that outfit! Be sure to send me photos so I can touch my tail while looking at them. Sadly, I've never been to one, and JCP refuses to go. She's even gone so far as to have me move in with Poptart, a whole 6 hours away from her. I told her she could be my princess cuz she's got long blond hair, but all she does is tell me to fuck off.

what if you went to the bathroom and blood came out?
I'd cry and cry until my tears were blood too. Then I'd go see a doctor.

If I was to send you all of my old shoes in boxes with pretty bows on them, would you go tell JCP to make sock monkeys that are not deceivingly blue but the normal, identifiable blue?-bluemonkeyfearer
JCP doesn't make the monkeys, DC (and my) mom does. JCP is just the pimp, whoring us out to you. No more are being made at the moment, but if my mom goes to make more, I'll suggest it! Having light blue monkey brothers/sisters would be fun! I've seen a hat and pair of socks with blue monkeys on them, JCP said that she was going to use them as prizes or something sometime soon.

What would you do if you...*deep breath* wanted some ice cream (shoe flavor) and so you told JCP to hurry the *bleep* <--(I said bleep :D ) up and go get you some so she got mad at you and therefore threw old cheese at you so you had to run from the cheese stench and you ended up out on the street and you hitched a taxi ride with a hermit whose cave had been nuked by Osama bin Laden and you slapped him for being stupid and babbling endlessly so he kicked you out of the cab and you found yourself in the middle of a dank, dark, evil, foul alley with no money and no cell phone and no clue where you are? A. Do the insane sock monkey dance to summon your sock monkey friends to aid you... B. Go set something on fire... C. Go rob a shoe store... D. Who cares, and what a ridiculous question... E.None of the above...F. Go find out where I live and kill me for posing such a long and difficult question... or G. Any combination of the above except E because E is none of the above. Please forgive me for being complicated-bluemonkeyfearer
I'd pick A, B, E and G. What a fun question! How nice of you to spend the time writing it all out for me. You must really like me! It's because I'm not blue isn't it? Yay!

do sock monkeys have a home wold, if so, what do the space ships they got here in serve for lunch?
They sure do, and grilled cheese is what they serve.

my x girl friend is not toalking to me and telling people to say mean things to me, all because i wouldn't let her put lip stick on me for "twin day" (homecoming) my question is why do girls throw stupid fits over pointless things like 4 year olds?
It's not just girls that have little fits, but yes, some of them are quite dumb. The thing to do is to go for the smart and fun chicks, the ones that don't like shopping, makeup or any of that stupid shit. They do exist!

What can you tell me about what I need to know, seriously-CMZ
I can tell you all you need to know and more. It's all up to you and the questions you ask.

What in the blue hell are you doing here? You know they don't want you... They all want me back. You suck, I rock... END OF. - Mzebonga
Hi Mzebonga! Wow, you wrote to me! So much for that time when you said you'd rather knaw off your own arms than talk to me again! It's so nice to have you back. I'll suck you anytime!

Where can I find monkey chow?-bluemonkeyfearer
They come in a variety of bag sizes, so for the 10 pound and under, go to the local monkey supply store, and for the larger sizes, you may have to go to the wholesale monkey supply store.

Why do monkeys brachiate? - Mort
Hi Mort! I don't know that word, so I can't answer your question. Let's pretend you asked me about ice cream and I'll say vanilla.

Pick one: Broom or mop?
Broom! It's not all nasty and wet. Hmmm, nasty and wet. I think I'll change my answer.

let me clarify something FIRST! - Insane, Unsane, Sane. assume that the following definitions are true| Sane : the not-unsane/insane state of mind, a neutral state of 'in/un/sane. Insane : Inside of sanity, opposite of Unsane, the state of mind when mental immagination becomes reality. Unsane : out of the realm of sanity, opposite Insanity, the state of mind where mental immagination is just your mind, and reality can be either real, or made up| now the question, Why do you call youself insane, when 'insanity' is really being sane(assuming for now that sanity is in its real definition)? and Why do sane people say that they are sane? when if they where sane, than that would mean they where 'insane(once again assumption)'? - General Sock Penguin
Hello General Sock Penguin! All this talk of being insane/unsane has made me hungry. Instead of going over what some silly book says about what the word means, I think I'll have a sandwhich.

Am I here?-bluemonkeyfearer
You were but now you're there!

Roller blades or roller skates? McDiablo
Roller blades of course! They're much more fun and have brightly colored wheels.

