Realistic Barbie & Ken.
This is in no way connected to the real Barbie, of course.
You may find some of these offensive, as some of them are indeed just that.

Fat Cat Ken - Owns a large company that pollutes, kills and destroys things but it doesn't matter as long as he makes millions. Available in Tobacco, Military, TV/Newspaper and Auto Industry versions.

I want a baby Barbie - She's dumb, she's fertile and she wants to start popping out brats. She thinks that having kids will somehow make her life complete. Once she's had one, she might as well have two, or hell, maybe even three! Who cares if she can't look after them properly, it's her RIGHT to breed. -Mar2004
Comes with: calender with days marked off, a brochure about how to beat your kids and a book of baby names.
Accessories (sold seperately): Whitetrash townhouse set, dirty barking dogs to run around

Ebay Buyer Ken & Barbie - Bid on Ebay items like it's a game! See how many negatives you can get before getting kicked off, then go out and buy a new Barbie!
Comes with: Ebay account, AOL email address to reject seller emails

Ebay Seller Ken & Barbie - Empty out their boxes and sell what's in them on Ebay! Cash in on all the excitement of selling online and making millions!
Comes with: Ebay account, positive feedback rating, bizarre terms & conditions for buyers and a PayPal account.

Dumbass Ken - Hangs out with other dumbass Ken's, wearing his hat sideways on his head to prove to others how stupid he is. Walks like he has something jammed up his ass and uses phrases such as 'Stat', 'word' and 'whassup' while flinging his arms around stupidly. Likes to think that he is attractive to women, but is sadly mistaken.
Comes with: Baggy pants to hang off his ass, a hat to wear sideways and gaudy chains.
Accessories (sold seperately): Honda Civic to blast horrible music from to annoy everyone, modified mufflier for the Civic so it's louder, bad CDs of music containing nothing but bass.

Dumbass Barbie - This barely dressed Barbie wears tons of make up, shows her midriff and clevage to everyone and then whines about how no one takes her seriously. Can't comprehend that looking like a slut and acting like one means she's treated like one. Bitches about how Dumbass Ken doesn't buy her 'nice stuff'. Can't possibly get her own job because that would require effort and only men are supposed to work. Watches 'reality shows' and atually thinks they're realistic.
Comes with: Short skirts, tube tops, bellybutton ring, pushup bra, tight tank tops, fashion magazines, pink cell phone.
Accessories (sold seperately): Shoes that are impossible to walk in, outfits that barely fit, monthly magazines telling her how fat she is and how she can lose weight/get a man/bitch about stupid shit/waste time shaving every inch of her body.

Freedom of Speech Barbie - She's allowed to voice her own opinions, but refuses to let others voice theirs. Says things like "If you're not with me, you're against me." Threatens others into agreeing, burns CDs of people who speak their opinion and then says she's proud to live in a country where they have free speech.
Comes with: Shotgun to threaten you with if you don't agree with her.

Bitchin Barbie - Likes to bitch about everything! Never shuts up, even when the batteries die! Bitches about everything possible, but doesn't want solutions, suggestions or any sort of reply. The only way to shut her up is to rip off her head and flush it down the toilet.
Comes with: Cellphone so she can bitch from anywhere, account with a web blog so she can bitch online too.

Creepy Ken - Here to marry one of your Barbies, then hits on her sisters, female cousins and aunts! Comes with roaming eyes to make sure he sees all the females in the family and mentally undresses them. -June 2003

Pocket Pool Ken - comes with baggy pants so he can reach in and grab hold anytime he wants! No one will ever know!

Factory Farmer Ken and Barbie - Denies that animals and chickens have any feelings, and they think it's all right to put growth hormones in your food! Closely related to Tobacco Farming Ken & Barbie, but bringing chemicals to you in a entirely different way.

Ashamed to be American Barbie - Has Canadian Barbie label over the box and hopes no one will notice if she just keeps smiling. -June 2003

Barely dressed Barbie - To give those kids an idea of how to dress slutty! Comes with short skirt, no underwear or bra, high heels, teased hair and badly done make up. Bends over a lot and never sits with legs closed.

