Job-hunting SUCKS!
By JCP
It's hard to look for a decent job with a decent company if you're a decent hard-working employee!

Applying for ANY job to pay your rent, but no one will hire you because you're overqualified and know that you'll be quitting the second you get another job offer somewhere else.

Finding a mistake on your resume ONLY after you've mailed it out to everyone, and the mistake is in your phone number.

Having to write a “personal statement” when really, all you want is a decent job that pays well and some coworkers that don't suck.

Having people point out or suggest jobs to you that have NOTHING to do with what you really do, and they just don't get it.

Looking at job listings online and they're filled with stupid "WORK FROM HOME" listings and other useless garbage.

Job titles that make no sense, are too ambiguous or are just random letters grouped together.

Having someone put in a good word for you, but it turns out they're horrible at their job and/or hated and you're not considered simply because they're an idiot.

The bullshit of cover letters and personal statements.

Trying to sum up what you did in your last job when really, what you did was your job and everyone else's, but you can't put it all down without looking like you're lying about it.

Sending your resume to tons of places, only to have them phone you and tell you to STOP faxing them your stupid resume and they've put you on a black list for the next six months.

Asking your friend to hand in your resume, and they end up spilling food/coffee on it, crumpling it up and THEN hand it in, or just completely forget.

Spending tons of time on a resume when you know someone is going to spend maybe 10 seconds looking at it, decide they don't like your name and then move onto the next one.

Knowing that one or two page document isn't going to sum you up as a person or a worker, but you're forced to make one anyway.

Showing up for a job interview at the wrong time on the wrong day.

Emailing your resume in, then realizing you forgot to attach it to the email. Then you send another email with it attached, only now you've forgotten to put the cover letter in the message of the email, or attach it. You send a third email with it all and then find out you've been sending them all to the wrong email address.

Companies that take MONTHS to go through the interviewing and hiring process.

Not finding ANY job postings that are suited to what you do in ANY way for weeks on end.

Having people asking you "How is the job hunt going?" over and over.

Having to go over your resume each time you send it out and never being totally happy with it.

Winding up in a company where creative ideas are squashed, and your only incentive is to just do enough not to get fired. Years later you end up as an unskilled idiot who can't get hired anywhere decent ever again.

Job ads that ask for everything under the sun but really, they don't need half of it for the actual job.

Interviews that go horribly wrong, ending up with the interviewer in tears and you dragged away by security. (Or the other way around.)

Trying to find a better job and refusing to settle for jobs you know you can do, but don't actually challenge you in any way.

Being asked what you do in your spare time when really, all you do is job hunt and don't do anything else interesting.

Having someone put in a good word for you, but it's their job that is being filled because they're being fired, only they don't know it yet.

People who apply for unchallenging jobs that they hope to just collect a paycheck from, and you end up their co-worker, doing all the REAL work while they play computer solitaire.

Finding a great job to apply for and you make it to the interview, they basically tell you that you're the best person for the job so you get all excited and then they hire someone else.

Going to a job interview and getting lost, or going to the wrong department and having to run around to get there on time, so you show up sweaty and pink-faced.

Interviews that you know aren't going well within the first two seconds, but you can't get up and run screaming from the place.

Being told that EVERYONE lies on their resume, even if it's just a bit. When you do it, you're immediately called on it during the interview and feel like a total reject when you can't respond to what they ask.

Getting nervous and saying something REALLY stupid.

Having EVERYTHING go wrong the day of your interview, so you show up late, not at all, or on fire.

Job postings that lie or mislead you into thinking you have a shot, or that the job might actually be interesting.

Job posting requirements made by the HR department instead of the actual department you'll be working for, so they make no sense and ask for tons of things that only robots have.

Having to go all over the place to go to interviews for jobs that you either don't have a shot in hell of getting (due to internal politics) or jobs where you're told upon arriving that have already been filled. You've just wasted your time getting there and the gas money to go along with it.

Trying to find a decent job to help bring in some extra money that isn't demeaning or sucks up ALL your free time.

Being interviewed by some half-wit that has NO sense of humour and NO personal skills.

Having NO fashion sense and being judged on that at the interview instead of your skills.

Being interviewed by someone who gives a horrible, sweaty handshake and that's all you can think about while being interviewed. (Here is how YOU can make sure your handshake is good.)

Being thanked for your time after the interview when it's just been one big waste of time and you both know it.

Having the interview mispronounce your name and having to correct them repeatedly.

Mispronouncing the company or interviewer name and having them repeatedly correct you.

Becoming a probationary employee, turning down a few other decent jobs, only to be let go a day or two before probation is up.

Laughing at something you think the interviewer is joking about, only to find out they're quite serious.

Trying to apply for a job in the company you already work for, hoping that they'll promote you, and then they hire some idiot from the public that is only good at writing impressive resumes and you end up doing the work anyway, only not getting the pay raise to go along with it.

Job postings that say they want 7+ years experience with software/equipment that has only been around for 3.

Tripping on your way into the interviewer's office and landing face-first into their crotch.

Pulling that suit out of the closet and trying to feel comfortable and natural in it while being grilled by could-be employers. While you sweat away and look uncomfortable, they're judging you and everything you say.

Being interviewed by about five people all at once, with them asking you questions, scribbling down what you answer with and then whispering amongst themselves.

Not being able to find the way into the building, or where the reception area is, so you're wandering around outside in front of the all the office windows looking like some sort of crazed idiot.

Finding a company that offers you a great job for great pay and you discover at your second interview that all your prospective co-workers are the most unpleasant people on the planet, and you can't possibly imagine working with them any longer than a week without killing one or more of them.

Trying to compete against other people for the job when they have no intention of actually working hard, but when you say you're a hard-working employee, they just smile and nod at you because they've heard it all before.

Having to go to about ten different interviews for one company because their interviewing process is SO stupid and every level of the organization just HAS to get involved.

Trying to find a different career to get into, but your resume only has your OLD career jobs so no one wants to hire you for anything else.

Finding out RIGHT before the interview that the person who had the job before you do was LOVED by all the employees and quit due to mismanagement and incompetence by the company.

 

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