Do you like Thanksgiving? Quite frankly, I'm not a fan of turkey...well, the leftovers anyway. McDiablo
It's one of those holidays that mean nothing to me. I don't get any presents, no one comes home with me drunk, and people try to jam my face full of something that has been up a turkeys ass. How about you and I make our own holiday and run off to celebrate it together?

Have you ever used mouthwash and accidentally swallowed it? McDiablo
Oh no, I'm a sock monkey so I have wonderful breath all the time. Ok, so that's a lie, but mouthwash is too much work for me. I just chew gum. Then someone has to pry it off my fur when I forget to chew it.

When do you know you're insane?
You ask me and I'll tell you.

are you gay?
I'm whatever you'd like me to be as long as you touch my tail.

Can u have sex with 6girls and a dog and a rabbit at the same time?
Oh yes but you need to get written permission from them all, have them all tested for various diseases and then carefully plot out who goes where so no one gets hurt.

The highlight of my weekends probably been ordering the debut album by The Amenta. That's about it though. Material stuff. Then it's college. Everything's so... conspiracised. Why is everything in this world is out there to bore or piss you off? Bastard world. - Mort.
Who? I did a search and nothing came up. Is this some more of that black metal you're so fond of? Sometimes that scares me, especially when they burn down churches and sit in jail writing things. As for being bored and pissing you off, come here and visit. I'll amuse you.

SO, >herbert>, You answer insanely questions eh? how bout this one, Why do dogs sniff the butts of random passerbyes? why can't they just shake their hands and howl a hello or two? I mean COME ON! is it so hard to have a little PRIVACY around here?! omg I so [insert 'hate' word here] dogs! PFFT, >.> - General Sock Penguin
Dogs do that because that's the way their society is. If you can just convince the rest of the world, we could all do it! Oh, you DON'T like it. Hmmm, well then I say you wear plastic pants to stop the smell getting to the dogs.

So, How many gasolin-ed up sock monkeys does it take to turn off the sun?-General Sock Penguin
None, it's impossible!

which socket should my playstation connect to my fridge with?thathinguywhois
The one labelled CONTROLLER 1.

Is there any real use for the pinky toe, other than using it to count to twenty?
You'd be surpised what that toe does. Sure, it does it while you're not looking, or while it's all covered with socks/shoes, but it's working for the greater cause.

who WOULDN'T wanna fuck mike patton??? - SiNiSTaR
People who experience pain in a non-fun way during sex would not want to fuck him. Other than that, I see no reason why someone wouldn't.

i have this shitty flatmate, see, and she lives like a filthy pig, she never ever does her dishes, she steals toilet paper and toothpaste, and our food... and she has left her half-uneaten food and dirty dishes by the sink for days, no WEEKS, and the rest of us are like fuck no we're not cleaning up her shit, and sometimes her mouldy food actually gets pissed off sitting there so long that it gets up and walks away by itself. And have you EVER seen mouldy JELLY? I guess my question is - what can i do to her to totally wake her lazy filthy ass up??? - SiNiSTaR
You take all her dishes etc, put them all in a box and put them in her room. That, or pile them in her tub/shower. It's her problem, so she can live with the stink. Hide your plates etc so she can't use them. Sit her down and discuss her habits and tell her she needs to change or get out. Having that sorta stuff around isn't good, it encourages bugs to come into your home. Put a lock on your door, you can do that in a rental unit as long as you switch it out to the original doorknob before moving out. Some places require you leave a copy of the key, but if you don't tell them, they won't know. That will stop her from getting into your room, and just keep all your stuff in there. Wow, how was that for a coherent answer from a sock monkey? No one can say I'm NEVER helpful.

do you understand me do you ever think about me when you're peeing? do you ever think you're going to grow into a human being? - SiNiSTaR
Don't you remember? We called you puppy. Now you're one of us, we call you family! Now come here so I can rub your tummy SiNiSTaR.

if you were about to die and someone says "you're gonna die, how does it feel?" what would you say? - SiNiSTaR
It depends greatly on how I'm dying. If it's a bullet to the head, I'd feel sort of pissed off. If it were an asskicking, at least I'd have a chance to fight back, and I'd be happy for that.

Why has it been over a week since you have answered questions? Are you on vacation? Did someone send you a surplus of shoes? I knew it. You've been in a hotel room with sixteen pairs of shoes for the last week, haven't you???-bluemonkeyfearer
Oh bluemonkeyfearer, I'm a lazy little monkey. I get distracted so easily until JCP sends me threatening letters or someone offers me shoes.

are you real
Come here and check for yourself. Bring condoms.

