Introduce them to my chairs, maybe hold a table-chair mixer so they can get to know each other better.- SiNiSTaR

Does it get annoying constantly having people eat off of your head? What about rude people who put their elbows on your head? Do you really hate it when people put their feet on your head too? I feel your pain, Mr(s) Table.- Mzebonga

well i'd carry on polite, casual conversation. ask aout the weather and how bout them damn yankees?- meagnolia

I would say to them the following: "Hello... theres something I've been wanting to tell you, for quite some time now... The thing is, I really find your legs highly attractive... I love your personality, your grace and charm, and your general all round good looks. I was wondering... if... you.... would like to come out for lunch with me some time? I mean, well, I know you don't actaully eat, but you could hold my plate up, and we could have a nice conversation about why chairs aren't as great as tables, say. Or we could go shopping for a nice set of legs for you, a think oak would really bring out the teak on your top... So, what do you say?"- Fido Dido

i would say LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE GOD DAMN YOU HORRIBLE TABLES! MAKING HIM TALK TO YOU YOU HAVE CORRUPTED HIS POOR INNOCENT LITTLE MIND! NOW YOU WILL PAY I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!...then i would chop them up into little pieces and burn them.- mary jane

Yes, it would've been impolite for me to have interrupted my friend so, yes, I waited until I was addressed. Obviously, my friend has been having fantastic dinner parties with ghosts and fairies and aliens and leprachauns. I will say that it is nice to meet everybody and ask my friend to bring me a few more shrooms so that I can see and hear better.- Enfante Terrible

Fuck them I'd rather talk to chairs instead.- Sally

"What lovely legs you have, may I touch them?"- MeowMix

do you ever have a morning wood ?- butthead

ahhh... well, hi mr. table... how... *ahem* how are you ? i hope you are fine. i can't believe i'm doing this... anyway, my friend has told me so many lovely things about you, and the way you do the table things. my friend says that you are now one of his very best friends of all the tables in the house (stupid piece of wood) well... ummm... anyway, it was very nice to meet you. - marissa

id say, fujifilm pictures are so reliable and my pictures come out so good almost like it was a snapshot of life and that i only use fujifilm and that no other film is better..then talk bout how great IBM computers are and blah blah blah...- BLEEEEEEEEEEEE

"so...youre opinion. is my friend insane?- frazicus

Me: Hey table, nice legs. You work out?? Table: ........ Me: haha not a talker eh. Oh man I lost my number can i have yours? Table:......... Me: Hmm that could be a yes I guess. Sooo how yooou doing? Table: Your feeble attempts to court me are of no use so if you would quickly move your overstuffed American ass, we could all get along. Me: Hmmmm FIN- frank the midget

Politics sprts the usual things I talk to my tables about. Table are actually very intelligent. They do lot, just while people are sleeping. We shoud respet tables more because one day the will rule all the planet...- maryrapedherlittlelamb

pass the salt- dane

May we have an orgy?- gopostal

Blow a monkey.- Silver Dragon

i am a jolly old fat man. someone please shoot my bum bum.- w33nkie

What does my friend say to you? - Spooney

hello... have you ever met angelina jolie!? does it hurt when i do this? <*stabs table*> hey do you beleive in god?!- bobspenistassle

OK. How's the family?- Hey! Rape is illegal! STOP!

Dont talk to me while Im eating, we'll talk later.- LubisKo

do you like it when i put my elbows on you? or is it too soon for that? - Miss Roger's Sweater

who cares? i wouldnt wanna talk to 'em anyway.- sheniqua

earwigs are cool.- PENIS

I tell them that they need a makeover. I once saw a table where the legs looked like human legs and in between the legs on each side was a penis hanging down. It was really funny. I tell the tables that they should look like that. Or even better, female versions!- Waxter

I would say, "YOu know, table, there's always one thing I've wanted to know. IT may seem like a personal question, but I JUST GOTTA KNOW. What stain do you use? Because it really brings out your grain. What? No, no, I didn't mean it like that! NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! My Dream!!! It is finally coming true!!!! All those days of scratching incoherent messages on school desks has come back to haunt me!!! I knew they would get revenge!!! NOO!!! MEEEERRRCCCCYYYYY!!!!!!!!!" *thud* *splat* *chew* "Help me . . . The varnish is setting . . . so fast . . . so . . . very . . . fast . . ." - Fish

I would ask them how the hell they can masturbate, being wooden and varnished and all- The Fool

Nuthing. the tables are a pack of bitches and i havevowed never to talk to them again until they apologizeto the chairs- Ninja

not like me to be polite but anyways i would have lots to say to the tables..I mean the basic stuff we always wondered about, Does our need to always lay stuff on them enjoyable, anoying?Why does it need 4 legs not 3 or 5?...u know. - JuiCyMuCUS

say nothing- kuroro

I always talk to the tables. I think they got it from me. I just compliment them and make sure they are comfortable....you know, saying things like, "I'm sorry for knocking on you yesterday, but I had to knock on wood" and "Do you want a foot rub?" I think we understand each other.- McDiablo

Whatchaup2? Wanna go on a Slurpee Run?- Richard

gees..you are good at questions..what person would ever come up with a question like that?why dont you ask yourself questions?..your really good at answering em..maybe you should do it?- heahHAHAFGhtheh

I would kick the tables, calling them stupid and splash water all over their nice wood finish.- OmegaClarinet

Why do you always have wood?- Draven

Shut the fuck up, table. You're a goddamned table and we're people and we do the talking. Got it? - The Pope

Clearly your proposals are not advanced by current demographics and your sophmoric exploitation of dichotemous stereotypes is both feckless and transparent. Also, as is typical of table-centric rhetoric, you completely take the floor for granted as a serving class, non-entity in the social equation. Your dogmatism in this aspect contradicts standard ethics of scientific rigor and is more akin to mysticism than sound, home economics.- Marthastewart

I would wait until I was alone with one of the tables. I would say, "Look, table, I know you are busy, what with all th- What? Your cousin is a POOL table? What the (profanity) am I wastin' my time for with you (profanity) (profanity?!! Now you gotta give me the (profanity) address of this (profanity) cousin of yours, you (profanity) table!!"- FartMonkey

Flip upside down and have them pull down there pants if you really wan't to interract with these idgets i'm outta here L8ers Fags well that or what drugs are you guys on now? can i have some?- Sk8erGecko