Supermodel Barbie - Comes with contract to rip up and bottled water. Fill her with water to hear her cry about how tough life is.  Includes hat and sunglasses to hide herself from the public, and features protruding bones in her body.  Speaking version available, says "I'm so fat"

President Ken (the Billy version)- Comes with cigars, and various pairs of easy to undo pants.  Speaking version available, says "I did not have sexual relations with that doll" to First Wife Barbie (sold separately)
President Ken (Jr version) - Attacks all other dolls on shelves while in toy store and steals their packing material. Does NOT get along well with others. Should be put back in box and burnt!

President Intern Barbie - Only plays well with President Ken Billy version. Features open mouth and real suction! Available: a friend who has a tape recorder and likes to tattle. (sold separately)  Not to be sold with First Wife Barbie.

First Wife Barbie - Stays with President Ken (Billy version sold separately) for the money and power.  Girl Power galore!  You can pretend she doesn't notice his affair with President Intern Barbie  (sold separately), or find a state to run! New for 2007 - Help first wife become first female president! Girl power on a global scale.

Bingeing Barbie - Comes with foods to binge on! Press her tummy and watch her puke it all up! Comes with napkins to wipe off her face.   Extra napkins sold separately.

Trend following Barbie - Comes with Tommy Hillfiger clothing, a brittney spears CD, and a friend who judges her harshly.  It's like 90210 all over again, only updated for whatever decade we're in now!

Dysfunctional Family Sets - Divorced set comes with custody papers for you to fill out!  Available in:
"Mommy's In Jail & Daddy's Been Touching Me" set, the "I think Daddy Likes Dead Things", the "My Parents Ignore Me Because Being Raised Is The School's Job" set, and the popular "My Mommy Loves The Booze, Drugs And Sex With Strange Kensl" set.

Bible Thumping Barbie - Comes with pamphlets, cross to nail her up on and features no ears. Speaking version asks if you have 'heard the good word' and says ' You're all going to burn in the fires of hell'.

Racist Ken and Barbie - Comes with shaved heads, swastikas and utters racist slurs.  Comes with papers to read, but papers contain no logic, facts, thought or realism.  Some holiday dolls contain shaving kit so you can shave off all their hair.

Activist Ken and Barbie -   Comes with Anti-     signs for you to fill in! Pamphlets and bucket of blood to dump on Fur wearing Barbie (sold separately) are included.

Preacher Ken - Comes with instructions on how to take the most innocent things and find gay signals hidden in them.  Also included pulpit to stand and rant from.  Rants are sold separately and are guaranteed not to make any sense.

Transvestite Ken - Watch him become a girl in 20 easy operations!  Then it's time to go shopping girlfriend! Comes with instructions on how to perform the change.

KKK Ken - Comes with white cloak, a cross to burn and hood to hide his stupid face, which have been painted to look like an ass!

Bastard Ken - Goes with bitchy Barbie  (sold separately) to bars to gawk at other barbies.  Grunts a lot and likes football.  Speaking version refers to women as "Baby" or "Babe".

Acid Ken and Barbie -  The tripping duo come together in one box!  Each is wearing stained hippy clothing that can't be changed!  Comes with cool CD and ribbons to dangle in front of their faces while they trip out!  
Available Accessories Include: Trancy cds, jugs of kool-aid, bags of food, cigarettes to loose, and hallucination tapes.

Alien Abducted Ken - He can't discuss anything with you. In fact, you didn't even SEE this Ken doll on the shelf.

Feel sorry for me super star Barbie - She's a superstar... but has a horrible life!  Feel sorry for her as she deals with adoring fans and battles with that one pound of weight she has!  Speaking version blames parents for her mistakes.

Drunk Driving Ken - Comes with crushed car, beer bottles and slurred speech.  Speaking version claims he's fine and that he can drive.  Dead family is sold separately.

Jerry Springer Guests Ken and Barbie -  Comes with chairs to throw at other guests and a script to follow.  Barbie has long nails to scratch out eyes, and Ken has re-enforced knuckles.