Oct 18/04
Answered by: Herbert

okay, this isn't a question, but anyhow. *gives matching shoe for the other i gave you* - hufflebunny =)
Oh wow! Thanks ever so much hufflebunny!

If you had a mental breakdown and began doubting reality and nearly lost your mind due to things that it hurts to remember, until you finally sought help and managed to save yourself from yourself, then stopped taking the meds and were all right but were now an alcoholic and had a paralyzing fear of hallucinogens for reasons that it hurts to remember, and found your mind slipping into places it shouldn't because it makes you remember things that hurt..... would you prefer crunchy or smooth peanut butter for that sandwich you realized you were hungry for? -Archbishop Shaggy
Crunchy! At that point, it'd taste like brains to me or something equally crazy but it really isn't and that'd be funny.

Why does my ass hurt, and where were you while I was sleeping?
I'm sorry, I thought I had been gentle. You should spank me so I learn my lesson.

Is it true that a sock monkey can reach a velocity of mach 3 when catapualted out of a trebouche in the Virgin Islands?--SkyofStLuke
A trebouche? What a funny word that seems to be. I wonder what it means?

Have you ever had a Slurpee? McDiablo
Sadly no. Every time I try to go into a place and order one, I can't quite reach the machine. Then, when someone tries to lift me up to them, I get all excited from them touching me and they throw me down in disgust. One time I sorta licked a bit of slurpee off the floor but I think it was just some mud because it tasted like dirt.

Would you like to be a robot for a day? If yes, what would you do? McDiablo
A robot monkey? That'd be fun! I'd stomp around and do robot things all day long. I'd say things like "computing" and people would think I'm smart and try to touch me.

Why is root beer called 'root beer'? I don't think beer has roots--or does it? McDiablo
I've never thought about that. I'm going to go bury a can of it and see if it grows any!

I recently had an issue with a certain sock monkey, i (being half dog) have shreaded many articles of clothing (shoes as well... mmm) and when i was going to try a sock monkey, he smelt an awfel lot like toe jam... do all sock monkeys smell this way? - wolfman
You shred shoes? How horrible. Why would you do that? JCP does that to my shoes sometimes, saying they get in the way of her pair of boots. What she doesn't know is that sometimes I smell her boots when she's not looking and even put my tail in them. You deserve a spanking wolfman, and so does JCP. I'm just the one to do it too. Mmmmmm shoes and spankings.

Is my bad luck ever going to end?
Sure! If not, then I'll come hug you and you can cry on my shoulder.

herby why for art though a monkey made from foot apparel of large apes? is it not noble to behold such a suprising being, crafted with care from fine woolens?imbued with a sweet innocent funny personality that befits it? a wonderful thing this is ladies and gentlemen send in shoes for him, maybe he'll give old molested shoes away for fans? mmm.... molested shoe.Thingthatguyiswho
Mmmmm... molested shoe.

how do bus drivers close there bus doors when they get out of the bus?
Magic and mirrors! Oh, or they have one of those fancy keychains that lock/unlock, close/open doors and make the car beep.

how do u wack off if u dont have a peis?
A peis? Well apparently I don't need one of those. I have a lovely tail that I can play with. That all of us can play with really.

how can i obtain one of those awesomely cool and powerful sock monkeys... FOR FREE? ill do anything! ill, ill, GIVE YOU A SHOE! - Wolfman
Nice try Wolfman! Giving me a shoe isn't exactly free though is it? No sock monkey for you! Besides, hufflebunny gives me much nicer shoes then you do.

Is a prerequisite of being a politician to be ugly? Any politician who isn't ugly was probably an actor beforehand (I'm not saying that Arnold Schwarzneggar is attractive). Is it just to prove that good-looking people may dominate in areas such as entertainment but will never run the country? I mean look at Helen Clarke (NZ) and have you ever seen more lop-sided eyes and a wonky nose than George Bush's?
Hmmm it's starting to make sense now.

Why do you think it is that Osama Bin Laden has a nice face and looks like Jesus? It's kind of ironic don't you think?
I don't remember saying I thought he had a nice face, but then again, perhaps I was drunk. That happens sometimes!

It's 11:15pm on a Sunday Night and I have to start writing a 2000 word bio essay. Why did I choose this silly subject and why can't I just go and read Terry Pratchett instead? - Fish
Well that's the sorta thing you gotta do when you go to that place called school. Just write the silly essay and then read and read until you're filled with lovely stories.

herby how many schooners does it take to destroy a natural tribal culture that don't wear shoes?thathinguyiswho
I want to say nine but something tells me I should say five. Am I right? Do I win?

herby can i molest sugar cubes while you film me inside a plastic bubble?thathinguywhois
Sure! Sounds like a lot of fun!

Is DC in a top secret government facility?
It's unsure where he's been as of late. I've heard whisperings that he's been out of contact for awhile now. In his absence, I say that his name be removed from the site and mine put in his place. It's for his own safety of course.

are cherios little doughnut seeds?
That's just silly! They are seeds for larger cherrios. It takes too long for them to grow though, so don't try.

I am conducting a potentially illegal bio-chemical and viral laboratory experiment involving the cell mutation of humans and manipulation of cerebral structure and thought patterns. I'm strapped for vollunteers. I was wondering if you could possibly help me out. Specifically, I'm looking for a fresh female subject aged between 20-35 years, uses her brain constructively in an intelligent conduct, does not smoke or take mind-altering drugs, and is not afraid of seeing what the world is really like living in perpetual fear and experiancing an intense psychic breakdown - insanity. This is for the evolution of the procreation of human kind, so your help would be very much appreciated. The nature of this experiment, classified. Any suggestions? - Mort
How tricky of you Mort! Up until the procreation of mankind you had me thinking, but that's just a fancy way of saying that you're looking for some sex and then babies. I think you'd have much more luck without the whole babies part, they're loud and annoying. Also, they pull on tails and that's not near as fun as it sounds. It makes me cry. Don't make babies that make me cry Mort, that's so very wrong.

I have a book from the school library but it's almost 6 weeks overdue. should I take It back, hide it, or give it to you? -Hufflebunny
Well you could take it back, but hide it on the shelf where it should be. Then, the next day, come in and go to check out a book. WHen they say you have that other book, complain that you returned it. Get them to check the shelf. Not that I'm encouraging this. Libraries are important and you should return them on time from now on!

I just got out of the shower, and i realized, I had conditioner in my ear. so basically, i got back in the shower and cleaned my ear own, which was a pain having to dty off again, and my ear was full of water. any suggestions for if this happens again? -Hufflebunny
You need to create a checklist for when you're in the shower and practace getting clean all over!

Does Mr. Campbell own a comb?
Yes and he licks it when you're not looking, but I was and I saw!

I've licked those square 9 volt batteries and they zap my toungue. Will this hurt me? *licks battery* -Hufflebunny
Well I imagine you've been doing that since you sent this question in, so, does it hurt yet?

Oct 25/04
Answered by: Herbert

So, Youve been elected president, and suddenly you have a choice, Go to planet pluto, and become the ruler of the Hegemon there, or, stay here, and resolve the petty earthingy problems?! - God's Apprentice... {looking for job aplications... pray me if you need me}
For real elected or just pretend elected? I'd stay here and give everyone hugs, and if they don't like it I'll just hug them so hard their heads pop off.

Should I feel special because I got a *good question award*?-bluemonkeyfearer
You should feel proud and special! Get some balloons, tell the family, have some cake. I'd like cake, would you share the cake with me?

Is wanting to have sex with your girlfriend, her mom, her sister, her cousin and her bestfriend at the same time wrong? Curby
Wow, I have a girlfriend? That's great! I'm happy with just that! Anything (or anyone) else is just bonus!

can canibis be tracable through hair
Who? I don't know.

If I wrote a romantic explicit novel about a stray shoe in a dark alleyway escapades could I gaurantee you to purchase every copy, it will come with a little miny shoe keychain with a torn tounge and everything... only breaks under 4 weeks, So?-ObSeCa
I'd buy one copy, but I'd like to hope that you'd instead give me a copy for free so I could have more money for candy. Mmmmmm stray shoes in alleyways.

Do you own a Purple Monkey Dishwasher? -Hufflebunny
No I don't, Ralph stole it from me. Don't you just love the sound of saying it though? Brillant.

I have a lot of chocolate. Do you want some? McDiablo
Sure! I can see why Emerald likes you so much. Will you and her be writing stories for me sometime? I bet you could come up with something good. Slurpees, shoes and Emerald and me and you and maybe some ice cream and some chocolate!

There are three shows on TV on Thursdays that I enjoy watching. They are all on at the same time, so that means I can watch one, tape the other...but then I'll have to miss the third one. How am I going to plan this one out? (P.S.: My life doesn't normally revolve around the TV...help!) McDiablo
Get a friend to tape the third show, or have Emerald go out and steal a taped copy of the show from a neighbor. You could also write hate letters to the stations, demanding they put the shows on at different times. It just might work!

What's the last movie you watched and did you like it? McDiablo
It was Nightmare Before Christmas, it on for free on the TV! It was great fun. I like all the pumpkin heads they make me laugh.