Ex-star doing phone commercials Barbie & Ken - Comes with phone company contract and cheesy scripts.  Each comes with history of drug abuse, and various scandals.

Obsessive Compulsive Barbie - Comes with soap to wash hands with, fingernails to chew, plastic bags to put on all items in and speaking version constantly whispers "dirty… it's all dirty… germs"

Paparazzi Ken and Barbie - Comes with cameras, cell phones and inability to understand the word "privacy".  Moped sold separately for stalking.

Money sucking Barbie & Old dying rich Ken - Barbie comes with large bust. Ken comes with impudence problem, a changeable will and millions of dollars.  Make Barbie suck him dry when Ken dies!

Silicon Boobs Barbie - One out of 5 may explode causing damage to the doll, but hey, looks are worth dying for!

Pussy whipped Ken - Does whatever "Stupid Bitch Barbie" says for sex including buying her expensive stuff, pretending to like her friends and 'letting' her 'see other people'.

Extreme Men Hating Barbie & Girlfriend Kim - Comes with Men Bashing quotes and strap on dildos.  Kim is available in 'Butch' and 'Bitch' versions.

Ugly Nerdling Barbie -  1 in 5 chance surgery will improve her looks or she'll grow out of it. Plastic surgery kit sold separately.

Devil Worshiping Ken and Barbie -  Hail Satan! Each come with their own altar and knives.  Small animal sacrifice packs are also available along with various altars.

Pimp Ken & Prostitute Barbie - Ken comes with horrible clothes and nasty attitude. Barbie comes with ill fitting small clothes and raunchy smell.  Barbie has handprint on her ass from Ken for those times that she wouldn't do his bidding.

Suicidal Barbie - Comes with gun, knife, razors, noose, sad music, is depressed, writes sad poetry, has a bottle of black hair die, a suicide note and a book on how to commit suicide. 

White Trash Ken & Barbie -  Ken comes with flannel shirt, rotting teeth, beer bottles, acid-washed jeans, and cigarettes. Barbie comes with greasy hair, no bra, ragged pink bathrobe, 10 kids and screams incoherently at kids and Ken. 
Available Accessories Include: Dirty trailer, copies of Jerry Springer shows featuring family members, and Teen Mom Tiffany fits in perfectly with this family! 

Schizophrenic Barbie -  Constantly talks to the people in her head, comes with a straight jacket, and goes to the Barbie Mental Institution (sold separately) where Barbie goes to relax and have shock therapy (EST machine sold separately)

Addicted To Chat Barbie & Ken - Comes with computer, coffee machine and list of faces to make with keyboard symbols. Has pale skin and is not to be exposed to daylight. 

Cult member Barbie - Comes with brainwashing tape, hands over her money and a kit so you can even poison her grape Kool-Aid. Asks you if "emotional music has an effect on you" and other really stupid questions that somehow convince you to join the cult too.

Cross dresser Ken - Comes with clothes that can be shared with Barbie

Home wrecker Barbie - Finds married Ken and has affairs with him, tells his wife and then leaves him

Teen Mom Tiffany - 15 year old sister of Barbie with 3 kids by different "Knock 'em Up Kens"

Heroin addict Amber -  Comes with needles, frail body and dying child who cries.

Bimbo Barbie - Comes with empty head, and says "Whatever", and "Like, for sure"

Scientology Barbie -  Starts off rich, comes with pamphlets, and no ears. (Basically the same as Bible Thumping Barbie but has different outfits and pamphlets)

Repeat offender Ken - Comes with jail to be let out of repeatedly

Corporate bike Barbie - Everyone gets a ride!

Cool car Ken -  Comes with cheap car but expensive stereo that eventually rocks the car to pieces.

Gangsta Ken - Yo yo yo Barbie! Gonna bust a cap in yo'r ass

Conspiracy Ken - Comes with tinfoil to line his box in so the aliens and the government can't hear what he's thinking.

Shoplifter Sandy - Comes with large coat with pockets and various items to shoplift. 

Kid-loving Ken - Comes with chocolates to tempt kids with and a THRILLER album.