Hi Herbert! I have two questions for you. Would you be interested in a slightly used pair of dirty black converse? Where is JCP? Tell her I said Hi, and that I am getting an X BOX and GTA3 I believe for Christmas, does she want to come over to play the game? You can come too Herbert. Oh wait, that was 3 questions, but you won't hold that against me, because I have shoes *dangles shoe* That's what I thought.---Monkeeskittles
Yes I'd like the shoes, JCP is far away from me since she sent me away to live with Poptart, I'm sure she'll be happy to hear of your purchase of GTA. That game is quite fun! We'll all come over! By then I'm sure she'll allow me in the same room as her again. Mmmm shoes.

Is my brand new fretless bass not the coolest invention in the entire universe ever? Or was that the letter "p"? - Fish
It sounds like great fun. You should invite me over to play with it.

Does cheese have sex with lettuce? ChunkyFlamingoTesticles
Well sometimes I hear things moving in the fridge but when I open it, there is nothing but food and a light shining. Yet when I close the door, more sounds are heard. So maybe that's what the noise is. I love cheese though, I hope it's not cheating on me, but if it does, and it makes it taste better, then that's ok.

If you made a baby sock monkey using baby socks, how long would it take to grow up into a big sock monkey?-bluemonkeyfearer
Sock monkeys work a bit differently. Whatever size we're made, that's it, we're that size forever! Small sock monkeys are always small, and big ones are always big! Good thing I was made big so I don't have a complex or anything.

Should I give my feet nicknames and, if so, what should they be?
Sure, why not?! Just don't give them lame names like Lefty and Righty.

Here is a question I haven't seen anyone ask before- WHY is DC in hiding?-bluemonkeyfearer
DC went away claiming he had a new job. Then he disappears for a few months. Comes back claiminig it was all a set up, and that people with white coats are chasing him. Then, he says he has to go into hiding again to get away from them, and disappears again. I think that's a bunch of crap! I think he's out doing something horrible like hunting seals or something. Or maybe he's got some horrible itching sexual disease and doesn't want to share his pain with us. Either way, I'm much cuter, so who needs him anyways? This site has only gotten better without him. I'm going to start a petition to make it so he never returns again. Will you sign it?

My GOD. Why does the internet have to be so shit?! I don't know if it's just me, but every sexual connotation has been linked to some search engine. For example 'anal' of 'analogy' and such. Pisses me off. Aside from that, about fifty pop-ups appear every time I connect to the net. Who are these people?! How do they do that?! Grrr, someone's gonna die tonight... - Mort
Mmmm dying. Who did you kill? Popups suck, especially when you're sitting across from a pretty girl and up it pops. Have you run AdAware on your computer? It helps get rid of computer popups, but not the pretty girl kind. Haha, you said anal.

DO sticks grow on trees ?
Yes they do! I've seen them out there growing at night.

Why do people change their MSN Names to things like "Herbert! Come online!" when they're obviously offline, andf they will never see the message until the decided to go online? It seems a bit pointless -Hufflebunny
That sounds pretty dumb. I say you send them messages telling them to shut the hell up. Don't forget to include frowny faces.

Saw your article on plastic bag collecting, do you have any infor on Paper Bag Collecting?
Well it's not MY article, but it'd be nice if it were. In fact, I haven't written any articles that were posted yet. How bad is that? I wrote several about shoes but JCP refuses to put them up, saying she hates shoes, and most epsecially hates me. I have no adivce for collecting paper bags, sorry.

What should I be for halloween? FartMonkey
Be a mohawk. Not the native indian, but the hairstyle. Just be a large tuff of hair. Ok, so that's a bad idea but I just dress up as I'm told by others. Dress up as me, and people might touch your tail!

why do yaks stink
It's their thick fur. It may look warm and cozy but it's stinky and itchy. Somehow it works for them though.

will i need to go out for halloween with a cat so that the cats can keep control? I don't want to disobey our masters. I guess the dog costume is out.
The cats don't mind you dressing up as long as you don't try to touch their bottoms. Haha, I said bottom! Mmmm bottoms.

what is sex
It's beyond explaining, so come over tonight and I'll show you.

if jack skelington was a sock monkey would he eat spam from santas skull?thathingutwhois
No he'd just eat Santa's brain, not spam. Spam is icky.

What are your thoughts on Nazis? -me
I'm not a big fan of them, and wouldn't want to be jammed into an oven by them. Their marching around is sorta cool, but that's about it.

Why is it that teenagers today wear their dispair like a favorite T-Shirt? Hanging onto every little bad thing that happens in their life, exagerating beyond proportion. Like, I knew someone who said they were beaten by their mother and moved away from her because of it. The girl wrote poems, songs, and cried about it often, saying how much she messed her up. I talked to the father of the lady, and aparantly the "horrid beatings" was a slap in the face when she was about 3. People will just dwell on stupid things like, getting dumpped by a boyfriend/girlfriend, not being accepted into certain crowds, and not being able to dress a certain way because of parents saying they can't, and this is their excuse for being sad all the time. Which reminds me of another thing: people cuttin themselfs. They proudly wear their scars like little badges. I was in my english class, and some chick takes a plastic spoon i had laying on my desk ( okay, I collect plastic spoons from the cafiteria, usually I'll end up selling/giving away/ chewing on them, but that's another story) and like started rubbing the botom of the handle on her arm. I could see her in the corner of my eye, but I made sure she knew I wasn't giving any of my attention to it. Then after moving several times and tring to let me see, she gets brave and says," It doesn't work, got anything sharper ?". This pissed me off to an extent, but I just said, "no" and snatched the spoon outa her hand thinking of how idiotic the whole thing is. She starts explaining how she'll cut herself to releive her stress and like escape from her "pain". Now, I'm not making any judgements on appearence, but this girl was wearing aeropostle and gap, and of course gave off the happy girl look. I ended up just looking at her while she was telling me how bad she has it and asked, " have you ever considered the fact that there are people out there in third world countries, starving , and barely alive ? There are horribly disseased people who can't leave bed, who will die with in a few months/years, and you're sitting here complaining because your mom wouldn't let you bleach your hair ? Now, I don't really see too many of those people picking up razors and mutilating themselfs because of it. Pretty much all I have to say to you is Suck it up whiner and leave me the hell alone." Well, that wasn't an exact quote, but something along the lines of that. People just sicken me. Is there any explanation for this kind of behavior? -me P.S. Sorry, kind of long, but it's hard for me to be frank.
When you're young, you think that the world revolves around you. That's just the way it is until you learn otherwise. Most have no idea what the real world is like, and are so wrapped up in themselves that they make things worse and sadly, some never escape their narrow view of the world. Those who cut themselves for attention are just sad. They don't realize how much time they're wasting thinking about stupid things like how bad their lives are, when they're not bad at all. If some chick is whining on about being slapped once, that's sickening. There are kids out there who get the shit kicked out of them each week, and do you see them writing poems about it? No, they're too scared and sore. Those kids with the real problems need the help, not the whining poor me people. Those whiners don't know the true meaning of pain, they just want some attention and think that it's the only way to get it. Tell her to turn her tv off and to get her own personality. Keep ignoring those idiots, help those who truly need help, and you'll be out of there soon. Once you're out of school, then things will get better. I tried to be helpful, was I?

Does anyone else miss Syko Morgana ? She was my favorite .
I don't know that name, but I miss her. I want everyone to be here and love me.

Nice new spooky orange color... where'd you get it?-bluemonkeyfearer
JCP did that, I like it too!

You say that you are lazy..this is why you take a week to answer questions...is there any way to help you become un-lazy?-bluemonkeyfearer
You could come here and touch my tail for awhile. That will keep the creative juices flowing!

Nov 4 /04
Answered by: Herbert

Okay so I was in Louisiana on a Youth Group trip (yes youth group) and a truck went by that said CANADA in big letters so for the rest of the trip two guys in our van randomly screamed CANADA!!!!....I have never been to Canada...is it nice there?-bluemonkeyfearer
Yay Canada! I have only been within Ontario, but so far everything is nice. Well, JCP wasn't nice when she kicked me out to go live in Ottawa, but that's not Canada's fault.

Sarah Michelle Gellar?!?! TAKE IT DOWN!! - Mzebonga
What? Are you drunk again Mzebonga? I think you mean take it OFF. In that case, I must tell you that I'm naked. So what I'll do for you is dance! Yea, you like it! Yea!

Can you make a shoutout to "me" who last week sent a question, and said they take cafeteria spoons to collect or chew on, etc? Because i always chew on spoons right after lunch and people think I am retarded, but "Me" showed me i'm not alone! yay!!! isn't that a truly inspirational story? -Hufflebunny
It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! It's almost too much to take, I'm still excited from dancing for Mzebonga!

Do like to kiss shoes with toungue or not? - Hufflebunny *cough* pun intended
That's pretty clever Hufflebunny! I kiss all shoes, with and without tongue.

how fast do hermit crabs move
Fast enough to chase me up and down the beach as they try to clamp onto my tail and make it hurt. I hate when they do that, so I've just steered clear of the beaches for awhile.