Diva Ken - Comes with some fabulous dresses, and can fit into any other Barbie outfit!  Speaking version says "You go girlfriend!"

Penis –Envy Barbie -   Comes with army outfits, tank tops and hairy armpits

Ball Busting Barbie - Comes with power suits, and steel toed high heels

Infomercial Ken and Barbie -  Comes with crappy product and fake smiles. Says "Can you believe how cheap this product is?" and "tell me more about this wonderful product!"

Café going Ken and Barbie - Comes with black hair, dark poetry, cigarettes and no smiles.  Various 'sad poetry' packs are available.

Drug Dealing Ken and Barbie -   Comes with pager, cell phones and runs from "Drug Busting Undercover Ken"

'Bad Crowd' set for Kelly and Kevin - Comes with other kids who lie, cheat, steal and smoke

Squigy kids Kelly and Kevin - Comes with squeegee, tattered clothing and many piercings.

Dope smoking Ken - Demands food, calls everyone 'dude' and stares at TV.  Smells like patchouli.

Athlete Ken - Comes with hair dye, drugs, piercings. Speaking version demands more money Also available...Sports Groupie Barbie.

Prozac Ken and Barbie - Comes with straight emotionless faces, and parents who think that children who have energy need to be drugged.

Computer geeks Ken and Barbie -  Comes with Jolt cola, glasses, and keyboards attached to their hands. After hours of game playing, they develop carpal-tunnel syndrome and require wrist braces (sold separately.) 

'Daddy's Rich' Barbie -  Comes with fancy car, cell phone, cash, credit cards and shopping bags. Also sold as "Rich Bitch Barbie".  Any time she runs into trouble... she phones up daddy and complains.

Bar Barbie - Comes with 80's tight outfits, pink lipstick, permed hair, dangly earrings, cigarettes, beer breath, sagging breasts and bar stool.

Fat Barbie & Skinny Barbie Duo - Skinny Barbie brings Fat Barbie to bars so Skinny Barbie looks better. "Player Ken' kisses butt to Fat Barbie to get Skinny Barbie in bed later on. (Is also sold as Pretty and Ugly Duo) 

University Grad Barbie - Comes with huge debt, McDonalds job, and speaking version says "Would you like fries with that?". 

Coke Snorting Barbie & Ken - Both come with rolled up money to snort with, mirrors and high paying jobs.  Watch them bottom out, go to rehab and repeat the whole process!

Internet Addicted Barbie and Ken - Comes with computer, and no clothes because they never leave the computer, also fat due to constant eating of delivery food.

Nymphomaniac Barbie - Comes laying on bottom of box and is unable to stand or achieve sexual fulfillment.

Workers Compensation Barbie & Ken -  Each comes with two removable casts!  Fake an injury and cash in!

Postal Worker Barbie & Ken - comes with automatic machine gun and history of mental instability.

Politician Ken & Barbie - Says one thing, does another. Likes to spend money and travel. Also takes bribes from Mobster Ken. Receives inflated salary.

Rehab Superstar Barbie - Watch her get addicted to drugs, beat the hell out of someone, run a few people over and be sent to rehab. Watch as she goes through withdrawal! Then see how she is forgiven once she blames it all on her unloving parents! 
Available Accessories Include: Unloving parents, fan club kits, relapse needles, and press to follow her around and take horrible pictures.

Tourettes Syndrome Barbie - Continually swears at Pussy Whipped Ken.  Also Available: Pretend To Have Turret Syndrome Barbie.  Friends who pretend to support her but talk behind her back are sold separately.

Who's My Daddy Barbie - Daughter of Slutty Barbie (sold separately), and comes with DNA sample to eventually track down her real daddy

Slutty Barbie - Takes rent money from "Pussy Whipped Ken" to buy things, forces him to get engaged, lies about being pregnant, and sleeps around with all other Kens in the area. Also emits foul odor from crotch.

Anti-Abortion Barbie & Ken - Comes with hit list, holier-then-thou attitude and no ears (to prevent any logic entering their minds because of course they'd make their 13 year old daughter give birth if she was raped and got pregnant).

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