What is the meaning of life? Kali
To life it and have fun and to rub my tummy or tail. Be gentle though, unless I'm in a mood where I want it rough. Oh who am I kidding, I'm happy to have any contact at all.

Why is there air? Kali
It gives lungs something to do other than just take up space. Though having a pouch to store things would be better than lungs. Hmmm.

Am I omnipresent or is it just my shoe? Kali
I think it's both. Then again, maybe I'm full of crap. Nah, I'm full of stuffing! I bet I had you tricked there for a second or two. Did I? Even just a bit?

If I'm feeling blue then what does a smurf feel when its feeling low?
If it's anything like me, then it feels itself down it's pants when sad and usually that makes me feel better.

Are all of the InsaneDomain members on a lazy and un-creative streak? Why have there been no new stories? I don't just like to write tales of blobs' adventures and blue monkey doom, I also like to read them.-bluemonkeyfearer
JCP won't put my stories up. She insists that this is not a foot or shoe fetish site. I don't see why it shouldn't be. I did see your story online though, yay for you!

Herbert!!! I am back!!! Should I eat a veggie burger or a chocolate bar? There was this lady in the mall who called me a freak and called me a sorry grubby punk. What the hell was her problem? Monkeeskittles
Eat both! Why deprive yourself of yummy things? When you're done, come over here and we'll hang out. Skittles are fun, so monkeeskittles must be even more fun.

Im in a kick ass band. This is the one Herbert. Once we get our website finished and our EP's up. Will you go check it out? I'll send you an EP. What time shall I expect you and JCP and whomever else is coming to play GTA3? Monkeeskittles
Sure I'll check it out, are there shoes on it? Feet? Pictures of people? You can come over to JCPs place and play GTA Vice City, be sure to swing by Ottawa and pick me up too. If you bring me, I don't think she'll kick my ass to the curb like last time.

Do you like cheese flavored shoes?-bluemonkeyfearer
Such a thing exists? I want several! Where do I get them? What do I have to do to get some? Wow what a concept! Cheese flavored shoes! Gimmie some!

A Trebouce in a giant catapault thing. Anyway, I gave a sock monkey an apple pie last night and he just... stared at me. What's up with that? Do you want the pie?
What kind of pie is it? Did you spit in the pie? Why don't you want the pie? Sure, I'll take the pie, I can always use a pie or two.

How many people are likely to participate in the funky wallpaper contest thingy?-bluemonkeyfearer
I know I am! A giant shoe and... oh wait I don't want you stealing my idea. Get your own! I want my own spooky monkey to molest, as the printouts just aren't very huggable.

Is tuna a kind of chicken? Jessica Simpson
I'm just a sock monkey and even I know enough to tell you fuck off you idiot.

Do you have magical sockmonkey psychic powers? If so, can you please use your magical sockmonkey psychic powers and tell me whether or not I am destined to become an author?-bluemonkeyfearer
Well you have written a story for here, so technically, aren't you one? I could be wrong of course, but as for my psychic powers, you have to rub my tail first to get it to work.

How long is your...*ahem* tail ?
About 18 inches. That's right.

Would you stare dreamily into my eyes and write me a poem ? -me
Sure thing! When should I expect you over? I hope you don't mind if the poem contains refrences to shoes.

I don't know if anyon3 3ls3 has ask3d, but how did you g3t stuck with this job ? AR3 you a fri3nd of DC, or are you just a helpless little sock monkey that he chained to a computer to do his job while he's err.... "away".
It seems that your e button was broken for a bit, and it put 3s instead. You should have that fixed. As for getting this job, well DC went away and JCP got tired of answering questions, so I volunteered. What this means is that if I wait long enough to answer, I get a threatening email from JCP. It's great!

Every heard of a record label call Psychopathic Records, or the group Insane Clown Posse? I do take pleasure in listening to their noise.-me
I have heard of Insane Clown Posse, but they tricked me so I don't like them anymore. They weren't really a posse of clowns, but a music group. There wasn't even popcorn, tigers or anything.

Okay, now I'm just bored and asking stupid questions. How do you think I should sneak into the Homecomming dance ? I was unable to purchase a ticket in time to go, so now I'm all alone with my friend here from Baltimore county, and we plan on somehow sneaking in; though we have no idea how the hell we're going to do it. Got any smart ideas for us? -me
Bring your mom and have her yell at the people there until they let you in. Moms have a way of getting people to do what they want. Isn't it her fault anyways for not giving you the money earlier?

It's ok I guess. It is in shoe. That's always a good thing.

How does smoking cause cancer of the cervix?-me
The what? That looks like a funny word, did you make it up? Cervix, haha.

Explain to me Einstein's General Theory of Relativity. A Breif History of Time wasn't enough for me.-me (Haha , me me )
Well basically, there is stuff that does stuff for reasons with math in them.

Will frakenstein chicks seem strangely sexy !?
Um, sure!

If your cheese wallet turns green how many monkeys does it take to blow up? --satan
I'd have to say at least four. The last time I tried that with three, it just didn't go according to plan and I'm still paying for it.

since you dont have a nose, how do you smell your butt? mike
I do have a nose! And my butt smells lovely.

Is Bruce Wayne circumsized? If he isn't would he have enough smegma to cover a blueberry bagel?--satan
What? I got the blueberry bagel part but the rest doesn't mean anything to me. So I'll go with no, and bagels are fun cuz they have holes I can put my tail in.

Im a vegatarian and have been for a few years, and they have just gotten me to eat a piece of turkey, without my knowledge. Am I gonna die?-Monkeeskittles
No you're not going to die from it. I would be seriously pissed at the people who fed it to you so they could laugh. That's just really rude to do that to people. Might as well just tell you that your ideas and lifestyle means nothing to them.

Happy Halloween!! What are you going to be? Im going to be Sally from Nightmare before Christmas. YAY! Halloween. Trick or Treat?--monkeeskittles
Treats! Yay! I dressed up as a couch for halloween in an attempt to have people sit on me. It didn't work though.

"It's been November for twelve seconds, why aren't the October results and new Questionnaire up yet????" (Yes there are "quotation marks" there so it is just a fake question I am posing as an example so I can rant) Don't you just hate annoyingly nagging people with no patience whatsoever? Don't you just want to tie them up with barbed wire and stab them repeatedly with sporks? I would if people nagged me so annoyingly. Plus the barbed wire and sporking sounds fun.-bluemonkeyfearer
Mmm that does sound like fun! I'll suggest it to JCP, maybe she'll let me watch.

Do people really say "eh" a lot in Canada, or is it just a stereotypical myth?-bluemonkeyfearer
Some people say it a lot, and others never say it.

Apparently in April 2004 I sent in feedback about the site and I just now found it. Why can I not remember sending in feedback????-bluemonkeyfearer
Perhaps you were on a wicked sugar high?

Why does my Dentis set a check up for a week or so after Halloween? I mean, can't you let me finish my candy before you start drilling holes that are sensitive to sweetness in my teeth? -Hufflebunny
Just tell him NO! Then pick another month and he'll be forced to agree!

Can I have a Good Question Award just because I'm cool and I gave you shoes? :) My Herbie Werbie -Hufflebunny
Well I'd like to but I just can't give it away because you asked nicely. <Looks around for more shoes.>

How's your love life?
I love everything, it's great.

How many people actually take the time to read the stories? How many are likely to read the Doom of the Blue Monkeys? Is my life's purpose to write tales that no one will read???-bluemonkeyfearer
I don't know how many people actually read them, how many actually read anything here at all? Some just come to jerk off to the sock monkey porn pictures. Mmmmmm, sock monkey porn pictures.

Please tell JCP not to tear out your stuffing, I'll miss you!
It might be fun if she did that to me though.

ummm....if i had monstrously hairy balls, would my dick survive in the congo of my nutsack?
You might just have to pin your dick up so it doesn't get harmed.

there are five houses on State Street. each house is a different color. each house is lived in by people of different nationalities. the people in each house have different cars. the people in each house keep (have) defferent pets. the people in each house prefer different drinks. the americans live in the blue house which is in the middle. the french own a pookle who is afrai of the snake next door. the spaniards drink coffee. the orange house is to the right of the green house. they drink tea in the orange house, but often go next door for coffee. The people who drive a station wagon keep a snake. the people in the red house drive a van. they drink soda in the middle house. the japanese live in the house on the far left. the people who drive the sports car live in the green house to the left of the people with a skunk. the people with the van own a horse. the people with the truck drink grape juice. the english drive an antique car. the japanese live next door to the yellow house. the people in the red house drink carrot juice. find out the color of each house, tell what the people in each house drink, tell the nationality of the people in each house, which house owns each car, which animal lives in each house, and which house owns the monkey. -cooley
Wow, isn't that great that they all get along? Who really owns anything in a sharing community such as the one you've described. Is the monkey cute? Do you think it's seeing anyone?

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